Amos And Andy - Rejuvenation Beauty Salon Of Paris

Summary

Podcast Summary

Podcast: Harold's Old Time Radio
Episode: Amos And Andy – Rejuvenation Beauty Salon Of Paris
Original Air Date: March 28, 2026
Episode Duration: Approximately 33 minutes (content summary: skips ads/announcements)

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Overview

This episode of "Amos & Andy" centers on the Kingfish's latest scheme—starting the "Rejuvenation Beauty Salon of Paris." Driven by the town's interest in looking young and beautiful, especially among the women, Kingfish partners with Andy to launch a dubious beauty salon, after conning a customer into paying for treatments. As predictable mishaps ensue, the plot becomes a classic comedy of errors, involving a dangerous homemade hair treatment, legal threats, and plenty of social satire.

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Key Discussion Points & Episode Breakdown

1. Introduction: Beauty Craze Hits the Neighborhood

[00:35–02:16]

• Sapphire, Kingfish's wife, is excited about a beauty salon promising youth and attractiveness, wishing George (Kingfish) would pay for her to get a treatment.
• Kingfish jokes about Sapphire's age and appearance, establishing the theme of vanity and marital banter.
• Quote:
  • Sapphire: “What would you say if I come home someday looking like I did when I was 25?”
  • Kingfish (joking): “Well, I’d say the same thing I said then, honey—you gotta do something about that fear.” [01:44]

2. Social Commentary on Beauty and Aging

[02:27–04:01]

• Henry Van Forder joins and the men discuss how women are obsessed with staying young, poking fun at their wives’ beauty regimens and failed exercise attempts.
• Notable joke about ballet—which ends with the curtain coming down because the dancers can't get up after the “dying swan.”
• Quote:
  • Henry: “None of them women is able to get up off the floor.” [04:01]

3. Launching the Beauty Parlor Scam

[04:14–07:27]

• Mr. Livingston comes looking for the French-sounding salon, and Kingfish claims to own the superior salon, introducing “Andre” (Andy) as a French stylist—who can neither speak French nor English well.
• They take $50 from Mr. Livingston for his wife’s treatments.
• Quote:
  • Kingfish: “Well, he don’t speak French neither...he always hung out with the Swedish crowd.”
    Andy (as ‘Andre’): “Smorgasbord.” [06:10–06:17]
• Andy and Kingfish celebrate the windfall, hopeful for cosmetic stardom.

4. Prepping the Salon and Acquiring Supplies

[09:29–12:08]

• Kingfish and Andy consult Shorty, a barber, about beauty equipment and products.
• Shorty provides them with a dubious “concoction” supposedly good for women’s hair, but originally a mix of unmarked jars.
• Quote:
  • Shorty: “I got an idea that if I put them all together into one great big salve, something might come out.”
    Kingfish: “Something did come out—the woman’s hair. Yeah, and I’m in trouble.” [20:52–21:02]

5. First (and Only) Client: Mrs. Livingston's Appointment

[12:46–17:07]

• Mrs. Livingston arrives for her treatment; comedy ensues as Kingfish and Andy “diagnose” her need for weight loss and beauty treatment, using slapstick routines about scales and hair products.
• They apply Shorty’s concoction to her hair despite it causing a burning sensation.
• Memorable Exchange:
  • Mrs. Livingston: “I can feel a burning sensation on my scalp already.”
    Andy: “I can feel it on my hands, too.” [16:22–16:26]

6. The Fallout: Legal Trouble Brews

[17:46–21:02]

• Mr. Livingston angrily calls: his wife is losing handfuls of hair and he threatens legal action, planning to bring the District Attorney.
• Kingfish tries to transfer the ownership of the business to Andy to avoid responsibility in a comical “gift of the business” scene.

