Aldrich Family - Henry's Muscle Building Course

Summary

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Podcast Summary: Harold's Old Time Radio – The Aldrich Family: "Henry's Muscle Building Course"

Original Air Date: March 10, 2026
Episode Theme:
A nostalgic dive into the comic misadventures of Henry Aldrich as he embarks on a misguided quest for physical strength, hoping to win admiration and nurse his wounded pride. Set against the classic backdrop of teenage friendships, unrequited affections, and good old-fashioned family comedy, this Golden Age radio episode captures the warmth and wit of a bygone era.

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Main Theme & Purpose

The episode centers around Henry Aldrich's attempts to become more "manly" through a muscle-building correspondence course, motivated by envy of his athletic classmate, Bill Turner, and a desire to impress Nancy Adams. The story humorously explores teenage insecurity, the mishaps of self-improvement, and the values of family and friendship, all underlaid by the warm and light-hearted style that characterizes The Aldrich Family.

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Key Discussion Points & Episode Breakdown

1. Competition and Insecurity: Henry Versus Bill Turner

• Setting: Nancy Adams’ home

• Henry (hoping to impress Nancy) is overshadowed by Bill Turner, the local athletic hero.

• Comedic attempts to outdo Bill's physical feats, such as trying to open a stuck window and failing at simple tasks in front of Nancy.

  "I want to get my elbows out. Out a little further." – Henry (04:17)
  "Gee whiz, who opened that window?" – Henry, after Bill succeeds (04:34)

• Henry’s social discomfort is compounded when Nancy reveals she is going to the dance with Bill, not him.

  "Friday evening?"
  "Sure. For the dance."
  "Henry, I didn't promise to go with you, did I?"
  "Oh, with Bill." (06:49–06:59)

2. Humiliation and Denial at Home

• At the breakfast table, Henry’s mother and father discuss his unusual behavior post-rejection by Nancy.

• Henry insists he's over Nancy, even as he returns a book borrowed from her ("Murder on the Third Floor"), signaling otherwise.

• A mysterious letter from the “National Institute of Muscular Development Incorporated” addressed to "Mr. Harold Aldrich" leads the family to suspect Henry is pursuing muscle-building out of embarrassment.

  "Are you a man or a mouse? ... No man can inspire the love of a good woman unless he is willing to develop his inner potential strength..." – Mr. Bradley, reading the letter aloud (10:01–10:23)

3. The Muscle-Building Course Fiasco

• Henry is seen at school filling out an application for the questionable muscle-building course, roping his best friend Homer into measuring his calves and ankles.

  "Could you measure my calf once more, please?" – Henry (14:13) "It's 14... My ankle was 14, too." – Henry (14:33)

• Paranoia about the application falling into the wrong hands drives the plot. Henry inadvertently places the form in Nancy’s book, then desperately tries to retrieve it.

4. Classroom Hijinks and Escalating Mishaps

• In a panic, Henry disrupts a class to ask Nancy for her book back before she discovers the letter.

• Homer's attempt to help retrieve the letter goes awry, resulting in them getting locked out on a third-floor fire escape with the wrong book—Miss Watson’s report book.

  "Homer, what’d you take this for? ... This isn't Nancy's book. Gee whiz. It's Ms. Watson's report book." – Henry (23:01–23:06) "If we get caught with that, we could even be expelled." – Henry (23:13)

5. Climax: Confrontation and Accidental "Strength"

• The boys are caught climbing back in and must explain themselves to Mr. Bradley.

• Bill Turner shows up with Nancy’s book, and an altercation ensues as Henry tries to retrieve his embarrassing letter.

• In a comic scuffle, Henry surprises everyone (himself included) by "lifting" Bill off the floor, to the astonishment of his friends.

  "Gee, Henry, did you knock him out?" – Homer (28:13)
  "I just used my bare hands, Didn't I, Nancy?" – Henry (28:29)

6. Resolution & Consequences

• Mr. Bradley assigns all three boys (Henry, Homer, Bill) menial tasks as punishment:

  • Bill: Picking up papers in the school halls during lunch for ten days
  • Henry & Homer: Helping move steel lockers in the gym after school.

• Henry, in a final act of closure, tears up the muscle-building letter.

