Amos & Andy - Kingfish Leaves his Wife

Summary

Podcast Summary: Amos & Andy – Kingfish Leaves His Wife

Podcast: Harold's Old Time Radio
Host: Harold's Old Time Radio
Episode Date: March 25, 2026

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Episode Overview

This episode of Amos & Andy, titled "Kingfish Leaves His Wife," delves into the comedic misadventures of George "Kingfish" Stevens as he attempts to bring romance back to his marriage with Sapphire, only to end up considering leaving her—and joining a "Get Acquainted Club" in hopes of finding happiness elsewhere. The episode is filled with witty banter, situational comedy, and clever commentary on romance, aging, and marriage, all while lampooning the idea of "forbidden romances" and matchmaking clubs.

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Key Discussion Points and Plot Breakdown

1. Romance (or Lack Thereof) at Home

• Sapphire Craves Excitement (01:00 – 02:56)
  • Sapphire laments the lack of romance in her marriage, comparing herself to their youthful, lively neighbors, the Wilsons.
  • Kingfish’s comedic retort:

    "Well, I would, honey, but Mr. Wilson might punch me in the nose." (02:18, Kingfish)

  • Sapphire expresses a desire “to roam through the night with the wind and the rain in my hair,” to which Kingfish dryly replies:

    "You go ahead. When you get back, I'll be waiting here with a hot water bottle and some sort." (02:56, Kingfish)

2. The "Forbidden Romances" Magazine

• Suspicion Grows (03:23 – 06:45)
  • Kingfish discovers a romance magazine at home and fears Sapphire’s longing for excitement could lead her astray.
  • Andy tries to comfort him, but Kingfish is unconvinced, worried that romance novels are just a first step to seeking real romance.
  • A comedic reading of a melodramatic magazine story ensues, poking fun at such romances.

    "I realized I wasn't exactly no ding dong Daddy from Dumas." (06:28, Kingfish)

3. Kingfish Tries to Rekindle the Romance

• A Comedic Disaster (11:36 – 16:53)
  • Armed with flowers and new cologne, Kingfish plans a romantic gesture, only to be stymied by Sapphire’s mother and his own bad back.

    "I got scents on me that won't come to the surface for days... She sure looks the part, all right." (11:50, Kingfish)

  • His attempt at a romantic dinner and dancing is met with indifference; dancing leads to a slipped disc and comedic physical collapse.
  • Andy asks, “So that romantic evening didn’t go off too well, huh?” (15:59)
    • Kingfish:

      "Three of the waiters carried me out of the nightclub on the table floor... Wound up spending the most enchanting part of the evening with a chiropractor." (16:03 – 16:20)

4. Misunderstandings and Overreactions

• Magazine Solicitor’s Visit Sparks Chaos (17:14 – 19:45)
  • Sapphire is visited by Herbert Jackson, the magazine solicitor. Kingfish, overhearing only parts of the conversation, assumes a romantic tryst is happening.

    "If that's a bill collector, Hernando must be working for the gas company." (18:31, Andy)

  • Furious and feeling betrayed, Kingfish decides to leave Sapphire.

    "That does it, Andy. I is leaving that woman for good." (19:45, Kingfish)

5. Life After Separation—The "Get Acquainted Club"

• Seeking New Companions (20:18 – 24:45)
  • Two weeks later, Kingfish claims to be resolute in his decision to leave Sapphire.

    "Let her find romance if you wants her. That's why I going in here to see Algonquin J. Calhoun—I'm gonna change my will!" (20:23, Kingfish)

  • Calhoun suggests Kingfish join “Get Acquainted Clubs” to make new friends, to which Kingfish enthusiastically agrees.

6. Sapphire's Own Journey

• Parallel Paths (23:21 – 24:45)
  • While Kingfish is joining the club, Sapphire’s mother encourages her to do the same, reasoning,

    "You've been married to old Baldy for 22 years. And it's high time you met some human being." (24:41, Mama)

7. Matchmaking Mix-Ups and Reunion

• Scientific Match, Familiar Faces (25:01 – 29:57)
  • Both Kingfish and Sapphire, using pseudonyms ("Hernando" and "Juliet"), are unknowingly set up to meet each other as their ideal match at the Get Acquainted Club.

    Kingfish: "Here at the club you can just call me Hernando." (27:12) Narrator: "We always make it a practice for them to conceal themselves under a pseudonym..." (26:48)

  • In the park, they hilariously discover each other as their scientifically-selected “ideal” mate.

