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Amos & Andy 44-xx-xx The Broken Clock
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Amos & Andy 44-xx-xx The Broken Clock
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Amos Jones
The Amos and Andy Show. The Amos and Andy Show. Rebroadcast for the American Armed forces and their alliance. And now here they are. Amos and. And tonight our story opens in the auditorium of the Lodge hall where a celebration is in progress in honor of Andy for his long service to the lodge. He's one of the few early members still active right now. The Kingfish is on the platform before the members completing a speech of tribute. Andy is sitting on the stage right in back of him. And so fellow members, I proud to pay tribute to our brother here on the platform, Mr. Andrew H. Brown, who has done been in our lodge for 20 years. Before Mr. Brown applied for membership with our lodge, the census of opinion was that Andy was a bum. He didn't have no money, he didn't have no business. He never knowed where he was going to sleep from one week to the next. Now let's look at him now and the progress that he has done made in the last 20 years. Today he is, I would say, well. He is, that is, well, he's a fine, healthy looking man. So Brother Andrew, on behalf of the membership, we present you as a token of our steam, this brand new genuine electric clock which set us back $8.50. Thank you brothers for this beautiful electric clock. It has done touch me. I don't know what to say, but I feel sure that you brothers would like to know my life's history. Taking it right from where I was born up to today, year by year. I was born in a little town in Georgia. We lived in a sort of a farmhouse. That was some speech that Andy made last night. I bet he must have talked for two hours. Yes, Amos, I tell ya, I stayed till he was 18 years old. Then I left. How long did you stay, Flukey? Well, I stayed till he was 24 and that's about all I could take. I wonder how long Anders folk there. Well, I tell you, that boy really gets carried away with herself, don't he? Yeah, you're right, Fluke. When I hear Andy get wound up and go into a thing like it done last night. Sometimes I wonder if this country ain't making a mistake by having freedom of speech. Well, the trouble with Andy is. Good morning, gentlemen. Good morning. Hello there, brother Andy. How are you, son? Flukey, get out the way there a second, will ya? I want to plug this clock in there and set up on my desk. This show is a nice clock you boys gave me last night for my 20 years anniversary. Oh yeah. Now Andy, you gotta spin that little wheel in the back of it to get us started. Yeah. Well, don't seem to go. Let's see if you got it plugged in tight here. Yeah, the plug is in. Good. Yeah, that's funny. A clock that won't run. I wonder what she gets. If you was only in the lodge 10 years. Well, I can't understand it. That's a $8.50 clock. It ought to work. Well, I got it plugged in and I done turned the starter. What else can you do? Say, fellas, you know, I, as a scientist, I could take it over to my laboratory and smack it a couple of times with a hammer. Hey, wait a minute. I. I just found this paper in the box that the clock come in. It's a lifetime guarantee. Look here, listen to this. They say here this clock guaranteed for life against all defects be due to faulty material or workmanship and assigned by the Wilton Clock Company. Come on, Andy, I'll take you over to the store where we bought it and we'll show him this guarantee. He gotta give us satisfaction. Kingfisher, I know you bought the clock here, but it was the last one I had in the store. Yeah, but don't you see? The clock don't work. Yeah, and there's a lifetime guarantee that come with the clock. Listen, boys, that's the manufacturer's guarantee. And it so happened that the Wilton Clock Company is right here in New York. Why don't you take it down after them? You can get some quick action and that look like the best thing to do. Maybe we can get Lightning to drive us to the Wilson Clark Company and aim us a taxicab. Right. Let's go. This must be the players that say the Wilson Clark Company up there. Yeah, this is it. All right. All right. You wait here, Lightning. This ain't gonna take long. All right, sir, I'll wait here for you. Hey, this sure is a big plan. They got you. Yeah. Must take a lot of equipment to turn out clocks that don't run well. Andy, I think that that soldier can't be talking to us. No. How can I shoot? That's us. That's us. What do you want? This is a war plant. Oh. Oh. Well, ain't this the Wilton Clock Company? Yes, but it's been converted into a war production of precision instruments. Oh, yeah, that's it, huh? Well, you see, Mr. Soldier, the reason we don't come down here is that I got a Wilton clock that don't work and he's got a lifetime guarantee on her. Come on and let's get out of here. The lifetime guarantee don't mean much if they going to shoot you on the way in. Now, let's get. Wait a minute. Wait a minute, Kingfish. Wait. The company must stand back of their clocks here. They still do that, mister? Ain't there nobody in there that I could get satisfaction from? Well, Mr. Wilton is still running the plant. I guess you could see him. Yeah. Well, thank you, mister. We'd be right with you, Kingfish. We better tell Lightning we'll be a little longer. Look, and why don't we take the clock back to the Harlem store there and exchange it for