Amos & Andy - Candy for Caroline

Summary

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Amos & Andy - Candy for Caroline

Podcast: Harold's Old Time Radio
Date: March 26, 2026
Episode Theme:
A classic episode from the “Amos and Andy” series, “Candy for Caroline” blends romance and comedy with an unexpected criminal twist. The show follows Andy’s bumbling attempt to impress Caroline with a box of candy—only to unwittingly become entangled in a counterfeit money scheme operated out of his lodge’s basement by a colorful cast of gangsters.

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Main Theme & Purpose

The primary theme centers on Andy's attempts to win over his beloved Caroline (and her scornful mother) through a romantic gesture gone awry. In a comedic mix-up, a box of counterfeit cash intended for a criminal enterprise is mistakenly delivered alongside Andy’s gift—plunging the main characters into trouble as they get caught between love, misunderstanding, and a police sting.

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Key Discussion Points & Episode Breakdown

1. Gangsters Seek a Hideout (00:36–03:34)

• Three counterfeiters—Mike, Muscles, and Lou—search for a new location to continue their illegal money-printing operation.
• They settle on renting the basement room at the Mystic Knights of the Sea Lodge, haggling with Kingfish over rent.
  • Notable Quote:
    "We got a $50 committee upstairs that's got more sense than all the other committees put together." – Kingfish (03:18)

2. Andy’s Romantic Troubles (03:56–06:00)

• Andy is lovesick over Caroline, confiding to Amos that her mother disapproves of him for lacking money.
  • Notable Quotes:
    "Before, Amos, eyes done had the love bug to nip me. But this time he done chewed me to pieces." – Andy (03:59) "They ain't making it." – Andy, on mother-in-law jokes being real (06:00)

3. Setting Up the Counterfeiting Scheme (06:15–07:02)

• The counterfeiters successfully set up their operation in the basement and print $10,000 in fake bills, planning next moves.

4. Andy’s Candy Card Dilemma (08:04–09:49)

• Andy asks the “printers” to make a card for his box of candy but is rebuffed.
• He and Kingfish decide to use the press themselves, inadvertently placing his candy on a shelf while the gangsters’ money box sits below.
  • Humorous moment:
    "They must be working on St. Patrick's Day cards." – Kingfish, commenting on the abundance of green ink (09:29)

5. Candy Mix-up & Delivery (10:03–12:46)

• Andy asks Lightning to fetch the candy box from the basement and deliver it to Caroline.
• Due to the mix-up, the counterfeiters’ cash-filled box is delivered instead.
• Caroline and her mother discover stacks of bills. The mother's attitude towards Andy flips immediately.
  • Notable Quotes:
    "Now, I've always said he was a fine, upstanding man." – Caroline's mother (12:18)
    "If you like this, I'll send you £5 next week." – Andy's handwritten card, misinterpreted (12:46)

6. Unraveling the Chaos (13:02–18:32)

• Andy learns, via Caroline’s phone call, that she received $10,000 in cash—not candy—some of it discovered to be counterfeit at a store.
• Andy and Kingfish realize the “printers” are actually counterfeiters and resolve to call the police.
  • Comic panic:
    "Oh, you know something, boys? Them fellas downstairs as counterfeiters." – Andy (18:00)

7. Calling in the Authorities (19:29–20:10)

• Andy calls Captain Sanders at the 25th Precinct, who instructs him to stall the dangerous Muscles Morris until Secret Service can arrive.
  • Notable Quote:
    "Let me warn you though, this Morris is a killer ... so don't take any chances." – Captain Sanders (20:00)

8. Comic Standoff with the Criminals (20:32–24:41)

• Kingfish unwittingly seeks a gun from Mike, and both become hostages as Mike searches for his missing money.
• They stall desperately, culminating in a disguised phone conversation with the Secret Service.
  • Memorable exchange:
    "Here, have a piece of candy." – Mike (21:58)
    "No, sir. No, sir. I never touch it." – Andy (22:27)
    "Who was that on the phone?"
    "It's a girlfriend of mine..." – Andy, trying to dodge the gangsters' suspicion (23:36)

9. The Cops Arrive & Resolution (24:45–26:56)

• Police arrive in the nick of time to arrest the counterfeiters.
• Andy and Kingfish, in typical fashion, exaggerate their bravery in the aftermath.
  • Notable Line:
    "Oh, it's the closest I done ever come to getting shot." – Andy (26:33)

