Abbott And Costello 48-09-08 Double Murder At The Liquor Distillery

Summary

Harold's Old Time Radio
Episode Summary: Abbott and Costello 48-09-08 Double Murder at the Liquor Distillery
Release Date: July 23, 2025

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1. Introduction and Opening Banter

The episode kicks off with the classic dynamic between Bud Abbott and Lou Costello, instantly immersing listeners in the beloved comedic chemistry that defined the Abbott and Costello Show.

• [00:00] Lou Costello: "Hey, Abbott, what time is it?"
• [00:03] Bud Abbott: "Why, it's time for the Abbott and Costello Show. We're on the air for ABC here in Hollywood."

This playful exchange sets a lighthearted tone, preparing the audience for an evening of humor and entertainment.

2. Family Jokes and Comedic Dialogues

A significant portion of the early segment revolves around Lou's exaggerated portrayal of his large and quirky family, particularly focusing on his Aunt May.

• [01:07] Lou Costello: "I come from a very large family too. It was mom and pop and eight kids, two aunts, five uncles, 12 cousins. And we all lived in a four-room house with one bed, only one bath."

The humor stems from Lou's humorous exaggerations and absurd family anecdotes, a signature comedic element of the duo.

3. Integration of Supporting Cast and Musical Elements

The show features contributions from Susan Miller and Matty Mal's orchestra, seamlessly blending musical interludes with the comedic narrative.

• [00:30] Bud Abbott: "Susan Miller and Matty Mal's orchestra. So hold on to your chairs, folks, for here they are, Bud Abbott and Moon Costello."

These musical segments provide a rhythmic backdrop, enhancing the show's entertainment value without overshadowing the main comedic content.

4. Commercial Promotions and Program Highlights

Interstitial segments promote other shows and events within the ABC network, maintaining the old-time radio atmosphere.

• [03:20] Susan Miller: "Go for the House. It's the exciting Wednesday night show that gives seven couples an opportunity to win a wonderful honeymoon house..."

• [12:29] Susan Miller: "The Star Theater, featuring Gordon McRae, Evelyn Knight, Victor Young's orchestra and the Jeff Alexander Chorus."

These promotions are succinctly integrated, ensuring they complement rather than disrupt the main content.

5. Character Interactions and Subplots

The narrative introduces additional characters, including Moon Costello, who engages in a humorous exchange with Bud and Lou.

• [07:08] Moon Costello: "Hello, boy."

• [10:32] Bud Abbott: "Castella. I'm not talking about a gorilla. And the girl I'm talking about has nothing to do with monkeys."

These interactions add depth to the storyline, introducing subplots that intertwine with the main comedic narrative.

6. Listener Engagement and Transition to Murder Mystery

A pivotal moment occurs when Lou receives a telegram from a listener, Mr. Carillo, expressing gratitude for Lou's portrayal of Sam Shovel, a detective character.

• [16:13] Lou Costello: "Mr. Carillo, you're playing a Sam Shovel, the detective, on last week's program with Sterling. I listen to your show with my ear glued to the radio. We'll be at the studio tonight to congratulate you in person."

• [16:50] Lou Costello: "It's signed C O U V R S O. How do you like that?"

This interaction serves as a bridge, transitioning the show from pure comedy into a murder mystery narrative titled "Double Murder at the Liquor Distillery."

7. The Murder Mystery Unfolds

The latter half of the episode delves into a scripted murder mystery, enhancing the traditional comedic format with elements of suspense and intrigue.

• [18:53] Lou Costello: "And now for our murder mystery. Sam."

• [19:10] Bud Abbott: "Shovel it, Sam."

The narrative follows Sam Shovel, a private detective, as he navigates a series of comedic yet suspenseful events leading to a double murder scenario.

• [22:12] Matty Mal as Mr. Carillo: "Lieutenant Abbott, I'd like to discuss my latest case with you."

