Abbott & Costello 43-01-14 (028) Hunting Guide with Claire Trevor

Summary

Podcast Summary: "Abbott & Costello 43-01-14 (028) Hunting Guide with Claire Trevor"

Introduction

In this engaging episode of Harold's Old Time Radio, the legendary comedy duo Abbott and Costello navigate the humorous challenges of a meat shortage. Joined by special guest Claire Trevor, the episode blends classic slapstick humor with witty dialogue, capturing the essence of the Golden Age of Radio. Released on April 24, 2025, this episode offers listeners a delightful journey filled with misunderstandings, playful banter, and comedic antics.

1. The Meat Shortage Conundrum

The episode opens with Lou Costello lamenting the nation's dwindling meat supply. His concerns stem from the outsourcing of manufacturing jobs, leading to economic and social repercussions. Costello humorously exaggerates the situation, highlighting the absurdity of everyday challenges:

Lou Costello [00:00]: "Things could be a lot worse. Nobody's worrying about getting meat."

Bud Abbott responds with his signature dry wit, dismissing Costello's worries while simultaneously poking fun at his friend’s predicament.

2. Introduction of Matilda

The dynamic shifts with the introduction of Matilda, a spirited young girl who adds a fresh layer of humor to the dialogue. Matilda's interactions with Abbott and Costello showcase her precociousness and fearless attitude, leading to several comedic moments:

Matilda [12:30]: "And I'm only three and a half years old."

Her playful remarks and bold assertions, such as claiming her father is an elk, further amplify the comedic tension between the characters.

3. The Arrival of Claire Trevor: The Hunting Guide

Claire Trevor enters the scene as the hunting guide, bringing a new dimension to the storyline. Her character is portrayed as competent and no-nonsense, contrasting with the bumbling Abbott and Costello:

Claire Trevor [14:40]: "Howdy, fellows. I'm your hunting guide."

Trevor’s interactions with the duo are marked by her professionalism and patience, especially when dealing with Costello’s misguided hunting methods and Abbott’s skepticism.

4. The Hilarious Hunting Expedition

The core of the episode revolves around the trio's hunting expedition, riddled with comedic mishaps and misunderstandings. Abbott and Costello's incompetence in hunting is a recurring theme, leading to humorous situations such as unexpected animal encounters and ill-timed shots:

Lou Costello [22:28]: "What's the matter? We haven't sighted any game yet."

Their attempts to follow Trevor's instructions often result in chaos, such as mistakenly shooting at a turkey and misidentifying animal tracks. These moments are punctuated by rapid-fire exchanges and slapstick humor that Abbott and Costello are renowned for.

5. Climactic Encounters and Resolutions

As the hunting trip progresses, the characters face a series of escalating comedic challenges. From dealing with a mischievous dog to encountering a metaphorical "grizzly," the tension peaks with Costello's exaggerated reactions and Trevor's attempts to maintain order:

Claire Trevor [24:47]: "Hey, boys, come here. You know, I think the bear has already been in this cave."

Costello's interactions with Matilda, especially her innocent yet disruptive presence, add to the hilarity, culminating in a series of humorous confrontations and reconciliations.

6. Notable Quotes and Memorable Moments

Throughout the episode, several standout quotes and moments encapsulate the timeless humor of Abbott and Costello:

• Costello on Work Ethic and Manufacturing:

  Lou Costello [00:00]: "This country was built on a distinctly American work ethic."

• Abbott's Sarcastic Remarks:

  Bud Abbott [06:20]: "Are you, Luke Costello, going hunting with Bert Abbott? Yes. Then kindly step forward."

• Matilda's Mischievous Antics:

  Matilda [24:44]: "Listen, Matilda, you better get out of here. Go on back to the cabin."

• Trevor's Professionalism Amidst Chaos:

  Claire Trevor [16:02]: "Eyes bad. Izu."

These quotes not only highlight the characters' personalities but also emphasize the comedic timing that makes Abbott and Costello a beloved duo.

