Amos & Andy 53-05-10 Cabin in Connecticut

Summary

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Podcast Summary: Amos & Andy – “Cabin in Connecticut”

Podcast: Harold’s Old Time Radio
Date: September 5, 2025
Original Airdate: May 10, 1953
Episode: “Cabin in Connecticut”
Host: Harold's Old Time Radio

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Brief Overview

This episode presents a classic “Amos & Andy” story steeped in humor and well-paced scam-reversal, set around the time-honored premise of a get-rich-quick real estate scheme gone comically awry. The Kingfish attempts to offload his dilapidated Connecticut cabin to Andy, resulting in a string of escalating deceptions, mistaken windfalls, and comeuppances. Through farcical salesmanship, rural misadventures, and a final reversal at the hands of Sapphire, the episode showcases the wit, chemistry, and timing that made the show an enduring part of radio’s golden age.

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Key Discussion Points & Episode Structure

1. Setting the Stage: Discovering Old “Valuables”

[02:41 – 04:25]

• Sapphire and her mother return with papers and “valuables” after being evicted from their safety deposit box.
• The only true item of value, according to Sapphire, is a $2,500 engagement ring.
  • E (Sapphire's Mother): “The only thing valuable in here is Mama’s $2,500 engagement ring.” [02:56]
• The Kingfish tries to defend the worth of some war bonds and especially the deed to a neglected cabin in Connecticut.
• A botched real estate deal in the past is recalled, where Kingfish missed out on profits from a big hotel when he held out for too much.

2. The Kingfish’s Sales Pitch to Andy

[05:11 – 08:27]

• Kingfish hears Andy plans a $400 camping trip to the North Woods.
• Utilizing exaggerated dangers (sleeping bag mishaps, wild bears, rattlesnakes), Kingfish persuades Andy to reconsider the trip.
  • B (Kingfish): “Camping in the woods is all right for the experienced hunter and trapper, but it’s sure death for the tender feets who don’t know nothing ...” [06:10]
• With Andy’s interest piqued, Kingfish offers a “cozy cottage in Carefree Connecticut” for $400—the price Andy was going to spend on camping.

3. Amos’ Warning & The “Pig in a Poke”

[09:00 – 09:18]

• Amos warns Andy not to buy without seeing the property:
  • B (Amos): “Don’t let him sell you no pig in the poke.” [09:15]
• Andy vows this time “if he tries to sell me a pig in the poke, I’m gonna give him a poke in the puss!” [09:18]

4. Kingfish Seeks Advice; The Plot to Deceive Andy

[11:02 – 12:21]

• Kingfish complains to his friend Calhoun about Andy wanting to see the property.
• Calhoun proposes they let Andy believe the cabin is part of the nearby luxury hotel, with access to all its amenities.
  • G (Calhoun): “Suppose Andy were to think that the cabin was part of the hotel property and he was entitled to all the hotel facilities.” [12:03]
• Kingfish cooks up a plan to show Andy the Monmouth Hotel, then steer him to the ramshackle cabin.

5. The Cabin’s Reality

[13:17 – 17:07]

• Andy is suitably impressed by the hotel—until the journey to the “cabin” entails crossing barbed wire, a highway, and a drainage ditch.
  • C (Andy): “Holy mackerel, what a trip ... We hopped over three barbed wire fences, skipped across a four lane highway just ahead of a Mack truck and jumped over that drainage ditch...” [14:31]
• The cabin is in near-ruin: no amenities, holes in the roof, bathroom far away.
  • C (Andy): “The way that’s falling apart, I ain’t gonna be able to commune with the rain, the wind, the flies and the mosquitoes without ever leaving the house.” [15:03]
• Kingfish claims “ignorance is nine points of the law” to avoid refunding Andy.
  • B (Kingfish): “You done paid me the money ... Don’t forget, ignorance is nine points of the law.” [16:53]

6. A Letter, a Reversal, and a Surprising Sale

[17:24 – 18:36]

