Amos & Andy 53-05-10 Cabin in Connecticut

Summary

Podcast Summary: Harold's Old Time Radio – "Amos & Andy 53-05-10 Cabin in Connecticut"

Release Date: July 31, 2025

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Introduction

In this engaging episode of Harold's Old Time Radio, listeners are transported back to the Golden Age of Radio with the beloved characters Amos and Andy. Hosted by Harold's Old Time Radio, the show masterfully recreates the charm and humor of classic radio shows, bringing to life iconic personalities like Freeman Gosden and Charles Corey. This particular episode, titled "Cabin in Connecticut," delves into a humorous yet cautionary tale of real estate misadventures, friendships, and unexpected twists.

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The Real Estate Woes of Amos

The episode kicks off with Amos expressing frustration over unpaid rent related to their safety deposit box. Sapphire, Amos's wife, and Mama return with legal documents, revealing that they've been evicted from the safety deposit box due to non-payment.

• Sapphire (00:20): "Cause you didn't pay the rent on it."
• Mama (00:47): "Yeah, we was evicted from that too, you bum."

Amos attempts to highlight the "valuables" they've lost, including war bonds and a property deed for a cabin in Connecticut—a real estate investment that didn't pan out.

• Amos (01:53): "What does it say here? Property deed."
• Sapphire (02:39): "That's that crazy lot with that shack on it you bought up in Connecticut 10 years ago."

Amos reminisces about his failed investment, noting how holding out for a higher price prevented him from capitalizing on the property's potential.

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Amos Attempts to Sell to Andy

Desperate to recover some of his losses, Amos reaches out to his friend Andy Brown to sell the rundown cabin.

• Amos (07:09): "Sit down, brother Andy, and let me tell you about a cozy cottage in Care Free, Connecticut."

Amos employs his characteristic humor to persuade Andy, describing the cabin's idyllic (yet dilapidated) features and the supposed amenities provided by the nearby Monmouth Hotel.

Despite Amos's optimistic portrayal, Andy remains skeptical about the cabin's condition, expressing concerns over its disrepair and the lack of essential facilities.

• Andy Brown (05:08): "Is you inferring here that the woods is dangerous?"
• Amos (14:04): "Come on, Andy, let's go in and look at the place."

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The Deal Goes Awry

Upon visiting the cabin, Andy discovers that the property is in worse condition than Amos initially described. The cabin boasts broken walls, a leaky roof, and minimal amenities, making it unsuitable for comfortable living.

• Andy Brown (13:32): "Holy mackerel, what a trip."
• Amos (14:36): "It's designed that way, Andy. It not only keeps the wind out..."

Amos realizes that his sales pitch has failed when Andy decides to back out of the deal after learning the true state of the cabin.

• Andy Brown (15:15): "Yeah, but look here. This is just one room with a stove. Don't the joys of rustic living include no bathroom?"
• Amos (15:26): "Well, Andy, like I say, you use the facilities of the hotel."

Fearing financial loss, Amos scrambles to find a solution, leading to the receipt of a lucrative offer from the Monmouth Hotel.

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The Monmouth Hotel Scheme

Amos receives a letter from the Monmouth Hotel corporation offering $3,000 for the cabin property, presenting an opportunity to recover his initial investment and make a profit.

• Amos (16:25): "Mr. George Stephens. ... We is expanding our present nine hole golf course and are interested in your property across the highway."
• Amos (16:57): "$3,000. And I done sold it to Andy for 400."

However, the situation becomes complicated when Andy reveals he has already resold the property to Mr. Theodore Nelson for $700, further entangling Amos in his financial woes.

• Andy Brown (17:25): "Well, I'd be glad to let you have it back, Kingfish, except for one little thing."
• Amos (19:13): "You must be Mr. Nelson. ... We is building an airport in the cow pasture next to you here."

Amos, desperate to honor the Monmouth Hotel's offer, vows to pay Mr. Nelson $1,000 to vacate the property, but realizes he lacks the funds as he already spent the money Andy paid him.

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The Twist: A Prank Revealed

As tensions rise, it is unveiled that the entire scenario orchestrated by Sapphire and Mama was an elaborate prank. The $3,000 offer from the Monmouth Hotel was fabricated to teach Amos a lesson about his questionable real estate dealings.

