Podcast Episode Summary

Podcast: Harold's Old Time Radio
Episode: Amos & Andy - "And The Winner Is" (Original Airdate: May 19, 1940)
Summary Date: January 19, 2026
Theme:
A comedic look at community politics, ambition, and self-interest surrounding a Harlem lodge’s fundraising beauty contest—culminating in a surprise outcome with a classic twist involving guest star Cecil B. DeMille.

Episode Overview

This episode revolves around Amos, Andy, and their associates as they organize and attempt to rig a women's beauty contest for their Lodge, aiming to score both fundraising success and personal profit. Their plans become complicated by bribes, ego, and clashing interests—then thrown for a loop by the involvement of famed Hollywood director Cecil B. DeMille as the deciding judge. Ultimately, the episode uses wit, misdirection, and a classic punchline to skewer judging standards and backdoor deals.

Key Discussion Points and Story Segments

1. The Fundraising Scheme

• The Lodge decides to hold a beauty contest to follow up on the recent financial success of their masquerade ball. ([00:49])
• Andy: “Yeah, Fred, we're gonna hold a big beauty contest with the Lodge in back of it.” ([01:19])
• Contest rules are comically exclusive and tailored to disqualify certain women, notably “Madame Queen and the Kingfish’s wife.”
  • Andy: “Rule one, you gotta be a woman. Rule two, you gotta be a woman with $2.” ([02:29])
  • Kingfish: “Well, you know, we gotta draw the line someplace.” ([02:58])

2. The Prize and Entry Shenanigans

• Prize: A "second-handed" silver cup from Honest Joe’s Pawn Shop, featuring leftover inscription “pocket billiard champion of Jersey City, 1912.” ([03:26])
• Contestants asked for entry fees and are judged (not-so-objectively) by Andy and Mr. Van Porter.

3. Bribery Attempts and Shady Deals

• The first bribery attempt: Mr. Washington tries to buy the win for his daughter Thelma, offering Kingfish and Andy $50 and $25, respectively.
  • Kingfish (mock outrage): "The thought of bribery is repulsive to me." ([04:17])
• The men rationalize: if Thelma wins “without bribery involved,” payment is a token of happiness, not a bribe.
• Kingfish (negotiating): “I was just wondering here that if your daughter was to win the contest without no bribery revolved, would you still be willing to hand out 50 bucks as kind of a token of your joy and happiness?” ([04:48])

4. Judging the Contestants: Superficial to Absurd

• Amos and Andy critique the pictures and joke about store-bought beauty.
  • Andy (re Bernice Fletcher): “She ain't got no long eyelashes like that ... You get them over at Barton's Drugstore.” ([06:24])
  • Thelma Washington’s unattractiveness is the running gag.
• Andy and Kingfish debate if anyone else's father would be willing to “feel joy and happiness” for a bribe, underscoring their openly biased standards. ([08:35])

5. More Bribery—This Time With Insurance

• Henry Van Porter gets his own offer: if contestant Henrietta Snow (daughter of Mr. Snow) wins, he is promised a lucrative insurance policy. ([09:54])
• Van Porter (flexibly ethical): “I might add that your daughter has a very good chance of winning the contest.” ([10:06])

6. The Deadlock and The Search for a “Fair” Judge

• Andy votes for Thelma (bribe), Van Porter for Henrietta (insurance sale), and neither will budge.
  • Kingfish: “Gentlemen, it looks like we is in a deadlock.” ([12:10])
• Amos suggests a third, impartial judge. The group speculates and amusingly, Kingfish volunteers himself (“It’s me.”), to which Van Porter objects. ([13:03])

7. Celebrity Intervention: Cecil B. DeMille as Guest Judge

• Amos proposes contacting DeMille through his wife Ruby’s friend, Amelia (DeMille’s cook). ([13:41])
• Comical DeMille office scene: DeMille is depicted as generous but disconnected; his staff gets no raises unless they can cook. ([15:43])
• DeMille, prodded by Amelia, agrees to judge.
  • DeMille (initial reluctance and comedic turn):
    • “Well, I appreciate the honor, but I’m just so busy...” ([16:42])
    • Amelia: “Why, it would be nice if you did it, Mr. DeMille.”
    • DeMille (immediately): “Oh, oh, oh, well, I’d be happy to.” ([16:50])
• Judging criteria become increasingly nonsensical: “5 points for beauty, 5 for personality, 25 for novelty, 50 for vigor, 75 for ruggedness.”
  • DeMille: “Is this going to be a beauty contest or something on the order of the Golden Gloves?” ([17:51])
  • Kingfish: “Any contest with a scoring system such as this could be won by either Hedy Lamar or Boris Karloff.” ([18:06])

8. The Final Vote

• On contest night, DeMille is courted for further bribes: “might be a five spot in it for you.” ([20:26])
• All parties await DeMille’s decision; Kingfish and Van Porter press their own favorites one last time.
• The twist:
  • Cecil B. DeMille (announcing):
    • "After judging carefully all the contestants ... I hereby award the title of Harlem's Beauty Queen to Miss Mildred Forrest." ([22:32])
    • All are shocked; she's considered “even worse looking than Thelma.” ([23:28])

9. The Comic Reveal

• Challenged on his surprising choice, DeMille confesses:
  • “...there’s one thing in this world which a person cherishes and wants to keep ... It was for such a reason that I voted for Mildred Forrest.”
  • “She happens to be the daughter of my cook.” ([24:35])

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Andy: “Yeah, after all, Fred, the time to milk a cow is when she got milk, you know.” ([01:40])
• Andy (on contest rules): “Rule one, you gotta be a woman. Rule two, you gotta be a woman with $2.” ([02:29])
• Kingfish: “The thought of bribery is repulsive to me.” ([04:17])
• Andy (on Thelma Washington): “I show pity to fella that marries her. With him, every night is going to be Halloween.” ([07:12])
• Kingfish (defending Thelma’s looks): “...take the Rocky Mountains. They got bumps on them, but they're beautiful just the same...”
  • Andy: “I know, but the Rocky Mountains ain't got ears like that.” ([09:03])
• DeMille (mocking contest criteria): “Any contest with a scoring system such as this could be won by either Hedy Lamar or Boris Karloff.” ([18:06])
• DeMille (ultimate reveal): “She happens to be the daughter of my cook.” ([24:35])

Important Timestamps

• 01:19 — 02:51: Contest rules and purpose comically established
• 03:44 — 06:07: Bribery negotiations begin
• 08:35 — 10:04: Judges (Andy and Van Porter) debate and are influenced by their own “incentives”
• 13:41 — 16:47: Quest for a celebrity judge; DeMille approached and drawn in
• 17:19 — 19:11: Absurd scoring system explained; DeMille lampoons their scheme
• 22:32 — 23:19: DeMille declares the unexpected winner, causing shock
• 24:35: Final punchline: winner picked because she’s DeMille’s cook’s daughter

Episode Tone and Style

The episode is a vintage radio comedy overflowing with witty banter, running gags, and pointed satire on human nature, bias in judging, and the motives underlying seemingly “fair” contests. Language and jokes reflect broad 1940s radio humor, with recurring ironic self-awareness and showbiz lampooning courtesy of DeMille.

Summary For New Listeners:

Even without prior context, this episode stands as a sharply written farce about a rigged community contest and the unpredictable consequences when everyone tries to stack the odds in their own favor—only to be outmaneuvered by a guest star’s personal interest. The jokes, comic timing, and closing twist are classic radio-era treasures, and Cecil B. DeMille’s cameo adds Hollywood flair and an extra dash of meta-humor.