Aldrich Family xx-xx-xx Bringing Home Head Cheese

Summary

Podcast Summary: Harold's Old Time Radio

Episode: Aldrich Family xx-xx-xx Bringing Home Head Cheese
Release Date: July 3, 2025

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Introduction

Bringing Home Head Cheese is a classic episode of The Aldrich Family, a beloved radio show from the Golden Age of Radio. Hosted by Harold's Old Time Radio, this episode masterfully captures the quintessential family misadventures that entertained listeners before the advent of television. The episode revolves around a simple yet humorous predicament involving a missing piece of cheese, showcasing the relatable antics of the Aldrich family members.

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Main Plot Overview

The episode centers on Henry Aldrich and his attempts to bring home a piece of cheese as requested by his mother, Alice Aldrich. What begins as a straightforward errand spirals into a comedic series of misunderstandings and mishaps involving family members and other townsfolk.

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Act 1: The Task Begins

• Early Morning Confusion: Henry is tasked with bringing home cheese for dinner. However, complications arise when his sister, Mary Aldrich, mistakenly takes the cheese to play tennis, leaving Henry scrambling to fulfill his mother's request.

  Henry Aldrich [00:16]: "Henry Aldrich. Coming, mother."

• Sister's Misstep: Mary admits that she inadvertently carried the cheese to tennis, causing Henry to worry about the impending dinner plans.

  Alice Aldrich [08:51]: "I'm just saying it seems to me that in a family this time we ought to have some sister and..."

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Act 2: The Search Intensifies

• Assigning Responsibility: Frustrated with the situation, Henry decides to hire a young boy, Homer, to carry the cheese, an umbrella, and a pocketbook back home. This decision introduces a new layer of chaos as Homer struggles to balance his responsibilities.

  Henry Aldrich [03:01]: "Typical teenage boys have an inclusive but genuine point of view all their own..."

• Homer's Struggle: Homer grapples with the responsibilities, especially when the umbrella and pocketbook become unwieldy. His interactions with Henry highlight generational misunderstandings and the challenges of youthful exuberance.

  Homer [03:25]: "But Mary, it isn't the cheese I mind. Why do I have to carry your darn umbrella in your pocketbook too?"

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Act 3: Escalating Misunderstandings

• Misplaced Items: As Homer attempts to deliver the items, he accidentally damages the umbrella and pocketbook, leading to further confusion and distress within the family.

  Henry Aldrich [04:03]: "Oh, Mary, not so loud. I'll take it here and give it to me."

• Unraveling the Mystery: The situation becomes more tangled when Homer fails to deliver the cheese on time. The family's dinner plans are jeopardized, and tensions rise as they attempt to locate both the cheese and Homer.

  Homer [11:07]: "Boy, every store I've been to is closed. And my father. Have you seen a boy about this tall with a green and yellow umbrella?"

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Act 4: Climax and Resolution

• Public Confrontation: The climax occurs when Henry and Homer confront a mysterious boy at a busy intersection, leading to a humorous but tense encounter. This interaction brings to light the absurdity of the situation and the lengths to which Henry will go to secure the missing cheese.

  Homer [19:31]: "Well, he was about so high and he was carrying a big lady's pocketbook."

• Family Reconciliation: The episode resolves with the family's realization of the misunderstanding's futility. The cheese is eventually found, and the family comes together, reinforcing their bond despite the day's confusion.

  Henry Aldrich [22:30]: "Because."

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Notable Quotes with Timestamps

1. Introduction to the Dilemma:

   Narrator [00:12]: "Holstom presents and. Henry Aldrich. Coming, mother."

2. Mary's Admission:

   Mary Aldrich [01:04]: "No, not right. Do not scorn him with world path almighty."

3. Henry's Frustration:

   Henry Aldrich [05:15]: "What’s become of Mary."

4. Homer's Plea:

   Homer [06:17]: "Would you like to have me let you carry it for me?"

5. Alice's Concern:

   Alice Aldrich [08:51]: "I have just been upstairs looking for something. Harriet, what is it you want?"

6. Family's Exasperation:

   Agnes [20:17]: "Listen, Henry, if you think I'm going."

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Themes and Insights

• Family Dynamics: The Aldrich family's interactions highlight typical familial roles and the comedic friction that arises from differing perspectives and responsibilities.

• Miscommunication: The episode underscores how miscommunication can lead to unnecessary complications, a timeless theme relatable to all generations.

• Humor in Everyday Life: By focusing on a mundane task like buying cheese, the show finds humor in everyday challenges, making the characters endearing and the scenarios amusing.

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Conclusion

Bringing Home Head Cheese is a delightful episode that encapsulates the charm and wit of The Aldrich Family. Through a series of humorous misunderstandings and heartfelt family interactions, the episode delivers both laughter and a subtle nod to the importance of clear communication and familial support. For listeners who cherish the nostalgia of old-time radio, this episode offers a perfect blend of humor, relatable situations, and classic radio storytelling.

