Podcast Summary: Harold's Old Time Radio

Episode: Abbott & Costello 42-05-11 Lou Substitutes For Joe DiMaggio
Release Date: September 30, 2025
Host: Harold's Old Time Radio
Featured Performers: Bud Abbott, Lou Costello, Marilyn Maxwell, Skinny Ennis

Overview

This episode of Harold's Old Time Radio transports listeners to the Golden Age of American radio with a classic Abbott & Costello comedy broadcast, originally aired on May 11, 1942. The comedic plot centers on Lou Costello being summoned to substitute for the legendary Joe DiMaggio on the New York Yankees as DiMaggio recovers from surgery. The show boasts the famous wordplay, fast-paced banter, and musical interludes characteristic of Abbott & Costello, as well as memorable appearances by Marilyn Maxwell and Skinny Ennis.

Key Discussion Points & Comedy Highlights

1. Lou’s "Baseball Career" & Girl Troubles

• Begins with Abbott chiding Costello for being distracted by girls and not working, leading to signature Costello wordplay:
  • Costello’s Girlfriend List:
    “I'm just making out a list of girls I'm gonna kiss next week. Here's who I got picked out. Lizzie Schwartz, Maggie Mugglemeyer, Tessie Tinfoil. Lana Turner.” (01:03)
  • Abbott's exasperated response:
    "You dummy. Always thinking of girls trails." (01:20)
• Abbott tries to push Costello toward seriousness:
  • "Great men don't waste their time on girls." (01:23)
• Costello jokes about playing on a girl’s baseball team in Paterson, NJ:
  • "This was a girl's baseball team." (03:23)

2. Lou is "Called Up" by Joe DiMaggio

• A comical telegram from DiMaggio invites Lou to play for the Yankees:
  • "I would appreciate you taking my place on New York Yankees until I recover. Please report to the Yankee Stadium immediately. Sign Joe DiMaggio.” (02:25)
• Lou celebrates and claims expertise:
  • “Oh no, I eat baseball. I live baseball. All night when I'm asleep I dream about baseball.” (02:53)
  • Abbott asks, “Don't you ever dream about girls?” Costello: “What, and miss my turn up at bat?” (02:58)

3. Baseball Confusion: Left- and Right-Handed Players

• Abbott quizzes Lou on baseball strategy, leading to a spiraling exchange about pitchers and batters:
  • Abbott: "Suppose there's a left handed pitcher pitching, what do you do?"
    Costello: "I put in a right handed batter." (03:32–03:49)
  • This leads to more wordplay and circular reasoning.

4. Wordplay Around "Niche" and "Draw"

• Abbott tries to encourage Costello to find his "niche" in life; Costello fixates on itching:
  • Abbott: "Now you've got a good job as a baseball player and you might find your proper niche in life?" (05:06)
  • Costello: "When I find a itch, I scratch it." (05:19)
  • Abbott: "A niche is a notch."
    Costello: "Catch." (06:12-06:16)
• The routine escalates with puns about “drawing a salary,” leading Costello to make fun of Abbott's phrasing:
  • “You're an old pair of drawers.” (07:19)

5. Physical Fitness for Baseball

• Abbott attempts to design an intensive training regimen for Costello:
  • "From 8:00am to 9:00am you lift weights. From 9 to 10, deep knee bends... 11 to 12, run 5 miles." (11:32)
  • Costello laments: "12 to 1. I'll never make it. You idiot." (11:44)

6. “Feller” Routine: Cleveland Indians’ Star Pitcher

• Abbott tries to explain that Bob Feller is the pitcher for the Cleveland Indians, leading to classic confusion as Costello misunderstands "Feller" as "fellow":
  • Abbott: "Feller pitching."
    Costello: "Now which feller are you talking about?" (13:09 onwards)
  • Abbott: "There is only one Feller with Cleveland." (13:27)
  • Costello: "Nine Yankees are going to play against one Feller?" (13:29)
  • Continues with repeated word play, driving home the misunderstanding.