• [22:51] Gregory: "Oh. Holy shit. Dan, they got him. Oh, some dirty dogs got him."

The incorporation of slapstick and witty dialogues within the murder mystery keeps the essence of Abbott and Costello's humor intact while providing a fresh twist to the storytelling.

8. Climactic Confrontation and Resolution

The tension culminates in a confrontation where Bud, portraying Lieutenant Abbott, attempts to expose the antagonist's deceit.

• [23:17] Bud Abbott: "I'm terribly sorry. Your husband is dead."

• [23:37] Lou Costello: "You'll get another date."

The resolution maintains the comedic undertone, ensuring the narrative remains lighthearted despite the suspenseful elements.

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Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• [01:07] Lou Costello: "I come from a very large family too... And we all lived in a four-room house with one bed, only one bath."

• [07:08] Moon Costello: "Hello, boy."

• [10:25] Bud Abbott: "I'm not talking about a gorilla. And the girl I'm talking about has nothing to do with monkeys."

• [16:14] Lou Costello: "It's signed C O U V R S O. How do you like that?"

• [22:12] Matty Mal as Mr. Carillo: "Lieutenant Abbott, I'd like to discuss my latest case with you."

Conclusion

The Abbott and Costello 48-09-08 Double Murder at the Liquor Distillery episode masterfully blends classic comedic routines with an engaging murder mystery plot. Through witty dialogues, character-driven humor, and a seamless integration of supporting cast members, the show offers a rich and entertaining experience. Listeners are treated to the timeless charm of Abbott and Costello, enhanced by the suspenseful yet humorous twists that keep the narrative fresh and captivating.

This detailed summary encapsulates the key discussions, insights, and comedic brilliance of the episode, providing both longtime fans and newcomers a comprehensive overview of the delightful chaos that ensues in this Golden Age radio classic.

Transcript

[Lou Costello]

Hey, Abbott, what time is it?

[Bud Abbott]

Why, it's time for the Abbott and Costello Show. We're on the air for ABC here in Hollywood.

[Lou Costello]

Well, what are we waiting for? Let's go with the Abbot and Costell.

[Bud Abbott]

Yes, it's the Abbot and Costello show, produced and transcribed in Hollywood for your listening pleasure with Susan Miller and Matty Mal's orchestra. So hold on to your chairs, folks, for here they are, Bud Abbott and Moon Costello. All right, all right, all right. What's all.

[Lou Costello]

What'S all we yelling for? Well, how about I got a brand new job now. I'm going to be on the radio the rest of the summer.

[Bud Abbott]

Oh, no. You know the government controls the radio stations in Russia. They don't have any commercial programs over there.

[Lou Costello]

Yes, I know. Over there. Even Doug can't do anything until it hears from Joe.

[Bud Abbott]

Hey, by the way, what are you doing? What are you doing with those flowers?

[Lou Costello]

Well, I'm taking them over to my Aunt May. She practice them to be a ballet dancer. All day she stands in front of the mirror and she kicks the back of her head. But curiosity got the best of her.

[Susan Miller]

How do you mean?

[Lou Costello]

She turned around to see what she was doing and kicked all her teeth in. You know, Aunt May is sure crazy about Uncle Mike Abbott. She follows them around like a little puppy dog. Like a little bit of puppy dog. Wait a minute.

[Bud Abbott]

She follows him around like a puppy dog?

[Lou Costello]

Yeah, for her birthday. He's gonna give her a deceptive shot.

[Bud Abbott]

Wait a minute. All right, all right. How'? How is all of Aunt May's family, though?

[Lou Costello]

You don't laugh. You know, we'll send you back in the heat.

[Bud Abbott]

Now wait a minute. I asked you. But how is all of Aunt May's family?

[Lou Costello]

Oh, Deros. Well, except my cousin. Monotonous, he's been.

[Bud Abbott]

Now wait a minute, Wait a minute. Wait just a minute, Lou. Aunt May calls him monotonous.

