Amos & Andy - And The Winner Is

Summary

Podcast Summary: “Amos & Andy – And The Winner Is”

Podcast: Harold’s Old Time Radio
Episode Date: March 26, 2026

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Episode Overview

This episode of Harold’s Old Time Radio revisits the classic comedy of Amos & Andy with a feature called “And The Winner Is.” The plot centers around a beauty contest organized by the Lodge to capitalize on the financial success of a recent masquerade ball. The main comedic thrust emerges from the scheming around the contest—judges can be bribed, rules are tailored for convenience, and the supposed fairness of the event is constantly undermined by personal interests. The arrival of special celebrity judge Cecil B. DeMille sets up a satirical twist on the idea of integrity and favoritism.

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Key Discussion Points & Story Breakdowns

1. The Lodge’s Next Big Moneymaker (00:49 - 01:46)

• Following a financially successful masquerade, the Lodge officers—Andy, Kingfish, Amos, Fred—plan to hold a beauty contest.
• Practical considerations quickly arise: who will judge, who’s eligible, and most importantly, how to maximize profit.

2. Crafting the Contest’s Rules (01:19 - 02:49)

• Andy unveils the rules: “Rule one, you gotta be a woman. Rule two, you gotta be a woman with $2.” (02:28)
• Age and weight limits are set to slyly exclude certain local women, much to the others’ amusement.

3. Prizes and Sourcing with a Sense of Humor (03:01 - 03:23)

• The grand prize is a re-engraved silver loving cup from Honest Joe's Pawn Shop—its old inscription barely modified for the contest.

4. Bribery, Self-Interest, and Parental Influence (03:45 - 06:17)

• Mr. Washington tries to bribe Kingfish and Andy so his daughter Thelma will win. Kingfish plays innocent, but is quick to discuss "tokens of joy and happiness."
• Notable Exchange:
  • Kingfish: “Ain't no reason we can't just sit down and talk.” (04:31)
  • Kingfish (deadpan): “Everybody got the same chance to win. And if Thelma wins it, it ain't gonna be because of the $50 we's getting. Cause bribery is out.” (05:44)

5. Evaluating the Contestants: Satire and Sarcasm (06:06 - 09:19)

• Andy and Amos sort through photos of contestants, noting how beauty supplies from Barton's Drugstore are boosting appearances.
• Andy quips about one contestant: “When it comes to voting, it's a question whether to vote for the gal or the drugstore.” (06:50)
• They mock the appearance of Thelma Washington, offering comic exaggerations and pointed one-liners.
  • Kingfish: “Take the Rocky Mountains. They got bumps on them, but they're beautiful just the same.”
  • Andy: “Yeah, I know, but the Rocky Mountains ain't got ears like that.” (09:02)

6. Corrupt Incentives Multiply (09:54 - 10:20)

• Henry Van Porter, another judge, is also propositioned: If Mr. Snow's daughter Henrietta wins, he gets an insurance sale.

7. Judges Deadlocked and a Solution Proposed (13:37 - 14:41)

• Judges Andy and Henry Van Porter each champion a different contestant for personal gain, leading to a stalemate.
• Amos suggests bringing in a third judge and proposes—via an improbable connection—celebrity director Cecil B. DeMille.

8. Recruiting a Celebrity Judge (15:51 - 18:02)

• Kingfish and Andy pitch the idea to DeMille, initially met with polite refusal before his cook Amelia intervenes and convinces him.
• DeMille and his butler Hardwick share comedic asides about over-generous salary raises for the cook.