• Kingfish finds a letter, seemingly from the Monmouth Hotel, offering $3,000 for the land to expand their golf course.
  • B (Kingfish): “Holy mackerel. $3,000! And I done sold it to Andy for $400.” [17:44]
• Kingfish calls Andy to reverse the sale, but Andy coolly informs him he’s already sold the property to Mr. Theodore Nelson for $700.
  • C (Andy, triumphantly): “I done changed my mind about living up there and sold the place to a Mr. Theodore Nelson for $700.” [18:31]

7. Trying to Reacquire the Cabin

[20:06 – 25:27]

• Kingfish and Andy attempt to force Mr. Nelson out by scaring him, fabricating a story about an airport being built on adjacent land.
  • B (Kingfish, as airline manager): “We is building an airport in the cow pasture next to you here ... your place being at the end of our runway ...” [21:18]
  • C (Andy, as the "pilot"): “Coming into LaGuardia Field, I overshot that 17,000 foot runway again.” [22:54]
• Mr. Nelson is unfazed, so Kingfish offers increasing amounts to buy him out, eventually agreeing to pay $1,000 cash by morning.

8. The Final Twist: The Joke's on Kingfish

[25:40 – 27:09]

• Kingfish pays Nelson by pawning Sapphire’s mother’s $2,500 ring, anticipating the $3,000 hotel deal.
• When boasting about the profit, Sapphire reveals SHE wrote the fake $3,000 offer as a prank.
  • E (Sapphire): “I wanted to play a joke on you. I writ you that letter offering you the $3,000 and I signed it the Monmouth.” [26:25]
• The episode ends with Kingfish groaning at his final loss and Andy dryly noting their laughter will fade when they learn how Kingfish financed the buyback.
  • B (Kingfish): “I pawned Mama’s $2,500 diamond ring.” [27:10]

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On the folly of Kingfish’s real estate schemes:

  • E (Sapphire’s Mother): “Ya big fat-headed boob.” [03:49]

• Kingfish's inspired scare tactics about camping:

  • B (Kingfish): “The north woods is full of sleeping bags that’s been kicking around and screaming since last summer...” [06:53]

• Andy’s travel woes at the cabin:

  • C (Andy): “Gonna cost us three or four hundred dollars, but it’ll be worth it.” [05:55]

• On the decrepit cabin’s “amenities:”

  • B (Kingfish): “It’s designed that way. Ain’t it what they call Swiss cheese Modern.” [14:54]

• Triumphant reversal:

  • C (Andy): “I done changed my mind about living up there and sold the place to a Mr. Theodore Nelson for $700.” [18:31]

• The big twist revelation:

  • E (Sapphire, mockingly): “I writ you that letter offering you the $3,000 ... I signed it the Monmouth.” [26:25]

• Kingfish’s financial misfortune:

  • B (Kingfish): “I pawned Mama’s $2,500 diamond ring.” [27:10]

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Timestamps for Major Segments

• Opening scenario & cabin origin: [02:41 – 04:25]
• Kingfish cons Andy out of camping: [05:11 – 08:27]
• Amos warns Andy: [09:00 – 09:18]
• Hotel/cabin switcheroo plan: [11:02 – 12:21]
• Terrible cabin revealed: [13:17 – 17:07]
• Letter with lucrative offer: [17:24 – 17:44]
• Andy’s clever resale: [18:31]
• Scaring off the new owner: [20:06 – 25:27]
• Sapphire's big joke: [26:25]
• Kingfish’s final lament: [27:10]

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Tone & Style

The episode delivers a delightful blend of rapid-fire banter, comic escalation, and the themes of hustle-and-bustle that characterized Amos & Andy. The dialogue is replete with period idioms and quick one-liners. The cast’s comedic timing and interplay keep the story fast-paced and vibrant—even as Kingfish’s increasingly desperate maneuvers paint him as a loveable rogue always outsmarted in the end.

