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Abbott & Costello 44-02-10 (051) Robinson Crusoe with Charles Laughton
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Abbott & Costello 44-02-10 (051) Robinson Crusoe with Charles Laughton
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Advocate for Tobacco-Free Kids
Nearly 90% of kids who vape say flavors are why they do it. A lot of the flavors that I've heard are like peach, mango, watermelon. It makes it seem like more childlike and innocent. Oh, I tried this once. It won't be that much of a problem. But then eventually it becomes a problem. It's time to restrict the sale of flavored tobacco products in Oregon and protect our kids from nicotine addiction. Urge lawmakers to Pass Senate Bill 702A. Take action at flavorshookoreegonkids.org for by the Campaign for Tobacco Free Kids Action Fund. The Abbott and Costello program brought to you by Camel. The cigarette that's first in the service. Camels stay fresh, cool smoking and slow burning the because they're packed to go around the world. Listen to the music of Freddy Rich and his orchestra. The songs of Connie Haynes. Tonight's guest, the Metro golden mayor star, Mr. Charles Lawton. And starring Bud Abbott and Lou Costello. Oh, there you are, Costello. What's all the excitement? All the excitement. I was just out shopping. Abbott and I bought a beautiful Val know next Monday is Street Valentine's Day. What day? Street Valentine's Day. Here it is, right on the card. See it? What? St. Street. Oh, no, you dummy. That's St. Valentine. St. Means saint. Who are you sending it to? Oh, to Ms. Carol Lou. 1, 56 South Main. Saint South Main. Saint. Yeah, that's where my girl lives on South Main. Saint what are you talking about? St. Oh, that s t means street. You said it was saint. Now make up your mind. Look, when it's an address, it's Street. Now read it again, Ms. Carol Lou. 156 South Main Street. Now that's better. St. Louis, Missouri. Just a minute, Costello. That's St. Louis, Missouri. Yeah, but that's an address. Yes, but this time it's Saint. Well, make up your mind. Sometimes it's street and sometimes it's Saint. When as it is and when as it ain't. Well, Costello, let me clear this up for you. You live on the street, don't you? Yeah. No, I live on a doctor. You live on a doctor? Yeah, I live on a doctor. Here's my address on a card. Luke Costello, 139 Beverly. Doctor. Let me. Let me see that. Go ahead, you read the card. Doctor. That isn't doctor, that's drive. Drive, you dummy, drive. What, on an a car? Well, well, what's all the argument? Oh, it's Ken Niles Costello is just showing me a valentine. Oh, now that's a coincidence. I have a valentine for Costello, too. Listen to this, dear Lou, roses are red, violets are pink. I saw your picture last night, and you certainly do all right. Quiet, Niles, or I'll pour a hole in your head and let the SAP run out. Yes, and you're the boar who can do it. Oh, dear, I'm as hot as a hot dog tonight. And just as full of Pluni, too. Costello, why do you always fight with Niles? That's right, Costello. You should be glad you've got me. I could be a lift on any program. Then how come you're a jerk on this one? Oh, quiet, Costello. By the way, Ken, where's your wife? Oh, I left her at home. She's writing a play to do on the program tonight. She's writing a play? What does she know about plays? Why, I'll have you know that my beautiful wife spent years in stock. Didn't the other cattle object? I heard that remark, you B19 with a nose. I said it so you'd hear it. Now, Mrs. Niles, I knew you'd be here today. I read it in the newspapers. The newspapers? Yes, the weather report said big wind coming. The lovely jacket you have on. All right, never mind that. Like sea biscuits. All right, never mind that. Trot seller, please. Mrs. Nile, Ken tells us that you are working on a play for us tonight for our program. Now, I didn't know that you had literary inclinations. Oh, indeed, yes. I'm always reading. You'll always find me with my nose in a book. How can you read it from way out there? Oh, I just adore the old writers. Dickens works and Thackeray's and Byron's and, of course, Keats. Oh, don't you just love Keats? Oh, yes, I love Keats. I love all kinds of Keats. Big Keats, little Keats. Hello. Quit interrupting, Costella. Tell me, Mrs. Niles, what is your play about? Oh, it's a thrilling adaptation of that famous story, Robinson Crusoe. And what a great part for me. Oh, I play the voodoo queen of the island. I am beautiful, breathtaking, luscious and exotic. Where can you buy that much makeup? I'm not going to stand here and be insulted. Here, Mr. Abbott is a copy of the play. I'll be back later. Oh, that's fine. Now, Abbott, I'm getting sick and tired of this. Everybody wants to be in a play. The next thing you know, even Botswood Twink, our