Abbott & Costello 40-03-20 Lion Hunting

Summary

Podcast Summary: Harold's Old Time Radio - "Abbott & Costello 40-03-20 Lion Hunting"

Episode Information:

• Title: Abbott & Costello 40-03-20 Lion Hunting
• Host/Author: Harold's Old Time Radio
• Release Date: March 2, 2025
• Description: This episode features a classic Abbott & Costello comedy sketch set against the backdrop of a lion hunting expedition. As always, the timeless chemistry and witty banter between Bud Abbott and Lou Costello deliver laughs and memorable moments reminiscent of the Golden Age of Radio.

---

1. Introduction to the Sketch

The episode kicks off with a seamless transition from advertisements into the familiar voices of Bud Abbott and Lou Costello. The scene is set with Bud Abbott inviting Lou Costello to join him for a lion hunting trip. The chemistry between the duo is immediate, setting the stage for a series of comedic misunderstandings and wordplay.

Notable Quote:

• Bud Abbott [01:00]: "Hey, Abbott?"
• Lou Costello [01:02]: "Yes, Costello?"

2. Planning the Lion Hunt

Bud Abbott enthusiastically explains the details of the upcoming hunting trip, emphasizing the importance of proper equipment and strategy. Lou Costello, ever the bumbling sidekick, brings his trademark confusion and humor to the conversation, questioning the logistics and fumbling with terminology.

Notable Quotes:

• Bud Abbott [12:14]: "A Papa Jackass? Well, how do you know he's married?"
• Lou Costello [12:42]: "I know guns inside and out, my man."

3. Encountering the Game Warden

As the hunt progresses, Abbott and Costello encounter a game warden who introduces more confusion into their plans. The warden's explanations about the ferocious mountain lion exacerbate the duo's comedic miscommunications, leading to humorous exchanges about wildlife and hunting practices.

Notable Quotes:

• Game Warden [15:26]: "A ferocious mountain lion that has been terrorizing the countryside."
• Lou Costello [16:30]: "Oh, shut up, you idiot."

4. The Lion Cave Confrontation

The climax of the sketch occurs when Lou Costello confronts what he believes to be the lion in its cave. This segment is filled with slapstick humor and witty dialogue, culminating in a surprising twist that plays on words and situational comedy.

Notable Quotes:

• Lou Costello [20:15]: "It's me, the lion."
• Skinny [20:32]: "How did you find this cave with all the housing shortages?"

5. Escalating Confusion and Resolution

As the tension with the "lion" builds, Abbott and Costello's attempts to capture the creature lead to increasing confusion and comedic disruption. The resolution ties back to their earlier misunderstandings, bringing the sketch full circle with laughs and a sense of camaraderie between the characters.

Notable Quotes:

• Lou Costello [21:31]: "Who is the greatest hunter of them all?"
• Skinny [25:55]: "There is the lion skin."

6. Humorous Aftermath and Reflections

In the aftermath of their adventure, Abbott and Costello reflect on the events with their characteristic humor. Their banter about the hunt, combined with playful jabs and light-hearted teasing, encapsulates the essence of their comedic partnership.

Notable Quotes:

• Lou Costello [26:15]: "The December 10th issue of Look magazine has printed the pictures of your big barbecue party for the kids."
• Skinny [26:57]: "Good night."

7. Closing Remarks

The sketch concludes with Abbott and Costello parting ways after their humorous and chaotic hunting expedition. The closing dialogue reinforces their enduring friendship and leaves listeners with a final chuckle, embodying the timeless appeal of their comedy.

Notable Quote:

• Lou Costello [26:57]: "Good night."

---

Key Highlights and Insights

• Timeless Humor: The episode showcases the enduring humor of Abbott & Costello, characterized by rapid-fire dialogue, wordplay, and situational comedy that transcends generations.

• Character Dynamics: Bud Abbott's role as the straight man contrasts perfectly with Lou Costello's bumbling antics, creating a dynamic that drives the comedic narrative forward.

• Classic Sketch Structure: The lion hunting scenario serves as an ideal backdrop for the "Who's on First?"-style misunderstandings, allowing for an extended and creative exploration of their comedic style.

• Memorable Lines: Throughout the sketch, listeners are treated to a series of memorable lines and exchanges that highlight the duo's impeccable timing and chemistry.

Notable Quote:

• Lou Costello [19:25]: "How can I face that lion? He may be starving too."

