
Amos & Andy - Kingfish Leaves his Wife
Loading summary
Bleacher Report Announcer
The Bleacher Report app is your destination for sports right now. The NBA is heating up, March Madness is here, and MLB is almost back. Every day there's a new headline, a new highlight, a new moment you've got to see for yourself. That's why I stay locked in with the Bleacher Report app. For me, it's about staying connected to my sports. I can follow the teams I care about, get real time scores, breaking news and highlights all in one place. Download the Bleacher Report app today so you never miss a moment.
Narrator
The Amos and Andy show, written by Joe Connolly, Bob Mosher and Bob Ross. Featuring Ernestine Wade, Johnny Lee, Amanda Randolph, Roy Glenn, Corny Anderson, Zelda Cleaver, Jeff Alexander's music, yours truly, Harlow Wilcox. And starring radio's all time favorites, Freeman Gosden and Charles Carell.
Kingfish Stevens
Amos Fern.
Narrator
The subject of romance came up twice at the home of George Kingfish Stevens and his wife Sapphire. The first time was after supper last Wednesday night. George and Sapphire hadn't been out of the house in over a month. And when Sapphire came into the living room and found the Kingfish with his nose in the paper, she decided to do a little hinting.
Sapphire Stevens
When we are dancing.
Kingfish Stevens
Holy mackerel. What in the world was that,
Sapphire Stevens
George? I was singing.
Andy
Singing?
Kingfish Stevens
I ain't hear screeching like that since I was over at the zoo and the moose sat down on the porcupine.
Sapphire Stevens
I was only sent.
Kingfish Stevens
Well, the next time you hint, hint on key. Let me get back in the newspaper, let me know.
Sapphire Stevens
Oh, where's the paper? George, did you ever watch the young Wilsons that lives across the hall?
Kingfish Stevens
Yeah, I noticed them.
Sapphire Stevens
Well, every night Mr. Wilson takes Ms. Wilson out dancing. Or he takes Ms. Wilson to the movies, or he takes Ms. Wilson out to dinner. Why don't you do something like that?
Kingfish Stevens
Well, I would, honey, but Mr. Wilson might punch me in the nose.
Sapphire Stevens
Joy Stevens, we is both married to the wrong person. I am the romantic type, and you is the type that stays home with your nose in the newspaper.
Kingfish Stevens
Well, I admit that I ain't old Peter Lawful, but what you mean, George,
Sapphire Stevens
you just don't understand me. I want to be gay and vivacious. I want to live. I want romance. Oh, George. I want to roam through the night with the wind and the rain in my head.
Kingfish Stevens
Well, you go ahead. When you get back, I'll be waiting here with a hot water bottle and some sort.
Narrator
And the second time last week that romance entered the apartment of Georgian Sapphire was when Herbert Jackson, a magazine solicitor, rang the Stevens Doorbell.
Herbert Jackson
Guess there's nobody home. Well, I'll just slip this sample copy under the door. There we are. One copy of Forbidden Romances.
Andy
Ah, hi, Kingfish. What you doing down here at the Lodge hall so early?
Kingfish Stevens
Well, and let me lock the door. Here. Now look. And what I done. Well, I won't tell you. Look what I found up at the apartment. Look at that.
Andy
A magazine, huh?
Kingfish Stevens
Yeah, look at that.
Andy
Forbidden Romances. I think at your age you was more the popular mechanic style.
Kingfish Stevens
I found this, your magazine on the living room floor. Don't you see what it means? Sapphire has been reading this stuff.
Andy
Well, there ain't nothing wrong with that. Just a lot of gushy nonsense.
Kingfish Stevens
I know, Andy, but it's the implication of the thing she reading love stories. And after all, you don't buy a road map unless you going someplace. And the last night she was hollering about how she needs romance.
Andy
Let me see that thing.
Kingfish Stevens
Hey, look at that. And kind of stuff she's been reading. Look at that. Look right there. I found my heart on a two weeks cruise.