    Kingfish: "Juliet, here I is. Come to me. Is that you?"
    Sapphire: "Juliet, yes it is. Amanda. John Stevens Mama. Oh no." (29:33 – 29:57)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Kingfish on Romance at Home:

  "Next time you hint, hint on key." (01:55, Kingfish)

• Andy’s Sarcasm about Romance:

  “There ain't no other man going to be interested in Sapphire.” (05:40, Andy)

• Kingfish’s Self-Deprecation:

  "With my skin toupee and my bloodshot eyes... I wasn't exactly no ding dong Daddy from Dumas." (06:10 – 06:28, Kingfish)

• Calhoun’s Perspective on Marriage:

  "Oh, I tell you, boys, I worship the ground she walked on. I worship the air she breathed... Was then how come you never married her? I couldn't stand her." (22:48 – 23:21, Calhoun)

• Sapphire’s Mother’s Wisdom:

  "He came home from the office one night and kissed me for the first time in 20 years. Next morning when I went out to start the car, the motor blew up." (23:51, Mama)

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Important Timestamps

• 01:00 – 02:56: Sapphire’s yearning for romance is established
• 03:23 – 06:45: Kingfish and Andy dissect “Forbidden Romances” magazine
• 11:36 – 16:53: Kingfish’s disastrous attempt at romance and its aftermath
• 17:14 – 19:45: Magazine pitch leads Kingfish to leave Sapphire
• 20:18 – 24:45: Kingfish and Sapphire separately decide to join the “Get Acquainted Club”
• 25:01 – 29:57: The club, scientific matchmaking, and the comedic reunion in the park

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Final Thoughts

This episode humorously explores marital expectations and miscommunications, peppered with memorable wisecracks, self-effacing humor, and the timeless sitcom resolution: even when seeking “ideal” partners, Kingfish and Sapphire end up together—suggesting maybe, just maybe, they really are a match after all.

The tone is classic Amos & Andy: quick-witted, slyly satirical, and delightfully old-fashioned in its approach to love and relationships. This episode is a perfect snapshot of Golden Age radio comedy—rich in character-driven humor and wisecracks that ring true for listeners, even today.

Transcript

[Bleacher Report Announcer]

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[Narrator]

The Amos and Andy show, written by Joe Connolly, Bob Mosher and Bob Ross. Featuring Ernestine Wade, Johnny Lee, Amanda Randolph, Roy Glenn, Corny Anderson, Zelda Cleaver, Jeff Alexander's music, yours truly, Harlow Wilcox. And starring radio's all time favorites, Freeman Gosden and Charles Carell.

[Kingfish Stevens]

Amos Fern.

[Narrator]

The subject of romance came up twice at the home of George Kingfish Stevens and his wife Sapphire. The first time was after supper last Wednesday night. George and Sapphire hadn't been out of the house in over a month. And when Sapphire came into the living room and found the Kingfish with his nose in the paper, she decided to do a little hinting.

[Sapphire Stevens]

When we are dancing.

[Kingfish Stevens]

Holy mackerel. What in the world was that,

[Sapphire Stevens]

George? I was singing.

[Andy]

Singing?

[Kingfish Stevens]

I ain't hear screeching like that since I was over at the zoo and the moose sat down on the porcupine.

[Sapphire Stevens]

I was only sent.

[Kingfish Stevens]

Well, the next time you hint, hint on key. Let me get back in the newspaper, let me know.

[Sapphire Stevens]

Oh, where's the paper? George, did you ever watch the young Wilsons that lives across the hall?

[Kingfish Stevens]

Yeah, I noticed them.

[Sapphire Stevens]

Well, every night Mr. Wilson takes Ms. Wilson out dancing. Or he takes Ms. Wilson to the movies, or he takes Ms. Wilson out to dinner. Why don't you do something like that?

[Kingfish Stevens]

Well, I would, honey, but Mr. Wilson might punch me in the nose.

[Sapphire Stevens]

Joy Stevens, we is both married to the wrong person. I am the romantic type, and you is the type that stays home with your nose in the newspaper.

[Kingfish Stevens]

Well, I admit that I ain't old Peter Lawful, but what you mean, George,

[Sapphire Stevens]

you just don't understand me. I want to be gay and vivacious. I want to live. I want romance. Oh, George. I want to roam through the night with the wind and the rain in my head.

