Aldrich Family - Bringing Home Head Cheese

Summary

Podcast Summary: "Aldrich Family – Bringing Home Head Cheese"

Podcast: Harold's Old Time Radio
Host: Harold's Old Time Radio
Episode Air Date: March 10, 2026
Featured Show: “The Aldrich Family – Bringing Home Head Cheese”
Original Broadcast Date (in-show): Not specified; classic Golden Age radio

---

Episode Overview

This episode of Harold’s Old Time Radio features a classic broadcast of “The Aldrich Family”, a sitcom from the Golden Age of Radio. The main story centers on Henry Aldrich, a well-meaning but perpetually flustered teenager, who is tasked with an errand: bringing home head cheese for his family’s dinner. What ensues is a comedic series of misunderstandings, misplaced items (notably cheese, an umbrella, and a pocketbook), parental confusion, and the kind of small-town mix-ups that make the Aldrich family such an enduring source of nostalgia and laughter.

---

Key Discussion Points & Plot Developments

1. The Errand and Reluctance

• Henry is saddled with multiple chores: He’s supposed to bring head cheese home, but his sister Mary also piles on her purse and a green-and-yellow umbrella.
• Sibling Dynamics: Mary guilts Henry about their mother waiting for cheese and the potential disappointment of their father if dinner’s not ready ([04:13]).

Mary: “And here you stand collecting a crowd. She’s waiting for him. Yes, Henry. And what’s Father going to say when he comes home and finds no cheese on anything? How are you going to face him?” ([04:13])

• Henry’s Embarrassment: Reluctant to be seen carrying such conspicuous items, Henry pleads and bargains with his friends and a younger boy to help him.

2. The Transfer and the Mix-Up

• Henry tries to offload his burden: He offers a small boy a nickel (then a dime) to carry Mary’s things, leading to concerns about appearing “like a sissy” ([07:19]).
• Further complications: The boy agrees but Henry loses track of him and, along with the cheese and Mary’s items, both vanish.

Stranger Boy: “Okay, but if anybody asks, I’m gonna say they’re yours.”
Henry: “Gee whiz, nobody’s going to notice you. Now, come on…” ([07:19])

3. The Family’s Confusion and Growing Chaos

• Back home: The Aldrich family grows increasingly frantic as dinner is delayed and the whereabouts of the cheese (and Henry) become mysterious.
• Mother’s Frustration: Mrs. Aldrich juggles advice on how to prepare macaroni without cheese and ongoing calls to and from neighbors and friends ([11:39]).

Mrs. Aldrich: “Do you know of any way of cooking macaroni without cheese? …That’s an idea. Look, would you mind phoning my mother and telling her how to fix it, please?” ([11:39])

• Social Embarrassment: Hijinks spread through the town as Mary calls neighbors to find the missing boy and items, only to “step on their complexes” ([15:46]).

4. Psychology, Complexes, and Small-Town Theatrics

• Running Joke: Discussion about “complexes” (psychological hangups), stemming from a neighbor’s recent reading and applied to every mishap, notably Henry supposedly having a “cheese complex” ([14:43]; [15:44]).

Harriet: “He’s got a complex just the way everyone else has. …Didn’t he tell Homer the reason he gave that boy Mary’s umbrella and pocketbook and cheese was because he just couldn’t carry it himself? …He has what, Alice, this has probably been building up in him for years…” ([14:43] – [15:44])

5. Morning-After Mayhem & Resolution

• The next morning: Henry is missing, the family is at wit’s end, and the community is roped in as Mary lists the extensive contents of her lost pocketbook ([18:26]).
• Homer’s Loyalty: Homer, Henry’s best friend, puts a lost-and-found ad in the paper, touching but embarrassing both Mary and Henry ([21:26]; [24:24]).
• Street Search: Henry and Homer frantically scan the neighborhood for the lost boy and Mary’s items, even questioning a taxi driver, who is bemused by the tale ([20:07]).