9. Judging Criteria Go Off the Rails (18:05 - 19:17)

• Kingfish outlines the scoring system: five points for beauty, five for personality, 25 for novelty, 50 for vigor, and 75 for ruggedness.
• DeMille jokes: “Any contest with a scoring system such as this could be won by either Hedy Lamar or Boris Karloff.” (19:06)

10. The Big Reveal: Everyone Has an Angle (19:29 - 25:35)

• Kingfish and Andy push for Thelma, Henry champions Henrietta, and both subtly try to “tip” DeMille to sway the outcome.
• At the final event, DeMille addresses the crowd:
  • Cecil B. DeMille: “You all want to know who is the winner... I hereby award the title of Harlem’s Beauty Queen to Miss Mildred Forrest.” (23:32)
• Both judges are shocked, as Mildred wasn’t even their fallback candidate.
• DeMille’s reason?
  • “She happens to be the daughter of my cook.” (25:35)
• The system of favoritism and bribery comes humorously full circle.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Andy Brown: “For 30 years, women's has been my specialty.” (02:04)
• Kingfish: “We giving five points for beauty and 75 for ruggedness... is this going to be a beauty contest or the Golden Gloves?” (18:31-19:00)
• Cecil B. DeMille: “Any contest with a scoring system such as this could be won by either Hedy Lamar or Boris Karloff.” (19:06)
• DeMille (on picking the winner): “There's one thing in this world which a person cherishes and wants to keep... It was for such a reason that I voted for Mildred Forrest. She happens to be the daughter of my cook.” (25:35)

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Key Segment Timestamps

• 01:19 — Announcement and discussion of contest rules
• 03:45 — First bribery attempt by Mr. Washington
• 06:06 — Judges review photos and mock contestants
• 09:54 — Henry Van Porter offered insurance incentive
• 13:37 — Deadlocked judges; suggestion to recruit DeMille (14:41)
• 15:51 — Introduction of DeMille and negotiation for his involvement
• 18:05 — Outlandish scoring system presented
• 23:32 — Cecil B. DeMille announces the surprise winner
• 25:35 — Explanation for DeMille's choice: “daughter of my cook”

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Episode Tone & Style

True to the original Amos & Andy style, this episode is marked by rapid-fire banter, tongue-in-cheek social commentary, and broad satire of American institutions—here, lampooning the concepts of beauty, fairness, and integrity by showing every character (even the high-minded celebrity judge) operating according to self-interest or personal connections. The humor blends old-timey exaggeration, playful insults, and the farce of committee politics.

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This episode stands as a classic illustration of Amos & Andy’s enduring ability to turn everyday schemes into biting comedy, capturing both the spirit of golden age radio and the sly cynicism of its era.

Transcript

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[Amos]

Andy. Andy.

[Kingfish]

Come on, let's go.

[Andy Brown]

Wait a minute. What's going on here?

[Narrator]

It's the Amos and Andy Show.

[Mr. Washington]

Yes.

[Narrator]

Welcome to the Amos and Andy show with their guest Tonight, Cecil B. DeMille. Brought to you by the makers of Rins. The annual masquerade at the Lodge last week was such a success financially that the boys decided to follow it up with a beauty contest under the sponsorship of the Lodge. Amos, Andy, the Kingfish and Fred Gwindell are in Andy's office discussing it now.

[Andy Brown]

Yeah, Fred, we're going to hold a big beauty contest with the Lodge in back of it.

[Kingfish]

Yeah. And as the contest manager, I can say that we're going to make a lot of money on it too. Well, now, that sound good.

[Cecil B. DeMille]

But ain't it a little soon after the masquerade?

[Kingfish]

Look at the masquerade. Last week we done took in $125. And that shows that the members has got a lot of money.

[Andy Brown]

Yeah. After all, Fred, the time to milk a cow is when she got milk, you know.

[Amos]

You see, the way we gonna work this beauty contest is to have the gals pay an entry fee of $2 and then send in photographs of themselves. Andy and Mr. Van Porter is gonna be the judges.

[Andy Brown]

Yeah, that's right. I already got a lot of the pictures here.

[Cecil B. DeMille]

Say, Andy, how did they happen to pick you for one of the judges?

[Andy Brown]

Well, what's wrong with that? For 30 years, women's has been my specialty.

[Kingfish]

Oh, yeah, Fred, when we is using Andy, we using skilled labor is.

[Cecil B. DeMille]

You got the rules of the contest worked out yet?

[Amos]

Andy, you said you was gonna work out a set of rules.

[Andy Brown]

Yeah, well, I finished them up this morning.

[Kingfish]

Good.

[Andy Brown]

Yeah, I got them right here. I'll read them to you.

[Kingfish]

Yeah.

