Amos And Andy - Andy Married

Summary

Podcast Summary: Amos & Andy – "Andy Married"

Podcast: Harold's Old Time Radio
Episode Date: March 26, 2026
Main Cast: Amos, Andy Brown, Kingfish (George Stevens), Abigail Simpson, Harry Simpson, Charmaine, Shorty the Barber

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Episode Overview

This classic episode of Amos & Andy spins a comedic tale of mistaken identities, last-minute wedding disasters, and wild attempts at escape, centering around Andy Brown's unexpected marriage to Abigail Simpson, a spinster from Texas. The show employs rapid-fire wit, running gags, and escalating situations as Andy and Kingfish scramble to undo the trouble they're in, confronting both a vengeful new wife and her determined, gun-toting brother.

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Key Discussion Points & Plot Breakdown

1. Set-Up: Andy’s Unintended Wedding

Timestamp: 01:42 – 03:30

• The episode picks up with Andy Brown already married to Abigail Simpson, thanks to a conniving plan by Kingfish involving a $500 reward.
• The original plan: Kingfish’s secretary, Charmaine, was meant to interrupt the ceremony by pretending to be Andy’s current wife, thus ending the marriage before it began—but she arrives too late.
• Andy, growing desperate during the ceremony, keeps looking for his "rescue," but is forced to go through with the vows.

Notable Quote:

• Kingfish: “You see, it all started when this gal Abigail give the kingfish $500 to get Andy to the altar… the plan was to have the ceremony busted up in the middle.” (02:01)

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2. Immediate Aftermath and Andy’s Escape

Timestamp: 03:30 – 05:00

• Directly after the wedding, Andy flees the church, with Abigail in hot pursuit.
• Charmaine and Kingfish react humorously to the absurdity of Abigail chasing Andy barefoot down Lennox Avenue.
• Andy disappears, with his whereabouts unknown, and Kingfish expresses mock concern.

Memorable Moment:

• Kingfish: “When she took off after Andy… she pulled her wedding dress up to her knees, kick off them high heeled shoes, and barefooted it down Lennox Avenue.” (04:39)

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3. Andy in Hiding & Seeking Solutions

Timestamp: 06:10 – 08:46

• Andy has been hiding in the basement for almost a week, terrified of marital duties and Abigail’s wrath.
• Kingfish fuels Andy’s courage by referencing English poet Kipling (incorrectly), urging Andy to confront Abigail.

Notable Quote:

• Kingfish: "Don’t you remember the famous words of that great English poet, Rudyard Kipling? He said, quote, when it comes to the species, the male of the species, there’s much more species..." (08:12) (Classic Kingfish malapropism)

• Andy: "Say, I just as species as anybody." (08:40, parodic bravado)

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4. Complications Escalate: Abigail’s Brother Arrives with a Gun

Timestamp: 09:46 – 15:07

• Abigail telegrams her brother Harry, who travels from Texas with "shooting irons," vowing to bring Andy back—dead or alive.
• Shorty the Barber frantically warns Kingfish and Charmaine: “He say he gonna bring Andy back to her, dead or alive.” (12:36)
• The friends concoct a plan: Kingfish decides to tell Harry that Andy is dead, hoping to avoid confrontation.

Comic Dialogue:

• Shorty (on stopping a gunman): “He know he couldn’t shoot me... He realized that he shot me... Up he went. He left. He ran down. He stabbed me.” (13:39)

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5. The "Death" and the Absurd Cover Story

Timestamp: 16:32 – 19:41

• Kingfish puts on a widower's outfit with a black armband and lily, staging a fake mourning.
• Tells Harry Simpson a preposterous story: Andy was run over by a steamroller and shipped back to England immediately for burial.
• Harry buys the lie: “You mean he was hit by the steamroller and is now on the boat to England all in one day?”

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6. Identity Mix-Up: The “Twin Brother” Ruse

Timestamp: 21:24 – 24:45

• Abigail briefly sees Andy on the street, busting the death cover story.
• The friends visit Calhoun, seeking legal cover; he suggests pretending Andy has a twin brother from England.
• Andy dons a fake beard and monocle, using a terrible English accent (or no accent at all), and becomes “Reginald Brown.”

Standout Comic Exchange:

• Kingfish: “You look just like you got off the boat from Liverpool, you know that?” (24:12)
• Andy: “I sure hope I look I got off of some boat.” (24:21)

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7. The Climax: Disguise Falls Apart & Andy Dashes Again

Timestamp: 24:51 – 27:50

• Andy and Kingfish try their “Reginald from England” scam on Abigail and Harry.
• Abigail is suspicious of the lack of accent.
• Disaster strikes when Andy’s fake beard falls off—and Abigail realizes the ruse.