6. Climax & Red Herring

• Mistaken Identity: The story’s climax involves a tightrope act at the theater, featuring a man with a green-and-yellow umbrella, raising the prospect of resolving the turmoil, only for it to be unrelated ([17:14]).
• Sam’s Own Trouble: Henry’s father, Sam, ends up in jail after mistakenly being seen as trying to steal a child’s umbrella on Main Street ([24:11]).

Sam: “I need $25. I was down on Main Street, Alice, and I tried to take an umbrella away from a small boy and his mother saw me and now I’m in jail.” ([24:11])

• Comic List: The full list of Mary’s lost items makes everyone blush, especially the mention of “One kiss me goodnight compact” ([24:24]).

---

Notable Quotes & Moments (with Timestamps)

• Henry’s Reluctance and Street Scene:

  • "But Mary, in the first place, that's a green and yellow umbrella. And your darn pocketbook's practically as big as a suitcase." – Henry ([04:13])

• Small Boy’s Refusal to Look Like a Sissy:

  • "You think I want to look like a sissy? ... Okay, okay. How about a dime?" – Small Boy ([07:19])

• Mother’s Desperation About Dinner:

  • "Do you know of any way of cooking macaroni without cheese? ... That's an idea. Look, would you mind phoning my mother and telling her how to fix it, please?" – Mrs. Aldrich ([11:39])

• Harriet’s Complex Theory:

  • "He’s got a complex just the way everyone else has…He has what, Alice, this has probably been building up in him for years...about what? Cheese, Alice. He's never liked it. He's always fought it. And today it just got the best of him. That one little piece of cheese." – Harriet and Alice ([14:43]–[15:44])

• Sam’s Phone Call From Jail:

  • "I was down on Main Street, Alice, and I tried to take an umbrella away from a small boy and his mother saw me and now I’m in jail." – Sam ([24:11])

• Mary’s Lost Item List:

  • "Lost on Main street by Henry Aldrich. One silk lady's umbrella. One pocketbook containing three lipsticks...One kiss me goodnight compact." – Mary ([24:24])

• Henry and Homer's Friendship:

  • "Didn’t I go down to the Centerville Times this morning and put an ad in the paper for what? For your darn sister's pocketbook. I paid for it out of my own money. It cost me 50 cents." – Homer ([21:26])

---

Key Timestamps and Segments

• [04:13] – Mary and Henry argue over errands, setting the story in motion
• [07:19] – Henry convinces small boy to carry the umbrella and pocketbook
• [11:39] – Mother’s mounting desperation over missing cheese, attempts to improvise
• [14:43–15:44] – Psychological “complexes” theory applied to Henry’s cheese woes
• [17:14] – Tightrope performer with similar umbrella appears as a red herring
• [20:07] – Henry and Homer search the streets for clues, hilariously question a taxi driver
• [21:26] – Homer reveals he placed a lost-and-found ad
• [24:11] – Sam’s phone call from jail after umbrella misunderstanding
• [24:24] – Public reading of Mary’s lost pocketbook contents

---

Conclusion & Tone

This episode encapsulates the comedic warmth and community chaos of "The Aldrich Family"—mixing slapstick misadventure, sharp repartee, and gentle satire of both psychological fads and small-town neuroses. The running gags about “complexes,” mistaken identities, and Henry's eternal struggle with family errands make for a light, nostalgic listen. The conclusion, with everyone’s embarrassment aired via the lost-and-found ad, and Sam’s fiasco at the police station, brings the mishap full circle while keeping the affectionate spirit intact.

“It’s that cheese.” – Alice ([25:29])

---

For listeners seeking classic American radio humor, family foibles, and a slice-of-life snapshot from a bygone era, this episode delivers wit, warmth, and a dose of old-fashioned chaos.

Transcript

[A]

Hey, this is Bayard Winthrop, founder of American giant. Back in 2011, I was fed up. Sick of cheap disposable clothes that fell apart after a few washes. And even more sick of the fact that almost nothing good was made here anymore. So I started American Giant to prove something. That we could still make the absolute best hoodies, T shirts and pants right here in America. With American cotton, American factories and American workers earning real wages. We exist to bring manufacturing home, create good jobs in towns that need them, and build clothes that actually last. No shortcuts, no overseas compromises. Get 20% off your first order when you use promo code [e-mail] that's 20% off when you use code GIANT20@@american-giant dot com. Holstrom presents henry henry aldrich.

