Lux Radio Theatre - My Man Godfrey

Summary

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Podcast Summary: Lux Radio Theatre – My Man Godfrey

Podcast: Harold’s Old Time Radio
Host: Harold’s Old Time Radio
Date: July 23, 2026
Starring: Jeff Chandler (Godfrey), Julie Adams (Irene Bullock)

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Episode Overview

In this classic Lux Radio Theatre adaptation of My Man Godfrey (originally a 1936 screwball comedy film), listeners are swept back to 1930s New York, at the height of the Great Depression. The play centers on the eccentric, wealthy Bullock family and the “forgotten man” they whimsically hire as their butler. The episode explores themes of class disparity, redemption, and the absurdities of high society, offering slapstick comedy, clever dialogue, and moments of genuine empathy amid the chaos.

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Key Discussion Points & Plot Highlights

1. Setting the Stage – Society & Scavenger Hunts

• [01:19] The show introduces the era: Depression-era New York, amidst the city’s extremes of poverty and excess. Godfrey is found living at the city dump, warming his hands by a fire.
• Scavenger Hunt:
  The Bullock sisters, Cornelia and Irene, approach Godfrey to enlist him as their "forgotten man" for a society scavenger hunt (02:42).
  • Irene Bullock: “How would you like to make $5? All you have to do is go to the Waldorf Ritz Hotel with me and I'll show you to a few people...” (02:43)
  • Godfrey accepts, motivated by curiosity and a touch of irony.

2. Introducing Chaos – The Bullock Family

• [06:01] Godfrey and Irene win the scavenger hunt, but Godfrey scathingly addresses the crowd, exposing their frivolity:
  • Godfrey: “I wanted to aid this young lady… I was curious to see how a bunch of empty headed nitwits conducted themselves. My curiosity is satisfied.” (07:00)
• [08:27] Irene, grateful, offers Godfrey the vacant butler position. He’s welcomed by Molly, the sarcastic maid, and is warned about managing the Bullocks’ chaos.

3. Godfrey as the Forgotten Man-turned-Butler

• [09:33] Godfrey meets Mrs. Bullock, who is flighty and believes in pixies, and establishes his gentle but witty rapport with the household.
• Molly: “You won’t need any quarters. Just hang your hat near the door so you can get out quickly on your way out.” (08:53)
• Morning Routines
  Godfrey navigates the quirky breakfast routines, with Irene quickly deciding he will be her “protege,” and Cornelia plotting to torment him (16:36).

4. Household Antics & Emerging Romance

• [19:03] A family argument erupts over expenditures and Carlo, the mother’s mooching protege.
• Irene’s Infatuation
  Irene becomes smitten with Godfrey, inviting flirtatious and awkward exchanges:
  • Irene: “Godfrey, would you mind kissing me?” (22:44)
• Godfrey tries to maintain professional boundaries, gently rebuffing Irene’s advances with humor and patience.

5. Godfrey’s Mysterious Past & Social Critique

• [27:35] A guest, Tommy Gray, recognizes Godfrey from Harvard.
  • Irene: “Imagine, a butler with a college education!” (27:47)
• Godfrey’s backstory is slowly revealed—he is not merely a down-and-out man, but someone who’s deliberately turned away from privilege and suffered personal loss and despair.
  • Godfrey: “I stopped feeling sorry for myself… I built a shack of my own. I did all sorts of things just to live.” (31:14)

6. Conflict: Romance vs. Boundaries

• Irene’s engagement is announced out of spite; she remains heartbroken, underscoring the emotional confusion threading through the family.
  • “Well, isn’t that funny? Crying at her own engagement party. Sometimes I don’t think my daughters are all there.” (30:20)

7. The Pearl Theft and Family Crisis

• Cornelia’s pearls go missing — suspicion falls on Godfrey, but he remains dignified.
  • Cornelia: “We could have you fired, you know. But I like to see things wriggle.” (17:32)
• Ultimately, it’s revealed Cornelia herself tried to frame Godfrey, but he redeems the situation (52:54).

8. Godfrey’s True Character – Redemption for All

• The Bullocks face ruination; Godfrey saves them by investing wisely with Tommy’s help and returning Cornelia’s pearls, demonstrating selflessness and integrity.
  • Godfrey: “I felt I owed your family a debt. I hope I’ve repaid it.” (52:25)
• Godfrey’s acts inspire change and humility in the family, especially Cornelia and Irene.

9. Finale: Reconciliation & Happy Ending

• Godfrey’s “palace of pleasure” for the city’s forgotten men forms the backdrop for the finale. Irene rushes to him and orchestrates a surprise wedding, ensuring Godfrey’s redemption is complete—and tied to the family forever.
  • Irene: “It’s got you, and that’s all there is to it.” (57:00)
  • (To mayor) “Now, come on, Godfrey. We’re all set.” (57:29)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Godfrey’s Scavenger Hunt Takedown:
  “My curiosity is satisfied.” (07:13)
• Describing the Bullock Household:
  Molly: “Is the family that exacting?”
  Godfrey: “No, they’re that nutty.” (08:45)
• Irene’s Puppy-Dog Love:
  “You’re the first protege I ever had. And it’s terribly thrilling.” (15:26)
• Godfrey’s Critique of Privilege:
  “You belong to that unfortunate category I would call the Park Avenue A spoiled child who has grown up in ease and luxury… whose misdirected energies are so childish they hardly deserve the comment even of a butler on his off. Thursday.” (33:27)
• On Redemption and Moving Forward:
  “We all have to go sooner or later.” (51:31)
• Godfrey’s Integrity:
  “I may add, some of the money went into a project of my own… giving food and shelter to 50 people in the winter, giving them employment in the summer. What more do you want?” (55:05)
• Romantic Climax:
  “You can’t look me in the eye and say that you love me, and you know it. There’s no sense in struggling with a thing when it’s got you. It’s got you, and that’s all there is to it.” (56:55)

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Key Segments & Timestamps

| Segment | Timestamp | |-----------------------------------------------|--------------| | Opening and Setting | 01:18–03:11 | | Scavenger Hunt & Meeting Godfrey | 02:42–07:22 | | Godfrey Becomes Butler | 08:27–11:29 | | Household Antics and First Day as Butler | 12:29–19:39 | | Family Squabbles and Irene’s Protection | 19:03–21:54 | | Tommy Gray Arrives, Godfrey’s Backstory | 27:04–32:09 | | Irene Announces Engagement | 29:41–30:20 | | Pearl Theft and Investigation | 35:40–39:57 | | Bullocks’ Financial Ruin & Godfrey’s Rescue | 49:26–52:35 | | Godfrey’s Departure & Finale | 54:09–57:50 | | Impromptu Wedding & Final Scene | 57:06–58:14 |

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Tone & Style

The episode strikes a balance between zany, fast-paced screwball comedy and earnest social commentary. The dialogue is snappy, laden with witty repartee ("You see pixies? Oh, those. Yes. Where do I find her? Upstairs. She’s in the first cage on the right." – 09:33) and affectionately lampoons high society. However, moments of warmth and vulnerability—especially from Godfrey and Irene—ground the farce with real emotional stakes.

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Final Thoughts

This Lux Radio Theatre rendition of My Man Godfrey captures the charm and cleverness of the original film, blending slapstick, romance, and a critique of social class in a brisk, engaging hour of vintage audio drama. Listeners experience a rollercoaster of humor and heart, culminating in a genuinely uplifting conclusion.

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For classic radio fans, this is a delightful reimagining of a timeless Hollywood comedy, full of memorable lines and larger-than-life characters—proof that even in the golden age of radio, laughter and hope remained invaluable commodities.