7. Legal Advice and Lucky Break

[24:29–26:23]

• Kingfish and Andy visit their lawyer, Stonewall, who examines the jar and discovers the label—“use at your own risk”—which legally absolves them of liability.
• Quote:
  • Stonewall: “You ain’t got nothing to worry about. Cause it says on the label here, it says, ‘use at your own risk.’ That puts you in the clear.” [25:52–25:59]

8. Resolution and Final Twist

[27:11–27:53]

• Kingfish learns Sapphire received a jar of the hair salve from Mrs. Livingston and already used it, setting up a final comic predicament.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On women's beauty regimens:

  • Henry: “None of them women is able to get up off the floor.” [04:01]

• French impostor gag:

  • Kingfish: “He don’t speak French neither...always hung out with the Swedish crowd.”
    Andy: “Smorgasbord.” [06:10–06:17]

• Failed beauty treatment:

  • Mrs. Livingston: “I can feel a burning sensation on my scalp already.”
    Andy: “I can feel it on my hands, too.” [16:22–16:26]

• Legal loophole revelation:

  • Stonewall: “...‘use at your own risk.’ That puts you in the clear.” [25:59]

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Timestamps for Major Segments

• 00:35–01:52: Sapphire discusses the Rejuvenation Beauty Salon
• 02:27–04:01: Jokes about women’s desire to stay young
• 04:26–07:27: Kingfish cons Mr. Livingston and sets up the business
• 09:29–11:39: Consulting Shorty and sourcing the “beauty” product
• 12:54–17:14: Mrs. Livingston receives her disastrous beauty treatment
• 17:46–21:02: Fallout and Kingfish tries to escape responsibility
• 24:29–26:23: Visit to Lawyer Stonewall and solution found
• 27:11–27:53: Sapphire reveals she’s used the dangerous hair cream

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Tone & Style Notes

• The episode maintains its classic, rapid-fire banter, relying on misunderstandings, wordplay, and exaggerated satire regarding vanity and get-rich-quick schemes.
• The humor, typical for the era, weaves in physical comedy (even in audio) and topical references to beauty fads, marital relationships, and legal wrangling.
• Ensemble dynamics are strong, each character playing familiar archetypes with warm camaraderie and mischief.

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Conclusion

This episode is a hallmark of "Amos & Andy," blending social satire with slapstick and scheming. Kingfish and Andy’s attempts to capitalize on the beauty craze, their gross incompetence, and comic self-preservation turn a simple business venture into an escalating farce. Despite the absurdity, a well-timed legal technicality saves the protagonists—though not before plenty of laughs and a final gag that suggests more trouble at home. The show captures the charm and structure of Golden Age radio comedy, remaining engaging for listeners even decades later.

Transcript

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[Andy]

Amos and andy. Today a very enticing ad appeared in the local paper telling about the new Rejuvenation Beauty Salon of Paris, which is opening just a few doors from the lodge hall. The kingfisher's wife, Sapphire, saw the ad and at this moment is on the phone discussing it with one of her friends.

[Sapphire]

Yes, Emily, the ads say they make you younger looking and more attractive too. I sure wish George would give me enough money to take the beauty treatment. Wait a minute. I hear him putting the key in the door now. Goodbye, Emily.

[Kingfish (George)]

Oh, dear. Well, hello there, honey. How is you?

[Sapphire]

Oh, fine. Say, George, tell me, how would you. Would you like to have a real attractive wife?

[Kingfish (George)]

Well, it certainly would be nice. But I was married to you,

[Sapphire]

George, I'm talking about myself. I know a new beauty shop that guarantees to make you look 15 years younger. What would you say if I come home someday looking like I did when I was 25?

[Kingfish (George)]

Well, I'd say the same thing I said then, honey, you gotta do something about that fear.

[Sapphire]

George, I ain't even got a job. Wrinkle cream.

[Kingfish (George)]

Wrinkle cream. What you want to put that on for? You loaded with wrinkles? No.

[Sapphire]

And another thing, George. When a woman gets along towards 40, she's got to help nature. For one thing, I gotta touch up my gray hair.

[Kingfish (George)]

Gray hair? You wouldn't hear me complaining if a few gray hairs growed in.

[Sapphire]

From where I'm standing, you ought to be happy if any color hair growed in.

[Kingfish (George)]

Well, I had my hair cut this way special. See, when I get in the. Send you at the barbershop. I figure that if this side catches on fire, I got a fire break in the middle here. Ain't going over there. Wait a minute. I'll answer the door. I'll answer. Well, Henry Van Forder. Come in.

[Henry Van Forder]

Just passing by, folks. How are you, Sapphire?

[Sapphire]

Hello, Henry. Sit down. I'm going back in the kitchen and get busy.

[Henry Van Forder]

Well, it sounds like you and Sapphire just had a little tiff. I hope there was no slugging no,

[Kingfish (George)]

Henry, I'm a wife is talking about looking old.