Andy
Let's see here. The Hernando stood close to me on the deck, whispering words of romance into my ear as we watched the shimmering moonlight dancing on the foamy wake of our cruise ship. The soft tropical moon had a strange odor about it.
Kingfish Stevens
That's all right, you fool.
Andy
I could feel my heart beat above the throbbing of the engines. Suddenly I felt Hernando's arms steal around my shoulders. With a gasp, I pulled myself from his embrace and ran from the deck to my cabin. Well, there ain't nothing there, Kingfish. He done run away from the fella.
Kingfish Stevens
Yeah, I know, Andy, but look over on the next page there. Back on the poop deck again. Look at.
Andy
Well, I don't think Sapphire gonna be interested. Man and a hurry. There ain't no other man going to be interested in Sapphire.
Kingfish Stevens
Well, I don't know. And you know how it is with furniture. Some fellas go in for antiques. Sapphire might be just moldy enough to appeal to some of them boys.
Andy
Yeah, but this is silly, Kingfish. After all, Sapphire's got you.
Kingfish Stevens
Well, and I can't pin too much hopes on that. I done took stock of myself this morning.
Andy
You did, huh?
Kingfish Stevens
Yeah. When I got up this morning, I took a long look at myself in the mirror. I tell you, Andy, with my skin toupee and my bloodshot eyes and with my sagging jowls and that water on my Adam's apple, I realized that I wasn't exactly no ding dong. Daddy from Dumas.
Andy
Yeah. Well, what you gonna do about the situation, Kingfreak?
Kingfish Stevens
Well, then I gotta do something with Sapphire. Reading these magazines, you never know what this can lead to. If it's romance she's after, I gonna bring romance into her life. I gonna be gay. I gonna be charming. I gonna be the romantic type itself.
Andy
I looking for you is. Huh?
Kingfish Stevens
Oh, yeah, Andy, it's a new deal from here in. I gonna shower her with affection. I gonna shower her with love and understanding. I gonna shower her with romance.
Andy
Yeah, well, you better go easy there, kingfish. You're gonna end up with a.
Narrator
Let's listen to a number by the four nights.
Singer
You need no wings to lose. Be an angel, you prove it by the things you do. And speaking of angels, I never knew one quite like you? You need a cold candle around you and no magic wand to cast the spell? And speaking of magic, you weave it all so well? And speaking of music flavored with rose, I hear it in your sight. And speaking of moonlight, sprinkle with stardust, I see it in your eyes. Who else my darling but an angel could make the earth so heavenly? And speaking of angels, that's what you are to me,
Sapphire Stevens
Sam.
Singer
But an angel who could make the earth more heavenly? I'm speaking of angels, that's what you are to me.
Bleacher Report Announcer
The Bleacher Report app is your destination for sports right now. The NBA is heating up, March Madness is here and MLB is almost back. Every day there's a new headline, a new highlight, a new moment you've got to see for yourself. That's why I stay locked in with the Bleacher Report app. For me, it's about staying connected to my sports. I can follow the teams I care about, get real time scores, breaking news and highlights all in one place. Download the Bleacher Report app today so you never miss a moment. The Global Gaming League is presented by Atlas Earth, the fun cashback app. Hey, it's Howie Mandel and I am inviting you to witness history as me and my How We Do It Gaming team take on Gilly the King and Wallow 267's million dollars gaming in an epic Global Gaming League video game showdown. Plus a halftime performance by multi platinum artist Travy McCoy. Watch all the action and see who wins and advances to the championship match right now@globalgamingleague.com that's globalgamingleague.com in partnership with Level Up Expo.
Singer
Cause that's what you it.
Kingfish Stevens
Come on boys, walk with me down to my boy Kingfish. He sure is dolled up there. New suit, flower in your button hole. And that night folk here. Flowers you kind there.
Andy
Yeah, and you sure smell fragrant too, Kingfish.
Kingfish Stevens
Well, I tell you, after I was shaved, I had the barber to put everything in the shop on me. I tell you, boys, I got scents on me that won't come to the surface. For De Sa looking for room. Man, she's. You sure looks the part, all right. Oh, yeah, boys, I've been reading all the love stuff out of Forbidden Romance. Yeah, learning how to be the romantic type. I tell you, I'm gonna walk in there like Hernando and throw romance at her from seven different directions.