• Mama (25:01): "I writ you that letter offering you the $3,000 and I signed it to Monmouth Hotel."
• Amos (25:10): "Oh."

Realizing his predicament, Amos admits to having pawned Mama's $2,500 diamond ring to secure the additional funds needed to honor the fraudulent offer.

• Amos (26:10): "I pawned Mama's $2,500 diamond ring."

This revelation underscores the episode's central theme of friendship, trust, and the consequences of one's actions, all delivered with the classic humor that Amos and Andy are known for.

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Conclusion

"Cabin in Connecticut" masterfully blends humor with a cautionary tale, showcasing the dynamic between Amos and Andy as they navigate the pitfalls of real estate and friendship. The episode highlights themes of deception, desperation, and the lengths one will go to rectify their mistakes. Through sharp dialogue and witty exchanges, listeners are entertained while also reflecting on the importance of honesty and the value of true companionship.

Notable Quotes:

• Amos (07:09): "Sit down, brother Andy, and let me tell you about a cozy cottage in Care Free, Connecticut."
• Andy Brown (05:08): "Is you inferring here that the woods is dangerous?"
• Amos (16:25): "Mr. George Stephens... We is expanding our present nine hole golf course...
• Mama (25:01): "I writ you that letter offering you the $3,000 and I signed it to Monmouth Hotel."
• Amos (26:10): "I pawned Mama's $2,500 diamond ring."

This episode serves as a delightful reminder of the timeless appeal of Amos and Andy, blending humor with relatable life lessons in the quintessential radio storytelling style.

Transcript

[Amos]

Andy, you know what that music saying?

[Andy Brown]

Yes, sir. Amos. That music say good health to all from Rexall.

[Harlow Wilcox]

The Amos and Andy Show. Transcribed, written by Joe Connolly and Bob Moser. Featuring Ernestine Wade, Johnny Lee, Amanda Randolph, Corny Anderson, Jeff Alexander's music. Yours truly, Harlo Wilcox. And starring radio's all time favorites, Freeman Gon and Charles Corell. Amos and Andy.

[Freeman Gosden]

How do you do, ladies and gentlemen? I am Freeman Gon. You know, Charles Carell and I have been partners for a long time. There are some things we agree on and some we don't. But we always talk it out. Maybe that's why we're such good friends. But there is one matter on which we definitely agree, and that is that for real economy we can always rely on our Rexall druggist. We're always sure that our money buys more in a Rexall store. And we know you will agree with us if you start trading at your Rexall family druggist.

[Harlow Wilcox]

Well, the Kingfisher's wife, Sapphire and her mother went to the bank this morning and have just returned to the apartment with a stack of papers and legal looking documents.

[Amos]

Sapphire, why is you and your mama bringing all that stuff home from our safety deposit box?

[Sapphire]

Cause you didn't pay the rent on it.

[Mama]

Yeah, we was evicted from that too, you bum.

[Amos]

You mean that we gonna have to keep all these valuables around the house here?

[Sapphire]

What you talking about, valuables? The only thing valuable in Here is Mama's $2,500 engagement ring. And Mama can keep that in her dresser drawer. That ring is the only thing of value.

[Amos]

What you mean? Now look, right here, there's $400 worth of war bonds.

[Sapphire]

Yes, but they're war bonds from the Spanish American War.

[Mama]

Yeah, and on top of that, there's dated Barcelona. You thought Spain was gonna win?

[Amos]

Well, I got a bad trip. Somebody told me that Admiral Dewey's first name was Jose. Anyway, there's other valuables there. What is this thing right here? What does it say here? Property deed.

[Sapphire]

That's that crazy lot with that shack on it you bought up in Connecticut 10 years ago.

[Amos]

Yeah, well, I almost made my fortune on that. The people wanted to buy it to put up that big Monmouth Hotel.

[Sapphire]

Yeah, but just like all your deals, you held out for too big a price.

[Mama]

Yeah, and the hotel wound up by building that place a mile away on the other side of the highway. Ya big fat headed boob.

