A Change in the Weather 1988-07-17 Part 1 of 5 - Heist

Summary

Podcast Summary: Harold's Old Time Radio

Episode: A Change in the Weather 1988-07-17 Part 1 of 5 – Heist
Date: October 15, 2025
Host: Harolds Old Time Radio

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Overview

This episode transports listeners to the evocative world of Golden Age radio drama with Part 1 of “A Change in the Weather.” Set in late-1980s Britain but with classic radio style, the story follows two hapless Cockney criminals, Jiffy Perkins and Berco Madrid, after a high-stakes bank heist gone wrong. As they attempt a getaway to the north, the drama weaves in the parallel journey of Henrietta and Louise, two Shropshire ladies seeking adventure. The episode mixes suspense, dark humor, and explorations of class, dissatisfaction, and fate.

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Key Discussion Points and Story Beats

1. Opening Narration: Fate and Weather Collide

• [00:34] The narrator frames the story, highlighting the unpredictability of fate and weather. The two story threads—criminals on the run and “innocent singing ladies”—are set to collide, their paths “storm crossed, storm tossed.”
  • Quote: “What if it changes without telling you? Sneaks up on you like a traitor." (Narrator, 00:34)

2. The Heist and Its Aftermath

• [01:48] In a South London bank vault, Jiffy, Berco, and Billy execute their heist. The tension is high—Billy is visibly unwell, and the pressure is showing.
  • Jiffy expresses anxiety: “I don't feel good, boys... You don't look good, Billy. You're white.” (Jiffy Perkins, 02:02)
• Sirens sound, panic sets in, and Billy collapses, apparently from a heart attack.
  • “It must have been his art, Burco. He had a bad heart. And he worried a lot, didn't he?” (Jiffy Perkins, 05:05)

3. Scrambling for Escape

• [06:36] Jiffy and Berco flee, debating what to do with the loot and themselves as "the big boss" (BB) looms as a threatening, unknown entity. The dangers of betrayal, the law, and paranoia set the tone.
  • “How can we give it to BB if we don't know who he is?” (Jiffy Perkins, 07:06)
  • “If he was in a room...and BB came...we wouldn't know. He could take out our gun under the table and shoot us...and we still wouldn't know.” (Jiffy Perkins, 07:43)

4. The Counterpoint: Henrietta and Louise

• [10:06] In Shropshire, Henrietta and Louise rehearse for an arts festival, their banter mixing gentle self-deprecation and hints of dissatisfaction with their home lives.
  • “We will be appalling...we're tired of being stuck...at the beck and call of idle families. We...don't even like [them] anymore.” (Henrietta or Louise, 11:19)
• They hope for “adventures” during their pending Lake District holiday—a running theme of longing for change.

5. Journey North: Plans and Paranoia

• [13:15] Jiffy and Berco board a coach for the Lake District. Jiffy plans a “total disguise and new life.” They debate how to blend in, aiming for “honest citizen” facades.
  • “I'll grow moustache. Are you a beard? Do our hair different, dress different, take assumed names. We'll have new lives.” (Jiffy Perkins, 13:52)
• Their working-class backgrounds and family grievances surface, adding dimension and vulnerability.
  • “Can you leave your lot?” (Berco Madrid, 16:21)
  • “Oh, yeah. This is a godsend...there have been other men. With Gene...” (Jiffy Perkins, 16:23)

6. The Watchful World

• [18:18] A surprise twist: The coach driver, Ross, tips off “BB” about Jiffy and Berco’s escape, demonstrating their paranoia is justified.
  • “Tell BP I've clocked his rabbits running north. They're on a coach for Manchester. I expect there'll be a reward.” (Coach driver/Ross, 18:19)

7. New Identities, New Troubles

• [19:09] Meanwhile, Henrietta and Louise share reflections on failed marriages, dissatisfaction, and dreams of shaking up their lives.
  • “Why are we both so unhappy? Because we're both still paying for old mistakes. You shouldn't be allowed to choose a spouse when you're young.” (Henrietta or Louise, 20:03)
• Jiffy and Berco bury the loot in the Lake District under assumed names—Joe Potter and Brian Moffat—but struggle with the basics of blending in.
  • “Things are different now, Bertco. We're honest citizens from now on.” (Jiffy Perkins, 24:04)

8. Yearning and Vulnerability

• Berco dreams aloud of a Spanish adventure, revealing his romantic, escapist streak.
  • “When we take up the money, I'm going to Granada...run with the bulls in Pamplona.” (Berco Madrid, 25:33)
  • “You're an idiot...but sometimes I wish I had something to believe in.” (Jiffy Perkins, 25:53)
• They mark the burial spot—underlining the precariousness of their “treasure.”