10. Final Comic Twist (26:53–27:17)

• Andy calls “Mom” (Caroline’s mother) for approval but is rebuffed now that he’s no longer (seemingly) wealthy.
  • Closing jab:
    "Don't you mom me, you big bum." – Caroline’s mother (26:56)

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Notable Quotes & Moments with Timestamps

• Andy (03:59): "Before, Amos, eyes done had the love bug to nip me. But this time he done chewed me to pieces."
• Kingfish (03:18): "We got a $50 committee upstairs that's got more sense than all the other committees put together."
• Andy (06:00): "They ain't making it." (on mother-in-law jokes)
• Kingfish (09:29): "They must be working on St. Patrick's Day cards."
• Caroline’s Mother (12:18): "Now, I've always said he was a fine, upstanding man."
• Andy (18:00): "Oh, you know something, boys? Them fellas downstairs as counterfeiters."
• Captain Sanders (20:00): "Let me warn you though, that this Morris is a killer... so don't take any chances."
• Mike (21:58): "Here, have a piece of candy."
  Andy (22:27): "No, sir. No, sir. I never touch it."
• Andy (26:33): "Oh, it's the closest I done ever come to getting shot."
• Caroline's Mother (26:56): "Don't you mom me, you big bum."

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Timestamps for Important Segments

| Segment | Time | |-------------------------------------------|--------------| | Gangsters seek a hideout | 00:36–03:34 | | Andy’s romantic troubles | 03:56–06:00 | | Counterfeiters setup and printing cash | 06:15–07:02 | | Andy asks for a printed card | 08:04–09:49 | | Candy box mix-up | 10:03–12:46 | | Caroline's mother flips her opinion | 12:06–12:46 | | Andy realizes the counterfeit crisis | 13:02–18:32 | | Police instruct Andy to stall the gangsters| 19:29–20:10 | | Kingfish & Andy held by Mike | 20:32–24:41 | | Police arrive, resolution | 24:45–26:56 | | The final comic twist | 26:53–27:17 |

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Summary

This episode masterfully mixes romantic comedy with light mystery, as Andy's plight to woo Caroline mistakenly propels him (and Kingfish) into a criminal escapade with counterfeiters. The humor unfolds in the misunderstandings around the candy box and is seasoned with sharp, memorable one-liners. The plot races to a conclusion with classic Amos & Andy hijinks—miscommunications, accidental heroics, and a stinging punchline leaving audiences both relieved and amused.

Fans of Golden Age radio will find all the classic elements here: fast-talking grifters, mistaken identity, and the enduring chemistry between the show's beloved core trio. "Candy for Caroline" stands out for its parody of crime drama and its gleeful deflation of Andy’s romantic ambitions.

Transcript

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[Narrator]

Good evening. The makers of the new Rinso bring you the Amos and Andy show with their guest tonight, Chester Morri. Our story tonight opens in a cheap hotel in downtown New York. Three gangsters whose only visible means of support is a counterfeiting racket, are desperately in need of a place to operate. They are looking through the classified ad sections of all the New York newspapers.

[Mike]

Do you see anything in that paper yet, Mike?

[Muscles]

No, not yet, Muscles, but here, here's the closest thing I see to what we want.

[Mike]

Yeah, well rated.

[Muscles]

It says high class store with big front display window.

[Mike]

Oh, fine, fine, that's great. We put the print and press right in the window. Now listen, dope, what do you think we're making? Flapjacks?

[Lou]

Yeah, Mike, that ain't no good for us. We was better off than the last town.

[Mike]

Forget that town, will you? I don't want to even hear that name.

[Lou]

Stop worrying about that, will ya? If they ain't found out that you bumped off that guy yet, they ain't never gonna find out.

[Mike]

Drop it, will ya?

[Muscles]

Hey, Mus here. This window sound bad.

[Mike]

Yeah, what is it for?

[Lightning]

Rent.

[Muscles]

Large room and basement, private entrance, respectable neighborhood. Reasonable rent. And get this, suitable for workshop.

[Lou]

Yeah, that sounds all right.

[Muscles]

Ply. Mystic Nights of the Sea Lodge Hall. Here's the address and phone number. It's up in Harlem.

[Mike]

Yeah, well, that might be just the place. You two fellas go up and take a look at it and if it's any good, grab it.

[Kingfish]

Well, gentlemen, I can tell you if you gonna use this for job printing or making letterheads and stuff, we can take all the old furniture out of this room and these benches and stuff and it's gonna look a lot better than it do. Now.

