Abbott & Costello 43-12-16 The Wild West with Lynn Bari

Summary

Detailed Summary: Abbott & Costello 43-12-16 The Wild West with Lynn Bari

Harold's Old Time Radio presents Episode 43-12-16, titled "The Wild West with Lynn Bari," featuring the beloved comedy duo Abbott and Costello alongside guest star Lynn Bari. Released on April 20, 2025, this episode transports listeners to the Golden Age of Radio, blending classic humor with a Wild West adventure.

---

Introduction and Setting the Stage (00:01 - 05:38)

The episode begins with a series of advertisements typical of the era, promoting brands like Wayfair and Campbell's. These segments set the nostalgic tone before introducing Bud Abbott and Lou Costello.

At [01:22], the main content kicks off with Bud and Lou preparing for a broadcast featuring Lynn Bari. Lou is in a panic about getting dressed appropriately for the show:

• Bud Abbott (01:22): "Tonight we're having Lynn Barry as our guest star. And I'm gonna make love to her."
• Lou Costello (02:06): "I suppose you're going to wear yellow pants."

Their comedic struggle revolves around Lou's mismatched and flamboyant wardrobe, leading to a humorous exchange about fashion disasters. Bud attempts to help Lou find a suitable suit, resulting in a series of funny misunderstandings and exaggerated fashion critiques.

---

The Butcher Shop Crisis (05:38 - 16:54)

As Bud and Lou navigate their wardrobe issues, Meyer's urgent call introduces a new conflict. Meyer, the local butcher, is facing a personal crisis with his wife, Sophie, and desperately needs Bud and Lou to manage his butcher shop temporarily.

• Meyer (05:38): "Today is the day, and I gotta be by her side."
• Lou Costello (05:27): "I'll have to go outside and ask a little woman."

Despite their reluctance, Bud agrees to help, leading to a series of comedic mishaps in the butcher shop. Lou struggles with tasks like dressing chickens and handling orders, while Bud tries to maintain some semblance of order.

Notable Moments:

• Handling Orders:
  • Lou Costello (11:05): "I want 20 cents worth of dog meat."
  • Bud Abbott (11:14): "Shall I wrap it up or do you want to eat it here?"

This mix-up between "duck" and "dog" meat showcases their signature humor based on misunderstandings.

• Customer Interactions:
  • Lou Costello (05:12): "I saw you fall down yesterday and you rocked yourself to sleep trying to get up."
  • Bud Abbott (05:14): "I'm not fat."

The duo navigates quirky customers like Mrs. Niles, whose peculiar orders add to the chaos and laughter.

---

Transition to the Wild West Play (16:54 - 24:12)

With the butcher shop subplot reaching its peak, the focus shifts to Abbott and Costello preparing for their main feature: a Wild West play starring Lynn Bari as Cross Eyes, an Indian girl.

• Bud Abbott (18:26): "It's a great story, Abbott. It's about Buffalo Bill and the Wild West. Can you play a Western gal, Ms. Barry?"

Lynn Bari steps in to guide them through their roles, leading to a meta-theatrical performance where Abbott and Costello embody characters within a play. This segment blends their real-life antics with scripted Wild West tropes, creating a layered comedic experience.

Key Highlights:

• Character Development:

  • Buffalo Bill (Bud Abbott): A rugged Western hero with exaggerated bravado.
  • Buckskin Abbott (also Bud): A sidekick character that plays off of Buffalo Bill's antics.
  • Cross Eyes (Lynn Bari): The intended romantic interest, who brings a touch of class and wit to the interactions.

• Humorous Dialogues:

  • Lou Costello (19:05): "Sounds Fawn squaw to me."
  • Bud Abbott (23:02): "Me strong. Me not wear shoes. Me not wear clothes."

These lines exemplify their playful mockery of Western stereotypes, blending slapstick humor with witty exchanges.