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Credits:
The Aldrich Family is written by Clifford Goldsmith and conducted by Jack Miller. Special thanks to Postum for sponsoring this episode with wholesome entertainment for the entire family.

Transcript

[Narrator]

Holstom presents and.

[Henry Aldrich]

Henry Aldrich. Coming, mother.

[Narrator]

Holstrom presents the Aldrich Family.

[Alice Aldrich]

Written by Clifford Goldsmith.

[Narrator]

Entertainment for all the family. Brought to you by Postum. Attempting wholesome drink for all the family. Postum. Tonight we offer as a curtain raiser that most nostalgic form of entertainment from the good old days. The Barber Shop Quartet. Are you ready, men?

[Mary Aldrich]

He is more complete pity than sensual. When he often lies, we flirt all night. All the night. Poorly. Plainly just one of those ladies for whom coffee just isn't right. No, not right. Do not scorn him with world path almighty. Do not laugh at his wo. Be gone, faithful, safe. What he needs is some helpful instruction on the facts that apply to this case.

[Narrator]

Those facts, friends, are b. Even can drink coffee without ill effect. There are many others who spend a wakeful night every time they touch coffee. Now there is a mealtime drink which is caffeine free, stimulant free. It cannot keep anybody awake and it has a perfectly so. To those of you who are affected by coffee, we say, do not tell.

[Mary Aldrich]

Me, but start making Folsom. See how rich and pound lusty this drink. Lusty Drink. Drink. See Hustle. Switching to Folsom. You can sleep without losing all week. It was the night.

[Narrator]

Typical teenage boys have an inclusive but genuine point of view all their own, which grown ups can appreciate but rarely understand. Henry Aldrich knows that the scene opens on a busy street in front of a busy store.

[Homer]

Henry's sister is speaking, but Henry, Mother.

[Henry Aldrich]

Is waiting for it.

[Homer]

That doesn't make any difference, Mary. I'm not gonna go down Main street doing anything as swish as that.

[Henry Aldrich]

All right then, Henry, if you don't want to take Mother her cheese, all right. But if she asks me why she didn't get it, I'll just tell her.

[Homer]

But Mary, it isn't the cheese I mind. Why do I have to carry your darn umbrella in your pocketbook too?

[Henry Aldrich]

Henry, I've told you exactly 12 times, I'm going over to play tennis with the Anderson.

[Homer]

But Mary, in the first place, that' green and yellow umbrella and your darn pocketbook's practically as big as a suitcase. All right, then.

[Henry Aldrich]

All right.

[Homer]

Your own mother is waiting for cheese to put on a dish she's fixing.

[Henry Aldrich]

For your own dinner.

[Homer]

And there she waits in the kitchen.

[Henry Aldrich]

Wondering where the cheese is.

[Homer]

And you stand collecting a crowd she's waiting for.

[Henry Aldrich]

Yes, Henry. What's father going to say when he comes home and finds no cheese on anything? How are you going to face him?

[Homer]

Oh, Mary, not so loud. I'll take it here and give it to me.

[Henry Aldrich]

Well, thanks heavens you're coming to your senses. Here's the keys, and here's the pocketbook and the umbrella.

[Homer]

But now, wait a minute, Mary.

[Henry Aldrich]

I haven't got time. Henry, just take it home.

[Homer]

But why can't you at least take your umbrella? Listen, Agnes.

[Henry Aldrich]

Henry, wait. This guy. That's just beautiful. It's none of your business, Jimmy.

[Homer]

Get out of my way.

[Henry Aldrich]

Oh, isn't he neat? Oh, isn't it sweet? See, it comes. Eddie diamond switch.

[Homer]

Now, listen, everybody.

[Henry Aldrich]

This isn't funny.

[Homer]

Do you realize my mother's waiting for her cheese?

[Henry Aldrich]

Oh, is that the way your mother sends you shopping, Henry?

[Homer]

Never mind, Agnes.

[Henry Aldrich]

Now, listen.

[Homer]

Charlie, stop trying to twist my sister's umbrella. Do you hear me? There. Darn. You made me bang it against the lamp post.

[Henry Aldrich]

Who did? Henry. He didn't hurt it any. He did, too.

[Homer]

Agnes.

[Mary Aldrich]

It hur.

[Homer]

It won't even open now.

[Henry Aldrich]

I bet it will too. Go ahead, open it up.

[Homer]

Look, I'll show you. Well, it opened.

[Henry Aldrich]

Look at him. Hello, Henrietta. She whiz. Hey, Henry, your petticoat show.

[Homer]

Now, listen, Ellis. Didn't I tell you you broke it.

