Amos & Andy - Car Theft And The Kingfish

Summary

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Podcast Summary: Harold's Old Time Radio

Episode: Amos & Andy - Car Theft and the Kingfish
Date: March 25, 2026
Host: Harold's Old Time Radio

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Overview

This episode features a classic installment of the legendary radio comedy Amos & Andy, centering on the Kingfish's hapless attempts to sell his beat-up old car in time for the holidays. The story rapidly evolves from comedic mechanical struggles to a supposed car theft and a farcical insurance claim—with all the usual zany misunderstandings and witty banter among the beloved characters of Andy, Kingfish, and friends.

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Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. The Struggle to Sell the Old Jalopy

• Kingfish’s Scheme for Quick Cash: With Christmas approaching, Kingfish aims to raise money by selling his dilapidated 1928 automobile. Andy helps him jury-rig the car to sound better, but mechanical failures abound.
  • “As near as I've been able to figure, I get about 13 on a gallon.”
  • “Miles? I'm talking about blocks.”
    (Kingfish and Andy, 01:31-01:35)
• Comic Attempts at Repair: Their attempts to fix the “knock” in the engine are slapstick—using bricks and hammers as makeshift solutions (“I think the knock was built right in this thing… Hand me that brick right there…”, 02:10-02:35).

2. The Used Car Lot Encounter

• Meeting the “Liberal Scotchman”: At the used car lot, Kingfish and Andy pitch the car’s “features” to the skeptical dealer.
  • “I want to hear with my ears. No ping and very little fun.” (Scotchman, 05:20)
  • After hearing the rattletrap engine, the dealer offers only $50, prompting Kingfish to hope for more elsewhere.

3. Failed Attempts to Offload the Car

• Rejection by the Junkyard: Even the local junk dealer turns down the car, fearing it would “spoil the appearance of his lot” (06:45).
• Public Gets Wise: Kingfish laments, “The public is getting wise to these fancy prices… You can fool all of the people some of the time and some of the people all of the time, but the public is a different thing.” (Kingfish and Andy, 07:38)

4. The Car is Stolen (or is it?)

• Comic Reporting of a Crime: Andy and Kingfish spot a thief apparently trying to make off with the car. Kingfish nervously calls the police, torn between alarm and the fact that his insurance is worth far more than the car itself.
  • “I could sell that car for $50 to somebody and all insurance I got is $200.” (Kingfish, 09:28)
  • After the thief departs, Kingfish bursts into a jubilant song ("What a wonderful day!"), seeing the “theft” as a blessing (10:40).

5. Navigating Insurance—The Fine Print

• A Tangled Claim: Kingfish seeks the insurance payout, only to butt up against baffling small print.
  • “Let's look at the small type on the other pages… the little type says that personal property is not Covered. Unless it is stolen out of the car while it is going at least 45 miles an hour.”
    (Henry, the insurance agent, 14:56)
  • “The big type gives it to you and the little type takes it away.” (Henry, 15:45)
  • He faces “97 different blanks” to fill out for the “No Red Tape Insurance Company” (16:58).

6. Kingfish’s Lies Start to Unravel

• Encounter with Andy: Andy claims to have seen the car parked on Lenox Avenue. Kingfish invents a wild story about Andy suffering from “Sahara Desert astigmatism” and “mirages” to explain it away.
  • “Now why is you gotta stick your nose… Now, wait a minute now, you ain't seized my car, Andy. Yes, I is.” (Kingfish and Andy, 17:55-18:06)
• Goofy Medical Nonsense: He riffs on the definition of a “mirage” in comically wrong medical terms (18:51).

7. Gabby the Lawyer and Detective Nonsense

• Gabby Offers to Help: Kingfish's friend Gabby insists he can find the car, boasting of his “FBI” credentials (“Fenders, Bumpers and Ignition”) and recounting his “trailing” exploits, much to Kingfish’s exasperation (20:14-21:22).
• Musical Interlude: There’s a musical segment referencing “Uncle Remus” and “Song of the South,” blending vaudeville showmanship with song (10:50-12:24).