---

Climax and Resolution of the Play (24:12 - 28:28)

The Wild West play reaches its climax as Buffalo Bill and Buckskin Abbott confront an impending attack from Native Americans. The tension builds with dramatic music and sound effects, only to be undercut by Abbott and Costello's characteristic humor.

• Buffalo Bill (Bud Abbott, 23:52): "If you hear a shot, get in front of me."
• Lou Costello (24:08): "I'm back. Oh, boy, what a Play."

As the fictional conflict unfolds, Meyer returns to the butcher shop, revealing that his wife Sophie is recovering, thereby resolving both the butcher shop crisis and the play's narrative simultaneously.

Notable Conclusion:

• Bud Abbott (28:00): "1,000 screaming savages. So I killed the old squaw power and squad."
• Lou Costello (28:09): "Let me out of here."

This abrupt and exaggerated resolution typifies their humor, blending the dramatic with the absurd to elicit laughs.

---

Final Words and Closing (28:28 - 29:30)

The episode wraps up with final remarks and credits, interspersed with more advertisements, including promotions for Camel cigarettes and Prince Albert pipes.

• Bud Abbott (29:03): "More pipes smoke Prince Albert than any other tobacco in the whole world. Remember that."

Before signing off, Abbott and Costello exchange a few last humorous lines, maintaining their charming rapport:

• Lou Costello (28:32): "Good night, Uncle Marty."
• Bud Abbott (28:32): "Good night to everybody in Patterson, New Jersey."

---

Key Takeaways and Insights

1. Classic Comedy Dynamics:

   • Abbott and Costello's interplay showcases their perfected timing and chemistry, essential elements that have made their partnership legendary in comedy history.

2. Situational Humor:

   • The episode adeptly uses everyday scenarios—like wardrobe malfunctions and managing a butcher shop—as backdrops for comedic exploration, turning mundane tasks into sources of laughter.

3. Meta-Theatrical Elements:

   • The inclusion of a play within the show adds a layer of complexity, allowing the duo to experiment with different comedic styles while still engaging the audience with familiar humor.

4. Guest Star Impact:

   • Lynn Bari's presence elevates the episode, providing a foil for Abbott and Costello's antics and enhancing the overall narrative with her role as Cross Eyes.

5. Timeless Appeal:

   • Despite being a product of its time, the humor remains accessible, appealing to both long-time fans and new listeners who appreciate classic radio comedy.

---

Conclusion

"Abbott & Costello 43-12-16 The Wild West with Lynn Bari" is a quintessential episode that encapsulates the essence of the Golden Age of Radio. Through a blend of situational comedy, witty dialogue, and dynamic character interactions, Abbott and Costello deliver an engaging and entertaining performance. The episode not only serves as a nostalgic throwback but also underscores the enduring legacy of these comedic icons.

Listeners are treated to a seamless mix of scripted play and improvisational humor, all while maintaining the charm and relatability that have kept Abbott and Costello beloved figures in entertainment history.

Transcript

[Styles MacKenzie]

We interrupt this program to bring you an important Wayfair message. Wayfair's got style tips for every home. This is Styles MacKenzie helping you make those rooms sing. Today's style tip. When it comes to making a statement, treat bold patterns like neutrals. Go wild like an untamed animal. Print area rug under a rustic Farmhouse table. From Wayfair.com. this has been your Wayfair style tip to keep those interiors superior.

[Lou Costello]

Wayfair.

[Bud Abbott]

Every style, every home.

[Ken Niles]

The Abbott and Costello program brought to you by Campbell's. The cigarette that's first in the service. Campbell's. Stay fresh because they're packed to go around the world. Listen to the music of Freddie Rich and his orchestra. The songs of Connie Hayes. Tonight's special guest star of the 20th Century Fox picture, Tamico, Ms. Lynn Barry. And starring Bud Abbott and Lou Cost.

