
Aldrich Family - Homer Expects a Surprise Party for Himself
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Narrator
You don't need to tie a string around your finger in order to remember the teenage boy you once knew. Or once were. Any boy will bring back those memories. Especially if he is Henry Aldrich. The scene opens in Homer Brown's house. The time is early afternoon.
Will Brown
Elizabeth, is the coast clear?
Elizabeth Brown
Yes, Will.
Alice Brown
Homer's upstairs in his room.
Narrator
Good.
Will Brown
Give me a hand with these things.
Alice Brown
My goodness. We're all these pots and brushes just
Homer Brown
to paint the living room woodwork.
Narrator
Not so loud.
Will Brown
You want Homer to hear? When's Henry coming over?
Alice Brown
He should be here any minute now. Will, I can't understand why you don't want Homer around when you paint.
Will Brown
I'm just thinking of you.
Narrator
Elizabeth.
Will Brown
You just stepped in a pot of paint and crack up your whole house.
Alice Brown
What makes you think so?
Will Brown
He's Homer, isn't he?
Alice Brown
But you could make an exception this once. After all, it's his birthday next week.
Will Brown
I know. And I bought him a ukulele. That's enough for any boy.
Alice Brown
Mother, does that sound like Homer?
Will Brown
Elizabeth, don't be foolish. Hyperpink will miss but quick if he sees this stuff.
Henry Aldrich
I'm sorry.
Will Brown
Hand me those pots.
Elizabeth Brown
Oh, my goodness.
Alice Brown
You're not behind the sofa.
Elizabeth Brown
Are you in the living room? Yes, dear.
Homer Brown
Didn't you hear me calling? Why, what's that sticking out from behind the sofa?
Will Brown
Who do you think he.
Homer Brown
Father. From this angle, I didn't recognize you. Did you lose something?
Will Brown
No.
Homer Brown
Oh, you're fixing the sofa.
Henry Aldrich
No.
Homer Brown
Doing exercises?
Henry Aldrich
No.
Will Brown
Hoban. I'm playing hide and seek with Mother.
Alice Brown
No.
Homer Brown
Who's this?
Alice Brown
Dear, did you walk to me for something special?
Elizabeth Brown
Oh, yeah.
Homer Brown
Did you see my chemistry chef?
Alice Brown
Your chemistry chef?
Homer Brown
Boy, here I am, ready to start the biggest experiment of my life and it's disappeared.
Alice Brown
It's on the bottom shelf of the pantry. I borrowed it to bake that chocolate cake the other day.
Homer Brown
You made it with my chemistry chef? No wonder I felt so peculiar.
Alice Brown
Dear, you felt peculiar because you ate five pieces. All I borrowed was your sodium bicarbonate. It's the same as baking soda it is.
Narrator
Yes.
Will Brown
Now go get it.
Homer Brown
Sure, Father. But do you think it's very scientific to put anything in a chemistry set you can bake a cake with?
Will Brown
Now, let's see. I think this is the right price.
Alice Brown
If you won't let Homer take too, I think you could at least wait till he's out of the house before you start.
Will Brown
I'm not starting, but it can't hurt to test the color. And now, stand back.
Elizabeth Brown
Don't feel your flattery.
Will Brown
I'll never make it back to the soap.
Elizabeth Brown
I can't.
Will Brown
Stand in front of me.
Homer Brown
Is it all right if I borrow a few things from the kitchen?
Elizabeth Brown
What for?
Homer Brown
My experiment. If you can use chemistry to bake a cake, why not vice versa?
Elizabeth Brown
Very well.
Alice Brown
If you promise to return everything, you can borrow what you need.
Homer Brown
I already have. And, Mother?
Elizabeth Brown
Yes? I is.
Homer Brown
You're looking for Father? He's under the piano.
Elizabeth Brown
Hold on.
Will Brown
Go up to your room.
