Leave It To Mike - Trying To Help Philandering Boss

Summary

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Podcast Summary: Leave It To Mike - Trying To Help Philandering Boss

Podcast: Harold's Old Time Radio
Show: Leave It To Mike
Episode: Trying To Help Philandering Boss
Date: June 10, 2026

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Episode Overview

This comedic episode from the Golden Age series "Leave It To Mike" centers on Mike McNally, the bumbling but lovable general manager of Berkeley's Sporting Goods Store. The story unfolds as Mike tries to assist his boss, Mr. Berkeley, in navigating the fallout of his flirtatious escapades with new employee Elsa Miranda—all while trying not to alert Mrs. Berkeley to her husband's late-night activities. The humor is classic radio farce, full of misunderstandings, zany characters, and rapid-fire dialogue, poking fun at domestic anxieties, workplace antics, and societal issues of the era.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Mike and Denny: Romantic Antics and Aspirations (01:50–03:28)

• Mike prepares to ask his long-time girlfriend, Denny Wig, an important question, which humorously turns out to be about the location of a bowling alley rather than a proposal.
• Denny desires romance, expressing exasperation at Mike's evasive and un-poetic answers.
  • Notable exchange:
    • Denny Wig (02:51): “You're impossible. Why don't you talk about romantic things? Why don't you say something poetic? Something inspiring?”
    • Mike (02:57): “As I stand here looking at you, tears come to my eyes.”
    • Denny (03:00): “Why?”
    • Mike: “My shoes are killing me.”
• Denny aspires to domestic bliss similar to the Berkeleys, but Mike’s joking retorts (like asking for the next boat to China) highlight his comic reluctance.

2. Gossip & Scandal: Mr. Berkeley’s Infatuation with Elsa (03:28–05:14)

• Denny suspects Mr. Berkeley is unfaithful.
• Mike reveals Mr. Berkeley's flirtations with Elsa Miranda, a new singer in the music department who also headlines at the Diaper Club.
• The characters collectively mock the absurdity of the situation and question the consequences of Mr. Berkeley’s wandering eye.
  • Denny Wig (04:21): “Did you ever see a home broken up by infidelity? Did you ever see a marriage go on the rocks? Did you ever see the scenes in a divorce court?”
  • Mike: “Did you ever see Elsa Miranda?”

3. Nightclub Interlude and Mr. Safari’s Jungle Tales (05:46–09:21)

• At the Diaper Club, Mr. Safari, a verbose African explorer and store customer, interrupts with elaborate, never-ending jungle adventure tales—a running gag that persists throughout the episode.
  • Mr. Safari (06:12-06:54, several times): Repeatedly deflects the conclusion of his own harrowing jungle stories, then gets distracted.
  • Mr. Berkeley (06:38): “How did you get out of that awful situation? What was the idea you got?”
• Elsa Miranda performs the song “This Is Where I Came In,” pausing the action for a musical number typical of the era (07:08–08:52).

4. The Key Fiasco: Helping or Hindering the Boss? (09:22–22:55)

• The farcical main plot: Mike attempts to sneak Mr. Berkeley into his house without alerting his wife after a night catting around.
• A lost house key escalates into an absurd series of mishaps:
  • Mike returns from the store with 4,187 keys, reasoning that "one of them is sure to be the right one." (19:08)
  • The keys are locked in the car’s trunk—key to trunk is also inside the trunk.
• As the night wears on, Mr. Berkeley grows desperate and cold, while Mr. Safari continues his rambling stories.
• Running gags:
  • Number of keys tried: “This is the 318th key we’ve tried.” (21:33)
  • Desperate attempts not to wake Mrs. Berkeley, for fear of marital catastrophe.
  • Mike (22:13): "I just remembered what I forgot to tell you... Your wife hasn't been home for two days. She went to Florida."
  • The punchline—the night’s key problem was all for naught; Mrs. Berkeley was never home.

5. Resolution & Workplace Repartee (22:55–26:32)

• Elsa and Denny arrive with the missing house key, having found it in a mink coat Mr. Berkeley bought for Elsa, further fueling comic suspicions.
  • Mike McNally (24:08): “One person gets a mink coat, another one gets the sack.”
• Mr. Berkeley threatens to fire Mike for hearing too much about the mink coat but ultimately relents.
• The group opts for a jovial breakfast outing, ending the main story with a light musical ride in Mike’s decrepit car—a final moment of slapstick camaraderie.

6. Epistolary Moral and Good-Natured Lecture (26:47–27:54)

• Mike and Denny address listeners directly, pivoting to serious commentary on postwar price controls, black markets, and inflation—keeping with the period's PSA tradition.
  • Mike (27:17): “If we don’t cooperate with price ceilings, there’ll be more black marketing and greater shortages. Eventually, ruinous inflation... cooperate with price ceilings, and one of these days you’ll be able to buy the things you need at prices you can afford.”

