Abbott & Costello 49-03-10 Sam Shovel - She Took Off Too Much For Entertainment

Summary

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Abbott & Costello 49-03-10: "Sam Shovel – She Took Off Too Much For Entertainment"

Main Theme

This episode of The Abbott & Costello Show (aired March 10, 1949) delivers the classic rapid-fire humor of Bud Abbott and Lou Costello, featuring their trademark wordplay, slapstick setups, and playful banter. The show centers around day-to-day misadventures before transitioning into a comedic detective skit featuring Costello’s parody character “Sam Shovel.” The “case” of the week: apprehending a striptease dancer accused of income tax fraud, with the tongue-in-cheek subtitle, “She Took Off Too Much for Entertainment.” The episode combines topical references (such as income taxes and early television), vaudeville humor, and musical interludes, embodying the charm and cultural flavor of late 1940s radio comedy.

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Key Discussion Points & Episode Highlights

Costello’s Latest Antics and Abbott's Exasperation

• Red Cross Fundraising Gone Awry
  • Costello claims to be collecting for the Red Cross but ends up with more than his “10%.”
  • Quote:
    • Lou Costello: “Today I got $150 and they got $30.” (01:28)
    • Bud Abbott: “If you get 10%, how come the Red Cross only got $30 and you got 150?” (01:31)
    • Lou Costello: “I don’t know. Just lucky, I guess.” (01:39)
• Dreams of Hollywood Stardom
  • Costello longs for movie fame and unsuccessfully tries to emulate Lana Turner.
  • Humor about learning to sail—in the bathtub. (02:30)
• Homemade Television Set
  • Costello builds a TV out of bed springs, resulting in a slapstick punchline:
    • Lou Costello: “I looked through it…I saw my mother falling through the bed spring.” (04:27)
• Family and Moron Jokes
  • Frequent “nitcomboop” and “moron” jokes at Costello’s expense; he retorts with self-deprecating and absurd responses.
  • Quote:
    • Bud Abbott: “Out of seven children, you are the only nitcomboop.” (05:40)
    • Lou Costello: “How did that happen?...Just lucky, I guess.” (05:49)

Romance, Marriage, and Classic Bickering

• Costello’s New Love Interest
  • Abbott claims Costello doesn’t know about women; Costello asserts, “I got a new girl...I’m going to take her boating.” (02:20)
• Marriage = Three-Ring Circus
  • Lou lays out his cynicism about marriage in a classic routine:
    • Lou Costello: “Marriage is a three-ring circus...First comes the engagement ring...then the wedding ring...and then suffering!” (10:35)
• On Being a Husband
  • Abbott tries to wax poetic about marriage, only for Costello to undercut him:
    • Lou Costello: “A husband is what’s left of a sweetheart after the nerve has been killed.” (10:51)

Viola Vaughn & The Comedy of Romance

• Viola Vaughn, the Secretary, Returns
  • Costello tries to ask Viola out, but is immediately put in his place.
    • Viola Vaughn: “You’ll have to stay away from all the fat girls – and all the skinny girls.”
    • Lou Costello: “What about all the pretty girls in between?”
    • Viola Vaughn: “Don’t worry, they’ll stay away from you.” (12:50)
• Playful Banter and Dance Lessons
  • Rumba comedy—Viola demonstrates, and roasts Costello’s physique:
    • Viola Vaughn: “If I had your parts, Costello, I’d throw them all out.” (14:37)

The Musical Interlude

• Howe Winters’ Number
  • “Look Up, Look Up” performed by Howe Winters, with Matty Matlock’s orchestra.
  • Uplifting, optimistic, and provides a classic reprieve. (16:31–18:41)

Topical Humor: Income Taxes

• Income Tax Complaints
  • Costello and Abbott swap jibes about complicated tax forms:
    • Lou Costello: “Them 1949 income tax blanks are printed on paper with real sharp edges.” (19:08)
    • Bud Abbott: “I noticed the sharp edges…so after you see how much money you got left, you can cut your throat with it.” (19:21)
• Costello’s Uncle Mike’s Accountant
  • Uncle Mike’s suspiciously low taxes, courtesy of a “famous accountant”—at San Quentin! (19:36)