[Kingfish Stevens]

Well, you go ahead. When you get back, I'll be waiting here with a hot water bottle and some sort.

[Narrator]

And the second time last week that romance entered the apartment of Georgian Sapphire was when Herbert Jackson, a magazine solicitor, rang the Stevens Doorbell.

[Herbert Jackson]

Guess there's nobody home. Well, I'll just slip this sample copy under the door. There we are. One copy of Forbidden Romances.

[Andy]

Ah, hi, Kingfish. What you doing down here at the Lodge hall so early?

[Kingfish Stevens]

Well, and let me lock the door. Here. Now look. And what I done. Well, I won't tell you. Look what I found up at the apartment. Look at that.

[Andy]

A magazine, huh?

[Kingfish Stevens]

Yeah, look at that.

[Andy]

Forbidden Romances. I think at your age you was more the popular mechanic style.

[Kingfish Stevens]

I found this, your magazine on the living room floor. Don't you see what it means? Sapphire has been reading this stuff.

[Andy]

Well, there ain't nothing wrong with that. Just a lot of gushy nonsense.

[Kingfish Stevens]

I know, Andy, but it's the implication of the thing she reading love stories. And after all, you don't buy a road map unless you going someplace. And the last night she was hollering about how she needs romance.

[Andy]

Let me see that thing.

[Kingfish Stevens]

Hey, look at that. And kind of stuff she's been reading. Look at that. Look right there. I found my heart on a two weeks cruise.

[Andy]

Let's see here. The Hernando stood close to me on the deck, whispering words of romance into my ear as we watched the shimmering moonlight dancing on the foamy wake of our cruise ship. The soft tropical moon had a strange odor about it.

[Kingfish Stevens]

That's all right, you fool.

[Andy]

I could feel my heart beat above the throbbing of the engines. Suddenly I felt Hernando's arms steal around my shoulders. With a gasp, I pulled myself from his embrace and ran from the deck to my cabin. Well, there ain't nothing there, Kingfish. He done run away from the fella.

[Kingfish Stevens]

Yeah, I know, Andy, but look over on the next page there. Back on the poop deck again. Look at.

[Andy]

Well, I don't think Sapphire gonna be interested. Man and a hurry. There ain't no other man going to be interested in Sapphire.

[Kingfish Stevens]

Well, I don't know. And you know how it is with furniture. Some fellas go in for antiques. Sapphire might be just moldy enough to appeal to some of them boys.

[Andy]

Yeah, but this is silly, Kingfish. After all, Sapphire's got you.

[Kingfish Stevens]

Well, and I can't pin too much hopes on that. I done took stock of myself this morning.

[Andy]

You did, huh?

[Kingfish Stevens]

Yeah. When I got up this morning, I took a long look at myself in the mirror. I tell you, Andy, with my skin toupee and my bloodshot eyes and with my sagging jowls and that water on my Adam's apple, I realized that I wasn't exactly no ding dong. Daddy from Dumas.

[Andy]

Yeah. Well, what you gonna do about the situation, Kingfreak?

[Kingfish Stevens]

Well, then I gotta do something with Sapphire. Reading these magazines, you never know what this can lead to. If it's romance she's after, I gonna bring romance into her life. I gonna be gay. I gonna be charming. I gonna be the romantic type itself.

[Andy]

I looking for you is. Huh?

[Kingfish Stevens]

Oh, yeah, Andy, it's a new deal from here in. I gonna shower her with affection. I gonna shower her with love and understanding. I gonna shower her with romance.

[Andy]

Yeah, well, you better go easy there, kingfish. You're gonna end up with a.

[Narrator]

Let's listen to a number by the four nights.

[Singer]

You need no wings to lose. Be an angel, you prove it by the things you do. And speaking of angels, I never knew one quite like you? You need a cold candle around you and no magic wand to cast the spell? And speaking of magic, you weave it all so well? And speaking of music flavored with rose, I hear it in your sight. And speaking of moonlight, sprinkle with stardust, I see it in your eyes. Who else my darling but an angel could make the earth so heavenly? And speaking of angels, that's what you are to me,

[Sapphire Stevens]

Sam.

[Singer]

But an angel who could make the earth more heavenly? I'm speaking of angels, that's what you are to me.

