Amos & Andy 44-05-05 Electric Clock Caper

Summary

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Podcast Summary: Harold's Old Time Radio

Episode: Amos & Andy 44-05-05 Electric Clock Caper

Date: August 28, 2025

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Episode Overview

This episode features a classic Amos ‘n’ Andy radio comedy, “Electric Clock Caper.” The story humorously follows Andy as he’s honored for 20 years in his lodge and gifted an electric clock—which promptly refuses to work, triggering a series of comedic mishaps that escalate all the way to the FBI. The caper playfully satirizes bureaucracy, misunderstandings, and the innocent blunders of its beloved characters.

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Key Discussions & Insights

1. Andy's Lodge Anniversary & The Electric Clock Gift (00:22–02:57)

• The lodge convenes to celebrate Andy’s 20 years of service.
  • Kingfish delivers a tribute speech, recounting Andy’s past struggles and dubious reputation before heralding “his progress” as a healthier man today.
  • Andy receives a new electric clock valued at $8.50.
  • “Before Mr. Brown applied for membership…Andy was a bum.” — Kingfish, (01:05)
• Andy starts a long-winded acceptance speech.
  • Comically over-the-top, he begins narrating his life history from birth to adulthood.
  • “I feel sure that you brothers would like to know my life's history, taking it right from where I was born up to today, year by year.” — Andy, (02:04)
• Post-party banter among Amos, Kingfish, and Flukey about Andy’s endless speech.
  • “Sometimes I wonder if this country ain't making a mistake by having freedom of speech.” — Kingfish, (03:00)

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2. The Clock Won't Work—Troubleshooting & The Guarantee (02:57–05:05)

• Andy finds the electric clock doesn't work, despite being plugged in.
  • Various attempts are made to get it running.
  • Scientific solution: "I could take it over to my laboratory and smack it a couple of times with a hammer." — Kingfish, joking, (03:59)
• The discovery of a lifetime guarantee inspires hope:
  • The clock is guaranteed for life by the Wilton Clock Company, located locally.

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3. Escalation at the Wilton Clock Company’s Factory (05:05–13:03)

• Kingfish, Andy, and friends head to redeem the guarantee at the Wilton Clock Company plant.
  • They learn the factory is now a war production facility.
  • Comedic misunderstanding with a soldier on security.
    • “The lifetime guarantee don't mean much if they're going to shoot you on the way in.” — Andy, (06:14)
• Factory confusion: mistaken identity leads to being ushered in as if for urgent defense work.
  • Required to don coveralls, despite their protest.
  • “You ain't running no Turkish bath or nothing on the side, is you?” — Andy, (10:25)

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4. Mistaken Espionage: The Secret War Device (08:08–13:03)

• Inside, engineers discuss a top-secret altitude device integral to WWII aircraft.
  • The “actual heart” of the instrument—two unique metal screws and a single set of plans—are in the same room Andy and Kingfish enter by mistake.
• Andy, needing screws for his bathroom mirror, pockets the vital items.
  • “Go ahead and take them if you can use them. They don’t want ’em.” — Kingfish, (12:11)
• The duo jots a note to Lightning on the back of the top-secret plans.
• They’re caught red-handed; factory staff and security conclude espionage is afoot.
  • “It’s lucky we got back in time. We’d been a minute later, both the plans and the screws would have been gone.” — Engineer, (14:11)

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5. At FBI Headquarters: Interrogation & Lie Detector Antics (15:00–23:45)

• Andy and Kingfish endure police procedures—fingerprinting, mugshots, and more outfit changes.
  • “We should have come out in our bathrobe today.” — Andy, (15:25)
• Protest their innocence:
  • “We wouldn’t do nothing to hurt the United States government. Look, I got the American flag right here in my buttonhole.” — Kingfish, (15:49)
• Their friends from the lodge are also questioned.
  • Lightning naively repeats Andy’s earlier joke about robbing the war plant, making them look guilty. “But when he left the cab, he said he was going in to rob a war plant.” — Lightning, (19:18)
• Lie detector sequence:
  • The agents use a polygraph to verify Andy and Kingfish’s story, leading to slapstick dialogue about their "honesty" and employment.
  • “That machine there is just naturally suspicious.” — Kingfish, (23:29)
  • The machine exonerates them: “No guilty reaction on any of the key questions, sir.” — FBI Agent, (23:37)
  • The authorities release them; everyone recognizes it was all a big misunderstanding.