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For First-Time Listeners

If you missed the episode, rest assured: you’ll follow every twist. The plot lurches along with escalating comic stakes, culminating in a satisfying twist that lampoons Kingfish’s scheming nature, Andy’s naivete, and Sapphire’s sharp wit. This is vintage “Amos & Andy”—clever, colorful, and packed with situational comedy that stands the test of time.

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Transcript

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[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

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[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Andy, you know what that music saying?

[Andy Brown]

Yes, Sir Amos. That music say good health to all from Rexall.

[Narrator/Announcer]

The Amos and Andy Show. Transcribed written by Joe Connolly and Bob Moser. Featuring Ernestine Wade, Johnny Le, Amanda Randolph, Corny Anderson, Jeff Alexander's music, yours truly, Harlow Wilcox. And starring radio's all time favorites, Freeman Gosden and Charles Corell. Amos and Andy. How do you do, ladies and gentlemen? I am Freeman Gon. You know, Charles Carell and I have been partners for a long time. There are some things we agree on and some we don't. But we always talk it out. Maybe that's why we're such good friends. But there is one matter on which we definitely agree and that is that for real economy we can always rely on our Rexall druggist. We're always sure that our money buys more in a Rexall store. And we know you will agree with us if you start trading at your Rexall family druggist's. Well, the kingfisher's wife, Sapphire and her mother went to the bank this morning and have just returned to the apartment with a stack of papers and legal looking documents.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Sapphire, why is you and your mama bringing all that stuff home from our safety deposit box?

[Sapphire (Kingfish's wife)]

Cause you didn't pay the rent on it. Yeah, we was evicted from that too, you bum.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Me and we gonna have to keep all these valuables around the house here.

[Sapphire (Kingfish's wife)]

What you talking about valuables? The only thing valuable in Here is Mama's $2,500 engagement ring. And Mama can keep that in her dresser drawer. That ring is the only thing of value.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

What you mean? Now look, right here. There's $400 worth of war bonds.

[Sapphire (Kingfish's wife)]

Yes, but they're war bonds from the Spanish American War. Yeah, and on top of that, there's dated. You thought Spain was gonna win?

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Well, I got a bad trip. Somebody told me that Admiral Dewey's first name was Jose. Anyway, there's other valuables there. What is this thing right here? What does it say here? Property deed.

[Sapphire (Kingfish's wife)]

That's that crazy lot with that shack on it you bought up in Connecticut 10 years ago.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Yeah, well, almost made my fortune on that. The people wanted to buy it to put up that big Monmouth Hotel.

[Sapphire (Kingfish's wife)]

Yeah, but just like all your deals, you held out for too big a price. Yeah, and the hotel wound up by building that place a mile away on the other side of the highway. Ya big fat headed boob.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Thank you, Mama. Thank you for them sweet thoughts. Think how I felt. It was a bad break for me. That cabin of mine must be in pretty bad shape by now, though. I ain't done a thing to the players in five years. You know, if I fix it up, it. It might not make a bad summer cottage for somebody.

[Sapphire (Kingfish's wife)]

Well, if you can sell that overgrown lot and broke down cabin to anybody, you is a genius.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Now wait a minute, Charles. You ever heard of the Louisiana Purchase?

[Sapphire (Kingfish's wife)]

You mean when Napoleon sold the United states Louisiana for $15 million?

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Yeah, you've been down there, seen all them swamps and bayous and the flooded land, ain't you?

[Sapphire (Kingfish's wife)]

Yeah, I seen them.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Well, listen, if the boy that lost the Battle of Waterloo could swing a deal like that, think what a future there is for me in the real estate business. Oh, me? I guess Sapphire was right. I had that ad in the paper for two days now. I guess nobody wants to buy that cabin up in Connecticut. I ain't had one nibble if I could get a fish to bite. One little nibble. One fish.

[Andy Brown]

Hi, Kingfish.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Hello, Andy Brown. Welcome to the aquarium.

[Andy Brown]

What's up, Kingfish?

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Well, I was just thinking about you, boy. You know, Andy, this is the time of year when the robin redbreast wings its way north. When the swallows return to their homes in the trees, the pigeons to their roost, and the doves to their nest.