[Andy Brown]

Rules of beauty contest. Rule one, you gotta be a woman. Rule two, you gotta be a woman with $2.

[Kingfish]

Oh, yeah, that's the entry fee.

[Andy Brown]

Yeah. Rule three, you gotta weigh less than 184 pounds and be under 38 years

[Cecil B. DeMille]

old, less than 184 under 38.

[Andy Brown]

Yeah, that's to keep out Madame Queen and the Kingfisher's Wife.

[Kingfish]

Well, you know, we gotta draw the line someplace.

[Amos]

Has you fellas decided on a prize for the winner yet?

[Andy Brown]

Oh, sure. We're gonna give her a beautiful silver loving cup with her name scribed on it.

[Kingfish]

Yeah, we got it over at Honest Joe's Pawn Shop. We got it second handed. It had a little scribing already on it there.

[Andy Brown]

Yeah, but we was adding something to it and kind of fixing it up.

[Henry Van Porter]

It.

[Kingfish]

Yeah. How'd that work out? How's it going to read again, Andy?

[Andy Brown]

Yeah, I got it written down right here. Here it is. Oh, yeah. Harlem Beauty Queen of 1944 and pocket billiard champion of Jersey City, 1912.

[Kingfish]

Come in, Mr. Wiseman, come in. What can I do for you?

[Mr. Washington]

Well, Kingfish, my daughter Thelma's entered in this beauty contest you're running here and I'd like to make sure she wins it.

[Kingfish]

Well, now, look, Mr. Washington, whoever's the most beautiful gal is gonna be the winner. That's all there is to it.

[Mr. Washington]

Well, I'll lay my cards on the table, Kingfish. Andy Brown's gonna be one of the judges, ain't he?

[Kingfish]

That's right.

[Mr. Washington]

You is a good friend of his. He could swing this whole contest. The Kingfish. If my daughter wins, I'll give $50. 25 for you and 25 for Andy Brown.

[Kingfish]

Mr. Washington, is I to understand that you was trying to bribe us? I want you to know here and now that this contest is on the level. And the thought of bribery is repulsive to me.

[Mr. Washington]

Well, if you ain't interested, I guess I'll be running along.

[Kingfish]

Well, now, wait a minute. Wait a minute. Don't go. Come here. Wait just a minute. You know, just cause I is against bribery, ain't no reason we can't sit down and just kind of talk.

[Mr. Washington]

Well, what's there to talk about?

[Kingfish]

Well, I was just wondering here that if your daughter was to win the contest without no bribery revolved, would you still be willing to hand out 50 bucks as kind of a token of your joy and happiness?

[Mr. Washington]

Well, look, if my daughter wins a contest, I'll pay you $50.

[Kingfish]

Yeah, you wouldn't want to up your joy and happiness to 75, would you, dad?

[Mr. Washington]

No, $50 is my top.

[Kingfish]

Yeah, well, I just asked you there. Tell me, what kind of looking gal is your daughter?

[Mr. Washington]

Has you ever seed my wife?

[Kingfish]

Oh, sure, yes. Seed her many times.

[Mr. Washington]

Well, they say that The Thelma's the spitting image of a mother.

[Andy Brown]

Hmm.

[Kingfish]

I see your problem there. Yeah, Trying to bring in a long shot, huh?

[Mr. Washington]

Well, put any way you want, but Thelma's in this thing and her mother told me to see that she wins it.

[Kingfish]

Well, now, listen. Everybody got the same chance to win. And if Thelma wins it, it ain't gonna be because of the $50 we is getting. Cause bribery is out. Oh, by the way, how soon after the contest as we get to 50?

[Andy Brown]

I tell you, Amos, I'm getting dizzy looking at the pictures of all these gals in the contest. Tell me this. Is they pretty or is I getting old?

[Amos]

Well, there's some pretty girls here. Now, look at this picture here. Now, there's a prettier gal as you ever want to see, Andy.

[Andy Brown]

Oh, yeah, Bernice Fletcher, huh? Now, there's something else. I happen to know that gal. And she ain't got no long eyelashes like that. There's the fake kind that you paste on. You get them over at Barton's Drugstore.