The “Sam Shovel” Detective Skit

• Parody Detective Setup
  • Costello’s detective alter-ego, Sam Shovel, deals with an income tax fraud case focused on “Gambling Gertie.”
  • Opening joke: “I hate to knuckle down and write letters. It ain’t easy writing letters with your knuckles.” (22:16)
• Absurd Crime Solving and Cast
  • Sergeant Murphy, who forgets he’s supposed to have a motorcycle (25:06)
  • “Gambling Gertie” alleged to have written off $10,000 in dresses as entertainment
    • Gertie (Viola Vaughn): “The way I wear them, they are.” (27:33)
  • Classic Sam Shovel non sequiturs, like having to get his hat and join Gertie in jail for the company (28:00)
• Notable Quote (on Gertie’s dresses):
  • Bud Abbott: “Dresses are an entertainment?”
    Viola Vaughn: “The way I wear them, they are.” (27:33)

Finale: Songwriting and Staff Credits

• Costello’s Songwriting Fiasco
  • Costello presents another zany “mother song”:
    • Lou Costello: “Mother. When I saw you sitting on the whistle of that train, I knew you were out on a toot, you dummy.” (29:33)
• Credits
  • Writers and producer get a sendoff. (29:46)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “You know me, Abbott. When I got a goo, I got a goo.” – Lou Costello, on making “goo goo eyes” (09:49)
• “Marriage is a three ring circus: First comes the engagement ring...then wedding ring...then suffering.” – Lou Costello (10:35)
• “A husband is what's left of a sweetheart after the nerve has been killed.” – Lou Costello (10:51)
• “Don’t worry, they’ll stay away from you.” – Viola Vaughn cutting down Costello’s romantic chances (12:54)
• “Sue your dentist twice a year.” – Lou Costello, in his detective monologue (23:26)
• “If I had your parts, Costello, I’d throw them all out.” – Viola Vaughn (14:37)
• On entertainment deductions:
  • Bud Abbott: “$10,000 for dresses charged to entertainment. Dresses are an entertainment?”
  • Viola Vaughn: “The way I wear them, they are.” (27:33)

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Timestamps of Key Segments

• 01:23 – Costello’s Red Cross fundraising scheme
• 04:14 – Homemade television set gag
• 09:19–10:51 – Costello & Abbott’s comedic debate about marriage
• 12:09–14:50 – Viola Vaughn’s repartee and rumba lesson
• 16:31–18:41 – Howe Winters’ musical number “Look Up, Look Up”
• 19:08–20:17 – Income tax jokes & Uncle Mike’s accountant
• 21:58–28:00 – “Sam Shovel” detective skit: Gertie’s case & comic investigation
• 29:29–29:54 – Finale: Costello’s mother song & writer credits

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Episode Tone

Fast-paced, vaudevillian, full of puns, wordplay, and innuendo. Costello is hapless and bumbling but endlessly optimistic, Abbott is the exasperated straight man. The humor is rooted in 1940s culture but laced with timeless comedic archetypes: misunderstandings, banter about money and marriage, and skewering bureaucracy. Viola Vaughn provides a sharp, sassy counterpoint to Costello’s clowning.

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In Summary

This episode of The Abbott & Costello Show is a showcase of classic radio comedy, blending sketches about everyday life with an over-the-top detective parody, and capping it with rapid fire one-liners and groan-worthy puns. For fans of old-time radio or anyone seeking a window into the era’s entertainment, it’s a laugh-filled trip anchored by two masters of comic timing.

Transcript

[Dutch Vet Service Announcer]

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[Lou Costello]

Hey, Abbott, what time is it?

[Bud Abbott]

It's time for the Abbott and Costello Show. We're on the air for ABC here in Hollywood.

[Lou Costello]

Well, what are we waiting for? Let's go with the Abbott and Costello Show.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Yes, it's the Abbott and Costello show, produced and transcribed in Hollywood for your listening and laughing pleasure with Chuckles with music by Matty Maldek. So hold on to your chairs, folks, for here they are, Bud Abbott and Lou Costello.

[Lou Costello]

All right, all right.

[Bud Abbott]

Stop that yelling. Where have you been since early this morning?