[Andy Brown]

Kingfish, what are you getting at? You trying to sell me a box of them stale bird eggs again?

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

I was thinking with summer coming on this time that you made your vacation plan.

[Andy Brown]

Oh, well, I done made my vacation Plans already.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Oh, you is, huh?

[Andy Brown]

Yeah, me and a couple of the other brothers is gonna take a trip and go camping in the North Woods.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

The North Woods? Yeah.

[Andy Brown]

Gonna cost us three or four hundred dollars, but it'll be worth it.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

So you're going to the North Woods. You're going behind nature's iron curtain tree studded Devil's Island.

[Andy Brown]

Is you inferring here that the woods is dangerous?

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Well, then they're. Camping in the woods is all right for the experienced hunter and trapper but it's sure death for the tender feets who don't know nothing about a neophyte like you. You gonna camp out, huh?

[Andy Brown]

Yeah, we've taken all the equipment, sleeping bags and everything.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Sleeping bags, huh? You mean one of them bags you crawls into at night and then close the whole thing up with a zipper? Very dangerous, Andy.

[Andy Brown]

Dangerous? After I zip the thing up, I safe inside the bag from the rain and the wild elements and everything. All I gotta do is unzip myself when I wants to get up in.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

The morning, that's it. Andy, do you know how them zippers is?

[Andy Brown]

You mean they get stuck sometimes?

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Stuck anywhere. The north woods is full of sleeping bags that's been kicking around and screaming since last summer. Thief. Must be five or six hundred sleeping bags that hopping around like Mexican jumping beans.

[Andy Brown]

Oh, well, I ain't gonna take no chances then. I'll just sleep out in the open.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

That new open, huh? With all them ferocious bears around.

[Andy Brown]

What do you mean? A fellow explaining to me how all them bears is tame. They even walks right up and eats out the car.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Yeah, but what he didn't explain to you is that what they eat. So that the cars is the drivers, doesn't it?

[Andy Brown]

Well, all right, all right, I won't mess with the bears then. I'll just go fishing.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Fishing? The summer is the worst time of the year to go fishing up there.

[Andy Brown]

I was afraid of that.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

That's when the deadly rattlesnakes come down to the water's edge to shed their rattles.

[Andy Brown]

Holy mackerel. If the rattlesnakes loses their rattles, how'd they notify you when they about to strike?

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Well, they do send John L. Lewis around with no note, I can tell you that.

[Andy Brown]

You know something, Kingfish? I think I'm gonna call off the camping trip. I'll have to think of some other place to go on my vacation.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Now, you say you got $400 to spend, huh?

[Andy Brown]

That's right, $400.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Sit down, brother Hender, and let me tell you about a cozy cottage in Care Free Connecticut. What is this? Andy, you was called off your camping trip to the woods.

[Andy Brown]

Yeah, Emma's my features too tender. Me being a neon light and everything. The bears have eaten me right out of my sleeping bag.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Now, Andy, what is you talking about the bears eating you? What is that?

[Andy Brown]

Oh, it's real dangerous. They comes down to the river every night to shed the zippers. Yeah, they do that cause they got permission from John L. Lewis.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

I don't know what you're talking about, sir. You was all hot on this camping trip, Andy. What made you change your mind?

[Andy Brown]

Well, Amos, I done bought a cozy cottage in Connecticut from the kingfish for $400.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Oh, the kingfish. Yeah. Well, I didn't know about this, Andy. But I tell you one thing. He was crazy to put up your money before you seed the thing. Make sure he show you the place.

[Andy Brown]

Yeah, that's right. You was right. I'm gonna call him right away.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Oh, sure, Andy. Don't let him sell you no pig in the poke.

[Andy Brown]

Yeah, Amos. And I'll tell you one thing. This time if he's trying to sell me a pig in the poke, I'm gonna give him a poke in the puss. I tell you.

[Rexall Family Druggist]

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[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Now listen, Andy. Hello? Hello? Look here. Ain't no sense in shouting at me on the telephone. If you want to see the players, why, I'll let you see it. All right, Andy. All right.

