Abie's Irish Rose 44-06-17 (108) Summer Hotel Owners

Summary

Harold's Old Time Radio - Episode Summary

Title: Abie's Irish Rose 44-06-17 (108) Summer Hotel Owners
Release Date: July 2, 2025

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Overview

In this episode of "Harold's Old Time Radio," titled "Summer Hotel Owners," listeners are transported back to the Golden Age of Radio, immersing themselves in the comedic escapades of Patrick and Solomon, the hapless owners of Looney Lake Lodge. Set against the picturesque backdrop of Lake Looney in the Catskills, the episode delves into the challenges the fathers face in managing their summer hotel, exacerbated by a series of misunderstandings and mishaps.

Plot Summary

Patrick and Solomon embark on their inaugural venture as summer hotel owners but quickly encounter obstacles that threaten the lodge's reputation and business. The episode kicks off with the fathers losing their meat chef after a disastrous attempt to tip him for cooking roast beef incorrectly. Matters escalate when Solomon mistakenly believes that the twins at the hotel have scarlet fever—information that inadvertently spreads panic among the guests.

As rumors of an outbreak circulate, guests begin mass check-outs, fearing for their health and safety. The predicament intensifies when Solomon's shout about the scarlet fever is misconstrued as a real announcement, further fueling the guests' fears. Determined to salvage their business, Patrick and Solomon scramble to reassure the guests and prevent a complete evacuation.

Character Interactions

Patrick (Ab): The more cautious and concerned father, striving to maintain order amidst the chaos.
Solomon (Boris): The more impulsive and humorous father, often finding himself at the center of misunderstandings.
Mr. Cohen and Lily: Staff members who assist the fathers in managing the hotel's operations.
Popular and Seth (the Handyman): Additional characters who contribute to the unfolding events with their unique quirks.

Challenges and Solutions

• Miscommunication About Health Scare: The central conflict arises when Solomon inadvertently causes panic by announcing a false scarlet fever outbreak. Patrick and Solomon must devise a strategy to convince the guests that there is no actual health threat.

• Attempted Solutions:

  • Creating a Floor Show: Intent on distracting the guests, Solomon and Mr. Murphy plan to organize a floor show featuring dancing girls. However, tensions rise as directives become muddled, leading to further confusion.

  • Seth's Ingenious Idea: Desperate to retain guests, Seth, the handyman, devises a plan that inadvertently exacerbates the situation by causing a mysterious crash, making guests believe that the hotel is still a safe haven despite the earlier scare.

  • Final Turnaround with Entertainment: In a last-ditch effort, Patrick arranges for a casino night with live music and performances to lure the guests back, restoring calm and dispelling the rumors of any illness.

Notable Quotes

• Solomon (Boris) on Breakfast Hours:

  "Breakfast is served from 7 sharp to 9 sharp. But after 9 sharp, if you know the right men, you can eat until 12."
  (00:15)

• Patrick's Frustration:

  "If we keep this up, the hotel will be empty by noon."
  (05:36)

• Solomon on Seth's Idea:

  "He thinks he can keep the people here for a little while longer. What are you going to do that? What is he, a miracle man?"
  (13:48)

• Seth's Contribution:

  "I teach golf. I teach tennis, swimming, hiking, riding, botany. And at night, under the light of the moon and the stars, I also teach love."
  (27:14)

Humorous Moments

The episode is rich with comedic elements, primarily stemming from the fathers' ineffective management and the resulting misunderstandings. For instance, Solomon's miscommunication leads to a series of frantic attempts to rectify the situation, only to create more chaos. Additionally, the interactions between Seth and the staff provide moments of levity, highlighting the personalities that bring the story to life.

Resolution

Through a combination of persistence and unconventional tactics, Patrick and Solomon manage to quell the guests' fears. The introduction of live entertainment successfully draws the guests back, reestablishing the hotel's reputation and ensuring the success of their summer venture. The episode concludes on a high note, emphasizing themes of resilience and the importance of clear communication in overcoming challenges.

