Abie's Irish Rose 44-06-17 (108) Summer Hotel Owners

Summary

Podcast Summary: Harold's Old Time Radio

Episode: Abie's Irish Rose 44-06-17 (108) "Summer Hotel Owners"
Release Date: September 16, 2025
Podcast Host: Harold’s Old Time Radio
Episode Theme: A comedic escapade at Looney Lake Lodge, as two families try to save their summer hotel from disaster after a health scare sends guests into a panic. The episode features cultural humor, witty banter, and farcical problem-solving characteristic of classic radio sitcoms.

---

Episode Overview

This episode transports listeners to the Golden Age of Radio with a rebroadcast of "Abie's Irish Rose." The plot centers on the chaos and comedic misadventures that unfold when the two central fathers, Patrick and Solomon, attempt to manage the Looney Lake Lodge in the Catskills. After an inadvertent health scare about the twins having scarlet fever, guests begin to flee, and it's up to the families and their quirky staff to restore order, save their business, and provide entertainment, all while delivering laughs and sharp dialogue reflective of the era.

---

Key Discussion Points & Storyline Highlights

1. Setting the Scene: Hotel in Crisis

Introduction to disaster (01:32–02:32)

• The fathers have recently taken over as hotel managers. Already, they've lost their chef and accidentally panicked the guests by spreading (mistakenly) that the twins have scarlet fever.

• The episode picks up as Mr. & Mrs. Cohen wake up to the aftermath and try to navigate the fallout, humorously discussing hotel breakfast policies.

  Mrs. Cohen: “Why did Solomon go around last night telling people the twins have scarlet fever? Does he want to lose all the hotel gas?” (04:08)

2. The Breakfast Banter & Rumors Spread

(03:24–04:32)

• The hotel’s meal schedule is explained with tongue-in-cheek logic about knowing "the right man" to extend eating hours.
• The cause of the panic is explained: the twins only have a stomach rash, not scarlet fever, but rumors have spread via a comical echo incident.

3. Trying to Prevent a Mass Exodus

(06:04–07:32)

• The lobby is filled with guests checking out, “by the dozen.”

• The family consults quick-fix ideas, including providing entertainment—a floor show with dancing girls.

• Conflict arises over who will “pick the dancing girls,” with Mrs. Cohen humorously asserting her control:

  Mrs. Cohen: “If you want to look at a girl, look at me. I’m plenty for you.” (05:14)

4. Desperate Solutions: Proving There’s No Scarlet Fever

(09:09–11:46)

• Cohen and Lily attempt to bring the twins downstairs to reassure guests they are healthy.

• Dressing the babies proves to be a farcical struggle, adding to the slapstick.

  Mr. Cohen: “Gosh, I, I never dressed a baby before. I wonder where you start.” (10:26)

5. Seeking Help from Seth, the Handyman

(12:01–14:20)

• Seth, the wry handyman, is introduced. He boasts about his 35-year engagement and is asked to help retain guests.

• He doesn’t have an immediate solution, but claims he's "working on it," giving the scene a ticking-clock tension.

  Seth: “Well, I ain’t worked around Looney Lake for 50 years without getting ideas.” (13:33)

6. Accidental Brilliance: The Bus Crash

(16:41–17:42)

• A crash is heard: the hotel bus has blocked the driveway, trapping guests and taxis; no one can leave!

• It’s humorously implied Seth may have orchestrated this “solution.”

  Seth: “Well, that darn bus just got out of control and went into a regular tailspin. Must have been reading my mind.” (17:35)

• The guests are forced to stay, buying time for the hotel owners to fix their image.

7. Turning Panic into a Party: Entertainment Strategy

(19:14–21:42)

• The group decides to lure guests back with music—Lily sings “San Fernando Valley,” accompanied by live musicians.

• Despite this, attention remains on the bus being removed; the musical attempt is only “worth 50%.”

  Patrick: “But it’s only worth 50%. Plus, the guests are still outside.” (21:39)

8. Arrival of a Distinguished Guest and Dancing Girls

(22:01–23:48)

• The arrival of “Boris Sergey Alexander P. Ivan Bagel, for short Butch,” a flamboyant foreigner, accompanied by a dozen pretty girls, draws a crowd.