[Rexall Family Druggist]

All right.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

We'll drive up there tomorrow. Okay. Goodbye. You want to see the players? What a dirty trick to play on me. Especially when I'll never be able to camouflage that dump. So we'll fall for it. Oh, me, I can't give him his money back, though. Cause if he.

[Jack Calhoun]

Hiya, Kingfish.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Well, Algonquin. Jack Calhoun, how are you? Where you been? Boy.

[Jack Calhoun]

Oh, I've been over in the park, King Fish. There's a lot of excitement over there. They wrecked some fella for feeding the ducks and done throwed him in jail.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Throwed him in jail for feeding the ducks?

[Jack Calhoun]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. He was pulling them out of the water and feeding them to his Airdale.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

I have a little trouble myself, Calhoun. I had a broken down cabin up in Connecticut and I sold it to Andy for $400. Now he want to see the players before we consummate a deal. You know what I mean?

[Jack Calhoun]

Now, there's a sneaky thing for Andy to do. Ain't that the place you thought the people was gonna buy and put the hotel on?

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Yeah, that's right. But the double cross men, they built the Monmouth Hotel about a mile on the other side of that four lane highway. Yeah.

[Jack Calhoun]

Wait a minute. I think I done got an idea here.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Yeah. Now looky here.

[Jack Calhoun]

No, just suppose Andy were to think that the cabin was part of the hotel property and he was entitled to all the hotel facilities.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Yeah, that's a great idea, boy. Yeah. Yeah. That's a big hotel with a swimming pool, tennis court, golf course and everything. Yeah. Yeah. That'll sell him on the place. And then by summertime I'll think of something else to stall him off. Yeah. Yeah. How you like that, Andy? Getting smart on me? The unexpected is always happening, ain't it, boy?

[Jack Calhoun]

Yeah, I say it is. Why, just today I got a card from my cousin Murgatroyd.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Oh, yeah, your cousin Murgatroyd, the Bobster. Yeah, yeah. Where is he now?

[Jack Calhoun]

Well, Murgatroyd is over in Paris. It seemed that he and another hipster, a friend of his, was sitting having cocktails in one of them sidewalk cafes in Paris.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Yeah.

[Jack Calhoun]

All of a sudden there was a big explosion under the street. And right before their eyes, two French workmen come flying out of an open manhole and went 90ft in the air.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

90Ft in the air.

[Jack Calhoun]

His friend turned to Murgatroyd and said, dig them two boys flying through the air. And Murgatroyd said, yeah, man, I wonder what they serving down there.

[Andy Brown]

Well, King Fish, I must say that this is a wonderful hotel up here. Hotel Monmouth, huh?

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Yeah. Of course, it ain't open yet for the summer any, but you can see it's a great place.

[Andy Brown]

Oh, yeah. Nice hotel.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Oh, yeah, Andy. And if you meets a girl, when it comes to recreation, why, you can tennis court it, or you can bridle past it or shuffleboard it.

[Andy Brown]

Well, when it comes to smooching, Kingfish, I'd rather back porch it or canoe it or down by the summer houser. But listen, you say the cabin I done bought is on the grounds of the hotel, huh?

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Oh, yes, Andy, of course you kept is a little more private than these right here around the hotel. Right in what we call the vicinity.

[Andy Brown]

Oh yeah, there's huh?

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Yeah. I know that you is the type of fellow that enjoys your privacy.

[Andy Brown]

Yeah, but I found that I gets more of a kick out of my privacy if there's people around. Show me where the cabin is.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

All right, Andy, roll up your pants leg and follow me. It's just a hop, skip and a jump from here. Just a hop, skip and a jump. Well, Andy, here we is. Yeah, here's you lovely cabin.

[Andy Brown]

Holy mackerel, what a trip. You say it was a hop, skip and a jump. We hopped over three barbed wire fences, skipped across a four lane highway just ahead of a Mack truck and jumped over that drainage ditch to get you.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Well, it was worth the trip. And there you is. There is your delightful rusty cabin.