Notable Quotes & Action:

• Andy (in disguise): "Uh, pip pip, tally ho and jolly glad to meet you, Governor." (25:09)
• Abigail: “Why, Mr. Brown, your beard! … You are Andy! Brother Harry, come on out here and hold the doors. Handy’s here. I found my husband.” (27:31)
• Andy: "I ain't messing with no door. Stand back!" (27:42)
• Kingfish: "Go out the window!" (27:45)

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Memorable Moments & Running Gags

• Kingfish's Self-Preservation: Always looking for ways out, dropping “us” for “I” when danger arises. (14:17)
• Exaggerated Comic Violence: The constant flight from Abigail and her brother’s gun.
• Fake Britishness: The hilariously poor attempt at passing Andy off as his English “twin brother.”
• Classic Malapropisms: Kingfish’s misquotes and twisted logic for comic effect.

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Important Timestamps

• 01:42 – Exposition: Andy is married to Abigail Simpson
• 02:01 – The original wedding plan explained
• 03:06–04:14 – Andy flees; Abigail chases
• 06:59–07:24 – Andy discovered in hiding; recounts his diet and fear
• 09:46–10:30 – Abigail’s brother arrives, promises vengeance
• 13:38–13:39 – Shorty tells absurd story about surviving a gunman
• 16:32–19:41 – Kingfish fakes Andy’s death; absurd funeral and burial story
• 22:17–23:33 – The "twin brother" plan is hatched
• 24:51–27:50 – Disguise revealed, Andy makes a desperate escape

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Selected Quotes

• Kingfish: “If you didn’t have such a brilliant mind, I’d never get out of the messes that you get me into.” (16:11)
• Andy: "What you mean I? You mean I was going up there by myself?" (14:35)
• Kingfish: “Did you ever hear of the Lone Ranger?... Well, when you goes up there, you ain't gonna have no more people with you than he got.” (14:41)
• Kingfish: “Well, to give it to you as briefly as possible, the Grim Reaper done come by and it was harvest time for Andy... In short, the bum is dead.” (17:04)
• Kingfish: "Now, certainly nice to see you over here and we appreciate your hospitality and all that stuff. But, Reggie, we done paid our respects to your brother's widow... Say ta ta to the woman." (26:36)
• Andy (as Reginald): “Bonjour, senorita.” (26:55)

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Episode Tone and Style

• True to the original: Fast-talking, vaudevillian wit; playful malapropisms; situational farce.
• Comically exaggerated and self-referential, especially in the face of danger and disaster.
• Satirical of legal, social, and romantic norms, with a slapstick approach to conflict.

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Conclusion

Amos & Andy – "Andy Married" delivers a quintessential example of Golden Age radio comedy—brimming with farcical deception, quick banter, and escalating chaos. Listeners witness Andy’s reluctant marriage, his frantic non-honeymoon, the arrival of an armed, justice-seeking brother-in-law, and a hilariously doomed effort at disguise. The attempted resolutions are absurd and pile up as quickly as the lies.

For fans of classic radio and zany sitcom logic, this episode serves up big laughs and a crash course in how NOT to handle a wedding gone wrong.

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Ad sections and sponsor mentions (Liberty Mutual, Chumba Casino, Rinso) have been omitted from this summary as per instructions.

Transcript

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[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

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[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Kingfish, you mean that Andy really got married? Yes, Amos, he is really hooked. You see? Now here's what happened.

[Shorty the Barber]

Kingfish.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

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[Announcer/Narrator]

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[Shorty the Barber]

Rinse.

[Abigail Simpson]

All right.

[Announcer/Narrator]

Rinse.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

All right.

[Andy Brown]

Rinse.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Oh, new Happy Little Wash day song.

[Announcer/Narrator]

Well, the Kingfish really got Andy in a jam last week. As a matter of fact, Andrew H. Brown is now married to a middle aged spinster from Texas, Abigail Simpson. At the moment we find Andy's best friend Amos discussing the situation with Henry Van Porter.

[Andy Brown]

Amos, you mean to say that Andy is really married? How in the world did that happen?