sound man, he'll want some kind of a part. And why shouldn't I? Want to part, Mr. Castillo? I'm human, ain't I? What a spot for an ad lib. Now just a minute, Botsford. What could you do in the play? Oh, what could any sound man do? I could give you sounds. The sound of a cat licking its chin, the sound of a grape scratching its skin, the sound of a mosquito making its. The sound of a seltzer making its these sounds. I can give you eye bots for Twink. And if you don't use me, your program will. Ah. Your program will suffer. Oh, boy. I thought it was going to say S T I N K. Hey, Costello, what's the matter? Did I spell it wrong? I'll get out of here. Get me here. North of the Persian Gulf are Americans, soldiers, railroad men, truckmen. Seeing that the tanks and the guns speed along the overland supply route to Russia, to Americans in Iran, in Iraq, to Americans throughout the world. Go Camel cigarettes by the million, by the ton For Camels are first with men in all the services according to actual sales records. And when the Camels get to Iran or to you, they're fresh, cool, smoking and slow burning. Because they're packed to go around the world. Because Camels stay fresh and because they have more flavor. More people want Camel cigarettes now, both at home and overseas. So remember, if your store is sold out today, try again tomorrow. Camel cigarettes are worth asking for again. Camel cigarettes. Camel standard of costlier tobaccos is the same for soldier for civilian anywhere in the world. Freddie Rich plays the lovely David Rose. Composition Holiday for straight. Well, Costello, have you read the play that Mrs. Miles left here? I'm reading it now, Abbott. But wait a minute, you're reading it upside down. You think it's easy now, Abbott, I decided to play the leading part. Robinson Caruso. You're going to play the lead? Well, isn't there a part in it for me? There certainly is. In the second act, you go away to forget. Well, don't I do anything in the first act? That's what you go away to forget. Oh, Mr. Costello, have you found a place for me to do my sound effects? Oh, boss, but what sound effects can you do? Lots of them. Mr. Costello, did you ever hear a mountain calling to its son? A mountain calling to its son? Of course not. I'll show you A mountain calling to its sun. Hey, Cliff. Hey, you know, that's good. That's just a bluff. Well, here's another one. A mother flower calling to a baby flower. Hiya, bud. And did you ever. Did you ever hear a snake asking for chewing Gum. How does it go? Wriggly wiggly wiggly wiggly wiggly. Castell Bradford is wonderful. What's so wonderful about that? I mean, I can do a sound that you never heard before. Well, let's hear it. Okay. A husband talking back to his wife. That's all. Come on, come on, Come on, Costella, give Botsford a chance in the play. Okay, Abbott. Now listen, Botsford, you can be in a play. But remember, don't make any sound effects till I give you the word and the sound and the cue. Yes, Mr. Costello. This is your chance to be a big shot. Big shot? Yes, sir. That isn't a word. Wait for the play. Come in. Pardon me, is this the Abbott and Costello program? Eh, what do you think it is? I'm sorry, I just walked past a glue factory. I haven't noticed any change. Yes, who is this fresh guy? Costello? It's that great actor, Charles Law. Now listen, Lawton, if you don't like my program, what are you doing here? My next picture, I play the part of a moron and I came over to see how they act. So you're gonna play the part of a moron, eh, Lawton? Yeah, that's right. That's what I call perfect casting. How do you like that, Fatso? Costello, you can't call a man like Mr. Lawton Fatso. Why not? What's the nickname for Charles? It's Chuck. What's a chuck? That's a roast. And what's a roast? A roast is a fat piece of meat. Ay, a fato. Now cut that out, Costello, with the overlapping hair. Never mind. That Mr. Lawson is a polished gentleman. He looks like he's shellack. See here, Costello, I've only seen you once before, for which I'm very thankful. However, in the event I permit such a catastrophe to occur again, I shall depart as a measure of self discipline to a small tropical island. There I shall mount my head on a tripod and spend my declining years kicking myself in the face at regular five minute intervals. Well, with your face it would be an improvement. Here, here, Costello, none of that now. Say, by the way, Ms. Lawton, how would you like to appear in our play tonight? We're going to do the big shipwreck scene from Robertson Crusoe. Splendid. I love the water, the broad ocean. As a matter of fact, I spent the last week at Del Mar, where the turf meets the surf. Oh, really? Really. You met at Jilmar with the turf meets the turf? Really? You heard him? I heard him. I spent the day At Ocean park, where the debris meets the