[Lou Costello]

Well, I'll tell you. I've been working for the Red Cross collecting money.

[Bud Abbott]

Oh, that's very commendable, Costella.

[Lou Costello]

Yes, I get 10% of what I collect today. I got $150 and they got 30.

[Bud Abbott]

Wait a minute, wait a. Wait a minute. If you get 10%, how come the Red Cross only got $30 and you got 150?

[Lou Costello]

I don't know. Just lucky, I guess.

[Bud Abbott]

Well, I'm glad you're spending your time at something useful.

[Lou Costello]

Well, I didn't work all day. I sneaked into a movie theater, saw a French movie. Abbott, I wish I could get into the movies. I tried. Like Lana Turner. I really did. I sat on a drugstore stool all day, sipping sodas and wearing sweaters, and nothing happened.

[Bud Abbott]

It didn't.

[Lou Costello]

Yeah. I guess I shouldn't have worn those short sleeves. Gee, I wish I had a girl like Lana Turner. Oh.

[Bud Abbott]

Cause the old girls are alike. Take my wife, she's just a rag, a bone to anchor. Half.

[Lou Costello]

Boy, you really went in the junk business, didn't you?

[Bud Abbott]

I don't know why I even talk about girls with you. You'll never have a girl.

[Lou Costello]

Oh, yeah? Well, I got me a new girl right now. Tomorrow morning, I'm going to take her boating.

[Bud Abbott]

Boating?

[Lou Costello]

Duke and I. Duke and I are.

[Bud Abbott]

Going to take over. How do you know about sailing boats?

[Narrator/Announcer]

What?

[Lou Costello]

I know about sailing.

[Bud Abbott]

Yeah, what do you know about sailing?

[Lou Costello]

I know a lot. Abbott. Get a load of this. Batten down the topsail. Lower the mishmash Heave the anchor. Heave the anchor. Scrub my back.

[Bud Abbott]

Scrub your back? Yeah.

[Lou Costello]

I learned to sail boats in the bathtub. Oh, get them out.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Before the boys get any further involved in nonsense. Here's a thought that makes good sense.

[Lou Costello]

It's Sam Abbot.

[Bud Abbott]

Will you stop that noise? Where have you been all week? I've been looking for you.

[Lou Costello]

I was home. Abbott, you won't believe this, but I built a television set.

[Bud Abbott]

What'd you build it out of?

[Lou Costello]

I took some bed springs from my mother's bed and made some coils. Then I took a whole lot more wire from my mother's bed springs and wounded around the coils. Then I got a piece of glass for a screen and I looked through it.

[Bud Abbott]

What'd you see?

[Lou Costello]

My mother falling through the bed spring.

[Bud Abbott]

You idiot. You know nothing about television.

[Lou Costello]

Maybe not, but my brother Pat invented a television set for automobiles. I could have put them on the dashboards of every car in Hollywood.

[Bud Abbott]

How can a man drive a car, look at a television set and watch.

[Lou Costello]

The road in California, who watches the road?

[Bud Abbott]

There's no sense talking to you, Costello. You and your brother Pat and all the kids in your family are a bunch of morons.

[Lou Costello]

Now just a minute, Abbott. Morons, hmm. Just take a look at this picture. There's me and all my brothers and sisters. And you can tell by that picture that my mother didn't raise any morons.

[Bud Abbott]

Maybe not, but your father must have been pretty busy.

[Lou Costello]

Go ahead and laugh, Abbott. You might as well. The audience ain't laughing.

[Bud Abbott]

Yes, it is. Never mind that. I still say you're a moron, and.

[Lou Costello]

I can prove it. I am not.

[Bud Abbott]

All right, then why do you go to bed every night in a swimming suit?

[Lou Costello]

I have to. My hot water bottle leaks.

[Bud Abbott]

It's a shame. A boy that comes from a nice. As nice a family as you do, a lovely mother. Out of seven children, you are the only nitcomboop.

[Lou Costello]

How did that happen? I don't know. I'm just lucky, I guess.

[Bud Abbott]

I think you take after your Uncle Mike.

[Lou Costello]

Poor Uncle Mike. He's in bad shape, Abbott. He is? Yes, he is.

[Bud Abbott]

I didn't know that.