  Patrick: “Hey, it’s just like the Pied Pipers.” (22:46)

• Both men and women guests follow the new arrivals back into the hotel, restoring its clientele.

9. Introducing Boris Bagel: Humor and Absurdity

(25:59–28:30)

• Comedic Q&A with Boris about his origins; he’s from nowhere specific, parrying every question with a joke about famous Russian cities.

• Boris insists on a “position” (not just any job) and lists his comically vast (and dubious) talents, eventually accepting the role of athletic director for $15 and a room in the attic.

  Boris Bagel: “Look, my little, don’t call me a penguin. ... I teach golf, I teach tennis, swimming, hiking, riding, Botany. And at night, under the light of the moon and the stars—I also teach love.” (27:46–28:05)

---

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Mrs. Cohen (re: picking dancing girls):
  “If you want to look at a girl, look at me. I’m plenty for you.” [05:14]

• Seth’s deadpan wisdom:
  “Well, I ain’t worked around Looney Lake for 50 years without getting ideas.” [13:33]

• Boris Bagel’s running origins gag:
  “Did you ever hear of Pinsk? I’m not from there. Did you ever hear of Minsk? I’m not from Minsk. Did you ever hear of Omsk?” [26:28–26:41]

• On Boris Bagel’s qualifications:
  “At night, under the light of the moon and the stars—I also teach love.” [28:04]

• Resolution (Seth, on blocking the guests):
  “Well, that darn bus just got out of control and went into a regular tailspin. ... But them guests ain’t leaving for a while now.” [17:35–17:52]

---

Timestamps for Key Segments

• Setting up the crisis and breakfast banter: 01:32–04:43
• The rumor and guest panic: 04:53–07:32
• Attempting to dress the twins and calm rumors: 09:09–11:46
• Seth the handyman's intervention: 12:01–14:20
• Bus crash blocks guests in: 16:41–17:42
• Entertainment as distraction: 19:14–21:42
• Arrival of Boris Bagel and turning the tide: 22:01–28:30

---

Original Tone & Style

The episode preserves the light-hearted, fast-paced banter and situational comedy of classic radio shows. There’s slapstick in the physical humor (dressing twins, the runaway bus), ethnic and cultural jokes reflective of the era, and plenty of clever wordplay.

---

Final Thoughts

This "Abie’s Irish Rose" installment showcases the strengths of Old Time Radio: quick-witted dialogue, farcical situations, and endearing, larger-than-life characters. The episode’s climax, with the arrival of Boris Bagel and his parade of girls, coupled with the accidental bus blockade, provides a satisfyingly zany resolution that reinforces the show's enduring comic appeal.

---

For listeners nostalgic for the heyday of family radio comedies or newcomers seeking classic Americana humor, this episode delivers a warm, witty, and effervescent slice of mid-century entertainment.

Transcript

[Lowe's Announcer]

Lowes knows how to get you ready for holiday hosting with up to 35% off select home decor and get up to 35% off select major appliances. Plus, members get free delivery hallway, basic installation parts and a 2 year Lowe's protection plan. When you spend $2500 or more on select LG major appliances valid through 10. One member offer excludes Massachusetts, Maryland, Wisconsin, New Jersey and Florida. Installed by independent contractors. Exclusions apply. See Lowes.com for more details.

[Narrator]

Dream Shampoo presents AB's Irish Rose.

[Patrick Murphy]

What are you laughing at, Father? My laughing is. I am just laughing.

[Narrator]

What's the matter? There's a log.

[Patrick Murphy]

Ends up.

[Narrator]

Yes, here it is, folks. Dream VR R E M E Dream Shampoo once again brings you that lovable, laughable show. And Nichols Davies Irish Road. Well, this business of being summer hotel owners is getting more and more complicated for the two fathers, Patrick and Solomon. In their first effort at managing Looney Lake Lodge on Lake Looney and the Catskills, the fathers lost their meat chef by giving him the wrong tip on how to cook roast beef. And then suddenly getting the idea that the twins had scarlet fever. They frightened several hundred guests into planning a mass accident. Well, the twins haven't got scarlet fever. But how are the guests to be convinced?