[Amos]

Thank you, Mama. Thank you for them sweet thoughts. Think how I felt. It was a bad break for me. That cabin of mine must be in pretty bad shape by now, though. I ain't done a thing to the players in five years. You know, if I fix it up, it might not make a bad summer cottage for somebody.

[Sapphire]

Well, if you can sell that overgrown lot and broke down cabin to anybody, you is a genius.

[Amos]

Now, wait a minute, Charles. You ever heard of the Louisiana Purchase?

[Sapphire]

You mean when Napoleon sold the United states Louisiana for $15 million?

[Amos]

Yeah. You been down there, seen all them swamps and bayous and the flooded land, ain't you?

[Sapphire]

Yeah, I seen them.

[Amos]

Well, listen, if the boy that lost the Battle of Waterloo could swing a deal like that, think what a future there is for me and the real estate. Oh, me. I guess Sapphire was right. I had that ad in the paper for two days now. I guess nobody wants to buy that cabin up in Connecticut. I ain't had one nibble if I could get a fish to bite. One little nibble. One fish.

[Andy Brown]

Hi, Kingfish. Hi.

[Amos]

Hello, Andy Brown. Welcome to the aquarium.

[Andy Brown]

What's up, Kingfish?

[Amos]

Well, I was just thinking about you, boy. You know, Andy, this is the time of year when the robin redbreast wings its way north. When the swallows return to their homes in the trees, the pigeons to their roost and the doves to their nest.

[Andy Brown]

Kingfish, what is you getting at? You trying to sell me a box of them stale bird eggs again?

[Amos]

I was thinking with summer coming on this time that you made your vacation plan.

[Andy Brown]

Oh, well, I done made my vacation plans already.

[Amos]

Oh, you is, huh?

[Andy Brown]

Yeah. Me and a couple of the other brothers is gonna take a trip and go camping in the North Woods.

[Amos]

The North Woods? Yeah.

[Andy Brown]

Gonna cost us 3 or $400, but it'll be worth it.

[Amos]

So you're going to the North Woods. You're going behind nature's iron curtain. Tree studded Devil's Island.

[Andy Brown]

Is you inferring here that the woods is dangerous?

[Amos]

Well, any camping in the woods is all right for the experienced hunter and trapper, but it's sure death for the tenderfeets who don't know nothing about a neophyte like you. You're gonna camp out, huh?

[Andy Brown]

Yeah, we're taking all the equipment, sleeping bags and everything.

[Amos]

Sleeping bags, huh? You mean one of them bags you crawls into at night and then close the whole thing up with a zipper? Very dangerous, ain't it dangerous?

[Andy Brown]

After I zips the thing up, I safe inside the bag from the rain and the wild elements and everything. All I gotta do is unzip myself when I wants to get up in the morning.

[Amos]

That's it. Andy, you know how them zippers is.

[Andy Brown]

You mean they get stuck sometimes?

[Amos]

Stuck, Andy, while the north woods is full of sleeping bags that's been kicking around and screaming since last summer. Must be five or six hundred sleeping bags that hopping around like Mexican jumping beans.

[Andy Brown]

Well, I ain't gonna take no chances then. I just sleep out in the open.

[Amos]

No new open, huh? With all them ferocious bears around.

[Andy Brown]

What do you mean? A fellow explaining to me how all them bears is tame. They even walks right up and eats out the car.

[Amos]

Yeah, but what he didn't explain to you is that what they eats out of the cars is the drivers, doesn't he?

[Andy Brown]

Well, all right, all right. I won't mess with the bears then. I'll just go fishing.

[Amos]

Fishing? The summer is the worst time of the year to go fishing up there.

[Andy Brown]

I was afraid of that.

[Amos]

That's when the deadly rattlesnakes come down to the water's edge to shed their rattles.

[Andy Brown]

Holy mackerel. If the rattlesnakes loses their rattles, how they notify you when they about to strike?

[Amos]

Well, they don't send John L. Lewis around with no note, I can tell you that.

[Andy Brown]

You know something, Kingfish? I think I'm going to call off the camping trip. I'll have to think of some other place to go on my vacation.