9. Cliffhanger and Setup for Part Two

• [26:21] The narrator closes with questions about whether the criminals can escape the boss or the police, whether their new lives will work, and whether the women will find adventure. A promise of further entanglement as their stories approach collision.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Fate:
  “What if...fate and the weather have some nasty shocks prepared just waiting to take you by surprise? It happens. Oh, yes, it happens.” (Narrator, 00:34)
• On Losing Control:
  “Wish Billy hadn't died. It ain't fair.” (Berco Madrid, 08:03)
• On Dreams:
  “When we take up the money, I'm going to Granada...I'll see them Spanish señoritas clicking their shoes on the ground, and I'm gonna play guitar and run with the bulls in Pamplona.” (Berco Madrid, 25:33)
• On Regret:
  “Why are we both so unhappy? Because we're both still paying for old mistakes.” (Henrietta or Louise, 20:03)
• On Survival:
  “No, no, no. You can't trust anybody. Not coach drivers, not even your wife. Remember that, Berco, and you'll be a survivor like me, you hear?” (Jiffy Perkins, 18:39)
• On Identity:
  “We're honest citizens from now on.” (Jiffy Perkins, 24:04)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• 00:34: Opening narration sets the tone and introduces parallel storylines.
• 01:48 – 05:32: The heist, Billy’s collapse, and immediate fallout.
• 07:12 – 08:44: Jiffy and Berco debate what to do with the loot after Billy’s death.
• 10:06 – 12:18: Henrietta and Louise rehearse and discuss their motivations.
• 13:15 – 14:40: Jiffy and Berco plan their new identities and travel details.
• 16:14 – 17:06: Emotional backgrounds and confessions emerge.
• 18:18: Coach driver betrays Jiffy and Berco to BB.
• 20:03 – 20:57: Sharp dialogue on marital regrets from Henrietta and Louise.
• 22:15 – 25:28: Loot gets buried; the pair adopt new identities.
• 26:21 – end: Cliffhanger & narration tee up future conflict.

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Tone and Style

The language crackles with classic radio rhythm: streetwise Cockney humor, dramatic narration, comic self-deprecation from Henrietta and Louise, and bursts of vulnerability from the cast. The show toggles between gritty suspense and wry British wit, creating a rich, dynamic atmosphere.

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Takeaway

Part 1 launches "A Change in the Weather" as a witty, suspenseful, and human drama, setting up the collision of two pairs of fugitives—from the law, from their lives, and from themselves. With stolen fortunes buried, dreams of Spain, and longing for adventure, the episode promises intrigue, dark comedy, and surprising heart as the story unfolds.

Transcript

[Announcer]

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[Narrator]

Thunder, lightning, sunshine, rain, rainbow, storm and hurricane. Where would we be without a change in the weather now and then? Ah, yes, well, fine. That's all right, isn't it? But what if it changes without telling you? Sneaks up on you like a traitor. Turns around when your back is turned? What if even as I speak, fate and the weather have some nasty shocks prepared just waiting to take you by surprise? It happens. Oh, yes, it happens. It is about to happen. To Henrietta and Louise, a pair of innocent singing ladies from Shropshire. It is going to rock to their foundations the guilty lives of a couple of cockney gentlemen who are at this moment negotiating a bank vault in South London. Little do they know it, but the paths of all are storm crossed, storm tossed. Thunder, lightning, sunshine, rain. Anyway, a change in the weather.

[Jiffy Perkins]

Hurry up.

[Berco Madrid]

You two are freezing here.

[Jiffy Perkins]

Moving. Okay, I'm moving, Jiffy. I'm moving.