7. Episode Conclusion

The episode concludes with Abbott and Costello reflecting on their hunting misadventures, expressing both frustration and amusement. Claire Trevor gracefully wraps up the expedition, leaving listeners with a sense of camaraderie and anticipation for future escapades:

Lou Costello [29:08]: "Thanks, Ken. Ladies and gentlemen, next Thursday night our program will be broadcast from the Navy Receiving Station at San Pedro, California."

The final exchanges maintain the light-hearted tone, ensuring that the audience remains entertained until the very end.

Conclusion

"Abbott & Costello 43-01-14 (028) Hunting Guide with Claire Trevor" is a quintessential example of classic radio comedy. Through its well-crafted dialogue, endearing characters, and situational humor, the episode delivers laughter and charm reminiscent of a bygone era. Whether you're a longtime fan or new to Abbott and Costello's antics, this episode offers a delightful listening experience that underscores the enduring appeal of old-time radio comedy.

Transcript

[Lou Costello]

This country was built on a distinctly American work ethic. But today, work is in trouble. We've outsourced most of our manufacturing to other countries. And with that, we sent away good jobs and diminished our capability to make things. American Giant is a clothing company that's pushing back against this tide. They make a variety of high quality clothing and activewear like sweatshirts, jeans, dresses, jackets, and so much more, all made right here in the USA from growing the cotton and adding the final touches. So when you buy American Giant, you create jobs for seamsters, cutters and factory workers in towns and cities across the United States. And it's about more than an income. Jobs bring pride, purpose. They stitch people together. If all that sounds good to you, visit american-giant.com and get 20% off your first order when you use code STAPLE20 at checkout. That's 20% off your first order at american-giant.com with promo code STAPLE20.C A M.

[Bud Abbott]

E L S. Camels, the cigarette that's first in the service presents the Abbott and Costello program with the music of Freddie Rich and his orchestra, the songs of Connie Haynes and the Camel 5. Tonight's guest was Claire Trevor and starring Bud Abbott and Lou Costello.

[Lou Costello]

Oh, Costello, you're late again, as usual. What kept you this time? Well, I got a phone call from my bank and I had to run down there right away. What was the matter? The butter in my vault was melting. Costello, what do you want the bowl for? Well, in case I get some meat. Haven't you had any? Huh? Haven't you had any meat? No. The only way I can get meat is to stand over a gopher hole with a baseball bat. Oh, stop complaining. Things could be a lot worse. Nobody's worrying about getting meat. Oh, no. Yesterday I went to the market. The butcher put his arm on a counter and before he knew it, three women bought it. Well, if you're so worried about nourishment, why not take vitamins like I do now? Vitamin A gives me sunshine. Vitamin B gives me energy. Vitamin C gives me calcium. I take vitamin W. What does that give you? Wow.

[Bud Abbott]

Good evening, fellows. What's the discussion all about here, Bud?

[Lou Costello]

Oh, hello, Ken. Hello, Kenneth. I was worrying about the meat shortage. You know how he is. His eyes are bigger than his stomach.

[Bud Abbott]

They are?

[Lou Costello]

Hello, fat eyes.

[Bud Abbott]

Of course I'm not worried about the meat shortage.

[Lou Costello]

Why should you with that mutton head?

[Bud Abbott]

You should talk, fat boy.

[Lou Costello]

Who's fat? I got a military figure.

[Bud Abbott]

That's right. When you wear a belt, your stomach goes over the Top.

[Lou Costello]

Now, quiet, Skinny. Why don't you get a pair of snowshoes? What does he need snowshoes for? When he takes a bath, he won't slide down the drain. No, that's no way to talk. Oh, no. When he gets undressed, it's like unveiling a golf stick. No, no, no, no, no, no. He's so skinny, he has to put a bell on his tonsils to prove he's breathing.

[Bud Abbott]

Just a minute, Costello. You're always making fun of my physique. You should see my chest expansion.

[Lou Costello]

Yeah, go on, Ken. Sure. Take a deep breath. All right, add up, boy. No more, Ken. Deeper. That's it. Deeper. More air. See it?

[Bud Abbott]

Guess I breathed too deep.