[Amos]

Now, you say you got $400 to spend, huh?

[Andy Brown]

That's right. $400.

[Amos]

Sit down, brother Andy, and let me tell you about a cozy cottage in Care Free, Connecticut. Sit down here with me. What is this, Andy? You was called off your camping trip to the woods.

[Andy Brown]

Yeah, Amos, my feature's too tender. Me being a neon light and everything. The bears have eaten me right out of my sleeping bag.

[Amos]

Now, Andy, what is you talking about, the bears eating you? What is that?

[Andy Brown]

Oh, it's real dangerous. They comes down to the river every night to shed their zippers.

[Amos]

Shed their zippers?

[Andy Brown]

Yeah, they do that cause they got permission from John L. Lewis.

[Amos]

I don't know what you're talking about, sir. You was all hot on this camping trip, Andy. What made you change your mind?

[Andy Brown]

Well, Amos, I done bought a cozy cottage in Connecticut from the kingfish for $400.

[Amos]

Oh, the kingfish. Yeah. Well, I didn't know about this, Andy, but I tell you one thing, he was crazy to put up your money before you see the thing. Make sure he show you the place.

[Andy Brown]

Yeah, that's right. You was right. I'm gonna call him right away.

[Amos]

Oh, sure, Andy. Don't let him sell you no pig in the Poke.

[Andy Brown]

Yeah, Amos. And I'll tell you one thing. This time if he's trying to sell me a pig in the poke, I'm gonna give him a poke in the puss. I.

[Rexall Druggist]

Good evening, this is your Rexall family druggist speaking to you. For the 10,000 independent druggists who have made the word Rexall part of our own store names, we've done that because we recommend and sell the 2,000 or more drug products made by the Rexall drug company. Rexall Mi31 is a good example. This tangy amber color antiseptic kills contacted germs in seconds when used full strength, yet will not harm the the most delicate membranes of the mouth and throat. That's why MI31 serves with equal effectiveness as a cleansing mouthwash, soothing gargle or refreshing breath deodorant. Ask for MI31, America's many purpose antiseptic at Rexall drugstores everywhere.

[Amos]

Now listen, Andy. Hello? Hello? Look here, ain't no sense in shouting at me on the telephone. If you want to see the players, why, I'll let you see it. All right, Andy. All right, all right. We'll drive up there tomorrow. Okay. Goodbye. You want to see the players? What a dirty trick to play on me. Especially when I'll never be able to camouflage that dump. So we'll fall for it. Oh, me, I can't give him his money back though. Cause if he.

[Algonquin J. Calhoun]

Hiya, Kingfish.

[Amos]

Well, Algonquin. Jack Calhoun, how are you? How you been, boy?

[Algonquin J. Calhoun]

Oh, I've been over in the park, King Fish, There's a lot of excitement over there. They ratted some fella for feeding the ducks and done throwed him in jail.

[Amos]

Throw them in jail for feeding the ducks?

[Algonquin J. Calhoun]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. He was pulling them out of the water and feeding them to his air Dale.

[Amos]

Well, I have a little trouble myself, Calhoun. I had a broken down cabin up in Connecticut and I sold it to Andy for $400. Now he want to see the players before we consummate a deal. You know what I mean?

[Algonquin J. Calhoun]

Now there's a sneaky thing for Andy to do. Ain't that the place you thought the people was gon buy and put the hotel on?

[Amos]

Yeah, that's right. But the Double Cross men, they built the Monmouth Hotel about a mile on the other side of that four lane highway. Yeah.

[Algonquin J. Calhoun]

Wait a minute. I think I done got an idea here.

[Amos]

Yeah, what? Now looky here.

[Algonquin J. Calhoun]

No, just suppose Andy were to think that the cabin was part of the hot and he was entitled to all the hotel facilities.

[Amos]

Yeah, that was a great idea, boy. Yeah. Yeah. That's a big hotel with a swimming pool, tennis court, golf course and everything. Yeah, yeah. That'll sell him on the place. And then by summertime, I'll think of something else to stall him off. Yeah. Yeah. How you like that, Andy? Getting smart on me? The unexpected is always happening, ain't it, boy?

