Amos & Andy - Nazi Spy

Summary

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Amos & Andy - "Nazi Spy"

Podcast: Harold's Old Time Radio
Date: March 26, 2026
Guest: Paul Lucas (Academy Award-winning actor)

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Episode Overview

This episode of Amos & Andy, originally aired during radio's Golden Age, delivers a classic blend of comedy and mistaken identity. The story centers on a comic misunderstanding: Lightning suspects a hotel guest (played by Hollywood star Paul Lucas) of being a Nazi spy. Amos, Andy, Kingfish, and Lightning set out to investigate, drawing inspiration from recent headlines and the lure of a reward for catching enemy agents.

As the situation escalates, their amateur sleuthing leads to a farcical confrontation, culminating in a run-in with the FBI and an amusing reward for their efforts. The episode is a satirical take on wartime paranoia, peppered with meta-humor and playful jabs at Hollywood spy thrillers.

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Key Discussion Points & Story Breakdown

1. Post-Movie Chatter at the Office

[01:30 - 03:06]

• Amos, Andy, Kingfish, and Lightning discuss a night out at the movies, poking fun at Andy for sleeping through parts of multiple films.
• Andy expresses confusion over a spy movie plot—foreshadowing the coming comedy of errors.

"I can't figure out these moving picture companies... I couldn't figure out why this Russian soldier bails out of an airplane...and later on he turns out to be Andy Hardy."
— Andy ([01:50])

2. Suspicion is Aroused

[03:06 - 05:20]

• Lightning, who works at a hotel, remarks that a guest named "Gordon" (Paul Lucas) might be a spy due to his accent and secretiveness.
• The prospect of a monetary reward for catching spies makes the group eager to investigate.

"He even talks like a spy to me...got some kind of accent in the middle of his voice."
— Lightning ([03:38])

3. The “Investigation” Plan

[04:45 - 05:20]

• The group concocts a plan: Lightning will eavesdrop on "Gordon" while vacuuming, hoping to uncover suspicious activities or papers.

"When you was vacuuming around there...work as close to the man as you can so...you don't miss a word he said."
— Kingfish ([04:53])

4. Inside Mr. Gordon's Room

[05:21 - 08:24]

• Paul Lucas’s character (Gordon) is revealed to be in hiding under a false name for rest, not espionage.
• He discusses his displeasure with roles involving Nazi characters and wishes for more comedic scripts for his next picture.
• Lightning awkwardly attempts surveillance by vacuuming the room excessively, drawing comedic attention.

"Not again, please. You have vacuumed the room five times today."
— Paul Lucas as Mr. Gordon ([07:52])
"This hotel has the most amazing type of service...not only sweep your place five times a day, but whatever they sweep up, they bring back."
— Paul Lucas ([08:11])

5. The Evidence Mounts

[10:30 - 11:06]

• Lightning claims to overhear Gordon discussing “Nazis” and confessions, picking up a photo of Gordon in a Nazi uniform (a film prop), further confirming their suspicions.
• Andy and Kingfish plot to “merge” their spy operations with Gordon’s to gain his confidence.

6. The Classic Comic Trap

[13:11 - 15:39]

• Kingfish and Andy pose as rival spies (“Mr. X47” and “Mr. X94”), proposing a merger with Gordon, and suggesting blowing up docks and warehouses together.
• Lucas plays along, arranging to meet under the wharf at 38th Street with "the boss."

"We as two of the most desperate spies in the country."
— Kingfish ([11:19])
"Oh, we'll really make a night of it."
— Andy ([15:11])

7. FBI Involvement & Double-Cross

[15:39 - 16:39]

• Paul Lucas, wary of Andy and Kingfish, meets FBI Chief Murdoch to alert the authorities of his suspicions, setting up a classic double-trap.

"If they are really spies, I never would have forgiven myself."
— Paul Lucas ([16:20])
"I'll have one of my men go along with you...he knows exactly what to do."
— Chief Murdoch ([16:26])

8. The Showdown at the Wharf

[18:40 - 23:00]

• The foursome gathers under the wharf (“dynamite makes right” as password), with the FBI agent Carter joining as Lucas’s “boss.”
• Kingfish and Andy try to backpedal as talk turns to actually blowing up the wharf then awkwardly attempt escape with the dynamite.
• The ruse is revealed: Lucas discloses his identity as a famous actor, and Carter is an FBI agent. The pair are threatened with a trip to headquarters.

