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Narrator
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Alice Aldrich (Mother)
Henry. Henry aldridge.
Henry Aldrich (Son)
Coming, mother.
Narrator
The Aldrich Family, Starring Ezra Stone. Written by Clifford Goldsmith. Brought to you by the makers of those delicious new desserts. All America's talking about Jell O Pudding. In the month of February. You know, fall, the birthdays of two great American presidents. We don't know, of course, whether Henry Aldrich will ever become president. But as the scene opens tonight in the Aldrich family living room, Henry has a birthday and other things on his mind.
Henry Aldrich (Son)
Mother, if you could choose anything in the world for your birthday, what would you take?
Alice Aldrich (Mother)
A million dollars.
Henry Aldrich (Son)
Now, Mother, be reasonable. I can't give you as much as that.
Sam Aldrich (Father)
What would you like right at the moment, Henry? Your mother would like a mink coat.
Henry Aldrich (Son)
A mink coat, Father? A mink coat.
Sam Aldrich (Father)
Mm.
Henry Aldrich (Son)
How much would a thing like that cost?
Sam Aldrich (Father)
How much do you have?
Henry Aldrich (Son)
$2.35. Oh, but that's not important, Father.
Sam Aldrich (Father)
No, not at all.
Henry Aldrich (Son)
But it isn't. I've got a scheme all worked out. I'll be able to get anything Mother wants. Really, dear, it isn't anything more than you deserve. Mother, could you loan me. Could you loan me $2?
Sam Aldrich (Father)
To which one of us are you speaking?
Henry Aldrich (Son)
Oh, not to you, Father. I realize I've stretched you to the breaking point as it is.
Sam Aldrich (Father)
I'm glad you're aware of that.
Henry Aldrich (Son)
How about it, Mother?
Alice Aldrich (Mother)
How about what, dear?
Sam Aldrich (Father)
In case you don't know it, Alice, you're about to be stretched to the breaking point.
Alice Aldrich (Mother)
What is it you want the $2 for?
Henry Aldrich (Son)
To put with the money I have. I'm making an investment. I read a pamphlet, see? It's got the easiest way I ever heard of to make money.
Alice Aldrich (Mother)
What is it?
Henry Aldrich (Son)
Rabbits.
Sam Aldrich (Father)
I beg your pardon?
Henry Aldrich (Son)
Raising rabbits. They'll double your money overnight.
Sam Aldrich (Father)
You don't say so, but they will, Father.
Henry Aldrich (Son)
You can't lose.
Sam Aldrich (Father)
Where would we keep rabbits?
Henry Aldrich (Son)
In the basement?
Alice Aldrich (Mother)
Well, we're not keeping rabbits in our basement.
Henry Aldrich (Son)
Read the pamphlet, Mother. One fellow started with just four rabbits, and in two years he had 700.
Sam Aldrich (Father)
And do you think we're going to have 700 rabbits running all over our basement.
Henry Aldrich (Son)
Well, I'd make pens for them.
Sam Aldrich (Father)
And how would I get into the basement?
Alice Aldrich (Mother)
Do you remember, Henry, that stray dog that stayed here last week? I had to ask you to feed her every day she was with us.
Henry Aldrich (Son)
But that was just one mother. I certainly wouldn't Forget to feed 700.
Sam Aldrich (Father)
Incidentally, who's going to pay for the feed for 700?
Henry Aldrich (Son)
Oh, they pay for it themselves.
Sam Aldrich (Father)
Oh, I see. Out of their own pockets. Father.
Henry Aldrich (Son)
Everything I suggest you take lightly.
Sam Aldrich (Father)
Well, if you think I'm taking this lightly, you're quite mistaken. You're not going to spend any money on rabbits.
Henry Aldrich (Son)
But that's not what I want it for.
Alice Aldrich (Mother)
I thought that was what you did want it for.
Henry Aldrich (Son)
No, Mother, it's to buy some galvanized feeding pans.
Sam Aldrich (Father)
What was that?
Henry Aldrich (Son)
Feeding pans for the rabbits.
Alice Aldrich (Mother)
For what? Rabbits?
Henry Aldrich (Son)
For my rabbits. The ones I've got down in the cellar.
Sam Aldrich (Father)
You have 700 down there?
Henry Aldrich (Son)
No, Father, just four. I'm only beginning. They're beauties, too.
Alice Aldrich (Mother)
Where did you get them, dear?
Henry Aldrich (Son)
Happy Taylor gave them to me.
Sam Aldrich (Father)
How did the Taylor boy happen to do that?
Henry Aldrich (Son)
I don't know. His folks just seem to think we'd like them better than they would.
Alice Aldrich (Mother)
Yes, how would you like to be generous, dear, and give them back to Happy Taylor?
Henry Aldrich (Son)
Mother, don't you want a birthday present?
Alice Aldrich (Mother)
Not as much as I want a home.
