Abbott &Costello Sam Shovel 48-12-30 (249)The Murder At The Radio Quiz Show

Summary

Podcast Title: Harold's Old Time Radio
Episode: Abbott & Costello - "Sam Shovel 48-12-30 (249) The Murder At The Radio Quiz Show"
Release Date: June 17, 2025
Host/Author: Harold's Old Time Radio

---

Introduction

In this lively episode of "Harold's Old Time Radio," listeners are transported back to the Golden Age of Radio, featuring the timeless comedy duo Bud Abbott and Lou Costello. The episode titled "The Murder At The Radio Quiz Show" intertwines classic Abbott and Costello humor with a detective narrative led by the fictional private investigator, Sam Shovel. Set against the backdrop of a New Year's Eve celebration, the episode masterfully blends comedy sketches, character interactions, and musical interludes to create an engaging listening experience.

---

Abbott and Costello's Banter

The episode kicks off with the familiar banter between Bud Abbott and Lou Costello, establishing their comedic chemistry and setting the stage for the ensuing humor.

• Bud Abbott:
  "It's time for the Abbott and Costello Show. We're on the air for ABC here in Hollywood."
  (00:01)

• Lou Costello:
  "Well, what are we waiting for? Let's go with the Abbott and Costello Show..."
  (00:05)

Their playful exchange continues as they discuss various topics, including Costello's supposed threatening letter, leading to a series of humorous misunderstandings and quips.

• Lou Costello:
  "After all, I got a threatening letter today. Somebody wants to kill me."
  (00:54)

• Bud Abbott:
  "Well, what are you gonna do about the letter, Lou?"
  (01:58)

These interactions highlight their signature slapstick and wordplay, engaging listeners with their timeless humor.

---

Planning for New Year's Eve

A significant portion of the episode centers around Abbott and Costello's preparations for their upcoming New Year's Eve party. Their conversation reveals both their personal lives and comedic mishaps in planning the festivities.

• Lou Costello:
  "I'm giving a big party tomorrow night. It's New Year's Eve..."
  (04:15)

• Bud Abbott:
  "Why do you have to have Earl Flynn and Hedy?"
  (04:20)

The duo humorously discusses guest lists, family dynamics, and the challenges of hosting a successful party, all while maintaining their characteristic comedic timing.

---

Introduction of Viola Vaughan

The character Viola Vaughan makes her entrance, adding another layer of humor and interaction to the episode. Abbott and Costello attempt to engage her in conversation, leading to a series of comedic exchanges.

• Bud Abbott:
  "Well, look Castell, it's our secretary, Viola Vaughan."
  (09:23)

• Lou Costello:
  "Viola, that was very, very funny..."
  (11:15)

Viola's interactions with Lou Costello are filled with playful banter and misunderstandings, enhancing the episode's comedic appeal.

---

Sam Shovel's Detective Storyline

A pivotal segment features Sam Shovel, a private detective played by Lou Costello, who delves into a mystery titled "The Murder at the Radio Quiz Show." This narrative thread adds a detective twist to the episode, blending mystery with comedy.

• Lou Costello as Sam Shovel:
  "It's one of my greatest cases. Habit. I call it the Murder at the Radio Quiz show..."
  (19:20)

Sam Shovel narrates his investigation, encountering quirky characters and humorous obstacles, all while engaging in witty dialogue with Bud Abbott.

• Bud Abbott:
  "Well, never mind that, Sam. What is your Sam Shovel Detective mystery about tonight?"
  (19:20)

This storyline offers a refreshing twist, allowing listeners to enjoy a humorous take on detective fiction intertwined with the classic Abbott and Costello dynamic.

---

Musical Interlude: Hal Winters Performs "Dancing"

Interspersed within the comedic segments is a musical performance by Hal Winters, providing a melodic pause and enriching the overall listening experience.

• Hal Winters:
  "In the Dark Till the tune Ends. We're dancing in the dark and it soon ends..."
  (15:08)

The song "Dancing" offers a romantic and reflective moment, contrasting the high-energy comedy and adding depth to the episode's atmosphere.

---

Climax: The Murder at the Radio Quiz Show

As the New Year's Eve party reaches its peak, the detective storyline converges with the main cast, culminating in the unveiling of the murder mystery.