Conclusion

"Abbott & Costello 40-03-20 Lion Hunting" is a quintessential episode that captures the essence of Abbott & Costello's legendary comedic prowess. From the initial planning of the hunt to the final humorous resolution, the sketch offers a delightful blend of laughter, wit, and the timeless charm that has endeared the duo to audiences for decades. Whether you're a longtime fan or new to their antics, this episode is sure to entertain and amuse with its classic humor and engaging dialogue.

Transcript

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[Bud Abbott]

Hey, Abbott?

[Lou Costello]

Yes, Costello?

[Bud Abbott]

Are you the manager of this baseball team?

[Lou Costello]

Yes.

[Bud Abbott]

Well, now that I'm down here for spring training, I would like to know some of the guys names on the team. So when I meet them on the street or in a ballpark, I'll be able to say hello to them.

[Lou Costello]

Well, naturally, I'll introduce you to the boys. And a regular bunch of boys we have. But you know, strange as it may seem, they give these ball players nowadays very peculiar names.

[Bud Abbott]

Funny names.

[Lou Costello]

Yes. Nicknames. Pet names. You know, like Dizzy Dean, his brother Daffy. Daffy Dean.

[Bud Abbott]

I'm their cousin.

[Lou Costello]

What's your first name?

[Skinny]

Goofy.

[Lou Costello]

That's what I thought. Let's see, we have on the bags we have who's on first, what's on second. I don't know who's on.

[Bud Abbott]

That's what I want to find out.

[Lou Costello]

I say who's on first, what's on second? I don't know who's on third.

[Bud Abbott]

Wait a minute. Are you the manager?

[Lou Costello]

Yes.

[Bud Abbott]

You know the guy's name?

[Lou Costello]

Well, I should.

[Bud Abbott]

Who's on first?

[Lou Costello]

That's right.

[Bud Abbott]

I mean a fellow's name.

[Lou Costello]

Who?

[Bud Abbott]

The guy on first.

[Lou Costello]

Who?

[Bud Abbott]

The fellow on first base.

[Lou Costello]

Who was on first?

[Bud Abbott]

What are you asking me for?

[Lou Costello]

I'm not asking you, I'm telling you. Who was on first?

[Bud Abbott]

Well, go ahead and tell me.

[Lou Costello]

That's the man's name.

[Bud Abbott]

That's whose name?

[Lou Costello]

Yes.

[Bud Abbott]

Have you got a contract with the first baseman?

[Lou Costello]

Well, certainly.

[Bud Abbott]

Who signed the contract?

[Lou Costello]

Why, naturally, you wouldn't expect anybody else to sign it.

[Skinny]

But who?

[Lou Costello]

Yes.

[Bud Abbott]

Look, when you put off the first base and every Month. Who gets the money?

[Skinny]

Every dollar he does.

[Lou Costello]

Oh, absolutely.

[Bud Abbott]

All I'm trying to find out is what is the guy's name on first base?

[Lou Costello]

Oh, now wait a minute. Let's straighten that out. What is on second base?

[Bud Abbott]

Who's on second base?

[Lou Costello]

Who is on first?

[Bud Abbott]

One base at a time.

[Lou Costello]

I know, but don't change the players around.

[Bud Abbott]

I'm not changing anybody. I only want to know what's the guy's name on first base.

[Lou Costello]

But I'm telling you what is on second.

[Bud Abbott]

I'm not asking you who's on second.

[Lou Costello]

Who is on first.

[Bud Abbott]

That's what I want to find out.

[Lou Costello]

I know, but who is who and what is what. Don't change it.

[Bud Abbott]

Look, that's mean nothing to me. All I want to know is what's the guy's name on first base?

[Lou Costello]

But what is on second base?

[Bud Abbott]

Who's on second?

[Lou Costello]

Who is on party?

[Bud Abbott]

I don't know.

[Lou Costello]

Oh, he's on third. We're not talking about him.

[Bud Abbott]

How did I get on third base?

[Lou Costello]

Why? You mentioned his name.

[Bud Abbott]

If I mentioned the third baseman's name, who did I say is playing third?

[Lou Costello]

No. Who is playing first?

[Bud Abbott]

Never mind first. I'm gonna know what's the guy's name on third base.

[Lou Costello]

But what's on second?

[Bud Abbott]

Who's on second?

[Lou Costello]

Who is on first?

[Bud Abbott]

I don't know.

[Lou Costello]

He's on third.