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Well. Oh, it's a mess, Henry. You see, it all started when this gal Abigail give the kingfish $500 to get Andy to the altar. Yes, but the plan was to have the ceremony busted up in the middle, you see. Busted up? Yeah, you see, you know the part of the ceremony where the preacher said if anyone knows any reason why these two ought not be joined, speak up. And all that stuff remembers very well. Well, right at that spot, the King's visa secretary Charlemagne was supposed to jump up and claim that she was and his wife and stop the wedding, you see.

[Andy Brown]

Well, if she was supposed to do that, something must have went wrong.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Yeah, you see, Charmaine got the time mixed up and never got there. And all during the ceremony, well, Andy kept looking round for her, just hoping that she would be there. The poor boy was really beside himself, especially when the preacher come to the

[Andy Brown]

part where he said, forasmuch as these

[Harry Simpson (Abigail's brother)]

two persons have come hither to be made one, if there be any here present who knows any just cause why they may not be lawfully joined in marriage, I require him now to make it known or forever hold his peace.

[Andy Brown]

Somebody say something,

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Dan? To stop looking around. You got your back to the preacher? Oh, yeah.

[Announcer/Narrator]

Yeah.

[Harry Simpson (Abigail's brother)]

Do you, Abigail Simpson, take this man to be your lawful wedded husband, to love, honor and cherish until death do you part?

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

I do.

[Harry Simpson (Abigail's brother)]

And do you, Andrew Brown, take this woman to be your lawful wedded wife?

[Andy Brown]

Aye. Aye.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Andy, you gotta go through with it.

[Andy Brown]

I do.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Good. I know. But now, Misses Brown, may I be

[Harry Simpson (Abigail's brother)]

the first to congratulate you.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

I wish you all the happiness in the world.

[Abigail Simpson]

Oh, thank you.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

And as for you, Mr. Brown. Mister. Good heavens, what happened to the groom? Hey, go out the back door, quick.

[Shorty the Barber]

Somebody's coming.

[Abigail Simpson]

Do something. He's getting away. Hold him.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Hold him. Now, if I do, keep asking me where Andy is. I don't know where he is. I ain't seen him since he run out of the church a week ago.

[Charmaine (Kingfish's secretary)]

I couldn't believe my eyes when Andy run out the place.

[Abigail Simpson]

Has anybody seen him since he flew out to church?

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

No. The only trace of him was the skid marks on the sidewalk where he turned the corner.

[Charmaine (Kingfish's secretary)]

Well, I think it's disgusting, a man running out on his own wedding.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Well, I don't know what's so disgusting, buddy.

[Abigail Simpson]

Well, it's a good thing you didn't

[Charmaine (Kingfish's secretary)]

find nothing like that at our wedding.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Well, how could I? Your papa had the front and back door to church lock and there were two of your relatives standing at every emergency exit. Like getting married in a bank vault.

[Charmaine (Kingfish's secretary)]

Well, never mind our marriage, George. The one I'm worried about is Andy's bride, Abigail.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Yeah, well, I ain't seen her since the ceremony. That was really some sight. When she took off after Andy. When she see the Andy go at that door, she pulled her wedding dress up to her knees, kick off them high heeled shoes and barefooted it down Lennox Avenue.

[Charmaine (Kingfish's secretary)]

Well, George, all I can say is that you seem to be taking this whole thing pretty light. You know, you're the one that got Andy in this mess.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Well, I ain't taking it light. Seeing my old pal Andy disappear like this has been a big shock to me. Really, Joy, I'll tell you, them leaving is the biggest blow I suffered since they cut off wpa. All gonna cost me a.

[Charmaine (Kingfish's secretary)]

Mr. Stevens. Ain't you hid Nothing from Andy yet?

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

No, Charmaine ain't hear the words.

[Charmaine (Kingfish's secretary)]

Oh, I feel terrible about this whole thing.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Yeah, well, you ought to feel terrible. You and the boy is crazy about each other. And then when he needs you to help him, you let him down by not showing up at the church to bust up the wedding.

[Charmaine (Kingfish's secretary)]

Oh, I'll never forgive myself. And you know, I've been wondering about something, Mr. Stevens.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

What's that?

[Charmaine (Kingfish's secretary)]

Well, now that Andy is married, I've been wondering if him and me ought to call off our engagement.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Holy smokes. You know, Charmaine, if ever I get enough money to pay your back salary, I gonna fire you. That's what I. Anything else? I suppose you round your date?

[Charmaine (Kingfish's secretary)]

Oh, yes, yes. Some of the brothers has got a Christmas tree in the reading room. And they want you to unlock the storeroom in the basement so they can get the Christmas tree ornaments out.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Yeah, well, I'll get on down the basement now. I'll take care of it right away. Hmm. So look, dog down these fellow stairs. Here. Let me get the candle off the ledge here and light this thing here.