Transcript

[Narrator (She's Birdie Ad)]

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[Narrator/Announcer]

Lux presents Hollywood. Company. The makers of Lux Toilet soap brings you the Lux Radio Theater starring Jeff Chandler and Julie Adams in My Man Godfrey. Greetings from Hollywood, ladies and gentlemen.

[Godfrey]

Ladies and gentlemen.

[Narrator/Announcer]

In the early days of the Great Depression, there were still a few of the idle rich who were unaware of the plight of the forgotten man. They weren't callous, merely hair brained and giddy. And in tonight's play we will tell you the story of a fabulously wealthy family of the 30s and their forgotten man Godfrey. Starring in this zany universal international comedy, we will have two of their top stars. Stars Jeff Chandler and Julie Adams will join me later for a preview. The year is 1933. The place, New York's waterfront. The moonlight softly tips the majestic spires of the Queensborough Bridge with a silvery glow and comes gently to rest on a pile of refuse known as the city dump. In the center of this wasteland, a small fire is burning and our man Godfrey is tattered in tattered clothes with a three day growth of beard, sits on a packing case warming his hands. A luxurious limousine purrs softly into the scene and comes to a stop. Three people alike. One of them, a young lady in evening clothes, steps gingerly toward the fire.

[Cornelia Bullock]

Good evening.

[Godfrey]

Good evening.

[Irene Bullock]

How'd you like to make $5?

[Godfrey]

How would I. I didn't quite catch what you said.

[Irene Bullock]

I said, how would you like to make $5?

[Godfrey]

Well, I. I don't want to seem inquisitive, but what would I have to do for it?

[Irene Bullock]

All you have to do is go to the Waldorf Ritz Hotel with me and I'll show you to A few people and then I'll send you right back.

[Godfrey]

May I inquire just one why you would want to show me to people at the Waldorf Ritz?

[Irene Bullock]

Well, if you must know, it's a game. A scavenger hunt. If I find a forgotten man first, I win. Is that clear?

[Godfrey]

Yes, quite clear. Shall I wear my tails or come just as I am?

[Irene Bullock]

You needn't be fresh. You want the $5 a. Don't you?

[Godfrey]

Madam, I can't tell you how flattered I am by your very generous offer.

[Irene Bullock]

What are you doing? Get away from me.

[Godfrey]

However, I'm afraid I'll have to take it up with my board of directors.

[Cornelia Bullock]

Don't you touch me.

[Godfrey]

No matter what my board of directors advise, I think you should be spanked.

[Cornelia Bullock]

You knocked me down. You deliberately pushed me into that junk pile.

[Narrator/Announcer]

I didn't.

[Godfrey]

But it suited you nicely.

[Cornelia Bullock]

George. George, I saw that.

[Narrator/Announcer]

I saw what you did. Are you in the habit of hitting ladies?

[Godfrey]

Maybe. But I'm in the habit of hitting gentlemen also, if that'd interest me.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Now, don't you hit me.

[Cornelia Bullock]

George, aren't you going to do anything?

[Narrator/Announcer]

Hell, I most certainly am. I'm going to get a policeman. Come on, George.

[Cornelia Bullock]

Come back here.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Get in, dear. I'll show that bone if he can.

[Cornelia Bullock]

Hello.

[Godfrey]

Hello. Who are you?

[Irene Bullock]

Oh, I'm Irene. That was my sister Cornelia you pushed in the ash pile.

[Godfrey]

How would you like to have me push Cornelia's sister into an ash pile?

[Irene Bullock]

Oh, I don't think I'd like it.

[Godfrey]

No, no, wait a minute. Wait a minute. Are you a member of this hunting party?

[Irene Bullock]

I was, but I'm not now. Oh, it's the funniest thing. I couldn't help but laugh. I've wanted to do that ever since I was six years old.

[Godfrey]

You wanted to do what?

[Irene Bullock]

Oh, push Cornelia in something. A pile of ashes or something.

[Cornelia Bullock]

Cornelia thought she was going to win

[Irene Bullock]

and you pushed her in a pile of ashes.

[Godfrey]

Look, do you think you could follow an intelligent conversation for just a moment?

[Irene Bullock]

I'll try.

[Godfrey]

That's fine. Do you mind telling me just what a scavenger hunt is?

[Irene Bullock]

Well, a scavenger hunt is exactly like a treasure hunt, except that in a treasure hunt you find something you want. In a scavenger hunt, you try to find something that nobody wants, and the one that wins gets a prize. Only there really isn't a prize because all the money goes to charity. That is, if there's any money left over. Only there never is.

[Godfrey]

Oh, well, that Clears the whole matter up beautifully.

[Irene Bullock]

Thank you. Well, I suppose I should be going, shouldn't I?

[Godfrey]

It's a good idea.

[Irene Bullock]

I want to see who won the game. I suppose it was Cornelia again. She's probably got another forgotten man by now.

[Godfrey]

You mean if you took me along with you, you'd win the game? Is that the idea?

[Irene Bullock]

Well, I might if I got there first.

[Godfrey]

Let's beat Cornelia.

[Irene Bullock]

It wouldn't be asking too much?

[Godfrey]

Not at all. You see, I'm very curious. I'd really like to see just what his scavenger hunt looks like.

[Cornelia Bullock]

But I told you.

[Godfrey]

Yes, but I'm still cur.

[Irene Bullock]

Ladies and gentlemen, please.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Quiet, quiet. Miss Bullock has the forgotten match. Would you mind stepping up on the platform, please?

[Cornelia Bullock]

Yes, step right up on the platform.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Godfrey, do you mind if I ask you a few questions?

[Godfrey]

No, fire away.

[Narrator/Announcer]

What is your address?

[Godfrey]

City Dump 32, East River, Sutton Place.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Is that your permanent address?

[Godfrey]

Well, the permanency is rather questionable. You see, the place is being rapidly filled in.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Do you mind, may I ask you a personal question?

[Godfrey]

If it isn't too personal?

[Narrator/Announcer]

Are those whiskers your own?

[Godfrey]

No one else has claimed them.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Thank you. One more question. Are you wanted by the police?

[Godfrey]

That's just the trouble. Nobody wants me.

[Narrator/Announcer]

A very good answer.

[Irene Bullock]

Splendid. Godfrey.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Well, the committee is satisfied Ms. Irene Bullock wins the scavenger hunt for the forgotten man.

[Cornelia Bullock]

They want to speak. Turn around, Godfrey.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Sh.

[Irene Bullock]

He's going to speak.

[Godfrey]

My. My purpose in coming here tonight was twofold. First, I wanted to aid this young lady. Second, Iowa's curious to see how a bunch of empty headed nitwits conducted themselves. My curiosity is satisfied.

[Narrator/Announcer]

I assure you it'll be a pleasure

[Godfrey]

for me to go back to a society of really important people. Good night, ladies and gentlemen.

[Cornelia Bullock]

Oh, Godfrey. Godfrey, wait. Oh.

[Irene Bullock]

Oh, Godfrey, I'm terribly sorry.

[Godfrey]

That's all right.

[Irene Bullock]

I'd never have brought you in there if I thought they were going to humiliate you. I'm terribly grateful. It's the first time I've ever beaten Cornelia at anything, and you helped me do it. I wish I could do something for you.

[Godfrey]

Why?

[Irene Bullock]

Because you've done something for me. Don't you see?

[Godfrey]

Well, I could use her job if you got one lying around loose.

[Irene Bullock]

Can you buttle?

[Narrator/Announcer]

Buttle?

[Irene Bullock]

Yes, we're fresh out of butlers. The one we had left this morning.

[Godfrey]

I'm afraid I wouldn't be much good at it.

[Irene Bullock]

Oh, yes, you would. You're going to make the best butler we ever had.

[Godfrey]

You really think so?

