
Amos & Andy - Raising Money for the Lodge
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Kingfish
Oh, it ain't no two ways about it, Andy, but we can make this one of the greatest lodges in the world. With me as the kingfish and you as the wing.
Kingsley
Oh, sure, sure. Me and you can fix it up. All right, Kingsley.
Kingfish
Well, here come Amos.
Kingsley
Well, Amos, you just in time.
Amos
Hello there, Kingsfield. Hello there, Amos.
Kingfish
Brother Amos, how is you?
Amos
Oh, I've already thank you.
Kingsley
We was just requesting some things here about the lodge.
Amos
You been doing what?
Kingsley
We've been talking over the situation.
Amos
What's the matter down there now go
Kingsley
ahead, Kingfish, tell Amos some of the stuff that we are going to do.
Kingfish
Well, Amos, you know we got to have some money in the large bank account before we can go ahead with the great work.
Amos
Yeah, I guess you got to have some money if you going to fix up the place down there.
Kingsley
Me and the Kingfish, you done figured the whole thing out. All you gotta do is sit still and do what we tell you to do. We has done all the thinking already.
Amos
Go ahead, tell me what you going to do.
Kingsley
Go ahead.
Kingfish
Well, brother Emos, we are done about it. To assess the memo.
Amos
What is he going to do to him?
Kingsley
Recess them, Amos. Recess them. Make them pay some money.
Kingfish
Nemos, we are going to tell the brother that on account of everything going wrong that each member is going to have to pay $5 in a minute.
Amos
I ain't got no $5 to be paid.
Kingsley
Explain that part I was doing. Face, that's the stuff that you told me. Explain that.
Kingfish
Hires got it fixed so that the officer came out opinion.
Amos
How did he do that, Amos?
Kingsley
Just like I told you. Me and the Kingsman can run this lodge so that everybody can have a good time and everything else. Now you just listen to what everybody got to say here at that office. Go ahead, Kingsley, explain to them how come we ain't got a favor. Explain that to Emos.
Kingfish
Well, brother Emils, I done with a new violence.
Kingsley
Boy, These bylaws is a thing what is the bylaw?
Kingfish
Well, I'll read it to you here. I've got it right here on a piece of paper. We were just talking it over when you come in. Now it says here, be it resolved whereof hereafter and even after that.
Amos
That's good, ain't it? What do that mean?
Kingsley
Just listen to the bylaw, Angel. Don't worry about that. Go ahead, Kingsley. Reading the bylaw.
Kingfish
Well, the bylaw, when assessment is made in the lodge of the Mystic Knights of the Sea, the officers of the lodge will be known as the the, and the members of the lodge will be known as the The.
Kingsley
You see, Amos, the the is and all the victories like us is the Thesaurs.
Amos
Well, that ought to fix it up there the way you got it there. Now that's good.
Kingsley
He ain't read it to you yet though, ain't he?
Amos
I thought sure I heard him say something.
Kingfish
You see, Brother Amos, I ain't come to the part that gets us out of it.
Amos
Oh, maybe I ain't heard you yet, huh?
Kingsley
How are you going to hear him if he didn't set me?
Amos
Yeah, but I thought I heard him say it.
Kingsley
Well, now, wait a minute. Go ahead, King.
Kingfish
Now, the bylaw says when the cesspool is made, assess all the is without cess. Wait a minute now let me see this. If the assess the theft is without cess, mess with the death on. That's it.
Amos
Well, now the doggone that is good, Beth is a mess of something going on though, Em.
Kingfish
You see how that works out, Emil?
Kingsley
I'll have to explain it to him after a while, Kingfish. I. I'll explain that to him after a while.
Kingfish
In other words, Emil, you is a cess all and a cessile assesses a setee without cessing themselves.
Amos
Thank you. Huh?
Kingsley
Now listen, Emma, and I'll explain it to you. If the lodge is gonna put on a Cessna, what is the first thing that they do?