8. The Real Outcome: Mistaken Identity and the $25 Reward

• The “Thief” Returns: Andy reports that the “thief” is bringing the car back due to conscience, but the visitor turns out to be the Good Samaritan who found and returned the car—hoping for the $25 reward (24:20).
  • “I just wanted to thank you for the $25 reward.” (Frank Thompson, 25:21)
• Kingfish’s Plan Backfires: Not only does Kingfish lose out on the insurance money, but he must also pay the reward.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Mechanical Miseries:
  • “I think you got kennel ration in your gas.” (Andy, 02:08)
  • “Cut it off! Cut it off! We was all right till that duck flew in there.” (Kingfish, 02:46)
• Insurance Small Print Satire:
  • “That personal property is not Covered. Unless it is stolen out of the car while it is going at least 45 miles an hour.” (Henry, 15:06)
  • “The big type gives it to you and the little type takes it away.” (Henry, 15:45)
• Mirage Mishap:
  • “You done see a mirage? There's a epidemic going around. Seems some sand from the Sahara Desert blowed Over here...” (Kingfish, 18:37)
• Justifying the Thief:
  • “Jail ain't the right kind of environment for a man just starting out in crime.” (Kingfish, 23:02)
• Reward Irony:
  • “I'm the fellow that found your car and took it over to your home. And I just wanted to thank you for the $25 reward.” (Frank Thompson, 25:21)

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• [01:29] — Kingfish and Andy attempt to repair the car
• [04:48] — Negotiation with the “Liberal Scotchman” used car dealer
• [07:35] — Rejection by junkyard and Andy's observation on public savvy
• [09:23] — Car theft discovered and police called
• [10:40] — Kingfish jubilantly sings about his good fortune
• [14:22] — Kingfish visits the insurance agent, the fine print is revealed
• [17:55] — Andy confronts Kingfish about seeing the car
• [20:10] — Gabby offers his detective services, comic monologue
• [24:20] — The “thief” returns the car, reveals himself as the good samaritan
• [25:21] — Reward ironies and Kingfish’s final comeuppance

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Tone and Style

The tone remains breezy, rapid-fire, and farcically self-deprecating, faithful to the comedic and vaudeville roots of Amos & Andy. Wordplay, exaggerated logic, and friendly ribbing keep the energy high throughout.

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Conclusion

This episode is a quintessential Amos & Andy farce—Kingfish’s classic blend of optimistic scheming and hapless defeat, couched in hilarious dialogue and absurd, circular reasoning. It’s a lively window into golden-era radio humor, as relevant in its satire of insurance bureaucracy and get-rich-quick hopes as ever.

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Transcript

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[Kingfish]

Listen, the man is just about to say it. Yeah, let's everybody listen.

[Narrator/Commercial Announcer]

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[Kingfish]

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[Kingfish]

favorite, Amos and Andy.

[Narrator/Commercial Announcer]

With Christmas fast approaching, the Kingfish has hit upon a way to raise some quick cash. To buy presents, he's decided to sell his old 1928 automobile. Right now we find Andy and the Kingfish about to make some repairs on the car before taking it down to a used car dealer.

[Kingfish]