something else? I don't like the idea of going into a place where everybody ready to shoot at you. Don't let's do that. Oh, don't be silly. Wait a minute. Hey, Lightning, we just want to tell you that we're going to be in this place a little longer than we think we was. Well, what did you come back for, Ms. Annie? Well, to tell you what I just told you. Well, that seemed like a waste of time. Wouldn't it have been quicker if you would have went in there in the first place instead of coming back here to tell me that you going to be longer than you thunk you was in the first place? Lightning, this place here is a war plant now. Yes. Well, if you gotta get a clock fixed, then why does he want to go to a war plant? We is gonna rob the war plant, Lightning, but don't tell nobody. Wouldn't that be dishonest? Oh, Lightning. Come on, Kingfish, come on. You know, 10 years ago, I would have swore that Lightning couldn't get no dumber, but he done fool me. All right, fellas, we go right down this walk here. It's not far. Follow me. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Thank you, sir. Thanks. Ralph, I think you've done a wonderful job on this altitude device. Well, thank you, Mr. Walter. I think if it's successful, it'll be the most important development of the year in combat aviation. The beauty of it is it can be used on those big B17 Flying Fortresses are on the P38 Lightning. I think they're going to try it out on the P38 lightnings first. The principle's very revolutionary, too. The secret of the whole instrument, the actual heart of it, is these two little screws right here. They're made out of that new, highly sensitive metal that we developed right here in the lab. Well, I don't have to caution you about guarding all this very carefully, Ralph. I should say not, Mr. Wilton. Now, these are the only two metal screws of this type in existence, and this is the only set of plans. So believe me, I'm taking no chances. Oh, did you say that altimeter clock is on the way? Yes, it should be here any minute. Oh, good, then I can finish this thing up. I better check with Benson out front on her. Benson speaking. Benson. Listen, Mr. Wilton, I'm expecting a couple of men with a new type altimeter clock for those new pursuit planes. Now, you send them back to my office as soon as they arrive. Yes, sir. Oh, by the way, these men are supposed to put some finishing touches on this altimeter clock when they get here. Oh, then I suppose you want them to come on coveralls as usual. Certainly. You know our rules. Yes, mister. Welcome. Goodbye. Oh, say, Ralph, come down to my office for a minute. I'll show you our new assignment. Right over to this window, fellas. Oh, Mr. Benson. Yes? These two men want to see somebody. Will you take care of them? Okay. Sentry, what was it you men wanted? We want to see Mr. Wilton. We got a clock here. Oh, yes, yes, I know all about it. You do? You sure do get around, don't it? Andy, come in through this gate here, please. Yeah, I guess the man at the store must have phoned down and told him about it. All right, take off your clothes right here. Yeah, well, I. Excuse me for protruding, but did you say something about taking off your clothes? That's right. Can't go in the plant with those clothes on. Well, ain't it liable to be a little drafty in there? Yeah, this is just a clock factory in it. You ain't running no Turkish bath or nothing on the side, is you? Now, look, I haven't got time to argue with you. Before you can go back in that plant, you've got to put on coveralls. Coveralls? Look, Merthyr, we don't want to seem pig headed about this thing, but the only reason we is here. I know why you're here. And you've got to put on those coveralls just to see Mr. Wilton, huh? That's right. You know, Kingfish, the more I hear about this fellow Wilton, the more I sees why the clock won't run. Say, mister, when we get all fixed up here, what does we do and where does it go to find Mr. Wilson? You go straight down to the end of the passageway, turn left and it's the first door. Oh, thank you. Yeah. Well, we might as well get started. Here, get off my coat. Yeah. You know Something Kingfish taking advantage of a lifetime guarantee ain't as easy as a lot of people think it is. Well, this is the end of the passageway. Did he say turn right or left? And. Oh, seemed to me he's left. No, no, right. Yeah, that's a right. Yeah, we turn down here, then he's at the first door. Well, this is it right here. Ain't nobody here. Well, we just gotta wait around. Ms. Wilson most likely be back in a second. This don't look like much of an office. Look more like a work room. Hey, say, I could use them things right there. Oh, what's that, Andy? Those two little screws there. Yeah, the looking glass in my bathroom was coming loose. Go ahead and take them if you can use them. They don't want them. Yeah, they ain't got no use for them. I think this size here is 10 for a nickel in the dime store. Sure, slip them in your pocket there. They must have millions of them. I was just thinking, we liable to be in here a little while yet before when he changes our clothes and gets out of here. Maybe we better send Lightning a note and tell him what we're doing so he won't get jumpy out there. Yeah, that's right. Let's write him a note and we can get somebody to take it out to him. Here's a pencil here. Guess I use this piece of paper here. Wait a minute, wait a minute. Ain't there something on that paper? King