"Honestly, the only thing I ever blowed up in my whole life was a balloon."
— Andy ([22:49])

9. Aftermath and Resolution

[24:07 - 25:41]

• The misunderstanding is resolved; Lucas sees the humor and decides to use the “spy trap” scenario in his next movie.
• He rewards Lightning with $100 from his studio and an extra $50 of his own for ensuring Lightning won’t vacuum his room again.

"This whole spy idea is going to be used in my next picture. And in appreciation for your efforts, my studio would like to present you with this hundred dollar bill."
— Paul Lucas ([25:15])
"If you promise never to vacuum my room again."
— Paul Lucas ([25:41])

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Andy explains his confusion over a movie’s plot:
  "I couldn't figure out why this Russian soldier bails out of an airplane... later on he turns out to be Andy Hardy." ([01:58])
• Lightning marvels at “spy-like” behavior:
  "He even talks like a spy to me... got some kind of accent in the middle of his voice." ([03:38])
• Kingfish on their own command of English:
  "It ain't everybody that speak good English like we done do." ([03:53])
• Paul Lucas on hotel’s vacuum service:
  "Not again, please. You have vacuumed the room five times today." ([07:52])
• Meta-humor from Lucas regarding his acting roles:
  "I'm not too keen about playing the part of a Nazi... all this blowing up bridges and dynamiting railroads... may hurt my popularity." ([12:37])
• Andy and Kingfish try to “merge” spy businesses:
  "We could pull our dynamite and really do something worthwhile up here." ([14:03])
• Kingfish on Andy’s tennis shoes at a spy meet:
  "Andy, you sure don't look much like a spy with them white tennis shoes on." ([19:09])
• Andy’s comic reluctance:
  "If you drop that dynamite, you're liable to be in Harlem, Brooklyn and the Bronx all at the same time." — Kingfish ([22:06])
• Resolution & reward:
  "If you promise never to vacuum my room again." — Paul Lucas ([25:41])

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Important Timestamps

• [01:30] – The group discusses last night's movies, Andy reveals his confusion about spy stories.
• [03:21] – Lightning suspects “Gordon” of being a spy.
• [04:53] – Kingfish instructs Lightning on eavesdropping with a vacuum.
• [07:50] – Paul Lucas’s character confronts Lightning about obsessive vacuuming.
• [11:08] – The plot to confront Gordon as “fellow spies.”
• [13:11] – Kingfish and Andy introduce themselves as Mr. X47 and X94.
• [15:39] – Paul Lucas visits the FBI.
• [19:39] – The password: “Dynamite makes right” at the wharf.
• [22:49] – The ruse is revealed; Andy and Kingfish claim innocence.
• [25:15] – Lightning receives $100 (plus $50) reward for his “spying.”

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Episode Tone & Style

The episode is fast-paced and farcical, packed with puns, wordplay, and slapstick misunderstandings. The dialogue is snappy, self-aware, and metatextual (meta-comments about movie plots and acting). The humor is broad, leaning on mistaken identity, exaggerations of wartime spy fever, and the haplessness of amateur sleuths.

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This summary captures the playful mayhem, comic confusion, and meta-media winks that make this Amos & Andy episode a Golden Age radio classic.

Transcript

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[Lightning]

Andy.

[Amos]

Andy, Come on, let's go.

[Andy]

Wait a minute, Amos. What's going on here?

[Narrator / Announcer]

It's the Amos and Andy show. Yes, welcome to the Amos and Andy show with their guest tonight, the motion picture Academy Award winner, Mr. Paul Lucas. And now to our stars and their show. Here are Amos and Andy and their guest for tonight, Mr. Paul Lucas. Last night the monthly meeting of the women's auxiliary was held at the Lodge Hall. The married men took advantage of the evening off and went to the neighborhood movie theater where they saw four full length features, half and selected shorts. Andy went with the boys and at the moment they're all in the office discussing the show.

[Andy]

Well, recid and everything. It was a pretty good show last night for 20 cents.

[Amos]

Yeah, when you get full feature pictures for that money, that's a bargain. They was all good too.

[Andy]

Yeah, but I can't figure out these moving picture companies though. Now take that one picture there. They started it off in technical color and ended it up regular.

[Kingfish]

Oh, what you talking about, Andy? You fell asleep there for an hour and a half and you see the beginning of one picture and the end of another one.

[Andy]

Oh, that was it, huh? I thought that story was a little jumpy. I couldn't figure out why this Russian soldier bails out of an airplane with a parachute and later on he turns out to be Andy hardy.

