Aldrich Family - Sidewalk Graffiti Causes Trouble for Henry

Summary

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Podcast Summary:

Podcast: Harold's Old Time Radio
Episode: Aldrich Family - Sidewalk Graffiti Causes Trouble for Henry
Date: March 10, 2026
Host: Harold's Old Time Radio
Theme: A classic radio comedy episode centering on confusion and unintended consequences when Henry Aldrich finds himself in the middle of a graffiti incident, a letter to the editor, and a scramble to set things right.

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Episode Overview

This episode of The Aldrich Family revisits a classic comedic plot about teenage misadventures and small-town life. Henry Aldrich unwittingly gets caught up in a case of sidewalk graffiti, which rapidly spirals into a town-wide commotion involving letters to the editor, the prideful involvement of his father, community embarrassment, and, ultimately, a newsworthy mix-up. The episode brims with misunderstandings, character-driven humor, and the warm, rapid-fire dialogue that defines the Golden Age of Radio.

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Key Discussion Points & Story Beats

1. The Graffiti Incident

• The episode opens with family banter in the Aldrich kitchen concerning Henry's determined attempts to scrub red paint from the sidewalk – an act that’s drawn scrutiny and embarrassment for the family.

• Henry’s mother Alice and sister Mary express sympathy for his troubles, while also questioning the effectiveness of his scrubbing.

  "Mother, I think I'm finally getting somewhere with this sidewalk."
  — Henry (01:58)

2. Sam Aldrich’s Letter to the Editor

• The family discovers that Sam Aldrich (Henry’s father) has written a letter to the editor of the Centerville Times about the defacement, using formal and passionate language to decry property vandalism.

  "The desecration of property, both public and private, is a matter which should arouse every citizen in Centerville. I for one feel it is high time our town council took steps to eradicate the rising tide of vandalism."
  — Sam Aldrich (03:00)

• The family debates the letter’s impact, with Alice suggesting it's so notable he should send copies to relatives.

  "How many did you order?"
  "Enough. And just for the record, I'd like it to be known that the only reason I bothered to write that letter was to help Henry."
  — Alice and Sam Aldrich (04:11–04:18)

3. Trying to Clear Henry’s Name

• Henry and his friend Homer try to figure out who’s responsible for more graffiti that keeps appearing, leading to comic complaints and misadventures.

• They attempt to paint over the offending fence, suspicious they're being watched by men with a camera (actually press photographers).

  "If you ask me, some guys have a pretty crude sense of humor. Painting the town red with my name."
  — Henry (06:10)

4. Escalating Chaos

• Mary, trying to help, discovers the intended recipient (Gladys) hasn’t seen the key newspaper because her family stopped subscribing for unrelated reasons.

• Homer regales Henry with an absurd tale of his own father’s legal battle over a peanut vending machine, adding to the farcical tone.

  "My father put his hand up the machine, it got stuck...and he missed his train and lost a big contract because of it. So he...Sued."
  — Homer (06:31)

5. The Unintended Photo

• The newspaper editor receives a picture of Henry and Homer “caught in the act” of painting over the graffiti, believing they’re actual vandals.

• Plans emerge to run both the photo and Sam’s editorial on the front page, amplifying the misunderstanding.

  "He sent a couple of reporters out this morning and they just came back with a picture of two of those vandals caught right in the act of smearing up a fence...he’s going to run it in tonight’s paper along with a special editorial."
  — Sam (11:04)

• Alice argues for sympathy for the “vandals,” worried about how their parents might feel, highlighting the episode’s mix of authority and empathy.

  "But just think of how the parents of those boys are going to feel when they see that picture."
  — Alice (11:53)

6. Delivery Mayhem & Final Reveal

• Henry and Homer desperately try to get a copy of the paper to Gladys to clear Henry’s name, running into obstacles at every turn (papers are sold out all over town).

• The boys end up in the noisy composing room of the newspaper, get to see the negative image of the front page, and realize they’re the “vandals” in the infamous photo.

  "Seems to be a picture of a couple of kids, doesn't it?...That can’t be us...Oh boy."
  — Henry & Homer (22:25–22:38)

• Accident-prone, the duo spills type all over the composing room, adding to their woes.

• Returning home, Henry braces for the fallout, and Homer brings a copy of the resulting paper.

  "We’re not on the front page."
  — Homer (25:39)

• The community’s focus shifts to a humorous story about a taxi driver with 13 daughters, pushing Henry’s story off the front page and letting everyone off the hook.