Conclusion

"Summer Hotel Owners" offers listeners a delightful blend of humor and heart, showcasing the timeless appeal of classic radio storytelling. Patrick and Solomon's journey underscores the trials and tribulations of running a family business, all while delivering laughs and memorable moments. This episode stands as a testament to the enduring charm of Old Time Radio and its ability to entertain across generations.

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Note: This summary excludes segments related to advertisements and product placements to focus solely on the main content and storyline of the episode.

Transcript

[Ab]

Dream Shampoo presents AB Irish Rose.

[Boris]

What are you laughing at, Father? My laughing is. I am just laughing.

[Ab]

What's the matter? There's a log.

[Boris]

Ends up.

[Ab]

Yes, here it is, folks. Dream B R R E M E. Dream Shampoo once again brings you that lovable, laughable show. And Nichols Davies, Irish Road. Well, this business of being summer hotel owners is getting more and more complicated for the two fathers, Patrick and Solomon. In their first effort at managing Looney Lake Lodge on Lake Looney and the Catskills, the fathers lost their meat chef by giving him the wrong tip on how to cook roast beef. And then suddenly getting the idea that the twins had scarlet fever. They frightened several hundred guests into planning a mass accident. Well, the twins haven't got scarlet fever. But how are the guests to be convinced? That's the question. As Mr. And Mrs. Cohen Wake up the next morning in their luxurious suite at the hotel.

[Boris]

Oh, what a beautiful morning. Oh, what a beautiful day. Tell me, how long you did you sleep up here? How did you sleep up here? How did I sleep up here? With my eyes closed, just like anywhere else. Why are you making so much noise, Papala, so early in the morning? Early in the morning? Why, it's a quarter to nine. Yes, a quarter to nine. Let me get up. Who's stopping you? Where are my shoes and my stockings and my everything else? Where. Where are they? Why are you getting so excited? Who's excited? I'm just hungry. Breakfast is served only until 9 o' clock. Don't worry, darling. I know all about the dining room. What about it? Well, breakfast is served from 7 sharp to 9 sharp. But after 9 sharp, if you know the right men, you can eat until 12. From 12 shop to two shops they serve lunch. But after two shop. If you know the right man, you can eat until six. From six shop to eight sharp they serve dinner. But after eight sharp. After eight sharp you have to go hungry. Understand? Look. Papala. What is it? Mamela? Why did Solomon go around last night telling people the princess have scarlet fever? Does he want to lose all the hotel guests? It was the fault of the echo. Solomon only yelled the news to Ab out on Echo Point. And people in the hotel heard the echo. The twins don't have scarlets. Only a stomach rat. If there had been a train last night, lots of guests would have checked out. We have no guess. We can't pick a floor show. A floor show? Sure, to entertain the guest at night. Solomon, Mr. Murphy and me, we were going to pick the dancing girls today. Popular. Who said you was going to pick the girls. I did, Priscilla. But I didn't. So you don't pick. Stay away from dancing girls. But darling, Solomon and Mr. Murphy, they only want me to look at them. Well, if you want to look at a girl, look at me. I'm plenty for you. Normally you're even more than plenty. Thank you. To tell her. Look, if I got the skin of a young girl. Sure you have, honey. But maybe you should give it back to the young girl. You are getting it a little wrinkled. This lobby is a sad sight. Our guests are checking out by the dozen.

[Ab]

Oh, yes, darling.

[Boris]

Now on to be staying away by the dozen. They're driving the Croix and the sugar. Listen. Listen how they're ringing the bell to pay their bills, boy. Come on, let's go off on the veranda. All right. Now, what can we do? I have been telling everybody that Fingers don't have scarlet fever. And so have I. Dad.

[Ab]

Papa. Murphy. You know, if this keeps up, the hotel will be empty by noon.

[Boris]

It'll be before that. Ay, long before that able. They all want the cab to 1010 3.

