Abbott And Costello 1943-11-25 Thanksgiving Dinner Party

Summary

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Abbott and Costello 1943-11-25 Thanksgiving Dinner Party

Podcast: Harold's Old Time Radio
Host: Harold’s Old Time Radio
Original Air Date: November 25, 1943
Podcast Release Date: November 5, 2025

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Episode Overview

This episode features a classic broadcast of the Abbott and Costello Show from Thanksgiving Day, 1943. The show revolves around the comedic duo preparing for a high-society Thanksgiving dinner at Abbott’s house—with Costello, as usual, muddling through misunderstandings, slapstick mishaps, and wordplay. The episode is packed with vaudeville-style routines, character-driven chaos, and a mix of recurring gags and period humor.

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Key Discussion Points & Segments

1. Thanksgiving Day Banter & Dinner Plans

Timestamp: 01:27–06:08

• Opening Gag: The humor kicks off with Costello mixing up "kittens" and "chickens," suggesting Abbott’s cat gave birth to chickens—a setup for classic Abbott & Costello confusion.
  • “Your cat just had chickens.” – Lou Costello [01:33]
  • “Cats don’t have chickens.” – Bud Abbott [01:38]
• Dinner Invitation Gone Wrong: Abbott politely refuses Costello’s request to join his Thanksgiving dinner, insisting it’s a “classy affair for the snooty set,” triggering a round of puns and misunderstandings:
  • “I have a little silver tray to brush the crumbs on.” – Bud Abbott [03:00]
  • “Don’t you have crumbs at your table? Sure, Abbott, you’re welcome anytime.” – Lou Costello [03:01]

2. Mistaken Etiquette & Table Manners

Timestamp: 03:11–05:09

• Costello’s ignorance of proper table etiquette leads to a string of malapropisms:
  • “You have no finesse.” – Bud Abbott [03:09]
  • “What would I do with a furnace in California?” – Lou Costello [03:11]
• They riff on etiquette books, and Costello expresses his culinary method for eating peas:
  • “I just slide my lower lip under the plate and bank the peas off the mashed potato.” – Lou Costello [04:35]

3. Thanksgiving Dinner Duties & French Cooking Shtick

Timestamp: 05:41–10:21

• After some pleading, Costello is invited but must “make himself useful” by working in the kitchen and waiting on the table.
• Comedic misunderstanding of “hors d’oeuvres,” “oyster dressing,” and “singeing the goose.”
  • “Orders? That’s French for leftovers.” – Lou Costello [05:57]
  • “You want me to dress a bunch of naked oysters!” – Lou Costello [06:50]
• Costello botches the recipe measurements:
  • “Two tubs of butter.” – Lou Costello [09:39]
  • “That’s tablespoons!” – Bud Abbott [09:47]

4. Guest Arrivals & High-Society Antics

Timestamp: 18:13–21:29

• Costello bumbles through announcing the guests and confusing their names and titles, including Lady Jennifer and Lord Beaverboard.
  • “Announcing Lord Pip Street, Knight of the Garter. Lord Beaverboard, Knight of the Bath, and Hedy Lamar.” – Lou Costello [18:18]
  • “Hedy Lamar isn't here. I was thinking of another night.” – Bud Abbott [18:29]
• Interaction with Lady Jennifer provides more wordplay and misunderstandings about her hair and martinis:
  • “Yes, make it a martini with the black olive.” – Lady Jennifer [19:41]
  • “You drink martinis with a black olive? ... Because I just poured one. When I dropped the olive in, the olive stuck out its pimento.” – Bud Abbott/Lou Costello [19:45–19:51]

5. The Turkey Carving & Disappearing Necklace Farce

Timestamp: 21:06–24:34

• Thanksgiving dinner turns into chaos as guests are served unusual parts of the turkey.
• The room goes dark and Lady Jennifer’s pearl necklace disappears, sparking a detective parody.
• Costello (as a police officer) interrogates suspects with more verbal gags:
  • “Where were you sitting when the necklace was stolen?” – Lou Costello [23:14]
• Mystery quickly resolves itself when Lady Jennifer discovers her pearls in her tapioca.
  • “My pearls weren’t stolen at all. They slipped off my neck into my tapioca.” – Lady Jennifer [24:25]
  • “Leave them there. You look better wearing tapioca.” – Bud Abbott [24:31]

6. Classic Costello Misunderstandings & Conclusion

Timestamp: 24:34–27:00

• Costello’s little brother Sebastian admits to turning off the lights, trying to spare Louis the embarrassment of showing his thumb in the soup.
  • “Because you said you didn’t want to see Louis’ thumb in the soup.” – Sebastian (Lou Costello) [24:47]
• Finale features Costello proudly describing his (overly seasoned) stuffing, leading to a final joke:
  • “Did you taste it? I couldn’t even get near it.” – Lou Costello [26:53]