[Patrick Murphy]

That's the question.

[Narrator]

As Mr. And Mrs. Cohen Wake up the next morning in their luxurious suite at the hotel.

[Solomon Murphy]

Oh, what a beautiful morning. Oh, what a beautiful day.

[Priscilla Murphy]

Did you sleep up here? How did you sleep up here? How did I sleep up here? With my eyes closed, just like anywhere else. Why are you making so much noise.

[Patrick Murphy]

Papala, so early in the morning?

[Solomon Murphy]

Early in the morning?

[Patrick Murphy]

Why, it's a quarter to nine.

[Priscilla Murphy]

A quarter to nine? Let me get up.

[Solomon Murphy]

Who's stopping you, huh?

[Priscilla Murphy]

Where are my shoes and my stockings and my everything else? Where? Where are they?

[Solomon Murphy]

Why are you getting so excited?

[Priscilla Murphy]

He's excited. I'm just hungry. Breakfast is served only until 9 o'. Clock.

[Solomon Murphy]

Don't worry, darling. I know all about the dining room.

[Priscilla Murphy]

What about it?

[Solomon Murphy]

Well, breakfast is served from 7 sharp to 9 sharp. But after 9 sharp, if you know the right men, you can eat until 12. From 12 shop to two shops they serve lunch. But after two shop, if you know the right man, you can eat until six. From six shop to eight sharp they serve dinner. But after eight sharp. After eight sharp you have to go hungry. Understand? Look, Papala.

[Patrick Murphy]

What is it?

[Solomon Murphy]

Mamela.

[Priscilla Murphy]

Why did Solomon go around last night telling people the princess have scarlet fever? Does he want to lose all the.

[Solomon Murphy]

Hotel guests it was the fault of the echo. Solomon only yelled the news to Ab out on Echo Point. And people in the hotel heard the echo. The twins don't have scarlet. Only a stomach rat.

[Priscilla Murphy]

If there had been a train last night, lots of guests would have checked out.

[Solomon Murphy]

If we have no guests, we can't.

[Patrick Murphy]

Pick a floor show.

[Priscilla Murphy]

A floor show?

[Solomon Murphy]

Sure, to entertain the guests at night. Solomon, Mr. Murphy and me, we were going to pick the dancing girls today.

[Priscilla Murphy]

Papa, learn. Who said you were going to pick the girls?

[Solomon Murphy]

I. I did, Priscilla.

[Priscilla Murphy]

But I didn't. So you don't pick. Stay away from dancing girls.

[Solomon Murphy]

But darling, Solomon and Mr. Murphy.

[Patrick Murphy]

They only want me to look at them.

[Priscilla Murphy]

Well, if you want to look at a girl, look at me. I'm plenty for you.

[Solomon Murphy]

Normally you're even more than Frankie.

[Priscilla Murphy]

Thank you. To tell her. Look, ain't forget the skin of a young girl.

[Solomon Murphy]

Sure you have, honey, but maybe you should give it back to the young girl. You are getting it a little wrinkled.

[Patrick Murphy]

This lobby is a sad sight. Our guests are checking out by the dozen.

[Narrator]

Oh yes, darling.

[Patrick Murphy]

From now on they'll be staying away by the dozen. But they're driving. They're cr Mc Sugar. Listen, listen how they're ringing the bell to pay their bills. But come on, let's go off on the veranda. All right. Now what can we do? I have been telling everybody that Fingers don't have scarlet fever. And so have I.

[Narrator]

D Papa Murphy. You know, if this keeps up, the hotel will be empty by noon.

[Patrick Murphy]

It'll be before that. Ay, who owned before that.

[Narrator]

Everlast.

[Patrick Murphy]

They all want to catch the 10:10 train.

[Solomon Murphy]

Yeah.

[Narrator]

Look at all those taxi cabs on the drive there. Looks like they've called every cab in the whole township. The driver driveway is lined with them.

[Patrick Murphy]

And that ain't what you call a silver lining. It certainly isn't. And those that don't leave by taxicab, they will go to the railroad station in our bus. We will be helping them go.