Henry Aldrich (Son)
Well, if I give those back, I won't have anything at all.
Alice Aldrich (Mother)
How about your dog?
Sam Aldrich (Father)
He left because of the rabbits.
Henry Aldrich (Son)
But, Father, don't you want me to develop responsibility so I'll take care of things and feed them?
Alice Aldrich (Mother)
Henry, we are not opposed to your developing all the responsibility you want to. But you'll have to find someone to take those rabbits.
Henry Aldrich (Son)
Who is there?
Sam Aldrich (Father)
Well, how about Tommy Walsh? He has a much larger house than we have.
Henry Aldrich (Son)
Well, could I give him the rabbits, but let him keep him here
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and
Sam Aldrich (Father)
your mother and I could live with the waltzes, eh?
Henry Aldrich (Son)
Father, you have no idea how I've planned on this.
Alice Aldrich (Mother)
Supposing you go to the phone, dear, and see whether Tommy wouldn't like to have them.
Sam Aldrich (Father)
Now, Henry, if you want a rabbit for a pet, that's one thing. But you're not going to raise rabbits in our basement for the purpose of making money. Now, please call the Walchers.
Henry Aldrich (Son)
I'll phone them, but I hope they aren't in.
Sam Aldrich (Father)
Well, Alice, in one year we would have had rabbits in every room in the house.
Alice Aldrich (Mother)
Sam, don't you think we might at least get Henry a dog?
Sam Aldrich (Father)
Alice, by tomorrow you'll have forgotten the whole thing. Perhaps he never has kept it anything for more than 24 hours.
Alice Aldrich (Mother)
Just the same, he might have kept it this.
Sam Aldrich (Father)
You mean you want him to raise rabbits?
Alice Aldrich (Mother)
Well, as he says, it would develop character.
Sam Aldrich (Father)
Alice, let's have an understanding right now. Which do you want, Henry to have, character or a father?
Alice Aldrich (Mother)
A father, dear. Who do you suppose that can be at the door?
Sam Aldrich (Father)
Probably Mr. Hubbard. I'll let him in. Hello there, Hubbard.
Mr. Hubbard (Plumber)
Evening. What is it you want repaired?
Sam Aldrich (Father)
Oh, the trouble's out in the kitchen. Pipe under the sink.
Henry Aldrich (Son)
Hi there, Mr. Hubbard.
Mr. Hubbard (Plumber)
Evening.
Sam Aldrich (Father)
Henry, will you take Mr. Hubbard out and show him where that leak is?
Henry Aldrich (Son)
Sure thing.
Alice Aldrich (Mother)
Henry, what did Tommy Walsh say about the rabbit?
Henry Aldrich (Son)
His folks weren't in, but he'd be very glad to take them. Mother. This way, Mr. Hubbard.
Mr. Hubbard (Plumber)
Yes, sir. You raise rabbits?
Henry Aldrich (Son)
I was going to. There you are. There's the pipe that's dripping.
Mr. Hubbard (Plumber)
I don't know whether I have a wrench that'll fit that or not.
Henry Aldrich (Son)
Want me to look in your bag for you?
Sam Aldrich (Father)
Yeah.
Mr. Hubbard (Plumber)
No, thank you. It's a good thing you're getting out of this rabbit business.
Henry Aldrich (Son)
Don't you recommend it?
Mr. Hubbard (Plumber)
I'd be a rich man now if it weren't for rabbits.
Henry Aldrich (Son)
What happened?
Mr. Hubbard (Plumber)
By the time it was over, even my wife left me.
Henry Aldrich (Son)
Yeah. Do you want me to hold the screwdriver for you?
Mr. Hubbard (Plumber)
Will you just put it down, please?
Henry Aldrich (Son)
Sure.
Mr. Hubbard (Plumber)
I raised beavers once, too.
Henry Aldrich (Son)
Make a lot of money on them.
Mr. Hubbard (Plumber)
That was the second time my wife left me.
Henry Aldrich (Son)
Well, did she ever come back?
Mr. Hubbard (Plumber)
She did, and she got even with me.
Henry Aldrich (Son)
How?
Mr. Hubbard (Plumber)
She went in for raising turkeys.
Henry Aldrich (Son)
She make a lot of money?
Mr. Hubbard (Plumber)
That was when I left her.
Henry Aldrich (Son)
I see. Well, tell me, did you ever raise silver foxes?
Mr. Hubbard (Plumber)
Just for one winter. Now, there was an experience, yeah. If you want to make money real quick, though, the thing to do is raise pigeons.
Henry Aldrich (Son)
Pigeons?
Mr. Hubbard (Plumber)
Yeah. That's what I'm going to put every cent I've got into.
Henry Aldrich (Son)
Is that right?
Mr. Hubbard (Plumber)
Yes, sir. Once I get it going, I'm giving up plumbing.