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Table Manners:
  • “I have no etiquette? You don’t even know how to say the word.” – Lou Costello [04:03]
• On Cooking Skills:
  • “That’s tablespoons! I threw them in too!” – Costello’s misunderstanding leads to him putting entire tubs instead of tablespoons. [09:47]
• Absurd Detective Work:
  • “Ain’t you got a relative doing time at that? ... Yeah, he didn’t wipe off his fingerprints when he robbed the bank.” – Lou Costello [22:59]
• Summing up the chaos:
  • “I’m a bad boy.” – Sebastian (Lou Costello) [25:08]

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Key Timestamps for Important Segments

• Abbott and Costello’s Opening Banter – 01:27–05:09
• Costello tries (and fails) at kitchen duties – 09:29–10:21
• Arrival of Socialite Guests, Lady Jennifer mishaps – 18:13–19:47
• Disappearance and recovery of Lady Jennifer’s pearls – 21:40–24:34
• Thanksgiving dinner ends in slapstick chaos – 24:34–27:00

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Episode Tone and Style

The episode brims with classic vaudeville energy, rapid-fire puns, deliberate misunderstandings, and boisterous character voices. Costello is ever the loveable buffoon, with Abbott playing the straight man exasperated by his partner's literalism and wordplay. The format alternates quick gags with longer slapstick scenarios, all underscored by a light-hearted holiday theme.

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For First-Time Listeners

Even without background on the original radio show, this episode is an accessible entry-point into Abbott & Costello’s comedy. The routines are centered around universal Thanksgiving chaos—misunderstanding etiquette, botched recipes, and family mishaps.

Expect fast-paced dialogue, outdated (but charming) language, and a warm, comedic send-up of holiday gatherings gone wrong.

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Transcript

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[Narrator / Camel Cigarettes Announcer]

The Avenue Costello program brought to you by Camel.

[Bud Abbott]

The cigarette that's first in the service.

[Narrator / Camel Cigarettes Announcer]

According to actual sales records. See if your throat and your taste don't make Camel a first with you too. Find out for yourself.

[Bud Abbott]

Listen to the great rhythms of Freddie.

[Narrator / Camel Cigarettes Announcer]

Ray Chetti's orchestra, the swingy singing of Connie Haynes, and this being Thanksgiving Day, we recall this touching scene as the good ship Mayflower landed at Plymouth Rock, the captain shouted to the Indian chief.

[Lou Costello]

Cassell.

[Bud Abbott]

Costello, do you realize it's 7 o'?

[Narrator / Podcast Host]

Clock?

[Lou Costello]

Where have you been? Oh, Abbott, I just came from your house and have I got news for you.

[Bud Abbott]

What is it?

[Lou Costello]

Your cat just had chickens.

[Bud Abbott]

My cat had chickens? Y cat had chickens?

[Lou Costello]

Yep.

[Bud Abbott]

You mean kittens? Cats don't have chickens.

[Lou Costello]

What was that you brought home in a paper bag last night?

[Bud Abbott]

Chickens.

[Lou Costello]

Well, your cat just had them.

[Bud Abbott]

You mean that cat ate my chickens? He swallowed the chickens bag and all. Why didn't you take them away from them?

[Lou Costello]

You know me, I have a kid. I ain't the type that would let the bag out of the cat. I did that wrong.

[Bud Abbott]

Well, I've got plenty of other food around the house. Well, by the way, what being that this is Thanksgiving Day, I. I hate to think of you eating alone. What do you mean? What do you say to having Thanksgiving dinner with me? Why, that's mighty fine of you, Costello.

[Lou Costello]

Good. At what time? 8 o'.

[Narrator / Podcast Host]

Clock.

[Lou Costello]

@ your house.

[Bud Abbott]

Oh, no, no, no, no, no, you'll get. No, no, you'll get no turkey at my house. And how about little ducks, Doc?

[Lou Costello]

Yeah, that's a chicken with snowshoes on.

[Bud Abbott]

Hey, look, I'm sorry, Costello, you can't come to my house for Thanksgiving. I'm having a dinner for the snooty set.

[Lou Costello]

Oh, the snooty set? You heard me. No, I'm not good enough to eat with pigs. No, no, no.

[Bud Abbott]

Will you listen to me, please?

[Lou Costello]

I'm listening.

[Bud Abbott]

Tonight I'm entertaining a few of the 400. A few of the 400?

[Lou Costello]

Yes.

[Bud Abbott]

That's 800 all together. No, no, no, no, no, no. Just the 400.

[Lou Costello]

That's what I said.