[Lou]

How much dough do you want for it?

[Kingfish]

Yeah, sir, now the money. Yeah, sir, about a month we were singing on 75.

[Lou]

$75?

[Kingfish]

That's just our dickering price, that's all it is. Yassir, I tell you the truth. Our committee, you see we has got a committee in charge of renting. And that committee feels and we agrees with them. And we voted on it and passed it. That $60 would be a fair price.

[Muscles]

$60?

[Kingfish]

Well, we gonna get rid of that committee. They ain't no good north. We got a $50 committee upstairs that's got more sense than all the other committees put together. And if you was $50 minded, mister, you got a deal.

[Lou]

What do you say, Mike?

[Muscles]

Okay, it's a deal.

[Kingfish]

Oh yeah, sir. And you will never regret it. And another thing, mister. Your printing press will be the only one in the neighborhood. You ought to make a lot of money down here.

[Lou]

That's exactly what we're gonna do.

[Amos]

And I ain't never seed you like you is in my life.

[Andy]

Before, Amos eyes done had the love bug to nip me. But this time he done chewed me to pieces.

[Amos]

You really in love with this gal, Caroline, ain't you?

[Andy]

Oh, I gonna tell you something, Amos. This is the first time in my life that I really want to marry a. Oh, I was crazy about her.

[Lightning (female assistant)]

I believe you is I can tell

[Amos]

the way you acting that you are serious already.

[Andy]

Yeah, I'd marry her tomorrow, Amos. The only thing is I don't think I good enough for her.

[Amos]

Oh, where did you get that idea, Andy?

[Andy]

From her mother. Yes, sir. She say she don't want me to call up her daughter no more and I can't see her no more or nothing. She say I ain't good enough for her.

[Amos]

Yeah, Well, I guess she wants Caroline to marry somebody that's got a lot of money and all that stuff.

[Andy]

Well, she told me this. She say that I can't support her daughter in the manner that she would like to become accustomed to.

[Amos]

Tell me this. How does Caroline feel about you?

[Andy]

Well, I get along with her all right. It's that mother, boy. She beats me down every chance she gets. Balls me out.

[Amos]

Yeah, that's too bad, Andy.

[Andy]

Oh, Amos, I tell you.

[Kingfish]

Well, hello there, boys. How is you?

[Amos]

Hiya, Kingsley.

[Kingfish]

Got some great news for you. I done rented the room in the basement.

[Amos]

Oh, you did, huh?

[Kingfish]

Rented it to a couple of fellows that's in the printing business.

[Amos]

Oh, gee, that's a swell job you done.

[Kingfish]

Oh, I know you boys would say that. Cause I really did work. I really did manipulate them fellows round. Say, Andrew, I don't hear you saying nothing about it.

[Andy]

Yeah,

[Kingfish]

what's the matter with you? Ain't you happy about what a done done?

[Andy]

Sure. Yeah, I was happy. Sure.

[Amos]

Listen, Kingfish and is in love he got his mind on this gal Caroline.

[Kingfish]

Still clears about her, huh? How you getting along?

[Amos]

He ain't doing so good.

[Kingfish]

What's the matter, Andrew?

[Andy]

Oh, it's her mother, Kingfish. You know all that stuff that people make up about mother in law?

[Kingfish]

Yeah.

[Andy]

They ain't making it.

[Lou]

Well, that's got it, Mike.

[Muscles]

Yeah, that looks like the real McCoy, Lou.

[Andy]

Look at that, Bill.

[Muscles]

Yeah, well, they can't make them any better than that in the government, men. All right, put those in the box with the other ones. Let's see, that makes an even 10,000, don't it?

[Lou]

Right. You know, Mike, if anybody'd have told me two days ago that we'd have the press set up and a job done by the day, I'd have told them they was out of their heads.

[Muscles]

Well, when muscle says he wants something done, we gotta get it done. I think of a good reason why not.

[Lou]

Yeah, and don't forget, the boss is coming here late this afternoon too.

[Muscles]

Yeah, you got all the dough in the box there, huh?

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Muscles]

Okay, put it in back of the press.

[Lou]

Okay. Hey, what happens now, huh?

[Muscles]

Well, we gotta go over to Brooklyn and get that $10 plate from Slats. And then we gotta meet the boss back here at five o'. Clock.