[Lou Costello]

Look, Niles, if that wife of yours only fed you some meat, you wouldn't fall apart that day.

[Bud Abbott]

Oh, yeah? Well, look, my wife doesn't have to. I'm a veggie vegetarian. I'm crazy about vegetables.

[Lou Costello]

You must be to be married to that old tomato. I heard that remark, Costello.

[Bud Abbott]

Ah, now, don't fret, darling. I'll tell him. Costello, I'll have you know my wife is a striking woman.

[Lou Costello]

And you got the black and blue march to prove it. Now, Costello, you have to admit that Mrs. Niles has a winning smile. Yeah, and a losing face. Oh, is that so? I'll have you know my picture has.

[Claire Trevor]

Been on many a cover.

[Lou Costello]

Magazine or manhole. How old you behave yourself. I ain't doing nothing. Now, now, be nice.

[Matilda]

How dare you talk that way. Why, men throw their hearts at my feet, flows at my feet, gifts at my feet.

[Lou Costello]

What have your feet got that you haven't got? Now, wait a minute. This isn't getting the meat problem solved. You see, Mrs. Niles, before you came in, we were discussing the meat. Shorty.

[Matilda]

Oh, that doesn't affect me. I get my meat by the pound.

[Lou Costello]

Next time you pass the pound, get me some.

[Matilda]

I do not eat dog meat.

[Lou Costello]

You don't, huh? Here, Queenie.

[Matilda]

Come on, Queenie, please, please.

[Claire Trevor]

Now stop that.

[Lou Costello]

Here, Queenie, come here.

[Matilda]

You stop that right away.

[Lou Costello]

Right. Oh, Costello, please, will you behave yourself? Leave Mrs. Niles alone. Now, don't tell me what to do, Abbott. I'm gonna get some meat if I have to go out and hunt it myself. Come in. Hello, Costello. I just overheard that you were going hunting and I thought I'd drop in and say hello. I'm the game warden up in the woods. My name's Boone. Mr. Boone. That's it. Boom, boom, boom. Hiya, Boone. I know your sister, Math. It's a very good idea to go hunting for meat. Everybody's there to meet. Even Old Mother Hubbard. Old Mother Hubbard went to the cupboard to get a dog a bone. And when she got there, the bone was there, so she ate it. My name's Boone. Boone Boom. Was your mother ever frightened by a broken record? I know a comb, too. Boone. This little piggy went to the market. This little piggy stayed home. This little piggy got roast beef. She know the butcher. Well, list. Mr. Boone, are there any restrictions on hunting up in your woods? Well, you can't go shooting all the animals. You see, they have just as much right to live as I. Even more. And now to the rules. Are you, Luke Costello, going hunting with Bert Abbott? Yes. Then kindly step forward. Do you both promise to honor and obey the hunting laws of the state?

[Bud Abbott]

I do.

[Lou Costello]

I do. And do you both further promise to love and cherish the grandeur of nature? I do. I do. And in the event of danger, do you solemnly promise to protect each other until death do you part? I do.

[Claire Trevor]

Very well.

[Lou Costello]

Then I now pronounce you man and wife. The name is Boom. Boom. Boom. Boom. Boom. Man and wife. Well, Abbott, ain't you going to kiss me?

[Ken Niles]

Get out of here.

[Bud Abbott]

Hey, bud. Abbott, don't go away.

[Lou Costello]

Yes, then, Bud.

[Bud Abbott]

Look, do you know anything about flying?

[Lou Costello]

Sure I do. I was flying even when I was a little kid. You?

[Bud Abbott]

Really? Yeah.

[Lou Costello]

I jumped off the roof with an umbrella and I stayed in the air for three hours.

[Bud Abbott]

Oh, wait a minute. How could you stay in the air for three hours?

[Lou Costello]

My pants got caught on the drainpipe.