[Bud Abbott]

That's what I said.

[Lou Costello]

That's your line.

[Bud Abbott]

Thank you. Well.

[Lou Costello]

Well, just because they weigh a little more than me, that don't make them.

[Bud Abbott]

Any better than I am. Talk said. Please, I. I couldn't have you at my house. This is going to be a very classy affair. Why, I have a. I have a little silver tray to brush the crumbs on.

[Lou Costello]

Crumbs? Certainly.

[Bud Abbott]

Don't you have crumbs at your table? Sure, Rabbit, you're welcome anytime. There you go. You have absolutely no finesse. Know what I said? You have no finesse.

[Lou Costello]

What would I do with a furnace in California? You don't need a finesse. If it's color, we turn on the gas. He turned all right. I didn't think. Or the rav. I didn't say. He's getting like Boyer.

[Bud Abbott]

All right, love, please. All right, all right. I didn't say furnace in the first place.

[Lou Costello]

I said fin. Finette, you don't know what you say.

[Bud Abbott]

All right, you're getting all mixed up here. Look, I'm trying to tell you. Listen to me, please. Your table manners are terrible.

[Lou Costello]

The last time you had dinner at.

[Bud Abbott]

My house, you did nothing but reach across the table and grab for the food.

[Lou Costello]

So what was wrong with that?

[Narrator / Camel Cigarettes Announcer]

What was wrong with that?

[Bud Abbott]

You got a tongue, haven't you?

[Lou Costello]

Yeah, but I can reach further with my arm.

[Bud Abbott]

There you go again, Castella. You see, you know nothing at all about the proper way to eat.

[Lou Costello]

You have no etiquette. I got no what? You have no etiquette. Etiquette?

[Bud Abbott]

Yes, you heard me.

[Lou Costello]

You don't even know how to say the word. Etiquette. Yeah, you don't.

[Bud Abbott]

What do you mean?

[Guest / Lady Jennifer / Other Characters]

Antiquity.

[Bud Abbott]

And now it's.

[Lou Costello]

It's etiquette. Well, etiquette and chicken feet.

[Bud Abbott]

So what?

[Lou Costello]

Well, I'll go out and I'll buy.

[Bud Abbott]

One of them books on etiquette by Emily Pillar. Emily Pillar?

[Lou Costello]

Yeah, that's.

[Bud Abbott]

That's Emily Post. Okay, I'll read the both of them.

[Narrator / Camel Cigarettes Announcer]

Both of them?

[Lou Costello]

I'll go from pillar to pot.

[Bud Abbott]

Well, you should read that book, Costello.

[Lou Costello]

It will tell you a lot of things.

[Bud Abbott]

For instance, which is proper to use when eating peas, a fork or a spoon?

[Lou Costello]

I don't use either one.

[Bud Abbott]

Well, how do you eat your peas?

[Lou Costello]

Oh, I just slide my lower lip.

[Bud Abbott]

Under the plate and bank the peas.

[Lou Costello]

Off the mashed potato.

[Bud Abbott]

That's right.

[Lou Costello]

Sometimes the mashed potatoes. That is causing my ears.

[Bud Abbott]

Yes, I can imagine.

[Lou Costello]

Sloppy, huh?

[Bud Abbott]

Yeah, yeah. Cassella, you haven't got the brains of a two year old child.

[Lou Costello]

Oh, I wouldn't say that.

[Bud Abbott]

Why not?

[Lou Costello]

Look at the difference in our ages, the way you act.

[Bud Abbott]

I could never have you at my table.

[Lou Costello]

Look at it.

[Bud Abbott]

If you know so much about manners, just answer me this one thing. What?

[Lou Costello]

Which hand do you stir your coffee with?

[Bud Abbott]

I stir my coffee with my right hand. That's funny, most people use a spoon.

[Lou Costello]

Ah, that's no laughing.

[Bud Abbott]

That settles it. Yeah, that settles everything. I was just about to break down invite you for dinner, but now you had to be a smart alec, didn't you? Wait a minute.

[Lou Costello]

Yeah you did.

[Bud Abbott]

Wait a minute. Now you're my old pal. I can't help it. You can't do this to me. Well I did. You gotta invite me to dinner on Thanksgiving. I ain't got no place to go. I'm sorry.

[Lou Costello]

You can't let your old friend starve. Ah, look at me, Abbott. I only weigh 90 pounds now.

[Bud Abbott]

90 pounds? Why you're 56 inches around the waist.

[Lou Costello]

Yeah, but I'm hollow.

[Bud Abbott]

All right, look, look.

[Narrator / Podcast Host]

All right, all right.