Kingfish
I give up, Amos.
Kingsley
The first thing they do is start trusting everybody, don't they?
Kingfish
Wait a minute now, Brother Amy, let me explain this to Amos in another way. Now, just a second.
Amos
Yeah, put it to me another way. Then explain that to me in a different way.
Kingsley
Yeah, try that.
Kingfish
Well, Remus, when you have settlements, everybody pays the settlement except the opposite. Now, when our unrecipable is Bible, that is what we get.
Amos
Who gets it?
Kingsley
The members in general even know what the general you're talking about.
Amos
You say the number will get it. One time you talk about taking away from and the Next time they get it.
Kingsley
They get it, Amos, but they don't get it. Do you get it?
Amos
Do I get it?
Kingsley
Yeah.
Kingfish
He means do you get what he is talking about?
Amos
I ain't got nothing up to now.
Kingfish
Well, anyway a. That is the way it works.
Amos
It do, huh?
Kingfish
According to the last few times we just remember it figures.
Kingsley
Super,
Amos
huh?
Kingsley
I got to explain all that to him. As you go again.
Kingfish
2% of the members that you said pay possession. 98% of them don't pay no pent up.
Kingsley
Wait a minute, King. Wait a minute. I'm thinking here. I got a great idea.
Kingfish
Well, what is your idea, Fernanda?
Kingsley
If it's on but 2%, Instead of sending them $5, why don't we set them $100? Or don't put super good up the Bears.
Kingfish
And anyway, and brother Andy, if we just remember the hundred dollars with nobody there, that would scare all of the fellows in.
Kingsley
That is right, angel. I wonder why I thought that. I guess that got into my head there if I mistake.
Kingfish
Oh yeah. You see, brother Andy, we could work that out. Way to doctor those two brothers or those two defense boys. But I don't see how we're going to do it without scaring them all.
Kingsley
Let that one go.
Kingfish
Well, boys, everything is going to work out all right. I'll get on home now and I'll see you brothers later.
Amos
All right, King Sig, I'll see you later then.
Kingsley
So long, King.
Kingfish
Go long, boys. So long.
Kingsley
Well, Amos, we got to get the money in the lot. That's one thing that we got to do.
Amos
I. I don't get what it's talking.
Kingsley
I'll explain that to you tonight when we get home. Andrew, I can't do it now. I was all worn out now from spinning my brain when he was here.
Amos
I'm kind of worried myself now.
Kingsley
Andrew, what are you worried about?
Amos
Well, ever since Mr. Taylor passed me on the street when I was talking to Tipsy Face, I've been worried. So I went over to see Mr. Taylor.
Kingsley
You been over to old man Zayn's house?
Amos
Yeah, I went over that. I done explained the whole thing to him too.
Kingsley
Well, wasn't he mad or both of us?
Amos
No, he seemed to be all right. The way he talked to me, he was all right.
Kingsley
Well then what are you worried about?
Amos
But he said to me. Yeah, I can tell you what I worry about. He said to me. He said, that's all right. I don't expect you to be alone just cause Ruby is out of town. And then he said to me maybe Ruby is having a date now and then. Why I feel the game.
Kingsley
Oh yeah, there you is.
Amos
That's what I worry.
Kingsley
Well what is he gonna do? Bu.
Amos
Well I gonna write Ruby a letter and ask her if she is having date. It just seems like everything goes wrong with Nancy.
Kingsley
You go write Ruby a letter, huh?
Amos
I gonna write her an answer. Imagine.
Kingsley
Well, get a pencil and a piece of paper. I'll help you write the letter.
Amos
I ain't gonna do it. You was gonna help me write that letter last night to Ruby. Papa, if I'd have sent him that letter, he'd never speak to me again.
Kingsley
Amos, do what I tell you to do. Get a pencil and a piece of paper.
Amos
I ain't gon.
