Amos & Andy - Thanksgiving Dinner

Summary

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Amos & Andy – Thanksgiving Dinner

Podcast: Harold's Old Time Radio
Episode Date: March 26, 2026
Summary by: Podcast Summarizer AI

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Overview

This classic episode of Amos & Andy ("Thanksgiving Dinner") revives a humorous and timeless dilemma centered on family, obligation, and conscience. When Kingfish rashly invites 22 of his wife's relatives to Thanksgiving dinner a year in advance, he scrambles to fulfill the promise with limited means—leading to a farcical chain of events involving a "found" turkey, persistent guilt, and a comically disastrous outcome. The episode pokes fun at holiday stress, moral choices, and friendship, all in the show's trademark style of wordplay, exaggeration, and rapid-fire banter.

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Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. The Trouble with Relatives and Thanksgiving Promises

• Setup: A year prior, Kingfish boldly promised Sapphire’s extended family a grand Thanksgiving dinner at his home ([01:41]-[02:05]).

• Realization: As the holiday approaches, Sapphire reminds Kingfish of his promise. Kingfish protests:

  “Have them 22 vultures here for Thanksgiving? I won't have them. I'll commit suicide first.”
  — George 'Kingfish' Stevens ([02:17])

• Escalation: The couple debates logistics (e.g., turkey size), exposing Kingfish’s lack of funds ([02:30]-[03:27]).

  “All I got is a dollar and a quarter.” — Kingfish ([03:27])

2. A Dubious Stroke of Luck

• The Turkey Incident: While lamenting their situation, Kingfish and Andy witness a truck lose a package, which turns out to be a fully-cooked turkey ([05:15]-[05:51]).

  “Andy, you won't believe what's in there. The hand of fear just slipped me a turkey.”
  — Kingfish ([05:25])

• Moral Quandary: Andy identifies the origin ("Thompson's Market"), but Kingfish tries to ignore or rationalize keeping it ([06:23]-[07:41]).

  “Did you ever hear the old saying, speech is silver and silence is gold? … Well, why don't you put your big mouth back on the gold standard then?”
  — Kingfish ([06:37])

3. Guilt and Nightmares

• Kingfish’s Conscience: Unable to sleep, Kingfish is visited by his own conscience, who warns him about the dangers of petty crime ([09:01]-[09:56]).

  "It's little things like taking a turkey that doesn't belong to you that lead to bigger things. This may well be your first step toward a life of crime."
  — Conscience ([09:30])

• Shorty’s Story: Kingfish seeks advice from Shorty, who recounts how his own father’s petty shoplifting escalated comically until he gave himself up ([13:26]-[14:24]).

• Nightmare Sequence: Kingfish dreams of being apprehended for turkey theft, rapidly convicted, and sentenced to the electric chair by a jury of turkeys—with Andy as the warden ([15:33]-[18:24]).

  “You have been duly convicted by a jury of 12 turkeys. … You will be put to death in the electric chair. Tickets now on sale at the box office.”
  — Sapphire as the Judge ([16:55])

4. Attempts to Make Things Right

• Seeking Guidance: Kingfish consults Calhoun, who jokes about what to do with a turkey:

  “Set the oven at 470 degrees and baste it every hour.”
  — Calhoun ([21:56])

• Main Solution: Calhoun advises paying back the market; Kingfish tries to get $15 from Andy by inviting him to Thanksgiving dinner ([22:11]-[25:18]).

  “When you start slapping me on the back, sooner or later your hand always slips down to my wallet.”
  — Andy ([25:18])

• Plan Fails: Andy only has $2, so Kingfish tells him to just deliver the turkey and leave ([26:11]-[26:23]).

5. The Turkey’s True Nature

• Confrontation: When Andy delivers the turkey, he reveals it is fake—a plastic market window display! ([28:37]-[29:11]).

