Alka Seltzer - When Love Goes Wrong

Summary

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Podcast Summary: Harold's Old Time Radio

Episode: Alka Seltzer - When Love Goes Wrong
Date: March 22, 2026
Host: Harold's Old Time Radio
Featured Performers: Kurt Massey, Martha Tilton
Musical Guest: Country Washburn and Orchestra

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Overview

This episode of Harold's Old Time Radio brings listeners back to the cherished "Alka Seltzer Show," a classic variety program from the Golden Age of Radio. Themed around love and its ups and downs, the show features beloved singing duo Kurt Massey and Martha Tilton as they perform a collection of sentimental, romantic, and playful songs interspersed with light banter and humor. In addition to the musical numbers, there are period-appropriate discussions and witty exchanges that capture the whimsical tone of mid-century radio entertainment.

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Key Discussion Points & Performances

1. Setting the Scene and Opening Number

[00:34–00:55]

• Introduction by Kurt Massey and Martha Tilton: They welcome listeners and set the cheerful, nostalgic mood with the familiar “Alka Seltzer Time” jingle.
• Memorable Quote (00:50):
  • Martha Tilton: “Morning, noon and night, it’s Alka Seltzer time.”
  • Kurt Massey: “I’m Kurt.”
  • Martha Tilton: “I’m Martha.”
  • Kurt Massey: “And here we go with the Alka Seltzer Show.”

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2. Musical Medley: When Love Goes Wrong

[01:10–02:16]

• The duo sings “When Love Goes Wrong,” reflecting on how everything seems out of sorts when romance sours.
• Memorable Quotes:
  • Martha Tilton (01:10):
    “When love goes wrong, nothing goes right. There’s one thing I know: when love goes wrong, a man takes flight, and a woman gets uppity.”
  • Kurt Massey (01:29):
    “A clock won’t strike and a match won’t light. When love goes wrong nothing goes right.”

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3. Ballad: Easy to Remember, Hard to Forget

[02:30–04:13]

• Martha takes the lead with the nostalgic “It’s Easy to Remember (But So Hard to Forget),” a heartfelt ballad about lingering memories of a lost love.
• Standout Lyric (02:53):
  • Martha Tilton: “It’s easy to remember but so hard to forget. I hear you whisper ‘I’ll always love you.’ I know it’s over and yet it’s easy to remember but so

Transcript

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[Kurt Massey]

Alka Seltzer Speedy Alka Seltzer the Alka

[Announcer]

Seltzer Show Transcribed in Hollywood Featuring radio's favorite singing stars, Kurt Massey and Martha Tilton with the music of Country Washburn,

[Kurt Massey]

It's Alka Seltzer time. Alka Seltzer time.

[Martha Tilton]

Morning, noon and night, It's Alka Seltzer time.

[Kurt Massey]

I'm Kurt.

[Martha Tilton]

I'm Martha.

[Kurt Massey]

And here we go with the Alka Seltzer Show.

[Martha Tilton]

When love goes wrong Nothing goes right there's one thing I know when love goes wrong a man takes flight and woman gets uppity. O the sun don't be, the moon don't shine, the tide don't ebb and

[Kurt Massey]

flow A clock won't strike and a match won't l. When love goes wrong nothing goes right.

[Martha Tilton]

The blues all gather round you and

[Kurt Massey]

day is dark as night A man

[Martha Tilton]

ain't fit to live with and a

[Kurt Massey]

woman is a sorry sight.

[Martha Tilton]

It's like I said, you're better off dead.

[Kurt Massey]

When love has lost its glow so

[Martha Tilton]

take this down in black and white. When love goes wrong, nothing goes right.

[Kurt Massey]

When love goes wrong nothing goes right. When love goes wrong there's very little

[Martha Tilton]

left that's why

[Kurt Massey]

nothing goes right. Now, Martha, what would you like to sing as a follow up to that one?

[Martha Tilton]

Well, I know a nostalgic oldie that would follow it very nicely. Kurt when love goes wrong it's easy to remember but so hard to forget. Your sweet expression, the smile you gave me the way you looked when we

[Kurt Massey]

met

[Martha Tilton]

it's easy to remember but so hard to forget. I hear you whispering, whisper I'll always love you. I know it's over and yet it's easy to remember but so hard to forget. So I must dream to have your hands caress me Fingers press me tight I'd rather dream then have that lonely feeling stealing through the night. Each little moment is clear before me and though it brings me regret it's easy to remember and so hard to

[Kurt Massey]

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[Martha Tilton]

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[Kurt Massey]

Day brand means quality.