[Henry Aldrich]

I did not. You got it open, didn't you?

[Homer]

Yeah, darn it. But gee whiz, I can't close it.

[Henry Aldrich]

I can't close it.

[Homer]

Well, don't you think that's interesting, Alice? That book I was telling you?

[Agnes]

Yes, Harriet.

[Homer]

Only what I want to know is.

[Henry Aldrich]

What'S become of Mary.

[Homer]

Mary? Are you expecting her? Yes, of course.

[Henry Aldrich]

She said she'd bring the cheese right home. And I can't put this macaroni in the oven till it gets here.

[Homer]

But don't you think that's revealing, Alice?

[Henry Aldrich]

I mean, what I was telling you about that book.

[Homer]

What book? About people having complexes. Now, you take the Barclay boy over on Maple Street. His folks are just finding out why he's always been afraid of water.

[Henry Aldrich]

Why has he?

[Homer]

Well, once when Jimmy was just a baby, his mother left him alone in a bathtub and he got scared. And so today, naturally, he's afraid of all water in general.

[Henry Aldrich]

Alice, there are lots of young people.

[Homer]

Who have complexes about something or are ashamed or sensitive, and nobody knows why. Don't you think that's interesting?

[Henry Aldrich]

Yes, Harriet, but all I want to know is where is my cheese? Hey, little boy. Little boy. What?

[Homer]

Come here a minute. Come here. I won't hurt you.

[Henry Aldrich]

What's she got the umbrella up for?

[Homer]

Would you like to have me let you carry it for Me, that is, would. Here, take it.

[Henry Aldrich]

Oh, me? Yeah, sure.

[Homer]

And would you like to take this nice big pocketbook?

[Henry Aldrich]

No.

[Homer]

Go ahead. You don't have to carry it very far. Look, I'll give you a nickel.

[Henry Aldrich]

No. You think I want to look like a sissy? A sissy?

[Homer]

Jeebus, whatever put an idea like that in your head?

[Henry Aldrich]

No.

[Homer]

Okay, okay. How about a dime?

[Agnes]

I don't believe.

[Homer]

Well, I got 4 cents here in my pocket and. Well, just a second while I open this pocketbook.

[Henry Aldrich]

You mean that's where you carry your money?

[Homer]

Well, money and cheese and things. Here, hold this umbrella. Gee whiz, there doesn't seem to be any.

[Henry Aldrich]

Well, here, take your umbrella back.

[Homer]

Now, wait a minute. As soon as we get home, my mother would be very glad to give you 10 cents.

[Henry Aldrich]

Are you sure? Of course.

[Homer]

She's very anxious about. About now, here, take these things.

[Henry Aldrich]

Okay, but if anybody asks, I'm gonna say they're yours.

[Homer]

Gee whiz, nobody's going to notice you. Now, come on.

[Henry Aldrich]

Okay. Which way do we go?

[Homer]

I'll show you. I'll show you. And listen, don't walk beside me.

[Henry Aldrich]

Why not? The sidewalk's wide enough.

[Homer]

Go on.

[Henry Aldrich]

Drop behind me about 10 yards, but.

[Homer]

Don'T lose sight of me.

[Henry Aldrich]

Okay. Hey, Shorty, where'd you get the. Go on. You want me to wet you with it?

[Homer]

Now, listen, boy, there's not gonna be any fighting with that stuff.

[Henry Aldrich]

I was just telling him where to get off. And, say, do you see that yellow sign two blocks up the street? What about it? That's as far as I go for a dime. From there on, it's another nickel.

[Agnes]

Hi, Henry.

[Homer]

Hulu, what are you doing down here?

[Agnes]

Just leaning against this telephone pole. Wait a second. I'll walk along with you.

[Homer]

Well, listen, I hope I won't be taking you out of your way. Homer, for me, I'm not going anyplace.

[Agnes]

And look, Henry.

[Homer]

Look at that kid in back of us. Where?

[Agnes]

Carrying the lady's pocketbook and the umbrella.

[Henry Aldrich]

Oh, yes.

[Homer]

I. I wonder where he came from.

[Agnes]

Boy, Henry, if he doesn't look crazy.

[Henry Aldrich]

Not so loud.

[Homer]

Home. Where? He'll hear you.

[Agnes]

I know, Henry, but what do you say we drop back and kid the pants off?

[Homer]

Oh, no, Homer.

[Henry Aldrich]

Oh, no.

[Agnes]

Okay, Henry, let's cross the street before the light changes.

[Homer]

Oh, wait a minute.

[Henry Aldrich]

Stop pulling me.

[Agnes]

Look out, Henry.

[Homer]

I know, Homer, but.

[Henry Aldrich]

But why do we have to run? You don't have to push me.

[Homer]

Boy.