  "Why, it's just a sort of a letter that I've decided I won't need to send away." – Henry (29:13) "That's all right, Homer. The exercise will do us good." – Henry, on their punishment (29:34)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Henry's Physical Comedy:
  "Gee whiz, who opened that window?" – Henry, outshined by Bill (04:34)

• The Letter's Dilemma:
  "Are you a man or a mouse?" – Mr. Bradley, quoting the muscle-building ad (10:01)

• The Classroom Fumble:
  "May I have the book, please? ... Please do not open it." – Miss Watson, as Henry panics (18:08–18:12)

• Fire Escape Hijinks:
  "We're way up on the third floor." – Homer, realizing their predicament (21:35)

• Henry’s Accidental Feat of Strength:
  "Gee, you lifted him right off the floor." – Homer, incredulously (28:17)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• [02:53–06:38] Henry competes with Bill at Nancy’s house, culminating in rejection.
• [07:33–12:37] Family breakfast, discovery of muscle-building course letter, Henry’s awkward denials.
• [14:08–15:00] Henry and Homer measure muscles and panic over the misplaced application.
• [17:06–18:29] Henry’s desperate attempt to retrieve the letter in class.
• [20:11–21:35] Homer and Henry get locked out on the fire escape.
• [23:01–23:13] Realization of having the wrong book and fears of expulsion.
• [28:00–28:29] Henry’s tussle with Bill and comic triumph.
• [29:13–29:34] Henry tears up the letter and accepts his fate, leaving on an upbeat note.

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Original Language & Tone

• The episode exudes slapstick humor, innocence, and warmth, with classic misunderstandings and wordplay.
• Dialogue is fast-paced, often overlapping, with Henry’s nervous energy and Homer's loyal befuddlement providing comic rhythm.
• The episode closes on an optimistic (if self-deprecating) note, a signature of the show.

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Final Thought

This episode of The Aldrich Family radiates the charm of classic radio comedy, gently poking fun at teenage insecurities and the lengths to which young people will go for acceptance. Henry’s quest for physical prowess – filled with misunderstandings, slapstick, and ultimately, a lesson in self-acceptance – delivers not only hearty laughs but an endearing reminder of youth’s timeless foibles.

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Transcript

[A]

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[B]

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[C]

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[B]

gofundme.com go gofundme.com this podcast is supported by GoFundMe. Henry aldridge coming mother.

[D]

The Aldrich Family written by Clifford Goldsmith and starring Ezra Stone. Entertainment for all the family, brought to you by Postum, A tempting, wholesome drink for all the family. Postum. Friends, before we join the Aldrich family, I wonder if I could put something squarely up to each one of you who has trouble getting to sleep at night. Would you be willing to make a simple test that should show whether coffee keeps you awake? Mind you, it may not be coffee, for there's no question that many folks can drink it without losing a minute's sleep. But if you suspect it is coffee that keeps you awake, the way to check on it is to drink Postum instead. You see, Postum contains no stimulants, nothing that could possibly rob you of sleep. So it stands to reason, if coffee is the cause of your sleeplessness, switching to Postum will settle the point. Now, why not try it? Drink fragrant, flavorful Postum instead of coffee. Give it a fair trial, say, for two short weeks, and see if you don't honestly enjoy good, sound sleep again. And along with that, see what a perfectly swell mealtime drink. Delicious, tempting Postum really is. There's an old saying that claims you're young only once, but you can prolong that youth. And the best way to do that is to share the experiences of Henry Aldrich. He'll take you right back to your own teenage days. Tonight, Henry is visiting Nancy Adams, one of his favorite classmates.

[B]

Nancy, tell me honestly, what is it you like about Bill Turner?

[C]

I don't know, Henry. I just like him. Don't you Sure.

[B]

I guess Bill's all right.

[C]

Not so loud, Henry. He might hear you.

[B]

How would he hear me? He's out in the front hall, and I like him, only.

[E]

Hey, Nancy.

[B]

Oh, gee whiz.

[E]

Did I ever tell you about the time I dove off the top of the boathouse?

[C]

Why, Bill, I didn't even know anybody could climb up that high.

[E]

Oh, it's easy. You know that flagpole down at the end of the lake?

[B]

Yes.

[E]

Well, I dove off that once and.

[B]

Nancy, how's your mother?

[C]

She's better, Henry. She just strained her back a little.

[E]

Boy, that was some luck I had in the game Saturday. Boy, remember when those three guys tackled me and I carried them right across the goal line for a touchdown?

[C]

That was just wonderful, Bill. I don't see how you stood up.

[B]

Nancy, what make radio is this?

[C]

I don't know. My father bought it.

[E]

You know, Nancy, when I pull those three fellas across.

[C]

Yes?

[B]

I heard a good radio program the other day. It was about a milkman. Boy, was it funny.

[E]

Yeah, go on.

[B]

Well, it was just awful funny. Boy, I darn near laugh my head off.

[E]

Yeah.

[C]

Henry, could you or Bill open this window a little, please?

[B]

Sure, why not?

[E]

Wait a minute, Henry.

[F]

I'll open it.

[B]

Well, that's all right, Bill. I've got it practically. Practically, huh?