[Lightning]

I remember, Ms. Andy, when you used to sleep all day in the picture show.

[Andy]

Quiet, light and quiet. You know, there was another picture they had there that I didn't understand. That spy story. And I was awake during the whole thing too.

[Kingfish]

Oh, didn't understand it, huh?

[Andy]

No.

[Kingfish]

You know, Andy, whether you was awake or asleep, the results seemed to be the same.

[Lightning]

Yeah, well, what was it that bothered

[Amos]

you about the spy story, Andy?

[Andy]

Well, in the first place, it just wasn't natural to have an enemy spy living right here in New York.

[Amos]

Oh, look, Andy, that could happen. I read in the paper only the other day that they caught an enemy spy over in Brooklyn. His Next door neighbor got suspicious of him, reported it to the FBI. They investigated the thing and they found out the man really was a spy and they arrested him. The fellow that reported him got a big reward for it too.

[Andy]

Reward in money, huh?

[Lightning]

Talking about spies. You know, I took that job down at the hotel and I was just thinking, there's a fellow living down there that could be a spy. I know he ain't using his right name. At least he don't answer to it.

[Andy]

Well, that don't mean nothing, Lightning. I used to call on a gal and her papa was a truck driver. I told him my name was Frank Smith. That didn't mean I was a spy though, did it?

[Lightning]

No, sir.

[Andy]

It's just that I didn't want to get kicked down the steps under my own name.

[Lightning]

This fella, the hotel calls itself Gordon. He even talks like a spy to me. Mr. Gordon has got some kind of accent in the middle of his voice. And he don't talk good English.

[Kingfish]

Well, that don't prove nothing either, Lightning. After all, when it come to using the United States language and good grammars. Why, it ain't everybody that speak good English like we done do.

[Andy]

Yeah, that's right. And when we doos it, we speaks it fluently too.

[Amos]

Hey, look, fellas, Lightning might be wrong about this whole thing, but at the same time he might have something there. I don't know.

[Kingfish]

Yeah, he might have that. You know it. And with a chance of a reward. Say, we don't want to let no spies slip through our fingers here. Say, what kind of work do you do at the hotel, Lightning?

[Lightning]

Vacuuming and emptying waste baskets and stuff like that. They told me that I supposed to do everything that's too heavy for a maid to do. But not heavy enough to hire a man for.

[Andy]

Look here, Lightning, Listen, the idea done hit me in the head here. When you go up there this afternoon to work around, keep your eyes open and see what you can find out.

[Kingfish]

Yeah, and look here. When you was vacuuming around there, and this is reporting, Lightning. Now listen, when you was vacuuming, work as close to the man as you can so. So that you don't miss a word he said.

[Lightning]

Ayea, sir. I'll do that.

[Kingfish]

And there's a old detective trick that you can use with that vacuuming too. In case you sees any suspicious papers around there. When the man is in the room, all you gotta do is kind of sweep him up in the vacuum. And when you gets out in the hall, you empties the bag and there it Is.

[Andy]

Yeah, lightning.

[Paul Lucas / Mr. Gordon]

That's right.

[Andy]

You might even put the vacuum on the dresser and suck up anything that's laying around there too. Well, paul lucas, I finally found you.

[Paul Lucas / Mr. Gordon]

Come in, richard. So Warner Brothers have transferred you to their New York office, huh?

[Andy]

That's right.

[Paul Lucas / Mr. Gordon]

They made me the eastern representative.

[Richard]

Say, Paul, what's the idea of all the secrecy?

[Paul Lucas / Mr. Gordon]

You mean registering in this hotel under the name of Gordon? Yeah, it's just because my doctor wants me to take a complete rest and so for a few days I'm hiding out here.

[Richard]

Well, tell me, Paul, have you read

[Andy]

over the script of your next picture?

[Paul Lucas / Mr. Gordon]

Yes, I have, Richard. And to be perfectly frank, I'm not too happy with it. For one thing, it's a Nazi picture and I would like a different type of part. Then on top of that, it's the kind of story that would have some comedy in it, but there is none. What? Have you spoken to Jack Warner about all this, Paul? No, but I have a call in for Hollywood now. I expect to talk to him around 5 o'.

[Andy]

Clock.

[Richard]

I'm sure he'll straighten everything out. Oh, say, before I forget it, my little niece wants an autographed picture of you. I dug up this old one. Would you mind signing this?