Henry Aldrich (Son)
Want me to hold that nut?
Mr. Hubbard (Plumber)
Just leave your hands off it.
Henry Aldrich (Son)
Yes, sir.
Mr. Hubbard (Plumber)
I figured out there's 300% profit in every pigeon you raise.
Henry Aldrich (Son)
As much as that. What do you sell them for? Eating purposes.
Mr. Hubbard (Plumber)
Don't raise that kind. I tried them once. Had to eat them all myself.
Henry Aldrich (Son)
Well, what kind? What kind do you raise?
Mr. Hubbard (Plumber)
Carriers.
Henry Aldrich (Son)
Carriers, Is that right? The kind that get back home no matter where you take them.
Mr. Hubbard (Plumber)
Where's my hammer?
Henry Aldrich (Son)
Oh, let's see. Oh, here it is.
Mr. Hubbard (Plumber)
Leave it There, I'll pick it up. I knew a fellow once that raised carrier pigeons and sold them to the army.
Henry Aldrich (Son)
Is that what you're going to do?
Mr. Hubbard (Plumber)
Yep, and put them in races. That's where you make the real money. Sometimes you win as much as five or ten dollars.
Henry Aldrich (Son)
Gee whiz, I didn't know anything like that was going on. What is it you're looking for, Mr. Hubbard?
Mr. Hubbard (Plumber)
A pair of pliers. Just let me look for them myself.
Henry Aldrich (Son)
Do you mind if I point to them?
Sam Aldrich (Father)
Where are they?
Mr. Hubbard (Plumber)
Oh, yeah.
Henry Aldrich (Son)
Gee, there's a business I'd like to go in.
Mr. Hubbard (Plumber)
What's stopping you?
Henry Aldrich (Son)
Well, do pigeons take up very much room in a cellar?
Mr. Hubbard (Plumber)
What are you gonna keep em in the cellar for? Why don't you keep them in your attic?
Henry Aldrich (Son)
Gee, how do they get along in an attic?
Mr. Hubbard (Plumber)
All you gotta do is fix up some hoops and be sure the windows are left open.
Henry Aldrich (Son)
I wonder why I didn't think of that myself. Want your 2 Earl bag, Mr. Hubbard?
Mr. Hubbard (Plumber)
Put it right back where it was.
Sam Aldrich (Father)
Yes.
Henry Aldrich (Son)
How much would it cost to go into the pigeon business, Mr. Hubbard?
Mr. Hubbard (Plumber)
Get your head out of the way.
Henry Aldrich (Son)
Is that better?
Mr. Hubbard (Plumber)
Yeah, just. Just keep it out.
Henry Aldrich (Son)
I guess you don't need any expensive equipment like you do for rabbits.
Mr. Hubbard (Plumber)
All you need is some secondhand coops.
Henry Aldrich (Son)
Where could I get those?
Mr. Hubbard (Plumber)
Any reason you couldn't advertise in the morning paper?
Henry Aldrich (Son)
You mean advertise? I just say I want some second hand pigeon coops and that's all.
Mr. Hubbard (Plumber)
What else would you suggest?
Henry Aldrich (Son)
Sure, and I'd save money. Unless, of course, nobody answered. But then, the way I look at it, you've got to take a gamble at anything if you want to make money. Isn't that the way you look at it, Mr. Hubbard?
Mr. Hubbard (Plumber)
Well, I.
Alice Aldrich (Mother)
Hey, what are you doing out here?
Henry Aldrich (Son)
Well, I'm helping Mr. Hubbard find his tools. Mother, could you please stand back so you don't cast a shadow on him?
Alice Aldrich (Mother)
Oh, my goodness. The way you've been talking out here, I thought you'd have all the problems of the world settled.
Henry Aldrich (Son)
Have you heard us?
Alice Aldrich (Mother)
I haven't heard what it was about.
Ms. Thompson (Secretary)
Hmm.
Henry Aldrich (Son)
What time does the Centerville Gazette close?
Alice Aldrich (Mother)
I have no idea.
Mr. Hubbard (Plumber)
They're open till pretty late.
Henry Aldrich (Son)
They are?
Alice Aldrich (Mother)
Why do you ask, dear?
Henry Aldrich (Son)
Oh, no reason. I was just wondering how long they stay open. Is father around? In the living room any place.
Alice Aldrich (Mother)
Your father went out.
Henry Aldrich (Son)
Is that right? He went out.
Alice Aldrich (Mother)
Mr. Hubbard, will I be in your way here?
Mr. Hubbard (Plumber)
No, ma'.
Alice Aldrich (Mother)
Am.
Henry Aldrich (Son)
Well, goodbye.
Alice Aldrich (Mother)
Where are you going, Henry?