[Irene Bullock]

Oh, I do.

[Godfrey]

Well, all right. Thank you.

[Irene Bullock]

Good night, Godfrey.

[Godfrey]

Good night.

[Irene Bullock]

Good night.

[Molly]

Well?

[Godfrey]

Oh, I beg your pardon. I'm the.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Yes.

[Molly]

You're the new butler. Well, I'm the old maid. Come in.

[Godfrey]

Thank you. How did you know I was the new butler?

[Molly]

No, there's one every morning at this hour, dropping in and out all the time.

[Godfrey]

Is the family that exacting.

[Molly]

No, they're that nutty.

[Godfrey]

I see. Does the. Does the butler have quarters here in the house, or isn't it necessary?

[Molly]

You won't need any quarters. Just hang your hat near the door so you can get her quickly on your way out.

[Godfrey]

What's that?

[Molly]

That's the old battle axe. She usually rings about this time.

[Godfrey]

The old battle axe?

[Molly]

Mrs. Bullock. She's the mother type. If she has the jitters, and she usually has, she'll ring again in a minute. No uncertain turns. Then, brother, you better grab a tomato juice and get going. There she goes. Well, Cupid, this is your big opportunity.

[Godfrey]

Shall I take it to her?

[Molly]

You might as well know the worst. But I want to warn you, she sees pixies.

[Godfrey]

Pixies?

[Molly]

You know, the little men.

[Godfrey]

Oh, those. Yes. Where. Where do I find her?

[Molly]

Upstairs. She's in the first cage on the right.

[Godfrey]

Wish me luck.

[Molly]

Happy landing.

[Cornelia Bullock]

Who is it?

[Godfrey]

Good morning, Mrs. Bullock.

[Irene Bullock]

Good morning. What day is it, Molly?

[Godfrey]

I. I'm not Molly.

[Irene Bullock]

Who isn't, Molly?

[Godfrey]

I'm not.

[Irene Bullock]

Well, stop jumping up and down so I can see who you are.

[Godfrey]

But I. I'm not jumping.

[Irene Bullock]

That's better. What's your name?

[Godfrey]

Godfrey.

[Irene Bullock]

Are you someone I know?

[Godfrey]

Well, we met last night at the Waldorf Ritz. I'm the forgotten man.

[Irene Bullock]

Oh, so many people have such bad memories.

[Godfrey]

Yes, that's the truth. Will you. Will you drink this now?

[Irene Bullock]

What's that?

[Godfrey]

Pixie remover.

[Cornelia Bullock]

Oh, then you see them, too.

[Godfrey]

Yes, yes, we're old friends.

[Irene Bullock]

Yes, but you mustn't step on them. I don't like them, but I don't like to see them stepped on.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Well, I'll be very careful.

[Godfrey]

I wouldn't hurt them for the world. You drink this, and they'll go away very quickly. Very, very quickly.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Thank you.

[Irene Bullock]

You're a great help. Go away.

[Cornelia Bullock]

Go away, little thing.

[Irene Bullock]

There they go. You're very comforting, Godfrey. Good night.

[Godfrey]

Good night.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Good.

[Narrator (She's Birdie Ad)]

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[Molly]

Hello. I put your hat and valise at the foot of the stairs.

[Godfrey]

I. I think I won the first round.

[Molly]

You mean you're still working here?

[Godfrey]

I haven't heard anything to the contrary.

[Molly]

Well, you just got by the cub. Now try the lioness.

[Godfrey]

Which is she?

[Molly]

Her name's Cornelia. She's a sweet tempered little number.

[Godfrey]

Yes, I met her last night.

[Molly]

You've got a treat coming. You've never met her in the morning.

[Godfrey]

Well, let me have her tray.

[Molly]

Second door.

[Godfrey]

Thank you.

[Irene Bullock]

Who's that?

[Narrator/Announcer]

Good morning.

[Godfrey]

Missing.

[Irene Bullock]

Into my room.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Well, I only.

[Godfrey]

I have your. You don't understand.

[Cornelia Bullock]

God, I said. And don't come back.

[Molly]

Hello?

[Godfrey]

Hello? I'm afraid I lost the second round.

[Cornelia Bullock]

Hey, Molly, cut out all that noise

[Irene Bullock]

and bring me some breakfast.

[Molly]

Opportunity never stops knocking in this house. S. Irene. Do you want to try again?

[Godfrey]

Why not? Well, here goes.

[Molly]

Lots of luck.

[Godfrey]

Good morning. I brought your breakfast.

[Irene Bullock]

Are you the new butler?

[Godfrey]

Don't you remember last night?

[Irene Bullock]

Well, what happened to Godfrey?

[Godfrey]

I'm Godfrey.

[Cornelia Bullock]

Oh, you look so different.

[Irene Bullock]

What happened to all those nice whiskers? Well, turn around and let me look at you. Oh, you're the cutest thing. Thing I've ever seen.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Thank you.

[Godfrey]

Will there be anything else?

[Irene Bullock]

Yes. Sit down and talk to me. I like to talk in the morning when your head is clear. Especially if you've been somewhere the night before. Sit down.

[Godfrey]

Oh, if you insist. But it doesn't seem very good form for a butler.

[Irene Bullock]

Oh, you're more than a butler. You're the first protege I ever had.

[Godfrey]

Protege?

[Irene Bullock]

You know, like Carlo.

[Godfrey]

Who is Carlo?

[Irene Bullock]

He's Mother's protege.

[Godfrey]

Oh.

[Irene Bullock]

You know, it's awfully nice, Carlo having a sponsor, because then he doesn't have to work and he gets more time for his practicing then he never does. And that makes a difference?

[Godfrey]

I imagine it would.

[Irene Bullock]

It makes me feel so mature and grown up.

[Godfrey]

What does?

[Irene Bullock]

Having a protege. You're the first one I ever had, and it's terribly thrilling.

[Godfrey]

But tell me, just what does a protege have to do?

[Irene Bullock]

Oh, you just go on battling, and I sponsor you. Don't you see?

[Godfrey]

It's getting clearer.

[Irene Bullock]

It's really not much work, but it gives you something to think of. It's going to be such fun.

[Godfrey]

I'm sure it's going to be heaps of fun, but you see, a protege has certain responsibilities also. For instance, if someone should ring for me now, and I didn't answer, that would reflect upon you because you're my sponsor. Don't you see?

[Irene Bullock]

Yes, I suppose it would. I never thought of that. You don't know how nice it is having some intelligent person to talk to.

[Godfrey]

It's been very enlightening to me, too.

[Cornelia Bullock]

Oh.

[Irene Bullock]

Oh, I just thought of something else. Do you know what you are?

[Godfrey]

I'm not quite sure.

[Irene Bullock]

You're my responsibility.

[Godfrey]

Oh, that's very nice.

[Irene Bullock]

See you in church.

[Godfrey]

See you in church.

[Irene Bullock]

Goodbye, Godfrey.

[Godfrey]

Goodbye, miss.

[Cornelia Bullock]

Oh, Godfrey.

[Godfrey]

Yes, Miss Cornelia.

[Irene Bullock]

I see you're still with us, Godfrey.

[Godfrey]

Yes, miss.

[Irene Bullock]

I didn't think you'd last a full day.

[Godfrey]

Thank you, miss.

[Irene Bullock]

You like your place here? I mean, so far as you've gone.

[Godfrey]

I must admit it's more desirable than living in a packing case on a city dump.

[Irene Bullock]

Oh, that's where I met you, isn't it? Yes, I remember now. You were very amusing.

[Godfrey]

Well, I am very sorry, miss.

[Irene Bullock]

I didn't mind at all. With your handkerchief. There's a spot on my shoe. Will you see what you can do about it?