[Bleacher Report Announcer]

The Bleacher Report app is your destination for sports right now. The NBA is heating up, March Madness is here and MLB is almost back. Every day there's a new headline, a new highlight, a new moment you've got to see for yourself. That's why I stay locked in with the Bleacher Report app. For me, it's about staying connected to my sports. I can follow the teams I care about, get real time scores, breaking news and highlights all in one place. Download the Bleacher Report app today so you never miss a moment. The Global Gaming League is presented by Atlas Earth, the fun cashback app. Hey, it's Howie Mandel and I am inviting you to witness history as me and my How We Do It Gaming team take on Gilly the King and Wallow 267's million dollars gaming in an epic Global Gaming League video game showdown. Plus a halftime performance by multi platinum artist Travy McCoy. Watch all the action and see who wins and advances to the championship match right [e-mail] that's globalgamingleague.com in partnership with Level Up Expo.

[Singer]

Cause that's what you it.

[Kingfish Stevens]

Come on boys, walk with me down to my boy Kingfish. He sure is dolled up there. New suit, flower in your button hole. And that night folk here. Flowers you kind there.

[Andy]

Yeah, and you sure smell fragrant too, Kingfish.

[Kingfish Stevens]

Well, I tell you, after I was shaved, I had the barber to put everything in the shop on me. I tell you, boys, I got scents on me that won't come to the surface. For De Sa looking for room. Man, she's. You sure looks the part, all right. Oh, yeah, boys, I've been reading all the love stuff out of Forbidden Romance. Yeah, learning how to be the romantic type. I tell you, I'm gonna walk in there like Hernando and throw romance at her from seven different directions.

[Andy]

Just what you gonna do, Kingsley?

[Kingfish Stevens]

Well, I gonna open the front door right quick and go down on one knee and hold out the flowers and see lovely flowers. Poor lovely lady.

[Andy]

Yeah, I seen him do that in the ballet once. Then after that, the gal took a sniff of the roses. Then the fella took a sniff of the roses. Next thing I know, the gal jumped 20ft in the air and he started whirling around. I always wondered what they put in them roses.

[Kingfish Stevens]

Well, I don't think these 12 for a quarter roses is the jumping kind. Well, here's your apartment king speech. And good luck to you with your way of Sapphire.

[Andy]

Yeah, I really hope she'll sweep her off her feet.

[Kingfish Stevens]

Well, thank you, boy. Thank you very much. See you later. Oh, why is just your bag. Romance your spellers everywhere. I hear somebody in the living room. Sapphire is in there. Well, here goes. I lovely flowers for a lovely lady.

[Sapphire Stevens]

Well, this is a fine condition for you to come crawling hole in.

[Kingfish Stevens]

Mama. Mama, if you. Where's my sweet Danny's romantic wife?

[Sapphire Stevens]

She's in the kitchen. Clean the fish.

[Kingfish Stevens]

Oh, me.

[Sapphire Stevens]

Well, well, come on, get up on your feet. You want to kneel there all the evening?

[Kingfish Stevens]

No. Oh, Mama, my back. My back. My rheumatism. I can't move that.

[Sapphire Stevens]

Ryan, come on out here and help me. Old gray mas that popped his saddle again.

[Kingfish Stevens]

Well, lovely dinner, my love. May I say that you never look more radiant and beautiful than you does tonight.

[Sapphire Stevens]

George, your food's getting cold. Pass the fish, Jo.

[Kingfish Stevens]

Here he is, Mama. Honey, we'll make this our night. And after this charming dinner, we'll go dancing. Dancing like two young lovers.

[Sapphire Stevens]

Potatoes, please.

[Kingfish Stevens]

Potatoes.

[Andy]

Mama.

[Kingfish Stevens]

Sapphire, tonight we'll be like two gay spirits. Walnut. The wonderland of romance. Why, we'll dance till dawn on a pink cloud. On a pink cloud of horseradish. Mama, will you be good enough to Close your big face while I being romantic here.

[Sapphire Stevens]

Mama, don't pay no attention to George. You go ahead and finish your dinner.

[Kingfish Stevens]

Well, I gonna finish my dinner too. But while I eat here, I gonna close my ears to these harsh words.

[Sapphire Stevens]

Well, you better close your mouth, Sue. You're spilling gravy all over your bed.

[Kingfish Stevens]

Well, what a beautiful and perfect evening, dear. Dancing with you again, my darling.

[Sapphire Stevens]

Joy, don't you think we're a little too old for this type of music?