Homer Brown
Stay under there. Father, I'm going.
Alice Brown
Will Brown.
Elizabeth Brown
Just look. You've got green paint all over everything.
Will Brown
Elizabeth, it isn't all over everything. Just a few spots on the wall
Narrator
and a little on the ceiling.
Elizabeth Brown
Hey, Homer.
Will Brown
Henry, come in here.
Homer Brown
Hi, Mr. Brown.
Henry Aldrich
Hi, Mrs. Brown.
Alice Brown
You started painting yet?
Will Brown
Henry, quiet. Homer's right upstairs in his room.
Henry Aldrich
Oh, was I raising my voice?
Will Brown
I'm afraid you would. Henry. Are you sure you have everything straight?
Henry Aldrich
Sure. I'm to get Homer out of the house and not bring him back until you're through fooling around with the woodwork. Henry, I'm not fooling around.
Narrator
Do you think you'll have any trouble
Will Brown
getting Homer out of the house? Sometimes he's as stubborn as a mule.
Alice Brown
Will Brown. It's just as when he gets something in his mind, he finds it hard getting it out.
Henry Aldrich
Gee, you don't have to worry, Mr. Brown. All I have to do is smile at Homer and Gee whiz, I can
Homer Brown
get him to do anything I want.
Elizabeth Brown
Excuse me, Homer. Bill, what are you going to do
Alice Brown
about those green spots?
Will Brown
Oh, just hand me the Serpentine.
Elizabeth Brown
Homer? Homer, are you up in your room? Hi. I am.
Homer Brown
Come on in.
Henry Aldrich
Thanks.
Elizabeth Brown
Say, Homer, what do you say with
Henry Aldrich
Gee whiz, What are you making with that chemistry set?
Homer Brown
Money.
Henry Aldrich
Homer, that's against the law.
Homer Brown
Oh, I don't mean our making the money kind of money. I'm inventing a hair grower.
Henry Aldrich
What for?
Homer Brown
To grow hair. On what heads? Be whiz.
Henry Aldrich
But, Homer, you've already got more hair than you need. I know.
Will Brown
Gee Whiz looks like A head of lettuce.
Homer Brown
Now, Henley, I'm not making it for myself.
Henry Aldrich
No, no.
Homer Brown
It's just for human beings in general. There's an article in this magazine that says the guy who finds something like that will make a fortune.
Elizabeth Brown
No kidding.
Homer Brown
Now stand back while I put in some yeast.
Henry Aldrich
Yeast?
Homer Brown
If it makes cakes rise, it might do the same thing for hair.
Elizabeth Brown
Homer.
Henry Aldrich
Old timer, why fool around with things like Hair Restore when we could be outside doing really important things?
Homer Brown
Like what?
Henry Aldrich
Like.
Will Brown
Well.
Elizabeth Brown
Did you know they're starting to rip
Henry Aldrich
up Main street today?
Homer Brown
They are?
Elizabeth Brown
Sure.
Henry Aldrich
From Birch to Sycamore. You see the kind of important things that are going on in the outside world.
Homer Brown
Growing hair is important.
Elizabeth Brown
Sure.
Henry Aldrich
But, Homer, did I mention I was planning on our going to a movie, too?
Will Brown
On me?
Homer Brown
No, thanks.
Henry Aldrich
Plus a soda afterwards.
Homer Brown
I'm not interested.
Henry Aldrich
Well, how about no?
Elizabeth Brown
But, Homer, look, I'm smiling. No. Homer, stop being stubborn as a mule.
Homer Brown
Henry, will you please stop dragging.
Henry Aldrich
But, Homer, the fresh air is good for you.
Elizabeth Brown
It's so good for me.
Homer Brown
Why are you forcing me to go to the moldy?
Alice Brown
I'm not forcing you.
Homer Brown
Then let go of my arm.
Henry Aldrich
Look, Homer, Old timer, just give me one good reason why you don't want to go to the movies.