[Godfrey]

Of course, miss.

[Irene Bullock]

We could have you fired, you know. But I like to see things wriggle. When I get through with you, you go back to your packing case on the city dump and relish it. I'll make your life so miserable.

[Godfrey]

Good evening, Miss Irene.

[Irene Bullock]

Oh, I'd like a new monkey suit.

[Godfrey]

Thank you for picking it out.

[Irene Bullock]

How do you like my new lounging pajamas?

[Godfrey]

I think they're very nice. Thank you.

[Irene Bullock]

I heard what you said to Godfrey. So what? So what? You leave him alone. Who's going to make me leave him alone? If you don't, you'll get a good sock from me. Oh, the physical sock. What I say goes.

[Godfrey]

May I come in?

[Irene Bullock]

You're in, aren't you?

[Narrator/Announcer]

Good evening, Irene.

[Irene Bullock]

Oh, hello, Carlo.

[Narrator/Announcer]

I've just been reading a very interesting book, the Greeks of the Middle Ages.

[Cornelia Bullock]

Irene would like that.

[Irene Bullock]

You love the Middle Ages, don't you, dear? Shut up.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Well, here you are, Mrs. Bullock.

[Cornelia Bullock]

Marta, gratia Carlo.

[Irene Bullock]

You're so continental. It's so nice to see you two girls having a pleasant chat. Or is it a perfect pleasant chat?

[Narrator/Announcer]

Well, well, well. Imagine the Bullocks gathered together all in one room.

[Irene Bullock]

Don't forget Carlo, Alexander.

[Narrator/Announcer]

I'm not going to forget Carlo. Don't bother about me, Mr. Bullock. I feel like one of the family. Then you don't mind if I discuss a few family matters, do you, Carlo, my boy? Oh, no, not at all.

[Irene Bullock]

Oh, Alexander, you're not going to bring up those sordid business matters again, I hope.

[Narrator/Announcer]

I have just been going over last month bills, and I find that you people have confused me with the Treasury Department.

[Irene Bullock]

No, don't start that again, dad.

[Narrator/Announcer]

I've got to start it, the way you people are throwing my money around.

[Cornelia Bullock]

Money, money, money, money, money, money, money.

[Narrator/Announcer]

The Frankenstein monster that destroys souls.

[Molly]

What?

[Narrator/Announcer]

Now, listen, you.

[Irene Bullock]

Please, please don't say anything more about it. You're upsetting Carlo.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Carlo, Carlo. Who's the head of this house, Carlo or me? I've never.

[Godfrey]

Cocktails, sir? Oh, thank you, Godfrey. Not at all, sir. Miss Irene.

[Irene Bullock]

Did you make them, Godfrey?

[Godfrey]

I have.

[Irene Bullock]

Oh, they must be wonderful. I'd like to help sometime, if you'll let me.

[Godfrey]

I'd feel honored.

[Irene Bullock]

While we're on the subject, how about this business of certain people picking up anybody they find on the city dump and dragging them into the house? For all we know, we might all

[Cornelia Bullock]

be stabbed in the back. Not even robbed. Who's going to rob and stab who?

[Irene Bullock]

Cornelia? I don't know a thing about certain people. You shut up. I will not shut up. My life is precious to me. It won't be in a minute. I think we should get our help from employment agencies.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Well, I don't know, but when I

[Cornelia Bullock]

agree with Cornelia, you youu upset Carlo

[Irene Bullock]

and now you're upsetting Irene.

[Cornelia Bullock]

You. Don't you remember her breakdown last summer? I do.

[Irene Bullock]

That's why I'm not paying any attention to this.

[Cornelia Bullock]

Well, if nothing can sponsor Carla, why can't I sponsor Godfrey?

[Irene Bullock]

Godfrey knows I'm not being Churchill, but after all, none of us would like to wake up some morning stabbed to death. Now, Cornelia, you mustn't come between Irene and Godfrey. He's the only thing she's shown any affection for since her Pomeranian died last summer.

[Cornelia Bullock]

Oh, now, Irene, you must another spell.

[Narrator/Announcer]

What is all this nonsense?

[Irene Bullock]

Please be Clyde. You never did understand women.

[Cornelia Bullock]

Why don't you get the doctor? I don't want a doctor.

[Irene Bullock]

Do you want an ice bag?

[Cornelia Bullock]

No, I don't want an ice bag. I want a job.

[Irene Bullock]

You want to do that?

[Narrator/Announcer]

Carlos.

[Irene Bullock]

Carlos, use a gorilla for Irene.

[Cornelia Bullock]

It always amuses I'm not in the mood.

[Irene Bullock]

Stop eating those Arabs.

[Narrator/Announcer]

All right, I'll do it. But my heart wouldn't be in it. Irene, dear. Good girl.

[Irene Bullock]

Car's going to imitate a gorilla for you.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Gorilla? I'd rather see him imitate a man. This is too much.

[Cornelia Bullock]

Too much.

[Narrator/Announcer]

It certainly is. I'm getting out of this mad house. I'll be at the club if you want me, and I hope you don't.

[Cornelia Bullock]

Well, I'm off for dinner.

[Irene Bullock]

We must all get together again sometimes. Goodbye, Irene. Irene, are you feeling all right? Irene, where's Godfrey? Oh, he's right here. Don't go away, Godfrey.

[Godfrey]

Angelica, we'll be late for the country.

[Irene Bullock]

Oh, God, my things. I'll be right with you. Godfrey's right here, darling.

[Cornelia Bullock]

Where? Right here.

[Irene Bullock]

Look, Godfrey, say hello to Irene so she'll know who you are.

[Godfrey]

Hello.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Oh.

[Irene Bullock]

Oh, hello, Godfrey. And he's promised to stay on, haven't you, Godfrey?

[Godfrey]

If I'm wanted.

[Irene Bullock]

Oh, of course you're wanted. Isn't he ivory? Yes. Go away. Oh, yes, darling, I'm going.

[Cornelia Bullock]

Goodbye, darling.

[Irene Bullock]

Come on. Hello.

[Cornelia Bullock]

Hurry.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Hurty party. Always honor.

[Irene Bullock]

Godfrey.

[Godfrey]

Yes, miss?

[Irene Bullock]

Sit down, Godfrey. No, no. Over here by me.

[Godfrey]

Thank you, Miss.

[Irene Bullock]

Godfrey, would you mind kissing me?

[Godfrey]

Miss Irene, I I hardly think oh,

[Narrator/Announcer]

God, Please, Miss Irene, you mustn't.

[Cornelia Bullock]

Well,

[Narrator/Announcer]

excuse me.

[Cornelia Bullock]

Godfrey, come back here. Where are you going?

[Narrator/Announcer]

I'm going to my room.

[Cornelia Bullock]

Godfrey, wait for me. Godfrey. Godfrey. Godfrey.

[Irene Bullock]

Come on, Godfrey.

[Cornelia Bullock]

You open this door. Godfrey. Oh.

[Irene Bullock]

Oh, there you are. Godfrey.

[Godfrey]

Please. Miss Irene, you can't come in here.

[Cornelia Bullock]

Why not?

[Irene Bullock]

It's our home, isn't it? After all, one room's just like any other room. Besides, I want to talk.

[Godfrey]

I'm terribly sorry, but we can't talk here.

[Irene Bullock]

Don't you think it's rather indecent of you to order me out after you kissed me?

[Narrator/Announcer]

After I kissed you?

[Cornelia Bullock]

Of course. Godfrey, don't you remember?

[Godfrey]

Miss Irene, hasn't anyone ever told you about certain proprieties?

[Irene Bullock]

Oh, you use such lovely big words. I like big words. What does it mean?

[Bubba Wallace (Chumba Casino Ad)]

You.