[Lou Costello]

He lost his job, spent all his money and then started hocking things. Oh, that's too bad. He hocked his gold teeth. Then he hocked his toupee, his glass iron. Now Aunt May is suing him. What for? Desertion. She says there's more of him hanging in a pawn shop window than there is at home.

[Bud Abbott]

Costella, you'll never amount to anything.

[Lou Costello]

Is that so? Why, only last night I heard that I was one of the most handsome comedians on the radio one of the finest actors on the screen and the answer to every woman's prayer. Who?

[Bud Abbott]

Who told you all this? Where? Where did you hear it?

[Lou Costello]

I took in my sleep. That was a wonderful dream, though. Last night I dreamed I was one of the Three Musketeers. There they were on a desert island. Me, Rita Hayworth and Hedy Lamar. Wait.

[Bud Abbott]

Wait a minute. Wait a minute. The cast of the Three Musketeers are all men.

[Lou Costello]

Abbott. When I dream, I do my own casting.

[Bud Abbott]

You ought to be ashamed of yourself. All day long you chase girls and at night you dream about girls.

[Lou Costello]

Yes, and now I'm writing songs about girls. I wrote a song about a girl today.

[Bud Abbott]

What's the name of it?

[Lou Costello]

It's entitled, if you were the only girl in the world and I was the only boy who would I play handball with at the Y?

[Bud Abbott]

You a songwriter? You don't know the first thing about writing songs. Songs should be sentimental. The kind of songs that make money are mother songs.

[Lou Costello]

Oh, I wrote a mother song.

[Bud Abbott]

What's the name of it?

[Lou Costello]

I call it Mother. Mother, don't fall for that chiropractor. He's only pulling your leg. Would you like to have me sing it for you?

[Bud Abbott]

Sing it? Oh, no, no, no. Don't tell me.

[Lou Costello]

Mother.

[Dutch Vet Service Announcer]

Wait a minute.

[Lou Costello]

Don't be pulling your leg. Now, wait a minute. Wait a minute.

[Bud Abbott]

Please, none of that. Don't tell me you're a singer too.

[Lou Costello]

Oh, sure. I used to be a member of that great singing group, the Sons of the Pioneers.

[Bud Abbott]

Why did you leave them?

[Lou Costello]

I ran out of saddle soap.

[Bud Abbott]

I thought so. You can't sing a note.

[Lou Costello]

Yeah, but I'll have you know right now that I'm attending singing school.

[Bud Abbott]

Which one?

[Lou Costello]

It's called the Hollywood Conservatory of Voice Training and Plumbing.

[Bud Abbott]

Plumbing? Why does a singing school teach plumbing?

[Lou Costello]

Well, if your pipes get stopped up, you can fix them yourself. Hey, Uncle Bud.

[Viola Vaughn]

Hey, Uncle Bud.

[Lou Costello]

It's Habit's nephew, folks. The Gregory Peck of the Sunset Bowling Alleys.

[Bud Abbott]

What's on your mind, nephew? Norman.

[Lou Costello]

Uncle Bud, they just got a new girl to play the part of Portia.

[Bud Abbott]

On Portia Faces Life. And the director of the show sent me over to get Costello to come over to the studio right away.

[Lou Costello]

Do they want me to play opposite this girl that's gonna play Portia?

[Bud Abbott]

No, they just want to test her out. And they want her to get a.

[Lou Costello]

Good look at you, Uncle Lou. What for?

[Bud Abbott]

Well, they Figure if she can face you, she can face life.

[Lou Costello]

You know, that f nephew of yours is a lovely boy, Abbott. And folks, the day he was born, his mother took one look at him, went out and put a porcupine in a stork's nest and said to the stork, now we're even.

[Bud Abbott]

Why you always mean to Norman?

[Narrator/Announcer]

Why.

[Bud Abbott]

Why don't you get friendly with him? Invite him over to your house, Lou.

[Lou Costello]

Well, maybe I will. Send him over to my house Saturday. Him and me will play Jackson.

[Bud Abbott]

That's fine.

[Lou Costello]

Yep. Then I can let the car down on his head.

[Bud Abbott]

Ah, you're just jealous of numb because he has such a fine reputation. He's not like you. He wants to make something of himself. All you do is stand around all day and make goo goo eyes at the girls. Why do you make those goo goo eyes?