[Narrator]

Well, you can't expect them to walk, dad. You know it's four miles to the station.

[Patrick Murphy]

Abel, I spent years educating you to be smart. Couldn't you get an idea how to stop them guys?

[Narrator]

Dad, I. I don't know. Once people get panicky, they're pretty hard to handle.

[Priscilla Murphy]

Hello, boy. Hello everybody.

[Narrator]

Good morning. Good morning. Hello, mamala. And Mr. Cohen.

[Solomon Murphy]

Have you figured any way to stop the guests from checking out?

[Patrick Murphy]

No. Have you?

[Solomon Murphy]

Well, I'll put my brains to work Papala.

[Priscilla Murphy]

Up here. Your brains are on a vacation until Labor Day.

[Patrick Murphy]

But Mrs. Cole.

[Priscilla Murphy]

Solomon, you keep quiet. Your brains are on a vacation all year round. Besides, I murdered you to Father.

[Patrick Murphy]

You're mad at us. Why?

[Solomon Murphy]

Why?

[Priscilla Murphy]

Because you two talked my poor little Papal into picking dancing girls.

[Patrick Murphy]

What do you mean, we talked him into it? We couldn't keep him out of it.

[Priscilla Murphy]

So, Isaac, by raising me. Papala, don't let me catch you around those girls. You hear me? Is it all right if you don't catch me?

[Patrick Murphy]

I'll answer you in two ways.

[Priscilla Murphy]

No fight.

[Patrick Murphy]

Soon the girls will be here. But what good will it do with all our guests gone?

[Priscilla Murphy]

Hey, look. There's Papala. He's gone.

[Narrator]

I don't know. Maybe he's step inside.

[Priscilla Murphy]

If he went to meet those dancing girls, wait till I meet him. Oh, come on.

[Solomon Murphy]

Little practical.

[Priscilla Murphy]

Now eat this lovely oatmeal. Obri, there's no way to talk about oat, Tommy. Everybody likes oatmeal. Come in.

[Solomon Murphy]

Good morning, Lily.

[Priscilla Murphy]

Oh, morning, Mr. Cohen.

[Solomon Murphy]

Lily, her heart is finished this morning.

[Priscilla Murphy]

They're feeling just fine.

[Solomon Murphy]

They're feeling fine, huh?

[Priscilla Murphy]

Well, little Tad just don't like his oatmeal, that's all, Ain't it? Little Tad?

[Solomon Murphy]

Lily, tell me, how's it been? Stomach rash.

[Priscilla Murphy]

Rash is all gone, then.

[Solomon Murphy]

Lily, we got to do something fast.

[Patrick Murphy]

Quit.

[Priscilla Murphy]

What is it, Mr. Colin?

[Solomon Murphy]

In 10 minutes, maybe five minutes, most of the guests will be skidoodling by.

[Priscilla Murphy]

Boss and my sexy the death leave him.

[Solomon Murphy]

They heard that Finns had scarlet fever.

[Patrick Murphy]

So they're all scared.

[Solomon Murphy]

Why, Emily Stars.

[Patrick Murphy]

So I figure if we can get.

[Solomon Murphy]

The twins downstairs first and the guests can see they're all right, then the scare will be over.

[Priscilla Murphy]

But Mr. Coy and the twins ain't dressed and they ain't fed.

[Solomon Murphy]

Millie, can't you and Rosalie dress them quick?

[Priscilla Murphy]

This roadmare has gone down to the dining room. And even if we could dress the baby's fans, they'll be cross without the breakfast and yell all over the hotel.

[Solomon Murphy]

All right, they'll yell, but let's try it. You dress Beck, I'll dress little Patrick. Where's his clothes?

[Priscilla Murphy]

Right there, Mr. Cohen. I'll start beckling.

[Solomon Murphy]

Fine. Gosh, I, I, I never dressed a baby before. I wonder where you start.

[Priscilla Murphy]

I don't know, though. I am a turtle.

[Solomon Murphy]

Oh, now, little Tico, here's a stocking. Is it a left or a right stocking? Okay, well, I'll try it on the right foot. I, I didn't mean to take him here. Now, come on, come on, try it again.

