Abbott & Costello 43-12-16 (043) – "The Wild West" with Lynn Bari

Podcast: Harold's Old Time Radio
Date Aired: January 4, 2026 (Original Show: December 16, 1943)
Guest Star: Lynn Bari
Summary by: Harold’s Old Time Radio

Episode Overview

In this classic episode, Bud Abbott and Lou Costello bring their signature slapstick to the Old West, joined by guest star Lynn Bari, celebrated actress of 20th Century Fox. The show follows Costello's frantic attempts to prepare for an on-air love scene with Bari, gets sidetracked by Butcher Meyer’s crisis, and culminates in a wild, pun-filled Western radio play. The episode is packed with witty banter, vaudevillian one-liners, and pokes fun at Hollywood Westerns, all while playfully subverting romantic tropes.

Key Discussion Points and Comedy Segments

1. Costello Prepares to Woo Lynn Bari (00:52–02:59)

• Costello is excited to meet Lynn Bari and is desperate to look his best, describing an outlandishly colorful suit:
  • "The coat is red with green stripes. It's got pink lapels and orange buttons." (00:26 – Lou Costello)
• Abbott mocks Costello’s sense of style and suggests he borrow one of Abbott’s suits, but these turn out to be equally problematic, rife with moth holes and questionable stains.
• Classic one-liners around clothing:
  • "Yellow pants? They clash with my purple shoes." (01:39 – Lou Costello)
  • "I can't. Why not? My red underwear won't match my lavender vest." (01:55 – Costello & Abbott)

2. Supporting Characters and Running Gags (03:53–06:15)

• Arrival of Mrs. Niles leads to a volley of good-natured insults about her long neck and aristocratic lineage:
  • "Last time I saw a neck like that, a jockey was bending over it from iron, shouting." (04:11 – Costello)
  • Mrs. Niles retorts about Costello's weight: "I saw you fall down yesterday and you rocked yourself to sleep trying to get up." (04:43)
• The Butcher Meyer seeks Costello’s help, drawing Costello away from his upcoming love scene with Lynn Bari.

3. Meyer’s Butcher Shop Antics (08:36–11:32)

• Abbott and Costello fill in at the butcher shop, resulting in farcical confusion:
  • "Me dress the chickens? Why should I? They’re all enough to dress themselves." (08:45 – Costello)
  • Mistaken instructions about ducks in the icebox and Costello’s refusal to "duck."
• Running gags with Meyer:
  • “Mrs. Jones sent back the Christmas turkey you sold her. She says it only has one leg.” (09:30 – Costello)
  • “What does she want to do, eat it or dance with it?” (09:35 – Meyer)

4. Meeting Lynn Bari at the Butcher Shop (11:49–13:29)

• Lynn Bari arrives, bemused at the chaotic setting:
  • "Where else would I look for a fat meatball?" (12:12 – Lynn Bari)
• Costello and Bari riff on butcher-themed takes of classic plays and films:
  • "Did you ever hear of Hamlet, the Merchant of Venison?... Guadalcanal Dairy. Boy, did I milk that one." (12:22–12:45 – Costello)

5. The Art of Wooing—with a 1940s Hollywood Spin (13:56–14:36)

• Abbott lays out the elaborate steps needed to court a star like Lynn Bari: Roll out a Rolls Royce, buy orchids, fancy dinners, theater, and nightclubs – an escalating list of expenses.
• Costello’s punchline:
  • "Stop the car. What for? I want to stop at the finance company and make a loan." (14:23 – Costello)

6. The Wild West Radio Play (17:41–24:06)

• Parody Western Play: ‘Saga of the Adventurous West—The Life of Buffalo Bill’
  • Cast: Buffalo Bill Costello, Buckskin Abbott, Chief Flatfoot, and Lynn Bari as a Western gal ‘Cross Eyes.’
• Highlights of the Play:
  • Slapstick and puns about the West, including dud ranches and no women (“No, I said ‘dud’—no women.” 18:49)
  • Parody “Indian” dialogue from Chief Flatfoot and Costello’s nonsense “Indian speak”:
    • "How moolah, Gullah, pala mula. ... Something went wrong with my typewriter." (20:38–20:48 – Costello)
  • Costello’s marriage proposal and a wild twist:
    • "I've taken care of that, Cross-eyed. I married your mother, so now I'm your father. So listen, daughter, you have my consent to marry me as soon as I can get a divorce from your old lady, your mother." (22:52–23:04 – Costello)

7. The Surprise “Crisis” Resolution (23:21–24:06)

• Meyer returns hilariously after his wife’s crisis:
  • "Girls with white uniforms are rushing in and out…everything fine. Wonderful. Sophie is resting...The most beautiful permanent wave you ever saw." (23:32–23:54 – Meyer)

8. The Play’s Abrupt Ending and Curtain Call (26:57–27:29)

• Lynn Bari asks for the play's real ending:
  • "Oh, it was a terrific finish. I'm standing on a hill all alone. 10,000 blood curdling Indians are coming at me."
  • As numbers dwindle, Costello reveals: "So I killed the old squaw power and squad. Let me out of here. Let us all out of here. Good night, folks." (27:14–27:20)
• Mrs. Niles closes with a loving shout-out:
  "Good night, neighbors. Good night to everybody in Patterson, New Jersey. Good night, Uncle Marty." (27:29)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• "Yeah, but who wants to park in the dark with a shark?" – Lou Costello (01:12)
• “Yellow pants? They clash with my purple shoes.” – Lou Costello (01:39)
• "Me dress the chickens? Why should I? They're all enough to dress themselves." – Lou Costello (08:45)
• "Where else would I look for a fat meatball?" – Lynn Bari (12:12)
• "Did you ever hear of Hamlet, the Merchant of Venison?...Guadalcanal Dairy. Boy, did I milk that one." – Lou Costello (12:22–12:45)
• "You don't want a leading man. You want a street cleaner." – Lou Costello (13:36)
• "Stop the car. What for? I want to stop at the finance company and make a loan." – Lou Costello (14:23)
• "Oh, F Squad. I used to hunt bar down there every year." – Lou Costello (18:29)
• "I've taken care of that, Cross-eyed. I married your mother, so now I'm your father...as soon as I can get a divorce from your old lady, your mother." – Lou Costello (22:52)
• "The most beautiful permanent wave you ever saw." – Meyer, after all the tension about his wife's "crisis" (23:54)
• "Let me out of here. Let us all out of here. Good night, folks." – Lou Costello (27:20)

Key Timestamps

• 00:52–03:53 – Costello’s suit dilemma and clothing silliness
• 04:11–04:43 – Insult battle between Costello and Mrs. Niles
• 08:36–09:54 – Butcher shop routines and phone gags with Meyer
• 11:49–12:12 – Lynn Bari arrives; "finds" Costello at butcher shop
• 13:56–14:36 – “How to court Lynn Bari” and Costello’s financial punchline
• 17:41–24:06 – The Sagebrush Saga: Buffalo Bill play segment with wild West tropes
• 23:32–23:54 – Meyer's Big News: the “permanent wave”
• 27:04–27:29 – Bari asks for the play’s ending; Costello delivers the final gag

Episode Tone and Style

This episode typifies Abbott and Costello’s classic wordplay, quick-fire insult comedy, and irreverent treatment of genre conventions. It pokes gentle fun at 1940s Hollywood, radio traditions, and Western clichés. The pace is brisk, with banter dominating each scene, and the cast frequently breaks the fourth wall.

For classic radio fans or newcomers alike, this episode captures the vintage charm and madcap laughter of Golden Age comedy, wrapped in a Western spoof and lightened by sparkling guest interplay with Lynn Bari.