Homer Brown
I've seen the pictures.
Henry Aldrich
I know, but give me one other good reason.
Homer Brown
Why should I go to the movies when I could be making a million dollars and helping my fellow man to boo. I'm going home.
Henry Aldrich
Homer, you can't go home, and that's that. Why not? Homer, please don't ask me why not.
Elizabeth Brown
You just.
Henry Aldrich
Oh, what do you mean by a remark like that?
Homer Brown
Oh, oh, Henry, answer me one question. Did my parents tell you to keep me away?
Henry Aldrich
Your parents? And Homer, you have no right to ask that.
Elizabeth Brown
Oh, look, Homer, let me get you
Henry Aldrich
a whole bag of sour balls all for yourself.
Elizabeth Brown
Sour ball?
Henry Aldrich
I'd be only too happy to go in the candy kitchen here and buy you some. On me. Now, don't you move, Homer.
Homer Brown
Stay right there. Surehand, old timer. Anything you say.
Elizabeth Brown
Homer, is that you?
Henry Aldrich
Huh?
Homer Brown
Oh, hi, Willie.
Henry Aldrich
Why are you standing around looking like that?
Homer Brown
Like what?
Will Brown
Like you're looking with your mouth hanging open and everything.
Homer Brown
Boy, Willie, have I been a fool.
Will Brown
I know, but why do it in public?
Homer Brown
You know what, Willie? I'm being thrown a surprise party tonight.
Elizabeth Brown
Your. You know what?
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Homer Brown
My parents even have Henry trying to keep me away from the house while they're getting everything ready. Oh, the only thing is, why do you suppose they're throwing it today? My birthday isn't until next week. I don't know. Oh, now that I think of it, my father did mention something about going out of town next week.
Henry Aldrich
Sure, sure.
Will Brown
Well, have a good time, Homer.
Henry Aldrich
What do you mean?
Elizabeth Brown
Nothing.
Will Brown
Just happy returns of the day and
Henry Aldrich
all that sort of junk.
Homer Brown
Willie, what's the matter?
Elizabeth Brown
Oh, nothing, Homer.
Henry Aldrich
I guess your mother's just inviting your closest friends.
Homer Brown
You mean you weren't invited?
Elizabeth Brown
Oh, well, that's okay, Homer. Don't give it another thought.
Alice Brown
I don't mind.
Elizabeth Brown
I'm not hurt.
Henry Aldrich
I'll get over it, Willie.
Homer Brown
There must be a mistake somewhere. See where my folks know if there's anybody I want at my party, it's you.
Henry Aldrich
You mean, not Homer.
Elizabeth Brown
Sure.
Will Brown
Course I'm not hurt, you know.
Homer Brown
Here comes Henry. I don't want him to know I've caught on.
Elizabeth Brown
Oh, sure.
Henry Aldrich
Here, Homer. A whole bag of sour balls.
Elizabeth Brown
Different colors.
Henry Aldrich
Oh, hi, Willie. Hi, Henry.
Will Brown
Welcome, Homer.
Henry Aldrich
I'll see you, you know, when at. You know where you are.
Homer Brown
Willy, what's he talking about? Oh, nothing, Hen. Old timer, come on, let's go. Go where? To the movies. Even though it's a terrible place picture. I certainly wouldn't deprive you.
Henry Aldrich
Well, gee whiz.
Homer Brown
And I'll tell you what else, Hen. This time it's on me.
Elizabeth Brown
Where did you say you were, Henry?
Henry Aldrich
At the movies, Mr. Brown.
Homer Brown
I'm phoning from there.
Elizabeth Brown
You got Homer to go?
Henry Aldrich
Oh, I got him to go, all right, Homer.
Alice Brown
Oh, that's fine. And Mr. Down still has half of the living room walls and the.
Henry Aldrich
I thought he Was just doing the woodwork.