[Bud Abbott]

There I go, back on third again.

[Lou Costello]

I can't change your name.

[Bud Abbott]

Let you and I stay on third base.

[Lou Costello]

Now, what do you want to know?

[Bud Abbott]

Now who was playing base?

[Lou Costello]

Why do you insist on putting who on third base?

[Bud Abbott]

Who am I putting on third base?

[Lou Costello]

Yes, but we don't want him there.

[Bud Abbott]

You don't want who there?

[Lou Costello]

No.

[Bud Abbott]

So what's the guy's name Belongs there?

[Lou Costello]

No. What belongs on second?

[Bud Abbott]

Who's on second?

[Lou Costello]

Who is on first?

[Bud Abbott]

I don't know. Third base. You got outfield.

[Lou Costello]

That's right.

[Skinny]

The left field.

[Bud Abbott]

His name.

[Lou Costello]

Why?

[Bud Abbott]

I don't know. I just thought I'd ask you.

[Lou Costello]

Well, I just thought I'd say.

[Bud Abbott]

Then tell me who's playing left field.

[Lou Costello]

Oh, no. Who is playing first?

[Bud Abbott]

What's on first?

[Lou Costello]

What's on second?

[Bud Abbott]

I don't know. Third base. Look, the left field is named.

[Skinny]

Why?

[Bud Abbott]

Because.

[Lou Costello]

Oh, he's center field.

[Bud Abbott]

You've got a pitcher on the team.

[Lou Costello]

Wouldn't this be a fine team without a pitcher?

[Bud Abbott]

The pitcher's name.

[Lou Costello]

Tamara.

[Bud Abbott]

You don't want to tell me today?

[Lou Costello]

I'm telling you, man.

[Skinny]

Go ahead.

[Lou Costello]

Tomorrow.

[Bud Abbott]

What time?

[Lou Costello]

What time what?

[Bud Abbott]

What time tomorrow? You gonna tell me who's pitching?

[Lou Costello]

Now, listen, who is not pitching? Who is he?

[Bud Abbott]

I'll break your rhyme. You say, who's on first?

[Lou Costello]

Go ahead, have it.

[Bud Abbott]

I want to know what's the pitcher's.

[Lou Costello]

Name, what's on second.

[Bud Abbott]

I don't know. Play. You got a catcher.

[Lou Costello]

Absolutely.

[Bud Abbott]

The catcher's name.

[Lou Costello]

Today.

[Bud Abbott]

Today and tomorrow's pitching.

[Lou Costello]

Now, you've got.

[Bud Abbott]

That's all we got, a couple of days on a team.

[Lou Costello]

Well, I can't help that.

[Bud Abbott]

You know, I'm a catcher too.

[Lou Costello]

I know that.

[Bud Abbott]

Now, I'll get behind the plate, I'll do some fancy catching. And tomorrow's pitching on my team. The heavy hitter gets up. Tamara throws the ball. And the guy up bunched the ball. Now, when he punched the ball, me being a good catcher, I want to throw the guy out of first base. So I pick up the ball and throw it to who?

[Lou Costello]

Now, that's the first thing you've said, right?

[Bud Abbott]

I don't even know what I'm talking. Well, that's all you have to do is to throw it to first base.

[Lou Costello]

So who's got it, naturally?

[Bud Abbott]

Oh, naturally's got it.

[Lou Costello]

No, no, no.

[Bud Abbott]

Who's got it naturally?

[Lou Costello]

That's right.

[Bud Abbott]

Well, that's what I said.

[Lou Costello]

That's right.

[Bud Abbott]

Now, I pick up the ball and I throw it to Natural.

[Skinny]

No, no.

[Lou Costello]

You throw it to who, naturally? That's right.

[Bud Abbott]

That's what I said.

[Lou Costello]

That's what I said.

[Bud Abbott]

That's what I heard it then.

[Lou Costello]

That's right.

[Bud Abbott]

Now I pick up the ball and I throw it to who?

[Lou Costello]

That's right.

[Bud Abbott]

Whoever it is drops the ball and the guy runs for second. Who picks up the ball and throws at the.

[Lou Costello]

Watch.

[Skinny]

What throws it?

[Bud Abbott]

I don't know.

[Lou Costello]

I don't know.

[Bud Abbott]

Throws it. Back to tomorrow, a triple play. I'm not acting at the long fly ball could be caused. Why? I don't know. He's on third and I don't give a darn.