[Agnes]

We just got across in time. Let's go down this way.

[Henry Aldrich]

Well, Homer, first.

[Homer]

Could you wait a second? Why? I just want to wait here on the corner until.

[Henry Aldrich]

Isn't that strange?

[Agnes]

What is it you're looking for?

[Henry Aldrich]

Nothing.

[Homer]

I just wanted you on the corner until. Oh, boy.

[Henry Aldrich]

Now, Sam, don't be upset. It isn't my fault.

[Alice Aldrich]

I'm not upset. Heard you were having dinner early tonight, so I came bring home the cheese.

[Homer]

And I've been holding everything until she gets here.

[Narrator]

Alice, I'm not complaining.

[Alice Aldrich]

I'm just saying it seems to me that in a family this time we ought to have some sister and.

[Henry Aldrich]

Sam. I tried to, but I certainly didn't know you'd get home before.

[Homer]

Alice.

[Henry Aldrich]

Yes, Harriet?

[Homer]

Is Sam still upset? Well, don't you think you ought to let him sit down at the table, even if dinner isn't entirely ready?

[Henry Aldrich]

Harriet, why would we do a thing like that? Listen, didn't I just hear Mary come in with the cheese? Mary? Mary. Henry? Mother, are you calling I. Henry? Is that June? Will you come here, dear?

[Homer]

Mother, has anybody been here?

[Henry Aldrich]

Has anyone been here? No.

[Homer]

Not anyone that even asked for a dime.

[Henry Aldrich]

What's that? Well, he might have asked for 15.

[Homer]

Cents, but I hope he didn't give it to him. Henry, what are you talking about?

[Henry Aldrich]

Well, I'll tell you.

[Homer]

Aunt Harriet, has anyone seen Mary?

[Henry Aldrich]

No, Henry. I was just going to ask you.

[Homer]

Whether you'd seen her the.

[Henry Aldrich]

Why, yes, dear.

[Homer]

Why, I did see her. You saw her, Henry?

[Henry Aldrich]

Where?

[Homer]

Why, I think it was downtown in front of the Emporium.

[Alice Aldrich]

Alice.

[Henry Aldrich]

What?

[Alice Aldrich]

Sam, I don't want to appear to be rushing you, but I'm all washed. Anytime your dinner's ready.

[Henry Aldrich]

Sam, Mary disappeared with the cheese.

[Alice Aldrich]

Cheese? What?

[Henry Aldrich]

Shannon?

[Homer]

I mean. Look, Mother, why don't you advance me part a week after next allowance and let me run out and get you some?

[Henry Aldrich]

Now, dear, I can think of no.

[Homer]

Reason why you should pay for. Why not? After all, you paid for the first piece.

[Henry Aldrich]

And this piece, Henry, is going to.

[Homer]

Come right out of Mary's pocketbook.

[Henry Aldrich]

You mean you know where.

[Alice Aldrich]

Here, Henry, take this money and get some cheese and bring back the change.

[Homer]

Yes, Father.

[Henry Aldrich]

You find the ration points out in the kitchen. Mother?

[Homer]

Oh, boy.

[Henry Aldrich]

Mary, is that you?

[Homer]

I'll go out the kitchen door and come to the back way to the store.

[Henry Aldrich]

Henry, come back. Mary's here.

[Homer]

It's too late, Alice.

[Henry Aldrich]

He's gone. Mother, I'm sorry I'm a couple of minutes late, but I'll do all the dishes for you.

[Homer]

Thank you, dear. That's very kind of you.

[Henry Aldrich]

I'm sure what's that?

[Alice Aldrich]

Never mind apologizing. Mary, why did you take your cheese to play tennis?

[Henry Aldrich]

What's that, Father?

[Alice Aldrich]

Where's the cheese? Where's the cheese?

[Henry Aldrich]

Well, then didn't Henry bring it home?

[Narrator]

Who?

[Alice Aldrich]

Henry?

[Henry Aldrich]

Mary, I didn't send Henry for it.

[Homer]

I sent you for it.

[Henry Aldrich]

Yes, Mother. And then to make sure it got here, I sent Henry home with it.

[Homer]

Oh, that's how worried I was about it.

[Henry Aldrich]

Where's my pocketbook?

[Homer]

Your thoughts?

[Henry Aldrich]

My pocketbook and my umbrella. You mean you left them someplace? Mother, what did he do with them? What did he do with them?

[Homer]

Excuse me, but could you give me some ideas to some of the things you carry in the store? Stationery, writing paper, pencils. Rol, do you carry cheese?

[Henry Aldrich]

Cheese?

[Homer]

Boy, every store I've been to is closed. And my father. Have you seen a boy about this tall with a green and yellow umbrella?

[Henry Aldrich]

A green and yellow what?