[Bud Abbott]

Oh, boy, oh, boy, oh, boy. What's the matter? Hey, Abbott, come on, come on. Help me get dressed. Please. I gotta get to the broadcast right away. Take it easy. There's lots of time. What's the excitement? Excitement? Tonight we're having Lynn Barry as our guest star. And I'm gonna make love to her. Boy, oh, boy. All right. See, if I'm late, she might walk out on me. So what? Let her walk out. There's plenty of fish in the sea. Yeah, but who wants to park in the dark with a shark? Ah, never mind. Come on, get your clothes on and let's go. Okay, now, kid. Hey, this nabbit. I'm waiting for my new suit. Boy, it's gonna be beautiful. It is the most gorgeous suit you ever saw. Is that right? Yeah. The coat is red with green stripes. It's got pink lapels and orange buttons. Wait a minute. A red coat with green stripes, pink lapels and orange buttons?

[Lou Costello]

Yeah.

[Bud Abbott]

I suppose you're going to wear yellow pants. What? And have people stare at me? What do you think I am, having a dope? Yellow pants? Yeah, they clash with my purple shoes. The purple shoes, Charlie. I never heard of such a thing. Yellow pants. All right, all right. Drop the pants. I can't. Why not? My red underwear won't match my lavender vest. They are now. Don't be ridiculous. I wouldn't let you meet Lynn Barry in clothes like that. You'd better wear one of my suits. Here, I'll lend you my dress suit. That old thing? It's full of moth holes. Oh, there isn't a single moth in that suit. You said it. They're all married and got children. Now, wait a minute. Just A minute. We don't have any moth in our clothes closet no more. Say, now just open that closet door and see. Okay, I will. No more. See? All right, so there's one. One. That was the mother. Here comes the children. That last one was just hatched. That's a brand new baby moth. All right, forget about the moths. Here, look, I'll lend you one of my other suits. Now, let's see. There's the worsted, a plaid, a tweed. And that dark one is a twill. A twill? Certainly. Didn't you ever have a twill? Oh, sure. I get a big twill when I ride on the wallet Twist. Don't be silly. Awful Twilly. Here's just the suit for you. It belongs to my father. It's his dinner suit. There's a little breakfast on it, too. No, no, no, no, you dummy. This is his soup and fish. It looks like egg to me. Listen, Godzilla, when you lived at home, didn't your family dress for dinner? Why, certainly we dressed. What do you think we did? Come to the table in our underwear? Look, what's the matter with you? Didn't you ever wear dinner clothes? Yeah, I always wear pajamas. Pajamas are not dinner clothes. They are feet in bed. Now, that isn't what I mean. You see, as long as I can remember, the men in our family have always worn their tails to dinner. That's a very, very pretty picture. Yes, it is. Where I come from, a man with tails is called a gentleman. Where I come from, we call a monkey. I mean, after all, that's what they call them. Come in. Oh, Ken is. Say, Ken, Costello needs a suit in a hurry. Can he borrow yours?

[Ken Niles]

Well, I'll have to go outside and ask a little woman.

[Bud Abbott]

Little woman? Her neck alone is three feet long.

[Lou Costello]

I heard that remark, Costello. I'll have you know my neck is not long.

[Bud Abbott]

Oh, no. Last time I saw a neck like that, a jockey was bending over it from. I ain't smelting you.

[Lou Costello]

How dare you compare me to a horse. Why, I have an aristocratic face. My grandfather was a count.

[Bud Abbott]

You're right. Count Fleet.

[Lou Costello]

Kenneth, are you going to stand there and let Costello compare me to a horse?

[Ken Niles]

Nay, nay.

[Bud Abbott]

That was a very snappy part, Costello, with your appearance. You're a fine one to talk about, Mrs. Niles. Certainly.

[Lou Costello]

Just look at yourself, fat boy.

[Bud Abbott]

I'm not fat.

[Lou Costello]

Oh, no. I saw you fall down yesterday and you rocked yourself to sleep trying to get up.