[Kingfish Stevens]

Oh, not at all, honey. This is the music of romance. Number 1, 2, 3, Humber. 1, 2, 3. The 1, 2, 3. What you.

[Sapphire Stevens]

Oh, what's wrong?

[Kingfish Stevens]

Oh, my back. Oh, my back. I done slipped my disc again.

[Sapphire Stevens]

Help.

[Kingfish Stevens]

Help.

[Andy]

Now, just sit there in that comfortable chair, King Fish, and take it easy.

[Kingfish Stevens]

Oh, yeah, let me sit you easy here. I got out of bed about an hour before and I. I managed to hobble down here to the lodge hall.

[Andy]

Yeah. So that romantic evening didn't go off too well, huh?

[Kingfish Stevens]

No, Andy. Three of the waiters carried me out of the nightclub on the table floor. And I come home in the back seat of a taxi cab, doubled up like a jackknife. And I wound up spending the most enchanting part of the evening with a chiropractor. Oh, and in my pocket back. Oh, just you.

[Andy]

Oh, that back is really bothering you, huh?

[Kingfish Stevens]

Oh, yeah. Now look, and it's nearly lunchtime. Here, give me a hand here, kind of help me back to my apartment, will you?

[Andy]

Yeah, yeah, I'll do that. Well, King Chris, I guess you just ain't the romantic type like Hernando is.

[Kingfish Stevens]

Yeah, there no sense to me trying to please Sapphire. I guess Sapphire going to have to go through life getting a romance out of magazines like Forbidden Romances. But in spite of that, I. I know she going to stick with me.

[Andy]

Well, Kingfish, then you convince Sapphire that she ain't looking for no Hernando like the gal on the cruise ship, is that it?

[Kingfish Stevens]

No. And when you get to be Sapphire's age, your poop deck dears, is over for.

[Sapphire Stevens]

Well, won't you sit down, Mr. Jackson?

[Herbert Jackson]

Thank you.

[Sapphire Stevens]

I'm sorry I didn't get that sample copy of your magazine.

[Herbert Jackson]

Well, that's funny. I slid it under your door yesterday. But no matter.

[Sapphire Stevens]

Well, Mr. Jackson, I don't think I'd be interested in a magazine like Forbidden Romances after all.

[Herbert Jackson]

Now, Mrs. Stevens, I would appreciate you listening to me. I have a wife and two children.

[Sapphire Stevens]

Oh, I see.

[Herbert Jackson]

Mrs. Stevens, it's a wonderful magazine. I just can't sell you highly enough on our magazine, Forbidden Romances. And with our introductory offer, you're getting this wonderful magazine for the entire year for only two dollars and a half.

[Kingfish Stevens]

Mrs. Stevens, I tell you, you can. Thank you, Andy, for helping me up the back way here. Yeah, these back steps is easier than the front way. And just to get through the kitchen

[Herbert Jackson]

here, I just can't let you pass up this wonderful.

[Kingfish Stevens]

Hey, wait a minute. Wait a minute. Sound like Sapphire talking to somebody in the living room.

[Andy]

Yeah, sound like a man's voice, too.

[Kingfish Stevens]

Yeah, I'll crack the door and see who it is. Probably just a bill collector.

[Herbert Jackson]

But how can you turn me down? Think of what I'm offering you. Love, romance, adventure, life at its fullest.

[Andy]

If that's a bill collector, Hernando must be working for the gas company.

[Kingfish Stevens]

Listen to this love talk you give her.

[Sapphire Stevens]

Well, it does sound interesting.

[Herbert Jackson]

My dear lady, you look like a woman who wants to rise above the humdrum. Think what I'm offering you. A chance to sail into the blue. A chance to rise into the clouds. A chance to fly far above the commonplace.

[Andy]

Sound like he trying to talk her into running away in the airplane.

[Sapphire Stevens]

You do make it sound interesting.

[Kingfish Stevens]

Listen to it, Ann. They're carrying on like theater, Barrow.

[Andy]

Look at it.

[Herbert Jackson]

Lady, I implore you. Don't turn down this wonderful opportunity. A chance to follow in the footsteps of the young in heart. A chance to tread the pathways of happiness.

[Andy]

Now it sounds like you're going to settle for a walk in the park.

[Sapphire Stevens]

Well, you're very, very persuasive. Well, let me think it over. Why don't you come back tomorrow?