[Skinny]

What was that?

[Bud Abbott]

I said, I don't give a darn.

[Lou Costello]

Oh, that's our shortstop.

[Bud Abbott]

Oh, I'm a bay bo.

[Skinny]

C, A, M, D, L, S. That's right, folks. B for comedy, A for Abbott, M for Maxwell, E for Ennis, L for Lou Costello. Yes, they spell Camel. Your taste will tell you about Camel's rich, full flavor. Your throat will welcome Camel's cool mildness. So draw up a chair for tonight's show starring Bud Abbott and Lou Costello. Costello. Costello.

[Lou Costello]

Yes, to me, please. Did you go hunting with your uncle Artie Stevens? Last.

[Skinny]

What'd you say?

[Lou Costello]

I say, did you go hunting with your Uncle Artie Stebbins last Saturday? Yeah.

[Skinny]

And a terrible thing happened. A great big bear sneaked up behind us, grabbed Uncle Artie's gun out of his hands and stuck it in his back.

[Lou Costello]

What did Uncle Artie do?

[Skinny]

What could he do? He married the bear's daughter.

[Lou Costello]

Never mind that. Did you see any. Did you see any big game?

[Skinny]

I saw a giraffe, but I didn't shoot him. He had a sore throat.

[Lou Costello]

Well, there's nothing worse than a giraffe with a sore throat.

[Skinny]

Oh, yes, there is.

[Lou Costello]

What?

[Skinny]

A centipede with corns. You dummy.

[Lou Costello]

I didn't think you'd ever. I didn't think you ever went hunting in your life, and I don't believe you did. I'll bet you haven't even got a hunting license.

[Skinny]

I have two. Here it is.

[Lou Costello]

Wait a minute, Wait a minute. There's no hunting license. This is a picture of Henny Lamar.

[Skinny]

You hunt what you like, and I'll hunt what I like.

[Lou Costello]

You hunter boy. That's ridiculous. Oh, yeah.

[Skinny]

My brother and I, we used to hunt alligators.

[Lou Costello]

Alligators?

[Skinny]

Yeah. One time, an alligator was just about to attack my brother in law. I fired off both barrels of my trusty rifle.

[Lou Costello]

Did you kill the alligator?

[Skinny]

See the swallow?

[Lou Costello]

Genuine alligator.

[Skinny]

No, genuine brother in law.

[Lou Costello]

Come here, look at this. You see this picture? I trapped all these rabbits last winter. Now, how many would you say there are?

[Skinny]

876.

[Lou Costello]

That's exactly right. Wait a minute.

[Skinny]

How did you guess it? Oh, I just count the legs and divide by four.

[Lou Costello]

Costella, have you ever been in Africa? In Africa? On safari?

[Skinny]

No, but I've been in New York on safari.

[Lou Costello]

A safari in New York?

[Skinny]

Yeah, Staten Island Safari. And also the Hoboken Safari.

[Lou Costello]

Oh, now, come on, that's ridiculous.

[Skinny]

Lots of safaris around there.

[Lou Costello]

Hey, listen to me, though. You should have been with me on my elephant hump. Oh, there I was, surrounded by elephants. One big bull elephant started towards me. I said to myself, I'm trapped. Haven't you? Trapped? Should I run or stand here and shoot the bull?

[Skinny]

You've been doing all right up to now.

[Lou Costello]

All right, all right. Well, I shot. Yeah. Elephant felon. Broke a test.

[Skinny]

Broke a what?

[Lou Costello]

A test. Test. Test.

[Skinny]

You two and a couple of poo poos.

[Lou Costello]

A test is valuable. We use 50, 000 elephants a year just to make billiard balls.

[Skinny]

My, how do they train those big, clumsy beasts to do such delicate work?

[Lou Costello]

I can see you. I can see you know nothing about elephants.

[Skinny]

I once held hunted elephants in India with an old acquaintance of mine, and an elephant sat on him. Someday I gotta go back there.

[Lou Costello]

Why?

[Skinny]

To scrape up an old acquaintance. Yeah, but did you ever shoot a zebra?

[Lou Costello]

Yes, I did.

[Skinny]

Could I have that zebra skin?

[Lou Costello]

Oh, what do you want with a zebra skin?

[Skinny]

My Aunt Minnie is an Alcatraz and she needs a new fur coat.

[Lou Costello]

No, that's silly, Costella. However, I have a stuffed rhinoceros you can have. Of course, you know what a rhinoceros is, don't you?