Alice Brown
Well, his brush splattered once or twice more, so he decided to do a complete job. So keep Homer away as long as possible.
Henry Aldrich
Well, about that. You haven't heard from Homer in the
Homer Brown
past 15 minutes, have you?
Elizabeth Brown
Homer, you haven't lost him, have you? No, no, I haven't lost him.
Henry Aldrich
He's just a little misplaced, that's all.
Elizabeth Brown
Oh, my goodness.
Henry Aldrich
Got up to go for a drink of waters and be with. You know how terrible he is on directions. He probably just went back to the wrong seat. Elizabeth here.
Alice Brown
Will Henry, Mr. Brown will be very upset if Homer turns up here now.
Henry Aldrich
Sure, Mrs. Brown. I'll go over the theater with a fine tooth comb.
Elizabeth Brown
Goodbye.
Alice Brown
Goodbye.
Will Brown
Elizabeth, are you through with the phone?
Henry Aldrich
All through.
Will Brown
I've got to call the hardware store. We'll need some more paint.
Alice Brown
But, Will, you had plenty left for the living room.
Will Brown
Yes, but I was thinking, if we do the living room, think how shabby
Narrator
the hall will look by contrast.
Elizabeth Brown
Will Brown. You mean. You splattered again.
Homer Brown
Hi, Mr. Dreisel.
Narrator
Hello.
Will Brown
I'll be with you as soon as
Narrator
I get these jelly rolls in the window.
Homer Brown
Take your time. Boy, if there's one thing I like to stand around and see, smell, it's a bakery.
Will Brown
Now, what can I do for you?
Homer Brown
Why, I'm just sort of checking up on. Oh, boy.
Narrator
What's wrong?
Homer Brown
Nothing. But look in this glass case here.
Narrator
Oh, those are my special orders.
Homer Brown
That cake in back, the one with pink icing. What does that lettering say?
Narrator
Happy Anniversary to Virgie and Fred.
Elizabeth Brown
It does?
Narrator
Yeah.
Homer Brown
You know, upside down, Virgie looks something like Homer.
Narrator
What is it you're after, Homer?
Homer Brown
I look like I'm after something?
Will Brown
Yep.
Homer Brown
Mr. Streisl, I don't want you to give away any secrets, but did my mother place an order today?
Narrator
Yes, she did.
Homer Brown
Oh, boy.
Will Brown
I've got it written down here.
Narrator
Rye bread, half a dozen rolls and some donuts.
Homer Brown
That's all?
Henry Aldrich
Yep.
Homer Brown
You couldn't be mistaken, could you? I mean, do you suppose my mother could avoid a cake if said, happy birthday, Homer? And you thought she said, happy anniversary, Virgie and Fred.
Narrator
All she ordered was donuts.
Homer Brown
Oh, well, come to think of it, I am pretty fond of donuts.
Elizabeth Brown
That's right.
Homer Brown
And I guess they are more practical for a party. You don't have to slice them.
Elizabeth Brown
Are they?
Homer Brown
See, now that I think of it, donuts are perfect.
Narrator
Homer, these donuts can't be for a party.
Homer Brown
Why not?
Narrator
I'm glad it's a pretty Small all party. Your mother just ordered six.
Homer Brown
You mean 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6. Y. Mr. Sil, you must be wrong.
Narrator
Wrong?
Homer Brown
You must have said six dozen.
Elizabeth Brown
Six dozen, sure. Gee.
Homer Brown
Wh.
Henry Aldrich
How far would six donuts go with
Homer Brown
the mob that's coming to my house tonight.
Narrator
As the fleet seems proudly out under the Golden Gate Bridge for their spring maneuvers.
Henry Aldrich
Homer. Homer, are you in this row?
Elizabeth Brown
Homer?
Will Brown
Young man, would you mind moving?
Henry Aldrich
Yes, sir.
Will Brown
You're blocking the United States fleet.