7. Final Quips & Goodbye (27:57–28:52)

• Mike jokes about housing shortages and Arabia (27:59).
• Mr. Safari’s voice closes the show with: “Leave it to Mike. Mike McNally!” (28:14)
• Outtake-style banter and period-typical credits.

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Memorable Quotes & Moments

• Denny Wig (02:51): “Why don't you say something poetic? Something inspiring?”
• Mike McNally (19:08): “How many? All together? ... 4,000, 187 [keys].”
• Mr. Berkeley (22:12): “I've got half a mind to surrender, to give up, to ring the bell, wake up my wife Emma and take the consequences.”
• Mike McNally (22:14): “I just remembered what I forgot to tell you. ... Your wife hasn't been home for two days. She went to Florida.”
• Mr. Safari (24:27): “What are you talking about?” (on mink coat confusion)
• Mike McNally (24:08): “One person gets a mink coat, another one gets the sack.”
• Mike McNally (27:17): “If we don’t cooperate with price ceilings, there’ll be more black marketing and greater shortages. Eventually, ruinous inflation.”

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Notable Timestamps

• 01:50 – 03:28: Mike's "romantic" question and Denny’s exasperation
• 03:28 – 05:14: Discovery of Mr. Berkeley’s flirtation with Elsa
• 05:46 – 09:21: Mr. Safari’s endless jungle tales; Elsa Miranda's musical performance
• 09:22 – 22:55: Key-finding quest and slapstick caper at Mr. Berkeley’s house
• 22:13: Punchline—Mrs. Berkeley is in Florida
• 24:01 – 24:14: Fires, firings, and the mink coat cover-up
• 26:47 – 27:54: Postwar economic commentary
• 27:57 – End: Housing joke and sign-off

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Tone & Style

The episode is driven by fast, pun-laden dialogue, wide-eyed innocence, and farcical set-pieces. The cast plays up every misunderstanding and innuendo, giving the show a buoyant, timeless vaudeville energy. Frequent asides and direct addresses add a wink-to-the-audience quality, blending comedy with period-appropriate moral lessons.

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For Listeners Who Missed It

This episode offers a snapshot of mid-20th century American radio comedy: a workplace sitcom with heart, chaos, and an unflappable everyman at its center. The real star is the writing—loaded with double entendres, zingers, and sweetly lampooned social norms. For those curious about radio’s golden age or in the mood for a breezy, classic farce, “Leave It To Mike” delivers humor, nostalgia, and plenty of keys in all the wrong places.

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Transcript

[Narrator]

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[Mr. Berkeley]

Leave it to Mike. Mike McNally.

[Mike McNally]

Yes. Mr. Mike Lee.

[Mr. Safari]

Mike, why in the devil.

[Mike McNally]

Mikey, I can explain everything.

[Announcer]

Mutual presents. Leave it to Mike. With Walter kinsella as Mike McNally. Mike's the general manager of Berkeley's sporting goods store. That friendly institution that's been serving its customers faithfully for more than 30 years. Everyone knows and likes Berkeley's sporting goods store. Well, Mike, what's new?

[Mike McNally]

Oh, I see in the paper that Betty Grable went to a separation center. Mr. Chase and all the soldiers ran right by him. Drilling, no drooling.

[Announcer]

Well, McNally, how are the post war shortages affecting you?

[Mike McNally]

Oh, I don't mind them. They tell me it's hard to get eggs. The chickens are too patriotic.

[Announcer]

Too patriotic?

[Mike McNally]

They won't give you an egg unless you bring back the empty shell.

[Announcer]

What else happened in the store this week, Mike?

[Mike McNally]

Well, I was. It was Mrs. Berkeley's birthday and we had a party with a beautiful birthday cake. Yes, we would have written Happy Birthday on the cake, but we couldn't get it in the typewriter.

[Announcer]

And that's Mike McNally.

[Mr. Safari]

That's me. Yes, it is very true.

[Announcer]

As we meet Mike McNally. He's with his lovely girlfriend, Denny Wig, in Berkeley's sporting goods store. Mike is about to ask Denny a very important question. A question a man asks of the girl he adores. A question every man asks just once in his lifetime. The answer to which determines their future together. We give you Mike McNally asking that all important question.

[Mike McNally]

Jinny, darling.

[Denny Wig]

Yes, Mike?

[Mike McNally]

I want to ask you something. After all, we've known each other a long time and we love each other. And the moment has come for me to ask that question.

[Denny Wig]

Go ahead, Mike. Don't be bashful. Every man has to summon up the courage to ask that question.

[Mike McNally]

Well, Dinny. Yes, Ginny.

[Elsa Miranda]

Yes.

[Mike McNally]

Well, now, you know where the city hall is, of course. And you know where the marriage license bureau is.

[Denny Wig]

Certainly.

[Mike McNally]

Well, yes. Whatever happened to the bowling alley that was next to. Mike?