[Announcer]

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[Martha Tilton]

Brace yourself for a very personal question. Kurt. Who do you love?

[Kurt Massey]

Well, do I have to tell?

[Martha Tilton]

Mm. No secrets.

[Kurt Massey]

Okay, Here goes. I love Louisa Louisa loves me. When we rode on the merry go round I kissed Louisa and then Louisa Louisa kissed me we were so happy so happy and free.

[Martha Tilton]

My turn?

[Kurt Massey]

Yep, your turn to fess up. Martha, who do you love?

[Martha Tilton]

I love my baby. My baby loves me. Don't know nobody as happy as we. I'm only 20 and he's 21. We never worry we're dead. Just having fun.

[Kurt Massey]

You love your baby. I love Louisa. And what do we both love?

[Martha Tilton]

Paris. I love Paris in the springtime

[Kurt Massey]

I love Paris in the fall I love Paris in the wind when it drizzles

[Martha Tilton]

I love Paris in the summer when it sizzles my love peris Every moment

[Kurt Massey]

Every moment of the year I love perish why, oh, why do I love Paris? Because my love is new.

[Martha Tilton]

Good. I think this. This song you're going to sing kind of explains why sometimes young girls prefer the company of older men. You know, a young man fancies himself a Casanova and he flits from flower to flower.

[Kurt Massey]

Oh, yes. But as the years go by, he sees the candles piling up on his birthday cake. And the fellow kind of settles down to find one girl and one love for the rest of his life. When I was young yes, very young My heart just wouldn't fall I didn't know whose lips to kiss and so I kissed them all I didn't know whose heart to keep and whose to throw away and so I tried another heart Another every day But I'm a little older now and I'm a little wise the love that I was looking for I find dear in your eyes I'm glad, glad I kissed the other lips Before I kissed your own Because I was young, so very young I never would have known yes, I'm a little older now and I'm a little wise the love that I was looking for I find it in your eyes I'm glad I kissed the other lips Before I kissed your own Cause I was young, so very young I never would have known.

[Martha Tilton]

Well, Kurt, here's the latest bulletin from the ballroom and Bandstand customers. The Charleston, the Bunny hug and the Hucklebuck are completely passe.

[Kurt Massey]

That's right. The latest craze is a hand clapping country style dance called the Tennessee Wigwam. Let's dance. Well, I'm a bow legged chicken I'm an octane Never been so happy since I don't know where I walk with

[Martha Tilton]

a wiggle and a giggle and a

[Kurt Massey]

squawk and a dew and a Tennessee

[Martha Tilton]

wigwalk Hear a toot on a fiddle on a hardwood floor Though I'm broke and weary and my back is sore

[Kurt Massey]

I walk with a wiggle and a giggle and a squawk A dew and

[Announcer]

a Tennessee wigwalk

[Kurt Massey]

Put your toes together, your knees apart Bend your back, get ready to start Flap your elbows just

[Martha Tilton]

to love Then wiggle and waddle like a baby duck

[Kurt Massey]

oh, I love you honey won't you be my bride? We'll always be together here side by side I walk with a wiggle and we'll giggle and squawk I do in the Tennessee wig. Oh, they do it in Memphis Nashville

[Martha Tilton]

too if it's good for them, it's good for you.

[Kurt Massey]

They walk with a wiggle and a giggle and a squawk they do in the Tennessee Wig Walk.

[Martha Tilton]

Alka Seltzer.

[Announcer]

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[Kurt Massey]

Alka Seltzer speedy.

[Martha Tilton]

Alka Seltzer fast to ease the misery of a cold.

[Kurt Massey]

If a cold is now your fate, Alka Seltzer's bound to raid. Alka Seltzer.

[Martha Tilton]

Well, partner, got your boots and saddles polished up for tomorrow?

[Kurt Massey]

Yep. I got my spurs tied low, Marcy. And now I guess, I mean, I reckon the folks kind of cotton onto the idea that we're heading out west come tomorrow.

[Martha Tilton]

Oh, we sure did try to give him a hint, Kurt. So how about that, friends? Will you hit the trail with us for some good old Western favorites tomorrow?

[Kurt Massey]

Same time, same station, Western location. We'll sing the old song we'll sing the new we'll sing the bright songs and maybe we'll sing the blues On Monday Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday Friday too For you, for you for you.

[Announcer]

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