[C]

Is it stuck a little, Henry?

[B]

No, it isn't stuck. I just. Could you stand back, please?

[E]

Bill, how am I in the way?

[B]

I want to get my elbows out. Out a little further.

[E]

Here, let me show you how to open it.

[B]

Now, look out, Bill. All I have to do is. Nancy, would you mind if I push this sofa away?

[C]

No, Henry, don't get up.

[B]

I'll push you along. Along? Gee whiz, who opened that window?

[E]

I did.

[B]

You know, I thought I had it started. I just should have kept at it.

[E]

Anything else you want done, Nancy?

[C]

Well, there's some ginger ale out in the kitchen if one of you wants to.

[B]

Gee whiz, I'll get it for you. Nancy, you stay right where.

[E]

Sure you don't need any help lifting the bottles?

[C]

Now, Bill, you'll find everything out there on a tray. Henry, all you have to do is put some ice in the glasses.

[B]

I'll be right back.

[E]

Listen, Nancy, what do we have to have him around for?

[C]

But I like Henry. What do you suppose that is?

[E]

I don't know. Nancy, isn't there any way of getting

[C]

rid of him this evening?

[E]

What does he ever say, Bill?

[C]

My goodness, Henry Aldrich is one of the nicest people. I exclaimed.

[B]

Excuse Me, Nancy? But is there any special way of getting your ice trays loose?

[C]

Well, my mother never has any trouble. All she does is pull and they come right out.

[B]

Well, isn't that strange. I'll be right back.

[E]

Nice guy. I'd like to see him come out for football practice some afternoon.

[C]

Bill, you just don't understand. Henry.

[D]

No.

[E]

Say, about the dance Friday night.

[C]

What about it?

[E]

What time shall I.

[B]

What time shall I.

[E]

You know, he's gonna wreck your refrigerator. What time shall I call for you?

[C]

Oh, about Nancy. Yes, Mother? Are those boys playing football down there? No, Mother. Henry's getting some ice.

[B]

I'll pick everything up. Nancy. Does your mother have a good big screwdriver?

[C]

Henry, what is that all over your coat?

[B]

Why, I'm pretty sure it's tomato juice.

[E]

Get out of the way. Come on, Nancy. I'll get the ice out.

[B]

I think you'll want something to get it loose with.

[E]

Bill, what's the matter with my hands?

[B]

Well, be careful where you walk, Henry. Aldous, I didn't know that wire basket would come all the way out.

[E]

What did you want to take it out for?

[B]

So I could spread my elbows. Yeah.

[E]

Here, Nancy. Will one tray of ice be enough for you?

[B]

Gee, had I loosened it that much.

[E]

Nancy, you know what we were just saying about Henry in the living room?

[C]

What?

[E]

Well, don't you remember now, Bill?

[B]

You know, Nancy, I think I better be going.

[C]

This early, Henry?

[B]

Well, I've got. I've got a lot of homework to do, and I think I better.

[E]

Oh, so long, Henry.

[B]

So long. Well, so long, Nancy.

[C]

Goodbye.

[B]

What time will I be calling for you? Friday evening?

[C]

Friday evening?

[D]

Sure.

[B]

For the dance.

[C]

Henry, I didn't promise to go with you, did I?

[B]

Why, sure. Why, sure you didn't.

[C]

I don't see how I could have. I'm going with Bill.

[B]

Oh, with Bill.

[C]

Oh, I'm terribly sorry, Henry. I guess you just must have misunderstood me. I'll go to the door with you.

[B]

No, you go back and have your ginger ale. I can find my way all right.

[C]

Well, I hope you understand, Henry.

[B]

You and Bill just go ahead and start your drinking.

[G]

Sam, could you pass the toast, please?

[F]

There you are. Why didn't he go?

[G]

Well, dear, that's what I don't know. You remember the other evening when Henry came home from Nancy Adams?

[F]

When?

[G]

Last week, dear. A couple of nights before the dance. He walked into the house and went right straight up to his room, and it didn't come down again all evening. And, Sam, Henry hasn't been himself since then.

[F]

Did you have a talk with him?

[G]

Yes. And all he'd say was he felt dancing was a waste of time.

[C]

Time.

[H]

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[G]

mother Mary, come in here and eat your breakfast.

[C]

Mother, what do you think Henry's doing upstairs?

[F]

What is he doing?

[C]

He's putting on his best suit again. And that's the fourth day in a row he's worn it to school.

[G]

Well, dear Henry explained all about why he had to wear his best suit.

[C]

Is this mail for me?

[G]

Yes, dear.

[F]

Why does he have to wear it?