[Amos]

Yeah, well, she got nice long hair though, ain't she?

[Andy Brown]

Oh, listen, she ain't got no long hair like that neither. You get that at Barton's Drugstore, too.

[Amos]

Yeah, well, she'll make her look pretty all right.

[Andy Brown]

Yeah, but the only thing is, when it comes to voting, it's a question whether to vote for the gal or the drugstore.

[Amos]

Yeah, look at this next one here.

[Kingfish]

I don't think she gonna win.

[Andy Brown]

Yeah, let's see who she is. Oh, yeah, that's George Washington's daughter, Thelma. Amos, I wonder if somebody sent this picture in as a joke.

[Amos]

Well, I guess every woman thinks she's pretty in her own mind and.

[Andy Brown]

Yeah, well, she got a looking glass, ain't she? I show pity to a fellow that marries her with him every night is going to be Halloween.

[Amos]

Yeah. Well, now, let's see what's next here.

[Kingfish]

Well, hello there, boys. How is ya?

[Andy Brown]

Hello, Kingfish.

[Amos]

Hiya, Kingfisher.

[Kingfish]

Say, Amos, I don't like to be unpolite, but I'd like to talk to Andy conferential under his hat, if you don't mind. It's reporting.

[Amos]

Oh, that's all right. I gotta go anyway. Well, so long, fellas.

[Andy Brown]

So long, son.

[Kingfish]

Goodbye, Amos.

[Andy Brown]

What you want to see me about?

[Kingfish]

King Face, brother. And look here. I just been approached by a man that's got a daughter in the contest. Now, he is willing to give me and you $25 a piece if his daughter win the contest.

[Andy Brown]

Now, he wait a Minute, now, wait a minute. This contest is on the level. There ain't gonna be no bribery stuff.

[Kingfish]

What you talking about? Of course there ain't gonna be no bribery, Andy. We ain't supposed to be fluenced one way or the other by his money. But just in case his daughter do win, we gets it just as a token of his joy and happiness.

[Andy Brown]

Oh, well, that's different. Say, what's her daughter's name anyway?

[Kingfish]

Thelma Washington.

[Andy Brown]

Oh, her. Well, it looked like her papa's gonna save some money.

[Kingfish]

Is you got her picture there right here.

[Andy Brown]

Here she is right here. See?

[Cecil B. DeMille]

Uh.

[Kingfish]

Oh, the end of the trail.

[Andy Brown]

Kingfish. Ain't there no other papas that might want to give a $50 token of their joy and happiness?

[Kingfish]

Now, wait a minute, Anna. Let's not be hasty about this. You know, there's different types of beauty.

[Andy Brown]

Yeah, well, she is definitely a different. Different type, all right.

[Kingfish]

There.

[Andy Brown]

Look at the bumps on her nose.

[Kingfish]

Oh, now look, Annie. Like I say, there's different types of beauty after all. Take the Rocky Mountains. They got bumps on them, but they're beautiful just the same, you know?

[Andy Brown]

Yeah, I know, but the Rocky Mountains ain't got ears like that.

[Kingfish]

Yeah, it is pretty big.

[Andy Brown]

And they.

[Kingfish]

But on the other hand. And look at them eyes there. Oh, yeah, they got the same look in them that a papa had when he said he gonna give us 25 a piece if she won.

[Andy Brown]

Oh, yeah, yeah. You know, when you get right down to it, she is the most beautiful gal I done ever see.

[Kingfish]

You know, I tell you what to do. And being that Henry Van Porter is the other judge, why don't you send all these pictures over to him? Then we'll drop over to see him a little later in the afternoon.

[Andy Brown]

Yeah, we gotta make sure that when Henry sees the picture of Thelma, he don't make the same mistake that we made when we first looked at it.

[Mr. Washington]

Well, Henry, do you understand the proposition?

[Henry Van Porter]

Yes, Mr.

[Cecil B. DeMille]

Snow.

[Henry Van Porter]

In other words, if your daughter Henrietta wins the beauty contest, you will take out a $10,000 life insurance policy with me.

[Mr. Washington]

That's right.