Y this year, some car you got. King. King, how much gas does this thing use? Well, brother Andy, as near as I've been able to figure, I get about 13 on a gallon. 13 miles on a gallon ain't bad. Miles? I'm talking about blocks. Oh, yeah? Well, who are you going to sell this car to, Kingsley? Sell it? Well, there's a used car dealer in town and it that they're going to sell it to. Which one is that? He calls himself the liberal Scotchman. The only one thing about him before he'll buy the car, he's got to have a smooth running motor. And Andy, we gotta work on it and take the knock out of this motor. Well, that might be hard to do. I think the knock was built right in this thing. You know it. Yeah. Well, let's start working on here, see if we can't get the knock out of it. All right. Hey, look here, Kingfish. You got a flat tire. Oh, that's easy to fix. Them tires come right off the car. I got the mountable rim. Well, get in the car and start up the motor. Yeah, let me open the door and get in here. You got their mountable doors. Andy, you better get in the car and start up the motor. All right. Yeah, get in there now. You ready? Yeah, here I go. What you think of that, Andy? You got a thing in there. All right, I'll shut it off. Let me get this monkey around here and tighten up something around here. Yeah, get this thing right here. All right, now. Now start it up again. You ready? Yeah. Here we go. Cut it off. Cut it off. Well, what do you think? And I think you got kennel ration in your gas. Wait a minute. Let me try something else here with this hammer. You ready? Yeah. Start it up. Cut it off. Cut it off. We was all right till that duck flew in there. Yeah. I got one more idea here, Brother Andy, hand me that brick right there. What you gonna do with that kingfish? Well, I gonna use this brick for a wedge so it'll close up part of the crack in the cylinder head. Yeah, that'll hold it till you can get it done right with baling head out of holy. Till we sell it anyway. Start it up again, Anna. Okay, here we go. Hey, that's good. But that ain't gonna last long. That's only temporary. Now, wait a minute. Don't ride it no more than you got. Annie. Cut it off. Cut it off. Cut it off. Now what do we do now? Well, it goes down to the liberal Scotland and you hold the door and I'll drive with one hand to keep the windshield from falling. Well, I'll stop right here in the middle of this lock. Here's his lot. Right. Yeah. Okay.

[Narrator/Commercial Announcer]

Okay.

[Kingfish]

Yeah. Here comes the liberal Scotchman now. Yeah. Hello, Mr. How do you do? Tell me this is you. The liberal Scotland would not. Who else? We want to sell you this car. It's a 1928. Model. 1928. Boys, please, I'm here for business, not to reminisce when I tell you what. Look at the interior, Mrs. I'd rather look on the inside. Yeah, well, just look at that dashboard. It's only a speedometer. Yeah, it ain't all cluttered up with a lot of stuff. I've seen more instruments on a gas range. Well, don't you buy a lot of second hand cars? Most. Of course. I've got used car lots in every state in the Union. New York, Pennsylvania and New Jersey. Where else? There's more. Well, tell me this. What will you give us for this? My friend, first I would like to hear the motor. How the motor runs. Well, we got a smooth running motor and I want to hear with my ears. No ping and very little fun. Yeah. Well, I'll start it. I'll start up here. Here we go. That's enough. That's enough. How much will you give us for it? $50 with all the animals. $50? That ain't nothing. Well, how much do you want? How much do you want? A hundred dollars. Kill your ball. So, King s, you're having trouble, huh? Oh, yes. Bull Emerald's ain't been able to sell McCaw to none of the used car dealers in town. Well, maybe you've been hitting the wrong market, Kingfish. Yeah, you ought to try an antique shop, Kingfisher. Say, Amos, did you talk to that junkyard man about the Kingfisher's car? Yeah, I talked to Joe about the car. He owns that big place on the corner with all the junk heaped up on it, you know. Yeah. Well, would he buy the car? He told me that he thought it would spoil the appearance of his lot. That's what he said. Yeah. Kingfish, you might have to repaint us before the junk man will take it. Yeah, well, you know, the public is getting wise to these fancy prices. And that car of yours ain't no steal no matter what they charge you. Well, see you later, fellas. So long. So long. So long. Why is the public got to get wise just when I want to sell something? You know, Kingfish, you can fool all of the people some of the time and some of the people all of the time, but the public is a different thing. Yeah, you put your finger right on it. And you know, Kingfish, you might sell that car to some out of town junk where they ain't got no public and that would. Hey, wait a minute, Kingfish. Look out the window here, quick. Yeah. What's the matter, Andy? What's the matter? Look at that. There's a fell climbing in your car out there. It looks like you're going to steal it. Holy mackerel, you're right. He going to steal it. And look here, you keep watching him out the window while I get on the telephone and call the police. Okay? Okay. Operator. Operator. Oh, oh, I forgot. I got to dial over. Oh, he's busy trying to get some keys in the ignition. Oh, operator, the police station. Hurry up, quick. He's working on it. Oh me? Why don't they answer? I could sell that car for $50 to somebody and all insurance I got is $200. Wait a minute. 200 insurance? Brother Andy, is the man going with the call? Ya, he got the key in the ignition but he can't get it going. What must we do? Go out there and show him how to start? I mean. Wait a minute, I'm so nervous here, Andy. No, he got it started. He's pulling out good. I mean, bad. 200 in two. Oh, there he goes. Kingfish down the street. Yeah, there he goes out of sight. Wait a minute. Hello, police station. Oh, hello, Sergeant Smith. This is George Thielen. Yes, I'm glad you remembered me. Yeah, I want to report something. You remember that secondhand car I had? That was well done. Somebody done stole the thing. Goodbye. Hey, what's going on here? Oh, Andy. I really a happy man. Yipsy. Yes, sir, I is happy. Zip city do does My, oh, my, what a wonderful day. Blue bird on my shoulder. It's the truth, it's actual Everything is satisfactory. Wonderful feeling, wonderful day. Sippadoo da doobie. There's a guy on the radio, Gabby the lawyer, and he's on our show. He's always talking and running his mouth. So they made him a movie star in Song of the South. Now he can be heard as well as seen because he plays Uncle Rema on the screen. Uncle Remus. Uncle Remus. Call for Uncle Rima. Come along now. Sing your song now, Zippity. A My, oh, my, what a wonderful day. Plenty of sunshine hit my w dip. Miss the blueberries on my shoulder Hippity too Just action. Everything inside is bachelor. Wonderful, wonderful day. You heard what Al said. That's what Uncle Rema said. You can tell he feels okay. He's this body who dies on his way simply to d. My, oh, my, what a wonderful day. There's plenty of sunshine ahead My way. Fantastic, lovely, lovely. It's got me rever. It's satisfactional life. It's really actual. And again I say what a wonderful day.