  "For heaven’s sake, Ben, what’s that you’re pointing at? It's a taxi driver and his 13 daughters."
  — Sam (25:48)

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Notable Quotes & Comedic Moments

• On the Power of Letters:
  "Do you want to get that, Sam?"
  — Alice (10:38)

• On Parental Sympathy:
  "Naturally you feel that way. You’re a lawyer."
  — Alice (12:00)

• On Escalating Trouble:
  "I'm going to run [your picture] right next to the picture of those two hoodlums with you pointing straight at them, see? And the caption… 'We must stop this scandal!'"
  — Newspaper editor (18:40)

• On the Misfiring Plan:
  "But, Mrs. Prentice, that paper was intended for other eyes."
  — Homer, after Mary uses the sought-after newspaper to wrap potato peelings (15:45)

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Memorable Segments with Timestamps

• [01:20–02:33]: Introduction of the "sidewalk crisis" and Henry’s earnest, futile attempts to clean the graffiti.
• [03:00–03:30]: Reading of Sam Aldrich’s earnest, formal letter to the editor.
• [06:09–08:00]: Henry and Homer try to cover up the graffiti, inadvertently end up in the crosshairs of the press photographers.
• [10:17–11:20]: Discussion of Sam’s sudden enthusiasm for letters to the editor and the complications that follow.
• [14:18–16:00]: Henry and Homer’s comic mission to deliver the paper, with pebble-throwing and accidental window damage.
• [22:05–22:50]: Discovery in the newspaper composing room that they are the “vandals” being exposed—comic horror ensues.

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Conclusion

The Aldrich Family delivers its trademark blend of slapstick, clever banter, and gentle satire in this episode. Through misunderstandings about a simple act of sidewalk graffiti, the narrative pokes fun at small-town media, parental pride, and adolescent panic, all wrapped up with an affectionate wink toward its characters' foibles. The story resolves with a final twist: the much-anticipated scandal is upstaged by another local oddity, and Henry gets off the hook—at least for today.

Listeners are left with a smile, reflecting both on the timelessness of teenage troubles and the light touch of family radio comedies.

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Transcript

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[Narrator]

Memories are mighty tenuous during advance, and the farther back you reach, the more faded you remember it. Well, if you want to revive the memory of your youth, there's no better way than knowing a lively teenage boy like Henry Aldrich. It's morning, and the scene opens in the Aldrich kitchen.

[Mary]

Mother, is breakfast almost ready?

[Alice Aldrich]

Yes, Mary.

[Mary]

Well, then I better call honey.

[Alice Aldrich]

No, Mary, you had a very hard day yesterday.

[Mary]

Let him sleep, Mother. He got up hours ago. He did? Where did he go? Just one on the front walk.

[Homer]

Oh, dear.

[Alice Aldrich]

Mary, is he scrubbing it again?

[Mary]

Yes, but he scrubbed it all day

[Alice Aldrich]

yesterday and he didn't get any of it all.

[Mary]

I know, but I think this morning he's using testing time.

[Alice Aldrich]

Oh, poor boy. I'll go call him.

[Mary]

Do you want me to sort the coffee, Mother? Please.

[Alice Aldrich]

Mary Alice, where's the morning paper?

[Mary]

Right beside your plate, Sam. Mary, bring your father his shoes. Henry, breakfast is ready in just a minute. Mother, I think I'm finally getting somewhere

[Alice Aldrich]

with this size off.

[Mary]

The red paint's coming off.

[Alice Aldrich]

No, but it's starting to turn pink now, isn't it?

[Mary]

Or is it just that the sun's

[Alice Aldrich]

finally come up, dear? May I say something? Any young lady who'd fly off the handle the way Gladys did yesterday just because of a little something that somebody wrote on a sidewalk. Well, I wouldn't exactly call this a little something. After all, it puts me in a very compromising position with Nancy Adams Hals side by side, and I just figure if I can erase out. Well, if you're going to spend another day scrubbing out here, you're going to need your energy, so let's go in.

[Mary]

Come quickly. Mary, what's happened? It's in the paper. What is? Our sidewalk. Our sidewalk?

[Alice Aldrich]

Wow.

[Mary]

Mary, what are you talking about? Father wrote a letter about it to the editor and they printed it this morning. Well, my goodness. Sam, let's see it.

[Alice Aldrich]

Mary, he didn't go and mention Nancy's and my name, did he?

[Mary]

I don't know. I just scratched it.

[Narrator]

Oh, boy.

[Alice Aldrich]

Come on, Mary, what did you this person or persons road on our side. Father, you didn't go and quote the exact verbatim words, did you?

[Narrator]

Of course not.