[Godfrey]

You want me to remain on here as butler, don't you? And I want to justify your faith in me by being a very good butler, and, in time, perhaps, filling the void created by the death of your late, lamented Pomeranian.

[Irene Bullock]

Oh, I've forgotten all about him yet.

[Cornelia Bullock]

Please.

[Irene Bullock]

Anyway, besides, you're different. You use big words, and you're much cuter.

[Godfrey]

May I tell you a story?

[Irene Bullock]

I'd love it.

[Godfrey]

Once there was a very sentimental little girl with a. A very kind heart, and she helped a man who was very grateful. Then she became a nuisance and undid all the fine work she had done.

[Irene Bullock]

Was it someone you know?

[Godfrey]

Her name is Irene Bullock. And if she were a smart little girl, she'd pick out some nice young chap in her own social set and marry him and live happily ever after and never, never enter the butler's room again.

[Cornelia Bullock]

You mean I never, never, never can come in here again?

[Godfrey]

Never. Now, come on, out you go.

[Cornelia Bullock]

And gosh we.

[Narrator/Announcer]

This way, please.

[Cornelia Bullock]

No, no, I won't say now.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Let me go outside, please.

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[Narrator/Announcer]

Two days have passed during which Irene has shown an all too evident affection for her man, Godfrey. In the bullock living room, a cocktail party is in progress. Irene, dressed in mourning, watches with magic eyes as Godfrey Gustavi moves among the guests.

[Irene Bullock]

Now, let me see, what has I did?

[Cornelia Bullock]

Spade.

[Irene Bullock]

I never can tell the difference between spades and trots.

[Godfrey]

Some order, Mrs. Bolk's.

[Narrator/Announcer]

What?

[Irene Bullock]

Oh, yes, thank you, Guthrie.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Hello, everybody.

[Irene Bullock]

Oh, look, it's Tommy Gray, the polo player. Tommy, come over here to mean Cornelia.

[Cornelia Bullock]

Look who's here.

[Narrator/Announcer]

How are you, Angelica?

[Irene Bullock]

Oh, I'm just fine.

[Cornelia Bullock]

Guthrie, where are you going?

[Irene Bullock]

Don't come.

[Godfrey]

Sorry.

[Irene Bullock]

Give Mr. Gray some order of Godfrey.

[Godfrey]

Very good, madam. Mr. Gray. Oh, thank you.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Well, if it isn't Godfrey Park.

[Godfrey]

Smith, sir. Godfrey Smith.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Smith? What do you mean, Smith?

[Irene Bullock]

Oh, do you know Godfrey, Tommy?

[Godfrey]

No.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Him. We went to Harvard together.

[Irene Bullock]

Imagine, a butler with a college education.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Butler? Is this a gag?

[Godfrey]

Mr. Gray neglected his tell you that when we were in Harvard together, I was his valet.

[Irene Bullock]

Oh, was he a good servant, Tommy?

[Narrator/Announcer]

Oh, excellent. What's the idea, Godfrey?

[Godfrey]

Tell you later.

[Irene Bullock]

Strange you never gave Mr. Gray as a reference, Godfrey.

[Godfrey]

Well, you see, I. I left Mr. Gray under very unusual circumstances.

[Irene Bullock]

What circumstances?

[Godfrey]

I'd rather Mr. Gray told you about that.

[Irene Bullock]

Oh, yes, go ahead, Tommy, tell us.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Well. Well, you see, Godfrey was working for us as a butler, and Whatnot. And things were going along very well, but one day he. You sure you don't want to tell this Godfrey?

[Godfrey]

I'd so much rather you would, Mr. Gray.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Oh, well, Godfrey was working for us quite some time, and one day he came to me and he said, Mr. Gray, he said, trust that my work has been satisfactory. And I said, of course, I said, I've never had more satisfactory work done in my life. And he said, thank you, sir. He was always very courteous. Guy Free was.

[Cornelia Bullock]

Then he left?

[Narrator/Announcer]

Yes, he. He decided he had to leave.

[Irene Bullock]

Why?

[Narrator/Announcer]

Well, he decided in favor of his wife and five children.

[Cornelia Bullock]

Godfrey, why didn't you tell me you had five children?

[Godfrey]

You never asked.

[Cornelia Bullock]

Miss Irene, All I've got to say

[Irene Bullock]

is, if other people can have five children. She talking to other people?

[Cornelia Bullock]

Now, listen, everybody.

[Irene Bullock]

I want to make an announcement about something. I want to announce my engagement.

[Cornelia Bullock]

Oh, darling, congratulations. Who's the lucky man, Irene?

[Irene Bullock]

Not Johnny Van Rumple? Yes. Yes, that's whom it is.

[Cornelia Bullock]

Johnny Van Rumple.

[Irene Bullock]

Oh, I think this.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Godfrey, what is all this?

[Godfrey]

Meet me tomorrow, Waldorf, Rich squire, three o'.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Clock.

[Godfrey]

I'll explain everything.

[Irene Bullock]

Isn't this engagement a little sudden? Irene? You shut up. Why don't you wish her luck, Godfrey? Yes. Come and congratulate Irene, Godfrey.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Certainly.

[Godfrey]

May I congratulate you, Miss Irene? I wish you all the happiness in the world.

[Irene Bullock]

You wish?

[Cornelia Bullock]

You wish. Oh, Irene.

[Irene Bullock]

Well, isn't that funny? Crying at her own engagement party. Sometimes I don't think my daughters are all there.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Oh, Godfrey, over here.

[Godfrey]

Hello to me.

[Narrator/Announcer]

I thought you said you'd meet me here at 3.

[Godfrey]

Sorry it took me a little longer than usual to make the beds.

[Narrator/Announcer]

What are you drinking?

[Godfrey]

I think I'll have a rousing lemonade.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Lemonade? You sure you can handle it? One lemonade. One martini, Joe. Yes, sir. Well, let's have it. Have worked the story when I wander into that Fifth Avenue asylum and see one of the parks of Boston serving hors d'.

[Godfrey]

Oeuvre. There must be a story. Oh, yes, there is, Tony. You remember that little incident up in Boston?

[Narrator/Announcer]

You still have that woman on your mind?

[Godfrey]

Oh, not anymore. But I was pretty bitter at the time. So I gave her everything I had and just disappeared. And Tommy, it's surprising how fast you can go downhill when you begin to feel sorry for yourself. And boy, did I feel sorry for myself. I wandered down to the east river one night, thinking I'd just slide in and get it over with. I met some fellows living there on the city dump. People who were Fighting it out, not complaining. I never got as far as the river. What happened? I stopped feeling sorry for myself. I built a shack of my own. I did all sorts of things just to live. Then, well, when something happened, I got a chance to take this job. But to rehabilitate myself, I took it.

[Narrator/Announcer]

That's all?

[Godfrey]

That's all. But someday. Someday, Tommy, I'm gonna do a little rehabilitating around that dump. And that's why I'm glad I met you.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Me?

[Godfrey]

You're going to help, too.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Excuse me, Mr. Gray? Oh, yes. You want it on the phone, sir. Thanks right back, Godsey.

[Godfrey]

Take your time.

[Irene Bullock]

Good afternoon, Godsey.

[Godfrey]

Oh, good afternoon, Miss Cornelia.

[Irene Bullock]

May I sit down? Well, the mystery is solved, isn't it?

[Godfrey]

The mystery, Miss Cornelia?

[Irene Bullock]

Yes. Now I know what a butler does on his day off. When you worked for Mr. Gray, were the two of you always this chummy?

[Godfrey]

Well, you see, I. I worked for Mr. Gray a long time.

[Irene Bullock]

Well, if you can be so chummy with the Grays, why can't you be chummy with the books?