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6. Resolution & Twist Ending (24:15–25:25)

• Andy reckons with the ordeal:
  • “I get an electric clock with a lifetime guarantee, the clock don’t work, I try to get it fixed and nearly end up in the electric chair.” — Andy, (24:24)
• It’s finally discovered why the clock doesn’t run:
  • Andy simply forgot to pay his electric bill.
  • “You ain't paid your bill for two months and your electricity been turned off.” — Lightning, (25:24)

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Notable Quotes & Moments

• On Andy's improvement:
  "Now let's look at him now and the progress that he has done made in the last 20 years... He's a fine, healthy looking man." — Kingfish, (01:17)
• On bureaucracy:
  “Taking advantage of a lifetime guarantee ain’t as easy as a lot of people think it is.” — Andy, (11:10)
• Lie detector comic gold:
  “Have you ever known the Kingfish to do anything dishonest?”
  “Well…I know the Kingfish is honest, all right. Well, that is, I think he is. Well, what I mean is, he's honest most of the time. That is to say, he honest at least half of the time.” — Andy, (22:54–23:11)
• Final punchline:
  “If that clock would have worked in the office this morning, it would have saved everybody a lot of trouble…I writ [President Roosevelt] that he ought to see that the clock companies make good clocks with good wire in them and good cogwheels and good everything else.” — Andy, (24:41)
• True cause revealed:
  “You ain't paid your bill for two months and your electricity been turned off.” — Lightning, (25:24)

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Timestamps

• 00:22 — Lodge celebration, Andy honored, clock gifted
• 03:43 — The clock won’t work, group trouble-shoots, lifetime guarantee found
• 05:20 — Arrival at Wilton Company (now a war plant)
• 08:08 — Engineers discuss secret war project, screws and plans
• 12:03 — Andy and Kingfish unknowingly pocket vital items
• 14:00 — Caught, accused of espionage
• 15:00 — FBI headquarters: mugshots, fingerprinting, investigation
• 20:03 — Polygraph set up, interrogation, (22:54) Kingfish honesty in question
• 23:45 — Exonerated by lie detector, released
• 24:24 — Andy’s frustrations and the twist ending
• 25:24 — Real cause: Andy hasn’t paid the electric bill

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Tone & Language

Faithful to the original, the episode is broad, farcical, and driven by well-meaning bumbling. It highlights the double-talk, puns, and misunderstandings characteristic of Amos & Andy. The satire is gentle, poking fun at red tape, loyalty oaths, and the pretensions of “lifetime guarantees.” The characters’ camaraderie, wordplay, and comic timing shine throughout the misadventures.

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Transcript

[Announcer]

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[Amos]

Andy. Andy, wake up. Won't you please open your eyes?

[Andy (Andrew H. Brown)]

Oh me. What's going on here?

[Narrator]

It's the Amos and Andy. Tonight our story opens in the auditorium of the Lodge hall where a celebration is in progress in honor of Andy for his long service to the lodge. He's one of the few early members still active. Right now. The Kingfish is on the platform before the members completing a speech of tribute. Andy is sitting on the stage right in back of him.

[Kingfish]

And so, fellow members, I proud to pay tribute to our brother here on the platform, Mr. Andrew H. Brown, who has done been in our lodge for 20 years. Before Mr. Brown applied for membership with our lodge, the census of opinion was that Andy was a bum. He didn't have no money, he didn't have no business. He never knowed where he was going to sleep from one week to the next. Now let's look at him now and the progress that he has done made in the last 20 years. The day he is, I would say, well, he is, that is, well, he's a fine, healthy looking man. So, Brother Andrew, on behalf of the membership, we present you as a token of our esteem this brand new genuine electric clock which set us back $8.50.

[Andy (Andrew H. Brown)]

Thank you, brothers, for this beautiful electric clock. It has done touch me. I don't know what to say, but I feel sure that you brothers would like to know my life's history. Taking it right from where I was born up to today, year by year. I was born in a little town in Georgia. We lived in a sort of a farmhouse.

[Amos]

That was some speech that Andy made last night. I bet he must have talked for two hours.

[Kingfish]

Yes, Amos, I tell you, I stayed till he was 18 years old. Then I left. How long did you stay, Flukey? Well, I stayed till he was 24 and that's about all I could take.

[Amos]

I wonder how long Andy spoke there.