  “This ain't no real turkey. This is one of them plastic jobs the market decorates the window with.”
  — Andy ([28:43])

• Irony: All the buildup, guilt, and drama was for nothing; Kingfish is left empty-handed, and the Thanksgiving feast is a bust.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

| Timestamp | Quote / Event | Speaker | |-----------|-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|---------------| | 02:17 | “Have them 22 vultures here for Thanksgiving? I won't have them. I'll commit suicide first.” | Kingfish | | 05:25 | “Andy, you won't believe what's in there. The hand of fear just slipped me a turkey.” | Kingfish | | 06:37 | “Did you ever hear the old saying, speech is silver and silence is gold?...” | Kingfish | | 09:30 | “It's little things like taking a turkey...that may well be your first step toward a life of crime.” | Conscience | | 13:51 | “That's the way it is in life. People, the little things beat up the bigger things. Just look what happened to my father.” | Shorty | | 16:55 | “You have been duly convicted by a jury of 12 turkeys. … You will be put to death in the electric chair. Tickets now on sale at the box office.” | Sapphire (Judge) | | 25:18 | “When you start slapping me on the back, sooner or later your hand always slips down to my wallet.” | Andy | | 28:43 | “This ain't no real turkey. This is one of them plastic jobs the market decorates the window with” | Andy |

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Noteworthy Segments (Timestamps)

• Kingfish’s Thanksgiving Promise: [01:41]-[02:05]
• Confrontation with Reality (Turkey Shortage): [03:00]-[03:27]
• The Found Turkey: [05:15]-[05:51]
• Kingfish's Moral Struggle: [08:16]-[09:56]
• Nightmare Courtroom Sequence: [15:33]-[18:24]
• Calhoun's Comedic Resonance: [21:04]-[22:49]
• Kingfish Tries to Get Money from Andy: [24:25]-[25:18]
• The Reveal: The Turkey is Fake: [28:37]-[29:11]

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Podcast’s Signature Tone

The episode is filled with witty wordplay, puns, and the over-the-top comedic flair that characterized Amos & Andy. Much is made of Kingfish's weaseling, Andy’s deadpan, and the bombastic airing of grievances around the holiday table. The show leverages the tropes of family holiday pressure, guilt, and urban absurdity, all delivered in a brisk, joke-a-minute style.

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For New Listeners

If you haven't heard the episode, expect a rollicking ride of situational comedy that pokes fun at human weakness—particularly the humorous lengths people will go to uphold social obligations (or dodge them). The episode deftly mixes farce, puns, and gentle moralizing, with a classic punchline that deflates the whole high-stakes turkey drama in an unexpected, silly fashion.

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Transcript

[Bleacher Report Announcer / Bubba Wallace]

The Bleacher Report app is your destination for sports right now. The NBA is heating up, March Madness is here, and MLB is almost back. Every day there's a new headline, a new highlight, a new moment you've got to see for yourself. That's why I stay locked in with the Bleacher Report app. For me, it's about staying connected to my sports. I can follow the teams I care about. Get real time scores, breaking news and highlights all in one place. Download the Bleacher Report app today so you never miss a moment.

[George 'Kingfish' Stevens]

Say, Andy, did you hear that? The whistle?

[Andy Brown]

Sure do, Amos. That whistle means Rinso white Rinso bright Rinso new.

[George 'Kingfish' Stevens]

Yeah, that's right. And it means that this is Sunday and we was on the air for 1950 Rinso with Soium.

[Narrator / Announcer]

The Amos and Andy show with Ernestine, Wade Lulman, Johnny Lee, Willard Waterman, Jeff Alexander as orchestra and radio's all time favorites.

[Sapphire Stevens]

Amos and Andy.

[Narrator / Announcer]

Yes, sir, the Amos and Andy show, brought to you by Lever Brothers Company, makers of new 1950 Rinse so with Solium, the soap that gets your clothes whiter and brighter than you.

[Sapphire Stevens]

Rinse all white.

[Sapphire Stevens (alternate lines)]

Rinse all right.

[Narrator / Announcer]

Rinse all new.

[Sapphire Stevens]

Happy Little Wash Day song.

[Narrator / Announcer]

Last year, at the Thanksgiving celebration at Sapphire's mother's house, George Kingfish Stevens surprised the 22 assembled relatives by getting to his feet and making the following irrevocable statement.

[George 'Kingfish' Stevens]

Yes, folks, I telling each and every one of you sweet people that one year from today you was all invited to my house for a big Thanksgiving dinner.

[Narrator / Announcer]

Well, another year has rolled around and once again the happy Thanksgiving season is here. And this morning, when Sapphire reminded the Kingfish of his invitation, he turned to his wife and said sweetly, What?

[George 'Kingfish' Stevens]

Have them 22 vultures here for Thanksgiving? I won't have them. I'll commit suicide first.

[Sapphire Stevens (alternate lines)]

George Stevens, you done invited them here and they is coming and that's all there is to it.

[George 'Kingfish' Stevens]

Well, now listen, Sapphire, we can't feed that mob of gluttons.