[Denny Wig]

You're Impossible. Why don't you talk about romantic things? Why don't you say something poetic? Something inspiring?

[Mike McNally]

Oh, Denny, as I stand here looking at you, tears come to my eyes.

[Denny Wig]

Why?

[Mr. Safari]

My shoes are killing me.

[Denny Wig]

You see what I mean, Mike? You're not serious about us. You don't really want to marry me.

[Mike McNally]

Denny, if I don't matter you, I hope I end up in China. Yes, sir. If I don't marry you, I hope I end up in China.

[Denny Wig]

I'm glad you're serious.

[Mike McNally]

I'm glad I'm serious.

[Denny Wig]

I want to get married soon.

[Mike McNally]

I want to get married soon.

[Denny Wig]

I want to live in a twenty thousand dollar house.

[Mike McNally]

When's the next boat to China?

[Denny Wig]

There you go again, Mike. Why can't we just get married like Mr. And Mrs. Berkeley? Like the boss and his wife. Mr. Berkeley's always kissing and kissing and kissing.

[Mike McNally]

You Betty is. This week he's kissing Elsa Miranda.

[Denny Wig]

Elsa Miranda?

[Elsa Miranda]

Mm.

[Mike McNally]

The girl who just hired the music department. The one that sings the sheet music we're trying to sell.

[Denny Wig]

You mean that while Elsa Miranda's working here in the store, Mr. Berkeley is making love to her all day? You mean that goes on all day?

[Mike McNally]

She works nights, too.

[Denny Wig]

The store's closed at night.

[Mike McNally]

I know. She also works as a singer at that night club, the Diaper Club.

[Denny Wig]

The Diaper Club?

[Mike McNally]

Mm, the bottom part of the store.

[Mr. Safari]

Ah, yes.

[Mike McNally]

She's the pin up girl of the Diaper Club.

[Elsa Miranda]

I think that's awful.

[Mike McNally]

The joke.

[Denny Wig]

How could he do a thing like that? Did you ever see a home broken up by infidelity? Did you ever see a marriage go on the rocks? Did you ever see the scenes in a divorce court?

[Mike McNally]

Did you ever see Elsa Miranda?

[Denny Wig]

All right, Mike, I know she's beautiful.

[Jennifer]

But after all, Mr. Berkeley's at the

[Mike McNally]

Diaper Club right now watching elsewhere in the show. And I have to go over there as soon as I help close up the store. You? Mike, I have to go there and save Mr. Berkeley from a horrible fate.

[Denny Wig]

What is it? What do you mean, horrible fate?

[Mike McNally]

Well, he's with someone. He's with the famous African explorer, Mr. Safari. First name's Harry. Harry Safari.

[Denny Wig]

That Blabbermouth? How can Mr. Berkeley stand him? He never stops talking. He's always talking about his trip to Madagascar.

[Mr. Safari]

Well, Mr. Safari's an important customer of

[Mike McNally]

the stores, didn't he? But Mr. Berkeley can't stand the way he talks about his African pips all the time. So he told me to come and get him and take him away. So as he can avoid spending the whole night with Mr. Safari.

[Denny Wig]

So you're going to the club to see Elsa Miranda. Tell me, Mike, what song does she sing in the club?

[Mike McNally]

Oh, she sings a famous number entitled La Signore El Rio Mino, Janeiro In Campo Esn Alvedo Regina La negares cavi sequile muchacrande Le tricancani papa frita.

[Denny Wig]

What song is that?

[Mike McNally]

Chicory Chick.

[Mr. Safari (Jungle Story Narrator)]

Then, Mr. Berkeley, suddenly from nowhere, a huge lion came roaring toward me. I turned and started to retreat, but behind me was a boa constrictor.

[Mr. Berkeley]

To my left, what happened with the Safari?

[Mr. Safari (Jungle Story Narrator)]

To my left, the snarling orangutan crept toward me, anxious to devour me.

[Mr. Berkeley]

But what happened, Mr. Safari?

[Mr. Safari (Jungle Story Narrator)]

On my right, a fanatical band of headhunters crawling at the mouth, walked step by step, closer and closer, holding knives in their hands.

[Mr. Berkeley]

But what happened, Mr. Safari?

[Mr. Safari (Jungle Story Narrator)]

Wait till I finish, Berkeley, please. In the tree above me the devilish man eating goona goona flower Was opening its treacherous petals. Below me my feet were caught in a steel jaw trap I had set previously to.

[Mr. Berkeley]

What happened, Mr. Safari? What happened?

[Mr. Safari (Jungle Story Narrator)]

What happened? I'll tell you right now. In that hopeless situation, I suddenly got an idea.

[Mr. Berkeley]

What was it?

[Mr. Safari (Jungle Story Narrator)]

What was it I decided to crush? There's Elsa Miranda. Isn't she a charmer?

[Mr. Berkeley]

She certainly is, Mr. Safari. But tell me, how did you get out of that awful situation? What was the idea you got?