• Lou Costello as Sam Shovel:
  "What a New Year's Eve. The police department is going nuts with a traffic problem..."
  (23:42)

Conflict arises as Sam Shovel interacts with other characters, leading to comedic revelations and misunderstandings that tie back into the central mystery.

---

Conclusion and Wrap-Up

The episode gracefully winds down with Abbott and Costello summarizing their adventures, extending New Year's wishes to listeners, and remarking on their humorous experiences throughout the party.

• Lou Costello:
  "Yes, folks, and I'd like to wish all of our listeners health, wealth and prosperity in 1949..."
  (29:00)

• Bud Abbott:
  "And the producer, Charles Vander. Good night, folks."
  (29:13)

Their closing remarks reinforce the camaraderie and warmth that define their enduring partnership, leaving listeners with a sense of nostalgia and amusement.

---

Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• Lou Costello (00:54):
  "After all, I got a threatening letter today. Somebody wants to kill me."

• Bud Abbott (04:20):
  "Why do you have to have Earl Flynn and Hedy?"

• Lou Costello as Sam Shovel (19:20):
  "It's one of my greatest cases. Habit. I call it the Murder at the Radio Quiz show..."

• Viola Vaughan (09:28):
  "Well, ah, Viola. Fine. You give me the wrong place, kid."

• Hal Winters (15:08):
  "In the Dark Till the tune Ends. We're dancing in the dark and it soon ends..."

---

Final Thoughts

This episode of "Harold's Old Time Radio" brilliantly captures the essence of Abbott and Costello's comedic genius while introducing a captivating detective subplot. The seamless integration of humor, character development, and musical elements offers a rich and engaging experience for both long-time fans and newcomers alike. "The Murder At The Radio Quiz Show" stands as a testament to the enduring appeal of classic radio entertainment.

Transcript

[Lou Costello]

Hey, Abbott, what time is it?

[Bud Abbott]

It's time for the Abbott and Costello Show. We're on the air for ABC here in Hollywood.

[Lou Costello]

Well, what are we waiting for? Let's go with the Abbott and Costello Show. Yes, it's the Abbott and Costello show, produced and transcribed in Hollywood for your listening and laughing pleasure. Chuckles with a car load and music by Matty Malny. So hold on to your chairs, folks.

[Bud Abbott]

For here they are, Bud Abbott and Lou Costello. All right, stop that racket. Where have you been all afternoon?

[Lou Costello]

Where I've been all afternoon? I took a tour of the movie stars homes. I passed Gregory Peck's house and said, gee, I'd like to have his Cadillac. Then I passed Clark Gable's house and I said, gee, I'd like to have his yacht. Then I passed Harry James House and I said, yes, what would I do with his trumpet? You know, I shouldn't be kidding, Abbit. I mean, after all, I got a threatening letter today. Somebody wants to kill me. That's why I got this.

[Bud Abbott]

How many people listen to you every week, Costello?

[Lou Costello]

Well, let me see. All I get about 12 million.

[Bud Abbott]

That's amazing.

[Lou Costello]

Then I got. Oh, you mean that I got so many listeners?

[Bud Abbott]

No, now that you only got one threatening letter.

[Lou Costello]

Show me where it says that in the script. Show me where it says that in the script. Hmm. Well, never mind, never mind. What are you gonna do about the letter? Oh, that's your line. Excuse me.

[Bud Abbott]

Never mind. What are you gonna do about the letter?

[Lou Costello]

That's where I heard it.

[Bud Abbott]

Yeah, that's where I heard it. Well, what are you gonna do about the letter, Lou?

[Lou Costello]

Well, the person who sent me the letter, maybe he may be in the audience tonight. I'm gonna search everybody out there. I'm gonna start with that blonde in the front row.

[Bud Abbott]

Nah, nah, nah, nah, don't be silly, Carcello. A beautiful girl like that wouldn't be carrying a gun.

[Lou Costello]

You look for what you like and I'll.

[Bud Abbott]

You aren't so ignorant and stupid you wouldn't pay any attention to the letter.

[Lou Costello]

Who? Stupid and ignorant. I was very smart in school. When a teacher asked a question, I was always the first one to raise my hand. You are. And sometimes it was to answer the question. Hey, wait a minute, boys. Here's a serious looking fella trying to.

[Bud Abbott]

Get a word in edgewise. Let's see what he has to. Sam. Hey.