[Andy]

Oh, yes.

[Paul Lucas / Mr. Gordon]

This one is Nazi uniform. Yeah, just lay it on the desk there. I'll sign it before you go, Richard. I don't have a pen. Right here.

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[Bleacher Report Announcer]

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[Paul Lucas / Mr. Gordon]

Oh, come in.

[Lightning]

Ah. Hello, Mercad.

[Paul Lucas / Mr. Gordon]

Not again, please. You have vacuumed the room five times today.

[Lightning]

Yeah, so? Well, I just trying to keep the floor from getting dirtied up with suspicious paper. Here are some stuff that I got in the last load. You can have it back. It don't prove nothing.

[Andy]

Thank you.

[Paul Lucas / Mr. Gordon]

You know, Richard, this hotel has the most amazing type of service I've ever known. They not only sweep your place five times a day, but whatever they sweep up, they bring back.

[Narrator / Announcer]

Yes, I can see that.

[Paul Lucas / Mr. Gordon]

Now, look here, young fellow. This time would you do me the favor of starting in the bedroom? You haven't been in there for half an hour. It must be filthy.

[Lightning]

Yes, I'll start vacuuming in the bedroom, Mr. Gordon.

[Paul Lucas / Mr. Gordon]

Richard, I have never known such service in my life. The carpets in this hotel can't last a week. Well, I shouldn't imagine the guest would last that long. Now, Richard, to go back to my attitude about my career, I feel very strongly about this Nazi business.

[Richard]

Well, I can understand why you're concerned, but I think you're wrong.

[Paul Lucas / Mr. Gordon]

Possibly, Richard. Yes, but don't you see how it might affect my future? Of course, I realize that the Nazi angle has a tremendous following.

[Richard]

Certainly.

[Narrator / Announcer]

That's why there's a lot of money in it.

[Paul Lucas / Mr. Gordon]

Well, that's true, but suppose we look at it in another way.

[Lightning]

How's that?

[Paul Lucas / Mr. Gordon]

Offhand, I would say that the thing to consider is the question of young men. Turn that off. Yes, and I would appreciate it very much if you would take the vacuum cleaner out from between my legs. I thought I asked you to start in the bedroom.

[Lightning]

Yes, I sure finished quick, didn't I,

[Paul Lucas / Mr. Gordon]

Richard, suppose we go in the other room.

[Richard]

Yeah, it's all right with me.

[Lightning]

Me too.

[Paul Lucas / Mr. Gordon]

No, you stay here. Come, Richard. This matter is very important to me. We can talk about it inside.

[Andy]

Well, it's worth trying.

[Paul Lucas / Mr. Gordon]

Now, you remember when I was making confessions of a Nazi spy?

[Richard]

I remember very well.

[Paul Lucas / Mr. Gordon]

Oh, Richard, don't look now, but I think we are being followed. What can I do? Oh, I have it. Let's go in here. This will be our sanctuary. Now, as I was saying, Richard, the important thing in this question is that.

[Lightning]

Oh, shut that off.

[Paul Lucas / Mr. Gordon]

Since when do you vacuum a tile floor?

[Kingfish]

So you really think the man is a spy, huh, Leighton?

[Lightning]

Yes, I hear him. And another man talking about Nazis and all that stuff. He was even talking about one time when he had to confess because he was a Nazi spy.

[Andy]

Yeah. Well, fellas, I think we got something here.

[Lightning]

I said, well, this ought to prove it. Look here. Here's a picture of him that I done picked up off his desk.

[Andy]

Oh, yeah, and in a Nazi uniform. Look at there, fellas. That settles it.

[Kingfish]

You know, Ander, there'd be a big reward for capturing a big spy like this. Yeah, but we really gotta get the goods on him.

[Andy]

Yeah, well, how you gonna do that, Andy?

[Kingfish]

I got an idea. Listen, Andy, if we could get up there and talk to this guy and tell him that we as spies too, he might open up and tell us everything.

[Andy]

Yeah, you got something there.

[Kingfish]

And that's what we're going to do. Look here, we're going up to see Mr. Gordon. And remember, we as two of the most desperate spies in the country.

[Lightning]

Hello.

