Abbott And Costello 48-09-08 Double Murder At The Liquor Distillery

Summary

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Abbott and Costello 48-09-08: "Double Murder At The Liquor Distillery"

Podcast: Harold's Old Time Radio
Host: Harolds Old Time Radio
Air Date: August 22, 2025
Original Broadcast: September 8, 1948

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Episode Overview

In this episode of the Abbott and Costello Show, listeners are treated to a classic blend of sharp banter, slapstick routines, and a comedic “detective” mystery. The episode, titled "Double Murder at the Liquor Distillery," combines sketches about chaotic family life, running gags about ill-fated romance, musical interludes, and culminates in an uproarious parody of hard-boiled detective stories.

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Main Discussion Points & Highlights

1. Hilarious Family Antics and Banter

[01:00-03:35]
Abbott and Costello open with a routine about their families, highlighting exaggerated stories and playful teasing.

• Gags on large families:

  • Costello jokes about his Aunt May’s ballet practice gone wrong and her devotion to Uncle Mike, mixing physical slapstick humor with wordplay.
  • “My Aunt May has 17 children—eight boys, eight girls, and a storekeeper.” (Costello, 02:30)

• Tall tales of birth weight and cramped homes:

  • “When I was born, I only weighed 5 ounces.”—“If my stomach hadn’t weighed 8 pounds, I wouldn’t have lived!” (Costello & Abbott, 03:35)

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2. Signature Wordplay and Absurdity

[05:35-10:36]

• Costello’s aspirations and Abbott’s skepticism:

  • Costello claims he'll sing “Nature Boy backwards—for people over 35.”
  • “I've given a party. Come over, and watch the champagne flow like water!”—“Champagne costs $25 a quart.”—“Come over and watch the root beer flow like water.” (05:38–06:21)

• Nutritional nonsense and grilling gaffes:

  • Costello claims to eat everything raw—except dinner, where his mother makes him dress for it, leading to more family jokes.
  • “My wife is the best griller in California.”—“A gorilla? That’s her!” (Castello & Abbott, 10:36)

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3. Romantic Mishaps and Musical Interlude

[08:08–10:36; 14:23–17:07]

• Susan Miller, the singing star:

  • Costello attempts to win Susan over, only to be rebuffed with clever radio metaphors.
  • Memorable exchange:
    • Costello: “Susan, how would you like to come over to my house tonight and fix my radio?”
    • Susan: “Listen, Crystal set. Let’s get this straight: you’re not my type. Your dial is warped, your aerial’s dragging, your AC is where your DC ought to be…and besides, you wouldn’t know what to do during a brief pause for station identification.” (10:02–10:36)

• Musical break:

  • Susan performs “Hooray for Love,” bringing a touch of romance and classic musical flair.
  • “It gets you high, it gets you low, but once you get that glow…” (Susan Miller, 16:20)

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4. Fan Interactions and Comic Fan Mail

[17:07–18:45]

• Costello reads letters, including a hilarious moment where the letter praising him was written by himself.

  • “It’s signed C-O-U-E-R-S-O…Wait a minute, I can’t even read my own writing!” (Costello, 17:40)

• A “radio actor” guest thanks Costello for saving his life, but for a twisted reason:

  • “Listening to my program saved your life?”
  • “Yeah, if a jerk like you can get away with that garbage, anybody can make a living!” (18:12)

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5. The Sam Shovel Detective Parody

[18:46–24:53]

The heart of the episode features Costello as Sam Shovel, a bungling private detective, and Abbott as his right-hand man. The segment is a rapid-fire spoof of noir tropes, packed with puns and surreal comedy.

• Sam Shovel’s “office”:

  • “I notice my toes are turning blue—taking my feet out of the inkwell, I glance at the calendar.” (Costello, 19:22)
  • “I haven’t slept in 14 days—but that doesn’t bother me, I sleep nights.” (Costello, 19:26)
  • “I see a strange sight—a cigarette is smoking in the ashtray. I’ve seen cigarettes smoking before, but this one is smoking a pipe.” (Costello, 19:40)

• Abbott’s credentials:

  • “He smashed the Red Gang ring, then smashed the Yellow ring, then broke up the Black ring—then they threw him out of the jewelry store. He was busting too many rings.” (20:55)

• Wordplay escalates:

  • A gunshot outside the door leads to over-the-top melodrama:
    • “Holy cats! They got him! Oh, some dirty dogs got him. He was too young to die!” (Abbott, 23:51)
    • Widow: “How am I going to look, dancing with a flounder?” (Widow character, 24:39)

• Meta-comedy:

  • Throughout, Abbott and Costello blur the line between the detective story and their own personas, trading jokes about acting, bravery, and their own insecurities.