[Homer]

He was just a little kid about so high and when the traffic light changed. Do you know of any way of cooking macaroni without cheese? Macaroni without wash?

[Henry Aldrich]

Sure.

[Homer]

It's my father's favorite dish. Did you ever try it with tomato sauce or bread crumbs? Tomato sauce or crumbs? That's an idea. Look, would you mind phoning my mother and telling her how to fix it, please? No, but if she asks for me, don't tell her you've seen me.

[Agnes]

Mrs. Aldrich, you mean to say he didn't even come home for dinner?

[Henry Aldrich]

No, Homer.

[Agnes]

Well, boy, he promised to go to the movies with me tonight. And, boy, if he doesn't get here soon, we're gonna be late.

[Henry Aldrich]

Homer, do you mean to say Henry doesn't even know the name of the boy he gave Mary's pocketbook and umbrella to?

[Agnes]

No, Mrs. Ulrich. He came up to about here on me. And he had pants and a sweater on. And he came out of a clear sky and disappeared into a clear sky.

[Henry Aldrich]

Yes, Sam.

[Alice Aldrich]

May I ask where you ever got the idea of putting crumbs on macaroni, dear?

[Henry Aldrich]

Someone phoned me just before dinner and told me about it and then hung up. And I was so surprised, I just went ahead and did it.

[Alice Aldrich]

Well, don't ever do it again.

[Agnes]

Boy, if Henry's much later, we're gonna have to sit right in the front row. And will I have a stiff neck tomorrow.

[Homer]

Mother.

[Henry Aldrich]

Henry, is that you?

[Agnes]

Gee whiz, Henry.

[Henry Aldrich]

Where have you been? Well, Mother Henry, where is Mary's pocketbook and umbrella and your father's chest, please?

[Homer]

That's what I Want to try to tell you first.

[Agnes]

Henry, may I ask something?

[Henry Aldrich]

Homer, would you please wait out in the hall?

[Agnes]

Yes, Mrs. Aldrich. Only when do you think we can.

[Homer]

Start for the movie?

[Henry Aldrich]

Not right this minute, dear. Now, please leave the room.

[Agnes]

Yes, Mrs. Aldrich. Only the last time I had a stiff neck, it lasted a couple of days.

[Homer]

Homer, don't you realize my mother's trying to give me a. What? Mary, I'm making up a list of.

[Henry Aldrich]

All the things that are in my pocketbook, and I'm very much afraid I'm.

[Homer]

Going to have to hold you responsible for nothing. Well, I happen to know there wasn't any money in it.

[Henry Aldrich]

Oh, you mean. But I suppose your little friend went through it, too.

[Homer]

Mary, he was not. Not my little friend.

[Henry Aldrich]

Then who was he?

[Homer]

He was just someone that was carrying it for me. And I phoned half a dozen different people to find out whether any of them knew who the kid was.

[Henry Aldrich]

Well, I certainly pity your allowance during the next two years, Mary, if it will.

[Homer]

Will cheer you up.

[Henry Aldrich]

Any father promised me an increase of.

[Homer]

20 cents a week beginning next October.

[Henry Aldrich]

Hey, Henry, your show just started. Homer, Henry appreciates your wanting to take him, but I'm afraid you'd better go without him.

[Agnes]

Okay, Henry. I'll keep my eyes open around the theater for any kid with an umbrella. Goodbye.

[Henry Aldrich]

But, Homer. Alice, where are you? Oh, why, hello, Henry.

[Homer]

Good night, Aunt Harriet.

[Henry Aldrich]

Good night.

[Homer]

Why are you going to bed this early? Why, yes, I feel a little tired.

[Henry Aldrich]

Harriet, I've never been so completely confused in my life.

[Homer]

Well, I don't know what's confusing about it. He's got a complex just the way everyone else has. He has what? Alice, this has probably been building up in him for years.

[Henry Aldrich]

Didn't he tell Homer the reason he.

[Homer]

Gave that boy Mary's umbrella and pocketbook and cheese was because he just couldn't carry it himself. Yes, and there you are.

[Henry Aldrich]

But Harry had a complex. About what?

[Homer]

Cheese, Alice. He's never liked it. He's. And today it just got the best of him.

[Henry Aldrich]

That one little piece of cheese.

[Homer]

Now, Harry. Alice, I'm going to send that book over to you. It'll wake you up to a lot of things.

[Henry Aldrich]

Mother, what do you think happened? Mary, have you found your thing? No, Mother. I was sitting in the other room trying to think who that boy was that Harry doesn't seem to know anything about. And finally I went to the phone and called Mrs. Johnson, and my goodness, Mother, she jumped right down my throat.

[Homer]

She what, Mary? Aunt Harry, I give you my word.

[Henry Aldrich]

All I said was, Mrs. Johnson, could it have been your boy that took my pocketbook? What's wrong with that? And she was rude to you.