[G]

Well, he says the class may have their picture taken any day this month and they just aren't sure which day it's going to be. And so he wants to be prepared.

[C]

Well, my goodness. What's this letter all about?

[G]

What letter?

[C]

Certainly the most absurd thing I've ever seen. It must be for father.

[F]

May I see it, please?

[G]

Who is it from, Sam?

[F]

From the National Institute of Muscular development incorporated. Dear Mr. Ulrich, are you a man or a mouse?

[C]

I knew all the time it wasn't for me. Father?

[F]

Yes? Are you a man or a mouse? We assume it is the former. Otherwise we would not have received your recent inquiry. No man can make his mark in the world. No man can inspire the love of a good woman unless he is willing to develop his inner potential strength and enroll in our 26 week course.

[G]

Sam, what in the world are you reading?

[F]

I don't know, Alice, but I'm fascinated. In case you do not care to sign for the full 26 weeks we can offer a shorter course for the busy executive who is interested in only partial development. Remember, Decide now.

[G]

Sam, when did you write for that?

[F]

May I see the envelope in which this arrived?

[C]

It's right here, father. Oh my goodness. It's addressed to Mr. Harold Aldrich. Who's he?

[F]

I have no idea whether he's a man or a mouse.

[G]

Well, put the letter in the envelope, please. It's probably for Henry.

[C]

Mother, why would he want to develop.

[G]

I don't know, dear. And besides, it's none of our business. Please put it back in the envelope.

[I]

Well?

[F]

Well, I think I'll walk to the office this morning.

[G]

Why, Sam, you haven't walked to the office in six years.

[F]

Of course I have. I walked a couple of times just this last summer. It made me feel great.

[C]

I'll go get your coat for you, Father.

[B]

A coat?

[I]

A coat?

[B]

Why would I want a coat?

[C]

Well, I can at least get your hat for you.

[F]

Goodbye, Alice.

[B]

Father, are you leaving?

[E]

Goodbye, sir.

[B]

Goodbye. Mother, do you have any idea as to where my best tie is?

[G]

Your best tie? No, dear. Sit down and eat your breakfast.

[B]

But, Mother, I've got to find it.

[G]

There'll be plenty of time to find it after you've eaten. Now, please sit down. I want to ask you something.

[B]

What about?

[G]

What in the world is the trouble?

[B]

The trouble? The trouble? Jesus, I don't know of any trouble.

[G]

But you aren't yourself, dear. When anyone speaks to you, you're way up in the air.

[B]

I'm not up in the air, Mother. I may be a little upset this morning because I can't find my blue and white tie, but otherwise I feel fine.

[G]

Then why not eat your breakfast?

[B]

I'm going to eat. I'm going to eat.

[C]

How.

[G]

How's Nancy Adams these days?

[B]

Nancy Adams, Mother.

[G]

Well, all I asked is, how is she?

[B]

You see this book here, Mother? You see this book?

[J]

Yeah.

[B]

Well, that gives you an idea of how little interested I am in her.

[G]

What about it?

[B]

I borrowed it from her two weeks ago.

[C]

Well.

[B]

And now I'm returning it.

[C]

That's fine.

[B]

I'm returning it. I'm returning it, but that's all. That's as far as I go.

[G]

Would you like some butter on your toast?

[B]

No, thank you. And I'll have you know this Mother, if she asks me whether I'd like to keep it and finish it, I'll tell her I'm not even slightly interested.

[G]

That's fine, dear. Now drink your milk.

[B]

And do you know what else?

[G]

What?

[B]

That's all right. Never mind. But if her folks can't afford a better icebox than the one they have. Gee whiz, do you like Bill Turner?

[G]

Bill Turner? I hardly know him.

[B]

Gee, he's got a lot to learn. He just goes around. Do you know what he says?

[C]

Henry, what's your ambition in life?

[B]

My ambition? Mary, what do you mean, that's all?

[C]

I just wondered whether you wanted to be a man or a mouse.

[B]

Now, listen, Mary, I haven't any time for small talk. Have you seen my blue and white tie?

[C]

No, but I'd love to see your chest Expansion.

[B]

Now, Mary, that's what I say. Mother.

[C]

But, Mother, all I was going to ask you. Is he going to take the short course or the 26 week course of what?

[G]

Mary, will you please give Henry that letter?

[B]

What letter?

[C]

I don't think it's for you, though. Henry, you certainly didn't write to the National Institute of Muscular Development Incorporated, did you?

[B]

Yes. No. Yes. Listen, Mary, where did you get that letter?

[C]

You just said it wasn't yours.

[B]

Now, listen, Mary, that's United States mail.

[G]

Mary.

[C]

Mother, it says right here on the envelope. May be open for inspection.