sea. Shut up, Costello. Please. Charlie. As the play starts, we board the ship and go off in search of adventure. Yes, I'm Robinson Crusoe, the captain. And I'm sailing my boat around the horn. Horn? Yes, sir. Hurry down. Turn around. Let's get out of here. Fuck. Now, ladder. All right, all right. Take it easy. Don't get excited, all right? He's going to fall up the whole place. Never mind. Take it easy. Now listen. Now get away, Botswana. I'll let you have it. All right, never mind. Now, back to my acting. Mr. Lawton, we're in the middle of the ocean and a big storm comes up. The boat begins to break up because it's only an old Bark. Bark. Yes, sir. Get out of here. Will you stop that barking? Yes, Mr. Bones. Go on with the play. What happens to the boat? It sinks. It sinks. So does the play. Just a minute, Charlie. It's really a good script. And you have a fine part. You play Costello's Man Friday. What? You're asking me to play second fiddle to this overstuffed porcupine? I'll have you gentlemen know that I was just offered a great dramatic program of my own. You were, were you? What's the name of it? One Ham's Family Costello. Do you expect to play the part of a captain? When I come from a family of seafaring men. It was my great, great grandfather, Sir Thomas who sailed with Drake in 1588 and defeated the Spanish Armada. It was my great uncle Reginald who stood at the side of Lord Nelson at the Battle of Trafalgar. And it was my cousin Archibald, bless his heart. Nice fellow who plotted the courts for the admiral at the Battle of Jutland. That's why I like to plant my feet on the deck of a ship to feel the rolling surf beneath me and the ocean spray upon my face. That's why I like the salt air. I love the salt air. I must have the salt air. Okay, Lawton, right after the program, come on over to my house and I'll fan you with a herring. Get out of here. Hi. Haynes sings a lovely new ballad. I'll be around. Nearly 90% of kids who vape say flavors are why they do it. A lot of the flavors I've heard are like peach, mango, watermelon. It makes it seem like more childlike and innocent. Oh, I tried this once. It won't be that much of a problem. But then, eventually it becomes a problem. It's time to restrict the sale of flavored tobacco products in Oregon and protect our kids from nicotine addiction. Urge lawmakers to Pass Senate Bill 702A. Take action at flavors hookoregon kids.org paid for by the Campaign for Tobacco Free Kids Action Fund. Trip planner by Expedia. You were made to have strong opinions about sand. We were made to help you and your friends find a place on the beach with a pool and a marina and a waterfall and a soaking tub. Expedia Made to travel. I'll be around no matter how you treat me now I'll be around from now on your latest love can never last and when it's pain I'll be around when she's gone Goodbye again and if you find a love like mine just now and then drop a line to say you're feeling fine and when things go wrong Perhaps you see you're meant for me so I'll be around when she's gone I'll be around every morning around every night I'll be around for the rest of my life I'll be around Be around Daisy all of the time Goodbye again and if you find a love like mine Just now and then drop a line to say you're feeling fine and when things go wrong perhaps you see you're meant for me so I'll be around when he's gone. They wouldn't take the old gray mare in the army because she had flat feet. Listen. Yes, sir, that's flat. And it can be worse than your cigarette. If you want a cigarette that won't go flat no matter how many you smoke, get Camels. You see, Camel cigarettes have more flavor, the result of expert blending of costlier tobaccos. And more flavor is what helps Camels hold up keep from going flat no matter how many you smoke. Prove that in your taste and throat your T zone. Your taste is your best place to test Camel's rich, extra flavor. And your own throat will give you the last word on Camel cigarettes. Smooth extra miles. And remember, Camels stay fresh, cool smoking and slow burning because they're packed to go around the world. 3:00am Elf Camel cigarettes. They're first in the service. They've got what it takes. And now, ladies and gentlemen, we present our play, the Adventures of Robinson Crusoe, starring the Abbott and Costello seafood cocktail players. That little shrimp Costello plays Robinson Caruso. That old crab Charles Lawton plays his man Friday. And Bud Abbott is just along for the halibut for the hell. Ah, come on, Niles. Announce the player. I'll belch you with a smelt as the scene opens. Robinson, Costello and Bud Abbott are aboard ship in the midst of a terrific storm. And the ship is sinking. Abbott. Come on. Castello, we have to dive over. The ship is about to capsize. Cap. What? Capsize. Capsize? Don't you know what capsize