[Skinny]

Oh, sure. That's a hippopotamus with a red eater cap. Now, come on out there. I know you're breezing.

[Lou Costello]

All.

[Skinny]

This is the last week of.

[Lou Costello]

The big game hunting season. Now, tomorrow I'm going hunting in the High Sierras and I'd like you to come along with me.

[Skinny]

Oh, gee, thanks, Abbott. Say, you've done a lot of hunting. What do they call those little flies that buzz around the animals?

[Lou Costello]

Gnats.

[Skinny]

I asked you a civil question. What do they call those little flies?

[Lou Costello]

Gnats. Gnats.

[Skinny]

Gnats to you too, brother.

[Lou Costello]

Oh, no, no, you don't. Gnats are the flies that annoy the animals. Of course, some of them have ticks.

[Skinny]

Why don't they take the ticks and give those flies a good trashing?

[Lou Costello]

I didn't say sticks. I said ticks. For instance, there's deer sticks. The deer ticks.

[Skinny]

There's certainly deer dicks who want them up.

[Lou Costello]

Oh, nobody want them up.

[Skinny]

And what makes him tick? Somebody must have slipped a groon in his groove.

[Lou Costello]

Stella, when I say. Listen, please. When I say deer ticks, I don't mean the deer ticks. I mean deer ticks.

[Skinny]

Abbott, let me smell your breath.

[Lou Costello]

Oh, come on, please. Rock sense. Deer has ticks and the ticks bother the deer.

[Skinny]

They used to bother me when I went to school.

[Lou Costello]

Ticks bothered you in school? Yes.

[Skinny]

Arithmetics, mathematics. And one time a tick got me in trouble with a teacher.

[Lou Costello]

Oh, now, wait a minute. How could a tick get you in trouble with a teacher?

[Skinny]

I ticked my tongue out at the.

[Bud Abbott]

Teacher and she trounced the tweet of.

[Skinny]

My trousers with a twap.

[Lou Costello]

Doct low. I. I'm talking about animal ticks. Hundreds of animals in the woods have ticks.

[Skinny]

That must be a pretty sound when hundreds of animals get together and they all start ticking at once.

[Lou Costello]

No, no, listen, Garcello, listen to me. Deer have ticks, elks have ticks, and one time my father shot a moose with Ticks. Now do you know what I'm talking about?

[Skinny]

Sure. Your father's moose ticks.

[Lou Costello]

God, Stella, you're getting more stupid every day. I don't know what to do with you. I don't know what to say to you. I've tried and I've tried to improve your mind, but I just can't seem to get anywhere.

[Skinny]

Why don't you face it, Abbott, you're a failure. Well, here I am, Abbott. And I'm all ready to go hunting with you up in the mountains.

[Lou Costello]

That's fine, Costello. How is your hunting equipment?

[Skinny]

I got the best, Abbott. Look. Cornell Wilde's old address book.

[Lou Costello]

Go ahead Costello.

[Skinny]

Hunting.

[Lou Costello]

Hunting is a serious sport. Now suppose you came face to face with a big bruin.

[Skinny]

What would you do? Ask him for a ticket to the Rose bowl game.

[Lou Costello]

You know Marilyn Maxwell and Skinny and to meet us at the hunting lodge. And I hope you brought something along. I did.

[Skinny]

I brought a quarter bourbon in case somebody gets the chills. What are you bringing, Abbot?

[Lou Costello]

The chills. Costella, did you bring a gun?

[Skinny]

Oh yes, here it is. This is my sawed off shotgun.

[Lou Costello]

Wait a minute, where is the handle?

[Skinny]

How do you like that? I sawed off the wrong end.

[Lou Costello]

Come on Castella, Marilyn and Skinny are waiting for us at the hunting lodge in the mountains. Let's go.

[Skinny]

I am fat, flabby and flat headed.

[Lou Costello]

Oh no, wait a minute. Don't insult Costello. Skinny, don't be a pill.

[Skinny]

Skinny ain't no pill. He's too long and narrow. Well thank you Costello. You're a capsule. You're a funny looking hunter. Skinny, do you know anything about guns?

[Lou Costello]

I know guns inside and out, my man. When I was a kid with the circus, they used to shoot me out.

[Skinny]

Of an air rifle. What do you know about. What do you know about Hutton Costello? Have you seen that big bear rug in my living room? Sure. Well, I shot that beer myself. What a battle. It was either me or the bear.