[Homer]

Why, of course she was, Mary. You stepped right on her.

[Henry Aldrich]

I did what? Mary, isn't that the telephone? It is? Oh, my goodness. Mother. I'll go answer it, mother. If it's Mrs. Johnson calling back, tell her I'm very sorry. I didn't realize she was sick. Hello?

[Agnes]

Hello, Mrs. Aldrich? This is Homer. I don't want to seem to be trying to talk you into letting Henry go to the movies, but I think you ought to know something.

[Henry Aldrich]

What about?

[Agnes]

It's raining cats and dogs, Mrs. Aldrich, and everybody in town is out with their umbrellas, and Henry's missing a great opportun.

[Henry Aldrich]

Henry. What, Mary? I'm sorry to wake you up, Henry, but there's a very important call for you on the telephone. Well, she was.

[Homer]

Did Mother say it was all right.

[Henry Aldrich]

For me to take. Yes, Henry, of course she did. Here, take the phone.

[Homer]

Well, thank you.

[Henry Aldrich]

Hello?

[Homer]

Henry, is that you?

[Agnes]

Yeah. Well, this is Homer. I'm talking to you from a booth in the theater, Henry.

[Homer]

From where?

[Agnes]

You better get on your clothes and come right down here.

[Homer]

Why?

[Agnes]

Well, they just put on a couple of acts, see, and there's a guy that walks a tightrope with an umbrella.

[Henry Aldrich]

Gee whiz, is it our kid?

[Agnes]

No, but his umbrella is yellow and green, Henry. And he might be the kid's father.

[Narrator]

Now, getting back to the troubles of Henry Aldridge. Rather than carry his sister's pocketbook and umbrella right out on the main street, Henry hired a small boy to carry it for him. In trying to cross at a busy intersection, Henry's slave disappeared. The scene opens the next morning in the Aldrich dining room.

[Alice Aldrich]

Alice.

[Henry Aldrich]

Sam. I thought you'd finished breakfast long ago.

[Alice Aldrich]

I have, I have. But before I leave for the office, I want to have a talk with Henry. If you ask me, it's high time he came down to breakfast.

[Henry Aldrich]

Mary. Yes, Mother. I've just been calling the Jones to see whether it could have been their little girl that Henry might have mistaken for a boy. Dear, you didn't insinuate that their daughter.

[Homer]

Stole anything, did you?

[Henry Aldrich]

No, but my goodness, people are certainly getting touchy in this town. Well, go upstairs and tell Henry he.

[Homer]

Should be down here in two minutes.

[Agnes]

All right.

[Henry Aldrich]

Tell him just because I set him up for bed last night doesn't mean.

[Homer]

He can't ever come down.

[Henry Aldrich]

Yes, Mother.

[Narrator]

Well, Alice, what's the next step?

[Henry Aldrich]

What do you mean?

[Alice Aldrich]

Sam, I've called everyone I can think.

[Narrator]

Of that might have a small son.

[Henry Aldrich]

Did you phone to Benson?

[Alice Aldrich]

Yes, Alice.

[Agnes]

Harriet Lass. He's suffering with something that's pretty bad.

[Alice Aldrich]

She said what?

[Agnes]

That's what she said. And you're having an awful time getting him straightened.

[Alice Aldrich]

That's just Harriet's imagination. There's nothing wrong with Henry. He's upstairs sound asleep.

[Henry Aldrich]

Mother? Yes, Mary? What do you think now? What do you think, Mary?

[Alice Aldrich]

Does Henry refuse to come down?

[Henry Aldrich]

Heather, he is moving up there. He's apparently dressed and left the house. What's that? Sam, where are you going?

[Alice Aldrich]

Up and look for him.

[Henry Aldrich]

Well, dear, I'll go along with you. My goodness, Mother, do you think he's hiding in the attic?

[Agnes]

Mary, tell me something confidentially. What is it Henry's got?

[Henry Aldrich]

What has he got? He hasn't got anything. That's the trouble.

[Agnes]

What's that?

[Homer]

Look at this list.

[Henry Aldrich]

This, Homer, happens to be all the articles that happened to be in my pocketbook when he happened to lose it.

[Agnes]

Let's see it. There it is.

[Henry Aldrich]

Homer, I'm practically ruined.

[Agnes]

Gee, did you have all that in one pocketbook?

[Henry Aldrich]

I certainly did. Some of those things happen to be irreplaceable.

[Agnes]

What's this word here?

[Homer]

Handkerchief.

[Henry Aldrich]

That was a late handkerchief, Homer. That belonged to my Aunt Harriet. And it even had a hand embroidered initial on it. Yeah. My goodness, I've got to answer the phone.

[Narrator]

Never mind, Mary.

[Alice Aldrich]

Aunt, dress.