[B]

Coming, mother.

[A]

Holstrom presents the Aldrich Family. Written by Clifford Gold. Entertainment for all the family. Brought to you by Postum attempting wholesome drinks for all the family. Tonight we offer as a curtain raiser that most nostalgic form of entertainment from the good old days. The barbershop. Are you ready, men? He is more to be pity than censured when he all delights sweet Left all night, all night or he's plain in just one of those ladies for whom coffee just isn't right no mouth right do not storm him with worldcath on highly do not laugh at his woe Be gone. Faithful. Instruction on the facts that applied to his cave. Those facts, friends, are these even can drink coffee without ill effect. There are many others who spend a wakeful night every time they touch coffee. Now there is a mealtime drink which is caffeine free, stimulant free. It cannot keep anybody and it has a perfectly grand flavor. So to those of you who are affected by coffee, we say do not dally but start making Folsom singing How rich and how lust is history. Lust eat, drink, drink See hustle back switching to postum you can sleep without losing. This was the night. Typical teenage boys have an inclusive but genuine point of view all their own, which grown ups can appreciate but rarely understand. Henry Aldrich knows that the scene opens on a busy street in front of a busy store.

[B]

Henry's sister is speaking, but Henry Mother is waiting for it. That doesn't make any difference, Mary. I'm not going to go down Main street doing anything as foolish as that. All right then Henry, if you don't want to take Mother her cheese, all right. But if she asks me why she didn't get it, I'll just tell her. But, Mary, it isn't the cheese I mind. Why do I have to carry your darn umbrella in your pocketbook, too? Henry, I've told you exactly 12 times, I'm going over to play tennis. But, Mary, in the first place, that's a green and yellow umbrella. And your darn pocketbook's practically as big as a suitcase. All right, then. All right. Your own mother is waiting for cheese to put on a dish he's fixing for your own dinner. And there she waits in the kitchen, wondering where the cheese is. And here you stand collecting a crowd. She's waiting for him. Yes, Henry. And what's Father going to say when he comes home and finds no cheese on anything? How are you going to face him? Oh, Mary, not so loud. I'll take it. And here, give it to him. Well, thanks, cousins, you're coming to your senses. Here's the keys and here's the pocketbook and the umbrella. But now, wait a minute. I haven't got time. Henry, just take it home. But, Mary, why can't you at least take your umbrella? Listen, Agnes. Henry Wages. Get it. Just beautiful. It's none of your business. You must get out of my way. Oh, isn't he neat? Oh, isn't he sweet? See, it comes Eddie down the street. Now, listen, everybody. This isn't funny. Do you realize my mother's waiting for her cheese? Oh, is that the way your mother sends you shopping, Henry? Never mind, Agnes. Now, listen, Charlie, stop trying to twist my sister's umbrella. Do you hear me? There, darling, you made me bang it against the lamp post. Henry, he didn't hurt it any.

[A]

He did too.

[B]

Agnes, it won't even open now. I bet it will too. Go ahead, open it up. Look, I'll show you. Well, it opened. Oh, look at him. Hello, Henrietta. Hey, Henry, your petticoat shows. Now, listen, didn't I tell you? You broke it. I did not. You got it open, didn't you? Yeah, darn it. But gee whiz, I can't close it. I can't close it. Well, don't. Interesting. Alice, that book I was telling you about. Yes, Harriet. Only what I want to know is what's become of Mary.

[A]

Mary?

[B]

Are you expecting her? Yes, of course. She said she'd bring the cheese right home. And I can't put this macaroni in the oven till it gets here. But don't you think that's revealing, Alice? I mean, what I was telling you about that book. What book? About people having complexes. Now, you take the bartlett Boy over on Maple Street. His folks are just finding out why he's always been afraid of water. Why has he? Well, once when Jimmy was just a baby, his mother left him alone in a bathtub and he got scared. And so today, naturally, he's afraid of all water in general. Nonsense, Alice. There are lots of young people who have complexes about something or are ashamed or sensitive, and nobody knows why. Don't you think that's interesting? Yes, Harriet, but all I want to know is where is my cheese? Hey, Little boy. Little boy. What? Come here a minute. Come here. I won't hurt you. What's she got the umbrella up for? Would you like that? Is?