[Bud Abbott]

A ripping joke. No, but look, I'm talking about real flying. Like trying to tear the wings off an experimental ship in a power dive. Stuff like that is just meat and potatoes for Red Hulks. The Curtiss test pilot who tried out the Navy's amazing new dive bomber. And whether it's planes or cigarettes, Red Hult likes to test things out for himself. He said, quote, I picked Camels after I'd smoked them long enough to know that they were the only brand that suited me best on all accounts. They're really easy on my throat and they give me that full, rich taste I like. Unquote. Yes, with men in all the services, Camel is the favorite. According to actual sales records in post exchanges and canteens, you're in good company. When you smoke Camel, you're joining thousands of men and women who have been smoking them for more than 25 years. Smoking Camels, the cigarette we believe more people have been smoking longer than any Other loyalty like that proves Camel's character, the thing that makes you like Camels more. With every pack you smoke, you can find out about character for yourself in your T zone. T for taste and T for throat, your own proving ground. For flavor and milder, you'll find that Camels have more flavor and it's extra flavor that helps them to wear well pack after pack. Camels are extra mild too because they're slow burning and cool smoking. For steady smoking, stick to Camels the cigarette that's expertly blended of costlier tobaccos. C A M E L S Camel. Get a fact tonight, you'll want to buy a carton tomorrow. Freddie Ricks's orchestra and the Camel 5 introduced the title song from Dick Powell's new picture. Happy Go Lucky.

[Connie Haynes]

Can this be me feeling so happy go lucky? Looking in your hat to go lucky can this me feeling so have to go lucky who always acting so smart and wild can this be missing and more? Everything's a key Follow your hand with a happy go lucky way well, if it's me feeling so happy go lucky Pardon me while I give forgives to say Heaven let this happy go lucky.

[Lou Costello]

Day.

[Connie Haynes]

Well, if it's me feeling so happy go lucky Pardon me while I give the gift to say Heaven will bless me happy.

[Lou Costello]

Well, here we are, Costello. The Fine Tree hunting lodge in the heart of the Northwood. How you ought to be able to shoot plenty of meat up here, I don't know. Rabbit. It's too cold up here. Let's get back to town. I want to get my spine defrosted. Don't be silly. This is invigorating. It isn't cold. It isn't cold? Certainly not. I just saw a squirrel going down a road wearing a silver fox. Oh, come on. What's the matter with your eyesight? That's nonsense. Right behind him was a rabbit wearing ear muffs. Oh, now what's it happen? Come on, rabbit.

[Claire Trevor]

Rabbit.

[Lou Costello]

Somebody. I don't know. Never mind, I. Oh, next page. Next. Well, come on, let's get our things unpacked. Did you bring my red hunting jacket, I hope. No, you dummy. I can't go hunting without a red jacket. Now you know. Don't worry. Don't worry. You'll have a red jacket. I will? Yeah. I brought your Plum beach shoot and four bottles of ketchup. Well, anyhow, I sense it. For a guy to take us hunting, I wish he'd get here. I'm dying for a piece of venison. Venison? Sure. That's Dear me. Wouldn't you like to shoot a buck, dear? I haven't got a buck, honey. Look, I'm talking about hunting. Haven't you ever hunted before? Oh, sure. I caught a mink that shot nine bucks in 15 minutes. Now, that's ridiculous. How could you shoot nine bucks in 15 minutes? Did you ever go out with a hungry blonde? Sure. I. I should say nine. Oh, skip it. And get that suitcase untied. Hey, wait a minute. Wait a minute. Sounds like a mouse in that suitcase. Open it up. It's a mouse, all right.

[Matilda]

And I'm only three and a half years old.

[Lou Costello]

Hey, it's that kid again. It's. Yeah.

[Bud Abbott]

Oh, boy.

[Lou Costello]

Oh, boy. Hey, Matilda. Now, look, there's no place for a little girl. A girl, a burl, whatever it is. Why don't they make bigger types? All right, never mind that now. Be nice. There's a lot of wild animals up here.

[Matilda]

I'm not afraid of animals. My daddy's an elk.

[Lou Costello]

Elk? Matilda, that kind of an elk isn't an animal.

[Matilda]

You never saw my daddy.

[Lou Costello]

Why don't you stick your head in a bear trap and don't let go? Costella, how can you be so unkind to that child? She has a good head on her. Her head in the back would start a softball game.