[Bud Abbott]

Oh, now, now, look, let's stop this fighting. Look, Mrs. Niles Costello has to borrow a suit for the broadcast tonight.

[Ken Niles]

Yes, dear. May I lend him mine?

[Lou Costello]

Kenneth Niles, before I let you do that, I'd lock you up in the attic.

[Bud Abbott]

But gee, dear, you.

[Ken Niles]

You just let me out.

[Bud Abbott]

Come in. Hello, boys. Oh, it's my friend Meyer, the butcher. What's going on, Meyer? Oh, boy, William, am I excited. What is happening to me today shouldn't happen to two dogs. One dog couldn't handle it. Why? What's the matter? It's my wife, Sophie. After 10 years, it's going to happen. Today is the day, and I got to be by her side. So you gotta come over right away, Louie, and take care of my butcher shop, huh? Now, wait a minute, Meyer. I can't do that. We're gonna broadcast. I'm gonna do a love scene with Lynn Barry. But, Louis, would you rather do a love scene with Lynn Barry than Mind. Mind Butcher Sharp. Can a duck swim? That's a silly answer. You ask silly questions, you get silly answers, Costello. Come on, we have to get to the studio. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Think of my wife. Louie. You'll never do anything for me. Meyer, you shouldn't say that. Now I do. Now, five years ago, I gave you the money to open up the butcher shop. And when you were sick, I paid for the operation. Then, when the government was going to put you in jail, I paid your income tax. And six months ago, when your house was on fire, I ran into the burning building and saved your life. And you say I never do anything for you. Yeah, but what have you done for me lately?

[Ken Niles]

Freddie Rich plays a Cole Porter favorite. I've got you under my sk.

[Bud Abbott]

Well, Costella, you had to open your big mouth just because you want to help Meyer. We're stuck here in a butcher shop. But come on, we might as well get the orders out. You dress the chickens. Me dress the chickens? Why should I? They're old enough to dress themselves. No, I'll dress the chickens. You bring me the other foul. What foul? Duck. Why should I duck? I'm not ashamed to help Maya. No, I mean duck. Duck in the ice box. Why should I duck in the ice box? You duck in the ice box, you bitch. Now, here, take it easy. I'm glad to help my friend Meyer and his wonderful little woman. All right. I know what they're going through. Why, only last week, a little stranger came to live at our house. Really? Yes. My sister married a midget. Oh, come on, Costelli. You're impossible. Hello, Meyer's Butcher Shop. Hello, this is Meyer on the wire. Oh Meyer, how's the wife? Anything happened yet? No, Louie, it's a very slow process. A house, things by the shop. Oh listen Meyer, Mrs. Jones sent back the Christmas turkey you sold her. She says it only has one leg. What does she want to do, eat it or dance with her? Well, did Meyer say when he's coming back? Do you realize that Lynn Barry's probably at the studio now waiting for us. Now Abbott, this is more important. Let her wait. I got plenty of women waiting for me. 50, 60, 70. 50, 60, 70. Yes, and I wish I could find some a little younger. Oh, come on now, Abbott. Women and beautiful women always chase me. See? I don't know why you think I. I don't know. At any minute a gorgeous girl is apt to walk in that door.

[Lou Costello]

Oh, there you are, Costello. Oh, oh, so you want to borrow my Kenneth Sute. So you were going to make love to Lynn Berry, eh? And now I find you in a butcher shop, eh?

[Bud Abbott]

You're gonna run out of a coupons. Costello. For your information, Mrs. Niles is one of Myers best customers. Yeah. Now take her order. Huh? I said take her order. Take her order. Where did you come in with an order? Never mind that. Where do you want me to take it? Just take it. Somebody is lost.

[Lou Costello]

I, I, Mr. Costello.

[Bud Abbott]

Yes dear?

[Lou Costello]

I want 20 cents worth of dog meat.

[Bud Abbott]

Shall I wrap it up or do you want to eat it here?

[Lou Costello]

No wrap. Oh, oh, that's the last straw.