[Andy Brown]

Here's a match.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Now, that's better. These steps sure is in bad shape. They wouldn't want to fall down there and fracture my sacred alijack here. Even darker down here than I thought. Well, I guess the ornaments was over here in the store room by the coal bin. What was that? What is that hissing around? Must be the hot water heater. Holy smokes. The hot water heater's got a derby on it. Andy. Andy, it's you.

[Andy Brown]

Yeah, Kingfish, it's me.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Oh, so this is where you've been hiding since the wedding.

[Andy Brown]

Yeah, Kingfish, I've been down here for six days.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Holy mackerel. A week with no food. You must be suffering from malignation, ain't it? Did you had anything to eat?

[Andy Brown]

Well, for the first two days, I was too scared to eat. But the third night, I sneaked out late and went to the lunchroom and ate 17 hamburgers. I was too worried to eat anything else.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

You were shaking like a.

[Andy Brown]

Well, tell me about everything, Kingfish. What happened since I run out to church after the wedding? Did you see my wife, Abigail?

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Well, Andy, the last thing I heard from her, she was still camped up in the hotel room in the bridal suite. She just sits there with Chanel Number five behind her ears and a baseball bat in her hand.

[Andy Brown]

Listen, Kingfish, you is the one that got me in this mess, and you got to help me get out of it.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Yeah, well, now, Anna, look here, I've been thinking. Here we is only dealing with a woman here. Why don't we just go up there and lay the cards on the table? Tell her that even though you is married to her, that you ain't got no intention of being her husband, and that's final.

[Andy Brown]

Yeah, I'll tell her I'm gonna be a kissless groom. And when you come right down to it, there ain't much she can do about it.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Yeah, Andy, after all, there ain't no reason for you to be afraid of a measly defenseless woman. Everybody know that.

[Andy Brown]

They does, huh?

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Why is that, Nanny? Don't you remember the famous words of that great English poet, Rudyard Kipling? He said, quote, when it comes to the species, the male of the species, there's much more species than other species that got.

[Andy Brown]

Yeah, let me get out of this cellar. I'll face a defenseless woman anytime. Like this fella. Woodyard killer. Say, I just as species as anybody.

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[Liberty Mutual Spokesperson (possibly a male voice)]

Hey, everyone. Check out this guy and his bird. What is this, your first date?

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Oh, no.

[Liberty Mutual Spokesperson (possibly a female voice)]

We help people customize and save on car insurance with Liberty Mutual. Together we're married. Me to a human, him to a bird.

[Liberty Mutual Spokesperson (possibly a male voice)]

Yeah, the bird looks out of your league.

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[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

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[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

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[Abigail Simpson]

Oh, Harry, I'm so glad you come up to New York City.

[Harry Simpson (Abigail's brother)]

Well, Abigail, I flew up here from Texas as soon as I got your telegram. You know, it's a brother's duty to be by his sister's side at a time like this.

[Abigail Simpson]

Oh, brother dear, it's terrible. My husband Andy ran out of the church right after the ceremony.

[Harry Simpson (Abigail's brother)]

Now, now, Take it easy, Abigail. I brought my shooting irons with me. Maybe we can persuade the little groom to gine up with his bride. Ah, don't you worry. Nonsense. Oh, wait a minute. I got an idea.

[Abigail Simpson]

Oh, this sound wonderful. What you gonna do, Harry?

[Harry Simpson (Abigail's brother)]

I'm going over to that lodge hall where this bum Andy Brown hangs out. And he's either gonna be your husband or you gonna be a widow.

[Abigail Simpson]

I sure hope you'll find him soon, brother dear. And I'm gonna tell you something else. I can't afford to keep this bridal suite much longer. And on top of that, I'm running out of ch.

[Shorty the Barber]

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[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

o White Whiter than new Rinse o bright Brighter than new Rinse o white

[Announcer/Narrator]

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[Harry Simpson (Abigail's brother)]

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[Shorty the Barber]

Happy Little Wash Day song.

[Charmaine (Kingfish's secretary)]

Oh, Shorty the barber.

[Abigail Simpson]

What do you want?

[Shorty the Barber]

I gotta see the Kidfish right away. Abigail's brother. Sometimes he's looking for Andy with a gun. Oh, good heavens.

[Charmaine (Kingfish's secretary)]

You better go riding.

[Shorty the Barber]

I'll say we'd like to. The Kingfish.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Me. Charlie, what you doing busting here like this?