[A]

Would you?

[B]

Here, take it. Oh, me? Yeah, sure. And would you like to take this nice big pocketbook? No. Go ahead. You don't have to carry it very far. Look, I'll give you a nickel. No. You think I want to look like a sissy? A sissy? She was. Whatever put an idea like that in your head? No. Okay, okay. How about a dime? I don't believe you. Well, I got 4 cents here in my pocket and. Well, just a second while I open this pocketbook. You mean that's where you carry your money? Well, money and cheese and things. Here, hold this. Umbrell. She was. There doesn't seem to be any money in here. Well, here, take your umbrella back. Now, wait a minute. As soon as we get home, my mother would be very glad to give you 10 cents. Are you sure? Of course. She's very anxious about. About now. Here, take these things. Okay, but if anybody asks, I'm gonna say they're yours. Gee whiz, nobody's going to notice you. Now, come on. Okay. Which way do we go? I'll show you. I'll show you. And listen, don't walk beside me. Why not? The sidewalk's wide enough. Go on, Drop behind me about 10 yards, but don't lose sight of me. Hey, Shorty, where'd you get the Parrot Zone? Go on. You want me to whack you with it? Now, listen, boy, there's not to be any fighting with that stuff. I was just telling him where to get off. And, say, do you see that yellow sign two blocks up the street? What about it? That's as far as I go for a dime. From there on, it's another nickel. Hi, Henry. Homer, what are you doing down here? Just leaning against this telephone pole. Wait a second. I'll walk along with you. Well, listen, I hope I won't be taking you out of your way, Homer. No, Me? I'm not going anyplace. And look, Henry. Look at that kid in back of us carrying the lady's pocketbook and the umbrella over his head. Oh, yes. I wonder where he came from. Boy, Henry, if he doesn't look crazy. Not so loud. Only he'll hear you. I know, Henry, but what do you say we drop back and kid the pants off him? Oh, no, Homer. Oh, no. Okay, Henry, let's cross the street before the light changes. Wait a minute. Stop pulling me. Look out, Henry. I know, Homer, but look, why do we have to run? You don't have to push me, boy. We just got across in time. Let's go down this way. Well, home first. Could you wait a second? What for? Why, I. I just want to wait here on the corner until. Phew. Isn't that strange? What is it you're looking for? Nothing. I just want to be around the corner until. Oh, boy. Now, Sam, don't be upset. It isn't my fault.

[A]

I'm not upset. Heard you were having dinner earlier tonight, so I came bring home the cheese.

[B]

And I've been holding everything until she gets here.

[A]

Alice, I'm not complaining. I'm just saying it seems to me that in a family this size, we ought to have some sister and.

[B]

Sam, I tried to, but I certainly didn't know you'd get home before the cheese. Alice. Yes, Harriet? Is Sam still upset? Well, don't you think you ought to let him sit down at the table, even if dinner isn't entirely ready? Harriet, why would we do a thing like that? Listen, didn't I just hear Mary come in with the cheese? Mary? Mary.

[A]

Henry?

[B]

Mother, are you calling I. Henry, is that you? Will you come here, dear? Mother, has anybody been here? Has anyone been here? No. Not anyone that even asked for a dime? What's that? Well, he might have asked for 15 cents, but I hope he didn't give it to him. Henry, what are you talking about? Well, I'll tell you. Has anyone seen Mary? No, Henry. I was just going to ask you whether you'd seen her. Why, yes, dear. Why, I did see her. You saw her? Henry? Where? Why, I think it was downtown in front of the Emporium. Alice. What, Sam? Dinner time. It's where little moments are cherished. With blue cash preferred. Get 6% cash back at US supermarkets and bring everyone together. I did say everyone. Learn more@american express.com terms and cashback cap apply with blue cash preferred.