[Godfrey]

I try to keep my place.

[Irene Bullock]

Why? You're very attractive, you know.

[Godfrey]

As a Butler?

[Irene Bullock]

No, as Mr. Smith. You're a rotten butler.

[Godfrey]

Sorry.

[Irene Bullock]

We're going to be friends.

[Godfrey]

And I feel that on my day off, I should have the privilege of choosing my friends.

[Irene Bullock]

You can't go on like this forever. You really like me, and you're afraid to admit it, aren't you?

[Godfrey]

Do you want me to tell you what I really think of you?

[Irene Bullock]

Please do.

[Godfrey]

You won't hold it against me.

[Irene Bullock]

It's your day off.

[Godfrey]

Very well, Miss Cornelia. You belong to that unfortunate category I would call the Park Avenue A spoiled child who has grown up in ease and luxury, who always had her own way, and whose misdirected energies are so childish they hardly deserve the comment even of a butler on his off. Thursday.

[Irene Bullock]

Thank you for a very lovely portrait. Goodbye for now. I'll see you down by the ash pile

[Narrator/Announcer]

later. Yes, sir.

[Godfrey]

Change that order. Make it two martinis, double.

[Irene Bullock]

Molly.

[Molly]

Yes, Miss Irene.

[Irene Bullock]

What are you doing?

[Molly]

Sewing some buttons on a coat.

[Irene Bullock]

Oh. Oh, it's his coat. Yes, the coat is his. I'd like to throw his buttons on sometime when they come off. I wouldn't mind at all. I could do it down here in the kitchen. Kitchen?

[Molly]

He doesn't lose very many.

[Irene Bullock]

He's very tidy, isn't he?

[Molly]

Yes, he's very tidy.

[Irene Bullock]

What does he do on his day off?

[Molly]

He never tells me.

[Irene Bullock]

He's probably sitting somewhere with some Woman on his lap. He's the meanest man I know. I think he's very mean. He's sitting somewhere with somebody and his

[Cornelia Bullock]

left to do Guessing it all. I know baby's children there too Calling him. Oh, I can't say it. Please don't. You too? Yeah, I know exactly how you feel.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Well, Ellis, how about a quartet? For tomorrow may bring sorrow so tonight let us be gay. Hi, toots.

[Cornelia Bullock]

Alfred, look at you. Where have you been?

[Godfrey]

Undermine, Drinking rousing lemonades.

[Cornelia Bullock]

Father, Mother, Irene. Everybody, come here, quick.

[Irene Bullock]

What's the matter? Ms. Cornelia?

[Cornelia Bullock]

Father, Mother, what's the matter?

[Narrator/Announcer]

What's going on around here now?

[Cornelia Bullock]

Father, my pearls.

[Narrator/Announcer]

What about your pearls?

[Cornelia Bullock]

They've been stolen.

[Irene Bullock]

Stolen?

[Narrator/Announcer]

Stolen? That's terrible. What'll we do? Will you call the police?

[Irene Bullock]

What will you do?

[Narrator/Announcer]

Call the police. Good idea. Call the police. The G Men.

[Godfrey]

Give me that hole.

[Cornelia Bullock]

You don't have to bother.

[Irene Bullock]

I've already called them. And I think I know who did it. In fact, I'm almost sure this episode

[Narrator (She's Birdie Ad)]

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[Irene Bullock]

What do you say, Godfrey?

[Narrator/Announcer]

Hi, Toots. When did you miss the pearls?

[Irene Bullock]

Ms. Bullock, this afternoon when I came home, I had put them in my jewel case this morning after breakfast. She probably lost them last year. She left them in a taxi.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Did anyone see you put the pearls in the case?

[ZipRecruiter Announcer]

No.

[Irene Bullock]

Yes, Godfrey did. He was taking the tray out of my room. He saw me.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Godfrey, huh? Who's Godfrey?

[Godfrey]

That's me. I. No, no.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Me butler.

[Irene Bullock]

He's the best butler we ever had. Oh, I'm sure Godfrey didn't do it, although we don't know very much about him. My sister picked him up on the city dump.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Oh, I see.

[Irene Bullock]

Are you accusing Godfrey? I'm not accusing anyone. I want my necklace. It's perfectly silly to think of Godfrey wearing a pearl necklace.

[Molly]

Yeah.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Would you mind if we search your quarters, Godfrey?

[Godfrey]

Why, not at all. This way, everybody.

[Cornelia Bullock]

Shut up. Shut up.

[Narrator/Announcer]

How can I find the pearls with everybody yelling at me? I can't find him anyhow. Where, oh, where has my little dog gone? Shut up, you. Miss Bullock, are you sure you lost your pearls?

[Irene Bullock]

Of course I'm sure.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Well, they're not in this room.

[Irene Bullock]

Look under the mattress.

[Narrator/Announcer]

What?

[Cornelia Bullock]

I said, look under the mattress.

[Godfrey]

Yes, that's a good place.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Okay. No, they're not under here either, but

[Cornelia Bullock]

they must be there.

[Narrator/Announcer]

What?

[Cornelia Bullock]

Nothing.

[Irene Bullock]

What made you so sure they'd be under the mattress? Cornelius.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Yeah? What made you so sure?

[Irene Bullock]

Yeah, what? Well, I just. Well, that's where people usually hide things, isn't it? What are you up to?

[Narrator/Announcer]

There's something screwy around here. Yes, and I think I know who.

[Cornelia Bullock]

Yes, and so do I.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Officer. This whole thing looks like a mistake. Now, if you'll just forget it, I'll be very much obliged. My daughter is. Well, she's a little, you know. Yeah, I know, but it ain't such a little. Oh, thank you, Godfrey. Thank you. Say, listen to this. Mrs. Bullock and her two daughters sailed yesterday for a holiday cruise around the world. It is rumored that the younger daughter, Irene, is trying to forget a broken engagement. Plus another heartthrob, which is the real reason for the trip. What do you think of that?

[Godfrey]

It is a little quiet.

[Narrator/Announcer]

The socialite Mrs. Bullock and her two charming daughters relaxing on the beach at Dalvin. They don't know what relaxing is. This is the first good rest I've had in 20 years. Expected home next week. Godfrey, they're coming home.

[Godfrey]

Yes, sir. Your breakfast, sir.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Never mind the breakfast. Just bring me a cup of coffee and four aspirins.

[Irene Bullock]

Hello, Godfrey.

[Godfrey]

Good evening, miss.

[Irene Bullock]

Doing the dishes?

[Godfrey]

It's the usual procedure after dinner.

[Irene Bullock]

Oh, it's nice to be home again, Godfrey.

[Godfrey]

It's nice to have you.

[Irene Bullock]

Did you mean it this afternoon when you said you missed me?

[Godfrey]

Yes, of course I did.

[Irene Bullock]

I mean, did you miss Cornelia and me, or just me?

[Godfrey]

Oh, I may have missed you a little more than I did Cornelia.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Why?

[Irene Bullock]

Oh, I'm glad. Because if you miss Cornelia more, you probably miss me less.

[Godfrey]

That sounds very logical.

[Irene Bullock]

You look so cute in your apron.

[Godfrey]

I'm not trying to look cute. Molly has a cold. I'm doubling for her.

[Irene Bullock]

Will you let me do something?

[Godfrey]

If I ask you, what do you want to do?

[Irene Bullock]

Why?

[Godfrey]

All right, you can tell me all about your trip.

[Irene Bullock]

Well, you. You won't get mine.

[Godfrey]

Why should I?

[Irene Bullock]

Because every place I went, everybody was God free.