[Andy Brown]

That thing there with the holes in the walls and the roof half gone.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Well, it's designed that way. Ain't it what they call Swiss cheese Modern. In a place like that you can commune with nature.

[Andy Brown]

Commune with nature? The way that's falling apart, I ain't gonna be able to commune with the rain, the wind, the flies and the mosquitoes without ever leaving the house.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Well, come on and let's go in and look at the players. Come on. Look at.

[Andy Brown]

Ok, ok. Come on up on the porch. Holy mackerel. Kingfish. The boards. And them steps is all loose.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Yeah, well, that's natural after the winter. Them steps just need a little tightening up. Open the door to Andy.

[Andy Brown]

Yeah, that door need a little tightening up too. Fell right off.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Well, it's made that way, Andy. It not only keeps the wind out, but it doubles as a surfboard in case you want aquaplane on it in the lake. You see what I mean? Now step inside, Danny. Get a load of this rustic splendor we got you.

[Andy Brown]

Say, wait a minute, Kingfish. This place is a mile from the hotel. How's I gonna get any service over here?

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Well, Andy, the hotel sends a chambermaid over every morning to dust up the place.

[Andy Brown]

You mean she's gotta jump that barbed wire and cross that highway to get here?

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Yeah, Andy. Of course, with the traffic lights and all the trucks whizzing by, you may miss a couple of changes of sheets during the summer. That's one of the joys of rustic living.

[Andy Brown]

Yeah, but look here, this is just one room with a stove. Don't the joys of rustic living include no bathroom?

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Well, Andy, like I say, you use the facilities of the hotel.

[Andy Brown]

You mean if I want to take a bath, I got a steeple chase across that highway in my bathrobe and slippers.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Yes, Andy, you can use any bathroom that's available. There's just one caution, though. If he walks in while another fella's taking a bath, it's against the rules of the hotel for you to climb in with him. You see what I mean?

[Andy Brown]

Listen, Kingfish, I ain't gonna take the place.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Now, wait a minute. You done paid me the money. You done made a deal. This deal is closed. You can't get out of there.

[Andy Brown]

Yeah, but wait a minute. When I made it, I didn't know this place was such a broke down dump.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Oh, didn't know it. Well, there you is. You're stuck right there. Don't forget, ignorance is nine points of the law. Oh, I got you, boy.

[Andy Brown]

Yeah, that's right. Well, I guess if that's the law, there ain't nothing I can do about it.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Oh, you will love it up here to end.

[Andy Brown]

Yeah, but I tell you, with that chambermaid getting held up in traffic with my sheets and me having to wait for the light to change to take a bath, look like I'm going to spend a pretty dirty summer.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Well, let me get on in my apartment here. I sure pulled a fast one on that ender. Hmm. Well, see, the mail is here. Just one letter. Let me see here. Mr. George Stephens. Dear sir, this is to inform you that we is expanding our present nine hole golf course and are interested in your property across the highway. We are prepared to pay you the sum of $3,000 for. Sam, kindly let us know at once if these terms meet with your approval. Signed, the Monmouth Hotel corporation. Holy mackerel. $3,000. And I done sold it to Andy for 400. Let me get that boy on the phone and tell him that deal is off. Oh. Oh, me. As the Australians say, when the boomerang hit him in the back of the head, this thing has done took a turn for the worse. I just hope that. Hello, Andy, the Kingfisher. About the cottage. The deal is off. I gotta have it back.

[Andy Brown]

Well, I'd be glad to let you have it back, Kingfish, except for one little thing.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

One little thing? What's that, Andy?

[Andy Brown]

I done changed my mind about living up there and sold the place to a Mr. Theodore Nelson for $700.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Oh, now, wait a minute.

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[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Well, Andy, here's the cottage. Mr. Nelson that you done sold it to must be up here now.

[Andy Brown]

Yeah, that's right. That must be his car. He told the real estate people he gonna be working on the place all month, getting it in shape. Listen, you think this idea is gonna work and we'll get him out of here?