[Ab]

Yeah. Look at all those taxi cabs on the drive there. Looks like they've called every cab in the whole township. The driveway is lined with them.

[Boris]

And that ain't what you call a silver lining. It certainly isn't. And those that don't leave by taxicab, they will go to the railroad station in our bus. We will be helping them go.

[Ab]

Well, you can't expect them to walk, dad. You know it's four miles to the station.

[Boris]

Abel, I spent years educating you to be smart. Couldn't you get an idea how to sub them?

[Ab]

Gosh, Dad, I don't know. Once people get panicky, they're pretty hard to handle.

[Boris]

Hello, boy. Hello, everybody.

[Ab]

Good morning. Good morning. Hello, mamala. And Mr. Cohen.

[Boris]

Have you figured any way to stop the guests from checking out? No. Have you? Well, I'll put my brains to work. Popular up here. Your brains are on a vacation until Labor Day. But Jesus, Cole, Solomon, you keep quiet. Your brains are on a vacation all year round. Besides, I'm mad at you two fathers.

[Ab]

You're mad at us?

[Boris]

Why? Why? Because you two talked my poor little Papal into picking dancing girls. What do you mean we talked him into it? We couldn't keep him out of it. So, Isaac. Bye. Raising me, Papale, don't let me catch you around those girls, you hear me? Is it all right if you don't catch me? I'll answer you in two ways. No, Twice. Soon the girls will be here. But what good will it do with.

[Ab]

All our guests gone?

[Boris]

Say, look, there's Popular. He's gone.

[Ab]

I don't know. Maybe he stepped inside.

[Boris]

If he went to meet those dancing girls. Wait till I meet him. Oh, come on, little tragicle. Now, eat this lovely oatmeal. There's no way to talk about old Tommy. Everybody likes oak. Come in. Good morning, Lily. Oh, morning, Mr. Cohen. Lily had a hard experience this morning. They're feeling just fine. They're feeling fine, huh? Well, little Tad just don't like his oatmeal, that's all. Ain't it, Little Ted? Lily, tell me, how's it been? Stomach rash. Rash is all gone, then, Lily, we got to do something fast. Quit. What is it, Mr. Coleman, in 10 minutes, maybe five minutes, most of the guests will be skiboodling by bus and by taxi. The guests leave him? They heard the twins at school. Scarlet fever. So they're all scared. So I figure if we can get that finished downstairs first and the guests can see they're all right, then the scare will be over. But Mr. Coy and the twins ain't dressed and they ain't fed. Millie, can't you. Rosalie, dress them quick? This Rosemary has gone down to the dining room. And even if we could dress the baby's fans, they'll be cross without the breakfast and yell all over the hotel. All right, they'll yell, but let's try it. You dress Beckale, I'll dress little Patrick. There's his clothes right there. Mr. Cohen. I'll start, Beckley. Fine. Gosh, I never dressed a baby before. I wonder where you start. I don't know. I'm not. Turtle. Turtle. Now, little tadpole, here's a stocking. Is it a left or a right stocking. Oh, okay. Well, I'll try it on the right foot. I didn't mean to take her. Now, come on, come on, ride the guest. Please don't kiss me. You're not in the SC. Why, Mr. Cohen. Mr. Cohen, what are you doing? Roa. I have to go downstairs. You dress the fins and bring them down in the lobby as fast as you can. In five minutes, everybody will be leaving. Why, Mr. Cohen, who are you talking to? Oh, hello, Seth. I was talking to myself. That's what I thought. Looks as though the hotel has turned away lots of business this morning. Yeah, you can say that again. I've been around these parts 70 years and I never seen this happen before. Well, I guess I'll be going about my Handyman work set. You. You sound tired this morning. I shut up very late last night. I didn't get to bed until 9 or 8:30. Why did you sit up so late? Oh, I was sparking a G. So you got a girl? Sure, I got a girl. Wonderful girl. Ms. Cohen. Her name is El. Mary. Ell. Larry, are you engaged? Sure are. Been engaged 35 years. 35 years? Why haven't you gotten married? Oh, Elvari ain't want to be rushed off her feet, but pledy five five years. Well, in the summertime I'm too busy to go over to county seat to get a marriage license. How about the renter? Roads are bad. Well, I guess I'll be getting along. Listen, Seth, did you see all those people in the lobby? I didn't need my specs for that. They're all checking out to catch the 10:10 train. They think the babies have scarlet. In a few minutes I could prove to everybody they're all right. But I don't know how to keep the guests here until then. Have you got any ideas?