[Kingfish]

Well, I tell you, that boy really get carried away with himself, don't he? Yeah, you're right, Fluke. When I hear Andy get wound up and go into a thing like it done last night. Sometimes I wonder if this country ain't making a mistake by having freedom of speech.

[Amos]

Well, the trouble with Andy is.

[Andy (Andrew H. Brown)]

Good morning, gentlemans. Good morning.

[Kingfish]

Hello there, Brother Andrew.

[Amos]

How are you, son?

[Andy (Andrew H. Brown)]

Flukey, get out the way there a Second, will you? I want to plug this clock in there and set up on my desk.

[Kingfish]

Oh, yes.

[Andy (Andrew H. Brown)]

This show is a nice clock you boys gave me last night for my 20 years. Anna, reverser.

[Kingfish]

Oh, yeah. Now, Andy, you gotta spin that little wheel in the back of it to get us started. Yeah, well, don't seem to go. Let's see if you got it plugged in tight here. Yeah, the plug is in. Good.

[Amos]

Yeah, that's funny.

[Andy (Andrew H. Brown)]

Hmm. A clock that won't run. I wonder what she gets. If you was only in the lodge 10 years.

[Amos]

But I can't understand. If that's an $8.50 clock, it ought to work.

[Andy (Andrew H. Brown)]

Well, I got it plugged in and I done turned a starter. What else can you do?

[Kingfish]

Say, fellas, you know, I, as a scientist, I could take it over to my laboratory and smack it a couple of times with a hammer.

[Amos]

Hey, wait a minute. I just found this paper in the box that the clock come in. It's a lifetime guarantee. Look here, listen to this. They say here this clock guaranteed for life against all defects due to faulty material or workmanship and assigned by the Wilton Clock Company.

[Kingfish]

Come on, Andy, I'll take you over to the store where we bought it and we'll show him this guarantee. He got to give us satisfaction.

[Andy (Andrew H. Brown)]

Kingfish, I know you bought the clock here, but it was the last one.

[Mr. Wilton]

I had in the store.

[Kingfish]

Yeah, but don't you see? The clock don't work.

[Andy (Andrew H. Brown)]

Yeah, and there's a lifetime guarantee that come with the clock. Listen, boys, that's the manufacturer's guarantee. And it so happened that the Wilton Clock Company's right here in New York.

[Kingfish]

Why don't you take it down after them? You can get some quick action, and that look like the best thing to do. Maybe we can get Lightning to drive us to the Wilton Clock Company and aim us a static cab.

[Andy (Andrew H. Brown)]

Right, let's go.

[Lightning]

This must be the players that say that Wilton Clark Company up there.

[Andy (Andrew H. Brown)]

Yeah, this is it.

[FBI Chief / Agent Hood]

All right.

[Kingfish]

All right, you wait here, Lightning. This ain't gonna take long.

[Lightning]

All right, sir. I'll wait here for you.

[Kingfish]

Say, this sure is a big plan. They got you.

[Andy (Andrew H. Brown)]

Yeah. Must take a lot of equipment to turn out clocks that don't run well.

[Kingfish]

Andy, I think that house.

[Andy (Andrew H. Brown)]

House.

[Kingfish]

That soldier can't be talking to us.

[Andy (Andrew H. Brown)]

That's us. That's us.

[Ralph]

What do you want?

[Andy (Andrew H. Brown)]

This is a war plant. Oh. Oh. Well, ain't this the Wilton Clock Company? Yes, but it's been converted into a war production of precision instruments. Oh, yeah, that's it, huh? Well, you see, Mrs. Soldier, the reason we done come down here is that I got a Wilton clock that don't work and it's got a lifetime guarantee on it.

[Kingfish]

Come on and let's get out of here. The lifetime guarantee don't mean much if they're going to shoot you on the way in.

[Andy (Andrew H. Brown)]

Now, let's keep. Wait a minute. Wait a minute, Kingfish. Wait. The company must stand back at their clocks here. They must still do that. Mister, ain't there nobody in there that I could get satisfaction from? Well, Mr. Wilton is still running the plant. I guess you could see him. Yeah. Well, thank you, mister. We'll be right. Would you, Kingfisher, we better tell Lightning we'll be a little longer.

[Kingfish]

Look, and why don't we take the clock back to the Harlem store there and exchange it for something else? I don't like the idea of going into a place where everybody ready to shoot at you.