[Mr. Safari (Jungle Story Narrator)]

Well, I just happen to have. Yes, yes, I happen to have.

[Mr. Berkeley]

Yes.

[Mr. Safari (Jungle Story Narrator)]

Ah, Elsa's going to sing for us all here in the club. Isn't that too.

[Mr. Berkeley]

What happened to you in the jungle?

[Mr. Safari (Jungle Story Narrator)]

As I looked around me at the ferocious beast, I'll bet she sings this is where I Came in. She always opens her act with that charming number.

[Elsa Miranda]

Stop. Why must you hand me that line? Oh, stop. I know I'm simply divine but stop. I know you long to be mine. But stop. Remove this sentimental music. Don't let the sweet begin. Begin. Turn off the moon on high the starlit sky. This is where I came in. No more sophisticated drama don't wanna take it on the chin I just as soon forgo my Romeo this is where I came in sweet Nothing's always bore me when nothing what they mean. You say that you adore me but that's just a line from a play that you've seen.

[Denny Wig]

I'm tired of everything.

[Elsa Miranda]

Romance. Forget the gypsy violin Kiss someone else pass by Kiss me goodbye. This is where I came in. With nothing's always bore me when nothing's what they mean you say that you adore me that's just a line from

[Denny Wig]

a play that you've seen I'm tired

[Elsa Miranda]

of everything romantic Forget the gypsy violin if someone else sat by, kiss me goodbye this is where I came in. This is where I came in.

[Mr. Berkeley]

There comes the general manager.

[Mr. Safari (Jungle Story Narrator)]

My store.

[Mr. Berkeley]

You know Mike McNally, don't you?

[Mr. Safari (Jungle Story Narrator)]

Oh, yes, Mike. That reminds me. Microbes. There in the jungle.

[Mike McNally]

I was surrounded by vicious microbes and Mr. Safari.

[Mr. Safari]

How are you, Mike?

[Mr. Berkeley]

Oh, fine, fine.

[Mike McNally]

Just fine, Mr. Berkeley. Oh, by the way, there was something I had to tell you, but I can't seem to remember what it was.

[Mr. Berkeley]

Well, you'll think of it, Mike.

[Mike McNally]

And you, Mr. Safari.

[Mr. Safari]

What's new?

[Mike McNally]

What do you hear?

[Mr. Safari (Jungle Story Narrator)]

I hear tum tum.

[Mike McNally]

Oh, my goodness.

[Mr. Safari (Jungle Story Narrator)]

It was a band of headhunters coming to get me in the jungle.

[Mr. Berkeley]

Ah, Mike, for goodness sake, get me out of here.

[Mike McNally]

Okay, Mr. Berkeley. Gee, I wish I could remember what I was supposed to tell you.

[Mr. Safari]

Well, shall we drive Mr. Berkeley home in my rattlesap?

[Mr. Berkeley]

Rattletap?

[Mr. Safari (Jungle Story Narrator)]

There were rattlesnakes all around me. I tried to wriggle out before the natives speared me. I offered them money. I offered them a mint.

[Mike McNally]

Ah, yes.

[Mr. Safari]

Wriggly spe. Well, here we are at your house, Mr. Berkeley.

[Mr. Berkeley]

Oh, McNally, be quiet. Don't make a sound. If my wife Emma hears me coming in this late, she'll murder me. She'll tear me limb from limb.

[Mike McNally]

Well, that reminds me. I'm sure I had something to tell you, but I can't remember.

[Mr. Berkeley]

Shh. Don't tell me. Now, look, Mr. Safari is getting out of the car. He'll be out here in a second. I have to get into the house and get. Get rid of that big, fat boar.

[Mr. Safari (Jungle Story Narrator)]

Speaking of boars, this jungle incident was at the time of the boar war. There I was.

[Mike McNally]

There you should be.

[Mr. Berkeley]

Mr. Safari, please don't make any noise. If we wake up my wife, I'll be in awful trouble. Now, where's my key? I'll open this door very slowly and tiptoe upstairs and get into bed. She's fast asleep, I'm sure. Where's the key?

[Mike McNally]

Hurry up, Mr. Bertie. It's cold out here.

[Mr. Berkeley]

Yes, yes, so it is. I'll open the door and. Oh, good gracious. Where's my key? It was in my coat pocket. No, it's not there. I can't ring the bell. That'd wake her up if it wasn't so dark. It's blackest pitch out.

[Mr. Safari (Jungle Story Narrator)]

Oh, blackest pitch that reminds me. The black hole of Calcutta. Blackest pitch there too.

[Mr. Berkeley]

Where the dickens is that key? It's not in my way. Wallet. It's not in my pants pocket. I don't dare ring the bell. The slightest sound will wake Emma up. Oh, that key.

[Mike McNally]

Oh, don't worry, Mr. Burton. If I could only remember what I was supposed to tell you.