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Notable Quotes & Moments

• On family chaos:

  • Costello: “The towels were marked 'his and hers'—and 'to whom it may concern.'” (03:35)

• On being rejected by Susan Miller:

  • Susan: “You're not my type. Your dial is warped, your aerial's dragging...” (10:15)

• On Costello's “fan letter”:

  • Costello: “I can’t even read my own writing.” (17:40)

• Parodying hardboiled detective intros:

  • Costello as Sam Shovel: “I haven’t slept in 14 days. But that doesn’t bother me. I sleep nights.” (19:26)

• Widow character’s fishy punchline:

  • Widow: “How am I going to look dancing with a flounder?” (24:39)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• 01:00 – 03:35 – Family and Aunt May routines
• 05:35 – 08:08 – Food jokes, grilling, and family weirdness
• 08:08 – 10:36 – Susan Miller rebuffs Costello, radio “repair” gags
• 14:23 – 17:07 – Musical break: Susan Miller sings “Hooray for Love”
• 17:07 – 18:46 – Fan mail segment and meta-comedy
• 18:46 – 24:53 – Sam Shovel detective show parody

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Tone and Style

The episode sparkles with Abbott and Costello’s trademark quick-witted repartee and slapstick energy. Their exchanges are packed with puns, literal misinterpretations, and affectionate insults. The show blends gentle ribbing, tongue-in-cheek references to contemporary radio culture, and zany, surreal humor. Susan Miller’s musical numbers break the action with old-style radio charm.

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In Summary

For modern listeners, this episode is a classic slice of postwar radio: warm, fast-paced, and unfailingly silly. Abbott and Costello’s comedic chemistry shines throughout, whether lampooning family life, romancing and being rebuffed by Susan Miller, or spoofing hardboiled detective adventures in the side-splitting “Sam Shovel” sketch. With memorable quotes, a memorable song, and enough wordplay to last the week, “Double Murder At The Liquor Distillery” is pure Golden Age radio fun.

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Transcript

[A]

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[B]

Hey, what time is it?

[C]

Hi, it's time for the Abbot and Costello Show. We're on the air for ABC here in Hollywood. Well, what are we waiting for? Let's go with the Evan Costello Show. Yes, it's the Evan Costello show, produced and transcribed in Hollywood for your listening pleasure with Susan Miller and Matty Maldig's orchestra. So hold on to your chairs, folks, for here they are, Bud Abbott and Lou Costello. All right, all right, all right. What's all. What's all the yelling for? Well, how about I got a brand new job now. I'm going to be on the radio the rest of the summer. Oh, no. You know the government controls the radio stations in Russia. They don't have any commercial programs over there. Yes, I know. Over there. Even Doug can't do anything until it hears from Joe. Hey, by the way, what are you doing? What are you doing with those flowers? Well, I'm taking them over to my Aunt May. She's practiced from to be a ballet dancer all day. She stands in front of the mirror.

[B]

And she kicks the back of her head.

[C]

But curiosity got the best of her. How do you mean? She turned around to see what she was doing and kicked all her teeth in. You know, Aunt May is sure crazy about Uncle Mike. Happened. She follows them around like a little puppy dog.

[B]

Like a little bit of puppy dog.

[C]

Wait a minute. She follows around like a puppy dog? Yeah, for her birthday. He's gonna give her a deceptive shot. Wait a minute. All right, all right. How's all. How's all of Aunt May's family though? You don't laugh. You know, we'll send you back into here now. Wait a minute. I asked You. How is all of Aunt May's family? Oh, they're all well, except my cousin. Monotonous he's been. Now, wait, wait a minute. Wait just a minute, Lou. Aunt May calls him monotonous? Yeah, he was our 17th child. Your aunt May has 17 children? Yes, eight boys and eight girls. And a storekeeper. Well, they certainly are all healthy. Kid. You know what?

[B]

When I was born, I only weighed 5 ounces.