[Andy (Andrew H. Brown)]

Don't let's do that. Oh, don't be silly. Wait a minute. Hey, Lightning, we just want to tell you that we're going to be in this place a little longer than we think we was.

[Lightning]

Well, what did you come back for, Ms. Andrew?

[Andy (Andrew H. Brown)]

Well, to tell you what I just told you.

[Lightning]

Well, that seemed like a waste of time. Wouldn't it have been quicker if you would have went in there in the first place instead of coming back here to tell me that you gonna be longer than you think you was in the first place?

[Kingfish]

Lightning, this place here is a war plant now.

[Lightning]

Yeah, well, if you gotta get a clock fixed, then why does he want to go to a war plant?

[Andy (Andrew H. Brown)]

We is gonna rob the war plant, Lightning, but don't tell nobody.

[Lightning]

Wouldn't that be dishonest?

[Andy (Andrew H. Brown)]

Oh, Lightning. Come on, Kingfish, come on.

[Kingfish]

You know, 10 years ago I would have swore that Lightning couldn't get no dumber, but he done fool me.

[Andy (Andrew H. Brown)]

All right, fellas, we go right down this walk here. It's not far.

[Agent Benson]

Follow me.

[Kingfish]

Oh, yes, yes.

[Andy (Andrew H. Brown)]

Yeah. Thank you, sir. Than.

[Mr. Wilton]

Ralph, I think you've done a wonderful job on this altitude device.

[Ralph]

Well, thank you, Mr. Wilson.

[Mr. Wilton]

I think if it's successful, it'll be the most important development of the year in combat aviation. The beauty of it is that it can be used on those big B17 Flying Fortresses or on the P38 Lightnings.

[Ralph]

I think they're going to try it out on the P38 lightnings first. The principle's very revolutionary, too. The secret of the whole instrument, the actual heart of it, is These two little screws right here, they're made out of that new, highly sensitive metal that we developed right here in the lab.

[Mr. Wilton]

Well, I don't have to caution you about guarding all this very carefully, Ralph.

[Ralph]

I should say not, Mr. Wilton. Now, these are the only two metal screws of this type in existence, and this is the only set of plans. So believe me, I'm taking no chances. Oh, did you say that altimeter clock is on the way?

[Mr. Wilton]

Yes, it should be here any minute.

[Ralph]

Oh, good, then I can finish this thing up.

[Mr. Wilton]

I better check with Benson out front on that.

[Agent Benson]

Benson speaking.

[Mr. Wilton]

Benson, this. And, Mr. Wilton, I'm expecting a couple of men with a new type altimeter clock for those new pursuit planes. You send them back to my office as soon as they arrive.

[Narrator]

Yes, sir.

[Kingfish]

Oh, by the way, these men are.

[Mr. Wilton]

Supposed to put some finishing touches on this altimeter clock when they get here.

[Agent Benson]

Oh, then I suppose you want them to put on coveralls as usual.

[Mr. Wilton]

Certainly.

[Kingfish]

You know our rules.

[Mr. Wilton]

Yes, mister.

[Andy (Andrew H. Brown)]

Welcome.

[Lightning]

Goodbye.

[Mr. Wilton]

Ralph, come down to my office for a minute. I'll show you our new assignment.

[Agent Benson]

Right over to this window, fellas.

[Mr. Wilton]

Oh, Mr. Benson.

[Agent Benson]

Yes? These two men want to see somebody.

[Andy (Andrew H. Brown)]

Will you take care of them? Okay.

[Agent Benson]

Sentry. What was it you men wanted?

[Andy (Andrew H. Brown)]

We want to see Mr. Wilton. We got a clock here.

[Agent Benson]

Oh, yes, yes, I know all about it.

[Andy (Andrew H. Brown)]

You do?

[Kingfish]

You sure do get around, don't it, Andy?

[Agent Benson]

Come in through this gate here, please.

[Andy (Andrew H. Brown)]

Yeah, I guess the man at the store must have phoned down and told him about it. All right.

[Agent Benson]

You can take off your clothes right here.

[Andy (Andrew H. Brown)]

Yeah, well, I. Excuse me for protruding, but did you say something about taking off your clothes?

[Agent Benson]

That's right. Can't go in the plant with those clothes on.

[Kingfish]

Well, liable to be a little drafty in there.

[Andy (Andrew H. Brown)]

Yeah, this is just a clock factory in it. You ain't running no Turkish bath or nothing on the side, is you?