[Godfrey]

I. I don't want to seem dull, but I do seem to have a little trouble following you at times.

[Irene Bullock]

Well, for instance, whenever I go in a restaurant in Paris or any place, I close my eyes and say the waiter was Godfrey, and I say, I'm home and he's serving me dinner. It made everything taste better. And when I get in the cab, I think the driver's Godfrey.

[Cornelia Bullock]

Oh.

[Irene Bullock]

And then we went to Venice, and one night I went for a ride in one of those rowboats at the man pushing for the stick. Not a matador, that was in Spain. But something like a matador.

[Godfrey]

Do you, by any chance mean a gondola?

[Irene Bullock]

Yes, that was the name of the boat. And the man that pushed it sang. He looked just like you. Oh, it was wonderful.

[Godfrey]

Look, do you mind if. If I talk for a little bit while you catch your breath?

[Irene Bullock]

I'd love it.

[Godfrey]

Well, while you've been away, I've been doing some things also. I've been trying to do things that I thought would make you proud of me.

[Irene Bullock]

Oh, I was proud of you before I went away.

[Godfrey]

Yes, but I mean, prouder still, you see. Well, you helped me to find myself. I'm very grateful.

[Irene Bullock]

You'd make a wonderful husband.

[Godfrey]

No, I'm afraid not.

[Irene Bullock]

But I'd make a wonderful wife.

[Godfrey]

Not for me, I'm afraid. But we are friends, and I feel a certain responsibility to you. That's why I wanted to tell you first.

[Irene Bullock]

Tell me what?

[Godfrey]

Well, I thought it was about time I was moving on.

[Irene Bullock]

Godfrey.

[Godfrey]

No, no, no, please, please don't.

[Cornelia Bullock]

Oh, I won't cry, I promise.

[Godfrey]

It's fine. After all, I'm your protege, and you want me to improve myself, don't you?

[Irene Bullock]

I want you to be anything you want to be.

[Godfrey]

That's very sweet. When are you Leaving pretty soon, but. Well, I'll call you up every now and then. We'll have long chats and I'll tell you how I'm getting along. We'll have lots of fun.

[Irene Bullock]

Are you going back to her?

[Narrator/Announcer]

To whom?

[Cornelia Bullock]

Your wife.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Wife?

[Godfrey]

Well, she was just a fabrication.

[Cornelia Bullock]

Oh, then you aren't married?

[Godfrey]

Of course not.

[Cornelia Bullock]

And there are any five children.

[Godfrey]

They couldn't be very well.

[Cornelia Bullock]

Oh, Godfrey.

[Irene Bullock]

Oh, Godfrey.

[Godfrey]

Did you ring Miss Cornelia?

[Irene Bullock]

Come in, Godfrey. You needn't be so formal when we're alone.

[Godfrey]

Yes, miss.

[Irene Bullock]

There's a little matter I'd like to talk over with you. I met some people on the boat coming over. A Boston family. They know a great deal about A family called the Park. Are you interested, Godfrey?

[Godfrey]

Slightly, yes.

[Irene Bullock]

Oh, we can't talk here. Very well. Let you and I take a long taxi ride out Van Cortlandt way. I heard what you said. Did you? He's not going out with you. Oh, yes, he is, if he knows what's good for him. I'll be waiting.

[Cornelia Bullock]

Darcy, he's not going. He's not? He's not.

[Irene Bullock]

Oh, Godfrey, you can't go out with Cornelia.

[Godfrey]

But I didn't say I was going anyplace with Miss Cornelia.

[Irene Bullock]

Oh, I know, but you will. She always gets the wrong way. She makes everybody do just as she likes.

[Godfrey]

Why should you care whether or not I meet her?

[Cornelia Bullock]

Well, I do care, that's why.

[Irene Bullock]

Cornelia is the one who doesn't care.

[Godfrey]

I think I should decide those things for myself.

[Irene Bullock]

Oh, Godfrey.

[Cornelia Bullock]

I don't want to be annoying, but I.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Here, Miss Irene.

[Godfrey]

Come on. Come on, get up. Open your eyes. You hear me? Open your eyes. If you're faking another spell, you're on the wrong track. Are you faking? Oh, you're not, eh?

[Narrator/Announcer]

Right.

[Godfrey]

We'll soon find out, dear. No.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Up she goes. That's the girl now.

[Godfrey]

I'll just carry her inside. Godfrey knows how to take care of little Irene when she faints. Godfrey will take care of everything.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Right in. Here we go.

[Godfrey]

Does Irene know where she is now? No, no. Irene has her eyes closed. She's fainted. Godfrey will soon fix Irene. Just sit here.

[Narrator/Announcer]

That's the girl.

[Godfrey]

Everything will be fine in just a minute. The best thing for the faints is

[Narrator/Announcer]

a nice cold shower bath. You'll feel fine in a minute.

[Cornelia Bullock]

Godfrey. Godfrey, come back here. Godfrey, where are you? Godfrey. Godfrey. Irene, Stop running around all wet. Mother. Mother, he loves me. He loves me. He put me in the shower. Godfrey loves me. Put me in the shower. Godfrey loves me, Put me in the shower. Godfrey loves me, Put me in the shower.

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[Narrator/Announcer]

It's the following afternoon. In the Bullock living room. Carlos drums idly on the piano while Mrs. Bullock and Cornelia listen inattentively. Mr. Bullock, entering from the hall, surveys the scene gloomily. O Solomeo. O Solomio. Shut up.

[Irene Bullock]

What did you say?

[Narrator/Announcer]

I told him to shut up.

[Irene Bullock]

Well, I never.

[Narrator/Announcer]

And you can shut up with him. And you too, Cornelia.

[Cornelia Bullock]

Up my mouth.

[Godfrey]

Well, don't.

[Narrator/Announcer]

I've got some news for you. That'll open it fast enough. Now listen, and listen carefully because it hurts me to repeat it. The Bullocks are broke.

[Cornelia Bullock]

What?

[Narrator/Announcer]

I am broke. You are broke. She is broke. We are all broke. Not only that, but I've been using the company's money for the last month to speculate with. And I've lost. You hear that? I've lost. That means I'm an embezzler. Unless I get hold of a wad of Money by the 1st of the month, I'm going to jail. Now, isn't that an interesting story?

[Irene Bullock]

Well, I certainly think it was very foolish of you. You have no right to do it.

[Narrator/Announcer]

An umbler to think that I have been a guest in your house. Is there nothing left now? A set. Your food and drink have turned to dirt in my mouth. That settles it. Carlo, will you step into the hall for a moment?

[Godfrey]

What for?

[Narrator/Announcer]

I want to speak to you as man to man. You have found a way out? Yes. For one of us, anyhow. This way, Carlo.

[Godfrey]

Excuse me, please.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Well,

[Cornelia Bullock]

Alessandro, how you doing out there? Alexander, what are you doing? Alexandra, come here.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Come here. I'm here. What do you want?

[Irene Bullock]

What did you say to Carlo?

[Narrator/Announcer]

I said goodbye.

[Cornelia Bullock]

Did he go?

[Narrator/Announcer]

Yes, he left very hurriedly. That side window.

[Cornelia Bullock]

Oh, Alexander, you're cruel.

[Godfrey]

Did I hear something, Paul, sir?

[Narrator/Announcer]

Yes, you did.

[Irene Bullock]

Godfrey, come here. Carlo is gone.

[Godfrey]

Is he?

[Irene Bullock]

You don't even seem surprised.

[Godfrey]

I think I've been expecting it. We all have to go sooner or later.

[Irene Bullock]

Yes, that's true, isn't it? Oh, you're so smart, Godfrey. Maybe you can tell me why Mr. Boy Bullock has to go to jail.

[Cornelia Bullock]

Mother.

[Godfrey]

No. I'm sure Mr. Bullock doesn't have to go to jail.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Oh, yes, I do.