is? Yes, sir. Mine. Six or seven? Eight. Ow. Quiet. Come on. We'll have to swim for that island. Come on, jump in the water, Abbott. Water's cold. All right. Look at me. I'm turning blue and red and pink and purple. I'm freezing in Technicolor. Stop worrying and start swimming. We've got to make the show. Yeah, but I feel something. A shark is biting my toe. That can't be a shark. Sharks travel in school. And this one is playing hockey. Look. Listen, Costello. We'll float into shore. Here comes a big wave. I'd rather wait for a little whack. Here it comes. Costello. Come on, get ready. Oh, boy. Oh, boy. Blow up my clothes and dry them, kid. Yeah. Well, we made it. All right. Now we've got to find out where we are. There's nothing on this island but dense tropical jungle. T. Abbott, look. Up in that tree. It's a jack. That's a monkey. They sure fool you, don't they? Hey, Costello, climb up that tree and see if there are any other signs of life around. But the monkey might bite me. Oh, just speak to him. Okay. Hiya, little monkey. Hiya, brother. Ah, Niles, will you keep out of the place? Now, stay out of here. Hey, quiet. I hear someone coming. Yes, it's over there. It's a native man. Speak to him, Costello. Okay. Hello, native. My name Robertson. Costello, we your friends. You welcome us to island. Greetings, white man. My name Friday. Welcome to this island, you all. Yowza, cheerio, pip, pip, all that sort of thing. Yak, yak. Hey, Lawton, what kind of dialect is that? Me native speak with a drool. You mean drawl? Drawl. No, drool. Me read Esquire. Enough of this talk. I have funnier lines than me. Now, wait a minute, just a minute. Let's get together here. None of this kind of talk. Friday, we both need food and drink. What can you give us? Me give you rubber all my life. Me eat the rubber and drink the sapphire from the rubber tree. I'll bet you were a bouncing baby. I'll bet you were a bouncing baby. You said that one. Nobody hears me. Just a moment. Friday, do you really enjoy this diet of rubber? Oh, yes, stranger. The rubber has a wonderful tang, but how do you feel after you eat this rubber. Oh, it makes me feel like a king. And you want to sing in the spring. I hear Lawton over at King, you know. Silence, you all. I'll use it once you like. It is growing dark. Night is falling. Night falling. Yes, sir. You see, Abbott, you asked me to give Boxer Tick a chance, didn't you? Now put them back in a cage. No more sound effects. If I hear one more people. You Boxer, I'll give you the bird. Bird? Yes. Meadowlark. Nightingale. Robin. Will you please get out of here, Costello? Let's. Let's get back to the play. Remember, the play is the thing. Who called this thing a play? Now look, Friday, you started to warn us about this island. Don't pay any attention to this guy, Abbott. I know every island around here like a book. I've even been to the BVD island. The BVD Island? Yes, the West. Undies. Undies. That's when I was. That's when I was working short. Costello, will you keep out of this and let me talk? Now tell me, Friday, do you think we're really in danger? There's no escape for us. Listen. Why, even now you can hear the drums of doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom. Yak tilly bum bum doom, doom. Listen to those jive drums. Habit. What does it mean? It means that the food. The Blue Queen is about to make a human sacrifice. The sacrificial fires are already burning. Oh, help, help, help. Oh, it's terrible. It's terrible. What's the matter? Oh, it's awful. First they put me in a big pot and then they take me out of the pot. Then they put me back in the pot and then they take me out of the pot. Wait a minute. Who are you? Oh, just a little poker chip. Come on, Miles, stop making an ace of yourself. Never mind. Uncastella, come quickly. We must run for our lives. Yes, before the audience comes up the stage and gets hers. I am moving while reading scripture. It's going to get a potshot at me. Do not move or you will die. Look, the voodoo queen approaches with her three sacred guards. I will speak to the guards. Greetings. Greetings. Greetings. Greetings. Sounds like my dress board. Silence, white man. The queen is about to speak. Greetings, Friday. Greetings, Saturday. Saturday? Yes, I'm Friday and she's Saturday. Who are these three guys? Sunday, Monday and Old World Castello. Be careful what you say, Costello. Yes, and do not allow your eyes to stray from the queen's face. That is right. You must face me or Face death. I'd rather face death. Oh, you fool. Do you not realize that beauty is only skin deep? Well, go skin yourself and come back. Oh, I've heard enough. These men must die. But your majesty, Costello did not mean it. No, Costello just said it for a lark. Lark? Yes, sir. Lark. Sparrow. Nightingale. Oh, come on. Come on. Will you get out of here? Will you box