Henry Aldrich (Son)
Just in the living room. Look Around. Operator access to affordable credit helps me pay my employees. But I don't really need it. Inflation is killing me. But who cares? Big retailers are making record profits. That's why we support the Durbin Marshall credit card bill. See, banks and credit unions help small businesses make payroll. This bill would cut the vital resources they need while increasing megastore profits. They deserve it, don't they?
Sam Aldrich (Father)
Tell Congress, stop the Durbin Marshall money
Henry Aldrich (Son)
grab for corporate megastores paid for by the Electronic Payments Coalition. Operator, could you get me the Centerville Gazette, please? Yes, ma'.
Alice Aldrich (Mother)
Am. Henry, are you in the living room?
Henry Aldrich (Son)
I think I am, Mother.
Alice Aldrich (Mother)
Mr. Hubbard wants to know whether you picked up his screwdriver.
Henry Aldrich (Son)
Tell him he'll find it in his left hip pocket.
Alice Aldrich (Mother)
Thank you.
Henry Aldrich (Son)
Hello? Well, how do I put in an advertisement? Coops. Just ordinary pigeon coops. Yeah. Yeah, that sounds good. Sign it Henry W. Aldridge. Yeah. About how much will that be? As much as that? Well, would it be cheaper if I left the W out? Well, supposing I leave the Henry out? Okay. Just say reasonable prices paid for old pigeon coops. Sign at Aldridge. Yes, sir. Yes, sir. Goodbye.
Alice Aldrich (Mother)
Henry, will you see who's at the door, please?
Henry Aldrich (Son)
Yes, Mother. I'd be very glad to help you, Mother. Gee whiz, Tommy, you over here already? I came over to get my rabbits. Yeah, come on in. Did. Did you ask your folks whether it'd be all right? I don't know why it wouldn't be all right. Why should I worry them about a little thing like that? Yeah. Well, come on down the cellar stairs. Why don't you want them, Henry? My folks would rather I raise pigeons. Pigeons? Sure. I've become a pigeon fancier. Yeah, sure. I may even raise pigeons for the Army. Big money in it. Tommy.
Ms. Thompson (Secretary)
Yeah?
Henry Aldrich (Son)
For the Department of Interior Communications.
Ms. Thompson (Secretary)
Yeah.
Henry Aldrich (Son)
Your rabbits are around here on the other side of the preserve closet. Oh, show them to me. Now, listen, before I let you see them. When do I get that? Who's it you promised me on the telephone. Oh, tomorrow, Henry. I couldn't bring it over tonight. Okay. Oh, here they are in this box. Look at them. That's what I say. Can you beat that? Well, what's the matter? They're right here. Can you imagine that, huh? But all I want is four. You gotta take eight. I haven't got room for eight. I'm gonna have trouble keeping just four in my closet. Well, you should have gotten here sooner, Tommy. Well, there certainly isn't my fault.
Alice Aldrich (Mother)
Henry. Is that Tommy down there?
Henry Aldrich (Son)
Yes, Mother. That's Tommy.
Alice Aldrich (Mother)
Is he taking all four or the rabbit?
Henry Aldrich (Son)
Yes, Mother.
Alice Aldrich (Mother)
I'm certainly glad to hear that, dear.
Henry Aldrich (Son)
Tommy. Tommy, when we go up, don't say anything about the four I'm keeping. Why not? Maybe I can surprise my mother after all. Boy, am I going to make money. Rabbits in our basement and pigeons in our attic.
Narrator
Our scene shifts for the next moment, ladies and gentlemen, to a department store where we clear up the mystery of the lady.
Alice Aldrich (Mother)
Good evening.
Narrator
And the gong behind the counter on the fifth floor. Lamps, china, curtains, drapes, rugs, house furnishings and so forth. There stands a clerk. Approaching him is the lady who says,
Alice Aldrich (Mother)
last week I bought a piece of merchandise in this department. I have it here with me. It's a dinner gown.
Sam Aldrich (Father)
Yes, madam.
Alice Aldrich (Mother)
You see, I used to have a lot of trouble every night getting my husband and the children to the dinner table. They'd keep right on reading the paper, listening to the radio or whatever else they were doing when I called them. So I bought this gong.
Sam Aldrich (Father)
An excellent idea, madam, but.
Alice Aldrich (Mother)
But now I want to return it, if I may.
Sam Aldrich (Father)
Well, is anything wrong with it, madam? Let's have a look at it. Sounds all right to me.
Alice Aldrich (Mother)
Oh, the gong's all right. But recently I've been serving Jell O chocolate pudding for dinner. Now, when I start to ring the gong, my husband and the children are sitting at the table before I get a chance to hit it.