[Alice Aldrich]

Listen, what this person or persons wrote on our sidewalk is not the concern of this letter. Gee, thanks, Father. But the desecration of property, both public and private, is a matter which should arouse every citizen in Centerville. I for one feel it is high time our town council took steps to eradicate the rising tide of vandalism. Samuel W. Aldrich.

[Mary]

Samuel W. Aldrich. Sam, while you were at it, you

[Alice Aldrich]

could just as well have added attorney at law.

[Homer]

Alice.

[Alice Aldrich]

Henry, right after breakfast I want you to go down and get a half dozen copies of the paper.

[Narrator]

For heaven's sake, I'm going to need

[Alice Aldrich]

at least that many to send away.

[Narrator]

I just think you're making a big fuss over nothing. After all, a letter to the editor isn't such a. You really like him.

[Alice Aldrich]

I think it's a very well written letter.

[Narrator]

It is?

[Alice Aldrich]

Oh, yes. And you use such a wonderful choice of words. Didn't he, Mary?

[Mary]

My, yes. Well, is that what you wanted the dictionary for last night, Father? Oh, well, I just wonder if half

[Alice Aldrich]

a dozen copies are going to be enough.

[Narrator]

Alice, believe me, it's not that good now, dear. Besides, I've already ordered a few extra copies.

[Mary]

You have?

[Narrator]

But only because I knew you would insist on mailing them out.

[Homer]

Oh, good.

[Alice Aldrich]

How many did you order?

[Narrator]

Enough. And just for the record, I'd like it to be known that the only reason I bothered to write that letter was to help Henry.

[Alice Aldrich]

Me, Father?

[Narrator]

Yes. I think once Gladys sees my letter, she'll realize you couldn't possibly have painted that on the sidewalk.

[Alice Aldrich]

You really think so?

[Mary]

Of course. It's just logic.

[Alice Aldrich]

Yeah. The only trouble is Gladys isn't too strong on logic. Although.

[Mary]

Excuse me.

[Alice Aldrich]

Why don't I put in a phone call?

[Mary]

Let's see.

[Alice Aldrich]

One to my sister Belle, one to your brother John. Elm203, please.

[Mary]

Mother, do you think it would help my mark Finny if I showed it

[Alice Aldrich]

to my English teacher? Dear, I Don't think anything could hurt them.

[Mary]

Hello?

[Alice Aldrich]

Hello, Mrs. Prentice? This is Henry. Oh, yes, Henry. May I speak with Gladys? I'm afraid not, Henry. You mean she's not there? Not at the moment. Oh, she's gone out? No, as a matter of fact, she hasn't gone out since yesterday. She's upstairs, chairs in a room.

[Homer]

Ah.

[Alice Aldrich]

And she's been up there since yesterday. Mrs. Prentice, do you know if by any chance Gladys happened to see this morning?

[Mary]

Hey, Henry.

[Homer]

Henry, hang up quick.

[Mary]

What for?

[Homer]

I got to tell you what I just saw.

[Alice Aldrich]

Will you beat it? Mrs. Prentice, there's a slight intercommotion here.

[Homer]

Will you listen? But I found another sign about you and Mary.

[Alice Aldrich]

Well, can't you just wait till I.

[Homer]

What I'm going to fence over and do.

[Narrator]

Oh, boy.

[Alice Aldrich]

Hello, Mrs. Plymouth. Pardon me if I say goodbye temporarily. Goodbye. Who did it? Who's the wise guy?

[Homer]

I don't know, but somebody's out to get you, that's sure.

[Alice Aldrich]

Yeah, well, I'll show him a thing or two, whoever the wise guy is. Come on.

[Homer]

He was. What's this pile of newspapers doing on your front porch?

[Alice Aldrich]

Today's Senegal Times, isn't it?

[Homer]

Yeah.

[Alice Aldrich]

Oh, they must be the copies my father ordered.

[Homer]

Yeah, he's going into the business.

[Mary]

You?

[Alice Aldrich]

No, Homer. Come on. How much further is it, Homer?

[Homer]

Right in the middle of the next bar.

[Alice Aldrich]

Boy, if you ask me, some guys have a pretty crude sense of humor. Painting the town red with my name.

[Mary]

Yeah.

[Alice Aldrich]

I just hope Gladys finds out all the trouble I'm going to for her sake. Let's cross here. Okay.

[Homer]

You know, my father was in the paper once.

[Alice Aldrich]

He wrote a letter to the editor too.

[Homer]

No. It was the time he sued the railroad for peanuts.

[Alice Aldrich]

For what?

[Homer]

Peanuts. Peanuts. He put a penny in one of their machines and nothing came out.

[Alice Aldrich]

He sued them for that?