[Ab]

S?

[Boris]

Well, I ain't worked around Luna Lake for 50 years without getting ideas. What's the idea? Oh, I don't know yet. I'm working on it. Excuse me whilst I hate why he's working on it the two minutes. You should put more men on the job, Papala. Where was you? And why are you talking to yourself? Because I like to talk to an intelligent man. Well, I hope he figures something out. Who, what, when, why? Said the handyman. He thinks he can keep the people here for a little while longer. How you going to do that? What is he, a miracle man? Don't ask me. He is working on it. Look, look, look, look, look. People are running to the well.

[Ab]

We hope that loud crash wasn't the wreckage of the idea Seth was working on. When a man says goodbye to the girl he loves, there are lots of things he thinks but doesn't stay. Things like the words of that song, I'll be seeing you in every lovely summer day and everything that's light and gay I'll always think of you that way. Yes, every time he sees something lovely while he's away, he'll think of her. So, girls, if you want some man to feel that way about you, make sure his memory picture of you is a lovely one. And start with your hair. Keep it always glamorous shining. That's why I keep urging you to use green shampoo with hair conditioner. This wonderful improved green gives you a combination of beauty Advantages found in no other shampoo. Green actually reveals up to 33% more luster than any soap or soap shampoo. It never leaves any dulling film on hair, as all soaps do to hide the natural luster. Green brings out all the shining beauty, all the dazzling highlights. And now that this new, improved green contains a marvelous hair condition, it leaves hair far silkier smoother and easier to manage right after shampooing. No other shampoo, not a soap in the world, leaves hair so lustrous and yet so easy to manage. Only drained with hair conditioner. So girl, for glamorous shining hair that makes a man find you unforgettably lovely, always use green shampoo with hair conditioner. And now Dream Shampoo takes you back to Ab's Irish Road. It's just a moment after that mysterious crash we heard.

[Boris]

Hey, Popular, did you hear that crash? Of course I heard. Haven't I got ears? What was it? Have I got eyes in my ears? Come quick. House punch. Let's see. Hey, Icicle, this is corn. Look at what Seth has done with the hotel bar. Hey, hey, hey. The bus. Her own erectus. Right between the stone pillars at the hotel entrance. What? But an idea you worked on. The entrance is all black now.

[Ab]

Yeah, and there are stone walls all along the road from the pillars.

[Boris]

O. Now all the guests are incapitulated. Not one of those tracks is stretched. And get out of the road. Come on inside, everybody. I think our troubles are over. Who would walk four miles to the depot with baggage even from scarlet fever? Come on, everybody.

[Ab]

Boy, did you hear those guests out there? Hey, look, here comes Seth.

[Boris]

Well, that darn bus just got out of control. Went into regular tail spin. Must have been reading my mind. You were, Seth. No, no, you couldn't hurt a tough old rooster like me, you know, Seth, I got an idea you did that on purpose. I ain't saying, Mr. Murphy, I ain't saying. But them guests ain't leaving for a while now. I said I think you wonderful. Thank you, ma' am. I'll tell that to my gal, Ellsworth. Get her jealous. That's we all wanted.

[Ab]

Thank you.

[Boris]

Well, if you need any more ideas, just let me know. But now I got something important to do. What have you got to do? Oh, I got to set out some flowers. I think I'll start with them gold Darnas.

[Ab]

Hey, look what they're doing down to the bus.