Narrator
And the very delicious moral to that story is, ladies and gentlemen, folks certainly do get to the table and get there in a hurry when they know there's Jell O chocolate pudding for dessert. Because, friends, it's a grand treat that everybody loves young and old alike. Nothing can compare with its rich, creamy smoothness and its thrilling chocolate flavor. And you'll be simply delighted to find how quickly and easily you can prepare Jell o chocolate pudding, how inexpensive it is and how many different and delicious desserts you can make with it. So try it tomorrow. Why don't you start right away to treat the folks at your house to this new family favorite. Swell, luscious, easy to eat Jell O chocolate pudding. Now getting back to the problems of Henry Aldrich. Without telling his parents, Henry has inserted an advertisement in the town paper and signed it with the name Aldrich. The scene opens the following day in his father's office.
Sam Aldrich (Father)
Ms. Thompson, I don't have a great deal of time. Will you take a letter in a hurry, please?
Ms. Thompson (Secretary)
Yes, Mr. Aldrich.
Sam Aldrich (Father)
To the Brown Realty Company. Dear Mr. Brown, this is to advise you, but unless steps are taken at
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once,
Ms. Thompson (Secretary)
Mr. Aldrich's office. Yes, yes. No, sir. You must have the wrong number, I'm afraid.
Sam Aldrich (Father)
Wrong number?
Ms. Thompson (Secretary)
Yes, sir. Now then, you just started a letter to the Brown realty company. Dear Mr. Brown, this is to advise you that unless steps are taken at once.
Sam Aldrich (Father)
Yes? This is to advise you that unless steps are taken at once.
Ms. Thompson (Secretary)
Mr. Aldrich's office. What was that? I don't understand you. Say that slowly, please. One moment, Mr. Ulrich. Somebody wants to talk to you about something.
Sam Aldrich (Father)
Let me have it. Samuel Orich speaking. What number are you calling? Pigeon coops. Did you say pigeon coops? My name is Ulrich. I'm the only Aldrich in town. But I don't buy pigeon coops. Who is this talking? Charlie. Oh, you can't fool me, Charlie. Now listen, Charlie, I'm busy as the deuce right now. I'll give you a call later. Don't bother me. Goodbye. Charlie Gosling would try to be funny just when I'm trying to get my work done. Tried to make me think his name was Tony Vegeto.
Ms. Thompson (Secretary)
To be quite honest, Mr. Ulrich, I never did like Mr. Gosling.
Sam Aldrich (Father)
Well, we get a lot of business from him. Now then, where were we?
Ms. Thompson (Secretary)
This is to advise you that unless steps are taken at once.
Sam Aldrich (Father)
Is that all the farther we got? It is unless steps are taken at once. What was it I was going to say?
Ms. Thompson (Secretary)
I have no idea.
Sam Aldrich (Father)
Oh, I remember. Toward improving the property occupied by my. Let me answer that. Sam Allridge speaking.
Alice Aldrich (Mother)
Who?
Sam Aldrich (Father)
Yes, Charlie. Still selling pigeon coops? We'll take all 15. Yes, deliver them right to our house. I don't care where you put them. Put them in the living room. Yes, and don't bother me anymore just because Charlie Gosling happens to be a client. How far are we?
Ms. Thompson (Secretary)
Right where we were.
Sam Aldrich (Father)
Yes. You know, it would be just like Charlie to go and find 15 pigeon coops and deliver them to our house. I remember one other practical joke he tried to play off. Ms. Thompson, please answer that. If it's Charlie again, tell him I've gone for the day.
Ms. Thompson (Secretary)
Hello? Yes, sir. One moment, please. Mr. Aldrich, it's the Centerville Feed Company. They want to know whether they may supply you with cracked corn.
Sam Aldrich (Father)
For what?
Ms. Thompson (Secretary)
One moment. Hello? Mr. Aldrich wants to know what he would use cracked corn for. No, Mr. Aldrich has not changed his business. He's still practicing law. Goodbye.
Sam Aldrich (Father)
Cracked corn. Cracked. Did that sound like Charlie Gosling?
Ms. Thompson (Secretary)
Suspicion is that was Mr. Guzzler.
Sam Aldrich (Father)
Oh, no, no. He probably phoned the Centerville Feed Company and told them to call here. Now, unless steps are taken at once to. Who's at the door?
Henry Aldrich (Son)
You, Mr. Aldridge? I am. About how many pigeon coops did you want?
Sam Aldrich (Father)
I beg your pardon?
Henry Aldrich (Son)
How many did you want?
Sam Aldrich (Father)
Did you say pigeon coops?
Henry Aldrich (Son)
Pigeon coop? A paw can let you have all you need up to 60.
Sam Aldrich (Father)
May I ask who sent you here?
Henry Aldrich (Son)
I don't know. My paw just told me to come up here.
Sam Aldrich (Father)
Where is your paw?
Henry Aldrich (Son)
Down in front. Had a park double. He got all 60 down there.
Sam Aldrich (Father)
You have 60 pigeon coops down in front for me?
Alice Aldrich (Mother)
Sure.
Sam Aldrich (Father)
You want them brought up here to the office?