[Lou]

Right. Are we all set here now?

[Mike]

Hey, take it easy.

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[Lou]

Yeah, who is it?

[Andy]

It's Mr. Brown from upstairs in the lodge.

[Mike]

Is everything put away?

[Lou]

Yeah, we're all Right.

[Andy]

Excuse me.

[Lou]

Wait a minute, Buddy. What's on your mind?

[Andy]

Well, the Kingfish told me that you was doing job printing down here, and I was wondering if you could print a card up for me.

[Lou]

Print up a card?

[Andy]

Yes. Could you print me something on a card like this? Say, all my love to my darling Caroline from Andy.

[Lou]

Well, that sort of printing ain't exactly in our line, Buddy. Besides that, we're going to close up now for a while. We got to get over to Brooklyn.

[Andy]

Yeah. Well, you see, mister, I send the box of candy to my gal, and I thought it might be kind of nice if I printed something and then pasted it on the box.

[Lou]

Just ain't got time. Sorry, bud.

[Andy]

I sure glad you kept one of the keys to that new lock on the door in this room, Kingfish. Yeah.

[Kingfish]

Now, you sure the damn fellas ain't gonna be mad with us for coming in here and using this printing press?

[Andy]

Oh, no, they ain't even gonna know it now. Here's the press.

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Kingfish]

You think we can figure out how to work the thing, Ander?

[Andy]

Yeah. Wait a minute here, Kingfish. I don't want to get this box of candy dirty. Lay it over there, will you?

[Kingfish]

Yeah. I laid the candy up here on the shelf.

[Lou]

Hmm.

[Andy]

Ain't nothing but green ink around here.

[Kingfish]

They must be working on St. Patrick's Day card.

[Lou]

Yeah.

[Andy]

I don't see no type, no paper. They must do printing without words in it. This is a fine printing business.

[Kingfish]

Listen, and let's get out of here, will you? Why don't you write your own card? That'll be the thing to do.

[Andy]

Yeah, I'll do that. Might give it the personal touch.

[Lightning (female assistant)]

Did you want to see me, Ms. Andy?

[Andy]

Yeah, Lightning. I want you to go over and take this box of candy to my gallon. Wait a minute. What did I do with that box of candy?

[Lightning (female assistant)]

Now you got a box of candy for your gal?

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Andy]

What'd I do with it? I had it here. Oh, Mia. Oh, I know where it is. Yeah, I know. Listen, Lightning, you know that room downstairs in the basement that we rented to the printers? I left the box of candy down there. Get the key to that room from the Kingfish. Go down there and get the box, and then. You know where Caroline lives, don't you?

[Lightning (female assistant)]

I know.

[Andy]

Well, take the box over there and give it to her with all my love and affection and give her this card that I done rid up with it.

[Lightning (female assistant)]

All right, miss. And I'll do that.

[Lightning]

I'll get it, Caroline.

[Caroline]

All right, Mother.

[Lightning (female assistant)]

Is Mrs. Caroline in?

[Lightning]

What is it you want?

[Lightning (female assistant)]

I got a box here that Mr. Andrew Brown sends over here to Ms. Caroline with all his love and affection.

[Lightning]

Well, you can leave the box. But Caroline ain't accept no love and affection from Andy Brown.

[Lightning (female assistant)]

Yes, ma'.

[Andy]

Am.

[Lightning (female assistant)]

Well, I just doing what he told me to do. Here he is. And here's the card that goes with it. I gotta run along now.

[Caroline]

What was it, Mother?

[Lightning]

A box from that Andy Brown. Don't he ever get discouraged?

[Caroline]

Oh, let me see what's in it.

[Lightning]

Probably ain't worth even opening. What can you expect from a loafer like that? Ain't never had enough money to take your nothing but walking dates for the last two weeks. Of all the men that you ever gone out with, he is the biggest bum of them all.

[Caroline]

Mother, Look. Money, money. $20 bill. Hundreds of.

[Lightning]

Why, Caroline. Why, there must be thousands of dollars there. Why, the dear boy.

[Caroline]

And it's all for me.

[Lightning]

Yeah, with his love and fiction. Now, he probably didn't spend nothing on you up to now. Cause he didn't want you to know that he had money. And he wants you to love him for hisself. Now, I've always said he was a fine, upstanding man. I'm gonna call him right now.

[Caroline]

Let's count the money first. Oh, look what it says on the card. If you like this, I'll send you £5 next week.