me? Come. Guards. Throw these men into the sacrificial fire. Quick. We've only one chance. Down on your knees. We must plead for our lives. Ask her for mercy. Come on, Costello. We must ask for mercy. Mercy. Mercy. Mercy. Mercy. Abbott and Costello will be back in just a moment. Moment. Thanks to the angst of the week. Tonight we salute 23 year old Captain Hershel H. Green of Mayfield, Kentucky, our Thunderbolt pilot in Italy. Flying one of a squadron of P47s, Captain Green shot down six German planes in 15 minutes, adding his score to 30 others shot down by the squadron in this single action with the loss of only one Thunderbolt. In honor of you and your squadron mates, Captain Hershel Greene, the makers of Camels are sending to our soldiers overseas 300,000 Camel cigarettes. Each of the four Camel radio shows honors the Yank of the week sends 300,000 Camel cigarettes overseas. A total of more than a million camels sent free each week in this country. The traveling camel caravans have thanked audiences of more than 3 1/2 million yanks with free shows and free Camels. Camel broadcasts go out to the United States four times a week. A short wave to our men overseas and to South America. Listen tomorrow to Gary Moore and Jimmy Durante, Saturday to Bob Hawk in thanks to the Yanks. Monday to Blondie and next Thursday to Abbott and Costello with their guests, Ms. Dorothy Lamour. And now, here's Abbott and Costello. Thanks, Ken. Well, Costello, let's go home and get ready for next Thursday's program. Oh, Abbott, who's going to be our guest star? Oh, that beautiful Paramount star, Dorothy Lamore. Dorothy Lamore. Abbott, is she going to be wearing her sarong? No. Yes. Yes, yes, yes. I guess she'll wear her sarong. Gee, what a quiet program we're gonna have. What do you mean? What do you mean, quiet? Everybody will be waiting for a pin to drop. Oh, get out of here. Good night, folks. Good night, neighbors. Good night, Mom. Be sure and tune in next week for another great Abbott and Costello show with their special guest, Ms. Dorothy Lamour. Charles Lawton appeared tonight through the courtesy of Metro Golden Mayor, producers of Madame Cure. And remember, Camel cigarettes are packed to go around the world. Camels stay fresh, cool smoking and slow burning because they're packed to go around the world. This is Ken Niles wishing you a very pleasant good night from Hollywood. More pipes smoke Prince Albert than any other tobacco in the whole world. Yes, sir, Pa's got plenty of pipe appeal and you'll find out why if you get a big red 2 ounce package of Prince Albert. It holds around 50 rich tasting, swell smoking pipefuls and every one is no bite treated to give you cool tongue, happy smoking comfort. Prince Albert's crimp cut tool to pack and burn and draw just right. More pipes smoke Prince Albert. It's the national joy smoke. We take you now to Washington, D.C. where you will hear the latest figures from the Treasury Department on the national total of war bond sales. Come in, Washington. And here is Ted R. Gamble, National Director of the War Finance Division, Treasury Department. There's a fighting man watching you tonight. He's dog tired and dirty. But neither fatigue nor night brings an end to his job of pushing back the enemy, your enemy as much as his. Yes, he's watching you tonight. And you know that his bit today was his best. He can thank God in these evening hours that he remains alive to fight through the night and tomorrow and through as many tomorrows as lie ahead until victory is won. He's watching you watching the fourth war loan as it draws to a close. He knows, as we all know, that its success is with us. That our best, not our bit, will put it over. Tonight we have reached 86% of our quota with sales of $12,062,000,000. Included in this total are sales to individuals of $3,157,000,000. With only four days left in this drive, every individual sale is needed. If you haven't bought your extra bond, make it your first order of business tomorrow. Thank you, Mr. Ted R. Gamble. This is the National Broadcasting Company. Use of flavored tobacco by teens is a crisis. Tobacco companies use flavors like cotton candy, watermelon ice and cool mint to hook kids like me. They seem harmless, but they aren't. Addiction to nicotine sets us up for a lifetime of health problems. Organ legislators can do something about it. Passing Senate Bill 702A will keep flavored tobacco away from kids. But there are just a few short weeks left for lawmakers to act. Take action to protect kids like me at flavors. Hookorgankids.org paid for by the Campaign for Tobacco Free Kids Action Fund. Trip planner by Expedia. You were made to have strong opinions about sand we were made to help you and your friends find a place on the beach with a pool and a mud marina and a waterfall and a soaking tub. Expedia made to travel.