[Lou Costello]

Yeah, he was her 17th child.

[Bud Abbott]

Your aunt May has 17 children?

[Lou Costello]

Yes, eight boys and eight girls and a storekeeper.

[Bud Abbott]

Well, they certainly are all healthy kids.

[Lou Costello]

You know what? When I was born, I only weighed 5 ounces.

[Bud Abbott]

Ah, now wait a minute. Hold it right there, Castella. Nobody was ever born that weighed only 5 ounces.

[Lou Costello]

I know. If my stomach hadn't weighed 8 pounds, I wouldn't have lived. You know, Abbott, I come from a very large family too. It was mom and pop and eight kids, two aunts, five uncles, 12 cousins. And we all lived in a four room house with one bed, only one bath.

[Matty Mal]

Yes, and what confusion.

[Lou Costello]

The towels remark his and hers. And so whom it may concern.

[Bud Abbott]

Get him out of it. Yes, the boys are on the beam tonight, and they'll be back on it in just about one minute.

[Lou Costello]

But first, let's hear this.

[Susan Miller]

Go for the House. It's the exciting Wednesday night show that gives seven couples an opportunity to win a wonderful honeymoon house. A house that will be built for them on a suburban lot right in their own hometown. Yes, that's right. A brand new house to suit the dreams of any couple. The rules are simple. Each couple selects a room and begins to furnish Honeymoon house. They have seven questions, and as they answer each question correctly, a prize of some furnishing goes into the house. After the third question, they can either take their prizes out of the house or. Or they can go for the house. If they answer all seven questions, then honeymoon house and its furnishings become theirs. Listeners also have an opportunity to win a house. For complete details, don't miss Go for the House on the air tonight and every Wednesday night over most of these very same ABC stations. And now back to ABC's Abbott and cuff belong.

[Lou Costello]

What are you doing tonight? I'm going to sing. For my first number, I will sing Nature Boy backwards.

[Bud Abbott]

Nature Boy? Nature Boy backwards. Why?

[Lou Costello]

For people over 35, I.

[Bud Abbott]

Estella, you can't sing that.

[Lou Costello]

All right, then I'll sing a song I wrote myself.

[Bud Abbott]

You wrote a song? What's the name of it?

[Lou Costello]

I call it somewhere in this big white world there's a big white girl for me.

[Bud Abbott]

You know, you seem very happy tonight.

[Lou Costello]

Oh, I am, Abbott. Very happy tonight. I'm giving a party at my house. Come on over and watch the champagne flow like water.

[Matty Mal]

So?

[Bud Abbott]

Champagne cost $25 a quart.

[Lou Costello]

Come on over and watch the root beer flow like water.

[Bud Abbott]

What's got into you?

[Lou Costello]

I. I never saw you so full of fat. Really? I feel it better since I've been eating my meals raw.

[Bud Abbott]

Raw?

[Lou Costello]

Raw? Yeah. I eat my breakfast raw. I eat my lunch raw.

[Susan Miller]

How about dinner?

[Lou Costello]

My mother makes me dress for dinner.

[Bud Abbott]

Estella, you couldn't be a big idiot if you tried.

[Lou Costello]

Oh, yes, I could, But I'm not a.

[Bud Abbott]

Your whole family are idiots.

[Lou Costello]

No, they're not. My Uncle Tom is very smart. He grows the finest vegetables in California. This year, he is crossing asparagus with tomatoes.

[Bud Abbott]

My boy.

[Lou Costello]

He'll get tomatoes on a stick.

[Susan Miller]

Right.

[Bud Abbott]

The trouble with your Uncle Tom is he drinks too much.

[Lou Costello]

Flu. Yes, and when he gets loaded, he don't want to go home.

[Bud Abbott]

Well, how does your Aunt Beaver ever get him back into the house?

[Lou Costello]

Well, she takes him down to the front gate. She puts up three indoors. And when he staggers him for a drink, she nails him and puts him to bed.