[Paul Lucas / Mr. Gordon]

Jack Warner. Oh, yes, put him on, please. Hello. Hello, Jack. Yes, I am going under the name of Gordon. What? Well, the picture script is all right, Jack, but for one thing, I. I think that it needs a big comedy situation in the middle someplace. That's right. Exactly. Yes. Well, the other thing that bothers me is that I am not too keen about playing the part of a Nazi. You have me cast there as a saboteur, blowing up bridges and doing many things which. Oh, hold it a minute, Jack. There is somebody knocking. Always when I'm talking long distance.

[Kingfish]

Ms. Gordon, we'd like to speak to you.

[Andy]

Oh, yes, private, if we can.

[Paul Lucas / Mr. Gordon]

Well, come in. I have an important telephone call in the other room. Excuse me. Please sit down.

[Andy]

Oh, yeah. Oh, keep your ears, old man.

[Paul Lucas / Mr. Gordon]

Hello, Jack. I'm sorry to keep you waiting. Yes, as I was saying, I don't like the idea of blowing up bridges.

[Andy]

Andy dares. Amen.

[Paul Lucas / Mr. Gordon]

Yes, I know, Jack, but all of this blowing up bridges and dynamiting railroads and general destruction of property, all of these may hurt my popularity.

[Andy]

He's right. That ain't exactly the way to make friends.

[Kingfish]

Yeah, the boy ain't no sissy, is he?

[Paul Lucas / Mr. Gordon]

Well, now, that sounds a little better. Jack.

[Narrator / Announcer]

What?

[Paul Lucas / Mr. Gordon]

Ah, yes, I'll speak to you again in a day or two. Well, you are the boss. All right, Jack. Goodbye.

[Kingfish]

Now, now, don't forget, Andy, we gotta act like spies.

[Paul Lucas / Mr. Gordon]

Yeah. All right. Now, boys, what can I do for you?

[Andy]

Well, Mr. Gordon, let me introduce myself. My name is Mr. X47.

[Paul Lucas / Mr. Gordon]

I'm happy to know you.

[Andy]

And my friend here is Mr. X94. He got in later than I did.

[Kingfish]

Glad to know you, mister. Pardon me, I didn't get your number.

[Paul Lucas / Mr. Gordon]

Number? I don't know what you mean.

[Andy]

Oh, you can trust us, Mr. Gordon.

[Kingfish]

Yeah. Now, look here we is all in this spy thing. Together.

[Andy]

Great business, ain't it?

[Paul Lucas / Mr. Gordon]

I don't think I quite understand.

[Kingfish]

Now look here, we'll give it to you straight from the shoulder. You as a spy and we a spy.

[Paul Lucas / Mr. Gordon]

Oh, I see.

[Andy]

Yeah, but don't worry, Mr. Gordon. We ain't going to try to cut you out or nothing. There's enough work here for everybody

[Kingfish]

on this. Blowing up bridges and all that stuff. We was even thinking of merging with you, H. Merging? Yeah, we could pull our dynamite and really do something worthwhile up here.

[Andy]

Yeah, do that sound interesting to you?

[Paul Lucas / Mr. Gordon]

You are thoroughly convinced I'm a spy?

[Kingfish]

Oh, we'll take your word for it. A spy with an honest face like

[Andy]

you ain't gonna lie.

[Paul Lucas / Mr. Gordon]

Now, this merger you were talking about, have you some plans?

[Kingfish]

Oh, yeah. So? Yeah, so we. We got some plans all worked out. And if you ain't doing nothing tonight, well, I would like to have you join us.

[Andy]

Yeah, and bring your boss along too.

[Paul Lucas / Mr. Gordon]

You mean you are really planning some of the spy work tonight?

[Andy]

Oh, sure. We as busy with it every night. We ain't never got a minute to ourself.

[Kingfish]

Mr. Gordon, if we told you just half of what we done done in this spy business make your eyes pop out.

[Paul Lucas / Mr. Gordon]

I see. Well, it might be a good idea for us to get together at that. And as you suggest, I'll bring the boss.

[Richard]

Yeah.

[Paul Lucas / Mr. Gordon]

Where do we meet?

[Kingfish]

Well, I'll tell you. A good place. Under the Wharf at 38th street and the river. We'll start from there. We'll blow up docks, dynamite railroads, burn warehouses, wreck factories. Oh, we'll really make a night of it.

[Paul Lucas / Mr. Gordon]

Shall we make it about 10 o' clock tonight?

[Kingfish]

Let's make it 8. My wife don't like me to stay out late.