[Lou Costello]

You know me, Abbott. When I got a goo, I got a goo.

[Bud Abbott]

You'd be better off if you found some nice.

[Lou Costello]

Well, I thought I'd found one, Abbott. Thank goodness I found her out in time.

[Bud Abbott]

What do you mean?

[Lou Costello]

I discovered that she was planning on having a home and children and domestic security.

[Bud Abbott]

What's. What's wrong with that?

[Lou Costello]

Don't you get it? She's a gold digger. And besides, I don't want to get married.

[Bud Abbott]

Shame on you. Shame for that remark. Marriage is a wonderful thing.

[Lou Costello]

Marriage is an institution.

[Bud Abbott]

What do you mean, an institution?

[Lou Costello]

But who wants to live in an institution?

[Bud Abbott]

Marriage.

[Lou Costello]

Marriage is a three ring circus.

[Bud Abbott]

A three ring. What do you mean, a three ring circus?

[Lou Costello]

First comes the engagement ring.

[Bud Abbott]

Yes.

[Lou Costello]

Then the wedding ring. And then suffering false. You never make a good husband in the first place.

[Bud Abbott]

You don't know what a husband is.

[Lou Costello]

Who wouldn't make a good husband?

[Bud Abbott]

You don't know what a husband.

[Lou Costello]

I don't know what a husband is. A husband is what's left of a sweetheart after the nerve has been killed.

[Bud Abbott]

But marriage, Lo.

[Lou Costello]

Marriage is a.

[Bud Abbott]

Marriage is a wonderful thing. Marriage is the union.

[Lou Costello]

If I can find my place, I'll be with you, sonny boy.

[Bud Abbott]

You don't have to find it, Lou. I'll explain it to you. Marriage is the union of two hearts beating as one. Marriage is what brings complete happiness to men and women. Ask any married couple and they'll tell you that marriage is the most wonderful.

[Lou Costello]

Just. Just a minute, Abbott. All the kids are asleep now, so you can tell the truth.

[Bud Abbott]

The trouble with you is that you've never met a girl that would have you.

[Lou Costello]

I did. So I went studying with a redhead for the Past six months. Every night. I used to meet her under a broken streetlight and we'd hug and we'd kiss.

[Bud Abbott]

Well, what happened to her?

[Lou Costello]

Somebody fixed that streetlight Saturday night and I haven't seen.

[Bud Abbott]

I thought so. I thought so. No girl would marry you. You have nothing to offer a girl.

[Lou Costello]

If Hildegard would marry me, I'd have something to offer her.

[Bud Abbott]

Now, what?

[Lou Costello]

Could you give Hildegard a last name?

[Viola Vaughn]

Oh, hello, boys.

[Bud Abbott]

Well, well, it's our charming secretary, Viola Vaughn. Viola Little. You look charming as usual tonight.

[Viola Vaughn]

Thank you. And I'm glad to see you both looking good. Costello, you look exceptionally well.

[Lou Costello]

Thank you, Viola. I feel right in the pink.

[Viola Vaughn]

You are?

[Lou Costello]

Yep. My blue ones are in the laundry. Viola, how about stepping out with me tonight?

[Bud Abbott]

Viola don't want any part of you. Costello, you go with too many girls.

[Viola Vaughn]

Yes, Abbott's right. If you want to go steady with me, there are two things you'll have to do.

[Lou Costello]

Okay, what are they?

[Viola Vaughn]

You'll have to stay away from all the fat girls.

[Lou Costello]

Okay.

[Viola Vaughn]

And you'll have to stay away from all the skinny girls.

[Lou Costello]

Just a minute, Viola. What about all the pretty girls in between?

[Viola Vaughn]

Don't worry, they'll stay away from you.

[Bud Abbott]

That's telling them, Viola. That's a good one.

[Viola Vaughn]

Oh, shovel the almonds in the wagon, Abbott. I'm driving him nuts tonight.

[Lou Costello]

Watch yourself, Viola. Gracie Allen would just love to have two shows.

[Bud Abbott]

Costello, you're just jealous because Viola is a great actress.