[Henry Van Forder]

Well, I think she looks old enough as she is.

[Kingfish (George)]

Well, my wife wants to go to some beauty parlor and get her gray hair fixed up. Haven't work on affairs, no less, though.

[Henry Van Forder]

Yes, they all want to stay young looking. My wife feels that outdoor exercise is the way to do it. Every morning for the past three, she goes around the bridal path of Central park for a brisk canter. It takes her about three hours.

[Kingfish (George)]

Three hours? I know somebody that made a complete loop on the bridal path in about 20 minutes.

[Henry Van Forder]

Well, my wife could too, if she had a horse.

[Kingfish (George)]

Well, the whole business of women trying to keep young and beautiful is really something, ain't it, Henry?

[Henry Van Forder]

It sure is. And that reminds me, I've got to run along and pick up my wife at the dancing school. She's attending the class in the ballet.

[Kingfish (George)]

Oh, your wife going in for ballet, huh?

[Henry Van Forder]

Well, all the women go there to lose weight. I saw a rehearsal for one of their dance recitals and they're doing the dance of the dying swan.

[Kingfish (George)]

Yeah, that ought to be pretty.

[Henry Van Forder]

Well, the ballet shows how the swans die and fall to the floor and then come to life again. But in this version, though, they plan to lower the curtain after the swan dies.

[Kingfish (George)]

Why is that?

[Henry Van Forder]

None of them women is able to get up off the floor.

[Kingfish (George)]

Well, let me sit down here at the large hall desk here and see if I can't put a cesspool or something on some of the members and get some money coming into place here. Who in the world could that be? Come in.

[Mr. Livingston]

How do you do? My name is Livingston. I'm looking for the Rejuvenation Beauty Salon of Paris.

[Kingfish (George)]

Yeah, yeah. Where is that place? I'll look it up in the phone book for you.

[Mr. Livingston]

I have things around this neighborhood somewhere.

[Kingfish (George)]

Rejuvenation. Rejuvenation. Let me get over to the reuse here. Beauty salon, huh?

[Mr. Livingston]

Yes, I'm planning to buy my wife a course of beauty treatments for $50.

[Kingfish (George)]

$50? Funny thing how you come in our beauty shop here looking for another beauty shop, ain't it?

[Mr. Livingston]

Oh, is this a beauty shop, too?

[Kingfish (George)]

Oh, certainly. This is just the office here. Oh, now I recall that other place you was looking for.

[Mr. Livingston]

Tell me, is that place any good?

[Kingfish (George)]

Well, it's not our policy to knock our competitors, but we sometimes refer to them politely as that second rate joint down the block. You know what I mean?

[Mr. Livingston]

Yes, yes, my wife seemed to like the name of the other place because it was French. Do you have a French Hairdresser.

[Kingfish (George)]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. He was born and raised right in France. Yeah. Wait a minute. I see him coming down the hall now. His name is Andre.

[Mr. Livingston]

Oh, I'd like to talk to him. I'd really like to talk to him about doing my wife's work.

[Kingfish (George)]

Yeah, well, he only speaks two words of English. Come in, Andre.

[Andy]

Hi, Kingfish.

[Kingfish (George)]

Send me the two words. Yeah. Mr. Livingston, I'd like to have you meet Andre, the world's foremost French rejuvenator.

[Mr. Livingston]

How do you do, Andrew?

[Kingfish (George)]

He don't speak English, you see.

[Mr. Livingston]

Well, Poly vous France. Yes, Paul.

[Kingfish (George)]

Well, he don't speak French neither. You see, even though he lived in France, he always hung out with the Swedish crowd. Swedish? Didn't you, Andre?

[Andy]

Smorgasbord.

[Kingfish (George)]

Pardon me. Pardon me, Musa, but Andre here is a little confused. You don't mind if I talk to him in Swedish, do you?

[Mr. Livingston]

No, no, go right ahead.

[Kingfish (George)]

Say, Andre, just. I g. Will pay $55 for UD Bay treatment. Smorgasbord.

[Andy]

Smorgasbord.

[Gabriel]

Right.

[Kingfish (George)]

Well, now, mister, it's all settled. Just give me the $50 and you have your wife coming tomorrow when we officially open and we'll go to work on her. We opens at noon.