[Bud Abbott]

Now you see. Now look what you've done.

[Lou Costello]

Oh, I've never been so insulted in all my life. After all these years of trading with my eyes, I have to come in here and be humiliated.

[Bud Abbott]

It sounds good, Costello. Costello, don't stand there, apologize. Okay, come on Mrs. Niles. If I said anything to offend you, I'm glad of it. Costello. I said apologize. Okay. Mrs. Niles, I'm sorry I suggested that you eat the dog meat. Here. Is that better? That's much better. Wait until you get home, Costello.

[Lou Costello]

Oh, that's all. Cancel my order.

[Bud Abbott]

Well, you lost Mrs. Niles. Autocost devil. You'll have to change your slip. I can't have it. What do you mean you can't change your slip? I'm not wearing anything. Oh, oh, pardon me. Where do I find Lou Cusp? That ain't me, that's me.

[Lou Costello]

Pardon me, where do I find Lou Costello?

[Bud Abbott]

Here I am over by the Pickle Barrel.

[Lou Costello]

Well raise your hand so I'll know which one is you.

[Bud Abbott]

Hey Abbott, who is this? Fresh Name? Costello. Don't you recognize her? Lynn Barry. Gee, Ms. Barry, how did you ever know? And how did you ever find me in this butcher shop?

[Lou Costello]

Where else would I look for a fat meatball? See here, Costello, I'm supposed to do a play on your program tonight. Where do you expect to put it on? In this butcher shop?

[Bud Abbott]

And why not? Lots of plays were done about butcher shops. Did you ever hear of Hamlet? The Merchant of Venison? You ever hear of Baby's Irish Roast? Oh, come on, that's ridiculous. Oh, yeah, ridiculous, huh? How about the story about a hog pig million?

[Lou Costello]

That's crazy.

[Bud Abbott]

Crazy, huh? They even wrote a great picture about cows. What pictures? Guadalcanal Dairy. Boy, did I milk that one.

[Lou Costello]

Come to think of it, how about your last picture Hit the Eyes?

[Bud Abbott]

There was no meeting that one.

[Lou Costello]

I don't know. I saw two hams in it.

[Bud Abbott]

Now, wait a minute, Lynn. Don't pay any attention to Costello. He isn't very B R I G.

[Lou Costello]

H T. Yes, he does appear to be rather S T U P I.

[Bud Abbott]

D. I heard that. What do you think I am, A D O p P.

[Lou Costello]

Listen, Mr. Abbott, what about this play?

[Bud Abbott]

Well, Lynn, it's an original play and Costello will be your leading man.

[Lou Costello]

Costello? He could never play that part.

[Bud Abbott]

Why not?

[Lou Costello]

My leading man must be able to brush me into his arms, sweep me off his off my feet and carry me away.

[Bud Abbott]

You don't want a leading man. You want a street cleaner. Costello, that's no way to talk to our guest. Can't you be nice? Yes, Ms. Barry. If you'll do this play with me in the butcher shop, I'll take you out after the broadcast. We'll go for a drive. But Lou, there's no more pleasure driving. Yeah, but there's still pleasure parking.

[Lou Costello]

Who wants to park in a coupe with a droop?

[Bud Abbott]

Your technique is all wrong, Costello. If you want to take out a beautiful girl like Lynn Barry, the first thing to do is hire a limousine and chauffeur a Rolls Royce.

[Lou Costello]

Of course. Then you buy me flowers, orchids, naturally.

[Bud Abbott]

Then cocktails at the Windsor House, dinner.

[Lou Costello]

At Romanov with caviar and champagne and tickets for the theater, first row.

[Bud Abbott]

After that, you make the rounds of.

[Lou Costello]

The nightclub, winding up at the Trocadero.

[Bud Abbott]

Then you get into your limousine again and drive down Wilshire Boulevard. Stop the car. Stop the car. What for? I want to stop at the finance company and make a lo.