[Bud Abbott]

You can come to dinner Costello, but you'll have to make yourself useful. Now get there early and wait on the table. Why should I wait on a table? Why can't I wait in Apollo with.

[Lou Costello]

The rest of the people?

[Bud Abbott]

No, no, you dummy.

[Lou Costello]

I mean I want, I don't want to sit on your table waiting.

[Bud Abbott]

I mean I want you to help with the serving. Now the first, the first course will be orders. Of course. You know what orders are?

[Lou Costello]

Yeah, that's French for leftovers.

[Bud Abbott]

No, no Castell, orders are snacks. Now you take care of the ladies first. It's, it's up to you to see that each lady gets a snack. Are her husband's gonna be there? Certainly.

[Lou Costello]

Then I ain't gonna do it.

[Bud Abbott]

What do.

[Lou Costello]

I ain't gonna go around snacking.

[Bud Abbott]

The ladies, their husbands are able to come around and second thought, you'd better stay out in the kitchen and help with the oyster dressing. Why, what's the matter? What you said, what's wrong? You ought to be ashamed of yourself talking that way to a boy of my age. What do you mean? I'm just at the age of picking things up like that. What's wrong? Why, it's a good thing my mother isn't here. Oh, the shame of it all. What are you talking about? How dare you ask me to help with the oyster dress. What do you mean?

[Narrator / Podcast Host]

Now look at it.

[Bud Abbott]

I didn't mind when you Said I had to wait for you on a table. And I was only mildly surprised when you asked me to snap all the ladies, especially in front of their husband.

[Lou Costello]

But when you have the nerve to ask me to go out in the kitchen and dress a bunch of naked oysters, you not only humilify me, but you have impude on my good name.

[Narrator / Camel Cigarettes Announcer]

Tomorrow, on the back cover of Life magazine, you'll see a very stirring set of pictures under the title, pair of Aces back to back. A Navy dauntless dive bomber attacking a Japanese carrier. Notice to the pair of flyers, the pair of aces in the lower left hand corner. And read the words they're saying. I quote, camels our cigarettes. Suits the throat and the taste to a tee, unquote. C. S Camels their aces with the aces. Could be with you, too.

[Bud Abbott]

Here is Freddie Rich with java Junct. You have to cut out that singing in the kitchen. You're disturbing the guests.

[Lou Costello]

Whatever.

[Bud Abbott]

I always sing when I'm making sour milk biscuits. Sour milk biscuits? Sure we haven't got any sour milk? You will have when I get through singing.

[Lou Costello]

And mammy's little baby loves shutting and shutting.

[Bud Abbott]

No sonnet. He better save his money.

[Narrator / Camel Cigarettes Announcer]

All right, look.

[Bud Abbott]

Cut that.

[Lou Costello]

Cut that out.

[Bud Abbott]

Look, what are you doing there? What's all that stuff you're putting in? How to do it?

[Lou Costello]

What did you do?

[Bud Abbott]

First, I got to put in two tubs of butter. Two tubs of butter?

[Lou Costello]

Sure.

[Bud Abbott]

It says right here in the cookbook.

[Lou Costello]

Butter. Two TBS tubs.

[Bud Abbott]

That's tablespoons. I threw them in, too.

[Narrator / Podcast Host]

You threw.

[Bud Abbott]

What else did you put in there? I put in some flour, salt, baking.

[Lou Costello]

Powder and three gullops of molasses.

[Bud Abbott]

Three gullops? What are gullops? You know, Abbott, when you pour the molasses out of the jug, it goes scallop, scallop, scallop.

[Lou Costello]

I put in three of those.

[Bud Abbott]

Look, Estella, I don't want you to do any cooking. I've got a chef coming here to take care of that. I thought you'd be out here singeing the feathers off the goose. Doing what? Singeing. Singeing. Don't you know how to singe?

[Lou Costello]

Sure, I know how to singe. I was singing when you came in. I'm not even sure enough. I'm a good singer.

[Guest / Lady Jennifer / Other Characters]

Yeah.

[Bud Abbott]

No, no, no, no. Singeing gets the down off the goose. Didn't you ever get down off a goose?

[Lou Costello]

Did you read that right?

[Bud Abbott]

Yes.

[Lou Costello]

Well, the new. Did I ever what?

[Bud Abbott]

Did you ever get down off a goose?

[Lou Costello]

No, I got down off a horse. No, no, I never rode a goose.

[Bud Abbott]

Oh, thank goodness. Here comes the chef. Thistle. Don't tell me that you're the cook?

[Lou Costello]

Could be. You know something? Over in Paris, I am known as the famous French chef, Pierre Reyne. You are the great Rene? That I am, yes.

[Bud Abbott]

And what are you doing in California?

[Lou Costello]

Oh, I always come here in the Rene season. The Renee season? Yes.