[Algonquin J. Calhoun]

Yeah, I say it is. Why, just today I got a card from my cousin Murgatroyd.

[Amos]

Oh, yeah, your cousin Murgatroyd, the Bobster. Yeah, yeah. Where is he now?

[Algonquin J. Calhoun]

Well, Murgatroyd is over in Paris. It seemed that he and another hipster, a friend of his, was sitting having cocktails in one of them sidewalk cafes in Paris.

[Amos]

Yeah.

[Algonquin J. Calhoun]

All of a sudden there was a big explosion under the street, and right before their eyes, two French workmen come flying out of an open manhole and went 90ft in the air.

[Amos]

90Ft in the air?

[Algonquin J. Calhoun]

Yeah. His friend turned to Murgatroyd and said, dig them two boys flying through the air. And Murgatroyd said, yeah, man, I wonder what they serving down there.

[Andy Brown]

Well, Kingfish, I must say that this is a wonderful hotel up here. Hotel? Hotel Monmouth, huh?

[Amos]

Yeah. Of course, it ain't open yet for the summer any, but you can see it's a great place.

[Andy Brown]

Oh, yeah, the nice hotel.

[Amos]

Oh, yeah. And if you meets a girl, when it comes to recreation, why, you can tennis court it. Or you can bridle, pass it or shuffleboard it.

[Andy Brown]

Well, when it comes to smooching, Kingfish, I'd rather back porch it, canoe it down by the summer house. But listen, you say the cabin I done bought is on the grounds of the hotel, huh?

[Amos]

Oh, yes, Andy. Of course, your cabin is a little more private than these right here around the hotel. Right in what we call the vicinity.

[Andy Brown]

Oh, yeah, There is, huh?

[Amos]

Yeah. I knew that you was the type of fell that enjoys your privacy.

[Andy Brown]

Yeah, but I found that I gets more of a kick out of my privacy if there's people around. Show me where the cabin is.

[Amos]

All right, Andy, roll up your pants leg and follow me. It's just a hop, skip and a jump from here. Just a hop, skip and a. Well, Andy, here we are. Yeah, here, you lovely cabin.

[Andy Brown]

Holy mackerel, what a trip. You say it was a hop, skip and a jump. We hopped over three barbed wire fences, skipped across a four lane highway just ahead of a Mack truck and jumped over that drainage ditch to get you.

[Amos]

Yeah, well, it was worth the trip any day. You is. There is your delightful rusty cabin that.

[Andy Brown]

Thing there with the holes in the walls and the roof half gone.

[Amos]

Well, it's designed that way. Ain't it what they call Swiss cheese? Modern. In a place like that, you can commune with nature.

[Andy Brown]

Commune with nature? The way that's falling apart, I ain't gonna be able to commune with the rain, the wind, the flies, and the mosquitoes without ever leaving the house.

[Amos]

Well, come on, Andy, let's go in and look at the place. Come on. Look at.

[Andy Brown]

Okay, okay.

[Amos]

Come on up on the porch.

[Andy Brown]

Holy mackerel, Kingfish. The boards and them steps is all loose.

[Amos]

Yeah, well, that's natural. After the winner, them steps just need a little tightening up. Open the door to Andy.

[Andy Brown]

Yeah, that door need a little tightening up, too. It fell right off.

[Amos]

Well, it's made that way, Andy. It not only keeps the wind out, but it doubles as a surfboard case you want aquaplane on it in the lake. You see what I mean? Now step inside, Andy. Get a load of this rustic splendor we got you.

[Andy Brown]

Say, wait a minute, Kingfish. This place is a mile from the hotel. How's I gonna get any service over here?

[Amos]

Well, Andy, the hotel sends a chambermaid over every morning to dust up the place.

[Andy Brown]

You mean she's gotta jump that barbed wire and cross that highway to get you?

[Amos]

Yeah, Andy. Course, with the traffic lights and all the trucks whizzing by, you may miss a couple of changes of sheets during the summer. That's one of the joys of rustic living. Ha, ha, ha.

[Andy Brown]

Yeah, but look here. This is just one room with a stove. Don't the joys of rustic living include no bathroom?