[Shorty the Barber]

Teach me, sir. The most terrible thing is that it's a matter of life and death. The worst. The most awful. Well, go sit there and do something.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Wait a minute, Shorty. Calm yourself down here and tell me what all this is about.

[Shorty the Barber]

Listen, King Fish, Abigail's brother just come up from Texas.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Abigail's brother?

[Shorty the Barber]

Yeah, yeah, he's up here to his dangerous sister. He say he gonna bring Andy back to her, dead or alive.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Holy smokes. Charlie, what does this fella look like?

[Shorty the Barber]

Well, he's 6 foot 2 and he's carrying a gun. The rest of his appearance ain't nothing to worry about.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Oh, this is awful, Shorty. If a fella's gonna Start pumping bullets. In the end I'm gonna be out of range. I don't wanna catch the overflow. You know,

[Shorty the Barber]

we gotta act fast, Kingfish, to save Andy.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Well, listen, Shorty. When a man comes to town with a gun, everybody for himself. And I was telling Andy that today that I is dropping the kiss. That's what I do. You will? Yeah. How you gonna stop a man from shooting Andy?

[Shorty the Barber]

Well, I remember once a fellow was gonna shoot me and I stopped him.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

You did shot him? Oh, yeah. Well, how'd you do it?

[Shorty the Barber]

Well, he walked up to me and he put a gun in my stomach. And I said, wait a minute. You can't shoot me. The police will catch you. I said, you can't shoot me. The FBI will track you down. I said, you can't shoot me. Everybody will hear the noise and you go. Go to jail.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

What did he do?

[Shorty the Barber]

He know he couldn't shoot me. He realized that he shot me. He would he know that it was a mistake to pull the trigger. Up he went. He left. He ran down. He stabbed me.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Come in, Andy. Come in. What you want with me, Andy?

[Andy Brown]

Well, Kingfish, old pal, I done gone change shirts. Now how about us going up to Abigail's and straightin out that mess with that poor defenseless woman.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Uh, did I hear you say us?

[Andy Brown]

I said how about us going?

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Andy, you is us in there and you should be eyes in there.

[Andy Brown]

Uh, we is going, ain't we?

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Oh, hold it now. We is wheezing at me here.

[Andy Brown]

Listen, I don't understand.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Now you got the right word. I and Afina just stick to that I stuff.

[Andy Brown]

What you mean I? You mean I was going up there by myself?

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Did you ever hear of the Lone Ranger?

[Andy Brown]

Yeah.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Well, when you goes up there, you ain't gonna have no more people with you than he got. That's what he.

[Andy Brown]

Listen, Kingfish. Why is it that all of a sudden you was backing out of this thing?

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Well, Andy, to give it to you straight from the shoulder. A looted.45 has just arrived in town with Abigail's brother on the other end of it.

[Andy Brown]

Abigail's brother is in town?

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Yeah. And as I understand it, the gentleman is out to give you a lead transfusion.

[Andy Brown]

Oh, me after me with a gun, huh? What was I gonna do? But wait a minute here. I as a man. And after all, he is only a man too.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Now you're talking, isn't there? It's a man to man thing.

[Andy Brown]

You said it. Yes, sir. Hand me my coat, Kingfish. I'm gonna do something about this good.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

What you gonna do?

[Andy Brown]

Get back in the basement.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Hold it and hold it. No give. I've been thinking here. You can't run from this fellow leg. Just. If he don't get you, he liable come around here and pop me being an accessor to the crime and all that stuff. Yeah, he bound to find you sooner or later.

[Andy Brown]

Yeah, I guess you're right.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Now, look, Andy, when Abigail's brother got here, I was to tell him that you had suddenly passed on. The only thing he could do to go back down Texas, that old left for him, see?

[Andy Brown]

Yeah, that sounds good, all right. But wait a minute. Ain't he gonna wonder about the funeral ceremony and all that business?

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Yeah, well, now, wait a minute. I got that covered too. Here, let's see. Yeah, I'll tell him that we done shipped you back to your family plot in England. That's what I tell him.

[Andy Brown]

England.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Yeah.

[Andy Brown]

Yeah, that's a great dear. Tell you what, I'll stay in the cellar while you explain the whole thing to him.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Oh, yeah, Andy, you see there? I was always right in there thinking for you.

[Andy Brown]

Boy, you sure is kingfish. You know, if you didn't have such a brilliant mind, I'd never get out of these messes that you get me into.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

I look like a genuine moon, all right, with this black arm band on this lily in my lap head here. Now, the thing for me to do. Yes, Ms. LaRue?