[Herbert Jackson]

Well, very well, Mrs. Stevens. But I know what your answer is going to be.

[Andy]

Pretty sure of herself, ain't he?

[Kingfish Stevens]

That does it, Anna. That does it. I is leaving that woman for good.

[Andy]

Yeah, but she didn't say she was going to abscondrel off with him.

[Kingfish Stevens]

Well, I don't care, Andy. My own way. Sitting there listening to a lot of mush talk like that. We are through, Andy. She was looking for romance after all. Oh, but Kingfisher, nothing's doing and nothing doing. I was leaving that woman and taking my slip disc with me.

[Andy]

Well, King Fish, it's been two weeks since you left Sapphire.

[Kingfish Stevens]

Yeah, I know it, Andrew.

[Andy]

Ain't you never going back to her?

[Kingfish Stevens]

No sand and no sire not I never going back to that woman. Let her find romance if you want her. That's why I was going in here to see Algonquin J. Calhoun. I gonna change my Will. Oh, yeah, I gonna change it. I gonna cut her off altogether.

[Andy]

Yeah, you're gonna unbeneficiate a gal, huh? Yeah.

[Kingfish Stevens]

Come on, let's get on in here.

[Andy]

Okay.

[Kingfish Stevens]

Well, how you there, Calhoun?

[Andy]

Hello, Calhoun.

[Kingfish Stevens]

Hey, Calhoun, is your business. Is I busy? How could you come in here and ask me, is I busy? A man who is sought after by the biggest businessman in this city. A man who is consulted by some of the biggest political leaders in this community. A man whose influential friends number in the hundred. With all them connections, you'd think I'd be doing something.

[Andy]

Yeah. Well, Calhoun, the Kingfish want to see you about something important here.

[Kingfish Stevens]

What's up, Kingfish? Well, now, Calhoun, I gonna lay it right before you. Here, boy. Calhoun, listen to this. Yes, I is done left my way. And, well, I have got some worldly possessions. And what I want to know is, can I change my will and leave everything to myself? Well, now, that can be arranged. Good. So you done left Sapphire, huh? Yeah. Look, don't you miss her after 22 years? Yeah, well, to tell you the truth, I has been pretty lonesome in the past few weeks. Just gotta get outdoor and make some new friends and get some new interest. That's what I gotta do. Well, for a fellow like you, Kingfish, the best way to make new friends is through one of them Get Acquainted clubs. Yeah, yeah, you done hit on something there. Get Acquainted Club. Does you know any good ones, Calhoun? Well, yeah, there's a very High Tide Club that's run by Mr. And Mrs. Thorndike. It's over on the parkway.

[Andy]

Oh, yeah, I done hear about that one. It's real high class. Yeah, you got to be interviewed and everything.

[Kingfish Stevens]

Yeah, that's what I going to do. I going over to that Thorn Dyke Get Acquainted Club. I'll make a new life for myself. Yeah, that's the thing to do, all right, King Fish. You know, Cal, who knew was lucky never getting in these domestic squabbles. How come you never got married?

[Andy]

Yeah, Cal, since you never have no gal or nothing.

[Kingfish Stevens]

Oh, yeah, boys, I had a good girl once. But that is years ago. Years ago. Oh, I tell you, boys, I worship the ground she walked on. I worship the air she breathed. I worship the married sun that shone down on her. Was then how come you never married her? I couldn't stand her.

[Sapphire Stevens]

Well, Sapphire, it's been two weeks since he walked out on you. Oh, Mama, why would he have done a thing like this? We should have known something was going on, the way he was acting, bringing you flowers Taking you dancing. I should have known something was in the wind. What you mean, Mama? Well, I never told you you this, but now, that's how it started with your father. He came home from the office one night and kissed me for the first time in 20 years. Next morning when I went out to start the car, the motor blew up. Oh, Mama, what am I going to do? Well, daughter, you just can't sit around here and mope. You have got to make new friends and new companions. Now, I've been thinking it over, daughter.

[Kingfish Stevens]

Very serious.

[Sapphire Stevens]

You is going to enroll in the Thorndike Get Acquainted Club. But, Mama, I can't do nothing like that. Oh, yes, you can. Yes, you can, daughter. Well, I tell you, we'll both go down there and enroll. It'll be a wonderful thing for you, Daughter. You've been married to old Baldy for 22 years. And it's high time you met some human being.