[Mr. Berkeley]

Never mind that now, McNally. I guess I haven't got the key. You go down to the store and find that key to this door. I don't want to ring this bell.

[Mike McNally]

Oh, I'll find it in a minute. I'll be back in a jiffy.

[Mr. Berkeley]

Well, for heaven's sake, hurry up. I'm freezing to death. And besides, I have to listen to this raving idiot talk about Africa. What a moron he is.

[Mr. Safari (Jungle Story Narrator)]

Moron. That reminds me. It was more on the south side of the jungle. 12 cannibals were blowing arrows through little cylinders to pierce me.

[Mike McNally]

Ah, yes.

[Mr. Safari]

12 cylinder Pierce arrows.

[Mike McNally]

Well, McNelly, here you are at Mr. Berkeley's office. And you'd better find that key for him. He's freezing on the porch waiting for you with Mrs. A fairy. Oh, my goodness. What will happen if Mrs. Berkeley hears her husband downstairs? She'll mobilize him. Just look at Mr. Berkeley's office, McNally. It's not much better than the room where you work. He has only one sink in his office. There are 12 sinks in yours. Besides, who comes into Mr. Berkeley's office? Just the secretary. Who comes into your office? McDelley the plumber. Oh, me. Oh, my. This Jennifer. Now there, Jennifer. Why are you walking up and down with that muff? Are you cleaning up?

[Jennifer]

I ain't picketing a Fuller Brush company.

[Mike McNally]

Where you been lately, Jennifer?

[Jennifer]

Well, I've been going around with high society. I joined the Meadow Hills Polo, Badminton, Cricket, Rugby and Hunting club.

[Mike McNally]

What does everybody do there?

[Jennifer]

Oh, most of them don't go in for sports like I do. They just sit around drinking Southern Comfort.

[Mike McNally]

What do you do?

[Jennifer]

I drink free feathers.

[Mike McNally]

Is it fun at the country club?

[Jennifer]

Well, it would be, except for my boyfriend.

[Mike McNally]

Oh, Jennifer, can't you think of anything else but men?

[Mr. Safari]

Sure, but why should I torture myself?

[Mike McNally]

How are you getting along with your boyfriend?

[Jennifer]

Oh, he gave me a bottle of perfume last week.

[Mike McNally]

Christmas night?

[Jennifer]

No.

[Mike McNally]

Even in Paris. Twilight and Riviera. Now, what was the perfume called?

[Jennifer]

Afternoon with Bo Planty.

[Mr. Safari]

Didn't he give you perfume last week?

[Mike McNally]

Didn't he give you a bottle of fatal apples?

[Jennifer]

That wasn't fatal apple. That was desperate Cucumber.

[Mike McNally]

Did you have a date with them last night?

[Jennifer]

Oh, yes. We sat on the front porch together.

[Mike McNally]

Did he kiss you?

[Jennifer]

Uh huh. We played Post Office.

[Mike McNally]

Isn't that sweet?

[Jennifer]

First I sent a letter to him.

[Mike McNally]

You mean you kissed him? Uh huh.

[Jennifer]

Then he sent a letter to me. Then I sent a letter to him. Then he sent a letter to me. And I sent a letter to him. Then he sent a letter to me. Don't stop me, McNally. The males must stop all through.

[Mr. Safari]

Jennifer, is that the only game you know? Oh, no.

[Jennifer]

When we got through at post office, we played another game. It was entirely different.

[Mike McNally]

Entirely different. What kind of a game?

[Jennifer]

A kissing game. Now, you see, in this game, I kiss him for Czechoslovakia. Then he kisses me for Brazil. I kiss him for England. Then he kisses me for France. And then he kisses me for France. And then he kisses me for France. And that kisses me for France. And that kisses me for France. And that kisses me for France. And that. McNally, do you know how. McNally, do you know how that game went on?

[Mike McNally]

No.

[Mr. Safari]

How long?

[Jennifer]

They're going to put the United nations headquarters on my front porch.

[Mr. Safari]

Well, gentlemen, I'd like to stay here

[Mike McNally]

and talk to you, but I have to find something. Mr. Berkeley thinks he left the key to his house somewhere in the store. He's waiting for me right now. Have you got any idea where the key is?

[Jennifer]

Oh, I think I do. Come on down the basement with me. I think I know just where Mr. Berkeley's key is. I'll help you find it. Come with me, McNally.

[Mr. Safari (Jungle Story Narrator)]

And then Mr. Berkeley, directly over me was a tremendous jaguar. Reaching his hairy paws toward my throat.

[Mr. Berkeley]

But what happened, Mr. Safari?

[Mr. Safari (Jungle Story Narrator)]

I decided there was only one thing to do. Fortunately, I happen to have with me. Yes, I happen to have with me.

[Mr. Berkeley]

Yes.

[Mr. Safari (Jungle Story Narrator)]

I wonder whatever happened to McNally.