[Henry Van Porter]

Yes. Well, I think I understand. And I might add that your daughter has a very good chance of winning the contest.

[Mr. Washington]

Okay, we'll see how it goes.

[Henry Van Porter]

By the way, Mr. Snow, when will you take out this policy?

[Mr. Washington]

The day after the contest.

[Henry Van Porter]

I get it. Goodbye, Mr. Snow.

[Cecil B. DeMille]

Hmm.

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[Henry Van Porter]

Let me look through this stack of pictures here. Come in.

[Andy Brown]

Hi, Henry.

[Henry Van Porter]

Hi.

[Kingfish]

Hello there, Henry. How are you?

[Henry Van Porter]

Hello, boys. Sit down. I'm glad you dropped in. There's something that just come up that

[Andy Brown]

I want to speak to you about. Yeah, something we want to speak to you about too.

[Kingfish]

Yeah. You know, Henry, about this contest, there's a lot of different ways to judge beauty.

[Henry Van Porter]

Yes, I agrees with that.

[Kingfish]

Tell me, Henry, has you ever seen the Rocky Mountains?

[Henry Van Porter]

Well, I see pictures of them.

[Andy Brown]

Yeah, and they're even more beautiful if they had ears. You got them pictures I sent up here, didn't you, Henry?

[Henry Van Porter]

Yes. And so far the most beautiful girl in the contest is unquestionably Henrietta Snow.

[Kingfish]

Now wait a minute. What does she look like?

[Henry Van Porter]

Well, I. Let me look through these pictures here. We'll soon find out.

[Andy Brown]

Yeah. Well, when you come to the picture of Thelma Washington, haul that out too. Wait a minute, wait a minute. There's Thelma Washington's picture right there.

[Kingfish]

Yeah. Now, as you look at this picture of Thelma, Henry, just kind of look at a little of a face at a time. In other words, I don't want you to sour yourself on it before you sort of get the hang of it.

[Andy Brown]

You see what I mean? Here it is right here, Henry.

[Henry Van Porter]

Oh, my goodness. Is you gentlemen serious?

[Kingfish]

I told you to look at it slow, Henry, and not bite off more than you could choose.

[Andy Brown]

Yeah, Henry, this gal's beauty is a different kind of beauty.

[Henry Van Porter]

Well, as a judge in this contest, I can tell you right now that I will Never vote for Ms. Washington up till now, it looks like Ms. Snow is obviously the winner.

[Kingfish]

Henry, now don't jump to no conclusions.

[Andy Brown]

My vote is going to Thelma Washington.

[Kingfish]

Gentlemen, it looks like we is in a deadlock.

[Narrator]

Well, no amount of argument has succeeded in breaking the deadlock between the two judges of the beauty contest, Andy and Henry Van Porter. With the Big Affair at which the winner will be announced only two days off, the situation is a bit confused. Andy, Amos the Kingfish and Henry Van Porter are in the office discussing it.

[Amos]

Now, you know, I've been thinking the thing over, fellas, and really I think the only way to solve the thing is to get a third judge to pick the winner.

[Kingfish]

Amos, that ain't a bad idea. Now, in thinking of people that would make a good judge, I got somebody that people believe in. That sound is the Rock of Gibraltar. A man that's full of integrity. A man that's fair and square from the word go. Who is it? Who is it? It's me.

[Henry Van Porter]

Knock on your life, Kingfish. I will not stand for it.

[Amos]

Well, I had a thought about who the third judge could be. You might think it's kind of reaching for the moon, but there's a chance.

[Andy Brown]

What is that, Amos?

[Amos]

Well, it just so happened that Ruby's got a friend by the name of Amelia that cooks for Mr. Cecil B. DeMille, the big Hollywood moving picture director. And he happens to be in New

[Kingfish]

York for a while.

[Andy Brown]

Oh, yeah, I was here to him.

[Kingfish]

Yeah, didn't he direct that big picture Reap, Gone with the Wild Wind, all that stuff.

[Amos]

Anyway, his cook is coming up to our house tonight and I was thinking that we might speak to her and see if she would ask Mr. DeMille if he would be kind enough to be one of our judges.