[B]

Mary, give me that letter.

[C]

Are you Mr. Harold Aldrich?

[B]

No. Yes. No. Now, listen, Mary, you come back with that.

[G]

Children, stay out of the living room.

[C]

We won't break anything. I'm just helping Henry develop.

[B]

Now, listen, Mary, you're only going to make me late for school.

[C]

Do you want to take it with you to show to Nancy Adam?

[B]

Mary, if you breathe one word about that to her. Mary. Mary, come back down here with that. Is there a class in this room next period, Homer?

[J]

Sure. What are all those questions you're filling out, Henry?

[B]

Nothing, Homer. Nothing important. It's just some information I've got to send away. Could you measure my calf once more, please?

[J]

It's pretty hard with this ruler.

[B]

Well, well, just go around me real slow.

[J]

It's 14. Exactly.

[B]

14 for my calf. Gee whiz, my ankle was 14, too. It was? Yes, Homer. And I don't want to mislead anyone. I don't want them to send me. I.

[J]

Listen, Henry, what is it you're sending for?

[B]

Nothing, Homer. Gee whiz, why would I? Do you know whether Nancy Adams has a class here next period?

[J]

I thought you were ignoring her.

[B]

I am. That's why I'm waiting to return this book. When I give her this back, it's going to end everything.

[J]

Well, let me see that letter just for a second, will you, please?

[B]

No.

[J]

Homer, what does this question at the bottom mean?

[B]

What question?

[J]

Do you have flat feet? And you wrote in? Yes.

[B]

Now, listen, Homer.

[J]

Well, what did it say then?

[B]

Keep quiet, Homer. Miss Watson just came into the room.

[J]

Miss Watson.

[C]

Well, boys, you certainly look busy.

[B]

We are, Miss Watson.

[C]

You working on your biology?

[B]

Well, in a way, we are.

[C]

Well, isn't that fine? You know, we're going to start working on mice next week.

[B]

We are on mice?

[C]

Yes. We're going to compare their developments with that of man.

[B]

What's that?

[J]

Come on, Henry. That's the end of the period and there's a class coming in.

[C]

Hello, Henry. What are you doing in here?

[B]

Well, I'll tell you, Nancy. I've been waiting. I've been filling out.

[J]

Henry, you're getting ink all over yourself.

[B]

I am? Well, Nancy, I just wanted to tell you how much I enjoyed this book.

[C]

Well, I'm awfully glad you returned it, Henry. Cause Bill Turner is anxious.

[B]

He is?

[C]

Are you sure you're through with it?

[B]

Oh, yes. After all, even if I weren't through with it. Well, naturally, if Bill wants to read it.

[C]

Where have you been for the last week?

[E]

Just around. Just around.

[J]

Hey, Henry. Come on.

[B]

You go on ahead, Homer. I may be held up here a second.

[C]

You better go, Henry.

[B]

I just wanted to tell you, though, how much I enjoyed your book.

[C]

Henry Aldridge, don't you and Homer Brown have a class this.

[B]

Yes, Miss Watson. I'm on my way right this minute.

[C]

Bye, Henry.

[B]

Goodbye.

[J]

Henry, let me have a look at that letter, will you?

[B]

What letter?

[J]

About your flat feet.

[B]

Now, Homer, Listen. Homer, where is that letter?

[J]

I haven't got it.

[B]

But, Homer, I put it in this English book. I put it in this English. You suppose I put it in Nancy's book?

[J]

Why would you do that?

[B]

I didn't know I did. I was talking to her and I just stuck it in there.

[J]

Well, come on. You can't go back now.

[B]

Homer, I gotta get that letter. Why? My name's on it. Do you think I want a thing like that to be read publicly by Nancy?

[J]

Well, you certainly can't get.

[B]

Maybe they haven't started yet.

[J]

Well, I'm not going in with you. I don't want that whole class to look at me.

[B]

Keep quiet, Homer.

[C]

Will you all get out your pencils, please?

[B]

Miss Watson, I'm sorry to interrupt your lesson like this, but I just returned Nancy to a book. I mean. I mean, Nancy's desk has something in it I'd like. I want. I. I mean, need.

[C]

Is it anything you can't do without for the rest of the period?

[B]

Yes, ma'. Am. I have to have it.

[C]

Well, if it won't take more than a second, you may go to her desk and get it.

[B]

Thank you, Miss Watson.

[C]

In the meantime, will all of you be copying what is on the board?

[J]

Here?

[B]

Nancy.

[C]

Henry, what on earth is it you want?

[B]

I'd like to borrow that book again, Henry.

[C]

Didn't have to come all the way back into the class and embarrass me.

[B]

But I just happen to remember I haven't finished it.