[Homer]

No, that was just the way it started. My father put his hand up the machine, it got stuck.

[Alice Aldrich]

The machine?

[Homer]

No, his hand. And he missed his train and lost a big contract because of it. So he. Shoes.

[Alice Aldrich]

Is that right?

[Narrator]

What happened?

[Homer]

He collected. Yeah. The railroad sent him two pounds of peanuts.

[Alice Aldrich]

There it is, Homer. Just look at that fence. As broad as daylight. Boy, if I ever catch the guy that did this, you know what I'll do?

[Mary]

Do you know what I'll do?

[Homer]

Why?

[Alice Aldrich]

Well, he'll regret it as long as he lives. Maybe longer.

[Homer]

Okay.

[Alice Aldrich]

Here's a brush for you and one for me. Come on, let's get started. Started painting this out.

[Homer]

Harry, before we do this, you don't suppose the person who owns this fence might kick.

[Alice Aldrich]

Kick, kick. Why, you ought to be glad I don't sue him. As a matter of fact, I bet I've got a darn good case.

[Homer]

On what ground?

[Alice Aldrich]

Helping to defamate my character, I better have a darn good case.

[Homer]

Henry. Don't bother. My father said those peanuts cost him $200 a pound.

[Alice Aldrich]

Come on, let's start painting. Okay, you start on the Henry, and I'll work on Nancy, and we'll meet in the middle.

[Homer]

Wait a second, man.

[Alice Aldrich]

What's the matter?

[Homer]

See those two men across the street?

[Alice Aldrich]

What about them?

[Homer]

Is that a camera they have there?

[Mary]

No.

[Alice Aldrich]

I think they're probably surveying something.

[Homer]

I hope it's not us.

[Alice Aldrich]

Come on, Homer. Let's start painting or we'll never get done.

[Mary]

Hi, Mary.

[Alice Aldrich]

Gee, it's Mary.

[Mary]

Hi, Mary. Hello, Homer.

[Alice Aldrich]

Did you. Did you do what I asked you to?

[Mary]

Yes, Henry. I just came from talking to Mrs. Pettis.

[Alice Aldrich]

Do you. Did you casually mention that she ought to tell Gladys to look at the Letters to the Editor column?

[Mary]

I couldn't because I found out that the predecessors don't take the Centerville Times anymore.

[Alice Aldrich]

They don't? How come?

[Mary]

Because Dr. Predis is from Townsend.

[Narrator]

Well, what's that got to do with it?

[Mary]

Well, she said they hadn't had a copy in the house since the paper came out against Landon.

[Alice Aldrich]

Gee whiz, Mary, if that isn't typical of you.

[Mary]

Of me?

[Alice Aldrich]

I ask you to do the simplest possible thing and you let somebody named Landon get mixed up in it. Henry, maybe we better go back to

[Homer]

your house and get one of your father's papers.

[Mary]

Well, all I can say is, if you're going to do that, you better hurry, because they're going fast.

[Narrator]

In the living room.

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[Mary]

You know it.

[Homer]

What are you doing?

[Narrator]

Why, just writing. Just writing something so I know what.

[Alice Aldrich]

Where the rest of the papers are.

[Narrator]

Oh, there aren't anymore.

[Homer]

All those papers are gone.

[Narrator]

Well, at the rate you've been mailing

[Alice Aldrich]

them out, Sam, so far I've only used two.

[Narrator]

That's all? Well, Henry came in a while ago and took some. One anyway, there were a few people I thought I'd like to. Alice, I'd like to get your opinion on something.

[Alice Aldrich]

What is it?

[Narrator]

Which of these sound better to you? Main Street. Mayhem or peril to life and limbs?

[Alice Aldrich]

You're writing a murder mystery?

[Narrator]

No, no. A letter to the editor just occurred to me that. Alex, have you ever noticed how traffic gets snarled around Main and elm street at 5 o'?

[Homer]

Clock?

[Narrator]

Or do you think a letter about the new tax assessment would be of greater interest?

[Alice Aldrich]

Do you want to get that, Sam?

[Narrator]

All right.

[Mary]

Mother, do you want me to start lunch?

[Alice Aldrich]

Oh, it's a little early.

[Homer]

Yeah.

[Alice Aldrich]

Mary, look at this.

[Mary]

How is it?

[Alice Aldrich]

Apparently a list of things your father's thinking of writing to the editor.

[Mary]

About to be writing to the paper every day?

[Alice Aldrich]

I hope not, or his law practice will just go to pieces.

[Mary]

Yes, Sam.

[Alice Aldrich]

Mary, I suppose you might as well put a light under the potatoes.