[Narrator / Announcer]

Well, since Andy and the Kingfish are convinced that Paul Lucas is a spy, they're setting a trap for him. And Lucas, being a little suspicious of the boy's activities, is doing a little trap setting himself. We find him now at FBI headquarters talking to Chief Murdoch.

[Paul Lucas / Mr. Gordon]

Chief Murdoch, it is quite possible that I'm unnecessarily alarmed about this situation.

[Andy]

Not at all, Mr. Lucas. Not at all. Our business is to track down every suspicious incident. Whether tonight might turn out to be a wild goose chase or not.

[Paul Lucas / Mr. Gordon]

Having spoken to these men frankly, it hardly seems possible that they are capable of doing these things which they claim to have done.

[Andy]

Well, you never can tell. They've got some funny ducks doing that kind of work.

[Paul Lucas / Mr. Gordon]

And the reason I came here was that if they are really spies, I never would have forgiven Myself? Of course not.

[Andy]

I'll tell you what we'll do, Mr. Lucas. You meet these fellows by the wharf at the appointed time. I'll have one of my men go along with you. A fellow by the name of Carter. He knows exactly what to do in handling these cases.

[Paul Lucas / Mr. Gordon]

I'll do just as you say.

[Amos]

Well, from what you tell me, fellas, it sure sound like this man Gordon ain't up to no good.

[Andy]

Oh, there ain't no two ways about it. He's a big spy, all right.

[Kingfish]

Oh, that's right. Why, this fella might be Madda Harry himself.

[Lightning]

Yeah.

[Amos]

Well, what is you figuring on doing about it? Is you gonna tell the police now?

[Andy]

No, not yet, we ain't. If they gets in on it too soon, we're gonna have to split the reward. Listen, we has done set a trap already and we're leaving right now to meet the spies. We're gonna get the police in later.

[Amos]

Well, I gotta admit, this is a great thing that you're doing here, fella.

[Andy]

Oh, I can't wait. Come on, Kingfish.

[Amos]

It's gonna take a lot of courage.

[Andy]

Let's get going.

[Amos]

And a lot of bravery, too.

[Andy]

We is on our way.

[Amos]

Of course, you're liable to get shot.

[Andy]

Hold it, hold it, hold it.

[Kingfish]

Now, look, Andy, don't get cold feet now. If there was any danger in this thing, I wouldn't be in it myself.

[Andy]

Yeah, but instead of meeting him under that wharf, though, why couldn't we meet him in front of the police station?

[Kingfish]

Andy, ain't you ashamed of yourself? Suppose Paul Revere done talked that way? You talking now?

[Andy]

Yeah. Well, was he tracking down spies?

[Kingfish]

Oh, certainly. Don't you remember that famous poem, Hardly a man is now alive who don't remember Paul Revere tracking down spies. Oh, that was a great word.

[Amos]

Say, how is you fellas gonna work this whole thing anyway?

[Kingfish]

Well, we got it all figured out, Amos. We meet some down at the wharf where it's dark. Then we finds out where they is going to blow up something and we goes along with them.

[Andy]

Yeah, but one thing I stops and I plays like I'm gonna call up my girl.

[Kingfish]

Yeah, that's right.

[Paul Lucas / Mr. Gordon]

That's what you do.

[Andy]

And then I calls the police, tells them all about it, tips them off so they can meet us there. And we're going to catch them in the act.

[Lightning]

Yeah.

[Amos]

Well, fellas, I tell you what, thinking this thing over and over, everything. Why, you sure doing a patriotic thing here, all right. And I just want to say good

[Kingfish]

luck to both of you. Come on, Andy. If this thing is a success, we is liable to get the Congressional Medal of Honor.

[Andy]

Yeah, and if something blows up under us, we liable to get the Flying Cross. Kingfish, listen, I. I don't know whether we ought to come down here or not. Show is spooky down here under this wharf.

[Kingfish]

Yeah, well, I. I've been in better places. Ain't no doubt about that.

[Andy]

Yeah, I don't see no sign of him yet.

[Kingfish]

Oh, he'll be here. And like you say, he'll bring the boss, too. Andy, you sure don't look much like a spy with them white tennis shoes on.

[Andy]

Yeah, well, case I got to do any running, I want my feet to take hold. Say, Kingfish, how long has we been here?

[Kingfish]

What does you mean, how long we've been here? Maybe 15 seconds.

[Andy]

Yeah, well. Well, you think there's any point in waiting any longer?

[Kingfish]

Andy, will you please calm down?

[Lightning]

Hello. Hello there.

[Amos]

Wait a minute.