[C]

I thought you had finished it.

[B]

So did I, until I got out. Yes, Miss Watson.

[C]

Here, Henry.

[G]

Thanks, Henry.

[C]

May I ask what book that is?

[B]

This book I just got from Nancy?

[C]

Yes.

[B]

Well, it's. It's just a book.

[C]

What is the title?

[B]

Murder on the Third Floor.

[C]

That is the book you were in so much of a hurry to get.

[B]

Well, I'll tell you, it isn't the murder. I'm so anxious.

[C]

May I have the book, please?

[B]

The whole book?

[C]

The whole book?

[B]

Well, couldn't I just.

[C]

Please do not open it.

[B]

No.

[C]

May I have it, please?

[B]

Yes, Miss Watson.

[C]

And I should like to see Nancy Adams immediately after class. But, Miss Watson, please leave the classroom.

[B]

Yes, Miss Watson. I'll go.

[D]

Well, Henry may be a man, but it's easy to see how he'd feel like a mouse if that letter gets around. So let's hope that it doesn't. And if you will turn to something that should get around, something that all of you should know about, you really owe it to yourself and to your family to find out what a swell treat it is to enjoy a good, hot cup of Postum with your meals. For I can promise you, if you haven't tried postum, you have a very pleasant surprise in store. Because postum really hits the spot. Sugar and cream to suit your taste. And you have a cup of pleasure overflowing with goodness. The goodness of Postum's inviting aroma and irresistible flavor. Just don't expect Postum to taste like coffee. Any more than you'd expect coffee to taste like tea. For naturally, postum is different. And it's that very distinctiveness of flavor that gives Postum its special, delightful appeal. Yes, folks, is a good, hot mealtime drink for all the family. For even the youngsters at the table, you'll agree that no drink is quite so good as postum. So fill everyone's cup with it and see if I'm not right in saying it's flavor that puts the mmm in postum. Now getting back to the troubles of Henry Aldrich. Henry has decided that he needs a course in physical development. After filling out the rather intimate questions on the application blank, he discovers that he has left the blank in a book belonging to Nancy Adams. The scene opens in Henry's school at the close of the period.

[J]

Listen, Henry, this will make two classes I missed just because of you.

[B]

Homer, all you have to do is just walk into Ms. Watson's classroom, pick up Nancy's book and walk out with her.

[J]

Are you sure Ms. Watson isn't in there?

[B]

No one's in there. There isn't a soul in there.

[J]

Why don't you go in and get it.

[B]

Well, gee whiz, Homer. I was going to stand here in the doorway and keep watch for you.

[J]

Well, if anyone does. Come along, Henry, don't speak. Just clear your throat.

[B]

Sure, I'll just sort of cough.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

Nobody's coming, Homer.

[G]

That's it.

[B]

Just walk right along as though you owned the place.

[J]

Which book is it I'm to take?

[B]

The one your hand is on.

[J]

This, isn't it?

[B]

Well, it must be there, Homer.

[J]

Well, come here and show it to me.

[B]

All right. Wait a second. I'll close the door partway.

[J]

If it was here, it would be here.

[B]

Homer, I'm almost positive Ms. Watson didn't take it with her.

[J]

All right, show it to me.

[B]

Well, gee whiz, It's a book with a blue cover.

[J]

A blue cover?

[D]

Blue.

[C]

Yes, I will.

[J]

Henry, someone's out in the hall.

[C]

Well, I'm glad you.

[B]

Quick, Homer, duck.

[J]

Well, we.

[D]

Duck.

[B]

Get down here beside her desk.

[J]

Did they come in, Henry?

[B]

No, they just closed the door. Gee whiz, they locked it.

[J]

They locked it? You mean we're locked in and I can't get to solid geometry?

[B]

Well, at least they didn't see us, Homer.

[J]

But, Henry, I'm weak in geometry as it is.

[B]

Well, all we have to do is climb out that window, Homer.

[J]

Well, what good will that do? We're way up on the third floor.

[C]

Nancy, could you take these keys down to the main office, please? Yes, Miss Watson. And, Nancy, if you are quite sure you won't let this book interfere with your studies anymore, you may have it. Yes, Miss Watson. After all, Henry Aldrich has much more important things to attend to in school than reading mystery stories. Yes, Ms. Watson. He's a very nice boy, Nancy. At least he has his good points. But I do wish you'd become more interested in someone who takes things just a bit more seriously.

[B]

Be careful, Homer. Do you want to knock me off this fire escape?

[J]

Oh, gee whiz, Henry. We've got to get off of here somehow.

[B]

Sure, and I suppose you want to go down to the bottom and jump. Don't you realize this fire escape goes right past first and second floor classrooms?