[Viola Vaughn]

Yes, he's right, Costello. I started off in vaudeville. Then I went to musical comedy. Then I got in pictures and then I went into radio.

[Lou Costello]

Can't hold a job no place, can you, Viola? I, I I just can't seem to resist you.

[Viola Vaughn]

Lou. Costello, how dare you kiss me.

[Lou Costello]

I was just trying to steal a little fruit in the garden of love.

[Bud Abbott]

You wouldn't know a tomato from a watermelon.

[Lou Costello]

How could I? I never kissed a watermelon.

[Viola Vaughn]

Well, that was quite a kiss. Costello, you know you're not like other boys, Viola.

[Lou Costello]

I've been told that before.

[Viola Vaughn]

By whom?

[Lou Costello]

Other boys.

[Viola Vaughn]

Well, I've got to go now. I'm taking Roomba lessons.

[Lou Costello]

Oh, Viola, how do you rumba?

[Viola Vaughn]

Well, here, I'll show you.

[Lou Costello]

Go ahead.

[Viola Vaughn]

First I put my arm around you, then I throw my left shoulder out. Then we take a step and I throw my left shoulder hip out.

[Lou Costello]

I got that. Now, what part do I throw out?

[Viola Vaughn]

If I had your parts, Costello, I'd throw them all out.

[Narrator/Announcer]

That's only half the fun, folks. Just as many Laughs yet to come. But first listen to this.

[Dutch Vet Service Announcer]

Time is precious. And so are our pets. So time with our pets is extra precious. That's why we started Dutch. Dutch provides 24,7 access to licensed vets with unlimited virtual visits and follow ups for up to five pets. You can message a vet at any time and schedule a video visit the same day. Our vets can even prescribe medication for many ailments and shipping is always free. With Dutch, you'll get more time with your pets and year round peace of mind when it comes to their vet care.

[Lou Costello]

And now the spotlight turns to How Winters, our singing star. Here he is with Matty Malik and his orchestra.

[How Winters]

Look up, look up when everything's looking down Whenever you're low let everything go Come out of that gloomy frown look up, look up Whenever those clouds are gray it's gonna be fun Whenever that sun starts chasing those clouds away there's no room for old man gloom so shake him, you're bound to take him Just try a smile or two but whatever you do look up, look up don't ever give up the fight when everything's wrong it's never too long till everything turns out right so whatever you do look on look up, look up when everything's looking down Whenever you're low, let everything go Come out of that gloomy frown look up, look up Whenever those clouds are gray it's gonna be fun Whenever that sun starts chasing those clouds away there's no room for old men gloom so shake him, you're bound to take him Just try a smile or two but whatever you do look up, look up don't ever give up the fight when everything's wrong it's never too long till everything turns out right so whatever you do, look up.

[Lou Costello]

Oh, that kid has a lovely voice. A lovely voice. Hey, Costella.

[Bud Abbott]

Castella, Come out here.

[Lou Costello]

Boys.

[Bud Abbott]

What were you doing in the dressing room?

[Lou Costello]

Hacking Abbott. I'm getting out of California. I'm disgusted. Every year the same cold, rainy, lousy, unusual weather. Get so now you don't know what kind of clothes to huck anymore.

[Bud Abbott]

Before you leave, you'd better pay your income tax.

[Lou Costello]

Oh, I just got my tax blank from Washington. Them 1949 income tax blanks are printed on paper with real sharp edges.

[Bud Abbott]

Yeah, I noticed the sharp edges edged paper those income tax blanks have this year.

[Lou Costello]

I wonder what that's for. Well, they figured that after you fill it out and see how much money you got left, you can cut your throat with it.

[Bud Abbott]

Did your Uncle Mike make out his tax returns?

[Lou Costello]

Yes. He earned $30,000 last year. But he had a tax accountant figure his tax. And he only paid the government 75 cents.

[Bud Abbott]

Say, I'd like to get that accountant to make out my tax. Where can I get in touch with him?

[Lou Costello]

Just call San Quentin and ask for number 211869.

[Bud Abbott]

Well, Mike should have made out his own tax. Do you know how to pay your tax, Costella?

[Lou Costello]

It's very simple. You just got out of the income tax bureau.