[Ken Niles]

Sings a lovely ballad by ideal.

[Lou Costello]

Will I ever find a player in my mind the one with my idea Maybe he's a dream and yet he might be Just around the corner waiting for me Will I recognize the light in his eyes that no other eyes reveal oh, will I pass him Y I never even lost that he is my idea.

[Bud Abbott]

Maybe.

[Lou Costello]

He'S a dream and yet he might be Just around the corner waiting for me Will I recognize the light in his eyes that no other eyes will be oh, will I pass him by and never even know that he is.

[Bud Abbott]

My.

[Lou Costello]

Eye.

[Ken Niles]

Now, Camel cigarettes do have more flavor. And if you've ever tried one, I think you'll say, yes, I know. And yet you may not be a steady Camel smoker. Well, here's the difference between trying just one or two Camel cigarettes and trying a couple of packs. Camel's extra flavor, the result of expert blending of cost beer tobaccos is what helps them to hold up keep from going flat no matter how many you smoke. Give your second pack of Camel cigarettes a real test in your T zone, your taste and throat, you'll find out about flavor. And I think your throat will give you the last word on Camel's smooth extra mildness too.

[Styles MacKenzie]

Your next unforgettable experience can happen anytime. Take an AMEX card with you for rewards wherever you go. Morning coffee run with an old friend. Earn cash back, weekend getaway. Earn miles, AMEX rewards your inner explorer. Learn more@american express.com terms apply.

[Ken Niles]

And remember, your Camels will stay fresh, cool, smoking and slow burning because they're packed to go around the world.

[Lou Costello]

See air.

[Bud Abbott]

Yeah.

[Ken Niles]

Camel cigarettes, they're first in the service. They've got what it takes.

[Bud Abbott]

Well, Costello, we're all ready to do your play. What's it all about? Oh, it's a great story, Abbot. It's about Buffalo Bill and the Wild West. Can you play a Western gal? Ms. Barry?

[Lou Costello]

Can I play a Western gal? Why, where I comes from, they all call me Tex.

[Bud Abbott]

Where you all come from, Tex?

[Lou Costello]

Oklahoma.

[Bud Abbott]

Just a second, Costello. Since when are you a Western character? Are you kidding, partner? Why, they used to call me Six Gun Costello, but I had to change it to Two Gun. Why, Horse with six guns, every time I took a step, my pants fell down. Yuck, yuck, yuck, yuck, yuck. That's another character for you.

[Lou Costello]

Well, Six Gun, I'll agree to play the part. Sounds Fawn squaw to me.

[Bud Abbott]

What's the zip?

[Lou Costello]

I said it sounds Fawn squaw.

[Bud Abbott]

Oh, Fawn squaw. I used to hunt Bard down there every year. Yeah, all right, look, I don't. I don't Believe all this Gusta. Oh, yo. Ah. No, no, no, no. You don't know anything about the West. Oh, no. I was raised on a dud ranch. You mean a dude rag. I said dud. No women.

[Lou Costello]

Must have been near no gals. Arizona.

[Bud Abbott]

Har har har. And Squaw Lou. This is ridiculous. Must be a couple of Southerners. Go ahead, Ken, set the scene. Go ahead.

[Ken Niles]

And now.

[Bud Abbott]

Somebody better set the scene.

[Ken Niles]

And now our play of the evening. A saga of the adventurous West. The life of Buffalo Bill. Brought to you direct from Myers Butcher Shop and starring the Abbott and Costello.

[Lou Costello]

Pickled pigs feet players.

[Ken Niles]

And as an extra special attraction, Meyer has goose liver at 10 cents a pound. As the scene opens, Buffalo Bill Costello and Buckskin Abbott are on the trail. Suddenly a shot rings out.