[Mr. Livingston]

All right, here's the money. I'll have her come in. May I have a receipt?

[Kingfish (George)]

Oh, yes, yes. I receive. Right. Right out here. Receive the $50. I'll just initial debt.

[Mr. Livingston]

Thank you. She'll be here tomorrow.

[Kingfish (George)]

Goodbye, Andre.

[Andy]

Viva. Smoker's board.

[Kingfish (George)]

Oh, did you hear that, Andy? We is in the money. Boy, we better go out and get some equipment and stuff. Cause we gonna start working on that woman tomorrow.

[Andy]

Is we supposed to be running a beauty saloon here?

[Kingfish (George)]

Yeah.

[Andy]

Yeah.

[Kingfish (George)]

And who can tell, Andy? We might become a famous beauty and cosmetic place. Just like that fella out in Hollywood, Max Fracture.

[Gabriel]

Oh, yeah.

[Andy]

This is great, you know.

[Kingfish (George)]

Oh, look at that. 50 bucks.

[Gabriel]

Andy, you know we is in the money. It's gonna be a great

[Shorty]

day.

[Gabriel]

When you're down and out Lift up your head and shout there's gonna be a great day. Hallelujah, brother angels sky promise that by and by we gonna have a great day. You know that Gabriel will warn you some early morn you will hear his horn. Rudy Tooty, it's not far away. Hold up your hands and say there's gonna be a great day. Hallelujah. When the skies were dark came Noah's ark. Amen. When the lion Daniel's Lord. Amen. Lord help those who pray. And on Judgment day, if you believe he will receive. Amen. Gabriel will warn you some early morning you will hear his horn. It's not far away. Hold up your hands. Say, there's gonna be a great shouting by the congregation. Happiness and jubilation while anticipation on that morn. That's gonna be a great, great.

[Kingfish (George)]

Well, Come on, Andy, let's go into Shorty's barbershop here and see if we can get some information.

[Andy]

Yeah, we gotta find out what kind of stuff to use in our beauty shop.

[Kingfish (George)]

Well, hi, Shorty.

[Shorty]

Well, if it ain't my two pack.

[Kingfish (George)]

Hiya, fellas.

[Andy]

Say, Shorty, we done gone into business. What is the main equipment you gotta have for a successful beauty parlor?

[Shorty]

Well, the first thing you got to get is a big. What you got to have is one of the. What you really need is when you get women.

[Kingfish (George)]

One of the things we want specialize in is making the hair beautiful.

[Shorty]

Yeah. Well, I read in the beauty magazine that egg shampoo was the best thing for the scalp and hair. So this morning I brought down some eggs and Mr. Van Porter come in and I gave him a wonderful egg shampoo. I used three eggs on his hair?

[Andy]

Yeah. How'd it work?

[Shorty]

I thought it worked fine. But when Mr. Van Porter walked out, he said his hair felt a little lumpy. Next time I'm only going to boil there. May sweat three minutes.

[Kingfish (George)]

Well, we gonna try to make a lot of money, Shorty, I'm trying to

[Shorty]

get more business myself. And I'll give a special combination. A shave, a haircut, a shampoo, a massage and shoe shine for 25 cents.

[Andy]

Well, how can you do that without losing money?

[Shorty]

Well, I've been pretty lucky. So far I ain't had no customers.

[Kingfish (George)]

Tell me this. If you got any cream or something for a woman's gray hair.

[Gabriel]

Gray hair?

[Shorty]

Oh, say, wait a minute, fellas. I got a dozen jars of a concoction back here. I'm pretty sure that it's made for a woman's hair. Well, why don't you try it? It might be just a thing. It's got everything in it. You can have it for nothing.

[Andy]

Oh, that's great, Shorty. We'll take it and use it on the woman's head.

[Shorty]

Here you is, boy. It's all yours.

[Kingfish (George)]

Yeah. Now, suppose we want to get some more of this stuff. Where can we get it?

[Shorty]

Well, the fella that makes the SAP, he used to mix it up in that building next to the fish market on the corner. But he had to move.

[Andy]

Why'd they have to move? Couldn't he stand the smell of the fish.

[Shorty]

The fish market couldn't stand the smell of the salve.

[Kingfish (George)]

Andy, this reading room here at the large hall really look like a beauty parlor, don't it?