[Bud Abbott]

And even thought I put him under a cold shower.

[Lou Costello]

Yeah, Uncle Tom thinks cold showers are silly.

[Bud Abbott]

Why?

[Lou Costello]

Well, it's like standing under a Taser with no drink in his hand. And it ain't his fault that he thinks. He had a very sad childhood. Up until he was 16 years old, his mother and father fed him strong hearts.

[Bud Abbott]

You dope. Strong heart as a dog food?

[Lou Costello]

Yes. They found it out one day when they discovered him under the porch scratching his ear with his hind legs.

[Bud Abbott]

Doesn't your Aunt Eva ever get mad at Uncle Tom?

[Lou Costello]

No, she just laughs. My Aunt Eva's a lot of fun. She's a regular circus.

[Matty Mal]

She's a circus?

[Lou Costello]

Yeah. She's just as big as a pen. Acts like a clown, tattered like a monkey. She's always parading down Main Street.

[Moon Costello]

Hello, boy.

[Lou Costello]

Why, look a fellow.

[Bud Abbott]

It's Susan Miller.

[Lou Costello]

Oh, Susan, darling, you look wonderful tonight. How do you feel?

[Moon Costello]

I feel all right today, but last night I had the hide, so I thought of Gregory's pet and that showed me of the hide.

[Lou Costello]

You ever think of me?

[Moon Costello]

What do you think, David? The hide.

[Bud Abbott]

Susan, I'm sorry to hear that you weren't feeling well. You should have called me and I would have come over and cleared you up.

[Moon Costello]

Well, I wasn't really sick, Bud. I was so down in the dump. So I went to see your picture in each hand.

[Matty Mal]

Are they showing it down there already?

[Lou Costello]

Susan. Susan, how about you and I stepping out tonight?

[Moon Costello]

Not tonight, you fellow. I've got a date with my sailor boyfriend. He's the first Louie.

[Lou Costello]

Susan. There's no first Louis in the Navy.

[Moon Costello]

Estella, I've been out with every Tom, Dick and Harry in the Navy. But this is my first to.

[Lou Costello]

Louie.

[Bud Abbott]

How can you expect Susan to ever go out with you?

[Lou Costello]

Just look at you.

[Bud Abbott]

You're overweight, you're pale and you're nervous.

[Lou Costello]

Well, it ain't my fall habit. My sister's baby ate up my whole bottle of vitamin pills.

[Bud Abbott]

That little baby ate all those vitamin pills?

[Lou Costello]

Yes. Now he thinks she's a bullfighter.

[Matty Mal]

How do you know?

[Lou Costello]

All day he keeps waving his diaper at the cat trying to stab him with a safety pin.

[Bud Abbott]

Pay no attention to Costello. Susan, why don't you and I step out tonight?

[Moon Costello]

Not tonight, Bud. You see, I'm going to a government radio school. I'm learning to repair radios.

[Lou Costello]

A pretty Girl like you learns to repair radios.

[Moon Costello]

Certainly.

[Lou Costello]

What won't those Democrats think of next? Susan, how would you like to come over to my house tonight and fix my radio? Listen, Crystal.

[Moon Costello]

Seth, let's get this straight. You're not my type.

[Lou Costello]

What do you mean?

[Moon Costello]

Well, your dial is warped, your aerial's dragging, your AC is where your DC should be. And besides, you wouldn't know what to do during a brief cause for Satan identification. So long, fat dog.

[Lou Costello]

You know, there goes a nice kid.

[Matty Mal]

But she's.

[Lou Costello]

She's one and a half faced.

[Bud Abbott]

What do you mean, one and a half face?

[Lou Costello]

Well, she's not quite two faced.

[Matty Mal]

She's.

[Bud Abbott]

Well, dish on hate. Don't pay any attention to him, Costella.

[Lou Costello]

I beg your pardon?

[Bud Abbott]

You don't pay any attention to him.