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Well, it's gotta work, Andy. I can't lose that $3,000 that the hotel offered me.

[Andy Brown]

Yeah, but trying to scare him out by telling them there's building an airport for jet planes on these fields around here. I don't know if that's gonna work or not.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Well, now, listen, Andy. We got a break. You had a real estate company sell the place to him and he ain't never seed you?

[Rexall Family Druggist]

That's right.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

I go in first like I said. And after I got him going, you bust in at the psychological moment.

[Theodore Nelson (Ms. Nelson)]

Yeah, yeah.

[Andy Brown]

All right, go ahead. I'll hide out here by the stoop. See?

[Jack Calhoun]

Come in.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Tightened up the door?

[Theodore Nelson (Ms. Nelson)]

Yes. What can I do for you?

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

You must be Mr. Nelson. Allow me to introduce myself. I is George Stephens, president, General manager of the Transcontinental, Trans European Transocean and Transparent Airlines.

[Theodore Nelson (Ms. Nelson)]

Caroline. Well, what has this got to do with me?

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Oh, nothing, nothing. I just wanted to get acquainted since we gonna be neighbors.

[Theodore Nelson (Ms. Nelson)]

Neighbors?

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Oh, yes. We is building an airport in the cow pasture next to you here. So it's only natural with your place being at the end of our Runway, why we ought to get acquainted.

[Theodore Nelson (Ms. Nelson)]

What's this? My house is at the end of your Runway.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Oh yeah. Of course, with the small pasture we got there, we only going to be able to have a Runway 80ft long. And with us flying the new jet transports off there, why we bound to run into each other sooner or later.

[Theodore Nelson (Ms. Nelson)]

You mean to say that by my living here my house is in danger from your airplanes?

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Well, I wouldn't say it was actually dangerous. But if you were sleeping here some night and one of them super jet engines starts climbing in bed, would you don't stop to shake hands with it, that's all.

[Theodore Nelson (Ms. Nelson)]

Well, an airport way out here in the country, it just doesn't seem right to me.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Oh, I realize Ms. Nelson, it's a long way from the city, but that's the way we in the airlines do it. You see, we always put the airport way out in the country. That way we have to haul the people out there in our buses. Actually, the secret of the airline is they makes their money on the bus fare. The airplane's just a sideline.

[Theodore Nelson (Ms. Nelson)]

Well, I just can't believe you're putting an airport out here.

[Andy Brown]

Aye, chief. Hi.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Well, well, well, now ain't this a coincidence. Now just look who walked in here. My head pilot. Excuse me, Mr. Nelson, I'd like to have you meet the head pilot of our airlines. Near sighted Brown.

[Theodore Nelson (Ms. Nelson)]

How do you do?

[Andy Brown]

Yeah, Wilco. Roger. Contact. Keep your flaps down and all that stuff.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

What is the trouble? Nearsighted? I noticed that you're wearing a bandage on your head again.

[Andy Brown]

Ah, same old trouble. Coming into LaGuardia Field, I overshot that 17,000 foot Runway again.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Shot it. Hit anything this time, dear. Sighting?

[Andy Brown]

Yeah, I think so. But when I come back to the field I noticed they had a three foot control tower. I wonder if I'm ever gonna get to knack a land on them airplanes.

[Theodore Nelson (Ms. Nelson)]

Hey, just a minute here. You mean you're a licensed pilot and you overshot the field?

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Well now, Ms. Nelson, I can explain this whole thing to you. You see, he do it all the time. Last week on our western flight he missed Los Angeles completely.

[Andy Brown]

Yeah, yeah, I was lucky I had friends in Hawaii.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

By the way Neil said it, I think you better be running along. I'm afraid all this talk about overshooting the field with the jets and stuff might have scared our neighbor Mr. Nelson here.

[Andy Brown]

Yeah, well, so long Mr. Nelson. I'll be seeing you though.

[Theodore Nelson (Ms. Nelson)]

You Will.