[Andy]

Yeah. Where'd you get that barber's chair at?

[Kingfish (George)]

Well, there's an old dentist chair that I borrowed from the junk man. And I got a looking glass on the wall there, bathroom scales on the floor and these jars of salve all lined up for the hair.

[Andy]

How does this long white coat look on me?

[Kingfish (George)]

Oh, you look like a French beautician. Just don't turn around to the back to the woman so she'll see that word Texaco. That's all you gotta watch out.

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[Kingfish (George)]

Wait a minute. Actually. Come now. Everything look all right? Come in. How do you do? Welcome to Mademoiselle's Beauty saloon.

[Mrs. Livingston]

I am Mrs. Livingston.

[Kingfish (George)]

Oh, fine. Ms. Livingston, I'd like to introduce Mademoiselle Andre.

[Gabriel]

Oui, oui, how do you do?

[Mrs. Livingston]

I think I have an appointment.

[Kingfish (George)]

Yeah, well now let me look at my appointment book here. Let's see here. 12 o', clock, Duchess of Winchester nose jack up or just sagging jowls and general chassis work. Uh huh.

[Andy]

I gotta get lunch before I start

[Kingfish (George)]

on that one o'. Clock. Lady Windrust me a facial lubrication. 2000 mile checkup. Uh huh.

[Mrs. Livingston]

Well, I'm sure my husband made an appointment for me.

[Kingfish (George)]

Yeah, my book is so jammed up here. You see, we is always busy between Yuletide and Christmas.

[Gabriel]

Ah,

[Kingfish (George)]

Mademoiselle Andre here. Don't you. Do you think we could squeeze Ms. Livingston in while we're waiting for Lady Windersmere?

[Andy]

Well, we can squeeze her in for time, but from the size of her, we're going to have a lot of trouble squeezing her in that chair.

[Kingfish (George)]

Well now, what is your problem, Ms. Livingston?

[Mrs. Livingston]

Well, first of all, I've been putting on a little weight.

[Kingfish (George)]

Well, I don't see how. If you get any more, I don't know where you're going to put it.

[Gabriel]

Yeah.

[Andy]

How much do you weigh now?

[Mrs. Livingston]

Well, I guess it's somewhere between 125 and 150. I lost track of it.

[Andy]

Yeah, well, if you ever want to find it, look between 250 and 300.

[Kingfish (George)]

Andrea, maybe we could have Ms. Livingston step on the scales here and get her weight.

[Andy]

I don't think the scales go up that high.

[Kingfish (George)]

Well, maybe we can weigh her one foot at a time.

[Andy]

Yeah, or get another scales. Let her stand with one foot on each one.

[Kingfish (George)]

Well, let's try it anyway. Ms. Livingston, step right up on the scale.

[Mrs. Livingston]

Might small, but I'm anxious to see what the scales say.

[Kingfish (George)]

Yeah, well, with your stomach, when you get up there, if you can't look around curves, you better not look down. You ain't going to see nothing.

[Andy]

Yeah, step right up there, Ms. Livingston.

[Mrs. Livingston]

All right.

[Kingfish (George)]

Where did the hand stop, Andrew?

[Andy]

I think it flew out the window.

[Mrs. Livingston]

Well, I tell you, I'm very anxious to lose weight.

[Kingfish (George)]

Well, now, the first thing I do, I would cut down on my starches.

[Andy]

Yeah. Don't eat but one box a day.

[Sapphire]

Well, do you think I ought to

[Mrs. Livingston]

cut down on my calories?

[Kingfish (George)]

No, no, eat all the calories you want just so you don't fry them. That's all you.

[Andy]

That's right. Calories ain't fattening. I had a half a dozen of them for supper last night.

[Kingfish (George)]

Ms. Livingston, we'll give you some reducing tablets next time we see you.

[Mrs. Livingston]

Well, now, I'm especially anxious to have you work on my hair. You can see I'm getting prematurely gray.

[Andy]

Yeah, well, have a seat in the chair here and we'll give you a treatment.

[Kingfish (George)]

Yeah, sit down there. That's it. Now, Andrew, let's. Let's look at the scalp here and see what the situation is. Hold still there, Ms. Livingston. Mm. Got a bunch of follicles. All right.

[Andy]

Is they moving around?

[Gabriel]

No, no, no.