Andy
Just what you gonna do, Kingsley?
Kingfish Stevens
Well, I gonna open the front door right quick and go down on one knee and hold out the flowers and see lovely flowers. Poor lovely lady.
Andy
Yeah, I seen him do that in the ballet once. Then after that, the gal took a sniff of the roses. Then the fella took a sniff of the roses. Next thing I know, the gal jumped 20ft in the air and he started whirling around. I always wondered what they put in them roses.
Kingfish Stevens
Well, I don't think these 12 for a quarter roses is the jumping kind. Well, here's your apartment king speech. And good luck to you with your way of Sapphire.
Andy
Yeah, I really hope she'll sweep her off her feet.
Kingfish Stevens
Well, thank you, boy. Thank you very much. See you later. Oh, why is just your bag. Romance your spellers everywhere. I hear somebody in the living room. Sapphire is in there. Well, here goes. I lovely flowers for a lovely lady.
Sapphire Stevens
Well, this is a fine condition for you to come crawling hole in.
Kingfish Stevens
Mama. Mama, if you. Where's my sweet Danny's romantic wife?
Sapphire Stevens
She's in the kitchen. Clean the fish.
Kingfish Stevens
Oh, me.
Sapphire Stevens
Well, well, come on, get up on your feet. You want to kneel there all the evening?
Kingfish Stevens
No. Oh, Mama, my back. My back. My rheumatism. I can't move that.
Sapphire Stevens
Ryan, come on out here and help me. Old gray mas that popped his saddle again.
Kingfish Stevens
Well, lovely dinner, my love. May I say that you never look more radiant and beautiful than you does tonight.
Sapphire Stevens
George, your food's getting cold. Pass the fish, Jo.
Kingfish Stevens
Here he is, Mama. Honey, we'll make this our night. And after this charming dinner, we'll go dancing. Dancing like two young lovers.
Sapphire Stevens
Potatoes, please.
Kingfish Stevens
Potatoes.
Andy
Mama.
Kingfish Stevens
Sapphire, tonight we'll be like two gay spirits. Walnut. The wonderland of romance. Why, we'll dance till dawn on a pink cloud. On a pink cloud of horseradish. Mama, will you be good enough to Close your big face while I being romantic here.
Sapphire Stevens
Mama, don't pay no attention to George. You go ahead and finish your dinner.
Kingfish Stevens
Well, I gonna finish my dinner too. But while I eat here, I gonna close my ears to these harsh words.
Sapphire Stevens
Well, you better close your mouth, Sue. You're spilling gravy all over your bed.
Kingfish Stevens
Well, what a beautiful and perfect evening, dear. Dancing with you again, my darling.
Sapphire Stevens
Joy, don't you think we're a little too old for this type of music?
Kingfish Stevens
Oh, not at all, honey. This is the music of romance. Number 1, 2, 3, Humber. 1, 2, 3. The 1, 2, 3. What you.
Sapphire Stevens
Oh, what's wrong?
Kingfish Stevens
Oh, my back. Oh, my back. I done slipped my disc again.
Sapphire Stevens
Help.
Kingfish Stevens
Help.
Andy
Now, just sit there in that comfortable chair, King Fish, and take it easy.
Kingfish Stevens
Oh, yeah, let me sit you easy here. I got out of bed about an hour before and I. I managed to hobble down here to the lodge hall.
Andy
Yeah. So that romantic evening didn't go off too well, huh?
Kingfish Stevens
No, Andy. Three of the waiters carried me out of the nightclub on the table floor. And I come home in the back seat of a taxi cab, doubled up like a jackknife. And I wound up spending the most enchanting part of the evening with a chiropractor. Oh, and in my pocket back. Oh, just you.
Andy
Oh, that back is really bothering you, huh?