[Henry Van Porter]

Yes, the name DeMille in connection with our beauty contest would certainly lend class. Yeah, and I'm sure it would help the ticket sale, which ain't been too promising.

[Kingfish]

Tell you what you do, Amos, that's a good idea. Have your wife's friend amelia speak to Mr. DeMille and see if she can arrange an appointment for me and Andy. We'll go up to see him and explain the whole thing to him. Say tomorrow morning at 11 o' clock in the morning.

[Hardwick]

Oh, good morning, Mr. DeMille.

[Cecil B. DeMille]

Good morning, Hardrick.

[Hardwick]

By the way, Mr. Mr. DeMille, I've been over the mail. There's nothing of any importance.

[Cecil B. DeMille]

Now, that's fortunate, because I've got a script to read.

[Hardwick]

Oh, I did get a telephone call from Gary Cooper. He wants to know the release dates on his Picture the story of Dr. Wassell.

[Cecil B. DeMille]

I'll tell Gary it'll be early in June. And Hardwick, call off all appointments for today.

[Hardwick]

Yes, Mr. DeMille. Oh, there's just one appointment for Hardwick, please.

[Cecil B. DeMille]

I don't want to be interrupted today.

[Hardwick]

It's just that the cook wants to see you.

[Cecil B. DeMille]

The cook? Good Lord, why have you kept her waiting? Is she complaining? Apparently not.

[Hardwick]

She didn't say what it was.

[Cecil B. DeMille]

Well, give her a raise anyway.

[Hardwick]

But, Mr. DeMille, that's the third raise you've given her this week.

[Andy Brown]

Yes.

[Cecil B. DeMille]

Do you think it's enough?

[Hardwick]

Yes, I rather think so. You know, Mr. DeMille, I haven't gotten a raise in over a year.

[Cecil B. DeMille]

Can you cook?

[Hardwick]

I'll bring her in. Oh, Amelia, Mr. DeMille will see you now.

[Amelia]

Right in this way, gentlemen. Mr. DeMille, these are the gentlemen I spoke to you about at breakfast this morning.

[Andy Brown]

Huh?

[Henry Van Porter]

Oh.

[Cecil B. DeMille]

Oh, yes, yes, yes, yes. I had forgotten for a moment.

[Amelia]

This is Mr. George Kingfish Stevens, and this is Mr. Brown.

[Andy Brown]

Hello, Mr. DeMille.

[Kingfish]

Oh, yes. How is you? Just in from Hollywood, huh?

[Cecil B. DeMille]

Oh, I've been here for a little while.

[Kingfish]

Yeah. Tell me, how is everything back in the Cinnamon City?

[Andy Brown]

Oh. Oh, yes. Orchards to your last picture and all that stuff.

[Cecil B. DeMille]

Well, thank you, thank you. I understand you boys are running a beauty contest and you want me to be one of the judges.

[Kingfish]

Oh, yeah.

[Andy Brown]

So that's right.

[Cecil B. DeMille]

Well, I appreciate the honor, but I'm just so busy that I don't think I'll quite have time for it.

[Amelia]

Why, it would be nice if you'd do it, Mr. DeMille.

[Cecil B. DeMille]

Oh, oh, oh. Oh, well, I'd be happy to.

[Amelia]

Well, now, as long as that's settled, I'll get back to the kitchen and you gentlemen can talk everything over.

[Kingfish]

Oh, thank you very much, Amelia.

[Cecil B. DeMille]

Now, just. Just what is it that's expected of me in this contest?

[Andy Brown]

Well, sir, you see, you would be one of the three judges, Mr. DeMille.

[Kingfish]

Yeah. You see, we are going to work the thing on a point system in judging the different gals pitches.

[Cecil B. DeMille]

Well, that's certainly a fair enough way.

[Kingfish]

Yeah. So now we start off by giving five points for beauty. And then we give five points for personality in the face.

[Amos]

Yeah, I see.

[Kingfish]

Then we give 25 points for the novelty of the face. You know, if it's out of the general run, if it's different. And then we give 50 points for vigor and 75 points for ruggedness.

[Cecil B. DeMille]

Perhaps I. Perhaps I misunderstand. Is this going to be a beauty contest or something? On the order of the Golden Gloves?