[Lou Costello]

My little Abbott son of a gun.

[Bud Abbott]

Hey, Abbot, stop that yelling. Come over here. What have you been doing in that telephone booth all afternoon?

[Lou Costello]

Well, I'm Giving a big party tomorrow night. It's New Year's Eve, you know, and I've just got to get Earl Flynn and Hedy Lamar as my guest of honor.

[Bud Abbott]

Why do you have to have Earl Flynn and Hedy?

[Lou Costello]

Well, you see, Abbot, this year, New Year's Eve comes on Friday night. Friday night. And I can't serve any meat. So I thought it would be kind of nice to have Flynn and Hetty.

[Bud Abbott]

Well, never mind that. Is your brother Pat going to have a nice New Year's this year?

[Lou Costello]

Oh, yes.

[Bud Abbott]

You know, this is the first year since he's been out of the Navy, Lou?

[Lou Costello]

Yeah, she's very happy about it. The veterans committee got him an apartment for $250 a month. Does he.

[Bud Abbott]

Does. Does he like it?

[Lou Costello]

Yes. Him and his wife and his baby and his father in law and his mother in law are all living there in one room.

[Bud Abbott]

Well, isn't it kind of crowded?

[Lou Costello]

Only at night when the landlord backs his car in.

[Bud Abbott]

You mean that Pat is living in a garage and paying $250 a month? That's ridiculous. I bet I could. I could rent that same garage for $50 a month.

[Lou Costello]

Yeah, but you ain't a veteran.

[Bud Abbott]

I. You can say that again.

[Lou Costello]

Why should I say that again? It didn't get a laugh the first time.

[Bud Abbott]

Garcelle, I don't know I even talk to you. Why don't you pack up your things and go where all other morons go?

[Lou Costello]

That's silly, Abbott. What would I do?

[Bud Abbott]

Well, never mind that. I want you to remember that 1949 is only a couple of days off. And I hope that next year you'll settle down and get married.

[Lou Costello]

What for?

[Bud Abbott]

You should get married. Don't you miss being married? Don't you miss having a little woman around the house?

[Lou Costello]

No. I hang wet nylons in the bathroom. I scatter bobby pins all over the floor. I smear all my towels with lipstick. And you'll be surprised how I don't notice there isn't a woman around.

[Bud Abbott]

Well, if you come to my house tomorrow night, I'm having quite a party and I'll introduce you to some nice girls.

[Lou Costello]

Well, I can, Abbott. You see, we're having a party at my Uncle Mike's house and I can't wait to play that new game he invented. This game will take the place of jigsaw puzzles.

[Bud Abbott]

How do you play it?

[Lou Costello]

Well, you open up a can of crushed pineapple and try to put the pieces together.

[Bud Abbott]

But are you going to play any other game?

[Lou Costello]

Oh, sure. We play the regular game we play at our house every New Year's Eve. It's called scotch punch.

[Bud Abbott]

How do you play? How do you play that?

[Lou Costello]

I punch the first guy that touches the scotch.

[Bud Abbott]

Will your uncle Mike be at the party?

[Lou Costello]

I don't think so, Abbott. He's in jail for reckless driving. You know the sheriff won't let him out.

[Bud Abbott]

He won't?

[Lou Costello]

No.

[Bud Abbott]

Well, if the sheriff won't let him out. You know the mayor, the Vita. You know him?

[Lou Costello]

Mayor, the Vita? Yeah, sure.

[Bud Abbott]

Why don't you call him? Maybe he could swing it. You must know somebody that can swing it.

[Lou Costello]

I think I'll call Carmen Miranda.

[Bud Abbott]

Carmen Randa. She don't even know the sheriff.

[Lou Costello]

I know. But brother, can she swing it. Oh, Mr. Costello.

[Bud Abbott]

Mr. Costello, you've got to help me.

[Lou Costello]

What's the matter, young man? Well, my wife wants to send me to a sanitarium. Why?

[Bud Abbott]

Because I like french fried potatoes.

[Lou Costello]

What's wrong with that, young man? I love french fried potatoes myself. You do Mr. Costello? Certainly. Then you must come over to my house.

[Bud Abbott]

I've got trunks and trunks just full of french fried potatoes.