[Charmaine (Kingfish's secretary)]

Abigail's brother, Mr. Harris Simpson, is out here to see you.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Yeah? Well, have him come in right away. Right away. Come in, sir. Come in. Pardon my weeping here, but just can't control my motions. A few verse add to thee.

[Harry Simpson (Abigail's brother)]

Well, I'm Abigail Simpson, brother from down in Texas, and I want to see Andrew Brown.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

You want to see Andrew Brown?

[Andy Brown]

Mm.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Well, I was afraid you A little lid. You see, at these funerals, after they nail down the lid, they don't run no second show, you know. Well, to give it to you as briefly as possible, the Grim Reaper done come by and it was harvest time for Andy. Oh, it's a sad thing, all right. One of nature's noblemen has gone to his last reward. Oh, in short, the bum is dead.

[Harry Simpson (Abigail's brother)]

Well, this here is all news to me. And I know my sister Abigail ain't heard about it neither. Wasn't it awful sudden?

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Well, it usually is when you get run over by a steamroller.

[Harry Simpson (Abigail's brother)]

Yeah, a steamroller?

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Yeah, when I picked him up, you could have cut a cake with him. Oh, yeah, he really got pressed into that payment. Was it Back instead. Slow down to 35 miles an hour.

[Harry Simpson (Abigail's brother)]

Well, wait a minute, sir. If Andrew Brown has passed on, how come my sister wasn't notified? She's his wife.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Yeah, well, I think I can explain that to you too. Just give me a minute, sir.

[Harry Simpson (Abigail's brother)]

Well, start explaining.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Yeah, well, I guess you didn't notice, but actor Lander Brown, original coming from England, what they call a natural born Great Britain agency. It was always his wish to be led away in the family plot in the fatherland. And seeing that the Queen Mary was sailing tonight, we had to kind of rush up to festivities. Get him on board sometimes, you know what I mean?

[Harry Simpson (Abigail's brother)]

You mean he was hit by the steamroller and is now on the boat to England all in one day?

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Oh, yeah, we had to work fast. Boy stopped breathing at 4 o' clock this afternoon. By quarter five we already had a tuxedo on. Then we strapped him on the back of a taxi cab and he went out five minutes ago with the rip tied on the Queen Mary.

[Harry Simpson (Abigail's brother)]

Well, I know my sister's gonna take this awful hard. Especially on account of she missed the services.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Yeah, well, I tell you, if she hurries, why, she must get down to the dock in time to weep into the backwash. The boy just going out that night.

[Harry Simpson (Abigail's brother)]

Well, I don't know what to say. With her husband gone, I guess the best thing to do is for me to take my sister Abigail on back home to Texas.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Yeah, that's the best thing all right. Yeah, let her do a morning and groaning among friends. Well, so long, partner. When you get back to Texas, say hello to Mr. And Mrs. Panhandle for me, will you? Well, Abigail's brother and fell for that story this afternoon. Not untold Lander. He's in declare. Well, I guess they finally got out of this mess.

[Andy Brown]

Hey, Kingfish, I gotta see you right away.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Now, calm down, Andy. I told you that I done convinced Abigail's brother that you was dead and hadn't been shipped back to England.

[Andy Brown]

Yeah, I know that. But about an hour ago, I sneaked out to get something to eat. I was walking under a street light when I heard somebody behind me say, Andy. Andy. I recognized Abigail's voice, so I ducked in the alley. When the coast was clear, I started running.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Holy smokes. Andy, did she get a good look at you?

[Andy Brown]

Well, it was dark, but she seed me from the back. All right, Call me Kingfish. What's gonna happen now?

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Well, when Abigail brother finds out that she sees you. You know something?

[Andy Brown]

What's that?

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

The next time I tell that story about you being dead. You might be laying there to back me up. You know,

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[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Andy, let's get on in here to see Calhoun the lawyer and get the legal angle on what is about this situation here.

[Andy Brown]

Yeah, well, I hope he can do something.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Calhoun, I gotta see you right away.

[Andy Brown]

Yeah, I had some awful trouble, Calhoun.

[Shorty the Barber]

Well, put your eyes back in your head there and tell me what it's all about.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

I tell you, Calhoun, Abigail's brother's in town and he's trying to fool their aunt to stay married to Abigail.

[Shorty the Barber]

Well, he can't do it. We'll tell him it's against the Constitution.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Yeah, against the Constitution.