[Lou Costello]

Stop talking with your mouth full. Are you eating something? Yes.

[Bud Abbott]

Between meals I like to chew on something. I always eat almonds, pecans and silver.

[Matty Mal]

No wonder you're half nuts.

[Susan Miller]

I.

[Bud Abbott]

I have to be careful what I eat, Costa. All my food has to be grilled.

[Matty Mal]

Grilled?

[Lou Costello]

Who does that for you?

[Bud Abbott]

My wife. You may not believe this, but she's the best griller in California.

[Lou Costello]

Your wife with the grillers?

[Bud Abbott]

Oh, certainly, as long as you brought it up.

[Lou Costello]

I think she looks like a baboon myself.

[Bud Abbott]

Castella. I'm not talking about a gorilla. And the girl I'm talking about has nothing to do with monkeys.

[Matty Mal]

No?

[Lou Costello]

Then how come she married you.

[Bud Abbott]

Castella? You're thinking of a gorilla. I said my wife was a gorilla. A gorilla is a big ugly looking thing with little beady eyes, long hair, hairy arms, a flat nose and a thick lower lip.

[Lou Costello]

That's her.

[Bud Abbott]

That's her. Now how dare you make disparaging remarks about my wife. She's one of the most gorgeous woman I ever met. Here's a picture I took of her Sunday in her bathing suit. Isn't she a dreamboat?

[Lou Costello]

Don't look now, Abbott, but her cargo has shifted.

[Gregory]

Get out of my way.

[Lou Costello]

I'm getting in here. Just a minute, mister.

[Bud Abbott]

You can't go in there. There's a broadcast going on.

[Matty Mal]

Just a minute, please.

[Bud Abbott]

What's all the commotion? My wife is in this studio with another man and I intend to find him.

[Lou Costello]

Just a minute.

[Bud Abbott]

Just a minute, Mr. Glove.

[Matty Mal]

How.

[Bud Abbott]

You know your wife is in.

[Matty Mal]

This studio with another man?

[Bud Abbott]

I had two tickets for this broadcast.

[Lou Costello]

And my wife stole my wallet with.

[Matty Mal]

Two tickets in it.

[Bud Abbott]

And I know she's in here with another man.

[Lou Costello]

Okay, mister, I know how you feel. If your wife is in Here with another man. You've got a right to beat that guy up. Come on. Come on in.

[Bud Abbott]

Aha. There they are. Give me back my wallet. Thank you.

[Lou Costello]

Thank you, Mr. Costello. I got my wallet back. And for being such a nice guy, you'll come across the street with me. I'll buy you a cup of coffee. Hey, what about that guy that's with your wife?

[Bud Abbott]

Let him buy his own coffee. And as the plot thickens, we'll ring down the curtain on the nonsense just long enough to bring you this message.

[Susan Miller]

What a swell way to spend an evening, a Wednesday evening that is, by listening to ABC's hit shows. One of them is the sparkling Star Theater. Yes, tonight and every Wednesday night, the lively, melody filled Star Theater will be heard over most of these ABC stations. For melody, there's the popular and romantic voice of Gordon McRae. And there's also the last with the delicate air, lovely Evelyn Knight, who's famous for her special interpretations of beautiful folk ballads. But that's not all. You'll also hear the music of the Victor Young Orchestra and the Jeff Alexander Chorus. Here's a program everyone is sure to enjoy. The Star theater, featuring Gordon McRae, Evelyn Knight, Victor Young's orchestra and the Jeff Alexander Chorus. So be on hand when the Star Theater is on the air over most of these ABC stations tonight at 9 o'.

[Bud Abbott]

Clock.

[Susan Miller]

And now back to ABC's Abbott and Costello Show.

[Bud Abbott]

Okay, Lou, curtain's going up on our second act.

[Susan Miller]

Let's go.

[Lou Costello]

Wait a minute, Bud. Let's throw the spotlight on Susan Miller.