[Lou Costello]

You know Abbott, he looks familiar to me. I think I saw him at the $2 winner at the bank of America.

[Bud Abbott]

Wait a minute. I've heard of a. A paying window, a receiving window and a loan window. But since when have they got a two dollar window at the bank of America?

[Lou Costello]

Ever since the President went out to San Anita. So do business are doing with theirs. You ought to go out to the racetrack, Abbott. It runs like a machine.

[Bud Abbott]

A machine?

[Lou Costello]

Yeah. Vacuum cleaner. The only place in the world where the windows clean the people. I hope you'll pardon the intrusion, boys, but you remember me. I was candidate for representative from your district.

[Bud Abbott]

Oh, politician Harry Brown.

[Lou Costello]

Yes, gentlemen, yes. The same Harry Brown that promised to clean up the city, close up all the pool halls, bring back prohibition and finish the Hollywood Freeway. Mr. Brown, what are you doing now?

[Bud Abbott]

Nothing.

[Lou Costello]

I was elected.

[Bud Abbott]

By the way, Castell, I want to thank you for inviting my sister, my wife and sister Babe to. To the Rose bowl with you next New Year's Day. But I still. I still can't understand why you invited us.

[Lou Costello]

Very simple, Abbott. Both your wife and your sister Babe have peroxide blonde hair.

[Bud Abbott]

What's that got to do with it?

[Lou Costello]

Well, they're all out of tickets and I figured I'd better bring my own bleachers.

[Bud Abbott]

I.

[Viola Vaughan]

Well, good evening boys.

[Bud Abbott]

Well look Castell, it's our secretary, Viola Vaughan.

[Lou Costello]

Well, ah, Viola. Fine. You give me the wrong place, kid.

[Bud Abbott]

Costello, you ought to be ashamed of yourself. Viola has only been in California a short time and you should try to make her feel at home. Say something nice to her.

[Lou Costello]

All right. Viola, old girl, it's been frightfully nice seeing you again. Frightfully nice.

[Viola Vaughan]

Oh, thank you. And it's been frightful seeing you again.

[Bud Abbott]

Quiet, Costella. Let me handle it. Viola, you look tres chaumont tonight.

[Lou Costello]

Oui, oui, En oo la la.

[Viola Vaughan]

Do you speak French?

[Lou Costello]

Oh, I get around listening to Chevrolet Coupe, Griffith Park.

[Viola Vaughan]

Costello, that wouldn't get you very far in France.

[Lou Costello]

Yeah, do pretty good with Glendale.

[Bud Abbott]

Pay no attention to him. Viola, how would you like to come over to my house New Year's Eve for a little late supper?

[Viola Vaughan]

Is it going to be a buffet?

[Bud Abbott]

Is it going to be what?

[Viola Vaughan]

Buffet.

[Lou Costello]

Buffet Abbot, don't be a dope. You know what buffet is. That's French for let's go to the table and slug it all among ourselves.

[Bud Abbott]

On second thought, Costello, I don't think I want you at my house on New Year's Eve. Your table manners are atrocious.

[Viola Vaughan]

Oh, Mr. Abbott. Let him come over to our house, Costello, you just watch me. I have perfect table manners.

[Lou Costello]

Well, is that so? Well, there's one thing I've been meaning to ask you. Every time you drink coffee, you always stick your finger straight out. What's that for?

[Viola Vaughan]

That's where you hang the wet donuts.

[Lou Costello]

Viola, that was very, very funny. And all I can say to you is what the skunk would say to his brother. What are the skunks?

[Bud Abbott]

Skunk.

[Lou Costello]

I still would like to know what page you're on.

[Bud Abbott]

What did the skunk say to his brother?

[Lou Costello]

I beg your pardon?

[Bud Abbott]

What did the skunk.

[Lou Costello]

All right, folks, we all go Back to page 16.

[Bud Abbott]

What did the skunk say to his brother? Brother?

[Lou Costello]

Got your teeth back in, eh?

[Bud Abbott]

Answer the question, yes or no?

[Lou Costello]

I'll just have it just once more.

[Bud Abbott]

What did the skunk say to his brother?

[Lou Costello]

You do too. You do.

[Viola Vaughan]

Oh, now, please don't get mad, Costello.

[Bud Abbott]

Don't get mad.

[Lou Costello]

I'm happy. Continue.