[Homer]

Yes, Mother.

[Alice Aldrich]

Who's that on the phone, Sam?

[Narrator]

That, Alice was the editor of the Centerville Times.

[Alice Aldrich]

Really?

[Narrator]

Huh. Seems I've really started something down there. He sent a couple of reporters out this morning and they just came back with a picture of two of those vandals caught right in the act of smearing up a fence. And he's going to run it in tonight's paper along with a special editorial he's writing.

[Alice Aldrich]

Now that's what I call getting action, I should say. Now, how old were those vandals?

[Narrator]

Oh, just a couple of kids. He said they both looked as though they'd been shot.

[Alice Aldrich]

Oh, dear.

[Narrator]

Well, they'll finally get what's coming to them.

[Alice Aldrich]

Gracious. What do you think will happen to them?

[Narrator]

I wouldn't be a bit surprised if they both wound up in reform school.

[Mary]

Well, thanks, Millie.

[Alice Aldrich]

I don't think it was a bit fair.

[Narrator]

Why?

[Alice Aldrich]

Taking those poor boys by surprise that way.

[Narrator]

What do you want them to do? I suppose. Hoodlum suppose. After all, they were violating the Law.

[Alice Aldrich]

I realize that, Sam. I realize that. But just think of how the parents of those boys are going to feel when they see that picture.

[Narrator]

It seems to me that's something a parent should think of beforehand.

[Alice Aldrich]

Naturally you feel that way. You're a lawyer.

[Narrator]

I'm also a parent.

[Alice Aldrich]

But you're not a mother.

[Narrator]

Granted.

[Alice Aldrich]

If you were, you wouldn't let the editor print that picture.

[Narrator]

How can I stop him?

[Mary]

You started the whole thing, didn't you?

[Narrator]

Yes, but.

[Mary]

Well, why can't you tell the editor

[Alice Aldrich]

that if he insists on printing the picture, you won't write him any more letters?

[Narrator]

What?

[Alice Aldrich]

Alice.

[Mary]

Oh, Gladys.

[Homer]

Gladys, I don't think she gives you him. Why can't you just go up and ring the bell?

[Alice Aldrich]

Homer, from what her mother told me this morning, I don't think that's too wise.

[Homer]

Well, how else are you gonna get

[Alice Aldrich]

this copy of the paper to her? Well, if I can just get her to come to the window for a second, I'm sure she'll wait a second. I think I know how I can get her attention. Stand back, Henry.

[Homer]

Throwing rocks at his there always no way to make up.

[Alice Aldrich]

It's not a rock. It's just a pebble. And I'm only going to hit the window with it.

[Homer]

The window? Excuse me.

[Alice Aldrich]

Where are you going?

[Homer]

I think I'll watch from across the street.

[Alice Aldrich]

That be silly. I'm only going to hit it lightly.

[Homer]

Watch. Boy, Henry, Coach Nelson was wrong about you.

[Alice Aldrich]

In what way?

[Homer]

He said you couldn't even hit the

[Alice Aldrich]

side of a house. Where's another pen pebble?

[Homer]

Here, and let me try it once.

[Narrator]

And you're too nervous.

[Alice Aldrich]

Okay, but remember, lightly. Sure, sure, Homer went right through the window.

[Homer]

Yeah, but I think it got her attention.

[Alice Aldrich]

You think so? See, there she is.

[Homer]

There she is.

[Mary]

Oh, hi, Gladys.

[Homer]

Hi, Gladys.

[Alice Aldrich]

I hope we didn't disturb you or anything, did we?

[Mary]

Is that a picture of lemonade you have there?

[Homer]

Gladys?

[Mary]

Gladys, what are you doing with that? Having way do we get out of there? Lus, I just want to ask if you've seen this morning. Morning.

[Homer]

Oh, boy. Okay, Henry, have you got any more ideas like that?

[Narrator]

And now getting back to the troubles of Henry Aldridge. It's just a little later now. And the scene is still outside Glenn House.

[Alice Aldrich]

Now, Homer, have you got that straight?

[Homer]

I think so.

[Alice Aldrich]

Will you stop hopping up and down like that?

[Homer]

But I've still got some water in my ear. The left one popped already, but still working on the right.

[Alice Aldrich]

Well, let it dry out by natural means. Now go ahead. And remember the Important thing is to get the paper into Gladys's house. Okay. And you don't have to mention my name in there unless the situation changes.

[Homer]

I get it. You know what I just happen to think? What? Wouldn't it be easier for you to just start dating Nancy Adams? Oh, hi, Mrs. Plymouth. Hello, Homer. Would you come in? Thank you. Do you suppose I could speak to Gladys for a minute?