[A]

I don't want to appear to be rushing you, but I'm all washed Anytime your dinner's ready.

[B]

Sam, Mary disappeared with the cheese.

[A]

She's what, Shannon?

[B]

I mean. Look, Mother, why don't you advance me part a week after next allowance and let me run out and get you some? Now, dear, I can think of no reason why you should pay for it. Why not? After all, you paid for the first piece. And this piece, Henry, is going to come right out of Mary's pocket. You mean you know where.

[A]

Here, Henry, take this money and get some cheese and bring back the chain.

[B]

Yes, Father. You find the ration points out in the kitchen. Mother?

[A]

Oh, boy.

[B]

Mary, is that you? I'll go out the kitchen door and come to the back way to the store. Henry, come back. Mary's here. It's too late, Alice. He's gone. Mother, I'm sorry I'm a couple of minutes late, but I'll do all the dishes for you. Thank you, dear. That's very kind of you, I'm sure. What's that?

[A]

Never mind apologizing. Mary, why did you take your cheese to play tennis?

[B]

What's that, Father?

[A]

Where's the cheese? Where's the cheese, Father?

[B]

Didn't Henry bring it home?

[A]

Who? Henry?

[B]

Mary, I didn't send Henry for it. I sent you for it. Yes, Mother. And then to make sure it got here, I sent it Henry home with it. Oh, that's how worried I was about it. Where's my pocketbook? Your what? My pocketbook and my umbrella. You mean you left them someplace? Mother, what did he do with them? What did he do with them? Excuse me, but could you give me some ideas to some of the things you carry in the store? Stationery, writing papers, pencils. Well, do you carry cheese? Gee, boy, every store I've been to is closed. And my father. Have you seen a boy about this tall with a green and yellow umbrella? A green and yellow what? He was just a little kid about so high and when the traffic light changed. Do you know of any way of cooking macaroni without cheese? Macaroni without bar? Sure. It's my father's favorite dish. Did you ever try it with tomato sauce or bread crumbs? Tomato sauce or crumbs? That's an idea. Look, would you mind phoning my mother and telling her how to fix it, please? No. But if she asks for me, don't tell her you've seen me. Misses Aldrich, you mean to say he didn't even come home for dinner? No, Homer. Well, boy, he promised to go to the movies with me tonight. And, boy, if he doesn't get Here soon we're gonna be late. Homer, do you mean to say Henry doesn't even know the name of the boy he gave Mary's pocketbook and umbrella to? No, Mrs. Ulrich. He came up to about here on me, and he had pants and a sweater on. And he came out of a clear sky and disappeared into a clear sky. Yes, Sam.

[A]

May I ask where you ever got the idea of putting crumbs on macaroni, dear?

[B]

Someone phoned me just before dinner and told me about it and then hung up. And I'm so surprised I just went ahead and did it.

[A]

Well, don't ever do it again.

[B]