[Godfrey]

Oh, no, sir. You see, I've known for some time, sir, that the Bullock interests are in rather a bad way.

[Narrator/Announcer]

How did you know that?

[Godfrey]

Oh, I followed the market a bit. So I took the liberty of dabbling in some stock on my own account. Yes, sir.

[Narrator/Announcer]

What's this?

[Godfrey]

That's most of your stock. I. I knew it was being dumped on the market. I also knew somebody was going to be caught short.

[Irene Bullock]

Short? You mean, gentlemen, short?

[Narrator/Announcer]

Now, just a minute. Just a minute, please, gentlemen. Do you mean to Godfrey that you've been making money while I was losing it?

[Godfrey]

Well, I did it in your interest. I felt I owed your family a debt. I hope I've repaid it. I may add, some of the money went into a project of my own. I hope you won't mind, sir.

[Irene Bullock]

You mean you did all that on $150 a month?

[Godfrey]

Well, hardly. You see, with the aid of Tommy Gray, I was able to transmute a certain trinket into gold and then into stock, and then back into pearls again. Thank you, Miss Cornelia, for the use of this trinket. Your pearls, Miss Cornelia.

[Irene Bullock]

Oh, Godfrey, then you did steal them after all. Well, I. I put the pearls under Godfrey's mattress.

[Godfrey]

Oh, thank you, Miss Cornelia. I hoped you'd say that.

[Irene Bullock]

Here, Godfrey, these pearls are rightly yours.

[Godfrey]

No, thank you. I've repaid my debt and I'm grateful to all of you.

[Irene Bullock]

If anyone's indebted, we are, after the way some of us have treated you.

[Godfrey]

No, I've been repaid in many ways. I Learned patience from Mr. Bullock. I found Mrs. Bullock at all times, shall we say, amusing.

[Irene Bullock]

Oh, that's very complimentary of you, Godfrey. What good did you find in me, if any?

[Godfrey]

A great deal, Miss Cornelia. You taught me the. The fallacy of false pride. You taught me humility.

[Irene Bullock]

I don't understand you.

[Godfrey]

Well, Miss Cornelia, there have been other spoiled children in the world. I happen to be one of them myself.

[Narrator/Announcer]

You're a high spirited girl.

[Godfrey]

I can only hope that you'll use those high spirits in a more constructive way. So, goodbye.

[Irene Bullock]

Oh, dear.

[Godfrey]

There goes a great guy.

[Irene Bullock]

Hello.

[Cornelia Bullock]

Hello, Irene.

[Irene Bullock]

What's the matter?

[Cornelia Bullock]

Nothing.

[Irene Bullock]

What's the matter with her? Cornelia? I don't know.

[Cornelia Bullock]

What's the matter with everybody? What's everyone crying about?

[Narrator/Announcer]

Godfrey's gone.

[Cornelia Bullock]

Gone? Gone where?

[Narrator/Announcer]

He didn't say.

[Cornelia Bullock]

Why didn't you stop him? Why didn't you hold him here? We couldn't. Well, he's not going to get away from me. Where are you going? To the skinny dump.

[Godfrey]

And this is it, Tommy the Tramp Inn. We call it a palace of pleasure, built on a foundation of tin cans and ashes. How do you like it?

[Narrator/Announcer]

Just a minute, Godfrey. Is this where my money went into a nightclub?

[Godfrey]

Well, some of yours. All of mine. Come into my office. All right.

[Narrator/Announcer]

By the way, what happens to the

[Godfrey]

profits from this place? Well, so far we're giving food and shelter to 50 people in the winter, giving them employment in the summer. What more do you want?

[Narrator/Announcer]

Nothing. But you're the most arbitrary butler I've ever met.

[Godfrey]

Oh, ex. Butler. Oh, fired? No, no, I quit. I. I felt that foolish feeling coming on again. You mean Irene?

[Narrator/Announcer]

Well, why don't you marry her?

[Godfrey]

No, thank you. Being her butler was tough enough.

[Irene Bullock]

Well, here I. Oh, hello.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Well, Godfrey, you have company. Irene, what are you doing here? Yes, what are you doing here? Don't let him off the hook, Irene.

[Irene Bullock]

I won't.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Go on, Godfrey.

[Cornelia Bullock]

Oh, my.

[Irene Bullock]

How you fix this place up, Godfrey. It's much nicer than when I was here before.

[Godfrey]

Oh, you. You noticed that?

[Irene Bullock]

Are the forgotten men having a party?

[Godfrey]

It's their annual reunion.

[Irene Bullock]

I saw the mayor out there. Is he one of them, too?

[Godfrey]

Oh, he's. He's the guest of honor.

[Irene Bullock]

Oh, it's a. It's a lovely view. The bridge and everything. Is it always there?

[Godfrey]

Most always.

[Cornelia Bullock]

Oh, you have a kitchen.

[Irene Bullock]

Oh, I'm going to like this place very much. What's over here?

[Godfrey]

Well, is.

[Irene Bullock]

Is this where you sleep?

[Godfrey]

That's the general purpose of the room. Any observations?

[Irene Bullock]

Oh, I think it's very cute, but we'll have to change the wallpaper.

[Godfrey]

What do you mean, we'll have to change the wallpaper?

[Irene Bullock]

Well, I don't like green wallpaper. It makes me billion.

[Godfrey]

Well, you won't have to look at it. You're going home right now.

[Irene Bullock]

But I can't go home.

[Cornelia Bullock]

I can't go home.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Now, see here, you simply must.

[Irene Bullock]

Oh, go on and lose your temper. I love it when you lose your temper.

[Godfrey]

Why can't you leave me alone?

[Irene Bullock]

Because you're my responsibility and. And someone has to take care of you.

[Godfrey]

I can take care of myself.

[Irene Bullock]

You can't hook me in the eye and say that you love me, and you know it. You know, there's no sense in struggling with a thing when it's got you. It's got you, and that's all there is to it.

[Cornelia Bullock]

It's got you but you.

[Narrator/Announcer]

May I come in?

[Cornelia Bullock]

Oh.

[Irene Bullock]

Oh, Mayor Courtland.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Mr. Gray said there were a couple of people in here who wanted to get married. Are you it?

[Irene Bullock]

Yes, we're it. Mayor Courtland. Irene, can you marry us Without a license?

[Narrator/Announcer]

Without a li. Well, it may get me into a lot of trouble, but I guess I've known your family long enough to take a chance. Does your father know about this?

[Irene Bullock]

Oh, everybody knows about it except Godfrey. Now, come on, Godfrey. We're all set.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Just join hands, please. No, wait.

[Godfrey]

Listen, Irene, we can't do it.

[Narrator/Announcer]

You can't. I, I.

[Irene Bullock]

Now, just stand still, Godfrey. It'll all be over in a minute.

[Cornelia Bullock]

Relax. Enjoy.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Here they are. Julie Adams and her man, Jeff Chandler.

[Godfrey]

Now, please, Mr. Cummings, you'll have us an item in a gossip column tomorrow morning.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Is that bad? When I was a young man, I didn't mind being mentioned with a beautiful young lady. Particularly when she was such a gorgeous, luxe complexion.

[Godfrey]

Well, not. I certainly don't mind. As a matter of fact, Julie is one of my favorite Lux girls.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Virginia Gregg is Cornelia. Ellen Rodney as Angelica. Alan Reed as Bullock. Carlton Young as Tommy. Yvonne Patey as Molly. Chef Mankin as Carlo and Marnie Phillips. Joe Forte, George niece. Stanley Farrar. Barbara Ehler and Eddie Marr. My Man Godfrey was based on the story by Eric Hatch, who also co authored the screenplay.

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[Irene Bullock]

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