[J]

Keep quiet, Henry. Suppose somebody should come back into Ms. Watson's room.

[B]

Let's close the window we came through. Then if anyone does, they won't hear us.

[J]

Easy now, Henry.

[B]

I'm being quiet.

[C]

That's it.

[J]

Make all the noise you can, Homer.

[B]

All we have to do now is go up the fire escape to the roof.

[J]

And then what?

[B]

Well, it's bound to lead to Something. Homer, come on. Have you got Nancy's book?

[J]

Sure. Here, take it.

[B]

Is my letter in it?

[J]

I don't know.

[B]

Hey, Homer, what'd you take this for?

[C]

What?

[B]

This isn't Nancy's book. Gee whiz. It's Ms. Watson's report book.

[J]

Her report book?

[B]

What made you think my letter would be inside that?

[J]

You said blue, so I grabbed blue.

[B]

Well, you should have looked, Homer. If we get caught with that, we could even be expelled just for having a report book. Sure.

[J]

Well, you can be the one that takes it back, Henry.

[B]

I'll take it back, Homer. All I have to do is open the window again.

[J]

Be sure no one's in there, Henry.

[B]

No one's in there. Gee whiz.

[J]

All you have to do is lift, Henry.

[B]

I am lifting. Get away so I can spread my elbows. Does it open? Let me try once more.

[J]

Well, what's the matter, Henry? Are you weak?

[B]

Oh, gee whiz. Maybe I do need. Wouldn't you think I could at least open a window when it's an emergency?

[J]

You're certainly in a nice fix. You've got Ms. Watson's reports and Nancy's got your measurements.

[B]

Sure. And probably by this time, Nancy's read the whole thing. Come on, pull, Homer.

[I]

Boys. Boys. What are you doing up there?

[J]

Who is it, Henry?

[I]

What are you doing up there?

[B]

It's Mr. Bradley. He's down in the courtyard. Boys, why. Why, we're just trying to open a window.

[I]

Don't you know the rules about going out on the fire escape?

[B]

Are there any special rules, Mr. Bradley?

[I]

What are your names?

[B]

Why, I'm Henry Aldridge.

[I]

Who?

[J]

Homer Brown.

[C]

Who?

[B]

Henry and Homer Aldrich and Brown. Yes, sir.

[I]

Will you please report in my office at once?

[B]

Yes, sir. How would you like to have us get there? Any way you can. Well, the only trouble is. Mr. Bradley. What's that? Nothing. We'll get down. Hey, Nancy.

[I]

Wait.

[E]

Nancy.

[C]

I've got to go to class.

[E]

Bill, what's that book you've got?

[C]

Murder on the Third Floor.

[E]

Let me read it, will you?

[C]

Henry Aldrich hasn't finished it yet, Bill.

[E]

But I've got a study period, and I've got to have something to read.

[C]

Bill Turner, you give me that book.

[B]

I won't hurt it.

[C]

Bill, let me have it. Please, Bill. Bill, bring it.

[E]

And now then, class, the first question

[B]

is, what is the comparative? The comparative?

[C]

Could you get the window open, Henry?

[B]

Sure.

[J]

Nice going.

[E]

May I ask what this means?

[B]

Oh, excuse me, Mr. Van Wee.

[E]

Do you realize you literally are breaking

[B]

into a Latin Class. But this is the only window on the fire escape we could get open.

[J]

Mr. Bradley wants us right away, we think.

[B]

Well, get out of the room quickly as you can, please. Yes, sir. Now then, class, what is the comparative of bonus? Who, me?

[E]

No.

[I]

About how long have you been a student in this school, young man?

[B]

About three years, Mr. Bradley.

[I]

And this other young man?

[J]

About three and a half, Mr. Bradley. Well, that was on account of the mumps right on top of the measles.

[I]

I see. Then you both know those fire escapes were placed on this building for emergency use only.

[B]

Well, the fact is. Mr. Bradley.

[G]

Mr. Bradley, I have some papers here that were just picked up in the third floor hall.

[I]

What are they?

[C]

Well, they seem to be some sort

[G]

of a physical education report.

[I]

Just post them on the bulletin board, please.

[B]

Well, Miss Shea, could I. Could you. Is that by any chance my paper?

[C]

Yours?

[B]

Yes, ma', am, it might be mine.

[G]

How much do you weigh?

[B]

132 pounds.

[C]

Well, this is not yours.

[B]

Well, have. Have any others been picked up lately? I mean, around 132?

[C]

They have not.

[I]

Homer, must you lean on my desk?

[J]

Oh, no, sir. Excuse me. I thought you were through with this.

[I]

I don't know what gave you that impression.