[Henry Aldrich]

Father, did you find anything of it?

[Alice Aldrich]

I did not.

[Henry Aldrich]

Hello?

[Homer]

Hello, Sam. This is Harriet. What are you doing home so late in the morning?

[Alice Aldrich]

I've just been upstairs looking for something. Harriet, what is it you want?

[Homer]

Do you realize what you've done to your son?

[Narrator]

To whom?

[Alice Aldrich]

Henry. You mean you've seen him?

[Homer]

Yes, I have. And he's in no condition to be.

[Henry Aldrich]

Out on the public street.

[Alice Aldrich]

Now, Harriet, there isn't anything wrong with Henry. He's just as well as you and I are.

[Homer]

Oh, you're thinking. Well, what's he over on Main street for?

[Henry Aldrich]

Grabbing young children?

[Homer]

He grabs them from in Batsam and twists them around and looks at them and then runs on and grabs another.

[Alice Aldrich]

He what?

[Henry Aldrich]

Man, his nerves must be all shot.

[Alice Aldrich]

You think? You think that is? I'll be right over.

[Agnes]

Listen, Henry, why don't you be sensible and go home and get some red?

[Homer]

Homer, it was right here by this traffic light that had disappeared yesterday.

[Agnes]

Oh, this is a pretty windy corner, Henry. Have you thought about that? It might have just lifted him right away.

[Narrator]

Look.

[Homer]

Whore.

[Mary Aldrich]

Look.

[Homer]

Who's that boy across the Street.

[Agnes]

Now, listen, Henry, if you grab one more kid and twist him around, we're gonna get in trouble. Don't you remember at all what he looked like?

[Homer]

No.

[Henry Aldrich]

Do you?

[Agnes]

No. Although I might just possibly remember him if I saw him with an umbrella.

[Homer]

Up over his head. Wait a minute. I'll be right back.

[Agnes]

Henry, where are you going?

[Homer]

I'm gonna speak to this taxi driver that parked. Hey, mister.

[Narrator]

Well, you have.

[Homer]

I wonder whether you could give me a little. Little information. Do you remember seeing anything of an accident here on this corner yesterday afternoon?

[Narrator]

An accident? Somebody hurt?

[Homer]

Well, I don't know whether he was hurt or not, but he certainly disappeared. Yeah, we can't even locate his parents.

[Narrator]

What did he look like?

[Homer]

Well, he was about so high and he was carrying a big lady's pocketbook.

[Henry Aldrich]

With a piece of cheese in it.

[Homer]

And an umbrella that was up and wouldn't come down.

[Narrator]

Listen, are you trying to kid me?

[Homer]

No. Which part is it you don't understand?

[Henry Aldrich]

Go on, play. Hey, Henry.

[Agnes]

What you doing, Sultan?

[Homer]

No, gee, whizz it. This isn't the darndest corner I've ever seen.

[Agnes]

Listen, Henry, will you please be sensible and come home? Don't you realize you need a rest?

[Homer]

Now, listen, Homer, stop pushing me. Just get away. Just get away. Go on home yourself.

[Agnes]

Well, that's a nice way to talk to me.

[Homer]

And what help have you been? This. This whole thing was your fault anyway.

[Agnes]

Well, that's appreciation for you.

[Henry Aldrich]

Gee, whiskey.

[Agnes]

Didn't I go down to the Centerville Times this morning and put an ad in the paper?

[Homer]

For what?

[Agnes]

For your darn sister's pocketbook. I paid for it out of my own money. It cost me 50 cents.

[Homer]

You did?

[Agnes]

Yes, I did.

[Homer]

Well, gee, why didn't you tell me? Why didn't you? Thank you. Thank you very much.

[Agnes]

You mean you're sorry of you in public?

[Homer]

Well, when I said thank you, didn't Henry, she was. Is that you, Father?

[Alice Aldrich]

Henry, what are you doing out here on the street?

[Homer]

Well, he's all right, Mr. Aldrich.

[Agnes]

I've got my eye on him.

[Alice Aldrich]

Homer, will you please get away?

[Homer]

Who?

[Alice Aldrich]

I. Yes, Homer, please go down the street. I want to have a talk with Henry.

[Agnes]

Yes, Mr. Aldrich.

[Homer]

I'll go.

[Alice Aldrich]

Henry, get out of the way. Now, then, Henry, what are you doing here?

[Homer]

I'm looking for Mary's pocketbook.

[Alice Aldrich]

Here on this corner?

[Henry Aldrich]

Sure.

[Alice Aldrich]

Henry, what's gotten into you? Do you realize that not only Mary is upset, but you have your mother upset, your Aunt Harry upset, your father?

[Henry Aldrich]

Excuse me.

[Alice Aldrich]

Henry, where are you going?