[Viola Vaughan]

This is the end of the new year and New Year's Eve.

[Bud Abbott]

The end of the old year There.

[Lou Costello]

Could have been the end of the script.

[Bud Abbott]

What did you say?

[Viola Vaughan]

Honey, this is the end of the old year on New Year's Eve. Now I'm going to give you the hottest, burning, sizzlingest kiss you've ever had.

[Lou Costello]

You are?

[Viola Vaughan]

Yes.

[Lou Costello]

Attention, New York and Chicago. Stay tuned in. This may be just what you need to melt the snow off your Streets.

[Bud Abbott]

Castella, I've come to the conclusion that you are the most unintelligent, ignorant, stupid nincompoop in the state of California.

[Lou Costello]

Well, a fella's got to make good at something. I still like that skunk a hunka line of yours.

[Bud Abbott]

Viola, we're starting a new year in a few days and I'd like you to stay with us as our secretary. You like the job, don't you?

[Viola Vaughan]

Well, Mr. Abbott, I don't really know. You see, I was a secretary for an insurance man. Then I worked in a bank. But my mother is a little skeptical about my working for Hollywood actors.

[Lou Costello]

Viola, has your mother been telling you that old stuff about how actors are all wolves? That they do nothing but chase girls and go to parties and that they're all up all night whooping and hollering and that no self respecting girl should associate with them?

[Viola Vaughan]

Well, yes, she has.

[Lou Costello]

Well, do you want to know something?

[Viola Vaughan]

What?

[Lou Costello]

She's so right. Hate to break it up, man, but it's time to change the subject for.

[Bud Abbott]

Just about 60 seconds.

[Lou Costello]

Ladies and gentlemen, all over the world, let's end this year on a good note. Here's Hal Winter singing with Matty Malnick's orchestra, a very beautiful ballad entitled Dancing.

[Hal Winters]

In the Dark Till the tune Ends. We're dancing in the dark and it soon ends we're waltz sing in the wonder of why we're here Time worries why we're here and gone Looking for the light of a new love to brighten up the night I have you, love and we can face the music together Dancing in the dark what though love is old? What though song is old? Through them we can be young Hear this heart of mine make yours part of mine Dear.

[Lou Costello]

One.

[Hal Winters]

Tell me that we're one Till the tune ends we're dancing in the dark I have you, love and we can face the music together Dancing in the dark.

[Lou Costello]

Come over here.

[Bud Abbott]

What are you writing in that little book?

[Lou Costello]

I beg your pardon?

[Bud Abbott]

What are you writing in that little book?

[Lou Costello]

What are you perspiring for?

[Bud Abbott]

I'm asking you, Costello.

[Lou Costello]

Here.

[Bud Abbott]

What are you writing in that little book?

[Lou Costello]

I got four New Year's resolutions written in here. Abbott for 1949. Here's what I'm gonna do. Resolution number one. I resolve to improve my handwriting.

[Bud Abbott]

Now that's good. What is number two?

[Lou Costello]

How do you like that? I can't read it.

[Bud Abbott]

Well, skip it. What's number three?

[Lou Costello]

Love thy neighbor.

[Bud Abbott]

And number four?

[Lou Costello]

Move next door to Hedy Lamar.

[Bud Abbott]

Why don't you make up a Sensible list of resolutions.

[Lou Costello]

Well, I'm only kidding, but I got a sensible. Listen to this. Number one, give up going to nightclubs. Number two, give up going with girls. Number three, give up resolutions number one. And number two.

[Bud Abbott]

Talk, Sam, please.

[Lou Costello]

I like the one about love thy neighbor.

[Bud Abbott]

Yeah, but where? Where are you going to spend New Year's Eve, Lou?

[Lou Costello]

Well, I could go to Ava. Ava Gardner's party. There's only one thing that's stopping me.

[Bud Abbott]

What's that?

[Lou Costello]

She didn't invite me.

[Bud Abbott]

That shows you how popular you are with the girls.

[Lou Costello]

Personally, I don't care about girls.

[Bud Abbott]

You don't, eh?

[Lou Costello]

Just so I'm popular with my Sam Shovel detector fans. The listeners love me, Abbott. Just listen to this note I got today. Dear Lou Costello, a Sam Shovel private detective. You are wonderful. You kill me. If you ain't the funniest guy on the radio, I'm a monkey's uncle. I'm coming to the studio tonight. Mr. Costello, there's someone here to see you. Show the man in.