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[Bleacher Report Announcer]

The Bleacher Report app is your destination for sports right now. The NBA is heating up. March Madness is here, and MLB is almost back. Every day there's a new headline, a new highlight, a new moment you've got to see for yourself. That's why I stay locked in with the Bleacher Report Apple. For me, it's about staying connected to my sports. I can follow the teams I care about, get real time scores, breaking news and highlights all in one place. Download the Bleacher Report app today so you never miss a moment.

[Kingfish]

Henry, I insured my car through you and here's the policy. And I was happy to report that the car has been stolen. Stolen car. Too bad. Too bad. Now let me take a look at the policy here. Mm. Did you have any personal property in the car? No. You know, this is a blanket policy. Come to think of it, there was a couple of blankets in the car. What kind of blanket? Oh, any kind. I ain't fussy. It was there. I think my wife had a fur coat locked up in the glove compartment too. Well, now, let's see. In the big pipe on the first page of the policy here, I can't find nothing that says you ain't covered. Oh, well, that's good, Henry. Now let's look at the small type on the other pages. Ain't no small type. There ain't nothing but some. Just some straight lines there. Lines? My dear insured friend, that's printing. Let me get out my magnifying glass. Ah, here's where we have you. Let me see through that glass one. There is some reading in the day, ain't it? Look here. Can we go by the big type? No, that's just for the naked eye reading. Now I see here through the magnifying glass, the little type says that personal property is not Covered. Unless it is stolen out of the car while it is going at least 45 miles an hour. People like that gotta have some greyhound blood in a minute. Well, that's right here in the small type. Yeah, well, you know, this part of, like the lease on your house. The big type gives it to you and the little type takes it away. That's what it is. I represent one company that uses invisible ink. They ain't paid out a claim in 12 years. Yeah, well, then I don't get nothing on my personal profit, huh? I'm afraid not, Kingfish. And even if he was lucky enough to get by the small trap, you'd still get caught by the waivers and the loopholes. Oh, you got them in there too? Yeah. Yeah. Well, what about the $200 on automobile insurance? They ain't gonna magnify me out of that, is it? Oh, no, no. You'll collect that without any trouble. The insurance company will just make a routine investigation. We'll have an insurance investigator come around to see you and then send you a check for the 200. Yeah, send the man over to see me. Oh, that's great, Henry. Oh, this is very simple. Now, Kingfish, here is 97 different blanks that I want you to sit down and fill out. It'll just take you a couple of days. Why have I got to do all that? It's the rule of the no red Tape Insurance company. Well, now, let me see here. Got $200 coming in. That'll take care of my Christmas friends. I certainly hope you never find that old jalopy. I ought to get a present and give it to the thief. See if I can find any. Hey, I'll think that I. Look. Hey, Kingfish. Kingfish, I was looking for you. I just seen your car parked over on Lenox Avenue. Well, wait a minute now. Why is you gotta stick your nose. Now, wait a minute now, you ain't seized my car, Andy. Yes, I is. It was parked right near the corner of 145th Street. No, now, wait a minute. Now, sit down, Brother Andy, and don't get excited. Just try to keep calm and unlaxed and this eye trouble of yours will go away in no time. Oh, wait a minute, Dean. Doesn't matter. Andy, old pal, I hate to tell you this, but you see the mirage. You has got what is known as the Sahara Desert astigmatism. Just a mirage. You done see a mirage? Yeah, there's a. There's a epidemic going around. It seems that some sand from the Sahara Desert blowed Over here to get into people's eyes and make them think they're looking at something that they ain't seeing. Oh, listen King Finch, I know it was your car cause the radiator was weak. Well now that proves it right there. And it wouldn't be no mirage if it wasn't water in it. You know, I know I was right cause yours