[E]

Excuse me, but could I interrupt you, Mr. Bradley?

[I]

You're Bill Turner, aren't you?

[B]

Yes, sir.

[E]

I'm the one that carried three men over our gold Saturday.

[I]

What were you sent in here for?

[E]

Well, I don't suppose I should have been reading this book during study hour, Mr. Bradley.

[I]

What's the title?

[E]

Murder on the third floor.

[B]

Murder? Well, gee. Well, Henry. Yes, Mr. Bradley?

[I]

What do you think of a boy who would spend his time reading a book like that?

[B]

Well, I guess it's pretty bad, Mr. Bradley.

[J]

That's what I say.

[I]

Do you know what I think all three of you boys need?

[B]

No, sir.

[I]

Suppose you wait here, all of you, while I step out and get your records.

[B]

Yes, Mr. Bradley.

[E]

Well, Henry, you aren't worried about anything, are you?

[B]

Listen, Bill, could I borrow that book a second?

[E]

Nancy's book.

[B]

All I want to do is take it for one second.

[E]

What for?

[B]

I just want to. I just want. Bill, can't you even let me look at it?

[E]

Keep your hands off it.

[J]

Look what fell out of it. There's your letter right on the floor.

[B]

Oh, gee whiz. Hey, Bill Turner, you take your foot off that.

[E]

You make me.

[B]

Do you hear me? Take your foot off that letter.

[J]

Henry. Somebody's coming.

[B]

I don't care, Mr. Bradley.

[C]

Ms. Watson asked me to.

[B]

She whiz Henry.

[J]

Hello, Nancy.

[B]

Close the door.

[E]

Let go of my leg.

[B]

You lift your leg. Do you hear me? Lift it, boy.

[C]

Stop it.

[J]

Lift his leg, Henry J. Wiz.

[C]

Hey, Bill.

[B]

Quit. You're twisting my head off. Yeah, Belle.

[C]

Turner, you stop that.

[B]

Darn you, Bill.

[J]

There, Henry. Gee, Henry, did you knock him out?

[B]

Oh, boy.

[J]

Gee, you lifted him right off the floor.

[B]

Hey, what hit me?

[C]

He's all right, Henry. Pick him up before Mr. Bradley comes in.

[B]

Come on, Homer. Let's lift him onto the couch.

[E]

Listen, Aldrich, what did you hit me with?

[B]

I just used my bare hands, didn't I, Nancy?

[I]

Now then, young man. Turner, did anyone invite you to lie down on that couch?

[E]

No, Mr. Bradley.

[B]

I'll help him up.

[I]

Mr. Bradley, don't you think he can get up himself?

[E]

Well, I'm up.

[C]

Well, young lady, Miss Watson asked me to bring her keys down here.

[I]

Thank you. Turner. Here's what I want you to do. I want you to spend a part of each lunch hour for the next 10 days picking up the papers in the halls of this building.

[E]

On all three floors.

[I]

On all three floors. And ask, how did Ms. Watson's report book get here? On my desk.

[J]

On your desk, Mr. Bradley.

[I]

Nancy, will you see that she gets it?

[B]

Yes, sir.

[I]

Aldrich and brown.

[B]

Yes, Mr. Bradley.

[J]

Yes, Mr. Bradley.

[I]

Aldrich, what is that you're tearing up?

[B]

Why, it's just a sort of a letter that I've decided I won't need to send away.

[I]

It so happens that the gym instructor needs a couple of huskies such as you two to go down each afternoon and help him move the steel lockers.

[B]

Move them?

[I]

Yes, sir.

[J]

Aren't there a couple of hundred?

[I]

Mr. Bradley, there are more than a couple of hundred. It will take every afternoon for the next two weeks.

[J]

Well, gee whiz.

[B]

That's all right, Homer. The exercise will do us good.

[D]

Henry Aldrich will be back in just a moment. In the meantime, remember, there are two big reasons why you like Postum. You like it if coffee keeps you awake and you love it as a good, hot mealtime drink that all the family can and will enjoy. So tomorrow, ask your grocer for Postum.

[C]

Henry, do you suppose you could open the window, please?

[B]

Sure.

[C]

Here, I'll pull on one end with you.

[B]

She whiz. I don't need any help. Nancy, do you think I'm a weakling? Oh, boy.

[D]

Listen again next week to the Aldrich family. Same time, same station for another sparkling half hour with your favorite youngster, his family and his pals, the Aldrich Family, starring Ezra Stone is written by Clifford Goldsmith. Original music is composed and conducted by Jack Miller. This is Harry von Zell saying, you will enjoy fragrant, flavorful Postum. And remember, Postum contains no stimulants. It cannot keep you awake. Good night.

[I]

It.