7. Sporting Goods Store Hijinks

• A trip to buy equipment devolves into puns and more “Feller” confusion:
  • Costello jokes: "Abbott, you know what a bosball is? That's what the poocher throws to the Kutcher. And the pooter tries to boot a home run." (15:07)
• Jokes about Costello's weight, shoe size, and exercise routines:
  • "You're certainly a pudgy little rascal, aren't you? Aren't you overweight?"
    Costello: "I'm about 120 pounds overweight, but I'm going back to my normal weight. Yes, that's normal. 60 pounds overweight." (17:20–17:32)
  • On exercise:
    "Why don't you exercise with a couple of dumbbells?"
    Costello: "I'm ready whenever you and Abbott are." (17:44–17:47)

8. Mrs. Whitwash and the Old Baseball Bat

• Abbott and Costello visit Mrs. Whitwash to ask for one of her late husband's baseball bats for good luck.
  • Mrs. Whitwash and Costello trade barbs:
    • Costello: "Your face reminds me of a rose."
      Mrs. Whitwash: "An American beauty rose?"
      Costello: "No, a rhinocerosella." (19:56–20:00)

9. Musical Performances

• Skinny Ennis performs “Linda” (09:23, 10:50)
• Marilyn Maxwell performs “Do You Know What It Means to Miss New Orleans” for New Orleans Jazz Week (21:00–22:59)

10. Legendary Routine: “Who’s on First?”

At the heart of the episode is the full, uninterrupted performance of the classic Abbott & Costello "Who's on First?" routine—a hallmark of American comedy.

• Begins: (24:24)

  • Abbott: "On the bags we have who's on first, what's on second. I don't know who's on third." (24:41)

  • Costello: "That's what I want to find out." (24:44)

  • Rapid-fire confusing exchanges:

    • Costello: "Who's on first?"
      Abbott: "Yes."
      Costello: "I mean the fellow's name."
      Abbott: "Who." (24:52-24:58)

  • Key quotes:

    • "Who's playing first?" – Costello (25:01)
    • "What is on second." – Abbott (25:35)
    • "Who's on first? I don't know. Oh, he's on third." (25:52)

  • The routine spirals into increasing confusion with each position and player name, culminating in:

    • Costello: "Well I. I said I don't give a darn."
      Abbott: "Oh, that's our shortstop." (28:26)

11. Closing Gag: Letter From Joe DiMaggio

• Lou reads a final telegram from DiMaggio:
  • "Dear Lou, just heard your show. I think you have the makings of the world's greatest natural ball player. You have spiked teeth, a club head, and you've been off your base for years." (29:19)
  • Lou and Abbott send DiMaggio well-wishes:
    "Good night, folks... and a special good night to Joe DiMaggio. Get well quick, Joe." (29:31)

Notable Quotes & Comedic Moments

• Costello on new garters: "Your socks stay up, but your legs fall down." (01:45)
• Costello’s take on salary: "No, I never drew a fat celery, but I once sketched a skinny tomato." (06:37)
• Dieting Wisdom:
  Abbott: "You should really go on a diet."
  Costello: "Sure. That’s where you can eat all you want of everything you don't like." (17:39)
• Who's On First Classic: "Who's on first?" ... "Yes." ... "The guy's name?" ... "Who." (24:52–24:58)
• Feller Confusion:
  Costello: "Nine Yankees are going to play against one feller?" (13:29)

Timestamps to Major Comedy Segments

| Segment | Timestamp | |-------------------------------------------|---------------| | Girlfriend List Gag | 01:03 | | DiMaggio’s Telegram | 02:24 | | Baseball Strategy Routine | 03:32 | | ‘Niche’ and ‘Draw’ Routine | 05:13–07:19 | | Fitness Routine | 11:32 | | Feller Pitcher Wordplay | 13:09–14:30 | | "Bosball" and Sporting Goods Gags | 15:07–18:26 | | Mrs. Whitwash’s Baseball Bats | 19:39–20:47 | | "Linda" (Musical Performance) | 09:23, 10:50 | | "Do You Know What It Means..." (Song) | 21:13–22:59 | | "Who's on First?" | 24:24–28:26 | | Telegram from DiMaggio (Closing) | 29:19–29:31 |

Tone & Style

• High-paced, witty repartee, brimming with classic puns and malapropisms.
• Spirited and playful banter, quick exchanges, and escalating confusion—signature Abbott & Costello.

In Summary

This Abbott & Costello episode captures the timeless comedy of the duo, from Lou’s hapless misunderstandings to Abbott’s exasperated straight-man delivery. Highlights include routines about baseball, wordplay on “niche” and “draw,” the legendary “Who’s On First?” sketch, and musical interludes that capture the era’s entertainment style. It seamlessly blends slapstick, linguistic humor, and affectionate nostalgia for America’s pastime, all wrapped in a brisk, radio-perfect format.

Fans of classic comedy, baseball, or quick-witted banter will thoroughly enjoy this episode—a true gem from radio’s golden days.