[Berco Madrid]

He says we've got to make it look normal. But his door's heavy as door. It's all just shut and open.

[Jiffy Perkins]

I don't feel good, boys. We should feel very good. But I don't. You don't look good, Billy. You're white.

[Berco Madrid]

He doesn't look good. He looks awful.

[Jiffy Perkins]

Yeah, hold on, Billy. We got the loot, see? We got thousands and thousands. The most we've ever. Neat. It's a strain. You always take the strain. Argentine holiday.

[Berco Madrid]

Billy, blow this. Jiffy, push, will ya?

[Jiffy Perkins]

Look at him. Oh, God, I thought he died. Hold on, Billy. We're coming.

[Narrator]

Okay. E.

[Berco Madrid]

My God.

[Jiffy Perkins]

They'll hear that all over Brick Street. Sorry. Right, look around. Go check. Safe doors shut, tools picked up, gate shut. Everything ship, shape and bristle.

[Berco Madrid]

I could fight bulls.

[Jiffy Perkins]

What?

[Berco Madrid]

In Spain, with me wages. Spain?

[Jiffy Perkins]

We're in a bank vault in south London at 2 o' clock on a Sunday morning with our hands full of other people's fortunes and you chat about Spain.

[Berco Madrid]

I'm sorry, I just like. You know, Jiffy.

[Jiffy Perkins]

Yeah, you like the balls and the matadors and the ladies with roses in their mouths. Well, there's a sick matador. Propped up against that wall.

[Berco Madrid]

Oh, here we are. Billy. Hold on now.

[Jiffy Perkins]

Jeez, I forgot the alarm.

[Berco Madrid]

Oh, God.

[Jiffy Perkins]

I checked the wire. Jiffy, get Billy. Get his. I. I'm sorry about you hear that siren? Every comma kettle in London will hear that. Come on, Billy.

[Berco Madrid]

We're all.

[Jiffy Perkins]

What's he doing now? Bill will have just leaked you b. I will c you out a bit. Billy, this is no good.

[Berco Madrid]

Look.

[Jiffy Perkins]

Carrying.

[Berco Madrid]

Bur.

[Jiffy Perkins]

Give me a loop.

[Berco Madrid]

All right.

[Henrietta or Louise]

Don't shout.

[Jiffy Perkins]

Shouting.

[Berco Madrid]

Come on.

[Jiffy Perkins]

Kisses. You put in the team and you go inside.

[Berco Madrid]

Yeah?

[Jiffy Perkins]

Right. Go downhill.

[Berco Madrid]

Course we know.

[Jiffy Perkins]

Ghettos. Jiffy, shut the door.

[Berco Madrid]

Which way do we go?

[Jiffy Perkins]

Shut the ruddy door.

[Berco Madrid]

Oh, hell. You hear that, Jeff?

[Jiffy Perkins]

Of course I hear it.

[Berco Madrid]

Which way? I don't know.

[Jiffy Perkins]

Billy always tells us, doesn't he? You're right there, Billy. He's gone to sleep. The horde helpers. You all right with him? Yeah, I'm all right. But they're coming. We'll go down the alley there.

[Berco Madrid]

Right.

[Jiffy Perkins]

Not that alley. This one. Now, come on. Come on, Billy.

[Berco Madrid]

Yeah.

[Jiffy Perkins]

Would you believe it? He's still sleeping. It put him down gently. Come on, old Billy, Wake up. We need you now. Careful, Bert. That's it. Brought him up. Found Billy.

[Berco Madrid]

He's dead. Billy.

[Jiffy Perkins]

You can't do this any. Jiffy.

[Berco Madrid]

Dead.

[Jiffy Perkins]

Bring him into the shadow of the wall. Yeah, that's it.

[Berco Madrid]

That.

[Jiffy Perkins]

Lay him softly. Gentle with our Billy. Oops. Watch his head. Sorry. It must have been his art, Burco.

[Berco Madrid]

He had a bad heart.

[Jiffy Perkins]

And he worried a lot, didn't he? He was always worrying about the details. Driving us mad. Well, it killed him in the end. That was one detail he overlooked. Poor Billy. And as if the kettles weren't enough, BB frightened the soles of his feet. Did you know that Burger Billy kept.