[Priscilla Murphy]

Please don't kick me. We're not in the scandal. Why, Mr. Cohen. Mr. Cohen, what are you doing?

[Solomon Murphy]

Rosala, I have to go downstairs.

[Priscilla Murphy]

You dress the things and bring them.

[Solomon Murphy]

Down in the lobby as fast as you can.

[Patrick Murphy]

There.

[Solomon Murphy]

O In five minutes, everybody will be leaving.

[Patrick Murphy]

Morning, Mr. Cohen. Who are you talking to?

[Priscilla Murphy]

Oh, hello, Seth.

[Patrick Murphy]

I was talking to myself.

[Solomon Murphy]

He asked what I thought.

[Patrick Murphy]

Looks as though the hotel has turned.

[Priscilla Murphy]

Away lots of business this morning.

[Solomon Murphy]

Yeah, you can say that again.

[Priscilla Murphy]

I've been around these parts 70 years.

[Solomon Murphy]

And I never seen this happen before. Well, I guess I'll be going about my handyman work set. You sound tired this morning. I shut up very late last night.

[Priscilla Murphy]

I didn't get to bed until 9 o'.

[Patrick Murphy]

Clock.

[Solomon Murphy]

8:36. Oh, I was sparking a gal. S. You got a girl? Sure, I got a girl. Wonderful girl, Ms. Cohen.

[Priscilla Murphy]

Her name is El Mary.

[Solomon Murphy]

El Mary. Are you engaged?

[Priscilla Murphy]

Sure are.

[Solomon Murphy]

Been engaged 35 years. 35 years? Why haven't you gotten married? Oh, Elvira ain't wanted to be rushed off her feet. But for every five years? Well, in the summertime I'm too busy to go over the county seat to get a marriage license. How about the renter? Roads are bad. Well, I guess I'll be getting along. Listen, Seth, did you see all those people in the lobby? I didn't need my specs for that. They're all checking out to catch the 10:10 train. They think the babies have scarlet fever.

[Priscilla Murphy]

In a few minutes I could prove.

[Solomon Murphy]

To everybody they're all right. But I don't know how to keep the guests here until then. Have you got any ideas, sir?

[Priscilla Murphy]

Well, I ain't worked around looney legs 50 years without getting ideas.

[Solomon Murphy]

What's the idea?

[Priscilla Murphy]

Oh, I don't know yet.

[Solomon Murphy]

I'm working. Excuse me whilst I leave. Fine.

[Patrick Murphy]

He's working on it.

[Priscilla Murphy]

With two minutes to go, he should.

[Patrick Murphy]

Put more men on the job.

[Priscilla Murphy]

Papala, where was you? And why are you talking to yourself?

[Solomon Murphy]

Because I like to talk to an intelligent man. Well, I hope he figures something out. Who, what, when, why Seth, the handyman. He thinks he can keep the people here for a little while longer.

[Priscilla Murphy]

How's he gonna do that? What is he, a medical man?

[Solomon Murphy]

Don't ask me. He is working on it.

[Priscilla Murphy]

Look, look, look, look, look. People are running to the.

[Narrator]

Well. We hope that loud crash wasn't the wreckage of the idea that was working on. When a man says goodbye to the girl he loves, there are lots of things he thinks but doesn't say. Things like the words of that song I'll be seeing you in in every lovely summer day in everything that's light and gay I'll always think of you that way yes, every time he sees something lovely while he's away, he'll think of her. So, girls, if you want some man to feel that way about you, make sure his memory picture of you is a lovely one. And start with your hair. Keep it always glamorous shining. That's why I keep urging you you to use green shampoo with hair conditioner. This wonderful improved green gives you a combination of beauty advantages found in no other shampoo. Green actually reveals up to 33% more luster than any soap or soap shampoo. It never leaves any dulling film on hair, as all soaps do to hide the natural luster. Green brings out all the shining beauty, all the dazzling highlights. And now that this new improved green contains a marvelous hair conditioner, it leaves hair far silkier smoother and easier to manage right after shampooing. No other shampoo, not a soap in the world leaves hair so lustrous and yet so easy to manage. Only drained with hair conditioner. So, girls, for glamorous shining hair that makes a man find you unforgettably lovely, always use Dream shampoo with air conditioner. And now Dream Shampoo takes you back to Ab's Irish Road. It's just a moment after that mysterious crash we heard.