[Agent Benson]

Now, look, I haven't got time to argue with you. Before you can go back in that plant, you've got to put on coveralls.

[Andy (Andrew H. Brown)]

Coveralls?

[Kingfish]

Look, Mercy, we don't want to seem pigheaded about this thing, but the only reason we is here.

[Lightning]

I know why you're here.

[Agent Benson]

And you've got to put on those.

[Kingfish]

Coveralls just to see Mr. Wilton, huh?

[Andy (Andrew H. Brown)]

That's right. You know, Kingfish, the more I hear about this fellow Wilton, the more I sees why the clock won't run.

[Kingfish]

Say, Mercer, when we get all fixed up here, what does we do and where does we go? To find Mr. Wilton, you go straight.

[Agent Benson]

Down to the end of the passageway, turn left and it's the first door.

[Kingfish]

Oh, thank you.

[Andy (Andrew H. Brown)]

Yeah, well, we might as well get started here. Get off my coat. You know something, Kingfish? Taking advantage of a lifetime guarantee ain't as easy as a lot of people think it is.

[Kingfish]

Well, this is the end of the passageway. Did he say turn right or left? Ain't it?

[Andy (Andrew H. Brown)]

Oh, seem to me he say left. No, no, right.

[Kingfish]

Yeah, that's it. Right. Yeah, we turn down here, then he say the first door. Well, this is it right here.

[Andy (Andrew H. Brown)]

Ain't nobody here.

[Kingfish]

Well, we just better wait around, Ms. Wilton. Most likely be back in a second.

[Andy (Andrew H. Brown)]

This don't look like much of an office. Look more like a work room. Hey, say, I could use them things right there.

[Kingfish]

Oh, what's that, Aunt?

[Andy (Andrew H. Brown)]

Those two little screws there. Yeah, the looking glass in my bathroom is coming loose.

[Kingfish]

Well, go ahead and take them if you can use them. They don't want them.

[Andy (Andrew H. Brown)]

Yeah, they ain't got no use for them. I think this size here is 10 for a nickel in the dime store.

[Kingfish]

Yeah, slip them in your pocket there. They must have millions of them. See, I was just thinking, we liable to be in here a little while yet before he changes our clothes and gets out of here. Maybe we better send Lightning a note and tell him what we're doing so.

[Andy (Andrew H. Brown)]

He won't get jumpy out there. Yeah, that's right. Let's write him a note and we can get somebody to take it out to him. Yeah.

[Kingfish]

Here's a pencil here. Guess I use this piece of paper here.

[Andy (Andrew H. Brown)]

Wait a minute, wait a minute. Ain't there something on that paper, Kingfish?

[Kingfish]

Oh, just a bunch of lines. Look like some guy been doodling with a pencil instead of doing his work. One side is blue and, oh, it's white on the back. I'll write on the back of it. Yeah, I'll say, here, Lightning.

[Mr. Wilton]

What are you men doing here? You know these men, Ralph.

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[Andy (Andrew H. Brown)]

I just.

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[Ralph]

They have no business in this laboratory.

[Kingfish]

Well, you see, mister, what are you.

[Mr. Wilton]

Doing with those plans?

[Kingfish]

God.

[Ralph]

Guard, the screws are missing, too.

[Andy (Andrew H. Brown)]

Well, listen, mister, the only reason we come down here is this.

[FBI Chief / Agent Hood]

You call me Mr. Wilson.

[Mr. Wilton]

Yes. I think we have a couple of dangerous men here.

[Andy (Andrew H. Brown)]

Watch them.

[Mr. Wilton]

I want to go through their pockets.

[Kingfish]

Oh, look, Mother, we ain't doing nothing. The reason we come down here.

[Mr. Wilton]

Here are the screws. They were in his pocket.

[Ralph]

It's lucky we got back in time. We'd been a minute later, both the plans and the screws would have been gone.

[Mr. Wilton]

And look what they've got written on the back of these plans. Lightning.

[Andy (Andrew H. Brown)]

Yeah.

[Mr. Wilton]

They even knew these plans were for that plane.

[Kingfish]

Wait a minute. That ain't a plane. That's a man.

[Andy (Andrew H. Brown)]

Yeah, listen, we was.

[Mr. Wilton]

I don't know what you two are up to, but this is certainly a matter for the FBI.

[Kingfish]

Guard.

[FBI Chief / Agent Hood]

Yes, sir.