[Lou Costello]

Well, I'm glad it was the bear.

[Skinny]

You'd make an awful lumpy rug.

[Lou Costello]

Hey look Estella, here comes Marilyn Maxwell.

[Marilyn Maxwell]

Hiya boys and hello Lois. Lewis honey, my chubby little chocolate chipmunk.

[Skinny]

I'm Marilyn, my sugar coated sharpshooter. Plug me with a buckshot of your kisses.

[Marilyn Maxwell]

Lewis, honey, how do you like my hunting outfit? Saks Fifth Avenue.

[Skinny]

Get a load of mine. Army surplus.

[Geico]

Oh Louis, it's gonna Geico's motorcycle expertise. Gives me the coverage I need. Like 247 claims I'm on cloud nine.

[Geico Disclaimer]

Disclaimer. Clouds are wholly unable to support the weight of an adult human.

[Lou Costello]

What's happening?

[Geico Disclaimer]

Furthermore, clouds are not numbered. Even if you procured a jetpack and searched, you'd find no CL number nine. However, at that altitude, you'd likely befriend a flock of migrating snow geese who'd encourage you to leave your 247 GEICO motorcycle claims insurance behind as they would take you in and even share their dinner of crickets and clovers with you. Geico assumes no liability for any indigestion that may occur from a clover cricket dinner. GEICO expertise for your motorcycle.

[Geico]

Geico's motorcycle expertise means I'm covered by people who know bikes like I do. I'm happy as a clam.

[Geico Disclaimer]

Disclaimer. No, conclusive scientific research has shown clams can experience happiness.

[Geico]

Just meant that I feel really good about my coverage.

[Geico Disclaimer]

I mean, even if you took the climb out for the best day ever, visiting the zoo, taking a scenic ride, knowing you're insured by specialists and sharing a strawberry ice cream cone together, the clam would not feel happy. And your strawberry cone would taste sort of clammy. Geico's motorcycle specialists who know bikes like you do, assume no liability for clammy ice cream cones. Geico expertise for your motorcycle.

[Marilyn Maxwell]

Fun hunting with you. What's your favorite wild game?

[Skinny]

Post office.

[Marilyn Maxwell]

Louis Lewis Post office. In the Wild Games, it is the.

[Bud Abbott]

Way I play it.

[Marilyn Maxwell]

Ah, Lewis, my little snowman, come melt in my arms.

[Skinny]

See, Marilyn, when I'm close to you like this, I just can't seem to break away.

[Marilyn Maxwell]

Why not?

[Skinny]

My nose is caught in the trigger of your shotgun.

[Marilyn Maxwell]

Well, Louis, if you'll excuse me, I'll go up to the hunting lodge and freshen up. As they say in Spanish, manana ola.

[Bud Abbott]

Noches to you and your mama's own.

[Skinny]

Nice shirt to you, too.

[Lou Costello]

Hey, Castella, Costella, look. Up on that mountaintop. Now, there is a mother stork and two little storks. Yeah.

[Skinny]

Abbott, can I ask you a question?

[Lou Costello]

Certainly.

[Skinny]

When the mama stork talks things over with the little storks, who does she say brings the babies?

[Lou Costello]

Help. Help. Beg pardon, stranger. Is there a skinny hombre in your party? Yes, there is. Why? You better go over there and get him. A gopher just dragged him down into its hole. Who are you, stranger? I'm the game warden.

[Skinny]

Yeah? What's your game warden?

[Lou Costello]

You want to know my game partner? I'll tell you, it's par cheesy, but being up here in the wild country so much. I trained three little Skunks to play bridge with me.

[Skinny]

Is it a steep game?

[Lou Costello]

No, we only play for a tenth of a century, Warden. We're after some big game. Have you seen any hereabouts?

[Skinny]

Hereabouts? Hereabouts? Abbott, I thought we came up here to shoot deer. I wouldn't shoot a poor little hereabouts for anything in the world. Anybody that will shoot a little hereabouts and make a widow out of a sheabouts ought to be ashamed of themselves.

[Lou Costello]

Oh, shut up, you idiot. How about it, warden? Is there any big game around here? Well, there's a ferocious mountain lion that has been terrorizing the countryside. He's been killing the farmer's chickens. And he's even been stealing eggs at.

[Skinny]

The price eggs are. Now, I don't blame him.

[Lou Costello]

That's a reward of a thousand dollars to the man that gets that mountain lion. One of you boys ought to trap him.