[Boris]

Why, you're hooking a taxi cab onto it. They're going to drag it out of the way. It's too Late for them to touch the 10 10. Well, they could catch the 11. 11 or the 12, 12 or even the Titan. Titans. Now what to do? What to do? Well, here Mr. Cohen and little Pasicle. And here's Becky and Mr. Cohen. Now what should we do? I thought I have a father and. Bon, bro. Wait a minute, Patrick. Let's see. It wouldn't do any good to take the babies outside. Everybody is too interested in the bottom. I got an idea. Come along to the casino, everybody. I'll hurry ahead to speak to Harry Horner, the orchestra leader. Come on, everyone. When Papa gets an idea. It could be anything. It usually is. But there's a casino. I had little chance. You think you gonna like dancing, Harry? Ponny? Harry. Everybody, I got a door arranged with Harry Horner. What have you got arranged? Some of his musicians are here and they'll play while Lily sings. This will attract the guests back into the hotel and then they'll see the drinks are all right. What do you want to sing, Lily? Well, I like the San Fernando Valley. Do the boys know that? Sure, they know it. Go ahead, boys. I'm packing my grip and I'm leaving the day. Cause I'm taking a trip to California way. I'm gonna settle down in Memorial and make the San Fernando Valley my home. I'll forget my sins. I'll be making new friends. Where the west begins and sunset ends. Cause I've decided where your suit should be. And it's a sand ran the valley for me I think that I see for se he will be waiting when my lonely journey is done. And kindly O raise us from. He will make the two of us one. Don't hit the sail through the cow country you can find my mail. I'm going to settle down and live a morrow. And make some damage on the family. That's finally fine. But it's only worth 50%. But the guests are still outside. Hi, Buffalo. Look. Look to the window. They are pulling the bugs out from the entrance. Hi. Hi. What to do? What to do? Maybe a conga line. 1, 2, 3, boom. 1, 2, 3, Boom. Popular. Now what? Look who's coming up the drive. He's Is he? Who? Is he handsome? Is he extinguished? Is he? And a foreigner too, also? Who cares? And he has a dozen pretty girls around him. Pretty girl that I want to see. Let's go to the rabbit.

[Ab]

Hey, Patrico.

[Boris]

Look how all the men just are following the pretty girls up to the hotel. Yes, and see how the ladies are following the foreign fell. Hey, it's just like the Pied Piper. He don't look like a pie to me. His handsome. Hey, mamalet, don't be sick silly about a fellow you don't even know. But look at him. Native wonderful. I'm not even looking at him. Oh, they are looking at those pretty girls. Who wouldn't? One more look from you and you couldn't keep quiet. Here comes the cosa veranda and all the guests are found. You mean. Oh, he's wonderful. He can have the best suite in the hotel. Why, certainly can. It's $50 a day. Wyatt. Everybody.

[Ab]

Wyatt, I came here to tell you about a very distinguished visitor who is coming here.

[Boris]

Who is it?

[Ab]

Me.

[Boris]

And who are you?

[Ab]

I. I am Boris, Sergei Alexander Pyotr Battle. Ivan Bagel for short. You can call me Butch. Hey, who is this? Boris Bege, Alexander Fyodor, Basil, Ivan Bagel. We mean butch girls. You know what spells romance to a man? Well, just this. A night in June, a soft pale moon. And you looking your loveliest with a flower tucked in your shining, glamorous hair. You say you'll never know what a shining difference in glamorous shampoo can make until you use green shampoo with hair conditioner. Suppose you're washing your hair with soap, Cake soap, liquid soap, shampoo or any other shampoo except green with hair conditioner. Well, now listen. No soap, no other shampoo combines all the beauty advantages this wonderful new dream brings you. Dream reveals up to 33% more luster than any kind of soap because it never leaves any dulling film on hair, as all soaps do to hide the shining loveliness. And now that there's a wonderful hair conditioner and the new improved Dream, it leaves hair far silkier smoother and easier to manage right after shampooing. Besides, Dream completely removes every trace of flaky dandruff the very first time you use it. No other shampoo of any sort combines such luster and such manageability with this complete removal of dandruff. Only Drain shampoo with hair conditioner. So if you want this three way beauty care, always drain your hair. Use Drain with Hair Conditioner, the only shampoo that can make your hair look so lovely. Remember, insist on Dream shampoo with hair conditioner or ask your beauty shop to use it. Now, Dream Shampoo takes you back to Ab's Irish Rose and to that distinguished visitor, Boris Bagel.