[Bud Abbott]

A great idea, neighbors. Here's Susan Miller, the singing star of the Abbott and Costello Show.

[Evelyn Knight]

Here's to my best romance here's to my worst romance here's to my first romance ages ago here's to the boys I speak and the complete to the voice who said no Love, love grace for love who is ever too blase for love make this a night for love if we have to fight let's fight for love Some time cry for love oh, but in Perry they die for love Some wait a wait for love just the same Hooray for love it's the wonder of the world.

[Bud Abbott]

The.

[Evelyn Knight]

Rocket to the moon it gets you high it gets you low but once you get that blow oh, some fate for love Others have to take off Wait for love Some go berserk for love Lopez even go to work for love Sad songs to stop for love People have their noses Bob for love Some say we care for love just the same who rare for love.

[Matty Mal]

Hey, Abbott.

[Lou Costello]

Abbott Look, I got a telegram from one of our listeners. He heard me playing the part of Sam Shovel on last week's show. Well, what does he say?

[Susan Miller]

Read it.

[Lou Costello]

It says here, Mr. Carillo, you're playing a Sam Shovel, the detective, on last week's program with Sterling. I listen to your show with my ear glued to the radio. We'll be at the studio tonight to congratulate you in person.

[Susan Miller]

Fellow.

[Lou Costello]

There's a man out here to see you.

[Matty Mal]

What does he look like?

[Lou Costello]

He's a tall, thin guy with a radio glued to his ear.

[Bud Abbott]

Never mind him.

[Susan Miller]

Is there any more fan man?

[Lou Costello]

Yes. Here's a letter that says, dear Lou Costello, I think you are the greatest comedian in the world. Your acting as Sam Shovel, the detective last week was simply wonderful. I think you are the sweetest man in the world. I love you.

[Bud Abbott]

Wait a minute.

[Susan Miller]

Who wrote that letter?

[Lou Costello]

It's signed C O U V R S O. How do you like that? I can't even read my own writing. Mr. Costello. Mr. Costello, I want to thank you. You saved my life.

[Bud Abbott]

What do you mean, Costello saved your life? I'm a radioactor.

[Lou Costello]

I haven't worked in six years. I haven't eaten for weeks. I'm destitute.

[Bud Abbott]

Last Wednesday night, I was about to end it all.

[Lou Costello]

I was about to throw myself under a bus. Then a car came by with a.

[Bud Abbott]

Radio turned on and I heard your program. You were playing Sam Shovel, the detective.

[Lou Costello]

And that saved my life. Listening to my program saved your life?

[Bud Abbott]

Yeah. If a jerk like you can get away with that garbage, anybody can make a living with it.

[Lou Costello]

Castella, you've got to give up the.

[Bud Abbott]

Idea of doing those sand shovel detective stories on this program. You, a detective? What would you do if you came face to face with a killer?

[Matty Mal]

I'd run the other way.

[Lou Costello]

That's my strategy.

[Matty Mal]

Your strategy? Yes.

[Lou Costello]

I'm going around the world and let's hack him from the rear.

[Bud Abbott]

Suppose it was a girl crook. She's got big blue eyes and a gorgeous figure. Would you pinch her?

[Lou Costello]

Yes, sir. And I'd arrest her too.

[Bud Abbott]

Castell, you're not brave enough to play the part of Sam Shovel, a detective?

[Matty Mal]

Oh, no, I can prove that I'm brave. See these bullet holes in my chest? Once a mob of gangsters came at me with guns blazing. But I kept advancing and advancing.

[Bud Abbott]

That's how you got the bullet holes in your chest?

[Lou Costello]

Yes, sir.

[Bud Abbott]

Tell me more. Sit down.

[Matty Mal]

I can't.

[Bud Abbott]

I also retreated. All right. There's no use arguing with you, Castell. If you insist on doing another episode of Detective Fame. Shovel, let's get started.