Kingfish Stevens
Oh, yeah. Now look, and it's nearly lunchtime. Here, give me a hand here, kind of help me back to my apartment, will you?
Andy
Yeah, yeah, I'll do that. Well, King Chris, I guess you just ain't the romantic type like Hernando is.
Kingfish Stevens
Yeah, there no sense to me trying to please Sapphire. I guess Sapphire going to have to go through life getting a romance out of magazines like Forbidden Romances. But in spite of that, I. I know she going to stick with me.
Andy
Well, Kingfish, then you convince Sapphire that she ain't looking for no Hernando like the gal on the cruise ship, is that it?
Kingfish Stevens
No. And when you get to be Sapphire's age, your poop deck dears, is over for.
Sapphire Stevens
Well, won't you sit down, Mr. Jackson?
Herbert Jackson
Thank you.
Sapphire Stevens
I'm sorry I didn't get that sample copy of your magazine.
Herbert Jackson
Well, that's funny. I slid it under your door yesterday. But no matter.
Sapphire Stevens
Well, Mr. Jackson, I don't think I'd be interested in a magazine like Forbidden Romances after all.
Herbert Jackson
Now, Mrs. Stevens, I would appreciate you listening to me. I have a wife and two children.
Sapphire Stevens
Oh, I see.
Herbert Jackson
Mrs. Stevens, it's a wonderful magazine. I just can't sell you highly enough on our magazine, Forbidden Romances. And with our introductory offer, you're getting this wonderful magazine for the entire year for only two dollars and a half.
Kingfish Stevens
Mrs. Stevens, I tell you, you can. Thank you, Andy, for helping me up the back way here. Yeah, these back steps is easier than the front way. And just to get through the kitchen
Herbert Jackson
here, I just can't let you pass up this wonderful.
Kingfish Stevens
Hey, wait a minute. Wait a minute. Sound like Sapphire talking to somebody in the living room.
Andy
Yeah, sound like a man's voice, too.
Kingfish Stevens
Yeah, I'll crack the door and see who it is. Probably just a bill collector.
Herbert Jackson
But how can you turn me down? Think of what I'm offering you. Love, romance, adventure, life at its fullest.
Andy
If that's a bill collector, Hernando must be working for the gas company.
Kingfish Stevens
Listen to this love talk you give her.
Sapphire Stevens
Well, it does sound interesting.
Herbert Jackson
My dear lady, you look like a woman who wants to rise above the humdrum. Think what I'm offering you. A chance to sail into the blue. A chance to rise into the clouds. A chance to fly far above the commonplace.
Andy
Sound like he trying to talk her into running away in the airplane.
Sapphire Stevens
You do make it sound interesting.
Kingfish Stevens
Listen to it, Ann. They're carrying on like theater, Barrow.
Andy
Look at it.
Herbert Jackson
Lady, I implore you. Don't turn down this wonderful opportunity. A chance to follow in the footsteps of the young in heart. A chance to tread the pathways of happiness.
Andy
Now it sounds like you're going to settle for a walk in the park.
Sapphire Stevens
Well, you're very, very persuasive. Well, let me think it over. Why don't you come back tomorrow?
Herbert Jackson
Well, very well, Mrs. Stevens. But I know what your answer is going to be.
Andy
Pretty sure of herself, ain't he?
Kingfish Stevens
That does it, Anna. That does it. I is leaving that woman for good.
Andy
Yeah, but she didn't say she was going to abscondrel off with him.
Kingfish Stevens
Well, I don't care, Andy. My own way. Sitting there listening to a lot of mush talk like that. We are through, Andy. She was looking for romance after all. Oh, but Kingfisher, nothing's doing and nothing doing. I was leaving that woman and taking my slip disc with me.
Andy
Well, King Fish, it's been two weeks since you left Sapphire.
Kingfish Stevens
Yeah, I know it, Andrew.
Andy
Ain't you never going back to her?
Kingfish Stevens
No sand and no sire not I never going back to that woman. Let her find romance if you want her. That's why I was going in here to see Algonquin J. Calhoun. I gonna change my Will. Oh, yeah, I gonna change it. I gonna cut her off altogether.