[Bud Abbott]

This guy's a washout. Never mind that Godzilla. Look, we've got to get my Thanksgiving dinner cooked. Please, Kitsley, you'll find all the utensils in that big cupboard over there.

[Lou Costello]

Oh, pish. Past utensils, you say? Who needs your utensils? I brought along my own path.

[Bud Abbott]

That's the first pot I ever saw.

[Lou Costello]

With a belt around it.

[Bud Abbott]

Costello, please keep out of this. Kitzel, do you know anything about cooking game?

[Lou Costello]

Do I know how to cook game? Why, I'm cooking the finest pinochle you ever tasted.

[Bud Abbott]

You cook Pinocchio?

[Lou Costello]

Sure. Pinocchio, Sauerkraut.

[Bud Abbott]

Look, Kitzel, I don't want to get personal, but why don't you pull in your tongue? Nobody ordered cold cuts. Look, never mind that customer, Mitchell. Get busy, please, and get the dinner ready.

[Lou Costello]

Just a second. Just a second, my little man. Don't get excited. First I got to open my little bag and get out my chisels and saws.

[Bud Abbott]

What chisels and saws?

[Lou Costello]

Trim chisels and cranberry saws.

[Bud Abbott]

You know, Kitzel's. Too bad you didn't bring your monkey wrench.

[Lou Costello]

Well, for goodness sake, what would I be doing with a monkey wrench?

[Bud Abbott]

Well, you could tighten the nuts on a fruitcake. Dr. Costello, please, will you get busy and help get. Bill? I'm going into the living room and see if any of my guests have arrived yet. Sebastian. Sebastian. Shut off that radio. Shut it off. My Sebastian.

[Lou Costello]

Well, I just come over to help.

[Guest / Lady Jennifer / Other Characters]

You out, Uncle Bud.

[Lou Costello]

And I thought the guests would like some nice romantic music.

[Bud Abbott]

Romantic music? All that, tiger isn't romantic music.

[Lou Costello]

It is to another pageant.

[Bud Abbott]

Now, look, Sebastian, if you're going to hang around here, you'll have to behave yourself. Now, this is going to be a very formal Thanksgiving dinner. The men will all wear tails, tail.

[Lou Costello]

Goosebumps, Mickey Mouse, will you please listen?

[Bud Abbott]

Sebastian, it will be your job to usher the people into the dining room. I will sit at the head of the table. Ken Niles will sit on my right hand and Connie Haynes will sit on my left hand.

[Lou Costello]

10 miles is going to sit on your right hand.

[Narrator / Camel Cigarettes Announcer]

That's Right.

[Lou Costello]

And Connie Haynes will sit on your left hand.

[Narrator / Camel Cigarettes Announcer]

That's right.

[Lou Costello]

How are you going to eat? With your feet?

[Bud Abbott]

No, no, no, look, when you get all the people seated, you go to the kitchen. Then when I ring this little dinner bell, your brother will hand me the carving knife and you give me the bird.

[Lou Costello]

In front of everybody. That'll do, Sebastian.

[Bud Abbott]

Now go out in the kitchen and make some ice water. And I do hope you can make ice water.

[Lou Costello]

Yes, you just peel an onion.

[Bud Abbott]

An onion?

[Lou Costello]

Yeah. That'll make your eyes water.

[Bud Abbott]

Sebastian, ice water is frozen water.

[Lou Costello]

Oh, yeah?

[Bud Abbott]

Yeah.

[Lou Costello]

Then what is frozen? Me.

[Bud Abbott]

I stink.

[Lou Costello]

You'll get no argument out of neat. What?

[Narrator / Camel Cigarettes Announcer]

Connie Haynes in a current revival of a great song, the Dunny side of the Street.

[Guest / Lady Jennifer / Other Characters]

Red coat and get your hand leave your worry on the door. Just direct your feet to the tiny side of the street. Can't you hear a bit of pain? And that has been.

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[Bud Abbott]

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[Guest / Lady Jennifer / Other Characters]

Life can be so sweet on the sunny side of the street. I used to walk in the shed with those blues on the red but I'm not afraid. Let's rubber crossed over. If I never have a st I'll be rich as rocky fella rolled up at my feet. On the sunny side of the street. I used to walk in the shade with those blues on the red But I'm not afra this r. Yeah, I crossed over it forever. Have a stand on the richest rock of love. Hold up at my feet on a sunny road Turn inside of a tree.

[Narrator / Camel Cigarettes Announcer]

You read in the papers how people are smoking so much more and how Cigarettes are being shipped to our fighting men overseas in huge quantities. And if your dealer occasionally should say, sorry, sir, we're out of Camels today don't let that stop you from asking for Camels the very next time you're buying cigarettes remember that Camel's rich, full flavor and kind, cool mildness make Camels worth asking for again and again. Because war or peace, Camel is still Camel. And your T zone, that's T for taste and T for throat, will confirm that statement.