was the only car on the block. Yeah, probably a one man mirage. I know what it is. Yes. Wait a minute. What is this mirage stuff? Yeah, well I'll explain it to you. And a mirage is an optical collusion. A trick that your eyes play on you. It's called by. It's caused by the eyeballs rotating around instead of the sockets. That's what it is. No food, Jonas. Oh yeah. And when the muscles of the belladonna presses on the cornea of the iris, it throws the eyebrows of the floor. Focus. That's what you. Is that right? Yeah. Instead of having 2020 vision, you got two off 10. That's 60. That's what. But listen, King Chris, I know the car was there cuz I walked up and truck. Yeah, funny thing about this eye trouble. It also affects your fingers too. Oh, wait a minute here. How can you catch eye trouble in your fingers? Ey, rubbing your eyes? It's computers by the way, and I. You ain't told nobody about seeing or feeling. This mirage is you? No, only you. Oh, that's good. Now don't mention it to nobody cuz they are throwing people right into hospital for seeing mirages in the city. Yeah, well I don't want to be stuck in no hospital. Well then just keep your big mouth shut and keep your eyes shut too. Then. Ain't nobody going to find out nothing, you see. Okay King, and thanks for explaining what's wrong with my eyes. Oh, you're welcome. I could have swore I'd see your automobile. Hello. Come in, Gabby, come in. Ha ha. King Fish. Yeah, Gabby, I got some news. My old wreck is gone. Now where'd she go? Back to her mother? No, no, no. My automobile was stolen. Well, congratulations. Well, now wait a minute, Gabby. If you had a car like mine that was insured for $200 and you caught the thief that stole it, what would you say to him? Well, first I'd reach out and grab him right by the collar. I'd pull him up to me. I look him right in the eye, I'd say, did you steal my car? And when he says yes, I'd say to him, I'd say lovely, lovely yeah, the insurance company is investigating the thing. Oh, then this car deal was read on the up and up. Oh, certainly on the up and up. Oh, yeah, nothing shaky about this. I even got a $25 reward at home for whoever find the car just to show the insurance company that it's on the level, you know. 25 reward, huh? Well, in that case, I'm going right out and look for, you know, as a sideline to my law work. I'm a detective, too. Oh, now, Gary, wait a minute. Now, now, don't bother with looking for the car. No, you never find this thing. What you mean I never find. I was a good detective. I worked as a FBI man in a garage. FBI man? Yeah, fenders, bumpers and ignition. You do detective work, huh? Yes, indeed. I was expert at trailing. I need an expert. All day long I trail dangerous men. Yeah, but what about at night? I trail women. I'll never forget, there was a woman once who was wanted. For two years I kept on a trail. When I finally got her, I finally got her. Who wanted her? I did. Gabby, if. If I have to go to court on this car stealing stuff, will he give me a fair deal? Oh, yes, indeed. You'll get justice all right. You really get justice. When you walk into traffic court, the first thing you see is a statue of a woman standing up holding a pair of scales in her hand, equally balanced. She's got a blindfold over her eyes. To remind you of justice? No, to remind you of women. Dr. Well, we'll go over to Henry Van Porters and see if I can get the 200 insurance money. Hey, Kingfish. Oh, hello there, Andy. Come in. Listen, Kingfish, I was just over on Lennox Avenue looking at that Mirage again, and this time there's a man sitting in it. Well, maybe just a mirage, Inspector from the Board of Health. Oh, this epidemic is getting pretty bad, Andy. No, no, he was no inspector. It was the crook that stole your car. You mean the thief that stole the car was sitting in it? Yes, sir. He say his conscience has been gnawing on him. I told him he ought to be ashamed of himself, stealing the Mirage like that. Kingfish is going to bring the car back. Well, now, wait a minute. Look here. Now, why don't you tell him to ride over to New Jersey or Pennsylvania in the Mirage and let his conscious know and move it there? Oh, no. Look, he really felt bad about it. Kingfish, he says the first car he ever stole. But he feels that everybody is titled to at least one stone. Car.