[Amos]

Well, Andy, like I say, you use the facilities of the hotel.

[Andy Brown]

You mean if I want to take a bath? I got a steeplechase across that highway in my bathrobe and slippers.

[Amos]

Yes, Andy, you can use any bathroom that's available. There's just one caution, though. If he walks in while another fella's taking a bath, it's against the rules of the hotel for you to climb in with him. You see what I mean?

[Andy Brown]

Listen, Kingfish, I ain't gonna take the place.

[Amos]

Now, wait a minute, Andy. You done paid me the money, you done made a deal. All this deal is closed. You can't get out of here.

[Andy Brown]

Yeah, but wait a minute. When I made it, I didn't know this place was such a broke down dump.

[Amos]

Oh, didn't know it. Well, there you is. You're stuck right there. Don't forget, ignorance is nine points of the law. Oh, I got you, boy.

[Andy Brown]

Yeah, that's right. Well, I guess if that's the law, there ain't nothing I can do about it.

[Amos]

Oh, you will love it up here to end.

[Andy Brown]

Yeah, but I tell you, with that chambermaid getting held up in traffic with my sheets and me having to wait for the light to change to take a bath, look like I'm gonna spend a pretty dirty summer.

[Amos]

Well, let me get on in my apartment here. I sure pull the fast one on that ender. Hmm. Well, see, the mail is here. Just one letter. Let me see. Mr. George Stephens. Dear sir, this is to inform you that we is expanding our present nine hole golf course and are interested in your property across the highway. We are prepared to pay you the sum of $3000 for Sam. Kindly let us know at once if these terms meet with your approval. Signed to Monmouth Hotel corporation. Holy mackerel. $3,000. And I done sold it to Andy for 400. Let me get that boy on the phone and tell him that deal is off. Oh. Oh, me. As the Australians say, when the boomerang hit him in the back of the head, this thing has done took a turn for the worse. I just hope that. Hello, Andy. Kingfisher, about the cottage. The deal is off. I gotta have it back.

[Andy Brown]

Well, I'd be glad to let you have it back, Kingfish, except for one little thing.

[Amos]

One little thing? What's that, Andy?

[Andy Brown]

I done changed my mind about living up there and sold the place to a Mr. Theodore Nelson for $700.

[Amos]

Oh.

[Harlow Wilcox]

Now here is your Rexall family druggist.

[Rexall Druggist]

I hope every overweight person listening will hear this statement. You can lose up to five pounds a week with Ann Delafield's new reducing plan. What's more, you can lose where it shows.

[Ann Delafield]

Sounds wonderful, but it sounds tough too.

[Rexall Druggist]

But you're wrong. Ann Delafield's reducing plan is easy. It's fun. You don't starve, you don't count calories. There are no drugs, no unbalanced dieting. Yet the pounds slip away as many as three to five a week.

[Ann Delafield]

What all does the plan include?

[Rexall Druggist]

Well, you get vitamins to keep your diet vitamins safe and delicious appetite reducing wafers for between meal hunger. Plus a complete beauty book with many valuable tips on menus, health and beauty.

[Ann Delafield]

All this must be pretty expensive.

[Rexall Druggist]

Again, you're wrong. Andelafield's plan costs less by the day, works faster by the minute. It's the easiest, soundest, safest way you've ever found to lose weight. If your extra pounds are not due to an organic Cause ask about the Andelafeel reducing plan. It's available only at Rexall Drugstores.

[Amos]

Well, Andy, here's the cottage Mr. Nelson that you done sold it to must be up here now.

[Andy Brown]

Yeah, that's right. That must be his car. He told the real estate people he gonna be working on the place all month, getting it in shape. Listen, you think this idea is gonna work and we'll get him out of here?

[Amos]

Well, it's gotta work, Andy. I can't lose that $3,000 that the hotel offered me.

[Andy Brown]

Yeah, but trying to scare him out by telling them they was building an airport for jet planes on these fields around here. I don't know if that's gonna work or not.

[Amos]

Now, listen, Andy, we got a break. You had a real estate company sell the place to him and he ain't never seed you.

[Rexall Druggist]

That's right.