[Kingfish]

Here they come. How is your. This is X47 and X94. Advance and give the password. Which is? Dynamite makes right. Dynamite makes right. Okay, friend, Precede down here.

[Paul Lucas / Mr. Gordon]

Well, we meet again.

[Kingfish]

Yeah.

[Andy]

Yes. Nice to see you. Pardon the tennis shoes I got on. I just come off the courts.

[Paul Lucas / Mr. Gordon]

I would like to meet our boss here, Mr. Carter.

[Kingfish]

How is your old boy?

[Andy]

Yeah, I'm pleased to make your acquaintance, boys.

[Richard]

It's a pleasure to meet you. Could you bring some dynamite with you?

[Kingfish]

With us?

[Andy]

Well, you see, funny thing.

[Kingfish]

Just at the last minute, we discovered we was clean out of dynamite. And just our luck, all the stores was closed.

[Paul Lucas / Mr. Gordon]

I think Carter here has enough for our needs.

[Richard]

Why, yes, sure. There's enough here in this package to blow up the whole town.

[Andy]

Well, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's good. I'm glad to hear that.

[Kingfish]

Where are you going to do this job so we can get over there.

[Richard]

Well, boys, I think we'll start work right here. We blow this war up and the warehouse goes right with it.

[Kingfish]

Oh, wait, wait, wait a minute. I thought we was just meeting here.

[Richard]

Well, this is a good place to start, don't you think so, Gordon? Yeah, this place is on the list, too, ain't it, Gordon?

[Andy]

Yeah, You're.

[Richard]

You're with us on this, ain't you? X47?

[Andy]

Yeah, sure.

[Kingfish]

Why don't we leave here and blow up something someplace else?

[Andy]

Yeah, someplace near a telephone.

[Paul Lucas / Mr. Gordon]

This is no time to argue.

[Andy]

Come on.

[Paul Lucas / Mr. Gordon]

No time to argue. Car to the dynamite.

[Richard]

Okay, okay, I'll unwrap it.

[Andy]

Here.

[Richard]

I think there's two dozen sticks here.

[Paul Lucas / Mr. Gordon]

That's Good. That makes six apiece.

[Andy]

This six a piece. Kingfish, I got to make a telephone call.

[Kingfish]

Yeah. Come on. I'll show you where the nearest phone is. Come on.

[Paul Lucas / Mr. Gordon]

Stop. No one leaves here until the job is done.

[Richard]

Here, buddy, here. Here's six sticks for you.

[Andy]

Yeah. Yes, sir. Yeah.

[Kingfish]

Be careful. And where's that seagull stump you had?

[Andy]

I swallowed it.

[Paul Lucas / Mr. Gordon]

Give the other man his six sticks and let's get to work.

[Kingfish]

Well, I don't want to take none of that. Here, here, here, take him.

[Andy]

Yeah, Sir. Yeah. Somebody take this dynamite I got, will you? I can't hold it no longer.

[Paul Lucas / Mr. Gordon]

Now, careful. Do not drop that.

[Andy]

Oh, me Kingfish, I wish I was back in Harlem.

[Kingfish]

If you drop that dynamite, you're liable to be in Harlem, Brooklyn and the Bronx all at the same time.

[Amos]

Hold on,

[Andy]

mister. Could we leave here so I could talk to my gal?

[Kingfish]

Yes, I'd like to talk to his gal, too, mister.

[Andy]

Yeah. Here, here, mister, take this stuff. It wouldn't be fair for us to use your dynamite, no way. Yeah.

[Kingfish]

See you again sometime.

[Andy]

Spies, old boy.

[Paul Lucas / Mr. Gordon]

Wait a minute.

[Richard]

All right, Mr. Lucas.

[Paul Lucas / Mr. Gordon]

All right.

[Richard]

I think I've heard enough. These guys are phonies.

[Andy]

Well, wait a minute, Mr. Gordon.

[Paul Lucas / Mr. Gordon]

My name is not Gordon. My name is Paul Lucas.

[Andy]

Paul Lucas.

[Paul Lucas / Mr. Gordon]

And this gentleman here happens to be an FBI man.

[Richard]

I don't know what you men are up to, but we'll certainly find out down at headquarters.

[Kingfish]

Well, now, wait just a minute. Look here, mister, I'll tell you the truth. Now, we just thought this man here was a spy, and we was trying to trap him by saying that we were spies ourselves.