[Lightning]

Caroline, you gotta be real sweet to him. Any man that gives away money by the pound must be awful rich.

[Andy]

And her mother opened the door, huh? Lightning.

[Lightning (female assistant)]

Yasa missander.

[Andy]

Yeah. What'd she say?

[Lightning (female assistant)]

She said that I was to take back the love infection and leave the box.

[Andy]

Her mother sure hates me all right.

[Lightning (female assistant)]

Yeah, well, Ms. Andy has two babies.

[Andy]

Wait a minute. Hello?

[Lightning]

Hello, Andy?

[Andy]

Yeah, this is Andy.

[Lightning]

Well, this is mom.

[Caroline]

Who mom?

[Lightning]

Ms. Waters, Caroline's mother.

[Andy]

How are you, Ms. Waters?

[Lightning]

Oh, I'm fine. How are you, son?

[Andy]

Well, I'm fine, I guess.

[Lightning]

Andy, I can't tell you how sweet it was of you to send that box over here.

[Andy]

Oh. Oh, that. Oh, that's nothing, just a trifle. I gonna send even a bigger box next week.

[Lightning]

A woman couldn't want a nicer son

[Lightning (female assistant)]

in law for her daughter.

[Lightning]

How big a box?

[Andy]

Oh, I liable to send you five pounds.

[Lightning]

Oh, you darling boy.

[Andy]

Miss Waters, I wonder if I could speak to Caroline, please.

[Lightning]

Why? Why, Caroline gone shopping and she gonna stop by and thank you later.

[Andy]

Oh, okay, Ms. Waters.

[Lightning]

Goodbye, son. Phone me anytime you're lonesome. And Sonny, I always want you to Call me Mom.

[Andy]

All right, Mom. Goodbye. You know something, Lightning? My gal and her mama is so crazy about candy.

[Narrator]

You remember Andy sent his girl Caroline a box of candy and made a big hit with it. Meantime, we now find the gangsters. Lou and Mike are concerned about a box too.

[Lou]

Hey, Mike, I can't figure the thing out. You saw me put that dough down behind the printing press when we left this morning. It was in a box.

[Muscles]

Yeah, it's got me stumped, too. But we better find out what it's all about before Muscles gets here. And he's due here any minute.

[Lou]

Hey, Mike, this box of candy wasn't

[Lightning (female assistant)]

here when we left.

[Muscles]

Box of candy?

[Mike]

Yeah.

[Muscles]

Say, wait a minute. Wait a minute. That guy that was in here about printing the card.

[Lightning]

Yeah?

[Lou]

Wait a minute. Yeah, who is it?

[Mike]

It's Morris. Open up. Oh, it's Muscles.

[Muscles]

Oh, hiya, Muscles.

[Lou]

Hello, Muscles.

[Mike]

All right, you got it ready?

[Muscles]

Look, boss, look, something happened.

[Mike]

Yeah, what?

[Lou]

It ain't our fault. We had the 10 grand all printed up. We went over to Brooklyn, and when we come back, it was gone.

[Mike]

It was, huh?

[Muscles]

Yeah, Bus.

[Mike]

Well, you better get it back.

[Lou]

Well, we was just figuring.

[Mike]

I said, get it back.

[Lightning (female assistant)]

Well, it ain't our fault.

[Mike]

I don't like no arguments, Mike. Who do you think took it?

[Muscles]

Well, Muscles, look. We had the dough in a box and we put it down in back of the printing press. Yeah, the box is gone now. But we found this box of candy on the shelf there. One of those fellows from the lodge upstairs come down this morning and wanted us to print some card for his girl or stick on a box of candy. That's all I know.

[Mike]

Muscles, give me the box of candy. I'm going upstairs and see him.

[Andy]

Yeah, Kingfish, I showed a head man with my gal and her mama.

[Kingfish]

Yeah, even a Mom Alexa now, huh?

[Andy]

Oh, the old gal is crazy about me. No, wait a minute. I'll answer that. Hello?

[Caroline]

Hello, Andy.

[Andy]

Who is this?

[Caroline]

This is Caroline.

[Andy]

Hello? I love you, baby.

[Caroline]

Andy, you know when you sent over the $10,000 this morning?

[Andy]

Oh, what is that again? $.

[Caroline]

Listen, Andy, you know when you sent over the $10,000.

[Andy]

Excuse me a minute here, honey. My ear been giving me a little trouble here lately. Here, when I sent you to.