[Kingfish Stevens]

Well, Andy, this is the Gill queen of the club. They say to wait here. Mr. Thorndike will interview me in a minute. Nice for you to come down here and give me the mortal support.

[Andy]

Oh, don't mess with me. Just don't mention it. I I Here comes somebody.

[Narrator]

Well, how do you do? I'm Mr. Thorndyke. You wish to see me about joining our get Acquainted Club?

[Andy]

Well, just this other gentleman here is. I don't need no club. I does most of my getting acquainted in front of the drugstore.

[Kingfish Stevens]

Yeah, I was the one that would like to get acquainted here.

[Narrator]

Oh, I understand. You mean a member of the opposite sex.

[Sapphire Stevens]

Well,

[Kingfish Stevens]

See, I want to get a clearance, but then I don't. I mean, that is, I I feel.

[Narrator]

Well, Mr. Stevens, ours is a social club. It's our practice to introduce people with compatible interests. For instance. For instance, we might start off by introducing you to some of our male members. Men who have the same cultural tastes and ideals as you have.

[Andy]

Well, now, wait a minute, mister. You got him wrong. He didn't come down here to meet no bum.

[Kingfish Stevens]

Don't pay no attention to my friend here, mister.

[Narrator]

Well, we'll be glad to help you. But first you'll have to be thoroughly interviewed before you can qualify as a

[Kingfish Stevens]

member that does, huh?

[Andy]

Yes.

[Narrator]

Well, for instance, if a new member is interested in marriage, he must be interviewed by our psychiatrist. And after several days of intense study, we picked from among our members one whom we think would be socially, mentally and psychologically suited to the new members. In other words, one who is exactly their type.

[Andy]

This is tougher than when I try to get my dog into kennel club.

[Kingfish Stevens]

Well, I tell you, I ain't interested in marriage. But I would like to meet someone who is the perfect type for me just to see what life might have been with the right girl.

[Narrator]

Well now, to save any future embarrassment, when we introduce members of our club, we always make it a practice for them to conceal themselves under a pseudonym.

[Kingfish Stevens]

Well, I ain't got one of them, but I could hold my hat over my face.

[Narrator]

No, no, no, what I mean is we have our members use different names. Now is there any particular name you would like to be known under, sir, here at the club?

[Kingfish Stevens]

Name? Yeah, here at the club you can just call me Hernando.

[Sapphire Stevens]

How do you do? I'm Mrs. Fondy. How do you do? You want to see me about joining our get acquainted club? Yes, I. I came down here with my mother. I'd like to meet. That is, I. Well, you see, I. The thing is I. I understand Very well, Mrs. Stevens. Well, I'm not interested in marriage. But I would like to make some new friends and meet somebody who has the same interests I have. Well, before we introduce you here at the club, we make positive it will be the right person. You'd both be subjected to tests and physiological interviews. In other words, we bring together two people who would be ideally suited. Oh yes. Well, it would be interesting to meet somebody who is just the right type for me. Well, we'll talk about that at our next interview. By the way, on the way out. Would you send the next person in, please?

[Kingfish Stevens]

Well boys, how does it look?

[Andy]

Oh boy, you look great. King Face. King Face.

[Kingfish Stevens]

Is you going through with this crazy thing? Is you really going meet this get acquainted gal this evening? Certainly, I is Amos, Sapphire and me was mismated and now the club has scientifically pick out the person who would have been perfect made for me. This person I gonna meet has had all kind of tests too. We is the kind that would be ideally suited for each other.

[Andy]

Yeah, There ain't no harm in just meeting the person you say you're gonna meet her in the park, huh?

[Kingfish Stevens]

Yeah, seven o' clock tonight he gonna be looking for me under the name of Hernando. And I was gonna be looking for her under the name of Juliet. Well, it's almost seven o'. Clock. Juliet ought to be here any minute. Juliet, where is you at? There's I gonna meet the person who is idealistic suited to me. Wait a minute, here comes somebody. Oh, I bet it's Juliet. Juliet, Here I is. Come to me. Is that you?

[Sapphire Stevens]

Juliet yes it is. Amanda. John Stevens Mama. Oh no.

[Kingfish Stevens]

Be sure to be with us again

[Narrator]

next week at the same time when we'll again present radio's all time favorites Amos and Andy. This is Wendell Nile saying good night

[Kingfish Stevens]

to all of you from all of us.

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