Henry Aldrich (Son)
No. Can also fix you up with 60. Feeding train?
Alice Aldrich (Mother)
No.
Ms. Thompson (Secretary)
I'll answer the phone.
Sam Aldrich (Father)
Now then, young man, may I ask how your father happened to come here?
Henry Aldrich (Son)
I don't know.
Sam Aldrich (Father)
Do you know a gentleman by the name of Charles Goslin?
Henry Aldrich (Son)
Never heard of them.
Sam Aldrich (Father)
Well, here's what you're to do. You're to deliver your confounded coops to Mr. Goslin's residence at 12 Church Street.
Henry Aldrich (Son)
All 60?
Sam Aldrich (Father)
All 60 and all 60 feeding trays.
Henry Aldrich (Son)
Who pays for them?
Sam Aldrich (Father)
Send the bill to Mr. Goslin.
Henry Aldrich (Son)
Sure. Take them over right away.
Sam Aldrich (Father)
That's fine.
Ms. Thompson (Secretary)
Mr. Aldrich, Mrs. Aldrich is on the phone.
Sam Aldrich (Father)
What does she want?
Ms. Thompson (Secretary)
There's a gentleman by the name of a Cheeto at your house and loading pigeon cooper insists upon leaving them in the living room.
Sam Aldrich (Father)
Now, I know it was Charlie.
Ms. Thompson (Secretary)
Mrs. Aldrich says he had nothing to do with it.
Sam Aldrich (Father)
Well, then the fellow must be insane.
Ms. Thompson (Secretary)
That's why she says you're to come over.
Sam Aldrich (Father)
Yes, yes. Where's my hat and coat? Right in the middle of the busiest day I ever had. If anyone else calls, Ms. Thompson, I've left.
Alice Aldrich (Mother)
Hello, Father.
Henry Aldrich (Son)
Hello. Can I speak to you just a minute?
Sam Aldrich (Father)
You may not. Goodbye.
Henry Aldrich (Son)
Well, what do you know about that? Ms. Thompson? Is he in a hurry over something?
Ms. Thompson (Secretary)
He is. And if I were you, I wouldn't follow him.
Henry Aldrich (Son)
Ms. Thompson could.
Ms. Thompson (Secretary)
I've got apples.
Mr. Hubbard (Plumber)
Where's Sam Aldridge?
Henry Aldrich (Son)
He just went out.
Mr. Hubbard (Plumber)
I've got exactly what he wants outside on my truck.
Henry Aldrich (Son)
What is it?
Mr. Hubbard (Plumber)
Age of the darlingest pigeon coops you
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ever put your two eyes on.
Henry Aldrich (Son)
Well, gee whiz, could you haul them over to my house?
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And why not?
Henry Aldrich (Son)
Well, I don't think anyone's home.
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Oh.
Mr. Hubbard (Plumber)
Now, you take the coops and I'll give you a dozen fine birds to go with them.
Henry Aldrich (Son)
You will?
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I will that.
Henry Aldrich (Son)
Gee whiz, I'll be getting an even better start than I thought I would.
Alice Aldrich (Mother)
Let's go.
Sam Aldrich (Father)
For the last time, please put the rest of your coops on your wagon and get away from the front of my house.
Henry Aldrich (Son)
You no advertise.
Sam Aldrich (Father)
I did not advertise.
Henry Aldrich (Son)
The lady, she no advertise.
Alice Aldrich (Mother)
I did not advertise. No one in this house advertised. We couldn't have.
Sam Aldrich (Father)
That's a funny thing.
Mr. Hubbard (Plumber)
And my wife, she's a reader to me out loud.
Sam Aldrich (Father)
What you probably did was to misunderstand the name. What's your name? Aldrich.
Mr. Hubbard (Plumber)
Aldrich. That's all right. I'm a telephone to him. He's at, say, Shoes, So bring him
Sam Aldrich (Father)
me 50 in the coops. All right, I'll admit that I'm the one who answered the phone. But I thought you were somebody else. I'll meet the.
Henry Aldrich (Son)
Here's a price.
Sam Aldrich (Father)
No, I thought you were a friend by the name of Charlie. I'll sell the ch. What's a Charlie got to do with it? Now, listen, my friend, for the last time, put that final crate on your wagon and get away from here. All right, all right. I'm going to go home and read at the end. You sure you know one of these coupes of chips? Get out.
Henry Aldrich (Son)
All right, all right.
Sam Aldrich (Father)
Giddy apple, please.
Alice Aldrich (Mother)
Goodbye.
Sam Aldrich (Father)
Maybe I see you tomorrow. No.
Alice Aldrich (Mother)
Well, thank goodness he's gone.
Sam Aldrich (Father)
You know, Alice, I honestly believe the fellow's crazy. Did you hear him? He practically insisted that we advertised.
Henry Aldrich (Son)
Father, take a look.