[Kingfish]

What?

[Caroline]

Andy, you remember you sent me over the $10,000.

[Andy]

What number did you call?

[Caroline]

Andy, would you listen to me, please?

[Andy]

$10,000.

[Kingfish]

Oh, count me in on the deal, pardner. Dear

[Caroline]

Andy, do you know that the money you sent me is counterfeit?

[Andy]

You say the money is counterfeit?

[Kingfish]

I Ain't in this mess with you now, Andy.

[Caroline]

Hello, Andy.

[Andy]

Wait a minute. Caroline, is this you?

[Caroline]

Yes, this is Caroline Waters.

[Andy]

Well, Caroline explained to me more what you're talking about, will you, Andy?

[Caroline]

I went to a store with some of that money you sent over to me in the box. And I paid for a dress with a couple of the ten dollar bills and they gave them right back to me. They said it was counterfeit and I was so scared I'd run right out of the store.

[Andy]

Oh, well, wait a minute. What boxes you talking about?

[Caroline]

Well, you know, the box you had Lightning and bring over this morning light.

[Andy]

I sent you candy. Kingfish, get lighting for me right quick. He's out in the hall.

[Caroline]

Hello, Andy, you didn't send a candy. You sent me $10,000 in $20 bill.

[Andy]

Hold the phone.

[Kingfish]

Oh, here you. Xander.

[Lightning (female assistant)]

Are you Miss Andy?

[Andy]

Listen, Lightning, I'm going to ask you something. Where did you get the box of candy from that you took over to Caroline?

[Lightning (female assistant)]

Well, Ms. Andy, I looked all around the room in the basement while you told me and I found it kind of on the floor behind the printing press.

[Kingfish]

Wait a minute here. I put the box of candy up on a high shelf.

[Lou]

Uh.

[Andy]

Oh, you know something, boys? Them fellas downstairs as counterfeiters.

[Kingfish]

Let's get out of here.

[Lightning (female assistant)]

Yes, I see y'. All.

[Andy]

Wait a minute, wait a minute here, hold on. Kingfish, come here. Wait a minute. Hello, Caroline. I gotta call the police. Goodbye.

[Kingfish]

I gotta run along, Andy. I just remembered my wife wanted me to come home early today.

[Andy]

Wait a minute, wait a minute. Now don't. Don't leave me here, Kingfish. I gotta call the police. Yeah, call me. What do you think we ought to do, Kingfish? We is in trouble.

[Kingfish]

Wait a minute. The first thing you gotta do is to get that wee stuff out of it. I ain't had nothing to do with this. You know.

[Captain Sanders]

This is the 25th Precinct, Captain Sanders speaking.

[Andy]

This is Andrew Brown over to Mrs. Knights of the Sea Lodge Hall. I think we got some counterfeiters down to basement here. Mrs. Counterfeiters. How long they been there? Two days.

[Captain Sanders]

Say, are they making $20 bills on a hand press?

[Andy]

Yeah, sir, that's exactly what they're doing.

[Captain Sanders]

That sounds like Muscles Morris and his gang. Well, counterfeiting comes under the Secret Service. We'll notify them right away.

[Andy]

Oh, Yassir.

[Mike]

Say, you can do us a great

[Captain Sanders]

service if you see these men. Stall them until the government men get there.

[Andy]

Oh, Yassir Yasser.

[Captain Sanders]

Let me warn you though, that this Morris Is a killer. He's wanted now for killing a man. So don't take any chances.

[Andy]

No, no, no, no, sir. Goodbye.

[Kingfish]

What did he say, Andy?

[Andy]

He say the head of this gang is a fella by the name of Muscles Morris. And he's a killer, I tell you.

[Kingfish]

And I gotta get right home to my wife.

[Andy]

She's speculating. Wait a minute, wait a minute. Listen, listen. The police asked us to help them and install these fellas till the government gets here, you gotta stay here and help me. Kingfish, go out and see if you can find some of the brothers or a gun or something, will you?

[Kingfish]

All right. And I'll do it. I'll scout around.

[Andy]

Yeah, well, close the door after you. Now, as you go out there.

[Kingfish]

Pardon me. Do you know where I can get a gun someplace?

[Mike]

Yeah, I might. What do you want with a gun?

[Kingfish]

Well, you see, Mercer, there's a killer loose in the place here and we want some protection. Do you know where we can get a gun?