[Skinny]

Which one of us would you suggest?

[Lou Costello]

Why don't you try, Tubby? You got the biggest trap.

[Skinny]

Oh, no.

[Lou Costello]

Don't feed us anymore, please. Please don't feed us anymore.

[Skinny]

Hey, who are those guys?

[Lou Costello]

That's the Nebraska football team. Now, remember, if you shoot that line, I'll give you $1,000 for a skin. I need it to make stockings.

[Skinny]

What kind of stockings can you make out of line skin?

[Lou Costello]

Nylon stockings. So long, Lord.

[Skinny]

Hey, you hear that, fellows? The lion's just north of us. Which way? South.

[Lou Costello]

Come here, you coward. You're afraid. You're not afraid to take its chance. You understand? Yeah. Now take this cane.

[Skinny]

You see it?

[Lou Costello]

A lion won't bite you if you're carrying a cane.

[Skinny]

Yeah, but how fast do I have to be carrying the cane? I ain't mucking around with no lines, Abbott. The last time I saw a line was in the Adirondack Mountains.

[Lou Costello]

What happened?

[Skinny]

I snapped at the line, then the line snapped at me. And then something whisked past.

[Lou Costello]

What was it?

[Skinny]

Kansas City.

[Lou Costello]

Quiet. I hear something. Listen.

[Skinny]

I love you.

[Lou Costello]

Ouch. I love you.

[Skinny]

Ouch. I love you.

[Lou Costello]

Ouch.

[Bud Abbott]

I love you.

[Lou Costello]

Ouch.

[Skinny]

Estella, what was that? Two porcupines necking.

[Lou Costello]

All right, Castello. All right. Now take it easy, kid. I'm right in back of you. Don't worry about me. Here's the mouth of the cave. Now go in there. That's a pal for you. I let you go and get the lion, don't I?

[Skinny]

You want me to go in and get the lion?

[Lou Costello]

Certainly. I'm your friend.

[Skinny]

Why don't you go in and get the lion?

[Lou Costello]

Oh, what do you mean you want me to win? I have a family.

[Skinny]

Oh, what I got.

[Lou Costello]

Never mind what you got. You go ahead and get that lion.

[Skinny]

Okay.

[Lou Costello]

I mean.

[Skinny]

Hey, what's the matter? You scared? Look at you. Your knees are knocking. I always knock before I enter a cave.

[Shopify]

I'll take it easy.

[Lou Costello]

Buck up, Costello. And remember, make the lion believe you're not afraid of him.

[Skinny]

I couldn't be that deceitful.

[Lou Costello]

You've got to think of those poor people who've lost their cattle and their chickens and their eggs on account of that lion. How can you face them, Costello? Think of it. How can you face them when they may be starving?

[Skinny]

How can I face that lion? He may be starving too.

[Marilyn Maxwell]

Oh, there you are. Lewis, honey, I'm so proud of you. I know you're going in that cave and kill that lion just for me.

[Skinny]

I am?

[Marilyn Maxwell]

Yes. And, Lewis, honey, I'd do anything for you. Why, I climbed the highest mountain. I'd swim the deepest river.

[Skinny]

How do you like that? Here I am facing death. Death. And this dame is gonna go out climbing and swimming. Okay, I'll go in. But if that line runs out, don't nobody shoot at him.

[Lou Costello]

Why not?

[Skinny]

I may be inside of them. Gee, it's certainly dark in this lion's cave.

[Lou Costello]

Why don't you light a match?

[Skinny]

Who said that?

[Lou Costello]

It's me, the lion.

[Skinny]

What do you know, a talking lion. I gotta. I gotta tell Abbott, Skinny and Merlin about this.

[Lou Costello]

Oh, no, no. You must never tell anyone. I'm a hermit and I just hate people. I wear this lion skin to scare them away. I live in this cave all alone.

[Skinny]

How did you find this cave with all the housing shortages?

[Lou Costello]

I subleased it from a bear that went on the road with the skating act.

[Skinny]

You must get lonesome here all alone. Why don't you get a roommate?

[Lou Costello]

I had a roommate, and elk. And then the meat shortage came along.

[Skinny]

You mean they see this too?

[Lou Costello]

Tagging on this watch chain?

[Bud Abbott]

Yeah.

[Lou Costello]

Well, it ain't mine.