[Priscilla Murphy]

Hey, Popular, did you hear that crash?

[Patrick Murphy]

Of course I heard.

[Solomon Murphy]

Haven't I got ears?

[Priscilla Murphy]

What was it?

[Solomon Murphy]

Have I got eyes in my ears?

[Priscilla Murphy]

Come quick, outside. Let's see.

[Patrick Murphy]

Icicle, this is corn. Look at what Seth has done with the hotel boat. Here is a bus alone erected right between the stone pillars at the hotel entrance.

[Priscilla Murphy]

What? By the idea he works down. The entrance is all black now.

[Narrator]

Yeah, and there are stone walls all along the road from the pillar.

[Priscilla Murphy]

Oh, now all the guests are incapitulated. Not one of those taxes can get out of the road.

[Patrick Murphy]

Come on inside, everybody. I think our troubles are over. Who would walk four miles to the depot with baggage? Even some scarlet fever. Come on, everybody.

[Narrator]

Boy, did you hear those guests out there?

[Patrick Murphy]

Hey, look, here comes Seth. Well, that darn bus just got. Got out of control. Went into regular tailspin.

[Solomon Murphy]

Must have been a reading my mind. Now you, Seth.

[Patrick Murphy]

No, no, you couldn't hurt a tough.

[Solomon Murphy]

Old rooster like me.

[Patrick Murphy]

You know, Seth, I got an idea you did that on purpose.

[Solomon Murphy]

I ain't saying, Mr. Murphy, I ain't saying. But them guests ain't leaving for a while now.

[Priscilla Murphy]

I. Seth, I think you're wonderful.

[Solomon Murphy]

Thank you, ma'. Am. I'll tell that to my gal elbow. Make her jealous.

[Patrick Murphy]

That's. We all want to thank you.

[Priscilla Murphy]

Well, if you need any more ideas, just let me know.

[Solomon Murphy]

But now I got something important to do.

[Priscilla Murphy]

What have you got to do?

[Solomon Murphy]

Oh, I got to set out some flowers.

[Priscilla Murphy]

I think I'll start with them Goldarnias.

[Narrator]

Hey, look what they're doing down by the.

[Patrick Murphy]

Why, you're hooking a taxi cab onto it. They're going to drag it out of the way.

[Priscilla Murphy]

It's too late for them to catch the 10 10.

[Solomon Murphy]

Well, they could catch the 1111 or.

[Patrick Murphy]

The 1212 or even the Titan.

[Priscilla Murphy]

Titan.

[Patrick Murphy]

Now, what to do? What to do?

[Priscilla Murphy]

Well, here Mr. Cohen and Little Tactical. And here's Bacala. Mr. Cohen.

[Patrick Murphy]

Now what should we do?

[Solomon Murphy]

Wait a minute. Pass. It wouldn't do any good to take the babies outside. Everybody is too interested in the box. I got an idea. Come along to the casino, everybody.

[Priscilla Murphy]

I'll hurry ahead to speak to Harry.

[Patrick Murphy]

Horner, the orchestra leader.

[Priscilla Murphy]

Come on, everyone. When Papa Ladettes and I do, it could be anything. It usually is. But there's a casino. I had little ch. You think you gonna like dancing?

[Solomon Murphy]

Everybody, I got a door with Harry Horner.

[Priscilla Murphy]

What have you got arranged?

[Solomon Murphy]

Some of his musicians are here and they'll play while Lily s. This will attract the guests back into the hotel and then they'll see the drinks are all right. What do you want to sing, Lily?

[Priscilla Murphy]

Well, I like the San Fernando Valley.

[Patrick Murphy]

Do the boys know that?