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Podcast: Harold's Old Time Radio
Date: March 25, 2026
Episode Theme:
A comedic misadventure as Kingfish, Kingsley, and Amos attempt to devise a scheme to raise money for their fraternal Lodge, revealing their confusion, logic loops, and camaraderie along the way.
This episode centers on the familiar trio of Kingfish, Kingsley, and Amos as they tackle the financial troubles of the Mystic Knights of the Sea lodge. Their goal is to raise funds to improve their organization, but their convoluted strategizing leads to confusion, misunderstandings, and classic Amos & Andy humor.
Kingfish and Kingsley’s Grand Plan:
“We can make this one of the greatest lodges in the world. With me as the Kingfish and you as the wing.” (00:32)
“Me and the Kingfish, you done figured the whole thing out. All you gotta do is sit still and do what we tell you to do. We has done all the thinking already.” (01:22)
Fundraising Through Assessment:
“I ain’t got no $5 to be paid.” (01:56)
Bylaws and Bureaucratic Babble:
“Be it resolved whereof hereafter and even after that.” (02:51)
To which a confused Amos responds:
“That’s good, ain’t it? What does that mean?” (02:53)
“Just listen to the bylaw, angel. Don’t worry about that.” (02:56)
The trio debates the precise meaning and application of their assessment scheme, growing ever more confused:
“When assessment is made in the lodge... the officers of the lodge will be known as the The, and the members... as the The.” (03:02)
“Well now, the doggone that is good, but that is a mess of something going on though, Em.” (04:11)
Kingsley and Kingfish attempt various metaphors and explanations—none of which clarify things for Amos or the listener.
“You say the number will get it. One time you talk about taking away from and the next time they get it.” (05:15)
“They get it, Amos, but they don’t get it. Do you get it?” (05:22)
“Do I get it?” (05:26)
Kingsley suggests raising the assessment:
“Why don’t we set them $100?... That would scare all of the fellows in.” (06:11)
Kingfish is briefly excited but has reservations about scaring the members off:
“We could work that out a way to doctor those two brothers, or those two defense boys. But I don’t see how we’re going to do it without scaring them all.” (06:44)
They ultimately drop the idea, and the meeting adjourns with continued confusion and nothing resolved.
After Kingfish leaves (07:09), Amos confides in Kingsley about a personal concern—his relationship with Ruby:
“He said to me... maybe Ruby is having a date now and then.” (08:01)
Kingsley offers to help Amos write a letter to Ruby for reassurance, leading to some comedic back-and-forth as Amos hesitates to let his friends dictate his personal affairs:
“If I’d have sent him that letter, he’d never speak to me again.” (08:42)
Comically Overcomplicated Bylaws
Kingfish: “Be it resolved whereof hereafter and even after that.” (02:51)
Kingsley: “Just listen to the bylaw, Angel. Don’t worry about that.” (02:56)
Perfectly Summing Up the Confusion
Kingsley: “They get it, Amos, but they don’t get it. Do you get it?” (05:22)
Amos: “Do I get it?” (05:26)
On Fundraising via Fear
Kingsley: “Why don’t we set them $100?... That would scare all of the fellows in.” (06:11)
Kingfish: “But I don’t see how we’re going to do it without scaring them all.” (06:44)
On Personal Troubles
Amos: “Well, ever since Mr. Taylor passed me on the street... I’ve been worried. So I went over to see Mr. Taylor.” (07:34)
This episode masterfully showcases the slapstick logic and wordplay that made “Amos & Andy” classic radio. The attempt to raise money for the lodge devolves into a hilarious display of muddled reasoning, with the trio talking themselves in circles and never actually solving the problem. The latter segment provides a more humanizing, comedic moment as Amos shares relationship woes—offering a glimpse of the show’s heart along with its humor.
Tone:
Warm, whimsical, fast-paced comedic dialogue. The confusion and camaraderie are palpable, making the episode timelessly relatable and entertaining.