Homer Brown
Oh, excuse me, Homer.
Narrator
In the battle line streams our great fleet as they approach the imaginary enemy.
Elizabeth Brown
Hey, Homer, is that you?
Alice Brown
Young man, would you please keep quiet?
Henry Aldrich
But, lady, could you please tap that fella sitting next to you and ask him if he's Homer Brown?
Elizabeth Brown
That's not Homer Brown.
Henry Aldrich
It looks just like him.
Alice Brown
That's my shopping bag.
Elizabeth Brown
It is? See?
Henry Aldrich
I was sure I recognized his hair.
Elizabeth Brown
That's not hair. That's a head of letter. Now, moving on. Yes, ma'.
Homer Brown
Am.
Henry Aldrich
Besides, I think I see him down front anyway.
Narrator
And now the fleet lets go the first salvo at the enemy hoover.
Elizabeth Brown
Homer, don't you realize you're in the wrong screen? Let go. Now on. Are you Homer? I'm just going to let go, you sexy. But I thought. Okay, I can wait. I'm letting go. I'm letting go.
Narrator
Donnie, would you please stay behind that screen?
Homer Brown
I just wanted to see how you were coming along with my paint.
Will Brown
I'm have some press for you in
Narrator
just a few minutes, see?
Homer Brown
That's okay. I'm supposed to stay away from home until supper time anyway. Yeah, I'm being surprised, you know.
Will Brown
That's fine.
Homer Brown
That's how I happen to get caught with my pants unpressed. You don't happen to have a door open, do you?
Narrator
No, why?
Homer Brown
No reason. I just thought I sold a draft. Could I use your phone?
Narrator
All you need's a nickel, son. It's a pay phone.
Homer Brown
Thanks.
Will Brown
Hey, watch it.
Homer Brown
There he was. I'm showing again. Look, suppose I wrap this overcoat around my waist?
Will Brown
Okay, but be careful.
Narrator
We're facing on a public street, you know.
Homer Brown
Sure.
Alice Brown
Number, please?
Homer Brown
ELM911L9 1 1. Yes, ma'.
Elizabeth Brown
Am.
Homer Brown
Say, mister.
Narrator
What is it now?
Homer Brown
Could you press those pants so I look a little taller?
Will Brown
How could I do it?
Elizabeth Brown
Thank you.
Will Brown
Like that.
Homer Brown
Now what? I know I'm no Taylor.
Narrator
And I'm no Miracle man.
Homer Brown
Hello? Is this Agnes? Yeah. Hi. Hi.
Elizabeth Brown
Hi.
Homer Brown
What do you want? Nothing. I just called to ask if your cousin Eloise is still visiting you.
Elizabeth Brown
Sure, why?
Homer Brown
No reason. But if you want to bring her along tonight. It's perfectly all right. Bring her where? You know, Agnes, you know, we were
Elizabeth Brown
just gonna hang around and pull Cassie.
Homer Brown
Oh, sure you were.
Elizabeth Brown
Listen, Humber.
Henry Aldrich
What's up, Agnes?
Homer Brown
Don't tell my mother, but I know.
Elizabeth Brown
Know what?
Homer Brown
About my surprise party tonight.
Elizabeth Brown
You're having a party?
Homer Brown
You weren't invited either?
Elizabeth Brown
No.
Henry Aldrich
See?
Homer Brown
Where's my mother? Showing all the pieces on this thing.
Alice Brown
Just look at me.
Homer Brown
If you're definitely to come.
Elizabeth Brown
Sure.
Homer Brown
And Eloise, too.
Elizabeth Brown
How are you, doll? I'll hang up a second. Ready? What are you wearing?
Homer Brown
Well, right now? Why? What I usually wear. Only I'll be pressed.
Elizabeth Brown
Okay. Boy. And you think all I had to look forward to was pulling Kathy? Hey, Homer.
Homer Brown
So long. What's up, Willie?