[Mr. Wilton]

Take these two men to FBI headquarters. And I hope they get what they deserve.

[Narrator]

Well, they've got Andy and the Kingfish down at FBI headquarters. The FBI agents are giving them a complete examination and taking them through a routine checkup before bringing them in for questioning.

[Ralph]

I think that's everything on that Harris. Brown's weight 205. Height 5ft 11 and a half. Right, Stevens, 191.

[Andy (Andrew H. Brown)]

6 foot. All right, boys, you can put your shirts on.

[Kingfish]

You know, and I'm getting mighty sick of putting my clothes on and off here.

[Andy (Andrew H. Brown)]

Yeah, we should have come out in our bathrobe today.

[Ralph]

All right, Harris, take them over to fingerprinting. All right, give me a hand.

[Andy (Andrew H. Brown)]

Just relax. I'll do it. Look, mister, you don't have to take no fingerprints. We as innocent. We was just trying to check on a lifetime guarantee. Honest we was. We wouldn't do nothing to hurt the United States government.

[Kingfish]

Yeah, so? That's right. Look, I got American flag right here in my buttonhole.

[Andy (Andrew H. Brown)]

Yeah, mine is in my other suit.

[Ralph]

All right, Harris, turn them around. Now, I want to get a profile.

[Andy (Andrew H. Brown)]

Mister, you ain't got to take our pictures.

[Kingfish]

Nobody believes us, but. But we ain't done nothing wrong.

[Andy (Andrew H. Brown)]

We. We. I pleading with you, mister. Won't you please believe that I ain't. Wait a minute.

[Mr. Wilton]

What's the matter?

[Andy (Andrew H. Brown)]

My left profile on the side there is much better.

[FBI Chief / Agent Hood]

Well, Harris, what did you find?

[Andy (Andrew H. Brown)]

Nothing, Chief. Their records are as clean as a whistle.

[FBI Chief / Agent Hood]

Well, you know, there's always a first time. This is the complete file. Fingerprints, pictures and everything, huh?

[Andy (Andrew H. Brown)]

That's right.

[FBI Chief / Agent Hood]

All right, bring them in.

[Andy (Andrew H. Brown)]

Yes, sir.

[Kingfish]

Come in here, you man.

[Andy (Andrew H. Brown)]

Yes, yes, we coming. We coming. Sit down, miss. We've been trying to tell all your assistants here that they is making a mistake.

[Kingfish]

Yes. Just like I say, mister, I wouldn't do nothing to hurt the government. I, as a patriotic man, I, as one of the earliest American settlers in our apartment house. I wish you luck.

[Andy (Andrew H. Brown)]

All right.

[FBI Chief / Agent Hood]

But look, try to remember the joy.

[Andy (Andrew H. Brown)]

Hello.

[Agent Benson]

Hello, Chief. We picked up those three fellows from Harlem. You know, friends of the men you've got inside there.

[Andy (Andrew H. Brown)]

Oh, yes.

[FBI Chief / Agent Hood]

I want to question them. I'll be right out.

[Andy (Andrew H. Brown)]

Mister, you don't really think that we meant to steal that stuff in the workroom there, do you mean?

[FBI Chief / Agent Hood]

Well, frankly, boys, I don't. But we've got to make these routine investigations to make sure. Pardon me a moment.

[Andy (Andrew H. Brown)]

Yeah. Well, that's a relief. We'll wait right here.

[FBI Chief / Agent Hood]

How do you do, man? My name is Hood. I'm in charge here. Hennessy. Did you get their names?

[Agent Benson]

Yes, that's Amos Jones, that's Henry Van Porter. This fellow they call Lightning man, we thought was a plane.

[FBI Chief / Agent Hood]

And you're friends of Brown and Stevens, is that right?

[Amos]

Yes. To tell you the truth, they is our best friends, mister.

[Andy (Andrew H. Brown)]

Yes, we knowed them for many years. And if there's any information you want, we would be only too happy to vulge it.

[FBI Chief / Agent Hood]

I see. Well, what about you? You're the fellow that drove them down to the plant, aren't you?

[Lightning]

Yes, I. The fellow that drove them down to the plant in the taxicab while I was waiting for them, they never did come out. And I waited for two hours for.

[Amos]

Them and then I whizzed on home.

[FBI Chief / Agent Hood]

I. Well, tell me, what do you know about these men as far as their reputations go?

[Amos]

Well, mister, I tell you the truth. I know they're liable to get into a little scrape now and then like anybody liable to do. But I can tell you this, that they would never do anything against the federal government. I know.