[Mary]

Well, I don't know.

[Alice Aldrich]

You're a pretty good friend of Henry Aldrich's, aren't you?

[Homer]

Why, we're acquainted.

[Mary]

Well, I asked her, but I don't know if she'll come down.

[Homer]

Oh, by the way, Homer, you aren't by any chance through with that newspaper, are you? Liz?

[Alice Aldrich]

Now, if you're still reading it, never mind.

[Homer]

You'd like to have it?

[Alice Aldrich]

Only if you're sure that you're through it.

[Homer]

Oh, yes, ma'. Am.

[Alice Aldrich]

Here you are. Thank you. I'll call Gladys. Oh, that isn't necessary now.

[Narrator]

It isn't?

[Homer]

No, ma'.

[Mary]

Am.

[Homer]

I'll just be running along. Goodbye.

[Mary]

Goodbye, Homer.

[Alice Aldrich]

And thanks again for the paper.

[Homer]

You're entirely welcome. And I hope you and Gladys enjoy reading it.

[Mary]

Oh, I didn't want it to read.

[Homer]

You didn't?

[Mary]

No, I just needed something to wrap

[Alice Aldrich]

my potato peelings in.

[Mary]

What? Well, goodbye.

[Homer]

But, Mrs. Prentice, that paper was intended for other eyes.

[Narrator]

Wait a second. Mr. Aldridge. Yeah? Let me close this door. Yeah, that's better. I'm glad you dropped in, Mr. Aldridge. Frankly, I didn't get what you were driving at on the phone. Well, Mr. Anderson, I think we had a bad connection. Yeah, we must have. I kept thinking what you were saying was that we should kill that picture of the two vandals. I didn't say that exactly. Of course you didn't. What I said was whether we oughtn't to stop and think about it first. About what? Well, the ceiling of the boy. Boy's parents. The possible effect on. Well, that sort of thing. Just speaking as a parent, you see. Now, Mr. Aldridge, I'm a father too, you know. Yes, but you're not a mother. Huh? I mean, what My wife. What I was going to suggest was that perhaps we ought to have these boys in and just give them talking. Mr. Aldridge, you know what your trouble is? You're too soft hearted. I know you never dealt with these kind of kids before. But I have. And you can't pamper them. Well, my wife, when you'll see the shot we got of them. Well, you just have to take one look at their faces. To know that they're potential criminals. Is that right? And those are the kind of kids you're feeling sorry for? Well, my wife. Don't you see that publishing their pictures is going to teach them a lesson they'll never forget? Well, I wonder if you'd mind calling my wife and explaining. Matter of fact, the more I think of it, the more I feel I ought to give that picture the widest possible spread. Yes, sir. Excuse me. Oh, Joe. Thea. Yes, Mr. Randy. Come in a minute. Joe, I just decided I'd like to move that picture of the two kids from the editorial page to the front page.

[Alice Aldrich]

To the front?

[Narrator]

But what about your editorial? Well, let's see if we have to put that on the front page too, don't you think? Check. Now, what about that other picture I had penciled in? Which one was that? You know, that cab driver and his 13 daughters. Oh, what was that story about again? What was it about? Yeah, what did this cab driver do? Well, he had 13 daughters. Isn't that enough? Well, we can run that some other time. Well, the only thing is this cab driver's already put in his order for 40 copies of tonight's paper for his immediate family. Oh, well, stick it in the back somewhere, then. On the sports page. On the sports page? Yeah. With the batting average. With a. Batting a cat. Because I think this story about the vandals is. Oh, excuse me, Joe. This Mr. Aldridge fellow wrote that letter. Oh, yeah. Pleased to meet you. How do you do, Jack? Hey, listen, Mr. Aldrich, if you haven't written that letter. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Joe, get your camera, quick. Dad. Mr. Aldrich, I think I've wheeled out hold of something. Yes, what is it? It's an idea that's going to. Okay, Joe.

[Homer]

Yes.

[Narrator]

Now, get this, Joe, and see if you don't think it's dynamite. Ms. Aldrich, just stand up against this wall here.

[Mary]

What?

[Narrator]

What for? You see? Here, let me have your hat. Now, just face this way, see? And hold your arm straight out. You're pointing, See? Look stern. A little more. More. All right, get that dough.

[Alice Aldrich]

Yes, got it.

[Narrator]

But what do you want my picture for? I'm gonna run it right next to the picture of those two hoodlums with you pointing straight at them, see? And the caption across the top. We'll read. Get the. Joe, Cass, we must stop this chat.