Henry Aldrich
Oh, I just ran.
Homer Brown
Homer, did you know you had that overcoat on wrong. Never mind, Willie.
Henry Aldrich
Oh, well, the reason I've been looking for you. Charlie Clark and Toby Smith are pretty upset about not being invited.
Homer Brown
Them too. Listen, Willie, would you dig them up and tell them it's a mistake and they're definitely to come?
Henry Aldrich
Okay.
Homer Brown
Maybe you better stop by the bakery on your way and order three more. Dozens of what? Donuts. With all these extra people coming, we're going to need them.
Henry Aldrich
Okay.
Homer Brown
And do you happen to have five nickels for a quarter? I better check up and see who else my mother forgot to invite.
Narrator
And now, getting back to the troubles of Henry Aldrich. When Henry refused to let him go home, Palmer jumped at the conclusion that his parents were throwing him a surprise party. And while he's been checking on all the preparations, Henry has been trying desperately to locate him. The scene opens in a phone booth at the movie house.
Henry Aldrich
Mother, are you still there?
Homer Brown
Yes, dear. Your father's coming to the phone now.
Elizabeth Brown
Are you in some kind of trouble? Trouble? Mother, she is. What makes you think I'm in trouble?
Henry Aldrich
Here's your father.
Will Brown
Hello, boy.
Henry Aldrich
Father, am I in trouble?
Will Brown
What happened?
Henry Aldrich
Now, why, it's sort of hard to explain, but could you come right down to the Colonial Theater and testify to your son's character? Your character? Yes, sir. And explain to the manager that I'm usually very well behaved and that I've never molested a lady in my life.
Alice Brown
Be careful of the kitchen walls, Alice. They are specially painted. I thought Will was just doing the living room woodwork. That's the way it started. And thank goodness he's about through. All he has to finish is the back porch.
Elizabeth Brown
My goodness. What happened?
Alice Brown
He overlapped.
Elizabeth Brown
What?
Alice Brown
He overlapped from one room to the other.
Elizabeth Brown
Oh, Alice, don't sit on that stool. Why not?
Henry Aldrich
He overlapped in the. That too.
Elizabeth Brown
In the kitchen. Agnes Brown, I got an act. You a terrible thing. You perfectly terrible thing. Here.
Alice Brown
What happened?
Elizabeth Brown
Well, my cousin Eloise didn't think we had the strength to do it alone, see?
Homer Brown
Do what?
Elizabeth Brown
Hold t. So she invited two boys who happened to me falling off her bike over to house us.
Alice Brown
I'm afraid I do. Now, don't you think it'd be rude
Elizabeth Brown
to tell him to stay home tonight?
Alice Brown
I suppose it would.
Elizabeth Brown
And I can bring them?
Henry Aldrich
Of course.
Homer Brown
Bring them where?
Elizabeth Brown
They're at a homeless surprise party that you're throwing for them. That I'm. That I'm. Susan, you didn't tell me. Maybe I shouldn't tell you this, Mrs. Brown, but Homer knows. But you. He might have caught on when Henry
Alice Brown
tried to keep him away from the house all day.
Will Brown
Oh, my goodness.
Elizabeth Brown
Elizabeth, you sat down on that stool. I'll go tell Eloise. It's okay for those two boys. How many youngsters are coming, Agnes?
Alice Brown
What am I to do?
Henry Aldrich
A surprise party.
Alice Brown
You mean you didn't know? I've never been so surprised in my life.
Homer Brown
Oh, dear.
Alice Brown
I'll never be able to get things ready in time. You're going to have the party anyway. One was expecting it.
Elizabeth Brown
I have to.
Alice Brown
It would break his heart if I didn't. Well, look, Elizabeth, there probably won't be many youngsters. Why not get a few bottles of ginger ale and some cookies and they'll
Will Brown
have a lovely time.