[Boris]

Oh, Mr. Bagel, you're a long way from Russia.

[Ab]

It's 50.

[Boris]

50.

[Ab]

Russia is also a long ways from me.

[Boris]

Where were you born in Russia?

[Ab]

Was I born in Russia?

[Boris]

Of course, that part.

[Ab]

What part? All of me.

[Boris]

What part of Russia you come from?

[Ab]

Did you ever hear of Minsk?

[Boris]

Pinsk? I'm not from there.

[Ab]

Did you ever heard of Minsk?

[Boris]

Very sort of Minsk.

[Ab]

Did you ever heard of Omsk?

[Boris]

Right. Good eyes. You ain't from there either.

[Ab]

Ah, my little penguin. What a noodle you have.

[Boris]

Who's talking about zookeeper? Where do you come from?

[Ab]

To get to my town, it's Omsk. To Minsk. To Pins. Sounds like a double play with the batter on his horse. Quiet, Patrick, quiet. This is a very important guy.

[Boris]

Mr. Bagel, what could we do for you?

[Ab]

Have you got a suite? All I need is a sitting room, a bedroom, a drawing room, a sleeping porch and a place where I can wash my hands.

[Boris]

Oh, Mr. Bagel, that's. My God.

[Ab]

Is there anything else? Boris Bagel, your distinguished visitor wants Only one more thing, my little penguin. Now I'm a little penguin, Mr. Bagel. What else is it you want? Boris Bagel wants a position.

[Boris]

A position? You mean you want a job? How dare you.

[Ab]

A baby'll never accept the job he has to have.

[Boris]

A position. What kind of a job?

[Ab]

Look, my little.

[Boris]

Don't call me a penguin. I'll smear you. What kind of a job are you after?

[Ab]

Listen, I teach golf. I teach tennis, swimming, hiking, riding, botany. And at night, under the light of the moon and the stars, I also teach love. What, Mr. Bagel? And also love.

[Boris]

No, see here.

[Ab]

And also love.

[Boris]

Would you like to be our athletic director?

[Ab]

Athletic director? Well, for you, as a sideline, Bagel will do it. Providing you give me five rooms and a lot of money.

[Boris]

Listen, Bagel, that job pays $15 a week and a room in the attic.

[Ab]

A room in the attic and $15 a week. That's all. Since you talked me into it, I'll. Well, with the two fathers running Loony Lake Lodge and Boris Bagel entertaining the guests, who knows what's going to happen. But it ought to be a lot of fun. Friends, here's something that ought to make you really feel good when you save those waste fats to turn in at your butchers. Those waste fats not only help to make explosives to blast the Japs and the Nazis, but they're used to make medicines to help our fighting men when they get sick or wounded. Yes, those waist bats do a double duty. They help to blast the enemy. But you're also sending them on an errand of mercy to our wounded men all over the world. You see, out of those waste bats come healing medicines that are more urgently needed today than ever before. Because over in France, as well as in the Pacific, countless thousands of our men are braving death at this very moment. Those men need the things that can be made from your waste fat. So save all the used fats. You can collect them in any handy tin can, and when you've collected about a pound, take it to your butcher. Sure, you get two red points for that pound of fat, but what will really count is the feeling that you've done something to help our men out there on the fighting front. Be sure to join us again next week as the same time for another adventure in the lives of the Murphys, the Levies and the coins. Avs Irish rose is dedicated to the spirit of freedom and equality.