[Mr. Berkeley]

Yes, confound it. I've been standing here on this porch for three.

[Mr. Safari (Jungle Story Narrator)]

It's so cold here.

[Mr. Berkeley]

And if I don't get that key and sneak upstairs before Emma wakes up and discovers that I've been out, I'll.

[Mr. Safari (Jungle Story Narrator)]

Ah, your Troubles are over, Mr. Barkley. There comes McNally now in his car.

[Mr. Berkeley]

Oh, thank heavens. You wait here in the porch, Mr. Safari. I'll go meet McNally.

[Mr. Safari]

All right, I'll wait here.

[Mr. Safari (Jungle Story Narrator)]

But hurry up. It's so cold here.

[Mr. Berkeley]

Oh, at last McNally's here. I'll go to his car and make him get out fast.

[Mr. Safari]

Come on, Se Biscuit, old girl. Only half that door. You can make it if you try.

[Jennifer]

Stop.

[Mr. Safari]

Stop that car.

[Mr. Berkeley]

Mike, don't go any further.

[Mr. Safari]

Stop your car. Okay, Mr. Berkeley, I'll pull the br. Okay, okay.

[Mike McNally]

Sea Biscuit, old girl, you came to a beautiful stop. They never tell you in a casket.

[Mr. Berkeley]

Well, McNally, can you get out of that jalopy yourself, or shall I get a can opener?

[Mr. Safari]

Don't you insult my car. Mr. Berkeley, the last man who insulted my car got into a lot of trouble.

[Mr. Berkeley]

He did?

[Mike McNally]

Yes. He robbed a bank.

[Mr. Berkeley]

Well, McNally, have you got my.

[Mike McNally]

Oh, gee, I wish I could remember what it was they were supposed to tell you.

[Mr. Berkeley]

Oh, forget about that. Have you got my key? Remember, Mike, I don't want to wake up my wife, Emma. She'll know I was out with Elsa. Miranda, I want to sneak in the house. You were supposed to get the key. It's taken you three hours.

[Mike McNally]

Why did you ring the bell?

[Mr. Berkeley]

Because I told you. I don't want to wake up my wife. I told you a thousand times. I don't want to wake up my wife. She'll murder me. I want to do this quietly. I want it quiet.

[Jennifer]

Quiet, quiet. Shh.

[Denny Wig]

Shh.

[Mike McNally]

Mr. Berkeley, you'll wake up your wife.

[Mr. Berkeley]

Mike, have you got my key?

[Mike McNally]

Well, Mr. Berkeley, have you got my key? Mr. Berkeley?

[Mr. Berkeley]

Yes?

[Mike McNally]

Pull off a fender and sit down.

[Mr. Berkeley]

Have you got my key?

[Mike McNally]

I went to the store just like you told me.

[Mr. Berkeley]

What happened?

[Mike McNally]

Jennifer showed me quite a lot of keys in the basement.

[Mr. Berkeley]

What did you bring, Mike?

[Mike McNally]

I wasn't sure which one opened the door to your house, so I brought several keys.

[Mr. Berkeley]

How many keys did you bring?

[Mike McNally]

One of them. Sure to be the right one.

[Mr. Berkeley]

How many did you bring?

[Mike McNally]

I tossed them into the trunk in the back seat.

[Mr. Berkeley]

How many did you bring?

[Mike McNally]

We'll just try each key until we

[Mr. Berkeley]

find the right one. How many did you bring?

[Mike McNally]

How many? All together.

[Mr. Berkeley]

All together?

[Mike McNally]

You want the exact number?

[Mr. Berkeley]

The exact number. How many keys do we have to try?

[Mike McNally]

4,000, 187.

[Mr. Berkeley]

I have to try 4,000 keys to get into my house, that's all. Isn't that just peachy?

[Mike McNally]

It won't take long.

[Mr. Safari (Jungle Story Narrator)]

Why?

[Mike McNally]

I'll help you.

[Mr. Berkeley]

All right. Let's get started. There's nothing else I can do. Give me the keys. Where are they?

[Mike McNally]

They're in the trunk.

[Mr. Berkeley]

The trunk is locked?

[Mike McNally]

Yes, I locked it. I didn't want to lose any keys.

[Mr. Berkeley]

Then open the trunk. McNally.

[Mike McNally]

That might be a problem too.

[Mr. Berkeley]

It will.

[Mike McNally]

It will. Why?

[Mr. Berkeley]

Why can't you open the trunk?

[Mike McNally]

I haven't got the key.

[Mr. Berkeley]

Where is it?

[Mike McNally]

I didn't want to lose it.

[Mr. Berkeley]

Where is that key? Where is the key to the trunk?

[Mike McNally]

It's locked inside the trunk.

[Mr. Safari]

Ye gods. Oh, ye gods.

[Mr. Safari (Jungle Story Narrator)]

What have I done to deserve this? What have I done?