Alice Brown
It's all right. Hand me the phone. Alice, who are you going to call? Size of bakery and double my order of donuts.
Will Brown
All right, Homer. Now, how do you want your hair cut?
Homer Brown
Well, Mr. Latham, you notice when you look at my hair in a certain way, it reminds you of a head of letter.
Will Brown
Well, now that you mention it, could
Homer Brown
you fix it so it looked more like a head of tablets?
Elizabeth Brown
No.
Will Brown
Try hostel.
Homer Brown
Yes, sir.
Will Brown
So you're having a surprise party, huh?
Homer Brown
Yes, Sir.
Will Brown
Don't move.
Homer Brown
Mr. Latham, did I mention I'm inventing a hair restorer?
Narrator
What for?
Homer Brown
To restore hair. When I get it perfected. Would you be interested in trying it out on some of your customers?
Will Brown
When you get it perfected, I'd be interested in trying it out on myself. Oh, sure it does. Barber with a bald head is a very poor recommendation. Who's that tapping on the window?
Homer Brown
Oh, hi, Henry.
Henry Aldrich
Listen, Homer, where have you been?
Homer Brown
What are you mad about?
Elizabeth Brown
What am I mad about? What am I mad about?
Henry Aldrich
Where did you go for that drink of water to Niagara Falls.
Homer Brown
The bakery.
Elizabeth Brown
What?
Will Brown
I mean, Homer, sit still. This is a ticklish job.
Henry Aldrich
It might interest you to know, Homer, that you owe me for a box of chocolates my father had to buy for that lady in the theater. What lady?
Homer Brown
Never mind.
Will Brown
How do you want me to cut the sides, Homer? Closed or full?
Homer Brown
Which will look best on me?
Will Brown
It's hard to tell.
Homer Brown
Well, make one side close and one side slow, and we'll pick out the style that looks best.
Will Brown
Okay?
Homer Brown
Tim, look what I picked up. This bag of party snappers.
Henry Aldrich
Party snappers? Sure.
Homer Brown
You know, you pull these two strings and inside there's a poem.
Elizabeth Brown
So what?
Homer Brown
Home listen it upon the Was in this one. Truth or dare? Truth or dare. Kiss your girl on top of a chair.
Henry Aldrich
Homer, are you crazy?
Will Brown
That's a good one.
Elizabeth Brown
But what'd you buy those for?
Homer Brown
They're just the thing to brighten up the party. Party?
Henry Aldrich
What party?
Homer Brown
Henry, you don't have to pretend.
Henry Aldrich
I know.
Elizabeth Brown
Know what?
Homer Brown
The surprise party my folks are throwing for me tonight.
Elizabeth Brown
What?
Homer Brown
You didn't think I'd be smart enough to figure out why you were keeping you away from home, did you?
Alice Brown
Oh, boy.
Will Brown
Turn your head, Homer.
Henry Aldrich
You're crazy, Homer. There's no party.
Homer Brown
Sure, Henry. That's why half the kids in town are coming.
Henry Aldrich
Homer, you've got to listen to reason.
Elizabeth Brown
Let go of me, Henry.
Will Brown
Boys, what's after those scissors?
Elizabeth Brown
Come on.
Henry Aldrich
We'll phone your parents and prove it. Henry, let go.
Elizabeth Brown
Homer, come on.
Alice Brown
It's a lovely party. Elizabeth. What do you suppose is keeping Henry and Homer?
Homer Brown
They'll be here soon. I hope so.
Alice Brown
Incidentally, Alex, remind me to give you a dozen or so donuts to take home with you.
Elizabeth Brown
How many have Mr. Scraggl sent already?
Alice Brown
I say 15 dozen, and more arrive every half hour. What have you so got into?
Elizabeth Brown
I don't know.
Alice Brown
He doesn't even answer his phone. Well, the children seem to be enjoying the donuts.