[Bud Abbott]

It's no man, just a monkey with his unc. Well, never mind him, Costello. What is your Sam Shovel Detective mystery about tonight?

[Lou Costello]

It's one of my greatest cases. Habit. I call it the Murder at the Radio Quiz show or I've got a body in a balcony, Doctor.

[Bud Abbott]

Well, that sounds like a dandy.

[Lou Costello]

Let's do it right. Yes, I'm Sam Shovel. Sam Shovel, private detective. I'll take any kind of a case. If you need a detective to shadow somebody, call me. If you need evidence for a divorce, call me. If you need a detective with courage and fortitude, call me. If your life is threatened by a mob of desperate armed criminals and you need somebody to shoot it out with them, there's plenty of other detectives you can call. As I sit here at my desk, I decide to read. I pick up my newspaper. It's the Herald Express. I see an ad for California grapefruit. You can always tell it, genuine California grapefruit. If it don't squirt juice, it squirts fog. While reading, I decide to smoke. I reach for my old Indian peace pipe. It's a genuine old Indian peace pipe. Instead of tobacco, it's filled with pieces of old Indians. I glance out the wind at the beautiful secretary across the hall. She's wearing a new mink coat she got for Christmas. She got that mean coat the hard way. The hard way. She bought it herself. I hear a strange sound coming from the dentist's office next door. Molars. Right face my cuspids. Squads Left. He's drilling somebody's teeth. My ceiling just cracked. Piece of plaster fell on my desk. There's something written on the plaster. It's as wide as a chicken cross the street. It's corn plaster. My ceiling is full of old cracks. So are my riders. On my wall I notice a picture of Trigger Finger Tessie. What a girl. She shot from the hip and she could hit anything. Then one day she bought a gun, but she threw it away. She found out she could hit more people with a hip. Tessie was a gun Ma. Every time she started to pull a job. I cooked her goose in Cleveland. I cooked her goose in Boston. I cooked her goose in Albany. I cooked her goose. And one day she asked me to marry her. She said, sam, nobody can cook a goose like you. I gave her a job as my secretary, but she never could get any work done in the office. She was a bottleneck. Every time I opened a bottle, she'd want a neck. Well, here I am all alone, and it's New Year's Eve. I look out at the window at the crowds in the street. What a racket. Everybody celebrating. Half the men. Half the men have noisemakers. The other half left their wives home. In the crowd, I see my pal, Lieutenant Abbott of the Homicide squad. Abbott is a shrewd cop, but he's very tight with money. He gave his wife a bottle of perfume for Christmas. The perfume was so cheap that when she put on her fur coat, two moths flew out, hole in her nose. Lt. Ammet is a drinking man, and how he loves beer. But in 1949, he's going on the wagon. Not because he wants to quit drinking, but he figures if he goes on a wagon he'll have to be that much closer to the beer. Suddenly, my office door opens.

[Bud Abbott]

Hello, Sam.

[Lou Costello]

Shovel.

[Bud Abbott]

Happy New Year. Where have you been? I haven't seen you all week.

[Lou Costello]

I've been helping out with a Christmas rush at Nancy's Department Store. They fired me. I made a mistake. I took a sign off a dress and put it on a bathtub.

[Bud Abbott]

What did the sign say?

[Lou Costello]

How would you like to see your girl in this for $1 98?

[Bud Abbott]

Never mind that, Sam. Are you coming to my house to play poker?

[Lou Costello]

None of your wife is going to play.

[Bud Abbott]

What's the matter with my wife? She's a great poker player. My wife has a real poker face.

[Lou Costello]

Every time I see her, I want a poker face.

[Bud Abbott]

What a New Year's Eve. The police department is going nuts with a traffic problem. I wonder how Officer McShane is doing on Hollywood and Vine.

[Lou Costello]

Officer McShane is now at Sunset in Figueroa.

[Bud Abbott]

Who moved them away down there?

[Lou Costello]

Brand new red Hudson going 90 miles an hour.

[Bud Abbott]

Ah, forget about that. Are you going to a nightclub to celebrate New Year's Eve?