[Henry Aldrich]

Goodbye, Father.

[Alice Aldrich]

Henry, come back here.

[Homer]

Henry.

[Agnes]

Are you sure that's your sister's umbrella?

[Homer]

Sure I am. Can't you see it won't come down?

[Agnes]

Boy, was I lucky to see that kid.

[Homer]

And I certainly appreciate your recognizing him, Homer. But genius should never have dove and tackled him like that.

[Agnes]

I didn't hurt him, Henry.

[Homer]

I didn't want him to get away from me. But what's become of my father? Your father?

[Henry Aldrich]

Sure.

[Homer]

I was standing right here by this traffic light, Homer, talking to, when all of a sudden I happened to see you die for the kid way down the street and I ran.

[Agnes]

And now your father's disappeared.

[Henry Aldrich]

Well, sure.

[Homer]

What happens to people on this corner?

[Henry Aldrich]

Oh, Henry, you afraid it's going to rain?

[Homer]

Now, listen, Charlie.

[Agnes]

Hey, Henry, if you think I'm going.

[Homer]

To walk with you, you're crazy.

[Henry Aldrich]

Hello, Henry. You're going to a tea party. Hey, mister. Taxi. Mr.

[Homer]

How is he, Alice?

[Henry Aldrich]

He's in the living room, Harriet.

[Homer]

I made him lie down. Fine. That's the best thing in the world for him.

[Henry Aldrich]

But I'll never be able to understand why I had to go out in.

[Homer]

Front and pay a 25 cent taxi bill for it.

[Henry Aldrich]

Because.

[Homer]

Alice, I told you last night, he's always hated it.

[Henry Aldrich]

Hated what, Jean, my goodness. Mother, I want you to smell something. What, Mary? My lipstick. My lipstick. Oh, my goodness. Please don't hold that under my nose. I can't possibly use it. Mother, Huber will be thinking I've been eating a cheese sandwich. My whole pocketbook smells like a delicatessen.

[Homer]

What's that, Mary? If somebody been to the delicatessen, could I have something to eat?

[Henry Aldrich]

Henry, do you feel hungry?

[Homer]

Hungry? Sure. I haven't had any breakfast or lunch.

[Henry Aldrich]

Well, I can't get you anything until.

[Homer]

I've answered this phone.

[Henry Aldrich]

Hello?

[Alice Aldrich]

Hello, Alice?

[Narrator]

This is Sam.

[Alice Aldrich]

Get in the car and drive over to Will Brown's. I need $25.

[Homer]

What for?

[Alice Aldrich]

I was down on Main Street, Alice, and I tried to take an umbrella away from a small boy and his mother saw me and now I'm in jail.

[Henry Aldrich]

Oh, my goodness.

[Alice Aldrich]

Alice, please get that $25.

[Henry Aldrich]

Y. Alice, what's happened? Nothing, Harriet. Just get out of my way. Mother, did you see this in the paper? Did I see what, Mary? What is it? In the Lost and Found column. Who put this in? Oh, Homer did.

[Homer]

Wasn't that decent of him?

[Henry Aldrich]

Yes, it certainly was.

[Homer]

Mary, I'm sorry, but I've got to go.

[Henry Aldrich]

But, Mother, listen. Lost on Main street by Henry Aldrich. One silk lady's umbrella One pocketbook containing three lipsticks.

[Homer]

What's that?

[Henry Aldrich]

One eyebrow pencil. Six bobby pins. One Kiss me goodnight compact.

[Homer]

One what?

[Henry Aldrich]

One lace handkerchief with initial H and Bl. Roy. Than Connor.

[Homer]

Now, Mary Henry. Wait till I get Homer. I'm going to kill him. I'm going to kill him.

[Henry Aldrich]

Hold him, Alice. He's getting violent. It's that key.

[Narrator]

If coffee keeps you awake, try caffeine free Postum. It comes in two forms. Regular postum, which is ground just right for pot, percolator or drip maker. Or instant potom, which is made so easily right in the cup simply by adding boiling water. Made either way, Postum tastes well. Food is a weapon of war. You've heard that statement before. I know, but do you realize consciously what it means? Do you realize that our American food can give our own fighting men and our allies the fighting edge they need to smash the actors? It can help prevent the spread of starvation and disease in liberated countries. It can help secure the cooperation of the people in those countries in working out a lasting peace. Yes, that's the way food can fight for freedom. But you personally must help by conserving food in your home. So start by keeping the home front pledge.

[Homer]

That means buy foods that are plentiful rather than bid against your neighborhood scarce foods. Never accept ration foods without turning in the correct number of ration points.

[Narrator]

Listen again next week, same time, same station, for another sparkling half hour with your favorite youngster, his family and his pals. The Aldrich Family is written by Clifford Goldsmith, conducted by Jack Miller.