Andy
Yeah, you're gonna unbeneficiate a gal, huh? Yeah.
Kingfish Stevens
Come on, let's get on in here.
Andy
Okay.
Kingfish Stevens
Well, how you there, Calhoun?
Andy
Hello, Calhoun.
Kingfish Stevens
Hey, Calhoun, is your business. Is I busy? How could you come in here and ask me, is I busy? A man who is sought after by the biggest businessman in this city. A man who is consulted by some of the biggest political leaders in this community. A man whose influential friends number in the hundred. With all them connections, you'd think I'd be doing something.
Andy
Yeah. Well, Calhoun, the Kingfish want to see you about something important here.
Kingfish Stevens
What's up, Kingfish? Well, now, Calhoun, I gonna lay it right before you. Here, boy. Calhoun, listen to this. Yes, I is done left my way. And, well, I have got some worldly possessions. And what I want to know is, can I change my will and leave everything to myself? Well, now, that can be arranged. Good. So you done left Sapphire, huh? Yeah. Look, don't you miss her after 22 years? Yeah, well, to tell you the truth, I has been pretty lonesome in the past few weeks. Just gotta get outdoor and make some new friends and get some new interest. That's what I gotta do. Well, for a fellow like you, Kingfish, the best way to make new friends is through one of them Get Acquainted clubs. Yeah, yeah, you done hit on something there. Get Acquainted Club. Does you know any good ones, Calhoun? Well, yeah, there's a very High Tide Club that's run by Mr. And Mrs. Thorndike. It's over on the parkway.
Andy
Oh, yeah, I done hear about that one. It's real high class. Yeah, you got to be interviewed and everything.
Kingfish Stevens
Yeah, that's what I going to do. I going over to that Thorn Dyke Get Acquainted Club. I'll make a new life for myself. Yeah, that's the thing to do, all right, King Fish. You know, Cal, who knew was lucky never getting in these domestic squabbles. How come you never got married?
Andy
Yeah, Cal, since you never have no gal or nothing.
Kingfish Stevens
Oh, yeah, boys, I had a good girl once. But that is years ago. Years ago. Oh, I tell you, boys, I worship the ground she walked on. I worship the air she breathed. I worship the married sun that shone down on her. Was then how come you never married her? I couldn't stand her.
Sapphire Stevens
Well, Sapphire, it's been two weeks since he walked out on you. Oh, Mama, why would he have done a thing like this? We should have known something was going on, the way he was acting, bringing you flowers Taking you dancing. I should have known something was in the wind. What you mean, Mama? Well, I never told you you this, but now, that's how it started with your father. He came home from the office one night and kissed me for the first time in 20 years. Next morning when I went out to start the car, the motor blew up. Oh, Mama, what am I going to do? Well, daughter, you just can't sit around here and mope. You have got to make new friends and new companions. Now, I've been thinking it over, daughter.
Kingfish Stevens
Very serious.
Sapphire Stevens
You is going to enroll in the Thorndike Get Acquainted Club. But, Mama, I can't do nothing like that. Oh, yes, you can. Yes, you can, daughter. Well, I tell you, we'll both go down there and enroll. It'll be a wonderful thing for you, Daughter. You've been married to old Baldy for 22 years. And it's high time you met some human being.
Kingfish Stevens
Well, Andy, this is the Gill queen of the club. They say to wait here. Mr. Thorndike will interview me in a minute. Nice for you to come down here and give me the mortal support.
Andy
Oh, don't mess with me. Just don't mention it. I I Here comes somebody.
Narrator
Well, how do you do? I'm Mr. Thorndyke. You wish to see me about joining our get Acquainted Club?
Andy
Well, just this other gentleman here is. I don't need no club. I does most of my getting acquainted in front of the drugstore.
Kingfish Stevens
Yeah, I was the one that would like to get acquainted here.
Narrator
Oh, I understand. You mean a member of the opposite sex.