[Lou Costello]

Not me, Lieutenant Abbott. It's too expensive. I went to a Hollywood nightclub Saturday night. Ringside tables were $50. The last row was $25. Cost $5. Way back at the bar I paid 50 cents.

[Bud Abbott]

Could you see the show?

[Lou Costello]

Yes, I did, but it was very annoying. All night long some guy kept brushing me off with a whisperoom.

[Bud Abbott]

Look, why didn't you come to my house tonight, Sam? It'll be a swell party. Bring that cute little redhead you met yesterday.

[Lou Costello]

I had her out last night. We went to Griffith park and sat on the bench. Every time I kissed her, she pulled her hair out of her head.

[Bud Abbott]

Well, bring it to the body.

[Lou Costello]

Lieutenant, how would it look for me to walk into your house with a bald headed girl? I know who I'll bring. Gertie. Gertie. She's a swell at a party. She's a scream.

[Bud Abbott]

Does she play piano?

[Lou Costello]

No.

[Bud Abbott]

Does she sing?

[Lou Costello]

No.

[Bud Abbott]

What does she do?

[Lou Costello]

She screams. Where's Sam Shovel? Where's Sam Shovel, the great detective?

[Hal Winters]

I gotta see Sam Shovel.

[Bud Abbott]

Oh, please calm down, sir. What's the matter? Please, there's something. Something on your mind.

[Lou Costello]

There must be something on his mind. There's nothing on his head. Stop joking, Stan Shubble. You gotta help me, please. There's something the matter with my wife. She's asleep. I can't wake her up.

[Bud Abbott]

Sam.

[Lou Costello]

I can't wake up my wife. Have you tried shaking her? Shaking her? I've been doing better than that. For the past two hours I've been.

[Bud Abbott]

Hitting her on the head with a hammer. Sam, it's New Year's Eve. Forget you're a detective. Let's go to my house for a New Year's party. Well, Sam, how are you enjoying the party?

[Lou Costello]

Fine.

[Viola Vaughan]

Attention everybody. We're going to play games now. Everybody's got to get up and do something to attend.

[Bud Abbott]

Hey, let Sam Shovel get up first.

[Lou Costello]

Come on. Friends and countrymen and other stuff that goes with it. I'll do the best I can to entertain you. But remember, I'm just a private detective. I'm not an entertainer.

[Bud Abbott]

You can say that again.

[Lou Costello]

Who's that, Lieutenant?

[Bud Abbott]

The president of abc. I had to invite him.

[Lou Costello]

As I said before, friends, I'll do my best to entertain you. How would you like to see some of my famous Magic tricks. Okay. Okay. Now, Lieutenant Abbott, may I borrow your handkerchief? Thank you. Now, Mr. President of ABC, may I borrow your watch?

[Bud Abbott]

Okay.

[Lou Costello]

Here. But be careful with it. My wife gave it to me for Christmas. Good. Now, watch me carefully. First, I wrapped the watch in the handkerchief. I tie four knots in the handkerchief. Now I place it on the floor and jump up and down on it like this.

[Bud Abbott]

Hey, what kind of a trick is that?

[Lou Costello]

You busted my watch to pieces. Yes, but I want you to notice there's not one wrinkle in the handkerchief. Get her out of here. Adam Costello will have the last word, as usual.

[Bud Abbott]

But before they go, we'd like you to ponder this.

[Lou Costello]

Sam.

[Bud Abbott]

Well, Costello, the next show we do will be next year.

[Lou Costello]

Yes, folks, and I'd like to wish all of our listeners health, wealth and prosperity in 1949 and that.

[Bud Abbott]

And that goes for all the folks that work for us. Matty Malnick and his fine crew of musicians and our vocalists, Hal Winters.

[Lou Costello]

And don't forget Viola Vaughn. And our writing staff, which is headed by Eddie Farmer with Paul Conlon, Pat Costello, Martin Ragaway and Len Stern.

[Bud Abbott]

And our producer, Charles Vander. Good night, folks.

[Lou Costello]

Good night, everybody. And happy New Year to everybody in Patterson, New Jersey, and all over the world. Happy New Year, Mother. And everybody listen each Thursday night at.

[Bud Abbott]

This time for another great Abbott and.

[Lou Costello]

Costello show produced and transcribed in Hollywood. Be sure to stay tuned for the outstanding entertainment which follows throughout the evening on this ABC stat. Sam.