Elizabeth Brown
As a matter of fact, I think
Alice Brown
they're playing a little game with them in the kitchen. What sort of game?
Henry Aldrich
One I never heard of.
Alice Brown
I think Willie called it ringers or something like that.
Narrator
There's a bun here to watch after the turpentine.
Alice Brown
Oh, did you get the paint off Agnes?
Narrator
Most of it. Where's Will?
Alice Brown
Out in the backyard. He wanted to finish the garage doors before he soaked his brushes.
Narrator
The garage doors?
Alice Brown
I'll never know how he overlapped that far.
Homer Brown
Do you happen to have any donuts that are more perfect?
Alice Brown
More perfect?
Homer Brown
Yeah, the last couple of dozen Mr.
Henry Aldrich
Streisl sent over have all center holes and it's ruining our game.
Alice Brown
Stop running.
Elizabeth Brown
I think home is coming up the street. Pull out the lights.
Alice Brown
Willing go off.
Elizabeth Brown
Adam. Quiet everybody. And remember a good odd surprise when it comes in. They're opening the door now. Anyone home? Where did you come from? He was.
Henry Aldrich
Mrs. Brown, what's going on?
Alice Brown
Home at the prize party.
Elizabeth Brown
What?
Henry Aldrich
You mean there really was one?
Narrator
Didn't you know?
Henry Aldrich
But he was no boy. Mrs. Brown, you certainly could have saved me a lot of trouble if you'd let me know that that's what you were up to.
Alice Brown
Henry, what happened to your hair?
Homer Brown
My hair?
Henry Aldrich
I just got in the way of Mr. Latham's scissors.
Elizabeth Brown
My goodness.
Henry Aldrich
Boy, if you think I'm bad, you should see Homer. He looks like an eggplant.
Homer Brown
Where is he, dear?
Henry Aldrich
Well, I finally convinced him that there wasn't any surprise party and he went off store.
Elizabeth Brown
I'll get it.
Alice Brown
Have a donut and some ginger ale.
Homer Brown
Henry, you look all worn out.
Elizabeth Brown
Hello?
Homer Brown
Hello, Mother. I just called it. Tell you I may be a little late getting home.
Elizabeth Brown
Homer, where are you?
Homer Brown
At Dreisel's Bakery. I got a job for the evening.
Alice Brown
What kind of a job?
Homer Brown
Making donuts.
Elizabeth Brown
What? Come on home.
Homer Brown
I can. Mother, we have two dozen to go. And I'm just beginning to get the
Henry Aldrich
holes in the center.
Elizabeth Brown
O. Henry, what have you done to your hair? Shit. Now with anatomy on the bias. It's cut on the bias.
Henry Aldrich
Okay, Agnes? Okay, but where you take a look at your own hair.
Elizabeth Brown
What's the matter with it?
Homer Brown
She was. It's turning green.
Elizabeth Brown
What? Mrs. Brown. Quick.
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Air Date: March 10, 2026
Host: Harold's Old Time Radio
Episode Theme: Classic Comedy of Misunderstandings and Small-Town Family Life
This episode of "Harold's Old Time Radio" features a delightfully chaotic installment of the classic series The Aldrich Family, centering on Homer's escalating belief that his family is throwing him a surprise birthday party. Through quick-witted dialogue, misunderstandings, and slapstick predicaments, listeners are transported into the warmth and muddle of golden-age suburbia. The comedy unspools as efforts to keep Homer out of the house—to prevent him from discovering his father's painting project—morph into a full-blown misunderstanding about a supposed surprise party, leading to escalating confusion, last-minute party planning, and disastrous haircuts.
This episode delivers a textbook example of comedic misunderstanding, escalating from a simple home improvement project into a full-blown farce involving mistaken surprise parties and donut deliveries. The rapid banter and escalating complications showcase why The Aldrich Family was a staple of radio's golden age, providing laughs that remain relatable and timeless for audiences of all ages.