[Alice Aldrich]

I don't know, Homer. I just don't know. If that's such a hot idea, why.

[Mary]

Why?

[Homer]

Did you ever hear of anybody refusing to look at a Telegram?

[Alice Aldrich]

Sure. When they're sent, collect. But we're paying. Well, what have you got written down?

[Homer]

See page eight, this morning's Times. Probably with potato peeling.

[Alice Aldrich]

And how is it signed?

[Homer]

Al.

[Alice Aldrich]

Who's Al?

[Homer]

Just an anonymous name.

[Alice Aldrich]

Now, that's confusing. Why not just write anonymous?

[Homer]

Okay. A, N, N, O. You write it. Okay.

[Alice Aldrich]

And A, N, N, O. I. Come to think of it, Al's anonymous enough.

[Mary]

Yeah.

[Homer]

Well, do you want to send this?

[Alice Aldrich]

I don't know. Suppose they've already had their garbage collected.

[Homer]

Liz, Henry, make up your mind. You realize you practically ruined the whole Saturday for me?

[Alice Aldrich]

Well, is it my fault if every store in town has sold out their papers?

[Homer]

Hey, Henry, look what's right next door to this telegraph office.

[Mary]

Well, I'll be darn. Come on.

[Alice Aldrich]

I don't know why I didn't think of coming in here in the first place.

[Narrator]

Sure.

[Homer]

They don't have this morning's paper.

[Alice Aldrich]

Nobody will.

[Homer]

Of course.

[Alice Aldrich]

And, Homer, I promise you, as soon as I get it over to Glattus's, we'll spend the rest of the day on whatever you want to do.

[Homer]

The rest of what day? It's almost time for supper.

[Mary]

Yeah?

[Alice Aldrich]

Well, let's ask right here. Oh, mister. Yes? I mean, a copy of today's CVAL Times, please.

[Narrator]

I'm sorry, but we don't have one day.

[Alice Aldrich]

You don't?

[Homer]

She wish. How could the Senegal Times be out of the Centerville Times?

[Narrator]

We've had quite a run on them today.

[Homer]

Boy.

[Alice Aldrich]

Now what am I going to do? Homer.

[Homer]

Mister, you couldn't just run off one more copy for us, could you?

[Narrator]

I'm afraid not. But I'll tell you what you might do. You see that door there?

[Alice Aldrich]

Yeah.

[Narrator]

And that's the composing room. One of the fellows in there might

[Alice Aldrich]

just have an extra copy. Gee, thanks.

[Narrator]

That's best I can do.

[Homer]

Boys, what kind of a room do you say it was in?

[Alice Aldrich]

A composing room.

[Homer]

Oh. What are they doing there?

[Alice Aldrich]

Boy, Homer, don't you know anything a composing room is. What's the place where. It's a composing room.

[Homer]

I guess we better knock first, huh?

[Alice Aldrich]

Knock?

[Narrator]

What for?

[Homer]

So we don't disturb their train of thought while they're composing.

[Alice Aldrich]

Homer, come on.

[Homer]

How can they compose with all this noise?

[Alice Aldrich]

Do you see anybody we can ask?

[Mary]

How about that?

[Narrator]

Where?

[Homer]

The one coming this way carrying that sort of tray.

[Mary]

Oh, yeah.

[Alice Aldrich]

Mister, can I ask you something?

[Narrator]

Sorry, sonny. The paper goes to press in five minutes. Why don't you come around when they have one of those tours?

[Alice Aldrich]

Oh, no, you don't.

[Narrator]

Understand.

[Alice Aldrich]

The man outside said I might be able to get an extra copy of this morning's paper in here.

[Narrator]

Oh, I don't know whether I've got one or not. Here, will you hold this while I take a look at my desk?

[Alice Aldrich]

Gee, sure.

[Narrator]

I'll be sure and hold it level, son.

[Alice Aldrich]

Yes, sir.

[Narrator]

Boy, look at this.

[Alice Aldrich]

Homie.

[Narrator]

Yeah? What is it?

[Alice Aldrich]

Looks like a page from the paper. Isn't that right, mister?

[Narrator]

Yeah, that's the front page of the nice paper.

[Alice Aldrich]

Well, I tell my folks I was holding it.

[Narrator]

I was pretty sure I had a paper somewhere in the desk.

[Homer]

Henry, you know what's funny? What? See that picture right in the center of the page? Notice when the light hits it one way, it's negative.

[Alice Aldrich]

Yeah.

[Homer]

And then if you tip it a little like this, you can see the way it's going to look when it's printed.

[Mary]

Okay.

[Alice Aldrich]

Seems to be a picture of a couple of kids, doesn't it?