[Bud Abbott]

C A, M E L F. Camels.

[Narrator / Camel Cigarettes Announcer]

Now, as always, the cigarette of costlier tobaccos.

[Bud Abbott]

And now, ladies and gentlemen, we take you to the home of Bud Abbott.

[Narrator / Camel Cigarettes Announcer]

Where a formal Thanksgiving dinner is about to be served. Costello has been working in the kitchen all day like a dog but he is now ready to face the guests. Let us look in on this dog face.

[Bud Abbott]

Costello, Costello, the guests are arriving. Open the door and announce them as they come in.

[Lou Costello]

Announcing Mr. And Mrs. Ned Blank. Mr. And Mrs. Phil Klezner. Announcing Lord Pip Street Knight of the Garter. Lord Beaverboard Knight of the Bath and Hedy Lamar.

[Bud Abbott]

Hedy Lamar isn't here. I was thinking of another night.

[Guest / Lady Jennifer / Other Characters]

Young man, how dare you leave me standing here? Kindly take my car to love me.

[Bud Abbott]

Okay. Hillside, 2183.

[Lou Costello]

As for Hazel, if a man answers, hang up.

[Guest / Lady Jennifer / Other Characters]

Wrong park, wrong part. That isn't my car.

[Lou Costello]

I'm sorry, I got that mixed up.

[Bud Abbott]

With one of my own. Costello, watch your manners. This is Lady Jennifer. Cookie cutter.

[Guest / Lady Jennifer / Other Characters]

This little boy. My home, you know, is at Glendinning on the Tyne.

[Lou Costello]

Glendinning on the Tyne?

[Bud Abbott]

Then you must know my Great Aunt Harriet. The old girl is Bolliger, you know.

[Guest / Lady Jennifer / Other Characters]

Oh, from Glendinning on the Dine?

[Bud Abbott]

No, from hitchhiking on oil trucks. All right, that's enough. Costello, take Lady Jennifer Goat and I'll escort her to the table.

[Guest / Lady Jennifer / Other Characters]

Oh, by all means, the table.

[Lou Costello]

Oh, I'm so hungry I could eat a horse.

[Bud Abbott]

Pastel, get that horse out of here.

[Lou Costello]

Get out of here.

[Narrator / Podcast Host]

Get out.

[Lou Costello]

Get out of here. Get out of here.

[Bud Abbott]

And please, please bring Lady Jennifer a cocktail.

[Guest / Lady Jennifer / Other Characters]

Yes, make it a martini with the black olive.

[Bud Abbott]

You drink martinis with a black olive?

[Guest / Lady Jennifer / Other Characters]

Yes, I'm in mourning for my husband.

[Bud Abbott]

If I was you, Lady Jennifer, I would lay off those martinis. They're pretty hot. Costello, what makes you think they're hot? Because I just poured one. When I dropped the olive in, the olive stuck out its pimento.

[Guest / Lady Jennifer / Other Characters]

By the way, Mr.

[Lou Costello]

Car, Mr. Rabbit, I have a little.

[Guest / Lady Jennifer / Other Characters]

Thanksgiving present for you. A nice cat, Belgian hair. I Raise them, you know.

[Bud Abbott]

Oh, thank you. Lady Jennifer Castillo. Take Lady Jennifer's hair.

[Lou Costello]

Take her what?

[Bud Abbott]

Take her hair and put it in the icebox.

[Lou Costello]

Okay, Abbott Costello.

[Bud Abbott]

Now look what you've done. Speak to Lady Jennifer. Hello, baldy.

[Guest / Lady Jennifer / Other Characters]

Oh, I've never been so insulted in all my life.

[Bud Abbott]

Come, Lady Jennifer. I'll show you under the table. I'll show you.

[Lou Costello]

That's a line, right. Not under that table.

[Bud Abbott]

No, no, I'm sorry, Mrs. Jennifer. I'll show you to the table.

[Guest / Lady Jennifer / Other Characters]

Very well, you may take my arm.

[Bud Abbott]

Does that come off too? Costello, get busy and serve the dinner. And remember, I don't want to see your thumb in the soup. Okay, Lord Beaverbrook. Boy, I. Pardon me, Mr. Beaver. It's quite all right. Please. What problem of the turkey would you like?

[Lou Costello]

Well, I'm a friar. I'll take the wing.

[Bud Abbott]

And pretty rich. Well, I'm a musician. I'll take the drumstick and Sebastian, what part of the turkey would you like?