[Narrator/Commercial Announcer]

Car.

[Kingfish]

Yeah, yeah, Good idea. I told the thief the crime don't pay. But he say it pays as good as anything else do these days. He. He said that it paid him a little better because there wasn't no Whip Holden tax. Yeah, I see what you mean there. Anyway, the man told me he wants to go straight. Yeah, well, there ain't no hurry about it. Go back and tell him. Drive down to Florida, California and see them first. Then go straight later. You see what I mean? You know, I was going to call a cop and have him arrested. But after talking to the gentleman for a while, I kind of felt sorry for him. Well, I don't blame you, brother. And jail ain't the right kind of environment for a man just starting outing crime. I agree with you there, K. I think it's our duty to help a fellow like that get a clean start. Sure, I'll be glad to give him 10 gallons of gas in the ruin. Well, he wanted your name and address and I give you it to him. He went home to change his clothes. He's coming over here and we apologize to you. Ask you not to turn him over to police or make no report on him coming over here. Well, I'll be happy to talk to him, give him some good advice. What time's he coming? He said he'd be here at 3 o'. Clock. Said I had a few errands to do in the car and then he'd be over. Well, three o'. Clock. Funny that fella ain't showed up yet. I wonder if his conscience done put gnawing on him. I certainly hope so. Oh, there he is now. Honest foot. Come in. Mr. Stevens, my name is Frank Thompson. I came here to see you about your car. Oh yeah, I was threatening. Sit down, Thompson. Yeah, thanks. Now aboard my car. I don't want you to wait, worry about the things. Just let's forget about it. But Mr. Steven, I, I, I know that your conscience is hurting as we're feeling the car, but when you bring it back, why don't you take a nice slow drive, go to California and think it over. But Mr. Stevens don't see. I don't want to hear soon or something. But mister. Wait a minute, wait a minute. You is we cook that food. I want to move to you. No, no, I'm not. Oh, well, I'm open my big mouth and putting my foot in it. Oh, me. I know you as the man from the insurance company. No, I'm not. Well then who is and what you want? I'm the fellow that found your car and took it over to your home. And I just wanted to thank you for the $25 reward. You'll Lifegate.

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[Howie Mandel]

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[Kingfish]

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