[Shorty the Barber]

I'll guarantee that whole water.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Yeah, but Andy actually went through the ceremony.

[Shorty the Barber]

Our defense is still watertight.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Her brother is carrying a loaded.45.

[Shorty the Barber]

We just sprung a deep.

[Andy Brown]

Well. Listen, the trouble is, Calhoun the Kingfish unconvinced of I was dead, but last night Abigail seed me on the street.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Mm, she did, huh?

[Shorty the Barber]

Well, the thing to do is to make this sound like what we call a seesaw case.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

A seesaw case?

[Shorty the Barber]

Yeah, make them think they didn't see what they saw when they saw it. See,

[Andy Brown]

yeah, that's the general idea, but I don't know how I gonna do it. Oh, I tell you, Calhoun, I couldn't get in more trouble if I was twins, you know.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Well, the thing is. Say, wait a minute. Twins.

[Shorty the Barber]

I think that's the angle we need. Maybe you could convince Abigail and her brother that she see Andy's twin on the street.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Yeah, but the only thing is, everybody know Andy got no twin. How we gonna tell him got?

[Shorty the Barber]

Well, just say. Just say he's the twin brother who been living out of town.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Yeah, yeah, Yeah, I done already told a brother that Ann the original come from England. That we could say that his twin brother just come over here from England for the funeral.

[Shorty the Barber]

And that's the thing. Boy, your head is thinning out at last. Now you getting the thing.

[Andy Brown]

You know, I think we got something here.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Yeah, and Abigail only got a quick look at you in the dark when you ducked up the alley. Yeah, we could glue a phony beard on you, Andy, and that would cut down the resemblance a little, you see.

[Shorty the Barber]

Yeah. And that'll throw them plumb off the track and they'll go back to Texas.

[Andy Brown]

Yeah, but wait a minute here. I was just thinking. Suppose when I goes up to that hotel with my disguise on, did he see through the thing and shoots me anyway?

[Shorty the Barber]

Well, if he do shoot you, you ain't got nothing to worry about, Andy.

[Andy Brown]

Nothing to worry about.

[Shorty the Barber]

No, you see, he won't be shooting you. He'd be shooting your twin brother from Eng.

[Andy Brown]

This show is some big hotel Abigail's staying at Ginger.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Yeah, I called up and told her that we was coming. Her apartment right down the hall here, 201.

[Andy Brown]

Yeah, I sure hope she believed the story about me being my twin brother.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Well, you ain't got nothing to worry about, Anna. With that monocle in your eye and that Van Dyke beard glued on you there, you really look like Englishman. Now turn around, let me see you there.

[Andy Brown]

All right.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Oh, yeah, that's really a thing you got on there. Got that tickled chin, don't it?

[Andy Brown]

Yes, I can hardly stand it.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Yeah, you look just like you just got off the boat from Liverpool, you know that?

[Andy Brown]

I sure hope I look, I got off of some boat.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Yeah. Now, I tell you what I gonna do here already. Here, let me see. You got the black river running from the monocle. Everything all right? All right. Now I tell you what, I gonna ring the bell, okay? Now remember, Diana, everything I done told you and we done rehearsed together, just keep that in your head.

[Andy Brown]

Yeah, I know.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Now show her that you was really from England.

[Andy Brown]

Yeah.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

You know, you might even drop in names like Noel Coward, the King of England, and Winsome Churchill and all them fellas, you know.

[Andy Brown]

Yeah, that's good. Yeah.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Hey, wait a minute. Wait a minute. I hear that fat rhinoceros clapping down the hall now.

[Abigail Simpson]

Oh. Oh, it's you, Mr. Stevens. Come in. It's so nice of you to come over doing my sorrow.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Oh, not at all, Abigail. Not at all. Allow me the privilege and extinction of introducing Reginald Brown from England. Genuine twin brother of your late dad decreed husband.

[Abigail Simpson]

Oh, how do you do?

[Andy Brown]

Uh, pip pip, tally ho and jolly glad to meet you, Governor.

[Abigail Simpson]

You must excuse me for crying. I just can't help it. You look so much like Andy.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Yes, yes, agree with you there, Agree with you. Reggie here and his late brother always looked alike. Ain't that right, Reggie?

[Andy Brown]

Oh, yeah. Why, we look so much alike. When we was kids, half the time even I didn't know who I was.

[Abigail Simpson]

Mr. Brown, there's so many questions I want to ask you about your brother. Won't you sit down?

[Andy Brown]

Oh, yeah, yeah, Be happy to. What is this I'm sitting on here?