Creek. Oh, just a bunch of lines. Look like some guy been doodling with a pencil instead of doing his work. One side is blue and, oh, it's white on the back. I'll write on the back of it. Yeah, I'll say, here, Lightning. What are you men doing here? You know these men, Ralph? I know, but I know they have no business in this laboratory. Well, you see, mister, what are you doing with those plans? Guard. God. Screws are missing too. Well, listen, mister, the only reason we come down here is this. You call me Mr. Wilton. Yes. I think we have a couple of dangerous men here. Watch them. I want to go through their pockets. Oh, look, Mother, we ain't doing nothing. The reason we come down here. Here are the screws. They were in his pocket. It's lucky we got back in time. We'd been a minute later, both the plans and the screws would have been gone. And look what they've got written on the back of these plans, Lightning. Yeah, they even knew these plans were for that plane. Oh, wait a minute, Moser. That ain't a plan. That's a man. Yeah, listen, we was. I don't know what you two are up to, but this is certainly a matter for the FBI. Guard. Yes, sir. Take these two men to FBI headquarters. And I hope they get what they deserve. Intermission time on the Amos and Andy Show. And that means our intermission orchestra directed by Raymond Scott with Dorothy Collins to sing. Sam. Imagine you imagining that you love me and starting on a family tree Imagine starting on the family tree the papa is you and the mama it's me if your heart goes bumpity bump it's love, love, love if your throat comes up with a love it's love, love, love if your knees go I knock it in. It's love, love, love it's your cuckoo like the cuckoo in the clock It's Sam. Well, they've got Andy and the Kingfish down at FBI headquarters. The FBI agents are giving them a complete examination and taking them through a routine checkup before bringing them in for questioning. I think that's everything on that Harris. Brown's weight 205. Height 5ft 11 and a half. Right, Stevens, 191. 6 foot. All right, boys, you can put your shirts on. You know, and I get in. Mighty sick of putting my clothes on and off here. Yeah, we should have come out in our bathrobes today. All right, Harris, take them over to fingerprinting. All right, give me a hand. Just relax. I'll do it. Oh, look, mister, you don't have to take no fingerprints. We as innocent. We was just trying to check on a lifetime guarantee. Honest we was. We wouldn't do nothing to hurt the United States government. Yeah, well, that's right, M. Look, I got American flag right here in my button hole. Yeah, mine is in my other suit. All right, Harris, turn them around. Now I want to get a profile. Oh, miss, you ain't got to take our pictures. Nobody believes us. But. But we ain't done nothing wrong. We. We. I pleading with you, Mr. Won't you please believe that I ain't. Wait a minute. What's the matter? My left profile on the side there is much better. Well, Harris, what did you find? Nothing, Chief. Their records are as clean as a whistle. Well, you know, there's always a first time. This is the complete file. Fingerprints, pictures and everything, huh? That's right. All right, bring them in. Yes, sir. How many of you men. Sit down, miss. We've been trying to tell all your assistants here that they is making a mistake. Yeah, just like I say, I wouldn't do Nothing to hurt the government. I, as a patriotic man, I, as one of the earliest American settlers in our apartment house, I would do nothing. All right, but look. Try to remember the joy. Hello. Hello, chief. We picked up those three fellas from Harlem. You know, friends of the men you've got inside there. Oh, yes. I want to question them. I'll be right out. Mister, you don't really think that we meant to steal that stuff in the workroom there, do you? Well, frankly, boys, I don't. But we've got to make these routine investigations to make sure. Pardon me a moment. Yeah. Well, that's a relief. We'll wait right here. How do you do, man? My name is Hood. I'm in charge here. Hennessy. Do you get their names? Yes. That's Amos Jones. That's Henry Van Porter. This fellow they call Lightning man, we thought was a plane. And you're friends of Brown and Stevens, is that right? Yes. To tell you the truth, they are our best friends, mister. Yes, we know them for many years. And if there's any information you want, we would be only too happy to vulge it. I see. Well, what about you? You're the fellow that drove them down to the plant, aren't you? Yes, I. The fella that drove them down to the plant in the taxi cab while I was waiting for them. They never did come out. And I waited for two hours for them and then I whizzed on home. I see. Well, tell me, what do you know about these men as far as their reputations go? Well, mister, I tell you the truth. I know they're liable to get into a little scrape now and then like anybody liable to do. But I can tell you this, that they would never do anything against the federal government. I know that. Why, certainly not. From my own personal contact with them, I know that they has always felt that crime was in bad taste. I don't know what they accused of, mister, but I. Sure, it must be some mistake, man here. In other words, you men all feel positive that Stevens and Brown would do nothing against the law? Yes, sir. I would swear to death except for one thing, but. Well, I guess I better not say nothing about that, though. What is it? Remember, you've