[Skinny]

Look, Mr. Hermit, my girl is outside. I promised her I'd bring out the line. Give me that lion skin and I'll take it out there and everybody will think you're dead and nobody will bother you anymore.

[Lou Costello]

Here, take the skin. Oh, goody, goody. Now I can be a real hermit. Then I won't be bothered by Lucille Ball, Betty Grable or Marilyn Maxwell.

[Skinny]

Gee, do they call you?

[Lou Costello]

No, that's what bothers me. Hey, look, here comes Costello out of the cave.

[Marilyn Maxwell]

Oh, my hero. Look, he has the lion skin.

[Lou Costello]

Who Is the greatest hunter of them all Bring them back alive, Costello when.

[Marilyn Maxwell]

There is danger who's the one they call Bring him back alive, Costello Once.

[Bud Abbott]

I found a baby leopard with milk I filled his tummy and then in some magician tomb I helped him find.

[Skinny]

His mummy he caught Tarzan everything he.

[Lou Costello]

Knows when in danger he's not yellow.

[Marilyn Maxwell]

Who looks dapper in his hunting clothes? No one but my handsome One day.

[Bud Abbott]

I caught a tiger I wasn't even trying and in the movie house I caught a Metro golden lion.

[Lou Costello]

The greatest hunter of them all Costello.

[Skinny]

Yeah.

[Lou Costello]

You've hunted a lot of big game Tell me, did you ever hunt bear? I can't, Abbott.

[Skinny]

The bushes tickle me. Once I saw a mink though I saw a mink crying in the woods I picked him up and I said to him Though you'll be a coatful and a Turner Laugh me laugh Though you'll be a lovely hat for Myrna Laugh me.

[Lou Costello]

At zero you'll have the best table.

[Skinny]

Think of those cold nights with Betty Shapiro when you're on display at Bullets we'll share giggle meat Giggle.

[Bud Abbott]

All your cares will vanish if your tail will wiggle me.

[Skinny]

And don't be.

[Lou Costello]

Depressed Keep your skin up when you.

[Skinny]

See Frank Buck Just.

[Marilyn Maxwell]

Oh, Lewis, honey, my brave adventurer. Someday you must take me hunting with you.

[Skinny]

I will, Merlin, my love. And you can ride on my Papa Jackass.

[Marilyn Maxwell]

A Papa Jackass? Well, how do you know he's married?

[Skinny]

All jackasses are married.

[Marilyn Maxwell]

Oh, my hero. Let's celebrate tonight. We'll go to the smartest restaurant for dinner See the best show in town and then visit all the swanky nightclubs. Then I'll kiss you good night and after you've gone and left me crying after you've gone there's no denying how lonesome I'll be There's no one I'll.

[Bud Abbott]

See Until she finds another sucker like.

[Lou Costello]

Me who know these young girls better than a book Bring him back a.

[Marilyn Maxwell]

Live Costello Cool charm A snake with one hypnotic look Bring him back a live Costello I caught a baby penguin.

[Bud Abbott]

He looks so awful cute I haven't got the penguin But I'm wearing his.

[Marilyn Maxwell]

Dress suit Makes a while less hand.

[Lou Costello]

No one else but you, Costello he.

[Marilyn Maxwell]

Makes the others hang their heads in shame he's so groovy, he's so mellow.

[Bud Abbott]

I captured famous animals from every living her I even caught a decoy K sliding in the third.

[Lou Costello]

The greatest hunter of them all the greatest hunter of them all.

[Skinny]

Oh, boy, what a tough battle But I won hey, Abbott. There is the lion skin.

[Lou Costello]

Wait a minute, Costello. There's something phony about this. Turn that skin over. I thought so. There's a label on that lion skin, Costello. Come on, read it.

[Skinny]

Eastern Columbia, Broadway at night.

[Lou Costello]

By the way, Costello. Well, the December 10th issue of look magazine has printed the pictures of your big barbecue party for the kids.

[Skinny]

Yes. Did you see it, Abbott?

[Lou Costello]

I did. I saw your picture, your wife's picture, your kids pictures and my picture. But I didn't see my wife Betty's picture. And I know they took Betty's picture. Now, where's my wife's picture? Why wasn't it in there?

[Skinny]

Well, the fellow that took your wife's picture couldn't develop it.

[Lou Costello]

Why not?

[Skinny]

He was afraid to go into the dark room with it alone.

[Bud Abbott]

Oh.

[Lou Costello]

Good night.

[Geico]

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