[Berco Madrid]

Us out of all that. We didn't have to bother with nothing but the job.

[Jiffy Perkins]

What did we do now? I don't know.

[Berco Madrid]

What do we do with Billy?

[Jiffy Perkins]

Let me think. What do we do with a Vanny? How the hell should I know? BB worries me. Billy dealt with him always. And we don't know who he is. All we know is that big boss. Oh, God. What use is that? I'm getting frightened, Jiffy. Don't be frightened. Think about balls. I'm too scared. I'll look after you. Oh, flaming hell. But, oh, listen.

[Berco Madrid]

Oh, will you, Jiffy? Yeah.

[Jiffy Perkins]

And one day we'll go to Spain to see the bulls. Like Hemingway with Hemingway.

[Berco Madrid]

Yeah. Coming.

[Jiffy Perkins]

This way. Follow me.

[Berco Madrid]

Run.

[Jiffy Perkins]

What about Billy? I will have to Leave him. Run, Burgo. Oh, Lord, it Bring the money, for God's sake.

[Henrietta or Louise]

Billy doesn't need it now.

[Berco Madrid]

When does our Coach leave, Jiffy?

[Jiffy Perkins]

20 minutes. 20 long minutes. You're nervous. Course I'm nervous.

[Berco Madrid]

What do you expect? Well, I don't know why we're going north.

[Jiffy Perkins]

We've got to go somewhere.

[Berco Madrid]

I don't know why we couldn't stay in the smoke.

[Jiffy Perkins]

We robbed a bank, didn't we? We got the loot, ain't we? Bags of it taint our money. The bank will want it back, the Kettles will want it. And the big boss will want it.

[Berco Madrid]

Oh, we'll give it to him. Let him worry, Bertko.

[Jiffy Perkins]

I'm not too clever, but I'm a genius next to you. How can we give it to BB if we don't know who he is?

[Berco Madrid]

I don't know. We could ask Billy. Oh, no. What you reckon?

[Jiffy Perkins]

I reckon we're done for if we stay in London. Listen hard now. We were working for Billy and Billy was working for the big boss. So rightly, it's his loot. He'll think we're stealing it from him. So he'll be looking for us and he won't ask questions. He'll be after us and we'll be running. And we won't even know if he catches us up.

[Berco Madrid]

I don't like that, Jiffy.

[Jiffy Perkins]

If he was in a room, in a bus station buffet, say, like this, and BB came with his tray and sat down there opposite us with his dinner, we wouldn't know. He could be talking to us and we wouldn't know. He could take out our gun under the table and shoot us in the bellies and we could fall down dead and we still wouldn't know.

[Berco Madrid]

Wish Billy hadn't died. It ain't fair.

[Jiffy Perkins]

And that's why we're heading north.

[Berco Madrid]

We could get rid of the money.

[Jiffy Perkins]

Oh, who'd ever believe we'd done that? They'd think we still had it and that's as bad.

[Berco Madrid]

We could take it to the Kettles.

[Jiffy Perkins]

They'd arrest for giving it back. We nicked it, didn't we? That's an offense.

[Berco Madrid]

Well, str.

[Jiffy Perkins]

We.

[Berco Madrid]

We could send it to them anon. Anonymous.

[Jiffy Perkins]

Anonymous? Yeah.

[Berco Madrid]

Without saying our names. And then it would get in the papers and BB would read it.

[Jiffy Perkins]

Reckon we betrayed him giving his money to the Kettles and he'd come after us to get even.

[Berco Madrid]

Well, I don't know. El's, Bill's. Jiffy. There ain't nothing we can do.

[Jiffy Perkins]

Yes, There is. We can go north and drop out of sight.

[Berco Madrid]

We.

[Jiffy Perkins]

We can take the loot and bury it until it's safe.

[Berco Madrid]

And then go to Spain.

[Jiffy Perkins]

We'll be rich. Just keep your voice down.

[Berco Madrid]

Like a bionessiander. Next to being a matador with the bulls, that's my favorite dream.