[Andy (Andrew H. Brown)]

Is that why? Certainly not. From my own personal contact with them, I know that they has always felt that crime was in bad taste.

[Amos]

I don't know what they accused of muscle, but I assure it must be some mistake around here.

[FBI Chief / Agent Hood]

In other words, you men all feel Positive that Stevens and Brown would do nothing against the law.

[Amos]

Yes, sir. I would swear to them.

[Lightning]

Except for one thing. But I guess I better not say nothing about that, though.

[Andy (Andrew H. Brown)]

What is it?

[FBI Chief / Agent Hood]

Remember, you've got to tell the truth here.

[Lightning]

Well, I wouldn't want. I wouldn't like for you to Repeat this because Mr. Brown told me not to say nothing about it. But when he left the cab, he said he was going in to rob a war plan.

[FBI Chief / Agent Hood]

Oh, now we've got something to go on.

[Andy (Andrew H. Brown)]

But, mister, you said a while ago you figured we was innocent.

[Kingfish]

Yeah. Must I believe us? Please believe us. We wasn't gonna steal nothing.

[FBI Chief / Agent Hood]

Have you got that lie detector all attached? Tennessee?

[Agent Benson]

Yes, sir?

[Andy (Andrew H. Brown)]

Take this thing off me, will you, please, mister? Take it off. I'll tell you the truth. I'll tell you the truth. Brown.

[FBI Chief / Agent Hood]

I'm gonna ask you some questions. And if you don't tell the truth, this lie detector will show just when you're lying.

[Kingfish]

Wait a minute, mister. That ain't fair. This lie detector don't know nothing about the kids.

[FBI Chief / Agent Hood]

This machine records your emotional reactions. And no matter how hard you try to conceal your feelings, you can't fool it. This machine transposes your emotional vibrations into sound. I'll turn it on now. In other words, when you lie, you'll hear the hum rise. All right, here's the first question. Your true name is Andrew H. Brown, is that right?

[Andy (Andrew H. Brown)]

Yeah. Yes.

[FBI Chief / Agent Hood]

Have you ever used any other name?

[Andy (Andrew H. Brown)]

No, sir.

[FBI Chief / Agent Hood]

Why did you try to steal those plans?

[Andy (Andrew H. Brown)]

I didn't try to steal them, mister. Honest, I didn't. Honest?

[Kingfish]

Well, I didn't hear no rising hum, Mr.

[Andy (Andrew H. Brown)]

Post not. I never told a lie in my life. Oh, you.

[FBI Chief / Agent Hood]

You haven't, huh, Missa?

[Kingfish]

You must have a short circuit in there someplace.

[FBI Chief / Agent Hood]

Mr. Brown, I'm interested in your source of income. Just what is it that you do to earn a living?

[Andy (Andrew H. Brown)]

Well, I. I as in partners with the Kingfish here.

[FBI Chief / Agent Hood]

And what does he do for a living?

[Andy (Andrew H. Brown)]

Well, he's. He. He. I would say he just about the same as me.

[FBI Chief / Agent Hood]

All right. What do you both do then?

[Andy (Andrew H. Brown)]

Oh, well. Well, we works hard all the time, if that's what you mean.

[Kingfish]

Well.

[Andy (Andrew H. Brown)]

Well, I mean, by that pretty hard.

[Kingfish]

M. Is that machine incinerating.

[FBI Chief / Agent Hood]

That, my friend, is lying doing more than insinuating.

[Kingfish]

Andy. Pull yourself together there, son.

[Andy (Andrew H. Brown)]

Brown.

[FBI Chief / Agent Hood]

Brown. Do you still maintain you just went inside that factory to get a clock fixed?

[Andy (Andrew H. Brown)]

Yes, sir.

[FBI Chief / Agent Hood]

And you expect me to believe that?

[Andy (Andrew H. Brown)]

Oh, mister, I just hope that someday your clock goes bad and you got a Lifetime guarantee.

[FBI Chief / Agent Hood]

But you did go in to rob that war plant, didn't you?

[Andy (Andrew H. Brown)]

No, sir. Hmm.

[FBI Chief / Agent Hood]

Doesn't seem to be any reaction. Brown, I wonder if you could be an innocent accomplice in this thing.

[Andy (Andrew H. Brown)]

Yes, sir, I'd be glad to.