[Kingfish (George)]

I mean hair follicles. Oh.

[Mrs. Livingston]

Say, do you think you could change my gray hair?

[Kingfish (George)]

Andrew? Gonna work on it right now.

[Andy]

Yeah. Hand me that special hair stuff.

[Gabriel]

Yeah.

[Kingfish (George)]

Here he is, Andrew.

[Andy]

Now, I'll put a gob of it right here on the part there. Then I'll work it in all over your knob. Yeah, that's it.

[Kingfish (George)]

Yeah, rub it in good there. Oh, this is really a secret formula you was getting. Andre here won't even tell me what's in it.

[Mrs. Livingston]

Well, I can feel a burning sensation on my scalp already.

[Andy]

I can feel it on my hands, too.

[Kingfish (George)]

Oh, wonderful ointment. Ain't no Fly in this stuff.

[Mrs. Livingston]

But do you think this will make my hair curly?

[Andy]

It might. I notice one of my fingernails is curling up here.

[Kingfish (George)]

How's it coming, Andrew?

[Andy]

Well, there he is. I think that does it.

[Mrs. Livingston]

My scalp is really burning.

[Kingfish (George)]

Well, now, that proves the follicles ain't dead. I would say the operation pigs are.

[Mrs. Livingston]

Do I leave this on tonight?

[Andy]

Oh, sure. I'd even put more on. Rub some on your pillow too.

[Kingfish (George)]

Oh, and by the way, Ms. Livingston, here's a couple of jars of the stuff. Take it along with you. Give it to some of your friends. Maybe they'd like to come down for some treatments too.

[Mrs. Livingston]

Oh, thank you so much. When should I come again?

[Kingfish (George)]

Well, cool your head off and come back in three days. Just give the stuff time to work.

[Mrs. Livingston]

Thank you so much. Goodbye, gentlemen.

[Kingfish (George)]

Goodbye.

[Andy]

Say, Kingfish,

[Kingfish (George)]

What is this?

[Andy]

Look here. Look at the hair on the back of my hands where that stuff has been.

[Kingfish (George)]

Hmm. That give me an idea. This stuff might be a great brushless shaving cream.

[Andy]

You might not even need a razor.

[Kingfish (George)]

Well, anymore living since due back tomorrow. You know we told her to come back in three days.

[Andy]

Well, we're gonna put that mess on her head again. I'm gonna use a stick, I'll tell you that.

[Mr. Livingston]

Hello, this is Mr. Livingston speaking. Oh yeah, and I just want you to know that as a result of the treatment you gave my wife two days ago, she's losing her hair with a handful. And I'm going down and talk to the District Attorney.

[Kingfish (George)]

District Attorney?

[Mr. Livingston]

I'm going to have the order of your beauty salon put in jail. And I'm coming over there at 4 o' clock and I want my money back.

[Gabriel]

Goodbye.

[Andy]

Say, what is this thing about District Attorney you said? Kingp.

[Kingfish (George)]

That was a man by the name of Mr. Hooper. He said making a radio survey and wanted to know what my favorite program was. And I told him District Attorney. That's what I.

[Gabriel]

On that greed, greed. Come and get it deep Great day coming mana maybe tomorrow, maybe today. Comb that grit Come and get it day Hallelujah. I want to be swell Business is well, Money is paid well that's the time when things will come your way Glory to us on that great great come and get it I'll get the mule that agar of Crown got Get the gal that calico beetle beetle Word has come from Gabriel's horn well the earth beneath your flowers the burden is yawn what glory time is coming for to stay on that fair. Maybe tomorrow, maybe today I'll get my gals that Calico gown and we'll flip the light fantastic over this town. God's word has come from Gator of Horn Every power the button is yawn for it high it's coming for to stay for today. Come and get it and keep it. Yeah, keep it. Great, great.

[Kingfish (George)]

Shorty, I tell you why I asked you to drop over here.

[Shorty]

Well, you can't. What's the trouble, Kingfree?

[Kingfish (George)]

That salve I got from you and them jaws. What in the world? Did you have anything?

[Shorty]

There was a lot of stuff, King Friggs.

[Kingfish (George)]

A lot of what stuff?

[Shorty]

Well, to tell you the truth, King Friggs, I found a lot of different kind of salve and some jars that wasn't marked. And I got an idea that if I put them all together into one great big salve, something might come out.