[Jiffy Perkins]

Yeah, well, all we have to do is get away.

[Berco Madrid]

Here.

[Jiffy Perkins]

Just a jiff. What's this guy doing?

[Berco Madrid]

Sorry, mate. Excuse me. It's all right, mate. It's no damage.

[Jiffy Perkins]

I think I need my eyes test.

[Berco Madrid]

He's got to get his eyes.

[Jiffy Perkins]

It ain't all right. He did that on purpose. He's been watching us ever since we came in. How do you know I've been watching him.

[Berco Madrid]

Oh, well, there you are. People watch each other all the time.

[Jiffy Perkins]

You're too trusting, Berco. Your land is in a mess. One day. I've seen that driver before somewhere.

[Berco Madrid]

Sometimes you get suspicious, Jiffy.

[Jiffy Perkins]

Only all the time. It's a nervous habit brought on by terror. I'm paranoid, right?

[Berco Madrid]

Oh, power.

[Jiffy Perkins]

Yeah, Right, chief. I'll finish your tea. Let's get to the coach.

[Henrietta or Louise]

Where was I? Waiting at the church. Waiting at the church, Waiting at the church When I found he set me in the lurch Lord, how it did upset me.

[Jiffy Perkins]

Cross the stage.

[Henrietta or Louise]

No tapping your cane. Well, tap your feet as well. Oh, yes.

[Berco Madrid]

All right. Now.

[Henrietta or Louise]

Mouse again. This is what Hero. Yes, much better get away to marry you today. My wife won't let me. She won't let me.

[Berco Madrid]

Off.

[Henrietta or Louise]

Oh, sorry.

[Berco Madrid]

Oh, crap.

[Henrietta or Louise]

Oh, no, no, listen. Stop. Stop playing. Stop.

[Berco Madrid]

Stop.

[Henrietta or Louise]

Stop. Stop playing. Henry.

[Berco Madrid]

Enter.

[Henrietta or Louise]

I do hate that name, darling. Sorry, Henry, but who on earth is going to pay hard earned money to hear this? This awful row. It's robbery. I mean, why are we doing it? Because it relieves the tedium, darling. Although spending a sunny evening in a draughty hall in church, Stretton. When we could be striding the long min.

[Announcer]

Will.

[Henrietta or Louise]

Is this song quite the thing for an arts festival? I mean, it isn't art. It's all we can do. Now stop getting stage fright, Lou, and don't be so serious. We're only a fringe event. We will be appalling. We're setting ourselves up to be knocked down. And why are we doing it? Because we're bored. We're fed up. Because we're tired of being stuck in our homes at the beck and call of idle families. We. We don't even like anymore. People who have sucked us dry. Well, am I right? Ooh, every word. So we'll bring the house down.

[Berco Madrid]

Yes, yes, I know.

[Henrietta or Louise]

But Lou, we must keep practicing now, even when we're on holiday in the Lake District next week. Oh, we'll sing our hearts out to the winds and birds and the mountains will ring with music all we'll have adventures.

[Berco Madrid]

Little.

[Henrietta or Louise]

No, Henry. To leave Stephen behind for two whole weeks. Give the slip to William and Richard. Just the two of us doing what we want. The mind boggles. Two mountain goats in jeans and wellies climbing the rainbow and sliding down the other side. Into what? Oh, Henry. Sing, Lou.

[Jiffy Perkins]

Dance.

[Henrietta or Louise]

Swing your cane. Just wait till we board that coat. Right, come on.

[Berco Madrid]

This is a nice coach, Jiffy. Yeah, nice and fast, isn't it? But I'm a bit worried because we've got no clothes.

[Jiffy Perkins]

Oh, we'll buy some. I got a few quid.

[Berco Madrid]

Yeah, we got thousands.

[Jiffy Perkins]

Oh, no, we don't touch the loop. We don't spend a penny until it's cooled. Why, they'll trace it, see? And trace us.

[Berco Madrid]

I'm former deck.

[Jiffy Perkins]

Your box is clever, my friend. I've worked it out, you know.

[Berco Madrid]

Well, I've been trying to do that but I didn't get on yet.