[C]

Ah, now wait a minute. Hold it right there, Coachella. Nobody was ever born that weighed only 5 ounces. I know. If my stomach hadn't weighed 8 pounds, I wouldn't have lived. You know, Abbott, I come from a very large family too. There was mom and pop and eight kids, two aunts, five uncles, 12 cousins. And we all lived in a four room house with one bed, only one bath. Yes, and what confusion. The towels were marked his and hers and to whom it's made concern. Get him out of here. Yes, the boys are on the beam tonight and they'll be back on it in just about one minute. But first, let's hear this. Go for the house. It's the exciting Wednesday night show that gives seven couples an opportunity to win a wonderful honeymoon house. The house that will be built for them on a suburban lot right in their own hometown. Yes, that's right. A brand new house to suit the dreams of any couple. The rules are simple. Each couple selects a room and begins to furnish honeymoon house. They have seven questions, and as they answer each question correctly, a prize of some furnishing goes into the house. After the third question, they can either take their prizes out of the house or they can go for the house. If they answer all seven questions, then honeymoon house and its furnishings become theirs. Listeners also have an opportunity to win a house. For complete details, don't miss. Go for the house on the air tonight and every Wednesday night over most of these very same ABC stations. And now back to ABC's Abbott and Costello. Joe, I love you. I love you.

[B]

I love you.

[C]

All right, all right.

[B]

I love you.

[C]

Quiet. Quiet. Castello. Yes? What are you doing tonight? I'm going to sing. For my first number. I will sing Nature Boy backwards. Nature Boy? Nature Boy backwards. Why? For people over 35 I. That's Estella. You can't sing that. All right, then I'll sing a song I wrote myself. You wrote a song? What's the name of it? I call it, somewhere in this big white world there's a big white girl for me. You know, you seem very happy tonight. Oh, I am, Abbott. Very happy. Tonight I've given a party at my house. Come on over and watch the champagne flow like water. Oh, champagne costs $25 a quart.

[B]

Come on over and watch the root.

[C]

Beer flow like water. What got into you? I never saw you so full of pe. Really? I feel it better since I've been eating my meals raw. Raw? Raw? Yeah. I eat my breakfast raw. I eat my lunch raw. How about dinner? My mother makes me dress for dinner. Estella, you couldn't be a big idiot if you tried. Oh, yes, I could. But I'm not a. Sure, your whole family are idiots. No, they're not. My Uncle Tom is very smart. He grows the finest vegetables in California. This year he is crushing asparagus with tomatoes. My boy. He'll get tomatoes on a stick. Right. The trouble with your Uncle Tom is he drinks too much food. Yes, and when he gets loaded, he don't want to go home. How does the rest of the. If you ever get him back into the house? Well, she takes him down to the front gate, she puts up three indoors, and when he staggers him for a drink, she nails him and puts him to bed. Eva. Father put him under a cold shower. Yeah. Uncle Tom thinks cold showers are silly. Why? Well, it's like standing under a chaser with no drink in his hand. And it ain't his fault that he drinks. He had a very sad childhood. Up until he was 16 years old, his mother and father fed him strong heart. Yeah, dope. Strong heart is a dog food. Yes, they found it out one day when they discovered him under the porch stretching his hair with his hind leg. Doesn't your Aunt Eva ever get mad at Uncle Tom? No, she just laughs. My Aunt Eva's a lot of fun. She's a regular circus. She's a circus? Yeah, she's just as big as a 10, acts like a clown, chatters like a monkey. She's always plating down Main Street.

[B]

Hello, boy.

[C]

Well, look at fellow is Susan Miller. Oh, Susan, darling, you look wonderful tonight. How do you feel?

[B]

I feel all right today, but last night I had the hive, so I thought of Gregory's pet and Matt showed me of the hide.

[C]

You ever think of me?

[B]

What do you think? Dave and the hide.

[C]

Jesus. I'm sorry to hear that you weren't feeling well. You should have called me and I would have come over and cheered you up.

[B]

Well, I wasn't really sick, bud. I was so down in the dump. So I went to see your sister in his hands high.

[C]

Are they showing it down There already. How about you and I stepping out tonight?

[B]

Not tonight, you fellow. I've got a date with my sailor boyfriend. He's the first Louis.

[C]

Susan, there's no first Louis in the Navy, Costello.

[B]

I've been out with every Tom, Dick and Harry in the navy, but this is my first to Louie.

[C]

Costello, how can you expect Susan to ever go out with you? Just look at you. You're overweight, you're pale and you're nervous. Well, it ain't my fall habit. My sister's baby ate up my whole bottle of vitamin pills. That little baby ate all those vitamin pills. Guess now he thinks he's a bull fighter. How do you know? All day he keeps waving his diaper at the cat trying to stab him with a safety pin. Pay no attention to Costello. Susan, why don't you and I step out tonight?

[B]

Not tonight, bud. You see, I'm going to a government radio school. I'm learning to repair radios.

[C]

A pretty girl like you learns to repair radios?

[B]

Certainly.

[C]

Gee, what would those Democrats think of next? Susan, how would you like to come over to my house tonight and fix my radio?

[B]

Listen. Crystal set. Let's get this straight. You're not my type.