Alice Aldrich (Mother)
What is it, Henry?
Henry Aldrich (Son)
What I've got right here in this truck. Pigeon coops.
Sam Aldrich (Father)
Where did you get those?
Henry Aldrich (Son)
They're for my pigeons.
Mr. Hubbard (Plumber)
How are you, Sam Aldridge?
Narrator
Could you give me a hand, Henry boy?
Henry Aldrich (Son)
Sure.
Sam Aldrich (Father)
One minute. Henry, are you unloading those here?
Henry Aldrich (Son)
Sure.
Narrator
Down with them, me son.
Sam Aldrich (Father)
Hey, wait, before you unload that.
Henry Aldrich (Son)
Oh, it's not too heavy, Father.
Mr. Hubbard (Plumber)
There you are.
Alice Aldrich (Mother)
What's that I hear now?
Mr. Hubbard (Plumber)
For three years I've been wanting to show you me gratitude.
Sam Aldrich (Father)
Sam Mulligan, I'm sorry, but we have no place here for those pigeons.
Henry Aldrich (Son)
But, Father, they aren't costing us a cent. We're getting them absolutely free.
Alice Aldrich (Mother)
What do you mean?
Henry Aldrich (Son)
Mr. Mulligan has very kindly consented to credit the coops toward a bill he owes.
Sam Aldrich (Father)
Father, what was that?
Henry Aldrich (Son)
Don't you think that's fair, Father?
Sam Aldrich (Father)
Henry, will you and Mr. Mulligan please put that crate back on the truck?
Mr. Hubbard (Plumber)
You mean you don't want them?
Sam Aldrich (Father)
I do not.
Mr. Hubbard (Plumber)
Oh, but it's three years I've been owing that bill. Sam, don't you think it's about time it was paid?
Sam Aldrich (Father)
Sam, if you'll take those crates away, I'll call The whole thing paid.
Mr. Hubbard (Plumber)
Oh, now, now, that's very decent of you, Sam.
Narrator
Give me a hand, me boy.
Henry Aldrich (Son)
But, Father, I need them.
Sam Aldrich (Father)
Henry, do you want me to put that on for you?
Henry Aldrich (Son)
I'll help him.
Mr. Hubbard (Plumber)
You're a gentleman, Sam Aldridge.
Narrator
And the next time I come into
Mr. Hubbard (Plumber)
town, I'll bring your son a present.
Sam Aldrich (Father)
But not pigeons or pigeon cooks.
Mr. Hubbard (Plumber)
Oh, no, no, sir, not pigeons. I'll bring him a fine white nanny goat I have.
Henry Aldrich (Son)
You will.
Alice Aldrich (Mother)
You will not.
Narrator
Good.
Sam Aldrich (Father)
Good day to y'.
Narrator
All.
Henry Aldrich (Son)
She was. Now I've even lost what I paid
Sam Aldrich (Father)
for the ad for the ad for what?
Henry Aldrich (Son)
Ad for coops. Didn't I tell you?
Sam Aldrich (Father)
Let's go into the house, Henry. I want to have a talk with you.
Henry Aldrich (Son)
I know what you're going to say.
Alice Aldrich (Mother)
I wouldn't cry right out here on the sidewalk, Henry.
Henry Aldrich (Son)
I'm not crying. Who's crying?
Alice Aldrich (Mother)
You're disappointed, dear. But the next time you do anything like this, you must tell us.
Sam Aldrich (Father)
Of course, we may not have room for pigeons any more than we had for rabbits, but we'll find something you can have.
Henry Aldrich (Son)
The only thing is, I need pigeon coops. I need them bad.
Sam Aldrich (Father)
Oh, today you need them, but by tomorrow you'll have forgotten all about them.
Alice Aldrich (Mother)
Sam. What? What's that?
Sam Aldrich (Father)
What was what?
Alice Aldrich (Mother)
Something just flew out of our attic window.
Sam Aldrich (Father)
Out of which window?
Henry Aldrich (Son)
That was one of my pigeons. One of what pigeons that Mr. Hubbard gave me.
Sam Aldrich (Father)
That he gave you? How many did he give you?
Henry Aldrich (Son)
Just six. Two of them are up there setting in our attic. It would be all right if they had a coop. Father.
Alice Aldrich (Mother)
Henry Aldrich.
Henry Aldrich (Son)
Henry, could I see you a minute? What about. Tommy? What have you got in the box there? You're rabbits. My mother and father won't let me keep them.
Sam Aldrich (Father)
What are you doing? Returning all four of them.
Henry Aldrich (Son)
All four of them? There are 10 of them. Can you imagine?
Alice Aldrich (Mother)
Henry, we can't possibly take those.
Henry Aldrich (Son)
But, Mother, the ones I have don't bother you any, do they?
Sam Aldrich (Father)
The ones you have?