[Kingfish]

Yasser. And I'd be glad to be innocent accomplices to remember as his partner.

[FBI Chief / Agent Hood]

No, no, no, you don't quite understand what I mean. Is, is it possible that this so called friend of yours, the Kingfish, is the mastermind and is just using you for a tool?

[Kingfish]

Now, wait a minute, Brown.

[FBI Chief / Agent Hood]

Have you ever known the Kingfish to do anything dishonest?

[Kingfish]

Hold it, Andy, hold it, hold it.

[FBI Chief / Agent Hood]

Now what, what's the matter?

[Kingfish]

And before you answer that question, I want you to calm yourself down there. I want you to get your emotions leveled off as smooth as a pool table.

[FBI Chief / Agent Hood]

All right, answer the question. Have you ever known the Kingfish to do anything dishonest?

[Andy (Andrew H. Brown)]

Well.

[Kingfish]

I didn't hear nothing.

[Andy (Andrew H. Brown)]

I did. Well, what I was gonna say is I know the Kingfish is honest, all right. Well, that is, I think he is. Well, what I mean is, he's honest most of the time. That is to say, he honest at least half of the time. Look, look, mister, maybe we better get off this question before we blows a fuse here.

[Kingfish]

Yes, mister, I, I going to tell you, that machine there is just naturally suspicious.

[FBI Chief / Agent Hood]

Listen to me. Listen to me, young man. Did the Kingfish take you into that plant to steal those plans?

[Andy (Andrew H. Brown)]

No, sir, absolutely not.

[FBI Chief / Agent Hood]

I see. Hennessy, what does the chart show?

[Agent Benson]

No guilty reaction on any of the key questions, sir.

[FBI Chief / Agent Hood]

Well, boys, I guess you've been telling the truth about the clock. Looks like we were up the wrong street.

[Kingfish]

You mean that we can go, mister?

[FBI Chief / Agent Hood]

Yes. I'm sorry about this, but we have to check into these things. I guess you were pretty sore at me there for a while, but. Well, I'm not such a bad guy, am I?

[Andy (Andrew H. Brown)]

Oh, no, sir. I think you is a swell fella. I tell you, Amos, I'm gonna split this whole thing wide open and let people know what's going on here in this country.

[Amos]

Well, now, take it easy, Andy.

[Andy (Andrew H. Brown)]

Take it easy nothing. I gets electric clock with a lifetime guarantee. The clock don't work, I try to get it fixed and nearly end up in the electric chair.

[Amos]

Andy, will you please calm down?

[Andy (Andrew H. Brown)]

Listen, I has done already written a letter to President Roosevelt telling him how his citizens is going to get pushed around.

[Amos]

Oh, now look, Andy, if President Roosevelt don't handle things like that.

[Andy (Andrew H. Brown)]

Yeah, well, somebody in the government Ought to do something about it. What is I paying all these taxes for? That I would pay if I was paying any.

[Amos]

Andy, what did you write to President Roosevelt?

[Andy (Andrew H. Brown)]

Well, you see, all this happened because the clock didn't work in the first place. So I writ him that he ought to see that the clock companies make good clocks with good wire in them and good cogwheels and good everything else.

[Amos]

Oh, I don't think you oughta done that, Andy.

[Andy (Andrew H. Brown)]

Well, why not? Like I say, if that clock would have worked in the office this morning, it would have saved everybody a lot of trouble. I. Oh, wait a minute. Come in, Lightning. What'd they say? Lightning?

[Lightning]

Well, Ms. Andy, I took the clock over to the electric company and they said, ain't nothing wrong with the clock, as you.

[Andy (Andrew H. Brown)]

Me?

[Lightning]

Yeah. You ain't paid your bill for two months and your electricity been turned off.

[Narrator]

Make sure that you don't miss the Amos and Andy show next Friday night at the same time when the Kingfish and Andy get into a fancy mix up at a masquerade ball. Our program is broadcast to our armed forces everywhere. This is Harlow Wilcox. And before I say good night, here's one more thing. You know, there's only one reason that we keep asking you to turn in your waste fats. That reason is that the need is urgent. So urgent that it's one of your most important jobs. It doesn't matter how many times they've been used. Those fats will yield crystal clear essential material for ammunition and medicine. Your meat dealer will pay you and give you two red points for every pound of used fat you turn in. Not in a glass container, please. Any tin can will do. Thank you and good night.