[C]

What do you mean?

[B]

Well, your dial is warped, your aerial's dragging, your AC is where your DC to be. And besides, you wouldn't know what to do during a brief pause for Satan identification. So long, Sasso.

[C]

You know, there goes a nice kid. But she's, she's one and a half faced. What do you mean one and a half face? Well, she's not quite two faced. Well, just don't pay, don't pay any attention to him, Katzela. I beg your pardon? Don't pay any attention to him. Stop talking with your mouth full. Are you eating something? Yes, between meals I like to chew on something. I always eat almonds, pecans and silver. No wonder you're half nuts. I, I have to be careful what I eat. Cocktail. My food has to be grilled. Grilled? Who does that for you? My wife. You may not believe this, but she's the best griller in California. Your wife with the gorilla? Oh, certainly, as long as you brought it up. I think she looks like a baboon myself. I'm not talking about a grilla. And the griller I'm talking about has nothing to do with monkey. No? Then how come she married you, Castella? You're thinking of a gorilla. I said my wife was a gorilla. A gorilla is a big ugly looking thing with little beady eyes, long hair, hairy Arms, a flat nose and a. A thick lower lip. That's her. That's her. Now how dare you make disparaging remarks about my wife. She's one of the most gorgeous women I ever met. Here's a picture I took of her Sunday in her bathing suit. Isn't she a dreamboat? Don't look now at it, but her cargo has shifted. Get out of my way, I'm getting in there. Just a minute, mister, you can't go in there, there's a broadcast going on. Just a minute, please. What's all the commotion? My wife is in this studio with another man and I intend to find him. Just a minute, just a minute, Mr. Glo. You know your wife is in this studio with another man. I had two tickets for this broadcast and my wife stole my wallet with two tickets in it. And I know she's in here with another man. Okay, mister, I know how you feel. If your wife is in here with another man, you've got a right to beat that guy up. Come on. Come on in. Aha, there they are. Give me back my wallet. Thank you, thank you, Mr. Costello. I got my wallet back. And for being such a nice guy, come across the street with me, I'll buy you a cup of coffee. Hey, what about that guy that's with your wife? Let him buy his own coffee. And as the plot thickens, we'll ring down the curtain on the nonsense just long enough to bring you this message. What a swell way to spend an evening. A Wednesday evening that is, by listening to ABC's hit shows. One of them is the sparkling Star Theater. Yes, tonight and every Wednesday night, the lively melody filled Star Theater will be heard over most of these ABC stations. For Melody, there's the popular and romantic voice of Gordon McRae. And there's also the last with the delicate air, lovely Evelyn Knight, who's famous for her special interpretations of beautiful folk ballad. But that's not all. You'll also hear the music of the Victor Young Orchestra and the Jeff Alexander Chorus. Here's a program everyone is sure to enjoy. The Star theater featuring Gordon McRae, Evelyn Knight, Victor Young's orchestra and the Jeff Alexander Chorus. So be on hand when the Star Theater is on the air over most of these ABC stations tonight at 9 o'.

[B]

Clock.

[C]

And now back to ABC's Abbott and Costello Show. Okay, Lou, curtain's going up on our second act. Let's go. Wait a minute, Bud. Let's throw the spotlight on Susan Miller. A great idea, neighbors. Here's Susan Miller, the singing Star of the Abbott and Costello show.

[B]

Here'S to my best romance here's to my worst romance here's to my first romance Ages.

[C]

Ago.

[B]

Here's to the boys I kissed and the complete list here. To the boy who said no Love, love Hooray for love who is ever too blase for love make this a night for love if we have to fight let's fight for love Sometimes cry for love or but in Paris they die for love Some wait a wait for love just the same Hooray for love it's the wonder of the world it's the rocket to the moon.

[C]

It.

[B]

Gets you high it gets you low but once you get that glow oh, some stuff to wait for love Others have to take off Wait for love Some go berserk for love Lotuses even go to work for love Sad songs to stop the love People have their noses bob for love Some say we pay it for love just the same Hooray for love.