[Mike]

Yeah. Yeah, I've got one right here.

[Kingfish]

Oh, mister, you as a lifesaver. It's a lucky thing I run into you. Let me have the gun, will you?

[Mike]

The gun stays with me.

[Kingfish]

Yes, I just want to borrow it. Where is you going to be in an hour? I'll bring it back to you.

[Mike]

I tell you, the gun stays with me.

[Kingfish]

Look, mister, I don't want to get tough with you. Now, is you going to give me that gun or is I going to have to take it away from you?

[Mike]

Now, listen, I'm the only one who handles this little gun.

[Kingfish]

Watch out. Don't flip that gun around like that. Liable to go off here you get arrested for disturbing the pieces. Don't do that with that thing.

[Andy]

Is.

[Mike]

Is that your office where you just came out of?

[Kingfish]

Yes, it does. My office?

[Mike]

That's your office, huh? Well, I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I'll go in there and sit with you till the killer shows up if that'll make you feel safer.

[Kingfish]

Yeah, I said. Well, that sounds fair enough. I know. I feel much more comfortable that way. And so will my friend, Mr. Brown. And we got nothing to worry about. Now, just take it easy. Andy. I found this man here with a gun.

[Andy]

Oh, that's great. That's great. My name is Brown. You see, mister, there's a killer loose here in the building and naturally we're a little nervous. Have a chair.

[Mike]

Thanks, Brown. I wouldn't be too nervous about it, boys. Here, have a piece of candy.

[Andy]

Miss. Where'd you get that at.

[Mike]

I found it. It was left by mistake.

[Kingfish]

I think I'll be running along now.

[Mike]

Ander, Sit down. Did you hear me? I said sit down. Yeah.

[Kingfish]

So.

[Andy]

Thank you, sir.

[Mike]

Ain't. Ain't you gonna have a piece of candy, fellas?

[Andy]

No, sir. No, sir. I never touch it.

[Kingfish]

No, sir. No, sir. I don't want nothing either.

[Andy]

Keep this stuff.

[Kingfish]

I ain't seen a box of candy for 10 years.

[Andy]

12 years for me.

[Mike]

You know, it's a funny thing, Brown. I had an idea your girl liked candy.

[Andy]

No, I tell you, mister, she hates it.

[Kingfish]

Alva, it sure looked like a good Candido.

[Mike]

Yeah, it ought to be good. It cost me $10,000.

[Andy]

Yeah, well, them chocolate covered chairs run into a lot of money.

[Mike]

All right. Now look, boys. Now that we've become acquainted, where's the box with a moo in it?

[Andy]

Moo?

[Kingfish]

Yeah, the moo.

[Mike]

The money, the dough.

[Andy]

We ain't got the slightest idea what you're talking about. If we does get an idea, we'll get in touch with you, though. See you again sometime.

[Lightning (female assistant)]

Sit down.

[Andy]

Yes, sir. Yes.

[Mike]

Now, where's the money?

[Andy]

The money?

[Mike]

Answer that. And be careful what you say. I mean it.

[Andy]

Oh, yes, sir.

[Kingfish]

Hello?

[Secret Service Agent]

Hello, this is the Secret Service agents.

[Andy]

Oh, yes. Yeah, yeah.

[Mike]

Who's that on the phone?

[Andy]

Hold the phone. It's a girlfriend of mine, Mrs. Yeah,

[Mike]

well, make it short, Brown. And be careful what you say.

[Andy]

Yes, I will. Hello? Now, what was you saying, sweetheart? Darling.

[Secret Service Agent]

Hey, listen, who do you think you're talking to?

[Andy]

Well, listen, I is busy right now, angel baby.

[Secret Service Agent]

Say, what's the matter with you? Are you out of your head?

[Andy]

Well, you see, honey, I got company.

[Mike]

Now, come on, make it snappy. Give her a quick brush.

[Andy]

Hello?

[Secret Service Agent]

What difference does it make if you. Hey, wait a minute. You can't talk, is that it?

[Andy]

That's right, sweetheart.

[Secret Service Agent]

Well, the police called us up and told us there were some counterfeiters working up at your place.

[Andy]

Are they there now? Oh, yes, honey. In your office. That's right, sugar.

[Mike]

Come on, come on. That's enough of that, bud. Cut it out.

[Secret Service Agent]

Now, look, we'll be open in two minutes. Stall around and keep them there till we can get there.