[Andy Brown]

Yeah. With your house so close to the Runway, me and my co pilot is bound to be dropping in on you one of these foggy nights.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Oh, great pilot, Brown. Oh, yeah. Considered one of the greatest pilots of all time. Once we get the right bifocals on him, he gonna be unbeatable that day.

[Theodore Nelson (Ms. Nelson)]

Now, look, I don't know what this is all about, but I'm not giving up this place. I paid $700 for it and I'm not giving it up.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Now, look here, it's really a matter of life and death.

[Theodore Nelson (Ms. Nelson)]

No, I plan on spending the summer up here. I am going to put a lot of money in this place.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Well, look here, I tell you what I gonna do. I gonna make you a deal that you can't turn down. Tell you what I gonna do. I like you, Ms. Nelson, and I gonna give you your money back. No go. Well, now listen, I tell you what I gonna do. I'll make you the highest price I can make you. And this is my last offer. But you gotta take it. I'll give you $1,000 if you vacate it right away.

[Theodore Nelson (Ms. Nelson)]

$1,000, Yasser? Well, let me see. Okay, but I want the cash by the first thing in the morning, no delay.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Yassir. Yassir. I'll raise the money some way and I'll have it here the first thing in the morning. Yassir.

[Andy Brown]

How'd we make out, Kingfish?

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Not so good, Andrew. I had to agree to pay him a thousand dollars by the first thing in the morning.

[Andy Brown]

Well, what's the difference? You still gonna be $2,000 ahead when we sells it to the hotel for the golf course. But listen, tell me this, where you gonna get the money from? You has even spent the money that I paid you.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Now, look here, Andy, I go raise it some way. I desperate. I can't miss out on this $3,000 offer from the Monmouth Hotel.

[Andy Brown]

Yeah, but say, you know, there's just one thing that bothers me in this whole thing.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

What is that, Andy?

[Andy Brown]

Why would a hotel want to put a golf course so close to a airport?

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Oh, no. Well, come on in my apartment, Andy. I want to tell Sapphire and her mama about the big deal.

[Andy Brown]

Yeah, you say you done raised a thousand dollars and paid Mr. Nelson to move out of the cabin, huh?

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Well, yeah, give him the money this morning.

[Andy Brown]

Yeah.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Now, all I does is get a hold of the man that written me the letter from the Monmouth Hotel and I got all of 2,000 bucks to the good.

[Andy Brown]

Yeah.

[Sapphire (Kingfish's wife)]

Is that you, George? Yeah. Is that You, Scott Top.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Watch me rubbing this big deal into them two old goats. Oh, yes, me girls see you got.

[Sapphire (Kingfish's wife)]

Bird brain with you.

[Andy Brown]

How you do, Miss Smith?

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Oh, well, I got some news for you two gals. I done made $2,000 profit on that old broken down cabin. And all I had to do was to raise a thousand bucks to get it. I was going in and called the man who writ me the letter.

[Sapphire (Kingfish's wife)]

Now, hear that, Mama? Ain't that a howl?

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

A howl?

[Sapphire (Kingfish's wife)]

Yeah, you poor SAP. I wanted to play a joke on you. I writ you that letter offering you the $3,000 and I signed it to Monmouth.

[Jack Calhoun]

What?

[Sapphire (Kingfish's wife)]

Ain't that a good one? Yes. Yes, Mama sure put a fast one on you, George. Come on, daughter, let's start dinner.

[Andy Brown]

They sure is laughing it up, ain't they?

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Kingfish, I got an idea. A lot of the Yuma is going to go out of the joke when they find out the way I raised a thousand bucks.

[Andy Brown]

How'd you do it?

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

I pawned Mama's $2,500 diamond ring.

[Narrator/Announcer]

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[Andy Brown]

See you next Sunday. Yes, sir.

[Narrator/Announcer]

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At Rexall drugstores everywhere. Your Rexall druggist has presented the Amos and Andy show, transcribed and directed by Cliff Howell. This is the CBS Radio.