[Priscilla Murphy]

Sure, they know it. Go ahead, boys. I'm packing my grip and I'm leaving the day. Cause I'm taking a trip California way. I'm gonna settle down and never wallow. And make the San Fernando Valley my home. I'll forget my sins I'll be making new friends. Where the west begins and sunset ends. Cause I've decided where your surprise who it should be as if the Santa and the belly for me. I think that I'm free to see you. He will be waiting when my lonely journey is done. And kindly owes them trouble made us trouble. We will make the you all but fun. Don't hit the sail to the cow country. You can find my ve. I'm going to settle down and nevermore and make some time for my.

[Solomon Murphy]

That's fine, Lily, fine.

[Patrick Murphy]

But it only worked 50%.

[Solomon Murphy]

But the guests are still outside.

[Priscilla Murphy]

Wait, Apollo, look. Look to the window. They are pulling the buzz out from the entrance.

[Solomon Murphy]

Hi. Hi.

[Patrick Murphy]

What to do, what to do? Maybe a conga line One, two, three, boom.

[Priscilla Murphy]

One, two, three, boom. Popular.

[Solomon Murphy]

Now what?

[Priscilla Murphy]

Look who's coming up the drive. Is he?

[Patrick Murphy]

Is he who?

[Priscilla Murphy]

Is he handsome? Is he extinguished? Is he very brave and tall? And a foreigner too.

[Solomon Murphy]

Oh, so who cares?

[Priscilla Murphy]

And he has a dozen pretty girls around him. Pretty girls?

[Solomon Murphy]

That's I want to see.

[Priscilla Murphy]

Let's go to the Rabbit Way.

[Patrick Murphy]

Say, Patrico, look how all the men guests are following the pretty girls up to the hotel. Oh yes, and see how the ladies.

[Solomon Murphy]

Are following the silent fella.

[Patrick Murphy]

Hey, it's just like the Pied Piper.

[Priscilla Murphy]

You don't look like a pie to me. His handsome.

[Solomon Murphy]

Hey, Mamali, don't be silly about a fellow you don't even know.

[Priscilla Murphy]

But look at him. A wonderful.

[Solomon Murphy]

I'm not even looking at him.

[Priscilla Murphy]

Oh, they are looking at those pretty girls, huh?

[Solomon Murphy]

Who was it?

[Patrick Murphy]

One more looked from you and you couldn't keep quiet. Here comes the Costa veranda and all the guests are found, you know. Oh, he's wonderful. He can have the best suite in the hotel. Well, he certainly can at $50 a day. Wyatt, everybody.

[Narrator]

Wyatt, I came here to tell you about a very distinguished visitor who is coming. Coming here.

[Patrick Murphy]

Who is it?

[Narrator]

Me.

[Patrick Murphy]

And who are you?

[Narrator]

I. I Bori. Sergey Alexander Pel.

[Patrick Murphy]

For shock. You can call me Butch.

[Narrator]

Hey, who is this forest? A. Alexander Bull. Basil Ivan Bagel. We mean what? Girls, do you know what spells romance to a man? Well, just this. A night in June, a soft pale moon. And you looking your loveliest with a flower tucked in your shining glamorous hair. Say, you'll never know what a shining difference in glamorous shampoo can make until you use Dream Shampoo with Hair Condition Conditioner. Suppose you're washing your hair with soap, Cake soap, liquid soap shampoo or any other shampoo except Green with Hair Conditioner. Well, now listen. No soap, no other shampoo combines all the beauty advantages this wonderful new dream brings you. Green reveals up to 33% more luster than any kind of soap because it never leaves any dulling film on hair, as all soaps do to hide the shining loveliness. And now that there's a wonderful hair conditioner and the new improved Dream, it leaves hair far silkier, smoother and easier to manage right after shampooing. Besides, Dream completely removes every trace of flaky dandruff the very first time you use it. No other shampoo of any sort combines such luster and such manageability with this complete removal of dandruff. Only Dream Shampoo with Hair Conditioner. So if you want this three way beauty care. Always drain your hair. Use Dream with Hair Conditioner, the only shampoo that can make your hair look so lovely. Remember, insist on Dream shampoo with Hair conditioner. Or ask your beauty shop to use it. Now, green shampoo takes you back to Ab's Irish Rose. And to that distinguished visitor, Boris Bagel.