Henry Aldrich (Son)
Yeah, the ones in the preserve closet.
Alice Aldrich (Mother)
Henry, look.
Henry Aldrich (Son)
Look who's coming. It's Towser.
Alice Aldrich (Mother)
Oh, my old dog.
Henry Aldrich (Son)
Towser will Gee whiz.
Sam Aldrich (Father)
And where are you going to keep him, Henry?
Henry Aldrich (Son)
Oh, he can sleep at the foot of my bed. Listen, Henry, I want my. Who's it back that I gave you for the rabbits. Oh, no. That was a bargain. Tommy, you've got to give it back.
Sam Aldrich (Father)
Give what back?
Henry Aldrich (Son)
My snake.
Alice Aldrich (Mother)
What's that?
Henry Aldrich (Son)
No, he gave me that snake.
Alice Aldrich (Mother)
Henry, why should you want an old dead snake?
Henry Aldrich (Son)
But, Mother, it isn't dead. It's alive.
Sam Aldrich (Father)
Where is it?
Henry Aldrich (Son)
Where is it?
Narrator
Yes.
Henry Aldrich (Son)
It's in my top bureau drawer.
Alice Aldrich (Mother)
Henry Aldrich.
Narrator
Henry Aldrich will be back again in just a moment,
Alice Aldrich (Mother)
Sam.
Narrator
Now, folks, tomorrow night, why not treat yourself to one of those popular new Jello puddings you've been hearing so much about? Let's say a grand, tempting dish of Jell? O vanilla pudding. Dressed up, perhaps, with a handful of rich nuts or raisins. Now, there is a truly fine dessert. One that has no rival when it comes to smooth, creamy goodness. Every time you enjoy it, which is sure to be often, you'll find yourself more excited than ever about the delectable flavor of Jell? O vanilla pudding. Because there's nothing to equal its delightful taste. So delicate and yet marvelously mellow. It's a quick, easy, inexpensive dessert. A captivating climax to any meal. So make tomorrow night's dinner end on a truly festive note. By serving the family this luscious treat, you'll add a new name on your list of favorite desserts. The very first time you enjoy the rare, distinctive goodness of Jell? O vanilla pudding.
Alice Aldrich (Mother)
Ram.
Henry Aldrich (Son)
You know, Tommy, I just had a big idea. What about Henry? We can make some money on these pigeons. We can clean up. How? All we have to do is put another rat in the paper. The only trouble is, though, we'll have to put it in. In your father's name.
Narrator
Well, now, ladies and gentlemen, in the event you would like to see Henry's latest advertisement, you will find it only in next week's issue of Centerville's leading paper. The Aldrich Family, starring Ezra Stone, is written by Clifford Goldsmith. Original music for the program is composed and conducted by Jack Miller. By the way, Ezra Stone will appear as Henry Aldrich at the State Theater in Hartford, Connecticut, for four days beginning February 22nd. Now, this is Harry von Zell speaking and wishing you good night for those delicious new desserts all America's talking about. Jell? O pudding.
Mr. Hubbard (Plumber)
This is the National Broadcasting Company.
Podcast: Harold's Old Time Radio
Episode Air Date: March 10, 2026
Original Broadcast: Golden Age Radio, Comedy/Family
Runtime: ~30 minutes
Host: None (classic radio show with actors, presented by Harold’s Old Time Radio)
This delightful episode of The Aldrich Family centers on Henry Aldrich’s latest entrepreneurial scheme: making money by raising animals, first rabbits—then switching his ambitions to raising pigeons. As always, the family dynamic, the generational misunderstandings, and Henry’s innocent get-rich-quick plans result in comedic chaos in the Aldrich household. The episode shines a nostalgic light on youthful schemes and the unintended consequences of enthusiastic but ill-conceived ideas.
[02:35, Henry: “Everything I suggest you take lightly.”]
[02:39, Sam (Father): “In case you don't know it, Alice, you're about to be stretched to the breaking point.”]
[03:41, Alice: “Not as much as I want a home.”]
[06:57, Mr. Hubbard: “By the time it was over, even my wife left me.”]
[07:27, Mr. Hubbard: “That was when I left her.”]
[08:02, Mr. Hubbard: “I figured out there's 300% profit in every pigeon you raise.”]
[20:39, Sam: “You have 60 pigeon coops down in front for me?”]
[25:14, Sam: “But not pigeons or pigeon coops.”
[25:23, Alice:** “You will not.”]
[27:21, Alice: “Henry, why should you want an old dead snake?”
[27:23, Henry:** “But, Mother, it isn't dead. It's alive.”]
This is a quintessential Aldrich Family outing: gentle humor, fast-paced banter, escalating farce, and a timeless snapshot of childhood dreams and family life in mid-century America. If you're nostalgic for old-time radio comedy or seek an infectious laugh centered on family and youthful schemes, this episode is a must-listen.