[Matilda]

Uncle Louie, can I go hunting with you? I know how to handle animals. Once I grabbed a cow by the horn.

[Lou Costello]

Now, Matilda, behave. A cow hasn't any horns.

[Matilda]

No wonder I got milk.

[Bud Abbott]

Matilda.

[Lou Costello]

Matilda, how can you be so stupid? Now, Costella, Matilda's just a child. Her brain is developing. Yeah, too little and too late.

[Matilda]

Uncle Louie, Uncle Louie, I want to go hunting with you. I want to pull a bear's tail.

[Lou Costello]

No, you don't. If you pull a bear's tail, it will bite you.

[Matilda]

No, it won't.

[Lou Costello]

And why not?

[Matilda]

Bears don't bite with that ant.

[Lou Costello]

Look, Matilda, will you do us a favor, please? Just run along and don't bother us. Now, the guy that's going to be here soon to take us hunting, and Uncle Louie and I have to unpack.

[Matilda]

Well, before I go, Uncle Louie, can I do my animal impersonation?

[Lou Costello]

Okay. Anything at all. What is it? It goes like this.

[Matilda]

Kiss ouch. Kiss ouch. Kiss ouch.

[Lou Costello]

Wait a minute. Watch that. Kiss Ouch.

[Matilda]

That's two porcupines necking.

[Lou Costello]

Will you get out of here? I'd like to find out who Matilda's rider is. Not Bennett. What's the matter now? For a minute, that kid. I thought I was 103 and a half years old. 100. Three and a half. Wait a minute. That must be the guide now. Come in.

[Claire Trevor]

Howdy, fellows. I'm your hunting guide.

[Lou Costello]

Hey, Abbott, it's a dame. Quiet. Certainly. Don't you recognize her? It's Claire Tre. Now, wait a minute, Ms. Trevor. We weren't a spectant girl. We thought a man was gonna lead us.

[Claire Trevor]

Well, didn't you ever follow a woman before?

[Lou Costello]

Well, once I followed a woman who used to catch me papper. No, another guy beat me to her. Now, don't talk like that.

[Claire Trevor]

Oh, that's all right, Mr. Abbott. You know, my sister thinks Costello is the best comedian on the air.

[Lou Costello]

Oh, gee, thanks. I'd like to meet her.

[Claire Trevor]

Well, you can't. We never let her out of the attic.

[Lou Costello]

What a clever Trevor, that Stella. Behave now, Ms. Trevor.

[Claire Trevor]

Oh, won't you call me Claire?

[Freddie Rich]

We interrupt this program to bring you an important Wayfair message. Wayfair's got style tips for every home. This is Nicole Byer helping you make those rooms Flyer today's style tip. When it comes to making a statement, treat bold patterns like neutrals, go wild like an untamed animal. Print area rug under a rustic farmhouse table from wayfair.com. ooh, be this has been your Wayfair style tip to keep those interiors superior.

[Ken Niles]

Wayfair, every style, every home.

[Lou Costello]

Well, will you call me bud? Will you call me when this is all over? By the way, Claire, how did you happen to become a guy handling guns and rifles?

[Claire Trevor]

Well, you see, in pictures, I used to be a gangster's mole.

[Lou Costello]

Mole? The word is mouth.

[Claire Trevor]

I know, but I can't get a laugh with Mo.

[Lou Costello]

That takes Jeremy. All right, all right, now just take it easy. No remarks, Costello. You see, Claire, the reason we came up here in the woods is because of the meat shortage. Costello wants to do a little hunting. Oh, really?

[Claire Trevor]

What's your favorite animal?

[Lou Costello]

Roast beef. Costello, people don't hunt roast beef. What was that line in front of the butchers this morning? Termites. All right, all right. Now, just let it go at that. Take it easy.

[Claire Trevor]

All right, boys, let's get to the hunting trip. Now, you start out at 5:00 in the morning. You trap for 15 miles with a pack on your back, a lilt in your voice, a song in your soul.