[Bud Abbott]

Hello? Hello, this is Meyer on the wire. Hello there, Meyer. This is Buffalo. What have I got in my store? I'm talking Buffalo. No, no, Meyer. This is Buffalo. I'm talking from Indian Heights. Please give me my butcher shop in Boyle High. Now, Meyer, will you stop bothering me? I gotta go out and kill some Indians. What's the matter? We're running out of meat. Oh, never mind that. What's new with Sophie? It's still a very slow process. Look, I can't talk to you now. Meyer, call me back.

[Lou Costello]

This is the craziest play I ever heard. When do I come in?

[Bud Abbott]

In just a second, Lynn. Costello and I are still on the trail approaching the camp of your father. Read your line, Costello. Oh, yeah. Buckskin Bud. It's getting dark and we're gonna run into a heap of trouble. Yes, Buffalo. If we don't reach the stockade by sundown, the Indians will massacre us in the dark. They'll scalp us alive. Well, what are you going to do? We got to get word through to Gene Autry. Gene Autry? Shh, Buffalo. Look. Here comes an Indian chief. He's going to speak to us. How? Hula Gullah. Pulla. Mula.

[Lou Costello]

Ow.

[Bud Abbott]

Mila Pula Gunda. Munda Malabala. Costello, I didn't know you spoke Indian. I don't. Something went wrong with my typewriter. Me. Me welcome. You. Me Chief Flatfoot. Who gave you that name? Great white father? No, Great white draft boy. Chief Flatfoot. I come to marry a daughter, Moon Eyes. The one over there.

[Lou Costello]

Moon Eyes could not come. I am her sister, Cross Eyes. Me glad to meet you. Greetings, white fish.

[Bud Abbott]

Not Fish face.

[Lou Costello]

Greetings, Fish face.

[Bud Abbott]

I don't think she. I don't think she likes you, Buffalo. Now let me handle this. Look here, Cross Eyes. I want to marry you. Now, what do you say, gal?

[Lou Costello]

No marry you. Me marry the Bicarbonate Kid.

[Bud Abbott]

The Bicarbonate Kid?

[Lou Costello]

Yes. Wild Bill Hiccough.

[Bud Abbott]

I used to know him as Hopalong Acidity. Then everything is settled. White man, you go. What's that? I've been an Indian scout for nigh on to 20 years. And you're the most despicable, obnoxious, incorrigible renegade that I've ever encountered. Them's hard words, Buffalo. Hard words. You're right. But I said em.

[Lou Costello]

Buffalo Bill.

[Bud Abbott]

You.

[Lou Costello]

You be careful what you say to my father. He's strong in the.

[Bud Abbott]

I smell him. Yes. No. Me strong. Me not wear shoes. Me not wear clothes. Me sleep in wind, rain and snow. No roof. Me eat raw corn, raw meat, raw fish. You do all that? Yes, and I'm sick and tired of the whole thing.

[Lou Costello]

Oh, boy, what a play.

[Bud Abbott]

I'm glad you like it. Well, Indian girl, I want you to marry me.

[Lou Costello]

It's no use. You cannot marry me unless you get my mother's consent.

[Bud Abbott]

I've taken care of that, Cross Eyes. I married your mother, so now I'm your father. So listen, daughter, you have my consent to marry me as soon as I can get a divorce from your old lady, your mother. Wait a minute, Buffalo. The Indians are going to attack us.

[Lou Costello]

Me afraid, Buffalo.

[Bud Abbott]

Don't worry, Cross Eyes. Get behind me. If you hear a shot, get in front of me. Look out, here they come. Run for your lives. Hello, Louie, it's me, Meyer.

[Lou Costello]

I'm back. Oh, boy, what a Play.

[Bud Abbott]

Costello.

[Lou Costello]

Abbott.

[Bud Abbott]

Ms. Barry, I want to thank you sincerely for watching my butcher shop while my wife Sophie is having a crisis. Gee, Meyer. Well, tell me what happened. You. You. You. Such are they. Girls with white uniforms are rushing in and out. I'm walking up and down. I'm biting my nails. I couldn't eat nothing, but everything turned out wonderful. Sophie is resting up here. I'm so excited. Gosh, what a lucky fellow.