[C]

Hey, Abbott. Habit. Look, I got a telegram from one of our listeners. He heard me playing the part of Sam Shovel on last week's show. Well, what does he say? Read it. It says, Dear Mr. Costello, you're playing a Sam Shovel, the detective on last week's program with Sterling. I listened to your show with my ear glued to the radio. We'll be at the studio tonight to congratulate you in person. There's a man out here to see you. What does he look like? He's a tall, thin guy with a radio glued to his ear. Never mind him. Is there any more fan mail? Who? Yes. Here's a letter that says, dear Lou Costello, I think you are the greatest comedian in the world. You're acting as Sam Shovel, the detective. Last week was simply wonderful. I hear you are the sweetest man in the world. I love you. Wait a minute. Who wrote that letter? It's signed C O U E R S O. How do you like that? I can't even read my own writing. Mr. Costello. Mr. Costello, I want to thank you. You saved my life. What do you mean, Costello saved your life? I'm a radioactor. I haven't worked in six years. I haven't eaten for weeks. I'm destitute. Last Wednesday night, I was about to end it all. I was about to throw myself under a bus. Then a car came by with a radio turned on and I heard your program. You were playing Sam Shovel, the detective, and that saved my life. Listening to my program saved your life? Yeah. If a jerk like you can get away with that garbage, anybody can make a living. Castella, you've got to give up the idea of doing those sand shovel detective stories on this program. You, a detective? What would you do if you came face to face with a killer? I'd run the other way. That's my strategy. Your strategy? Yes. I'm going around the world and let's hack him from the rear. Suppose it was a girl crook. She's got big blue eyes and a gorgeous figure. Would you pinch her? Yes, sir. And I'd arrest her too. Castell, you're not brave enough to play the part of Sam Shovel, a detective? Oh no, I can prove that I'm brave. See these bullet holes in my chest? Once a mob of gangsters came at me with guns blazing. But I kept advancing and advancing. That's how you got the bullet holes in your chest? Yes, sir. Tell me more. Sit down. I can't. I also retreated. All right. There's no use arguing with you, Costello. If you insist on doing another episode of Detective Fam. Shovel, let's get started. Come on. And now for our murder mystery. Sam Shovel, Private detective. Yes, I'm Sam Shovel. Shovel it, Sam. That's the finest work you've done in years. Worst chance I've had to get on. I'm Sam Shovel, private detective. I'm sitting in my little office with my feet on the desk. Suddenly I notice my toes are slowly turning blue. Taking my feet out of the ink well, I glance at the colander. Suddenly I realize that I haven't slept in 14 days. But that doesn't bother me. I sleep nights. Suddenly I feel dizzy. My head is spinning. No wonder my hair is caught in the electric fan. Looking on my desk, I see a strange sight. A cigarette is smoking in the ashtray. I've seen cigarettes smoking before, but this one is smoking a pipe. Suddenly there's a knock on the door. The phone rang. Somebody is knocking on the phone. Hello? Same Shovel. It's Detective Abbott of the homicide squad. The man who single handed smashed the notorious Red Gang Red Wing. Then he smashed the yellow rings. Then he broke up the black ring. Then they threw him out of the jewelry store. He was busting too many rings. Sam, what's that horrible smell in this office? That last joke. What's that you're eating, Sam? It's a new detective story called Double Murder at the Liquor Distillery. Or When a Body Meets a Body Coming through the Ride. Lieutenant Abbott, this next line is ridiculous. Coming from me to you. I'll accept it. I know you will. Lieutenant Abbott. Can I offer you a. Don't mind if I do. Abbott took a couple of shots. Damn. Somebody threw a rock through that window and there's a note tied to it. Quick, read it. As for broken windows, call our Zulsia Glass Company. Lieutenant Abbott, I'd like to discuss my latest case with you. Sit down on that swivel back chair. I don't see any swivel back chair. Swivel must have taken it back. What was that? Somebody's been shot just outside the door. Let's see who it is.

[B]

Holy shit. Dad, they got him. Oh, some dirty dogs got him. He was too young to die. Oh, and now look at him.

[C]

Now look at him.

[B]

No, no more will I be able to run my hands through his cribb.

[C]

Madam, I'm terribly sorry. I'm sorry. I'm really sorry. Your husband is dead.

[B]

Oh, it's a night. He was going to take me to the Palladium, but.

[C]

I'm sorry, madam, that your husband is dead. Don't worry, lady. You'll get another date. There's lots of other fish in the sea.

[B]

Yeah, but how am I going to look? Dancing with a flounder?

[C]

Luke Cannon Abbott left with the woman. There I was, all alone with a dead man. I started to do some serious thinking. I thought of my wife and children. I don't know what made me think of my wife and children. I haven't got any wife and children. His case reminded me of the time I caught Sidney the Knife Killer. He wanted to cut out my liver. He wanted to cut out my gizzard. There was a man after my own heart. After I solved that case, Bulldog Drummond invited me to lunch. I'll never eat with Bulldog Drummond again. I can't stand that generation. I decided to use my wristwatch, radio and call Lieutenant Abbott, who was cruising the neighborhood in the squad car.