[Abigail Simpson]

Oh, that's just my brother's gun. He's so careless with it. Let me have it. I'll take it in the other room and give it to you.

[Andy Brown]

No, no, no, no. I prefer sitting on it here. It's old English custom.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

I'll sit over here on the baseball bat. I'll see you right there.

[Andy Brown]

That's the jolly thing to do, all right.

[Abigail Simpson]

You know, Mr. Brown, I just can't understand it. You don't have no English accent at all. It's hard to believe that you is from England.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Well, now, I tell you what, I can explain that to you how he dropped accent, all that stuff too. Now, you see, he from England, all right, and he love it over there, too.

[Andy Brown]

Oh, yeah, we got a great country over there.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Oh, yeah.

[Andy Brown]

I'm going to tell you something else, too. This fellow, an old card, is the best king we ever had.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

You will have to excuse Reggie here. That's the trouble with being a twin, you only get a half a brain. You see what I mean? Well, now, certainly nice to see you over here and we appreciate your hospitality and all that stuff. But, Reggie, we done paid our respects to your brother's widow. And I know this is tea time, so say ta ta to the woman. Let's blow her at a place.

[Andy Brown]

Yeah, okay. Goodbye, Abigail. Or as we say in jolly old England, Bonjour, senorita.

[Abigail Simpson]

Oh, Mr. Brown, before you go, I got a snapshot of Andy in the bedroom. I think you ought to have it. I'll go right and get it.

[Andy Brown]

Yeah, yeah, go ahead, girl.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Oh, Andy, this is great, just great. You know, this twin brother stuff done went over. Say, look like you was in the clear, boy.

[Andy Brown]

Oh, yeah. You know, I think. Hey, Kingfish, look. Abigail must wear a hairpiece. See it laying down there on the floor there?

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Look at that. Yeah, that's a good. Hey, wait a minute, Andy, that's your beard. Holy smoke, my beard I hear her coming back. Hurry up. Put this thing back on.

[Andy Brown]

Oh, me?

[Abigail Simpson]

Well, I told my brother and. Why, Mr. Brown, your beard. Why, you. You are Andy. Brother Harry, come on out here and hold the doors. Handy's here. I found my husband.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Handy, head for the door.

[Andy Brown]

I ain't messing with no door. Stand back.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Hey, go out the window.

[Abigail Simpson]

Somebody stop if he's getting away again.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Grab him.

[Charmaine (Kingfish's secretary)]

Grab him.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Grab. Say, King says, I guess my Nandi jumped through that window. He was really moving, huh? Oh, I say he was, Amos. He was moving faster than the woman going after a box of Rinso.

[Announcer/Narrator]

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[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Well, I don't know where Andy is, so I'll say good night, folks. See you next Sunday.

[Announcer/Narrator]

Be sure to be with us next Sunday at the same time when Lever Brothers company, the makers of new Rinso with Solium, will again present the Amos and Andy Show.

[Harry Simpson (Abigail's brother)]

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[Announcer/Narrator]

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[Harry Simpson (Abigail's brother)]

Remember, there's not just one or two,

[Announcer/Narrator]

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[Harry Simpson (Abigail's brother)]

doctors have found bottom.

[Announcer/Narrator]

Lifebuoy protects you all over, gives you top 24 hour security. Get Lifebuoy right away. Be sure to listen to the Amos and Andy show at this same time next Sunday. This is cbs, the Columbia Broadcasting System.

[Liberty Mutual Spokesperson (possibly a female voice)]

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[Liberty Mutual Spokesperson (possibly a male voice)]

Hey everyone, check out this guy and his bird. What is this, your first date?

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Oh, no.

[Liberty Mutual Spokesperson (possibly a female voice)]

We help people customize and save on car insurance with Liberty Mutual together. We're married. Me to a human, him to a bird.

[Liberty Mutual Spokesperson (possibly a male voice)]

Yeah, the bird looks out of your

[Liberty Mutual Spokesperson (possibly a female voice)]

league anyways, only pay for what you [e-mail] Liberty.

[Liberty Mutual Spokesperson (possibly a male voice)]

Liberty. Liberty. Liberty.

[Ryan / Tyler Reddick (Chumba Casino spokesperson)]

Tyler Reddick here from 2311 Racing.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Another checkered flag for the books. Time to celebrate with Chumba. Jump [e-mail]. let's Chumba.

[Ryan / Tyler Reddick (Chumba Casino spokesperson)]

No purchase necessary BTW group void where prohibited by law. CTNC21+ sponsored by Chumba Casino.