Boy, if Henry's much later, we're gonna have to sit right in the front row. And will I have a stiff neck tomorrow. Mother. Henry, is that you? Gee whiz, Henry, where have you been? Well, Mother. Henry, where is Mary's pocketbook and umbrella and your father's? That's what I want to try to tell you first. Henry, may I ask something? Homer, would you please wait out in the hall? Yes, Mrs. Aldrich. Only when do you think we can start for the movie? Not right this minute, dear. Now, please leave the room. Yes, Mrs. Aldrich. Only the last time I had a stiff neck, it lasted a couple of days. Homer, don't you realize my mother's trying to give me a. What? Mary, I'm making up a list of all the things that were in my pocketbook, and I'm very much afraid I'm going to have to hold you responsible for nothing. Well, I happen to know there wasn't any money in it. Oh, you mean. But I suppose your little friend went through it, too. Mary, he was not my little friend. Then who was he? He was just someone that was carrying it for me. Then I phoned half a dozen different people to find out whether any of them knew who the kid was. Well, I certainly pity your allowance during the next two years, Mary, if it will will cheer you up. Any father promised me an increase of 20 cents a week beginning next October. Hey, Henry, your show just started. Homer, Henry appreciates your wanting to take him, but I'm afraid you'd better go without him. Okay, Henry. I'll keep my eyes open around the theater for any kid with an umbrella. Goodbye. But, Homer. Alice, where are you? Oh, why, hello, Hen. Good night, Aunt Harriet. Good night. Why are you going to bed this early? Why, yes, I feel a little tired. Harriet, I've never been so completely confused in my life. I don't know what's confusing about it. He's got a complex just the way everyone else has. He has what, Alice, this has probably been building up in him for years. Didn't he tell Homer the reason he gave that boy Mary's umbrella and pocketbook and cheese was because he just couldn't carry it himself? Yes, and there you are. But Harry had a complex. About what? Cheese, Alice. He's never liked it. He's always fought it. And today it just got the best of him. That one little piece of cheese. Now, Harry. Alice, I'm going to send that book over to you. It'll wake you up to a lot of things. Mother, where do you think happen? Mary, have you found your thing? No, Mother. I was sitting in the other room trying to think who that boy was that Henry doesn't seem to know anything about, and finally I went to the phone and called Mrs. Johnson, and my goodness, Mother, she jumped right down my throat. She what, Mary? Aunt Harry, I give you my word. All I said was, Mrs. Johnson, could it have been your boy that took my pocketbook?

[A]

What's wrong with that?

[B]

And she was rude to you. Why, of course she was, Mary. You stepped right on her complex. I did what? Mary, isn't that the telephone? It is. Oh, my goodness. Mother. I'll go answer it, mother. If it's Mrs. Johnson calling back, tell her I'm very sorry. I didn't realize she was sick. Hello? Hello, Mrs. Aldrich? This is Homer. I don't want to seem to be trying to talk you into letting Henry go to the movies, but I think you ought to know something. What about? It's raining cats and dogs, Mrs. Aldrich, and everybody in town is out with their umbrellas, and Henry's missing a great opportunity. Hen. I'm sorry to wake you up, Henry, but there's a very important call for you on the telephone. Well, Seamus, did Bubba say it was all right for me to take it? Yes, Henry, of course we did. Here, take the phone. Well, thank you. Hello? Henry, is that you? Yeah. Well, this is Homer. I'm talking to you from a booth in the theater, Henry. From where? You better get on your clothes and come right down here. Why? Well, they just put on a couple of acts, see, and there's a guy that walks a tightrope with an umbrella. Gee whiz, is it our kids? No, but his umbrella is yellow and green, Henry. And he might be the kid's father.

[A]

Now, getting back to the troubles of Henry Aldridge, rather than carry his pocketbook and umbrella right out on the main street, Henry hired a small boy to carry it for him. In trying to cross at a busy intersection, Henry's slave disappeared. The scene opens the next morning in the Aldrich dining room. Alice.

[B]

Sam. I thought you'd finished breakfast long ago.

[A]

I have, I have. But before I leave for the office, I want to have a talk with Henry. If you ask me, it's high time he came down to breakfast.

[B]

Mary. Yes, Mother? I've just been following the J to see whether it could have been their little girl that Henry might have mistaken for a boy. Dear, you didn't insinuate that their daughter stole anything, did you? No, but my goodness, people are certainly getting touchy in this town. Well, go upstairs and tell Henry he's to be down here in two minutes. All right. Tell him just because I sent him up to bed last night doesn't mean he can't ever come down. Yes, Mother.

[A]

Well, Alice, what's the next step?

[B]

What do you mean, Sam?

[A]

I've called everyone I can think of that might have a small son.

[B]

Did you phone the Benson?

[A]

Yes, Alice.

[B]

Harriet lass. He's suffering with something that's pretty bad.

[A]

She said what?

[B]

That's what she said. And you're having an awful time getting him straightened.

[A]

That's just Harriet's imagination. There's nothing wrong with Henry. He's upstairs sound asleep.

[B]

Mother? Yes, Mary. Now what do you think? Now, what do you think, Mary?

[A]

Does Henry refuse to come down?

[B]

Mother, he isn't even up there. He's apparently dressed and left the house. What's that? Sam, where are you going?