Sapphire Stevens
Well,
Kingfish Stevens
See, I want to get a clearance, but then I don't. I mean, that is, I I feel.
Narrator
Well, Mr. Stevens, ours is a social club. It's our practice to introduce people with compatible interests. For instance. For instance, we might start off by introducing you to some of our male members. Men who have the same cultural tastes and ideals as you have.
Andy
Well, now, wait a minute, mister. You got him wrong. He didn't come down here to meet no bum.
Kingfish Stevens
Don't pay no attention to my friend here, mister.
Narrator
Well, we'll be glad to help you. But first you'll have to be thoroughly interviewed before you can qualify as a
Kingfish Stevens
member that does, huh?
Andy
Yes.
Narrator
Well, for instance, if a new member is interested in marriage, he must be interviewed by our psychiatrist. And after several days of intense study, we picked from among our members one whom we think would be socially, mentally and psychologically suited to the new members. In other words, one who is exactly their type.
Andy
This is tougher than when I try to get my dog into kennel club.
Kingfish Stevens
Well, I tell you, I ain't interested in marriage. But I would like to meet someone who is the perfect type for me just to see what life might have been with the right girl.
Narrator
Well now, to save any future embarrassment, when we introduce members of our club, we always make it a practice for them to conceal themselves under a pseudonym.
Kingfish Stevens
Well, I ain't got one of them, but I could hold my hat over my face.
Narrator
No, no, no, what I mean is we have our members use different names. Now is there any particular name you would like to be known under, sir, here at the club?
Kingfish Stevens
Name? Yeah, here at the club you can just call me Hernando.
Sapphire Stevens
How do you do? I'm Mrs. Fondy. How do you do? You want to see me about joining our get acquainted club? Yes, I. I came down here with my mother. I'd like to meet. That is, I. Well, you see, I. The thing is I. I understand Very well, Mrs. Stevens. Well, I'm not interested in marriage. But I would like to make some new friends and meet somebody who has the same interests I have. Well, before we introduce you here at the club, we make positive it will be the right person. You'd both be subjected to tests and physiological interviews. In other words, we bring together two people who would be ideally suited. Oh yes. Well, it would be interesting to meet somebody who is just the right type for me. Well, we'll talk about that at our next interview. By the way, on the way out. Would you send the next person in, please?
Kingfish Stevens
Well boys, how does it look?
Andy
Oh boy, you look great. King Face. King Face.
Kingfish Stevens
Is you going through with this crazy thing? Is you really going meet this get acquainted gal this evening? Certainly, I is Amos, Sapphire and me was mismated and now the club has scientifically pick out the person who would have been perfect made for me. This person I gonna meet has had all kind of tests too. We is the kind that would be ideally suited for each other.
Andy
Yeah, There ain't no harm in just meeting the person you say you're gonna meet her in the park, huh?
Kingfish Stevens
Yeah, seven o' clock tonight he gonna be looking for me under the name of Hernando. And I was gonna be looking for her under the name of Juliet. Well, it's almost seven o'. Clock. Juliet ought to be here any minute. Juliet, where is you at? There's I gonna meet the person who is idealistic suited to me. Wait a minute, here comes somebody. Oh, I bet it's Juliet. Juliet, Here I is. Come to me. Is that you?
Sapphire Stevens
Juliet yes it is. Amanda. John Stevens Mama. Oh no.
Kingfish Stevens
Be sure to be with us again
Narrator
next week at the same time when we'll again present radio's all time favorites Amos and Andy. This is Wendell Nile saying good night
Kingfish Stevens
to all of you from all of us.
Bleacher Report Announcer
The Bleacher Report app is your destination for sports right now. The NBA is heating up, March Madness is here, and MLB is almost back. Every day there's a new headline, a new highlight, a new moment you've got to see for yourself. That's why I stay locked in with the Bleacher Report app. For me, it's about staying connected to my sports. I can follow the teams I care about, get real time scores, breaking news and highlights all in one place. Download the Bleacher Report app today so you never miss a moment.