[Bud Abbott]

Yes.

[Lou Costello]

There's a guy sitting there with a big pad and pencil. He's a tax collector.

[Bud Abbott]

Yes.

[Lou Costello]

First he takes all the money he made last year.

[Bud Abbott]

Yes, that's all.

[Lou Costello]

He just takes all the money he made last year.

[Bud Abbott]

Will you please talk sense? What's that you have in your hand? Is that a text?

[Lou Costello]

Blank. Nope. It's a fan letter from one of my Sam Shovel fans.

[Bud Abbott]

What is your Sam Shovel story about tonight, Lou?

[Lou Costello]

Well, in keeping with the income tax season, Abbott, I will do one of my famous income tax cases. I call it the case of the Striptease dancer who was arrested for income tax fraud. Or she took off too much for entertainment.

[Bud Abbott]

Well, that sounds interesting. Let's do it.

[Narrator/Announcer]

And now, the Hooping company, makers of the famous remedy for colds, Hooping cough drops. Present your favorite detective mystery, Sam Shovel, Private Detective. But first, a word about our product, folks. Get a box of hooping cough drops today. It's the only cough drop that contains carbolic acid. Put one in your mouth and watch your cough disappear. Also your tonsils, your tongue and your teeth. Friends, whooping cough drops have instant action. Listen to how they work. Here is a man suffering from a bad cold.

[Bud Abbott]

I'll say I got a bad cold. Give me a whooping cough drop, please.

[Narrator/Announcer]

I will now give this poor man a whooping cough drop. He swallowed it. And now, sir, tell us, how do you feel?

[Viola Vaughn]

Just wonderful. I feel great.

[Narrator/Announcer]

I gotta speak to the factory. They're making those too strong. And now, hooping cough drops proudly present that thriller of thrillers, Sam Shovel, Private detective.

[Lou Costello]

Yes, I'm Sam Shovel. Sam Shovel, Private detective. Well, I gotta go to work now. I gotta knuckle down and write some letters. I hate to knuckle down and write letters. It ain't easy writing letters with your knuckles. I think I'll dictate to my secretary of viola.

[Viola Vaughn]

Yes, Mr. Shovel?

[Lou Costello]

Take a letter.

[Viola Vaughn]

W. Wrong.

[Lou Costello]

I had g. What are we doing? I want a dictator. Later. Dear Mr. Harrington, I've been working on the Harrington case for five years. Mr. Harrington, I've enjoyed working on a Harrington case. Mr. Harrington, you are one of my best clients. And Mr. Harrington, you can count on me. My best to Mrs. Harrington. And to you too, Mr. Harrington.

[Viola Vaughn]

Who shall I send it to?

[Lou Costello]

Rudolph Schlumpheimer.

[Viola Vaughn]

Rudolph Schlumpheimer? But Mr. Shovel, you told me you were going to write to Mr. Prunefurter today.

[Lou Costello]

Okay, then send it to him.

[Viola Vaughn]

Mr. Shovel, are you sure you're feeling all right?

[Lou Costello]

Sure I'm all right. Now you're going, right? You can go now. We'll be back to work. This detective business is very interesting. Last week I solved the case of the missing coal miner. I hunted for him for three weeks and I found him. He was hiding in one of John L. Lewis's eyebrows. I look on my calendar. I've got to go to court against my dentist today. Every six months I bring my dentist to court. I believe in that old saying, sue your dentist twice a year. My pal Lt. Abbott of Homicide squad is going to help me on the case. You've got to admire Lt. Abbott. He's worked hard for the police department for 20 years. He's managed to put aside a nice snissy. You ain't got a dime. Just an S with egg in it.

[Bud Abbott]

Hello, Sam.

[Lou Costello]

Shovel, you're late.

[Bud Abbott]

I couldn't help it, Sam. I just made an important arrest. Some tramps were cooking a pot of coffee next to a fire hydrant.

[Lou Costello]

And you arrested them for that?

[Bud Abbott]

Certainly. He was in a no perking Z.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Hey, Lieutenant Abbott. Lieutenant Abbott. I caught them thieves.

[Bud Abbott]

Sam, this is one of the department's new traffic officers, Sergeant Murphy. Sergeant, how'd you catch those thieves?