[Amos]

I go in first like I said. And after I got him going, you bus in at the psychological moment.

[Andy Brown]

Yeah, yeah. All right, go ahead. I'll hide out here by the stoop.

[Mr. Nelson]

Come in.

[Amos]

Tightened up the door?

[Mr. Nelson]

Yes, what can I do for you?

[Amos]

You must be Mr. Nelson. Allow me to introduce myself. I is George Stephens, president, General manager of the Transcontinental Trans European Transocean and Transparent Airline.

[Mr. Nelson]

Airline? Well, what has this got to do with me?

[Amos]

Oh, nothing, nothing. I just wanted to get acquainted since we gonna be neighbors. Neighbors? Oh, yes. We is building an airport in the cow pasture next to you here. So it's only natural with your place being at the end of our Runway, why, we ought to get acquainted.

[Mr. Nelson]

What's this? My house is at the end of your Runway.

[Amos]

Oh, yeah. Of course, with the small pasture we got there, we only going to be able to have a Runway 80ft long. And with us flying the new jet transports off there, why, we bound to run into each other sooner or later.

[Mr. Nelson]

You mean to say that by my living here, my house is in danger from your airplanes?

[Amos]

Well, I wouldn't say it was actually dangerous. But if you were sleeping here some night and one of them super jet engines starts climbing in bed, would you don't stop to shake hands with it, that's all.

[Mr. Nelson]

Well, an airport way out here in the country, it just doesn't seem right to me.

[Amos]

Oh, I realize, Ms. Nelson, it's a long way from the city, but that's the way we and the airlines do it. You see, we always put the airport way out in the country. That way we has to haul the people out there in our buses. Actual the secret of the airline Is they makes their money on the bus fare. The airplane's just a sideline.

[Mr. Nelson]

Well I just can't believe you're putting an airport out here.

[Andy Brown]

Aye, a chief hire.

[Amos]

Well, well, well, now ain't this a coincidence. Now just look who walked in here. My head pilot. Excuse me Mr. Nelson. I'd like to have you meet the head pilot of our airlines near sighted Brown.

[Mr. Nelson]

How do you do?

[Andy Brown]

Yeah, wilco. Roger. Contact. Keep your flaps down and all that stuff.

[Amos]

What is the trouble? Near sighted. I noticed that you're wearing a bandage on your head again.

[Andy Brown]

Ah, same old trouble. Coming into LaGuardia Field I overshot that 17,000 foot Runway again.

[Amos]

Shot it. Hit anything this time? Near sighting?

[Andy Brown]

Yeah, I think so. But when I come back to the field I noticed they had a three foot control tower. I wonder if I'm ever gonna get to knack a land of them airplane.

[Mr. Nelson]

Hey, just a minute here. You mean you're a licensed pilot and you overshot the field?

[Amos]

Well now Ms. Nelson, I can explain this whole thing to you. You see he do it all the time. Last week on our western flight he missed Los Angeles completely.

[Andy Brown]

Yeah, yeah, I was lucky I had friends in Hawaii.

[Amos]

By the way Neil said it, I think you better be running along. I'm afraid all this talk about overshooting the field with the jets and stuff might have scared our neighbor Mr. Nelson here.

[Andy Brown]

Yeah, well so long Mr. Nelson. I'll be seeing you though.

[Amos]

You will?

[Andy Brown]

Yeah. With your house so close to the Runway, me and my co pilot is bound to be dropping in on you one of these foggy nights.

[Amos]

Oh, great pilot Brown. Oh yeah. Considered one of the greatest pilots of all time. Once we get the right bifocals on him, he gonna be unbeatable that way.

[Mr. Nelson]

Now look, I don't know what this is is all about, but I'm not giving up this place. I paid $700 for it and I'm not giving it up.

[Amos]

Now look here, it's, it's, it's. It's really a matter of life and death.

[Mr. Nelson]

No, I plan on spending the summer up here. I'm going to put a lot of money in this place.

[Amos]

Well look here, I tell you what I gonna do. I, I gonna make you a deal that you can't turn down. Tell you what I gonna do. I like you Ms. Nelson. And I gonna give you your money back. No go. Well now listen, I tell you what I gonna do. I'll make it the highest price. I can make it and this is my last offer. But you Gotta take it. I'll give you $1,000 if you vacate it right away.