[Andy]

Well, listen, honey. Tell that to the Kingfish. What'd you just say, will you? Here, Kingfish.

[Secret Service Agent]

Hello, this is the Secret Service agents. We'll be there in two minutes. I'll stall around and keep those men there till we can get there.

[Kingfish]

Okay, darling.

[Lou]

Goodbye.

[Andy]

I love her, too.

[Mike]

I'm going to give you exactly one minute to tell me where the money is.

[Andy]

Could you make exactly two minutes?

[Mike]

So you don't know nothing about that money, huh? I'm talking to both of you.

[Andy]

No, no, sir.

[Kingfish]

No, no, sir. No, no, sir.

[Andy]

Get out.

[Mike]

Then why are you shaking?

[Andy]

Well, of course, we always. We always shakes at this time of the year.

[Kingfish]

Yes, we is vibrating with health here.

[Andy]

We'll tell you everything if you just give us about a minute to pull ourselves together here.

[Mike]

Say, listen, are you guys stalling me? Say, hey, tell me something. That. That dame on the telephone a minute ago. Now, both of you. What's her name? Quick.

[Andy]

Caroline.

[Kingfish]

Hazel.

[Andy]

Yeah, Hazel.

[Kingfish]

I mean, Caroline.

[Mike]

That's all, boys. You got just 30 seconds to talk, or else.

[Captain Sanders]

Well, mister.

[Andy]

Mr. DeMoney, you see. Let me explain the whole thing to you.

[Mike]

All right, stick him up.

[Captain Sanders]

Is this the man?

[Andy]

Yes, sir. That's him right there, mister.

[Kingfish]

All right, put the cuffs on him.

[Andy]

All right, all right.

[Kingfish]

I think there are two more of them down in the basement, mister.

[Captain Sanders]

Okay, you stay here, Frank. Come with me.

[Kingfish]

Joe, you policeman. Just got you in the nick of time.

[Andy]

Yeah, this guy was going to kill us.

[Mike]

Allison Brown, Let me tell you something.

[Andy]

Sit down. So, Amos, that's the whole story. I finally got him down on the floor. I took his gun away from him. Then I pinned his shoulders down and held him with one hand till the cops come. Oh, it's the closest I done ever come to getting shot.

[Amos]

And I ain't never heard of nothing like that.

[Andy]

Oh, hand me that phone.

[Amos]

I'll bet you were scared.

[Andy]

I so glad it's over, Amos. Now I can unlax and be myself.

[Amos]

Yeah, I know, Andy.

[Andy]

Oh, I was a hero, Amos. I stalled that gunman. Oh, I'm proud of myself. And I know somebody else is going to be proud of me, too.

[Amos]

Yeah, I know you, then.

[Lightning (female assistant)]

Hello?

[Andy]

Hello, Mom.

[Lightning]

Don't you mom me, you big bum.

[Narrator]

Be sure to be with us again next week at the same time when the makers of the new Rinso again present the Amos and Andy show, at which time Amos and Andy will have as their guest the lovely screen star, Miss Ginger Rogers. Our program is shortwave to our armed forces all over the world. This is Harlow Wilcox speaking for all of us thanking Chester Mars for appearing with us tonight and bidding all of you a pleasant good night.

[Howie Mandel]

The Global Gaming League is presented by Atlas Earth, the fun cashback app. Hey, it's Howie Mandel. And I am inviting you to witness history as me and my Howie Do It Gaming team take on Gilly the King and Wallow Two secrets million dollars gaming in an epic global gaming league video game showdown. Plus a halftime performance by multi platinum artist Travy McCoy. Watch all the action and see who wins and advances to the championship match right [e-mail] that's globalgamingleague.com in partnership with Level up expo.

[Liberty Mutual Spokesperson]

And Doug, there's nowhere I wouldn't go to help someone customize and save on car insurance with Liberty Mutual. Even if it means sitting front row at a comedy show.

[Lightning (female assistant)]

Hey, everyone. Check out this guy and his bird. What is this, your first date?

[Howie Mandel]

Oh, no.

[Liberty Mutual Spokesperson]

We help people customize and save on car insurance with Liberty Mutual together. We're married.

[Howie Mandel]

Me to a human, him to a bird.

[Andy]

Yeah, the bird looks out of your league. Anyways.

[Liberty Mutual Spokesperson]

Only pay for what you [e-mail] Liberty.

[Lightning (female assistant)]

Liberty. Liberty. Liberty.