[Lou Costello]

And a blister on my heels. We should reach the mountain by noon, don't you think, Claire?

[Claire Trevor]

Yes, that's about right. And 12 to one we climb the mountain.

[Lou Costello]

Well, to one, I don't make must Be beautiful on top of the mountain, Claire.

[Claire Trevor]

Oh, it is. And you can listen to your echo. You simply say, hello. And then the echo says, hello.

[Lou Costello]

Sociable, ain't it?

[Claire Trevor]

And then I yell again, how are you? And the echo comes back, how are you? And then I say, it's a nice day.

[Lou Costello]

Say, Claire. Yes? Do you enjoy that sort of thing? Quiet, Godzilla. Go ahead. All right, never mind. Please.

[Connie Haynes]

Happy New Year.

[Lou Costello]

Merry Christmas. No, no, no, no. Nothing of the kind. No echoes, huh?

[Bud Abbott]

Echoes, Echoes.

[Lou Costello]

Maybe Claire enjoys the many you don't. So just keep quiet. Go ahead. I like your class. Not a class. Not those things. This is entirely different. Now, behave.

[Claire Trevor]

Oh, it's very exciting.

[Lou Costello]

Yes.

[Claire Trevor]

And as you're standing there, suddenly you.

[Lou Costello]

Hear a loud roar.

[Claire Trevor]

And through the brush comes the most ferocious bear in the world. Oh, grizzly celo. You rush up and grab him with your bare hands.

[Lou Costello]

What kind of a fool do you think I am?

[Claire Trevor]

Why are there different kind?

[Lou Costello]

Costello, what would you do in the face of such danger? Why, I'll do what I did once before. What do you mean? A bear was coming at me. No. I picked up my gun, he did. And with one bullet, I shot him in a foot. Knocked all his teeth out. Now, wait a minute. How could you knock all his teeth out if you shot him in the foot? He was biting his nails.

[Bud Abbott]

Here's Connie Haynes of the Camel 5 with a sparkling tune from Paramount, Star Spangled Rhythm. Doing it for defense.

[Ken Niles]

Mr. Bone gets it right I'm your day for tonight but when I hold you tight I'm doing it for defense Months and months you've been thrilled now it's time you were thrilled Start from here, then rebuild I'm doing it for defense if you kiss my lips and you feel me respond it's because I just can't afford a bond if you think you carry Grandfather, Relax. You just receive it on my income tax. Don't be hurt don't get sore I'm a pal, nothing more this ain't love this is war I'm doing it for the expanse don't be hurt don't get so I'm a pal, nothing more this ain't love this is what, Mr. Don't take offense. Doing it at my expense for all of. Uncle Sammy.

[Connie Haynes]

Just finished.

[Lou Costello]

Costello. What are you shooting at? We haven't sighted any game yet. It says in my hunting book, if you get cold, take a couple of shots.

[Claire Trevor]

Yeah, but you almost hit me. What's the matter?

[Ken Niles]

Eyes bad.

[Bud Abbott]

What?

[Lou Costello]

Claire?

[Claire Trevor]

Eyes bad. Izu.

[Lou Costello]

Izu. A bad girl. No, Izu. Ms. Trevor's trying to pick up some animal tracks.

[Bud Abbott]

Follow her.

[Lou Costello]

Okay. Hey, Claire, that's a nice bustle you're wearing.

[Claire Trevor]

That's no bustle. A knapsack slip. Oh, say, my dog must be on the trail or something.

[Lou Costello]

Hey. Hey.

[Freddie Rich]

Go away.

[Lou Costello]

Go away. Get him away from me. Be careful of that dog, Costello. It's an air, Dale. I know. I can feel the air.

[Claire Trevor]

Oh, dear. I suppose I should have brought a muzzle.

[Lou Costello]

A mussel muzzle. So you should have brought a muzzle. Why, do you bite too? Ah, yeah. I'll stop these remarks, Costello. Claire's dog is very intelligent. He certainly is.

[Claire Trevor]

And I'll prove it to you. Roger. Roger, how much is one and one? Good. How much is two and two?