[Andy Brown]

Oh, no, this is going to be a beauty contest, all right. It's just that we is approaching the thing from a new angle.

[Cecil B. DeMille]

Well, it's certainly broad in its scope. Any contest with a scoring system such as this could be won by either Hedy Lamar or Boris Karloff.

[Kingfish]

Yeah. Well, now, here's the pictures of the gals that's going to be in the contest up to now, Mr. DeMille.

[Cecil B. DeMille]

Thank you. I'd like to look at them.

[Andy Brown]

You wear glasses, don't you, Mr. DeMille? You want me to get them for you?

[Cecil B. DeMille]

No, I don't think I need them.

[Kingfish]

Now, this picture on top here is the gal that we favors. This is Ms. Thelma Washington.

[Cecil B. DeMille]

Oh, yes. Perhaps I'd better have my glasses. You know, eyes play funny tricks sometimes when you don't have your glasses on.

[Andy Brown]

Well, yeah. Here you is. Here's your glasses, Mr. DeMille.

[Cecil B. DeMille]

Thank you. Now, let me look at this picture again. No, it wasn't my eyes.

[Kingfish]

I wouldn't use no snap judgment on thelma Weissen here, Mr. DeMille. Beauty all depends on how you look at it.

[Cecil B. DeMille]

Well, let me look at some of these other pictures you have here. Say, this one's very attractive. What's her name?

[Kingfish]

Henrietta Snow. Oh, matter of fact, that's the gal that the other judge, Mr. Van Porter, is kind of leaning to.

[Cecil B. DeMille]

Well, with only five points for beauty, she may be severely handicapped. She seems to lack the novelty and ruggedness of Thelma Washington. Yeah, she certainly is pretty, though.

[Kingfish]

Yeah, she fairly pretty, all right, but in sort of an out of date way. You see? Now, look at them dimples there. Why, dimples went out with button shoes.

[Andy Brown]

Yeah, that's right, they did.

[Cecil B. DeMille]

Well, as I understand it, Mr. Van Porter believes that a beautiful girl ought to be beautiful.

[Kingfish]

Yeah, a crazy man.

[Cecil B. DeMille]

Mr. Brown, on the other hand, seems to favor the type of face that requires a lot of explaining.

[Kingfish]

Well, anyway, that's the whole situation, Mr. DeMille. It look like Henry Van Porter is going to vote for Ms. Snow. And Mr. Brown here is in Thelma Washington's corner. Now, use your own conscience, but kind of use these two votes to guide it. And then the night after tomorrow, you gets up on the platform at the Lodge hall and your vote is the one that counts. You announces the winner from the platform.

[Andy Brown]

Oh, yes, sir. And your cook, Amelia, will show you where the Lodge hall is.

[Kingfish]

Yes. Oh, by the way, Mr. DeMille, I think you ought to know that Thelma Washington's papa is a very generous man. And if his daughter should Win. There might be a five spot in it for you.

[Amos]

Well, it was sure nice of you to come up to our lodge tonight, Mr. Mill, and meet our committee and do this for us.

[Cecil B. DeMille]

Oh, that's all right. I'm very happy to do it.

[Amos]

Yes. Sure was lucky that we know the Amelia so she could ask you about it.

[Cecil B. DeMille]

Well, there's very little I wouldn't do for Amelia. Oh, Hardwick.

[Hardwick]

Yes, Mr. DeMille?

[Cecil B. DeMille]

Remind me to give Amelia another raise when we get home.

[Kingfish]

Well, there is a Mr. DeMille. It won't be long now. Matter of fact, they're going out on the stage now and start to make your introduction speech. Then you gets up there and announces who the winner is.

[Cecil B. DeMille]

And I present the cup.

[Kingfish]

Yes. By the way, one thing. Pardon me. I must. You know Mr. DeMille.

[Cecil B. DeMille]

Yeah, I know, I know. Tell them, Washington.

[Andy Brown]

Yes.

[Kingfish]

Don't forget about the fire spot. Well, I'll get on out on the stage now and start introducing you.