[Jiffy Perkins]

Well, don't worry, Burko. Be guided by me, right?

[Berco Madrid]

Right, Jiffy. We'll be broke though.

[Jiffy Perkins]

Look, we'll get jobs and we'll disguise ourselves. I'll grow moustache. Are you a beard? Do our hair different, dress different, take assumed names. We'll have new lives. We'll be new people.

[Berco Madrid]

That's good, Jiffy. Yeah, that's very good. Where do we do all this? Where we going?

[Jiffy Perkins]

To the north west of England. The Lake District.

[Berco Madrid]

The Lake District? Where's that Jiff?

[Jiffy Perkins]

I've just told you. In North West England. Don't you ever listen?

[Berco Madrid]

I'm sorry.

[Jiffy Perkins]

It's all right.

[Berco Madrid]

Why are we going there?

[Jiffy Perkins]

Because nobody will ever suspect that two petty back alley villains from the East End would ever leave their cozy streets for a wild place of mountains and lakes and rivers and forests.

[Berco Madrid]

It don't sound very nice.

[Jiffy Perkins]

This sounds rather awful. But that's exactly why we're going. I thought it out, see. I thought, where the hell can we hide? And I remember the postcard Aunt Ada sent me when I was a kid. This is a great place to get away from it all. That's what she wrote. And there was a picture of sheep on a dirty great hill. A place to get away, see.

[Berco Madrid]

I only ever seen a dead sheep in a butcher's.

[Jiffy Perkins]

They won't hurt you. You're going to be educated in nature. Berto.

[Berco Madrid]

Can I say something, Jiffy?

[Jiffy Perkins]

Oh, right, Ed. But I've sorted it all out about our folks. Yeah, what about them?

[Berco Madrid]

Well now, don't take on. I mean. Oh, I was wondering that. Can't we just leave them behind?

[Jiffy Perkins]

Yeah, too true we can. I've been waiting for the opportunity for years. What have you got left at home? Only your old man now. Deirdre shot a bolt. And he makes you like the misery.

[Berco Madrid]

Yeah. He won't let me go to Spain.

[Jiffy Perkins]

He doesn't care.

[Berco Madrid]

Well, I think he does, Jeff. A bit. Just. He's just a wonderful whining old devil. He grumbles from here. Whoever. I always reckoned a Deirdre run out because of him here. But I don't talk to him no more. I talk to Jose Pablo.

[Jiffy Perkins]

Who the hell's Pablo?

[Berco Madrid]

Smart Spanish goldfish. When Deirdre went, I don't know what I'd have done without you for a mate. Do you fear I'd have been in the river?

[Jiffy Perkins]

Oh, that's stupid. Sentimental sentiment gets you into trouble. It breaks down your gum. Be hard man, Berto, like me.

[Berco Madrid]

Can you leave your lot?

[Jiffy Perkins]

Oh, yeah. This is a godsend. Listen, Berko, I've never told this to anybody. There have been other men.

[Berco Madrid]

Where?

[Jiffy Perkins]

Oh, with Gene.

[Berco Madrid]

Oh, I'm sorry, Jiffy.

[Jiffy Perkins]

Oh, it's not your fault. It's been going on for years. I kept thinking I'd get used to it. But you never get used. Oh, I can leave home. It ain't home.

[Berco Madrid]

It's true. You never talked like this before.

[Jiffy Perkins]

Well, Billy never died before. I've never been in this position before. I just don't know whether it's a mess or a masterpiece.

[Berco Madrid]

Maybe that's up to us.

[Jiffy Perkins]

You're getting very deep, Burger.

[Berco Madrid]

Not me, Jiffy.

[Narrator]

I couldn't.

[Jiffy Perkins]

Hey, is that woman watching us? The one with her nose, her chewing and nickel?

[Berco Madrid]

She's not watching us, Jiffy. Relax.

[Jiffy Perkins]

And we didn't see any kettles at the coach station.

[Berco Madrid]

Not away.

[Jiffy Perkins]

So maybe we got away.

[Berco Madrid]

Maybe.

[Jiffy Perkins]

Maybe we really got clean away. But that driver looked at us.