[Narrator/Announcer]

Well, sir, they was shooting up Sunset in a new Hudson going 90 miles an hour. And I forced them over to the curb. What a chase.

[Bud Abbott]

Good work, good work. I hope you didn't damage your motorcycle.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Oh, I'm supposed to have a motorcy.

[Bud Abbott]

Never mind. I'm Sam, I need your help on an income tax case. It's Gertie, the queen of the gamblers. She'll listen to you. You know her. You were kids together.

[Lou Costello]

Yes. Gambling, Gertie. Even when she was a kid, she was a gambler. I remember how I used to help her carry her bookies home from school.

[Bud Abbott]

Were you in love with her, Sam?

[Lou Costello]

Yes, but it was just puppy love and she broke it off.

[Bud Abbott]

When did she break it off?

[Lou Costello]

Soon as she found out I wasn't a puppy.

[Bud Abbott]

Sam, we're wasting time gaming. Gertie has been defrauding the government on her income tax and We've got to go to her place and arrest her. Come on.

[Lou Costello]

Lieutenant Abbott and I went down to gambling Gertie's joint. As we walked in, there she stood. I spoke to her. Gertie, it's nice to see you. You look lovely. With those long, tapering legs and your sleek, well, rounded form. You look as smooth as glass.

[Viola Vaughn]

Sam, this is me over here. You're looking at the water cooler.

[Lou Costello]

Sam.

[Bud Abbott]

Way up to her. Remember, we're after information. Go ahead, give her a kiss.

[Lou Costello]

Gertie, you're as sweet as ever.

[Viola Vaughn]

Aw, Sam, you haven't changed a bit. I can see the love light in your eyes. Come to my arms, Sam. Let me put my head on your shoulder. Ah, that's it. Now put your arms around me. Oh, that's fine. Now, Sam, put your head close to mine. Aw, Sam, you're so sweet.

[Bud Abbott]

Sam, why don't you kiss her?

[Lou Costello]

How can I? She's fighting me.

[Viola Vaughn]

Oh, Sam, I want to kiss you in the worst way.

[Lou Costello]

Try it with a mouth full of bubble gum. That's the worst way.

[Bud Abbott]

Enough of this nonsense. Gertie, you're under arrest. We're taking you to jail. You made false statements on your income tax.

[Viola Vaughn]

What false statement?

[Lou Costello]

Oh, that's your line.

[Bud Abbott]

$10,000 for dresses charged to entertainment. Dresses are an entertainment?

[Viola Vaughn]

The way I wear them, they are.

[Lou Costello]

Gertie, you're going to jail.

[Viola Vaughn]

Aw, you can't let him take me to jail. Aw, think of it. Me all alone in jail. No one to love me. No one to hug me, no one to kiss me. Ah, think of it. Beautiful. Me all alone in jail. Sam, come back here. Where are you going?

[Lou Costello]

Want to get my hat and go with you. Get him out of here.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Now, before Abbott and Costello have their final fling, we bring you one more thought on this sub.

[Bud Abbott]

Come back here, Costello.

[Lou Costello]

We're not finished yet, AB I'm in a hurry. I gotta get home and finish my new song.

[Bud Abbott]

You're writing another song?

[Lou Costello]

Yes, and it's a dandy. It's so sentimental. It's about Mother.

[Bud Abbott]

A mother song, eh? What's the name of it?

[Lou Costello]

It's entitled Mother. When I saw you sitting on the whistle of that train, I knew you were out on a toot, you dummy.

[Bud Abbott]

You better leave writing to the boys who write our show. Folks, our writing staff is headed by Eddie Foreman with Paul Conlon, Pat Costello, Martin Ragaway and Len Stern.

[Lou Costello]

Yes, and to our producer, Charles Vander. We'll be back with you next Tuesday night, Thursday night.

[Bud Abbott]

Good night, folks.

[Lou Costello]

Good night.

[Bud Abbott]

Good night, everybody.

[Lou Costello]

Good night, everybody at Madison.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Good night. Listen every Thursday night at this time for another great Addison Costello show, produced and transcribed in Hollywood. Be sure to stay tuned for the outstanding entertainment which follows throughout the evening on this ABC station.