[Lou Costello]

Hey, what a smart dog. Hey, Roger, what time is it? Half past five. That ain't a hunting dog, that's a watchdog. Thank you. You're welcome. What about cooking?

[Claire Trevor]

Well, boys, you better get your guns loaded. We may come across some game any minute.

[Lou Costello]

Your gun loaded, Costello? Yeah.

[Claire Trevor]

Wait a minute. Look, there's a wild turkey over there.

[Lou Costello]

Hey, Abbott, a turkey. A real turkey. I'm finally gonna get something to eat. All right, take it easy now. Sight your gun. Now ready, Aim. Mustn't shoot the bird when it's back his turn. I'm the warden named Boom Boom Boom.

[Claire Trevor]

Just a second, warden. I'm the guide. And Mr. Costello isn't doing anything wrong.

[Lou Costello]

Yes, he is. That's too large a gun for such a small bird. Naughty, naughty names. Boom Boom Boom.

[Ken Niles]

Hey, Boom Boom Boom.

[Lou Costello]

Wait a minute. Can I use a bow and arrow? Oh, no, that was too sharp. Too sharp? Then can I use a slingshot? No, that would bruise the bird. Do you mind if I just give him a dirty look? Hey, wait a minute. There's a whole flock of ducks getting up out of the water. Oh, yes.

[Claire Trevor]

You stand in the middle, tough fellow.

[Lou Costello]

In the middle. And let you two shoot over me?

[Claire Trevor]

Yes, and I'll take the hy birds.

[Lou Costello]

And I'll take the low birds. And I'll be in the hospital. Before you say, Claire, isn't that bear tracks over there across the stream?

[Claire Trevor]

Yes, I think so. Go ahead, Costello, jump across the stream.

[Lou Costello]

Okay. Hey, help. Help. The water's cold inside. Cold?

[Claire Trevor]

My hands are freezing. Put them in your pocket.

[Lou Costello]

Okay. That's no good. I keep going down. Will you help me? I'm promised. I'm going down for the fifth time. Three times is the limit, dad. I've just set a new record. Here, give me your hand. I'd better carry you across.

[Claire Trevor]

All right, dear. But if you try to kiss me, I'll call for Mother.

[Lou Costello]

Oh, goody, she's getting a girl for me.

[Claire Trevor]

Quiet, boys. Look. See how these bear tracks go right into that cave? I think we'll find our grizzly inside.

[Lou Costello]

Yes, I see two eyes shining in the dark. Step aside, Abbott. I'll get him. Come on in there, you old grizzly. I'm gonna shoot. Come on out.

[Matilda]

Don't shoot. I'm only three and a half years old.

[Lou Costello]

This kid can get in my hair. More time. Matilda. What are you doing in this cave?

[Matilda]

I went in there to catch this little pussycat. It's a whip. Whip.

[Lou Costello]

Snap.

[Claire Trevor]

No, no, little girl. That's a skunk.

[Matilda]

That's what I said, a whip.

[Lou Costello]

Listen, Matilda, you better get out of here. Go on back to the cabin.

[Matilda]

But what if I meet a very ferocious animal?

[Lou Costello]

He'll have to take care of himself. Go on, beat it.

[Claire Trevor]

Hey, boys, come here. You know, I think the bear has already been in this cave. Here's a piece of fur off his coat.

[Lou Costello]

Coat? You mean a bear wears a coat? Now, you dummy. Pelt. Hide. Hide. Why should I hide?

[Claire Trevor]

He means hide. Hide. The bear's outside.

[Lou Costello]

Let him stay outside. We don't want him in here.

[Claire Trevor]

Oh, come on, let's get moving. We've got to find our grizzly before it gets dark. You know, there's another cave about 10 miles from here.

[Lou Costello]

10 miles? Yeah.

[Claire Trevor]

Let's walk fast. Well, here we are.

[Lou Costello]

We surely got here fast, didn't we?

[Claire Trevor]

Yeah, well, we had to. This is only a five minute sketch.

[Lou Costello]

Oh, say, listen, there's something over there. Look, it's a wolf. Now wait a minute. That's Ken Niles. What's the idea, Niles? You can't be a wolf.