[Lou Costello]

Congratulations, Meyer.

[Bud Abbott]

Yeah. What was it, a boy or a girl? The most beautiful permanent wave you ever saw.

[Ken Niles]

Abbott and Costello will be back in just a moment.

[Bud Abbott]

Thanks to the angst of the week tonight we salute liberty ship captain Henry A. Fritz of Detroit, Michigan, whose freighter was docked between two Allied vessels at a North African port. During an air raid, both the adjoining vessels began to burn and explode, tearing huge holes in the American ship's hull. Captain Fritz ordered his men to abandon ship, but went himself to the bow and though seared by flames, chopped the bow lines and enabled the ship to be moved to safety. In your honor, Captain Henry Flitz, the makers of Camels are sending to merchant marine men on the High Seas 300,000 Camel cigarettes.

[Ken Niles]

Each of the four Camel shows honors a yank of the week sends 300,000 Camel cigarettes overseas. A total of more than a million camels sent free each week in this country. The traveling camel caravans have thanked audiences of more than 3 1/2 million yanks with free shows and free Camels. Camel broadcasts go out to the United States four times a week. Are short wave to our men overseas and to South America. Listen tomorrow to Jimmy Durante and Gary Moore, Saturday to Bob Hawk in thanks to the Yanks, Monday to Blondie and next Thursday to Abbott and Costello with their guest, Mr. Edward Arnold. And here's a special message to all young men of 17. Listen to this right now. You can join the Army, Navy or Marine Corps Aviation Enlisted Reserve. If you want to be an army flyer, join the reserve now and continue your school or job until you're 18. And then you'll start training to become a pilot, navigator or bombardier. Talk to your parents about this. You must have their permission. You can receive full information and printed literature by writing or visiting your nearest Army Aviation Cadet Examining Board or Naval Office of Procurement. Any Army, Navy or Marine recruiting station will tell you how to find it. And now here's Abbott and Costello with a final word.

[Bud Abbott]

Thanks, Ken. Well, Lynn, Barry, thanks for being our guest tonight.

[Lou Costello]

Just a minute, bud. Look, Costello, I want to know how that play ended before Meyer came in.

[Bud Abbott]

Oh, it was a terrific finish. I'm standing on a hill all alone. 10,000 blood curdling Indians are coming at me.

[Lou Costello]

How many?

[Bud Abbott]

1,000 screaming redskin. How many? 50 ferocious savages. How many? So I killed the old squaw power and squad.

[Lou Costello]

Let me out of here.

[Bud Abbott]

Let us all out of here. Good night, folks. Good night, neighbors. Good night to everybody in Patterson, New Jersey. Woohoo.

[Lou Costello]

Good night, Uncle Marty.

[Ken Niles]

Tune in next week for another great Abbot and Costello show with our guest, Edward Arnold. And remember, Camels for Christmas. Yes, Camel cigarettes make a wonderful gift wherever you send them. You can be sure that they'll be fresh when they arrive because camels are packed to go around the world. This is Ken Niles wishing you all a very pleasant good night from Hollywood.

[Bud Abbott]

More pipes smoke Prince Albert than any other tobacco in the whole world. Remember that.

[Ken Niles]

If you're looking for just the thing.

[Bud Abbott]

To give that pipe smoker for Christmas, Prince Albert comes in special Christmas wrapped pound or half pound containers. Get a Christmas wrapped pound or half pound container of Prince Albert for every pipe smoker on your list. This is the National Broadcasting Company, KFI Los Angeles.

[Styles MacKenzie]

Your next unforgettable experience can happen anytime. Take an AMEX card with you for rewards wherever you go. Morning coffee run with an old friend. Earn cash back. Weekend getaway Earn miles. AMEX rewards your inner explorer. Learn more at americanexpress. Com Terms apply.