[A]

Up and look for him.

[B]

Well, dear, I'll go along with you. My goodness, Mother, do you think he's hiding in the attic? Mary, tell me something confidentially. What is it Henry's got? What has he got? He hasn't got anything. That's the trouble. What's that? Look at this list. This, Homer, happens to be all the articles that happened to be in my pocketbook when he happened to lose it. Well, let's see it. There it is. Homer, I'm practically ruined. Gee, did you have all that in one pocketbook? I certainly did. Some of those things happened to be irreplaceable. What's this word here? Handkerchief. That was a late handkerchief, Homer. That belonged to my Aunt Harriet. And it even had a hand embroidered initial on it. Yeah. My goodness, I've got to answer the phone.

[A]

Never mind, Mary. Aunt Grant.

[B]

Papa. Did you find anything of it?

[A]

I did not.

[B]

Hello? Hello, Sam. This is Harriet. What are you doing home so late in the morning?

[A]

I've just been Upstairs. Looking for something? Harriet, what is it you want?

[B]

Do you realize what you've done to your son?

[A]

To whom? Henry. You mean you've seen him?

[B]

Yes, I have. And he's in no condition to be out on the public street.

[A]

Now, Harriet, there isn't anything wrong with Henry. He's just as well as you and I are.

[B]

Oh, you think he is? Well, what's he over on Main street for? Grabbing young children? He grabs them from his back, Sam, and twists them around and looks at them. And then runs on and grabs another be. What, Sam? His nerves must be all shot.

[A]

You think, Think. You think. Aaron Hobby. Right over.

[B]

Listen, Henry, why don't you be sensible and go home and get some rest? Homer, it was right here by this traffic light that had disappeared yesterday. Oh, this is a pretty windy corner, Henry. Have you thought about that? It might have just lifted him right away.

[A]

Look, Homer. Look.

[B]

Who's that boy across the street? Now, listen, Henry, if you grab one more kid and twist him around, we're gonna get in trouble. Don't you remember at all what he looked like? No. Do you? No. Although I might just possibly remember him if I saw him with an umbrella up over his head. Wait a minute. I'll be right back. Henry, where are you going? I'm gonna speak to this taxi driver that's parked here. Hey, mister, what do you have? I wonder whether you could give me a little, little information. Do you remember seeing anything of an accident here on this corner yesterday afternoon?

[A]

An accident? Somebody hurt?

[B]

Well, I don't know whether he was hurt or not, but he certainly disappeared. Yeah, we can't even locate his parents.

[A]

What did he look like?

[B]

Well, he was about so high, and he was carrying a big lady's pocketbook with a piece of cheese in it and an umbrella that was up and wouldn't come down.

[A]

Listen, are you trying to kid me?

[B]

No. Which part is it you don't understand? Go on. Which way? Hey, Henry. What you doing? Sultan?

[A]

No.

[B]

Gee whiz, if this isn't the darndest corner I've ever seen. Listen, Henry, will you please be sensible and come home? Don't you realize you need a rest? Now, listen, Homer. Stop pushing people. Just get away. Just get away. Go on home yourself. Well, that's a nice way to talk to me. And what help have you been?

[A]

This.

[B]

This whole thing was your fault anyway. Well, that's appreciation for you. Gee whiz, didn't I go down to the Centerville Times this morning and put an ad in the paper for what? For your darn sister's pocketbook. I paid for it out of my own money. It cost me 50 cents. You did? Yes, I did. Well, gee, why didn't you tell me? Why didn't you? Thank you. Thank you very much. You mean you're sorry if you're in public? Homer, I said thank you, didn't I?

[A]

Henry?

[B]

She was. Is that you, Father?

[A]

Henry, what are you doing out here on the street?

[B]

Well, he's all right, Mr. Aldrich. I've got my eye on him.

[A]

Homer, will you please get away?

[B]

Hawaii?

[A]

Yes. Homer, please go down the street. I want to have a talk with Henry.

[B]

Yes, Mr. Aldrich.