[Andy]

Yeah, so that's right, mister. Honestly, the only thing I ever blowed up in my whole life was a balloon.

[Richard]

Well, we'll get to the bottom of this. I can promise you that.

[Andy]

Oh, well, please, mister, you can't take us down to headquarters.

[Richard]

Well, didn't you say you were espionage agents?

[Kingfish]

Y we as that all right, but I. Claire, we ain't spies.

[Paul Lucas / Mr. Gordon]

Yes, Jack. Yes, that's the whole story. It all happened since I last talked with you on the phone. I think it's very funny, of course. Oh, yes. From overhearing the conversation with you on the phone and seeing the picture of me in the Nazi uniform, they decided I was an enemy spy. And then they went through all this trouble to trap me. What? Oh, that's a good idea. Yes, I'd be glad to do it. What's that? Oh, the two men, they released them immediately.

[Lightning]

Yes.

[Paul Lucas / Mr. Gordon]

I'll go up and See them, Jack? Yes, well, the whole thing just proves once again that truth is stranger than fiction.

[Andy]

Oh, I tell you, Kingfish, I am still nervous about that whole spy thing.

[Kingfish]

Yeah, it turned out to be a mess, didn't it? When we planned the thing and worked it all out, I thought we was on the right track there.

[Lightning]

Well, it ain't no harm done as long as you didn't get in no serious trouble.

[Andy]

Yeah, well, it's just that.

[Kingfish]

Wait a minute. Come in.

[Paul Lucas / Mr. Gordon]

How do you do, gentlemen?

[Andy]

Oh, hello, Mr. Lucas.

[Paul Lucas / Mr. Gordon]

Dynamite makes right. May I come in?

[Kingfish]

Yes, yes. Sit down, Mr. Lucas. Here, take this chair right here.

[Paul Lucas / Mr. Gordon]

Thank you. And, oh, my friend from the hotel. How are you?

[Lightning]

I'm pretty good, thank you, sir.

[Paul Lucas / Mr. Gordon]

Now, the reason I'm here, gentlemen.

[Kingfish]

Well, now, wait just a minute, Mr. Lucas. Now, look here. Now, I won't tell you. Before you say anything, I just want you to know right now that all that spy stuff wasn't our fault. Lightning here is the man that started the whole thing. Planned it all out. Or he's the one. He ain't got no sense. He's the one that done. He done cost us a lot of money in his life. I tell you, he ain't no good. Lightning is the one that's responsible.

[Andy]

Quiet, Lightning. Let somebody else talk, will you?

[Kingfish]

That's right.

[Andy]

What the kingfish say, Mr. Lucas. The whole thing was Lightning's idea.

[Paul Lucas / Mr. Gordon]

Well, then, Lightning, I have something to say to you. Now, this whole spy idea is going to be used in my next picture. And in appreciation for your efforts, my studio would like to present you with this hundred dollar bill.

[Andy]

What for, lightning?

[Lightning]

$100 bill, just for what I done.

[Paul Lucas / Mr. Gordon]

That's right. And I personally will give you another $50 too.

[Lightning]

What's that for?

[Paul Lucas / Mr. Gordon]

If you promise never to vacuum my room again.

[Narrator / Announcer]

Next Friday evening at the same time, there will be another Amos and Andy show. At that time, Andy gets in a jam. That could happen to you. Did you ever get suspended? Suspicious when somebody gave you something? Well, tune in next Friday night. Our thanks to Mr. Paul Lucas for appearing with us tonight. He is currently starred in the Warner Brothers picture, Uncertain Glory. The Amos and Andy show is broadcast to our armed forces everywhere. This is Harlow Wilcox. And before I say good night, one more reminder. It's so much easier for you ladies to save used fats now, what with rationing off so many things. You ought to be doubling and tripling the amount you turn in. It's more urgently needed than ever for precious medicines and supplies. And you'll get 4 cents and 2 red points for every pound you turn in. Thank you and good night.

[Liberty Mutual Announcer]

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[Lightning]

Hey, everyone. Check out this guy and his bird. What is this, your first date?

[Narrator / Announcer]

Oh, no.

[Liberty Mutual Announcer]

We help people customize and save on car insurance with Liberty Mutual together. We're married. Me to a human, him to a bird.

[Lightning]

Yeah, the bird looks out of your league anyways.

[Liberty Mutual Announcer]

Only pay for what you [e-mail] Liberty.

[Lightning]

Liberty. Liberty. Liberty.

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