[Mary]

Yeah.

[Alice Aldrich]

What do they do? Looks to me like they're painting a. Painting a home or.

[Homer]

Jimmy, that can't be us.

[Alice Aldrich]

Maybe not, but it sure is. I can't quite see who it is. That's correct. Oh, boy. Somebody you know slightly.

[Mary]

My father. What?

[Homer]

Tree. We don't keep it so far.

[Mary]

You, Homer, grab it. Watch out.

[Homer]

Oh, boy. I'm going home.

[Narrator]

What'd you do?

[Alice Aldrich]

What'd you do? Mister, I'm afraid we.

[Homer]

Oh, no.

[Narrator]

Look at my type.

[Alice Aldrich]

Look at my type.

[Narrator]

Mr. H. You know what I ought

[Mary]

to do to you kids? Do you?

[Narrator]

Mr. Lennon, we put the paper to bed in just a few minutes. Now, what am I gonna do?

[Homer]

Say, good.

[Alice Aldrich]

Look, mister, we'll be glad to help you out.

[Narrator]

Oh, you will?

[Homer]

Sure. We certainly ought to be able to get it back together before the paper wakes up.

[Narrator]

Alice, I hear someone on the porch.

[Mary]

You do?

[Narrator]

It must be the paper boy.

[Mary]

Excuse me, D. Run like that. The shades are off.

[Narrator]

I'll take that, sonny.

[Alice Aldrich]

Not sonny, Father. It's me. Oh.

[Narrator]

Oh, hello, Henry.

[Alice Aldrich]

Good evening, Father. Henry, where have you been till now? Why, Homer and I stopped to help a man pick up some things.

[Mary]

And it kept you this late?

[Alice Aldrich]

Well, there were quite a few of these things. So, dear, we have some exciting news for you. Your father's picture is going to be on the front page of tonight's paper.

[Homer]

Yeah, I know.

[Narrator]

I mean, how do you know?

[Alice Aldrich]

Why? Well, I happened to be down in the newspaper office and I saw it.

[Mary]

You did? Is it a good picture of your father? Well, was his tie straight?

[Narrator]

Well, I don't know.

[Alice Aldrich]

How straight it is anymore, I mean. Well, I only got a quick glance, Mother.

[Homer]

Oh, well.

[Mary]

In there.

[Alice Aldrich]

Exciting, Henry.

[Homer]

Yeah.

[Narrator]

Well, I must say, you don't sound very enthusiastic.

[Homer]

I don't?

[Alice Aldrich]

Well, just because I don't sound, it don't think I am. I mean, I'm not. I mean.

[Mary]

Henry, is anything wrong?

[Homer]

Why, you.

[Narrator]

Hey, wait a second. I think I hear the paper boy.

[Alice Aldrich]

Now, Father, before you go out there, I feel there's something I ought to tell.

[Narrator]

Well, all right. Just let me get the paper boy.

[Alice Aldrich]

Wait. What I want to tell you about. You know that picture they took of you?

[Narrator]

Yes.

[Alice Aldrich]

Well, I think it's only fair for you to know that the two boys you're pointing at are Homer and me.

[Narrator]

What?

[Mary]

Sam Aldridge?

[Alice Aldrich]

But how.

[Narrator]

What were you. Good heaven.

[Homer]

Hi, everybody. Something wrong? I guess I should have knocked, huh?

[Alice Aldrich]

Homer, I just told my father about the paper.

[Homer]

Oh, I've got a copy of her right here. Would anyone like to see it?

[Alice Aldrich]

Boy, you just couldn't wait to bring the bad news, could you?

[Homer]

But, Henry, that's the point. We're not on the front page.

[Alice Aldrich]

We're not?

[Narrator]

You mean I'm not either?

[Alice Aldrich]

Oh, you are.

[Narrator]

Mr. Aldrich, let me see that, please.

[Homer]

Sure.

[Alice Aldrich]

Let me look, too, Sam.

[Narrator]

For heaven's sake, Ben, what's that you're pointing at? It's a taxi driver, and he's $13.

[Mary]

Well, what are you supposed to be saying?

[Narrator]

We must stop this.

[Mary]

Well, don't worry.

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[Homer]

Access to affordable credit helps me pay my employees, but I don't really need it.

[Alice Aldrich]

Inflation is killing me. But who cares? Big retailers are making record profits. That's why we support the Durbin Marshall credit card bill.

[Homer]

See, banks and credit unions help small businesses make payroll. This bill would cut the vital resources

[Alice Aldrich]

they need while increasing megastore profits.

[Narrator]

They deserve it, don't they?

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