[A]

I'll go. Henry, get out of the way. Now then, Henry, what are you doing here?

[B]

I'm looking for Mary's pocketbook.

[A]

Here on this corner?

[B]

Sure.

[A]

Henry, what's gotten into you? Do you realize that not only Mary is upset, but you have your mother upset? Your aunt, Harry Potter.

[B]

Excuse me.

[A]

Henry, where are you going?

[B]

Goodbye, Father.

[A]

Henry, come back here.

[B]

Henry, are you sure that's your sister's umbrella? Sure I am. Can't you see it won't come down? Boy, was I lucky to see that kid. And I certainly appreciate your recognizing him, Homer. But genius should never have dove and tackled him like that. I didn't hurt him, Henry. I didn't want him to get away from me. What's become of my father? Your father? Sure. I was standing right here by this traffic light, Homer, talking to him, when all of a sudden I happened to see you die for the kid way down the street, and I ran. And now your father's disappeared. Sure. What happens to people on this corner? Oh, Henry, you afraid it's going to rain? Now, listen, Charlie. Oh, gee, Whip. Hey, Henry, if you think I'm going to walk with you, you're crazy. Hello, Henry. You going to a tea party? Hey, Mr. Taxi. Mr. Taxi. How easy, Alice. He's in the living room, Harriet. I made him lie down. Fine. That's the best thing in the world for him. But I'll never be able to. To understand why I had to go out in front and pay a 25 cent taxi bill for it. Because, Alice, I told you last night, he's always hated it. Hated what, Gene? My goodness. Mother, I want you to smell something. What, Mary? My lipstick. My lipstick. Oh, my goodness. Please don't hold that under my nose. I can't possibly use it. Mother, people will be thinking I've been eating a cheese sandwich. My whole pocketbook smells like a delicatessen. What's that, Mary? If somebody been to the delicatessen, could I have something? Henry, do you feel hungry? Hungry? Sure. I haven't had any breakfast or lunch. Well, I can't get you anything until I've answered this phone. Hello?

[A]

Hello, Alice? This is Sam. Get in the car and drive over to Will Brown's. I need $25.

[B]

What for?

[A]

I was down on Main Street, Alice, and I tried to take an umbrella away from a small boy and his mother saw me and now I'm in jail.

[B]

Oh, my goodness.

[A]

Alice, please get that $25.

[B]

Yes, Pam. Goodbye. Well, Alice, what's happened? Nothing, Harriet. Just get out of my way. Mother, did you see this in the paper? Did I see what? Mary, what is it? In the Lost and Found column. Who put this in? Oh, Homer did. Wasn't that decent of him? Yes, it certainly was. Mary, I'm sorry, but I've got to go. But Mother, listen. Lost on Main street by Henry Aldrich. One silk lady's umbrella. One pocketbook containing three lipsticks. What's that? One eyebrow pencil. Six Barbie pins. One kiss me goodnight compact. One what? One lace handkerchief with initial you ache embroidered in Connor. Now, Mary. Henry, wait till I get Homer. I'm going to kill him. I'm going to kill him. Hold him, Alice. He's getting violent. It's that cheese.

[A]

If coffee keeps you awake, try caffeine free Postum. It comes in two forms. Regular postum, which is ground just right for pot, percolator or drip maker. Or instant potum, which is made so easily right in the cup simply by adding boiling water. Made either way, Postum tastes well. Food is a weapon of war. You've heard that statement before. I know, but do you realize consciously what it means? Do you realize that our American food can give our own fighting men and our allies the fighting edge they need to smash the actors? It can help prevent the spread of starvation and disease and liberate countries. It can help secure the cooperation of the people in those countries in working out a lasting peace. Yes, that's the way food can fight for freedom. But you personally must help by conserving food in your home. So start by keeping the Home Front pledge.

[B]

That means buy foods that are plentiful rather than get against your neighbors with scarce food. Never accept ration foods without taking in the correct number of ration points.

[A]

Listen again next week, same time, same station, for another sparkling half hour with your favorite youngster, his family and his pal. The Aldrich Family is written by Clifford Goldsmith, conducted by Jack Miller.