[Mike McNally]

Well, you were a bad boy without a Miranda. You were a bad boy, weren't you? Well, weren't you? Answer yes or no. Why did you answer yes or no?

[Mr. Berkeley]

Either way, I'm up a creek without a paddle. McNally, when you put me up the creek, I'm up there scooting around with an outboard motor. All right, come on. Take your trunk full of keys and let's see if we can open that door. I've got to get inside. And I've got to get rid of

[Mr. Safari (Jungle Story Narrator)]

Mr. Safaree calling me.

[Mr. Berkeley]

No, Mr. Safari. Nobody was calling you. We're trying to get some keys out of a trunk. Ah, trunk.

[Mr. Safari (Jungle Story Narrator)]

That reminds me. An elephant's trunk was dangling ominously in front of my very eyes, ready to crush me to bits.

[Mr. Berkeley]

Wish it had.

[Mr. Safari (Jungle Story Narrator)]

The situation looked hopeless for us too. Then I remembered I had with me

[Mike McNally]

the key to the elephant's trunk.

[Mr. Berkeley]

Yes. Yes. What did you have with you? For heaven's sake, you've been trying to finish that story all night. What did you have with you?

[Mr. Safari (Jungle Story Narrator)]

All the animals in the jungle were closing in when I remembered I had

[Mr. Berkeley]

brought along yes, yes, yes, I had

[Mr. Safari (Jungle Story Narrator)]

brought along yes, My portable phonograph I just adore Johnny Mercer See the old

[Mr. Safari]

folk rising round then by I reckon that she knows you've got a knee so Fred, by.

[Mr. Berkeley]

The way, this is the 78th key we've tried. McNally, we still haven't opened that door.

[Mike McNally]

Yes, Mr. Berkeley, I know. And it's five in the morning and it's cold here.

[Mr. Berkeley]

This is the 318th key we've tried. McNally. We still haven't opened my door patient, Mr. Bartley.

[Mike McNally]

Just leave it to Mike.

[Mr. Berkeley]

This is the 914th key. Mike, I don't know how much longer I can keep this up.

[Mike McNally]

Don't worry, Mr. Berkeley, it's only 7 in the morning.

[Mr. Berkeley]

Mike, this is the 2,436 key we've tried. It's 9am this key doesn't work either. McNally. It doesn't fit. I've got half a mind to surrender, to give up, to ring the bell, wake up my wife Emma and take the consequences.

[Mike McNally]

I got it. I got it.

[Mr. Berkeley]

What have you got?

[Mike McNally]

I just remembered what I forgot to tell you. I've been trying to think of it since yesterday morning. I just remembered it.

[Mr. Berkeley]

You'll wake up my wife, don't shout. I've been telling you all night that this whole problem involves not waking up my wife. I listen to Mr. Safari for hours

[Mike McNally]

telling his lousy stories.

[Mr. Berkeley]

I got pneumonia waiting here on the porch. I've lost a night's sleep crying out these keys. I'm a sick man. I'm a tired man. I'm a defeated man. And all because I didn't want to wake up my wife. Mike.

[Jennifer]

Shh.

[Mr. Berkeley]

Very quietly, tell me what you've remembered. What were you supposed to tell me?

[Mike McNally]

Okay, very quietly.

[Mr. Berkeley]

Very quietly. Go ahead.

[Mike McNally]

Your wife hasn't been home for two days. She went to Florida.

[Mr. Safari]

Quiet. Then wake her up in Florida.

[Mike McNally]

Do you.

[Mr. Safari]

Do you mean to stand there and

[Mike McNally]

tell her, Mr. Begley Mrs. Call the Star and gave me the message for you. That's what I couldn't remember.

[Mr. Berkeley]

McNally, you alarm me.

[Mr. Safari (Jungle Story Narrator)]

You're fired. You're fired.

[Mr. Berkeley]

You're Fired.

[Mike McNally]

Three alarm fire.

[Mr. Berkeley]

I'm going to break your neck or my name isn't Philip Bursley.

[Mr. Safari]

Oh, look.

[Mike McNally]

There comes Elsa Miranda. She's running over here. Philip.

[Elsa Miranda]

Filthy Wilsey.

[Mr. Berkeley]

McNally, I'm going to take you when I. Why, hello, Elsa, darling.

[Mr. Safari (Jungle Story Narrator)]

How's my little sweetie pie today?

[Elsa Miranda]

I ran over here before going to

[Denny Wig]

work in the store.

[Mike McNally]

You know what happened?

[Jennifer]

I found your key in my mink coat.

[Mr. Berkeley]

Well, thank you, Elsa, my love. That was very thoughtful of you.

[Mike McNally]

Well, I've been fired, so I'll just hop into my car. I'll get into Old Sea Biscuit and go rolling along.

[Denny Wig]

You're lucky I found the key, Philip.

[Elsa Miranda]

I was emptying out the pockets in my mink coat.