[Kingfish (George)]

Something did come out. The woman's hair. Yeah, and I'm in trouble. The woman's husband is due here in five minutes. Wants his money back and go have the owner of this company put in jail.

[Shorty]

Well, you, you. You and Andy are partners, ain't you?

[Kingfish (George)]

Yeah, me and Andy. Andy. Andy. Yeah. Say, just come to me. Maybe I could get out of this. Hey, here comes Andy down the hall now. Duck in the back door there right quick. So long, shorty.

[Shorty]

So long.

[Kingfish (George)]

Oh, gotta please sick and get out of this O me. Come in, Andy. I got hay fever bad. Here, boy. What you got hay fever?

[Andy]

Wait a minute. Where you get the hay fever from?

[Kingfish (George)]

Well, where did anybody get hay fever from? Gray hair sales, that's where I got it.

[Andy]

Oh, sure enough.

[Kingfish (George)]

Oh, sure. Went over to the doctor a while ago and I said, doctor, I in bad shape. He looked at me and he say, I see you allergic to something. He took my blood pressure. Well, I wasn't allergic to that.

[Andy]

He wasn't, huh?

[Kingfish (George)]

He looked at my tongue. That wasn't allergic. So then he said to me, I gonna give you the allergic test. He scratched me 35 times with different things. And the minute he scratched my arm.

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[Kingfish (George)]

jaw set, my arms fold up like a baseball bat.

[Andy]

That's too bad.

[Kingfish (George)]

Oh, just unlucky, fella. Andy, the first time I runs into a money making things like this salve that you put on a woman's head, I gotta give it up. I gonna give you the whole business free gratis as a gift.

[Andy]

Well, gee, that's nice of you, Kingfish.

[Kingfish (George)]

Now, if you'll sign this paper, I just draw it up here, give you complete ownership of the country and we'll close the deal.

[Andy]

What's on this paper I gotta sign?

[Kingfish (George)]

Oh, just a legal document for your own protection, Andy. To keep you from squirming out or making a lot of money.

[Andy]

Okay, if you want to give it up, I'll sign it. You got it, Penny?

[Kingfish (George)]

Oh, yeah, yeah. Here's a fountain pen right here.

[Gabriel]

Yeah.

[Mr. Livingston]

All right, Mr. Livingston, and I want to see you right away.

[Kingfish (George)]

Just a minute, mister. Sign the thing right there, Andy, will you?

[Andy]

Where do I sign?

[Kingfish (George)]

Right there on the bottom line.

[Andy]

Ain't no ink in this pen.

[Kingfish (George)]

Yeah, well, sign it with anything.

[Mr. Livingston]

The treatment you gave my wife is gonna cost you plenty. And whoever put that stuff on her head is going to court.

[Shorty]

I'm going to sue.

[Andy]

Say, kingfisher, how about you signing this thing?

[Kingfish (George)]

Just a minute, mister.

[Mr. Livingston]

You should see my wife's head.

[Andy]

How is the frolicles coming?

[Mr. Livingston]

Look here, Stevens, I'm going to sue you for damages. That sale you gave my wife to bring home is the most dangerous stuff I ever saw.

[Kingfish (George)]

Oh, yes.

[Mr. Livingston]

I'll be back here in 30 minutes with the district Attorney. Goodbye.

[Kingfish (George)]

Come on, Andy. We're going over to see our lawyer, Stonewall, and fight this thing through together.

[Andy]

I can't stick with you in this deal, Kingfish.

[Gabriel]

Why ca choo a hay fever.

[Kingfish (George)]

Now, come on, Andy, let's get on in. Lawyer Stonewall's office here. Yeah, hello. Oh, excuse me, Stonewall. Didn't know you was on the phone.

[Lawyer Stonewall]

Just a minute, boys. I'm talking to my client's brother here.

[Kingfish (George)]

Hello?

[Lawyer Stonewall]

What's that again? You said he just led your brother out of his cell, huh? Walked him down the long corridor out into the prison yard. They marched him up 13 steps. You say they just put a blindfold on your brother's eyes and there's a lot of people standing around. Well, all I can tell you is if they ain't playing blind man's buff, he's in trouble.

[Gabriel]

So long.

[Lawyer Stonewall]

And say goodbye to your brother, too.