[Berco Madrid]

That's just in your head. You're perceptive.

[Narrator]

What?

[Jiffy Perkins]

Oh yeah. Well, that's a family for you. To them I'm just a ferret faced bearer boy. Runs a crockery cart in the market. They despise me for it. But I'm telling you, Berto, I've got native cunning. I'm smart. Well, kind of smart.

[Berco Madrid]

Yeah. You're the smartest man I ever know.

[Jiffy Perkins]

We'll show them all, eh? We got a loot to do it.

[Berco Madrid]

Yeah, it's like a present from Billy.

[Jiffy Perkins]

Good old Billy.

[Berco Madrid]

Yeah, I like Billy. Hello. Give me the big boss. I want to speak to him personal. The big boss is busy. Tell him it's Ross.

[Narrator]

Ross?

[Berco Madrid]

Ross? Yeah, the coach driver. Well, tell BP I've clocked his rabbits running north. They're on a coach for Manchester. I expect there'll be a reward.

[Jiffy Perkins]

No, no, no. You can't trust anybody. Not coach drivers, not even your wife. Remember that, Berco, and you'll be a survivor like me, you hear? No wonder Deidre took advantage. He's trusting as a baby, but he scares the pants off me.

[Henrietta or Louise]

My wife won't let me. She won't let me. There now. That's very good, darling. Distinct improvement. Right, good going home time. I'm a theatrical. Coffee mornings, old time dancing. It's not a lot for life to offer. Oh, pull out of it, Lou. Go home and kill your husband. I wish I dared. And I'll kill mine. You're joking. Of course I'm joking. All the same, why are we both so unhappy? Because we're both still paying for old mistakes. You shouldn't be allowed to choose a.

[Berco Madrid]

Spouse when you're young.

[Henrietta or Louise]

You should be made to wait until you're too old to care. Oh, God help the Lake District when we're let loose in it. The church setting ladies glee duo rampaging through Cumbria. Ready? Oh, I'm ready. We are poor little lambs who have lost our way we're little black sheep who are going astray Baa baa baa Two lady songsters are polar spree Doomed from here to eternity Lord have mercy on such as we Ba ba ba.

[Berco Madrid]

Yeah. Will the money get damp in the.

[Jiffy Perkins]

Soil, do you think that it's in plastic bags?

[Berco Madrid]

Well, damn. Got the notes.

[Jiffy Perkins]

Plastic is wet through. Shut up and dig and let's get this over.

[Berco Madrid]

Yeah. How much do you think we got? A hell of a lot. I wish we planted it.

[Jiffy Perkins]

Where could we do that? In Keswick Library. Right, that'll do. This hole's deepen up the berry big bed. Climb out and pass us the money down.

[Berco Madrid]

Right. O, Jeff. You're bury Billy too, eh?

[Henrietta or Louise]

Yeah.

[Jiffy Perkins]

God rest his soul. Send the money down. Right.

[Berco Madrid]

Jiffy.

[Jiffy Perkins]

What? I can't find it.

[Berco Madrid]

What?

[Jiffy Perkins]

Well, it's night.

[Berco Madrid]

I can't see nothing. Cold.

[Jiffy Perkins]

Don't shout at him.

[Berco Madrid]

Now.

[Jiffy Perkins]

Where'd you put it, you Darth bugger?

[Henrietta or Louise]

No.

[Berco Madrid]

Don'T get mad, Jiffy.

[Jiffy Perkins]

I won't get Mad. They're over there. No, I'm not there. I mustn't get mad at him. He can't help it.

[Berco Madrid]

All right.

[Jiffy Perkins]

Right, Burger, I'll get back in the hole and you pass the bags down.

[Berco Madrid]

Yeah, yeah, I know they wasn't lost. Here's the first one. You got it.

[Jiffy Perkins]

Money, money, money. Second, he's a fur. Hold on. Right, got him. Waterproof and safe as ours is till we're ready to collect. Don't shovel yet. Let me get out.

[Berco Madrid]

It's cold here in the Lake District, you feet and it's dark. I mean, no lights.

[Jiffy Perkins]

You don't get street lights in a wood. Shovel faster. That'll warm you up. It's quiet.