[Mr. Nelson]

$1,000?

[Amos]

Yes.

[Mr. Nelson]

Well, let me see. Okay, but I want the cash by the first thing in the morning.

[Amos]

No delay, Yasser. Yassir. I'll raise the money some way and I'll have it here the first thing in the morning. Yassir.

[Andy Brown]

How'd we make out, Kingfish?

[Amos]

Not so good, Andy. I had to agree to pay him $1,000 by the first thing in the morning.

[Andy Brown]

Well, what's the difference? You still going to be $2,000 ahead when we sells it to the hotel for the golf course. But listen, tell me this. Where are you going to get the money from? You has even spent the money that I paid you.

[Amos]

Now look here. And I go raise it some way I desperate. I can't miss out on this $3,000 offer from the Monmouth Hotel.

[Andy Brown]

Yeah, but say, you know, there's just one thing that bothers me in this whole thing.

[Amos]

What is that, Andy?

[Andy Brown]

Why would a hotel want to put a golf course so close to an airport?

[Amos]

O well, come on in my apartment, Andy. I want to tell Sapphire and her mama about the big deal.

[Andy Brown]

Yeah, you say you done raised $1,000 and paid Mr. Nelson to move out of the cabin, huh?

[Amos]

Well, yeah, give him the money this morning. Now all I does is get ahold of the man that written me the letter from the Monmouth Hotel and I got all of 2,000 bucks to the good.

[Sapphire]

Is that you, George?

[Mama]

Yeah. Is that you, sky top?

[Amos]

Watch me rubbing this big deal into them two old goats. Oh, yeah, it's me gals.

[Mama]

See you got bird brain with you.

[Andy Brown]

How you do, Ms. Smith?

[Amos]

Oh, well, I got some news for you two gals. I done made $2,000 profit on DAT old broken down cabin and all I had to do was to raise a thousand bucks to get it. I was going in and called the man who writ me the letter.

[Mama]

Now hear that, Mama? Ain't that a howl?

[Amos]

A howl?

[Mama]

Yeah, you poor SAP. I wanted to play a joke on you. I writ you that letter offering you the $3,000 and I signed it to Monmouth Hotel.

[Amos]

Oh.

[Algonquin J. Calhoun]

What?

[Mama]

Ain't that a good one?

[Sapphire]

Yes, yes, Mama. She put a fast one on you, George.

[Mama]

Come on, daughter, let's start.

[Algonquin J. Calhoun]

Din.

[Andy Brown]

They show is laughing it up, ain't they?

[Amos]

Kingfish? I got an idea a lot of the humor is going to go out of the joke when they find out the way I raised a thousand bucks.

[Andy Brown]

How'd you do it?

[Amos]

I pawned Mama's $2,500 diamond ring.

[Harlow Wilcox]

There's no faster acting aspirin made. That's right, friends. I'm talking about Rexall aspirin. Laboratory tests prove that when taken with water the five full grains of pure aspirin in every Rexall tablet are ready to go to work for you even before they reach your stomach. Yes, there's no faster acting aspirin made. So take a tip from Harlow Wilcox. Never ask for just aspirin. Ask for Rexall aspirin at Rexall drugstores everywhere. They're the stores with the orange and blue sign.

[Freeman Gosden]

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, don't forget to visit your Rexall family drugstore. Thank you and good night.

[Andy Brown]

See you next Sunday.

[Amos]

Yes, sir.

[Harlow Wilcox]

For the one woman in 10 with.

[Ann Delafield]

Sensitive skin, there's Keranome, the beauty aids that are hypoallergenic carefully compounded of fine, pure, mild ingredients safe for most sensitive skin.

[Harlow Wilcox]

There's a safe, pure Carenome beauty aid for every possible need.

[Ann Delafield]

Created especially for the one woman in.

[Harlow Wilcox]

Ten with sensitive skin and sold at Rexall drugstores everywhere. Your Rexall druggist has presented the Amos and Andy show, transcribed and directed by Cliff Howell. This is the CBS Radio.