got to tell the truth here. Well, I wouldn't want. I wouldn't like for you to repeat the. Mr. Brown told me not to say nothing about it. But when he left the cab, he said he was going in to rob a war plan. Oh, now we've got something to go on. But, mister, you said A while ago you figured we was innocent. Yeah. Must believe us. Please believe us. We wasn't going to steal nothing. Have you got that lie detector all attached, Tennessy? Yes, sir. Take this thing off me, will you, please, mister? Take it off. I'll tell you the truth. I'll tell you the truth, Brown. I'm going to ask you some questions. And if you don't tell the truth, this lie detector will show just when you're lying. Wait a minute, mister. That ain't fair. This lie detector don't know nothing about the keys. This machine records your emotional reactions. And no matter how hard you try to conceal your feelings, you can't fool it. This machine transposes your emotional vibrations into sound. I'll turn it on now. In other words, when you lie, you'll hear the hum rise. All right, here's the first question. Your true name is Andrew H. Brown, is that right? Yes. Have you ever used any other name? No, sir. Why did you try to steal those plans, Bob? Bob? I didn't try to steal them, Mr. Harness. I didn't honor. Well, I didn't hear no rising hum, Mr. Post Night. I never told a lie in my life. Oh, you. You haven't, huh, mister, you must have a short circuit in there. Some. Mr. Brown, I'm interested in your source of income. Just what is it that you do to earn a living? Well, I, I as in partners with the Kingfisher. And what does he do for a living? Well, he's. He, he. I would say he just about the same as me. All right. What do you both do then? Oh, well, well, we worked hard all the time, if that's what you mean. Well, Well, I mean by that pretty hard. Milza is that machine incinerating that my friend is lying doing more than insinuating. Andy. Pull yourself together there, son. Brown. Brown, do you still maintain you just went inside that factory to get a clock fixed? Yes, sir. And you expect me to believe that? Oh, mister, I just hope that someday your clock goes bad and you got a lifetime guarantee. But you did go in to rob that war plant, didn't you? No, sir. Doesn't seem to be any reaction. Brown, I wonder if you could be an innocent accomplice in this thing. Yes, sir, I'd be glad to, uh, Yasser. And I'd be glad to be innocent accomplice to remember I as his partner. No, no, no, you don't quite understand. What I mean is, is it possible that this so called friend of yours, the Kingfish, is a mastermind and Is just using you for a tool. Now, wait a minute, Brown. Have you ever known the Kingfisher do anything dishonest? Hold it, Andy. Hold it, hold it. Now, what's the matter? And before you answer that question, I want you to calm yourself down there. I want you to get your emotions leveled off as smooth as a pool table. All right, answer the question. Have you ever known the Kingfisher do anything dishonest? Well, I didn't hear nothing. I did. Well, what I was going to say is I know the Kingfish is honest, all right. Well, that is, I think he is. Well, what I mean is, he's honest most of the time. That is to say, he honest at least half of the time. Look, look, mister, maybe we better get off this question before we blow the fuse here. Yes, I gonna tell you, that machine there is just naturally suspicious. Listen to me. Listen to me, young man. Did the Kingfish take you into that plant to start steel those plans? No, sir. Absolutely not. I see. Tennessee, what does the chart show? No guilty reaction on any of the key questions, sir. Well, boys, I guess you've been telling the truth about the clock. Looks like we were up the wrong street. You mean that we can go, mister? Yes. I'm sorry about this, but we have to check into these things. I. I guess you were pretty sore at me there for a while, but. Well, I'm not such a bad guy, am I? Oh, no, sir. I think you as a sweet. Well, fell. I tell you, Amos, I'm going to split this whole thing wide open and let people know what's going on here in this country. Well, now, take it easy and it will take it easy. Nothing. I gets electric clock with a lifetime guarantee. The clock don't work. I try to get it fixed and nearly end up in the electric chair. Andy, will you please calm down? Listen, I has done already read a letter to President Roosevelt telling him how his citizens is going to get pushed around. Oh, now look, Andy, if President Roosevelt don't handle things like that. Yeah? Well, somebody in the government ought to do something about it. What is I paying all these taxes for that I would pay if I was paying any. And what did you write to President Roosevelt? Well, you see, all this happened because the clock didn't work in the first place. So I writ him that he ought to see that the clock companies make good clocks with good wire in them and good cogwheel and good everything else. Oh, I don't think you oughta done that, Andy. Well, why not? Like I say, if that clock would have worked in the office this morning. It would have saved everybody a lot of trouble. Trouble? I. Oh, wait a minute. Come in, Lightning. What? They say? Lightning? Well, M. Andy, I took the clock over to the electric company and they said, ain't nothing wrong with the clock as you. Me? Yeah. You ain't paid your bill for two months and your electricity been turned off. Amos and Andy will be back with you again next week.