[Lou Costello]

Well, if you could skip me, I'm a sitting kid.

[Guest / Lady Jennifer / Other Characters]

I hope somebody will remember me. I like the neck.

[Lou Costello]

I like the neck too.

[Bud Abbott]

Connie, I'll meet you out on the front porch. That's gotta keep quiet and save the soup. And remember, I don't want to see.

[Narrator / Camel Cigarettes Announcer]

Your thumb in it.

[Lou Costello]

Okay, I'll fix that.

[Guest / Lady Jennifer / Other Characters]

Oh, somebody turned off the light. Turn on the light.

[Lou Costello]

Somebody there?

[Bud Abbott]

The lights are on.

[Narrator / Camel Cigarettes Announcer]

What's the trouble, Lady Jennifer?

[Lou Costello]

My necklace is gone.

[Guest / Lady Jennifer / Other Characters]

Somebody's stolen my pearl necklace.

[Bud Abbott]

Quick, Estelle, call the police, please.

[Lou Costello]

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

[Bud Abbott]

Use the French phone. I don't speak French. Oh, here, please. Here, I'll call him. Operator, give me the. Please, hurry up. Hello, police department? This is. But Abbott's home. There's little robbery.

[Lou Costello]

Well, here we are.

[Bud Abbott]

We're from headquarters. What took you so long? What took you so long?

[Lou Costello]

So long.

[Bud Abbott]

What, are you leaving already?

[Lou Costello]

Now, shut up, you. You look suspicious. Stick up your hands and reach for the ceiling. Okay, but I know I won't make it.

[Bud Abbott]

Officer, there's been a robbery here. The lights went out and somebody stole Lady Jennifer's pearl necklace.

[Lou Costello]

A stolen neck. You see, somebody will get the jug for this. Sounds like you've had it already. Come on, come on. Line up against the wall. And you, too bad by. What's your name? Honest?

[Bud Abbott]

Luke Costello.

[Lou Costello]

Costello, eh? Ain't you got a relative doing time at that?

[Bud Abbott]

Yes, sir, that's my Uncle Stebbins. They put him in for something he didn't do. Something he didn't do? Yeah, he didn't wipe off his fingerprints when he robbed the bank.

[Lou Costello]

Now, get in line there.

[Bud Abbott]

I'll take this gentleman first.

[Lou Costello]

What's your name? Lord Beaverboard. Where were you sitting when the necklace was stolen? Well, I.

[Bud Abbott]

You lied.

[Lou Costello]

How long have you known? Lady Jennifer? You lied. Gets rid of him fast, don't he? All right, sergeant, drag this man out of here. Now, Costello, you're next.

[Bud Abbott]

I think there are others ahead of me.

[Lou Costello]

I'm ready to take you now, but.

[Bud Abbott]

I don't want to be selfish. Women and children first.

[Lou Costello]

Sit down there in the chair. Just a minute.

[Bud Abbott]

Who are you shoving?

[Lou Costello]

Who are you shoving? I'm shoving you. And what about? I just wanted to be sure.

[Bud Abbott]

Now, where was you when the lights went out?

[Lou Costello]

I was. You lied. I expected it.

[Bud Abbott]

Ouch. What's the matter?

[Lou Costello]

Look what he did.

[Bud Abbott]

You hurt your head?

[Lou Costello]

No, but he broke my shoelaces.

[Bud Abbott]

Shut up, you.

[Lou Costello]

Now, I'm going to question the little boy here.

[Bud Abbott]

Oh, no, not that. You can't question my little brother Sebastian.

[Lou Costello]

And why not?

[Bud Abbott]

There's only one head between it. I'm playing both parts.

[Lou Costello]

Just a moment, officer. There's been a horrible mistake.

[Guest / Lady Jennifer / Other Characters]

My phone went stolen at all. They slipped off my neck into my tapioca.

[Lou Costello]

Well, leave them there.

[Bud Abbott]

You look better wearing tapioca.

[Lou Costello]

What happened to Costello?

[Bud Abbott]

But wait, wait a minute. There's one thing I can't understand, Costello. Who turned out the lights when you were serving dinner?

[Lou Costello]

I turned them out of Corb.

[Bud Abbott]

Sebastian, why did you turn the lights off?

[Lou Costello]

Because you said we didn't want to see Louis thumb in the soup.

[Bud Abbott]

Sebastian, do you realize what you did?

[Lou Costello]

You almost got me arrested. Your brother. They might have thrown me in jail. Then I would have to walk around with the pallor of the prison on my noble brow. Why did you do such things to your loving brother Sebastian?

[Guest / Lady Jennifer / Other Characters]

Oh, I'm a bad boy.