[Amos]

Oh, boy, there sure is a lot of excitement around here tonight, Mr. Mill.

[Cecil B. DeMille]

Yes, yes, this is a big night for everybody.

[Henry Van Porter]

Oh, Mr. DeMille, I've been looking all over for you.

[Cecil B. DeMille]

How are you, Mr. Van Porter?

[Henry Van Porter]

Pardon me, Amos. Mr. DeMille, there's just one thing. I'm in the insurance business.

[Cecil B. DeMille]

Yes, yes, I. I know, I know. Henrietta Snow.

[Henry Van Porter]

Yes, yes, and remember that.

[Mr. Washington]

Excuse me, Mr. DeMille. Would you please come out on the platform now?

[Cecil B. DeMille]

Yes, coming out.

[Amos]

Well, good luck to you, Mr. DeMille.

[Kingfish]

And so it gives me great pleasure and pride to welcome our extinguished guest, Mr. Cecil B. DeMille. Mr. DeMille, as final judge in the contest, will announce the winner. Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Cecil B. DeMille.

[Cecil B. DeMille]

Thank you. Thank you. I know you're not here to listen to any speeches. You all want to know who is the winner of this contest, so I'll get right to the point. After judging carefully all the contestants, I found it very difficult to make a decision. Because there are so many whose beauty certainly entitles them to a prize. However, I'm only allowed to choose one. Therefore, I hereby award the title of Harlem's Beauty Queen to Miss Mildred Forrest.

[Kingfish]

Well, how in the world could he have picked her?

[Henry Van Porter]

Gentlemen, you could have knocked me over with a feather.

[Kingfish]

Oh, wait a minute. Here come Mr. DeMille now. I think he's through signing them. Order giraffes over there.

[Andy Brown]

Yeah, I can't understand it. Kingfish. Mildred Forrest. She's even worse looking than Thelma.

[Henry Van Porter]

Henrietta Snow oughta been the winner.

[Kingfish]

Oh, what you talking about, Henry? Thelma Washington oughta got the Thing.

[Andy Brown]

Wait a minute.

[Kingfish]

Wait a minute.

[Andy Brown]

Mr. DeMille. Excuse me, sir. Can we see you over here, please?

[Cecil B. DeMille]

Sir? What is it, boys?

[Kingfish]

Mr. DeMille, we are shocked by your decision. That's what we is.

[Henry Van Porter]

Yes. I don't understand it at all.

[Andy Brown]

Tell me this. How did you happen to pick Mildred Forrest? Mr. Deville?

[Cecil B. DeMille]

It's this way, boys. You other two judges had your reasons for picking Henrietta Snow and thelma Washington. You, Mr. Van Porter, I know that selling insurance is uppermost in your mind. And you, Mr. Brown. I guess the almighty dollar is every bit as important to you. Well, I had a reason for voting the way I did. You know, there's one thing in this world which a person cherishes and wants to keep. A thing which today we value even more than money and which we'll do anything to protect. It was for such a reason that I voted for Mildred Forrest.

[Kingfish]

Yeah?

[Andy Brown]

Well, what is the reason, Mr. DeMille?

[Cecil B. DeMille]

She happens to be the daughter of my cook.

[Narrator]

Be sure to tune in next Friday night at this same time for another half hour of fun with Amos and Andy, when Andy has to hide from a 6 foot for sailor for 30 days. Our thanks to Cecil B. DeMille for appearing with us tonight. His latest production, the Paramount Picture, the story of Dr. Wassell, will have its Hollywood premiere early in June. And here's a tip. Listen for Betty Grable, Dick Powell and Carmen Miranda. A great combination all together in next Monday night's Lux Radio Theater presentation, Springtime in the Rockies with Cecil B. DeMille. Of course, that's Lux Radio Theater. Next Monday night, see your local paper for time and station. This is Harlow Wilcox. And before I say good night, just one more thing. This is no time to relax about saving fats. Now they're more urgently needed than ever for the precious sulfur drugs that will save lives. For ammunition that will bring us to victory sooner. Every drop, no matter how dark, is needed. You'll get paid. And you'll get two red points for every pound you turn in. Thank you and good night.

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