[Berco Madrid]

Get used to the traffic. Hey, Sounds of people in there. It's a noise.

[Jiffy Perkins]

What noise? What noise?

[Berco Madrid]

Kettles. That noise.

[Jiffy Perkins]

Oh, an owl. You bloody fool. You scared me up. Oh.

[Berco Madrid]

I don't like it here, Jiffy.

[Jiffy Perkins]

Nor do I.

[Berco Madrid]

What do we do next?

[Jiffy Perkins]

Cover this lot with scrub, Mark the place so we can find it again.

[Berco Madrid]

Yeah, I was wondering about that.

[Jiffy Perkins]

And take these shovels back where we stole them from.

[Berco Madrid]

Back?

[Narrator]

Yeah.

[Berco Madrid]

We never took nothing back in our lives.

[Jiffy Perkins]

Do you want to draw attention to ourselves, to digging? Do you want to fuss sniffing for shovels? Things are different now, Bertco. We're honest citizens from now on.

[Berco Madrid]

Honest, I said. It sounds funny.

[Jiffy Perkins]

Afterwards, we find somewhere to kip down for the night, A barn or something. And tomorrow we start settling in, get jobs, grow our disguises, get used to our new names. I'm Joe Potter and you're Brian Moffat. We keep our own initials, see?

[Berco Madrid]

Brian Moffett. Yeah.

[Jiffy Perkins]

Right. Now find some scrub.

[Berco Madrid]

Brian Moffett. Jiffy, couldn't I be Pepe?

[Jiffy Perkins]

Pepe?

[Berco Madrid]

Oh, that's a Spanish name.

[Jiffy Perkins]

But you're not Spanish. You don't look Spanish.

[Berco Madrid]

Well, my budgie ain't Spanish, but he's called Jose.

[Jiffy Perkins]

Budgies are different. You'll have to take my word for that. Calling you Pepe would draw attention. We don't want that, do we, Brian?

[Berco Madrid]

No, Jiffy. Joe.

[Jiffy Perkins]

Right, that'll do now. Nobody could find our treasure under that. They couldn't find a world under there. Come on, it's been a long day. Remember where this is, though. We got to find it again. The lake down there through the trees and at the edge of the wood we'll put branches in a form of a cross. Ex marks of wood.

[Berco Madrid]

Right.

[Jiffy Perkins]

Come on, Burgo.

[Berco Madrid]

When we take up the money, I'm going to Granada. Let's.

[Jiffy Perkins]

Of course you are.

[Berco Madrid]

I'm gonna see the Alhambra and flamenco dancing. There'll be castanets. And I'll see them Spanish senioritas clicking their shoes on the ground. And I'm gonna play guitar and run with the bulls in Pamplona.

[Jiffy Perkins]

You haven't got a guitar.

[Berco Madrid]

Eh?

[Jiffy Perkins]

You're an idiot. You know that and I know that. But sometimes I wish I had something to believe in.

[Berco Madrid]

You could share Spain with me. Do you think? Straight down the middle half of Spain.

[Jiffy Perkins]

Well, that's friendship, that is. Come on, Pepe. Oh, forget that southern sump for a while. We're in the English Lake District.

[Berco Madrid]

Oh.

[Jiffy Perkins]

And it feels like a foreign land.

[Narrator]

How will Jiffy Perkins and Berco Madrid.

[Berco Madrid]

Sorry.

[Narrator]

Joe Potter and Brian Muffet escape the wrath of the big boss? Pursued as they are by copper kettles and the attentions of the world? Will their disguises prove effective? Will they even remember their names? Can they find their buried treasure again? Or will they fall in a lake? And can Henrietta and Louise find the adventure they so badly need to transform their lives? Oh, surely, surely they will. There are many questions to be answered. Listen next time to discover what happens when there's a change in the weather. Meanwhile, Peter Craze and John Hollis played Jiffy Perkins in Burca Madrid. Dillislay and Polly James, Henrietta and Louise, with Norman Bird as Billy and Richard Tate. John the Driver. A Change in the Weather is written by Eric Pringle and directed by Ian Cotterell.

[Berco Madrid]

Sam.