[Narrator / Camel Cigarettes Announcer]

Evan and Castella will be back in a moment.

[Bud Abbott]

Thanks. To the angst of the week, Tonight we salute Lieutenant Thomas A. McKenzie of Auburn, Kentucky. Fighting off unconsciousness from black wounds in his chest, this bombardier hero completed his bomb run without even letting his own crewmates know he was wounded. In your honor, Lieutenant MacKenzie, the makers of Camels are sending to our fighters overseas 400,000 Camel cigarettes.

[Narrator / Camel Cigarettes Announcer]

Each of the three Camel radio shows honors the Yank of the week by sending free 400,000 Camel cigarettes overseas. A total of more than a million camels sent free each week in this country. The camel caravans traveling from camp to camp have thanked audiences of more than 4 million yanks with free shows and free Camels. Camel broadcasts go out to the United States three times a week. I rebroadcast to our men overseas and to South America. Listen tomorrow to Jimmy Durante and Gary Moore, Monday to Bob Hawk in thanks to the Yanks and next Thursday to Abbott and Costello. And now here are Bud Abbott and Luke Costello with a final word.

[Bud Abbott]

Well, Costello, now that we've done our.

[Narrator / Camel Cigarettes Announcer]

Show, let's get home and have our turkey, huh?

[Bud Abbott]

I think it's a good idea because I'm just about ready for it now. Did you make the stuffing? Yeah, I did. I made grand stuffing.

[Narrator / Podcast Host]

You did, huh?

[Bud Abbott]

Yeah, I ground up a lot of breadcrumbs and then I put in some garlic. Then I put in a little onions. Then I put in some more garlic, then a whole lot of onion. Then a whole lot of garlic and a whole lot of more onions. Then a whole lot of garlic and.

[Narrator / Camel Cigarettes Announcer]

A whole lot of more onions.

[Bud Abbott]

Wait a minute.

[Lou Costello]

And then a little more.

[Bud Abbott]

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Wait a minute, wait a minute. Did you taste it?

[Lou Costello]

Taste it? I couldn't even get near it.

[Bud Abbott]

Good night, folks.

[Guest / Lady Jennifer / Other Characters]

Night.

[Lou Costello]

Good night, everybody.

[Narrator / Camel Cigarettes Announcer]

Be sure to tune in next week for another great Avid and Costello show. And remember, try Camels on your throat and your taste. See for yourself how camel's mildness, coolness and flavor click with you. The Evan and Costello show for Campbell Cigarettes will be back at this very same time next week. Don't miss it. This is Ken Niles in Hollywood wishing.

[Bud Abbott]

You all a pleasant good night.

[Narrator / Podcast Host]

Thank you for listening to our podcast. We're adding new old time radio programs to the comic web for sale almost every week. Bud Abbott and Lou Costello started out in vaudeville in 1929, toured around in the 30s and hit it really big in the 1940s and early 1950s. Their radio show lasted from 1942 to 1949, reaching about 20 million listeners. It was a variety show that relied heavily on their vaudeville routines, mostly dealing with plays on words and misunderstood grammar. We put a CD of Abbott and Costello shows for sale. And of course, it does include their most famous routine, the who's on first skit. This who's on first skit was recently mentioned as one of the most influential vaudeville routines on the new show Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip, the television program. We also recently put up for sale the 1024 ranch. Honestly, I have no idea what we were thinking. It's a variety show featuring western music with inane banter. So if you like that sort of thing, which we don't please give it a try from our website. Just goes to show that like today's television programs, there's just a lot of bad programs out there. And before we sign off till next week, here's the Comic Web radio secret society code 62413 13. Just enter this code at www.comicweb.com secretsociety.htm. deciphering the code will give you all the benefits of membership in the Comic Web Radio Secret Society. Benefits include more free episodes, fun facts, and a certificate of membership. The code again is 6 24. Thanks for listening and hopefully your Thanksgiving will go better than Abbott and Costello's. And if you have any comments on how to improve our podcast, please let us [e-mail] or go to our site and leave some feedback. Thanks and Happy Thanksgiving.

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What do you think makes the perfect snack?

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It's got to be when I'm really craving it and it's convenient.

[AMPM Announcer / Sarah]

Could you be more specific when it's cravenient?

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Okay, like a freshly baked cookie made with real butter available right down the street at am, pm Or a savory.

[AMPM Announcer / Sarah]

Breakfast sandwich I can grab in just a second at a.m. pM. I'm seeing a pattern here.

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Well yeah, we're talking about what I.

[AMPM Announcer / Sarah]

Crave, which is anything from am, pm.

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What more could you want? Stop by AMPM where the snacks and drinks are perfectly craveable and convenient. That's cravenience. Am PM Too much good stuff.