Talkspace Sponsor
This podcast is sponsored by Talkspace. Last year I went through many different life changes. I needed to take a pause and examine how I was feeling in the inside to better show up for the ones who need me to be my best version of myself. When you're navigating life's changes, Talkspace can help. Talkspace is the number one rated online therapy, bringing you professional support from licensed therapists and psychiatry providers that you can access anytime, anywhere. Living a busy life, navigating a long distance relationship, becoming a first stepfather, Talkspace made all of those journeys possible. I could speak with my therapist in the office. I could speak of my therapist in the comfort of my home. I was never alone. I Talkspace works with most major insurers and most insured members have a zero dollar copay. No insurance, no problem. Now get $80 off your first month with promo code SPACE80 when you go to Talkspace. Com. Match with a licensed therapist today at talkspace. Com. Save $80 with code SPACE80@Talkspace. Com.
Podcast: Harold's Old Time Radio
Host: Harold's Old Time Radio
Episode Date: March 25, 2026
This episode of Amos & Andy, titled "Kingfish Leaves His Wife," delves into the comedic misadventures of George "Kingfish" Stevens as he attempts to bring romance back to his marriage with Sapphire, only to end up considering leaving her—and joining a "Get Acquainted Club" in hopes of finding happiness elsewhere. The episode is filled with witty banter, situational comedy, and clever commentary on romance, aging, and marriage, all while lampooning the idea of "forbidden romances" and matchmaking clubs.
"Well, I would, honey, but Mr. Wilson might punch me in the nose." (02:18, Kingfish)
"You go ahead. When you get back, I'll be waiting here with a hot water bottle and some sort." (02:56, Kingfish)
"I realized I wasn't exactly no ding dong Daddy from Dumas." (06:28, Kingfish)
"I got scents on me that won't come to the surface for days... She sure looks the part, all right." (11:50, Kingfish)
"Three of the waiters carried me out of the nightclub on the table floor... Wound up spending the most enchanting part of the evening with a chiropractor." (16:03 – 16:20)
"If that's a bill collector, Hernando must be working for the gas company." (18:31, Andy)
"That does it, Andy. I is leaving that woman for good." (19:45, Kingfish)
"Let her find romance if you wants her. That's why I going in here to see Algonquin J. Calhoun—I'm gonna change my will!" (20:23, Kingfish)
"You've been married to old Baldy for 22 years. And it's high time you met some human being." (24:41, Mama)
Kingfish: "Here at the club you can just call me Hernando." (27:12) Narrator: "We always make it a practice for them to conceal themselves under a pseudonym..." (26:48)
Kingfish: "Juliet, here I is. Come to me. Is that you?"
Sapphire: "Juliet, yes it is. Amanda. John Stevens Mama. Oh no." (29:33 – 29:57)
Kingfish on Romance at Home:
"Next time you hint, hint on key." (01:55, Kingfish)
Andy’s Sarcasm about Romance:
“There ain't no other man going to be interested in Sapphire.” (05:40, Andy)
Kingfish’s Self-Deprecation:
"With my skin toupee and my bloodshot eyes... I wasn't exactly no ding dong Daddy from Dumas." (06:10 – 06:28, Kingfish)
Calhoun’s Perspective on Marriage:
"Oh, I tell you, boys, I worship the ground she walked on. I worship the air she breathed... Was then how come you never married her? I couldn't stand her." (22:48 – 23:21, Calhoun)
Sapphire’s Mother’s Wisdom:
"He came home from the office one night and kissed me for the first time in 20 years. Next morning when I went out to start the car, the motor blew up." (23:51, Mama)
This episode humorously explores marital expectations and miscommunications, peppered with memorable wisecracks, self-effacing humor, and the timeless sitcom resolution: even when seeking “ideal” partners, Kingfish and Sapphire end up together—suggesting maybe, just maybe, they really are a match after all.
The tone is classic Amos & Andy: quick-witted, slyly satirical, and delightfully old-fashioned in its approach to love and relationships. This episode is a perfect snapshot of Golden Age radio comedy—rich in character-driven humor and wisecracks that ring true for listeners, even today.