[Priscilla Murphy]

Oh, Mr. Bagel, you're a long way from Russia.

[Narrator]

It's 50.

[Patrick Murphy]

50?

[Narrator]

Russia is also a long way from me.

[Patrick Murphy]

Where were you born?

[Priscilla Murphy]

In Russian?

[Narrator]

Was I born in Russia?

[Solomon Murphy]

Of course, that part.

[Narrator]

What part?

[Patrick Murphy]

All of me.

[Priscilla Murphy]

I mean, what part of Russia you come from?

[Narrator]

Did you ever hear of Pinsk?

[Priscilla Murphy]

Pinsk?

[Narrator]

I'm not from there. Did you ever heard of Minsk?

[Priscilla Murphy]

My son too.

[Narrator]

I'm not from Minsk. Did you ever heard of Oms?

[Patrick Murphy]

Right, your boy.

[Priscilla Murphy]

You ain't from there either.

[Narrator]

Ah, my little penguin. What a noodle you have.

[Priscilla Murphy]

Who's talking about Zook? Where do you come from?

[Narrator]

To get to my town, it's Oms.

[Patrick Murphy]

To Misk to Bisque. Sounds like a double play with the batter out at first. Quiet, Patrick, quiet. This is a very important guy. Mr. Begle, what could we do for you?

[Narrator]

Have you got a suite? All I need is a sitting room, a bedroom, a drawing room, a sleeping porch and a place where I can wash my hands.

[Patrick Murphy]

Oh, Mr. Bagel, that's. My God. Is there anything else?

[Narrator]

Boris Bagel, your distinguished visitor, wants only one more thing, my little penguin.

[Patrick Murphy]

Now I'm a little penguin, Mr. Bagel. What else is in.

[Narrator]

Boris Bagel wants a position.

[Solomon Murphy]

A position?

[Patrick Murphy]

You mean you want a job? How dare you. A Bagel never accepts the job.

[Narrator]

He has to have a position.

[Patrick Murphy]

What kind of a job?

[Narrator]

Look, my little.

[Patrick Murphy]

Don't call me a penguin.

[Solomon Murphy]

I'll smear.

[Patrick Murphy]

What kind of a job are you after?

[Narrator]

Listen, I teach golf. I teach tennis, swimming, hiking, riding, botany, and that under the light of the moon and the stars. I also teach love.

[Patrick Murphy]

What, Mr. Bagel?

[Narrator]

And also love.

[Priscilla Murphy]

Now see here.

[Narrator]

And also love.

[Patrick Murphy]

Would you like to be our athletic director? Athletic director?

[Narrator]

Well, for you, as a sideline, Bagel will do it. Providing you give me five rooms and a lot of money.

[Solomon Murphy]

Listen, Bagel, that job pays $15 a week in a room in the attic.

[Patrick Murphy]

A room in the attic and $15 a week. That's all.

[Narrator]

Since you talked me into it, I'll take it. Well, with the two fathers running Looney Lake Lodge and Boris Bagel entertaining the guests, who knows what's going to happen. But it ought to be a lot of Fun.

[Patrick Murphy]

Man.

[Narrator]

Here's something that ought to make you really feel good when you save those waste fats to turn in at your butchers. Those waste fats not only help to make explosives to blast the Japs and the Nazis, but they're used to make medicines to help our fighting men when they get sick or wounded. Yes, those waste fats do a double duty. They help to blast the enemy. But you're also sending them on an errand of mercy to our wounded men all over the world. You see, out of those waste fats come healing medicines that are more urgently needed today than ever before. Because over in France, as well as in the Pacific, countless thousands of our men are braving death at this very moment. Those men need the things that can be made from your waste fat. So save all the used fats. You can collect them in any handy tin can. And when you've collected about a pound, take it to your butcher. Sure, you get to red points for that pound of fat, but what will really count is the feeling that you've done something to help our men out there on the fighting front. Be sure to join us again next week at this same time for another adventure in the lives of the Murphys, the Levies and the Cohen. AB's Irish Rose is dedicated to the spirit of freedom and equality.