[Claire Trevor]

Why not? He's from Hollywood.

[Lou Costello]

Hey, what's going on here? I thought I was gonna do some hunting.

[Claire Trevor]

Oh, Costello, look. There's a little beaver down in the stream.

[Lou Costello]

Isn't he cute? I wonder what the little beaver's doing. Probably waiting for Red Ryder. Red Ryder? Why don't you try some beaver meat, Costello? Okay, hand me my gun. I'm Boom boom boom. Must you shoot the little beaver? Fur tax, $50. After all, beavers build. Darns. You mean dens. Swearing tax, $40.

[Claire Trevor]

You better pay Costello 40 bucks.

[Lou Costello]

Don't make me laugh. Laugh. Amusement tax, $20. Hey, Abbott, hand me my gun. Oh, don't you remember? I'm the game warden. Boon, boon, boon. Ooh, you were the game warden. Costello, that was a terrible thing you did.

[Claire Trevor]

Yes, Costello, now you're in real trouble.

[Lou Costello]

You said it. I don't know how to cook. A game warden.

[Bud Abbott]

Land and sea and in the air it's camels. Camels first were the men in the Army. Camels first with a man in the Navy. Camels first with the men in the Marine Corps. Camels first with the men in the Coast Guard. Yes, with men in all the services. Camel is the favorite, according to actual sales records in post exchanges and canteens. Remember that whether you're buying cigarettes to send to men in the service or to smoke yourself. Camels have the flavor, extra flavor that helps them to hold up pack after pack, no matter how many you smoke. And Camels have the extra mildness, slow burning and cruel smoking that go with costlier tobaccos. Extra sparkly blender for steady smoking. Stick to Camels your throat and your taste will tell you C A M P L S Camels get a pack tonight. Send the carton to that fellow in the service. And remember, you can still send Camels to Army personnel in the United States and to men in the Navy, Marines or Coast Guard, wherever they are. The post office rule against mailing packages applies only to those sentences to the overseas Army. Before we hear from Abbott and Costello again, here is an important announcement from our government. For every young woman between the ages of 18 and 35, your country is facing a shortage of nurses. A shortage so serious that the safety of our war wounded and the health of our civilians are in grave danger. Mid year classes for student nurses are being formed now. Every student nurse will immediately help to free train nurses for overseas duty. Because students start hospital work right away. Women who are unable to afford tuition may apply for scholarships. Here's what you do. If you are a citizen between 18 and 35, graduated from high school and in good health, write today to Student Nurses, Box 88, New York City. And now, here's Bud Abbott and Lou Costello again.

[Lou Costello]

Thanks, Ken. Ladies and gentlemen, next Thursday night our program will be broadcast from the Navy Receiving Station at San Pedro, California. So to Captain Feynman and his staff and to my fine friends Chaplain Bennett and Lieutenant Commander Myers. Thanks for the invitation and we'll all be seeing you next week. And our guest will be Betty Hutton. So good night, everybody. Good night.

[Bud Abbott]

Remember, Campbell presents four great radio shows each week. Campbell Caravan tomorrow night, Bob Hawk on Saturday. Monday night it's GR Next Thursday night, Abbot and Costello with Betty Hutton. Claire Trapper, who appeared with us this evening, will soon be seen in Columbia Pictures forthcoming Technicolor film the Desperados. And now this is Ken Niles reminding you to hear the Campbell Caravan tomorrow night and wishing you all a pleasant good night from Hollywood. Say, Mr. Pipe Smoker, how does your tongue feel after smoking a couple of good long pipe fulls? If it feels uncomfortable, why not switch to Prince Albert, the pipe tobacco. That's no bite treated for cool tongue, happy smoking comfort. Pennsylvania is crimp cut too, and that means it's easy to pack, easy to keep lit and easy to draw. And remember, there are around 50 mild, rich tasting Piper folds to every handy pocket package of Prince Albert. Try PA or pipe appeal. It's the National Joy Smoke. This is the National Broadcasting Company.