[Denny Wig]

Mink coat you gave me, Philip.

[Mr. Berkeley]

Elsa, don't say that.

[Mike McNally]

Well, that's life. One person gets a mink coat, another one gets the sack.

[Mr. Safari]

Goodbye, Mr. Berkeley.

[Mr. Berkeley]

McNally.

[Mike McNally]

Yes, sir?

[Mr. Berkeley]

You never heard about that mink coat.

[Mike McNally]

Oh, but I did. She just said so. Jesus said it.

[Mr. Berkeley]

You haven't heard a word about that mink coat.

[Mike McNally]

But, Mr. Berkeley, I may make mistakes, but I'm not deaf. She said you bought her.

[Mr. Berkeley]

McNally, if you never heard about that mink coat, you might get your job back. Understand?

[Mike McNally]

If I never heard about what?

[Mr. Berkeley]

The mink coat. The coat I bought for Elsa.

[Mr. Safari]

What are you talking about?

[Elsa Miranda]

What mink coat?

[Mr. Berkeley]

Oh, Mike, you clever astro.

[Mr. Safari]

Oh, Mr. Frankly. You old goat, you.

[Mr. Safari (Jungle Story Narrator)]

Listen, suppose the three of us drive

[Mr. Berkeley]

out to the country and enjoy a nice farm breakfast together?

[Elsa Miranda]

Oh, I'd love to.

[Jennifer]

Come on.

[Mike McNally]

Why, sure. Everybody get into my car. Into all Seabiscuits. That's it well aboard.

[Mr. Safari]

Next up, ham and eggs with French

[Jennifer]

fried potatoes and hot muffins well off.

[Mr. Safari]

Let's go, Seabiscuit. In my broken down automobile I'm a very gay schlemiel.

[Elsa Miranda]

Where'd you get this old tin can?

[Mr. Safari]

Straight from the smiling Irishman. You can get a lot more speed from a po. Ghost stick indeed. Slow down. A turtle is passing us. In a broken down automobile

[Mike McNally]

I will

[Mr. Safari]

pay for this car. I drive by 1955. Do you think it'll last that long? Please, Mr. B, this is only a song.

[Elsa Miranda]

What if we should have a wreck?

[Mr. Safari]

Well, if Berkeley's knocked out, we'll neck. But I can't get as far as I'd like with you in this broken down automobile.

[Announcer]

Mutual has presented Leave it to Mike with Walter kinsella as Mike McNally. Leave it to Mike is written by Howard Merrill and Alan Sherman. The program is directed by Roger Bauer. Music and lyrics for this Is Where I Came in are by Alan Sherman. Now, here are Mike and Dinny again.

[Mike McNally]

Oh, say, Dinny, you look worried.

[Denny Wig]

Mike, we have a problem.

[Mr. Berkeley]

Dinny.

[Mike McNally]

I never saw the girl before. Never.

[Denny Wig]

This problem is not her, Mike.

[Mike McNally]

Sounds awfully dull.

[Denny Wig]

It's serious, Mike, for all of you.

[Mike McNally]

Oh, that kind of a problem. I'll solve that for you right now.

[Denny Wig]

But, Mike, take a letter. Mike, please listen.

[Mike McNally]

Dear listeners, my girlfriend here doesn't think I have a serious thought in my head. It's not that she's a dumb girl, it's just.

[Denny Wig]

Mike, what are you talking about?

[Mike McNally]

Well, I'm talking about our problems.

[Denny Wig]

You mean keeping prices now?

[Mike McNally]

Yes, Denny and folks, you know, and Denny knows, and even I know, that higher prices can hurt all of us. Yes, and right now is the time to lick those higher prices in those black markets.

[Denny Wig]

Mike, I'm proud of you.

[Mike McNally]

If we'll all relax and wait a while, those civilian goods we need so badly will be coming our way. And at prices that will be reasonable.

[Denny Wig]

And if we don't all cooperate?

[Mike McNally]

If we don't cooperate with price ceilings, there'll be more black marketing and greater shortages. Eventually, ruinous inflation. You spend sensibly, cooperate with price ceilings, and one of these days you'll be able to buy the things you need at prices you can afford. What's more, you'll be helping lick inflation.

[Announcer]

Thank you, Mike. Say, what are you doing with that newspaper?

[Mike McNally]

Oh, I'm reading about the housing shortage.

[Mr. Safari (Jungle Story Narrator)]

Oh, it's terrible.

[Mike McNally]

11 million people are living in tents. Where? In Arabia. Good night, Mr. James.

[Mr. Safari]

Good night, Mike.

[Announcer]

We'll be seeing you again next week at the same time when Mr. Berkeley

[Mr. Safari]

says, Leave it to Mike. Mike McNally.

[Announcer]

Any similarity on this program to actual persons, places or events is purely coincidental. Leave it to Mike. Came to you from the Mutual Longacre Theater in New York. This is the mutual broadcasting system.