[Lou Costello]

Come on. And now for our murder mystery. Sam.

[Gregory]

Sh.

[Lou Costello]

Private detective.

[Matty Mal]

Yes. I'm Sam Shovel.

[Bud Abbott]

Shovel it, Sam.

[Matty Mal]

That's the finest work you've done in years.

[Bud Abbott]

Worse chance I've had to get on.

[Matty Mal]

I'm Sam Shovel, Private detective. I'm sitting in my little office with my feet on the desk. Suddenly I notice my toes are slowly turning blue. Taking my feet out of the ink well, I glance at the colander. Suddenly I realize that I haven't slept in 14 days. But that doesn't bother me. I sleep nights. Suddenly I feel dizzy. My head is spinning. No wonder my hair is caught in the electric fan. Looking on my desk, I see a strange sight. A cigarette is smoking in the ashtray. I've seen cigarettes smoking before, but this one is smoking a pipe. Suddenly there's a knock on the door. The phone rang. Somebody is knocking on the phone. Hello?

[Bud Abbott]

Same Shovel.

[Matty Mal]

It's Detective Abbot of the homicide squad. The man who single handed smashed the notorious Red Gang. Red Wing. Then he smashed the yellow ring. Then he broke up the black ring. Then they threw him out of the jewelry store. He was busting too many rings. Damn.

[Bud Abbott]

What's that horrible smell in this office?

[Matty Mal]

That last joke?

[Bud Abbott]

Watch that you're reading, Sam.

[Matty Mal]

It's a new detective story called Double Murder at the Liquor Distillery. Or When a Body Meets a Body Coming through the Ride. Lieutenant Abbott, this next line is ridiculous coming from me to you.

[Bud Abbott]

I'll accept it.

[Matty Mal]

I know you will. Lieutenant Abbott, can I offer you a drink?

[Susan Miller]

No.

[Bud Abbott]

Mind if I do? Abbott took a couple of shots.

[Susan Miller]

Damn.

[Matty Mal]

Somebody threw a rock through that window.

[Bud Abbott]

And there's a note tied to it. Quick, read it.

[Matty Mal]

As for broken windows, call ours excelsior glass. Lieutenant Abbott, I'd like to discuss my latest case with you. Sit down on that swivel back chair.

[Bud Abbott]

I don't see any swivel back chair.

[Matty Mal]

Swivel must have taken it back. What was that?

[Bud Abbott]

Somebody's been shot. Just outside the door. Let's see who it is.

[Gregory]

Oh. Holy shit. Dan, they got him. Oh, some dirty dogs got him. He was too young to die. Oh, and now look at him. Now look at him. No, no more will I be able to run my hands through his curly hand. Oh, that's my.

[Susan Miller]

Madam.

[Bud Abbott]

I'm.

[Matty Mal]

I'm terribly. I'm terribly sorry.

[Bud Abbott]

I'm sorry. I'm really sorry. Your husband is dead.

[Gregory]

Oh, it's a night. He was going to take me to the Palladium.

[Bud Abbott]

But I'm sorry, madam, that your husband is dead.

[Matty Mal]

Don't worry, lady.

[Lou Costello]

You'll get another date.

[Matty Mal]

There's lots of other fish in the sea.

[Moon Costello]

Yeah, but how am I going to look to Anton?

[Lou Costello]

With a flounder?

[Matty Mal]

Luke Cannon Abbott left with the woman. There I was, all alone with a dead man. I started to do some serious thinking. I thought of my wife and children. I don't know what made me think of my wife and children. I haven't got any wife and children. His case reminded me of the time I caught Sidney the Knife Killer. He wanted to cut out my liver. He wanted to cut out my gizzard. There was a man after my own heart. After I solved that case, Bulldog Drummond invited me to lunch. I'll never eat with Bulldog Drummond again. I can't stand that generation. I decided to use my wristwatch radio and call Lieutenant Abbott, who was cruising the neighborhood in the squad car.