[Kingfish (George)]

Stonewall, we is in trouble here, too.

[Gabriel]

Yeah.

[Andy]

Did you get that jar of salve that we sent you over a half hour ago to analyze?

[Lawyer Stonewall]

Yes, I did.

[Sapphire]

I gave it the acid test.

[Kingfish (George)]

Oh, the acid test, huh?

[Lawyer Stonewall]

Yeah, I put in a bottle with some acid and ate the acid right up.

[Kingfish (George)]

Soon, Royal, the salve is done. Took the hair off the woman's head, and we is in trouble.

[Lawyer Stonewall]

Now, wait. Wait a minute.

[Andy]

Wait.

[Lawyer Stonewall]

Did the jars you gave her have a label on it just like this one?

[Andy]

Yeah, they was all alike.

[Lawyer Stonewall]

You ain't got nothing to worry about. Cause it says on the label here, it says, use at your own risk. That puts you in the clear.

[Kingfish (George)]

Good.

[Lawyer Stonewall]

I'll call the man and tell him.

[Kingfish (George)]

Oh, Stonewall, you has done saved her life.

[Andy]

You sure is. Now he's in the clear. This will learn people to come to beauty shops they don't know nothing about.

[Lawyer Stonewall]

If you excuse me, I gotta go to court, see, to defend the crime.

[Kingfish (George)]

What's wrong?

[Lawyer Stonewall]

The man's wife is suing my client on account he's always bringing home samples from the place where he works.

[Kingfish (George)]

What's wrong with bringing home samples?

[Lawyer Stonewall]

He work in a barrel s theater.

[Kingfish (George)]

Yeah, well, it was sure nice of you to take me and Anda home tonight and attack. Yeah, well, I'm glad to do it, Kingfish. Cause from what you say, you two had a narrow escape.

[Andy]

Yeah, me and the Kingfish almost got into trouble.

[Kingfish (George)]

Yeah, but ha, ha, ha. Legally, we was in the clear. Yeah, you might be in the clear, but that was kind of a mean thing to do to the man's wife. Have a half, or just think how bad a husband must feel about that. Yeah, well, that's his word. He mine now. Well, here's your house right here. Well, boys, will you come in? No, I'll drop Andy off and then I'll get on home. So long, Kingfish.

[Gabriel]

Yeah.

[Kingfish (George)]

See you tomorrow. So long, boy when you down and out Lift up your head and show there's gonna be a great day Dodie. Odie. Well, hello there, Sapphire. Hey, look like you're getting ready to go out. I see you got a scarf around your head.

[Sapphire]

Well, I ain't going out, George. I just came in.

[Kingfish (George)]

Yeah, well, honey, I almost got in trouble today, but everything is fine and dandy now. I know one thing, though. There's a certain man in this town that's mighty embarrassed about the way his wife look. A man by the name of Mr. Livingston.

[Sapphire]

Livingston? Why, that's a coincidence. A Mrs. Livingston that I met at the Bridge Club two days ago gave me a jar of sav for my gray hair sapphire.

[Kingfish (George)]

For heaven's sake, you didn't use it, did you?

[Sapphire]

I already used it.

[Shorty]

And look, George, I ain't got a hat.

[Gabriel]

You better hurry down. Just like a poor Revere. Trees are coming into your hometown, boy, inside that freedom train you'll find a precious freight. You feel you those words of liberty and the document that made us great gate wild. You shout from steam, O will you. You can shoot a system full of poles. You can always question the people. But you can get your answer from the poll. That's how it's always been and ever will remain as long as all of us keep a riding on the freedom train. This song is a train song. It's a song about a train. Not the Atchison that begotten. Not the Chattanooga Choo Choo not the one at midnight for the state of Alabama. This song is a train song.

[Mr. Livingston]

Where the engineer is Uncle Sam.

[Gabriel]

You can write the president a letter. Well, you can even tell him to his face now if you think you'll do it better get the vote and

[Kingfish (George)]

you can take his place.

[Gabriel]

That's how it's always been and how it will remain as long as all of us keep right, keep right, keep fighting on the Freedom trail. Sam.

[Andy]

The Amos and Andy show was broadcast in the United States by cbs, the Columbia Broadcasting System, and released to our men and women overseas by the United States Armed Forces Radio Service, the voice of information and education.

[Gabriel]

Sam, It.

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