[Sapphire Stevens (alternate lines)]

Gluttons? Why, at Mama's house last year they all had perfect manners.

[George 'Kingfish' Stevens]

Perfect manners, huh? Why, when that food come on, they charge for the table like Notre Dame's backfield.

[Sapphire Stevens (alternate lines)]

George, you're getting all worked up over nothing. If we get a 15 pound turkey, that'll be plenty.

[George 'Kingfish' Stevens]

Not if your mama's dad won't. 15 pound turkey is just like one hors d' oeuvre to that old local.

[Sapphire Stevens (alternate lines)]

George, you can complain all you want, but you are the one that invited my relatives. Now what you gonna do about it?

[George 'Kingfish' Stevens]

Well, maybe we can take them out to eat.

[Sapphire Stevens (alternate lines)]

Take them out to eat? Why could you take 22 people?

[George 'Kingfish' Stevens]

Well, I might be able to make reservations at the Salvation Army. I don't know.

[Sapphire Stevens (alternate lines)]

Now listen, George. We gonna have dinner here at home and you is gonna provide the dinner and that's final.

[George 'Kingfish' Stevens]

Well, now wait a minute, Sapphire.

[Sapphire Stevens (alternate lines)]

George, I want to start off the meal with a shrimp cocktail. Then salad, cranberry sauce, candied yams, mince pie, pumpkin pie and a nice turkey.

[George 'Kingfish' Stevens]

Yeah, well, you're gonna have to get a pretty late turkey. Cause all I got is a dollar and a quarter.

[Sapphire Stevens (alternate lines)]

I tell you, Joyce Stevens, this is one thing you ain't getting out of. I ain't gonna be embarrassed in front of my relatives. Now you get out of here and find some way to get us a Thanksgiving dinner. There's gonna be fireworks and not because it's the fourth of July. Do you care that you no good golfing bum? I'm going to the bedroom.

[George 'Kingfish' Stevens]

Holy smokes. Why did I have to marry a woman with a dynaflow mouth? Well, come on, Anna, let's walk on down to the lodge hall.

[Andy Brown]

Okay, King Face, you is really upset about your in laws combination.

[George 'Kingfish' Stevens]

Oh yeah, Annie. Yeah, I was really in trouble already. I got a pre motor Thanksgiving dinner by Thursday.

[Andy Brown]

Yeah, well, with all them relatives coming, I guess you ain't got no oil tourniquet.

[George 'Kingfish' Stevens]

Well, I wish they'd never started this Thanksgiving thing in the first place. If them Pilgrims had only stayed back in Siberia where they belong, we wouldn't be.

[Andy Brown]

I guess that Paula Revere as much to blame as anybody riding around town on a horse shouting the Pilgrims is coming.

[George 'Kingfish' Stevens]

Yeah, that's sort of thing all right. Then on Thanksgiving Day, the Pilgrims asked all the in laws to come in. And then they went out and shot turkeys for them. Yeah, that's where they made the mistake they had in the sense that they shot the in laws instead. That would have been a nice custom to carry on through the years.

[Andy Brown]

You know, Kingfish, if you was got to feed all them in laws.

[George 'Kingfish' Stevens]

Hey, did you see the way that truck skitted around the corner?

[Andy Brown]

Sure did.

[George 'Kingfish' Stevens]

Hey, wait a minute, Anna. Now where you going, Kingfish? A package just fell off the back of that truck. Let me get it. Yeah, go ahead, get it.

[Andy Brown]

What is it? K Fish. What you got?

[George 'Kingfish' Stevens]

Wait a minute, Andy, wait a minute. There's a little hole in the wrapping paper. Here, let me take a squint inside. Andy Handy, you won't believe what's in there. The hand of fear just slipped me a turkey.

[Andy Brown]

A turkey?

[George 'Kingfish' Stevens]

Yeah, it's all cooked and everything. All you gotta do is to heat it. Come on, Andy. Let's take it in the lodge hall here while I get my bearings here.

[Andy Brown]

Yeah, let me see the thing. Go ahead.

[George 'Kingfish' Stevens]

Peek through the little hole in the bag. Yeah, it's all done up in wax paper. Look at there.

[Andy Brown]

Oh, look at there. Boy, he is golden brown.

[George 'Kingfish' Stevens]

Come on in the large hall here and let's close the door. Well, Andy, that was a lucky break. And I can't take the turkey back. Cause the truck went by so fair that neither one of us see the name on it to tell who the thing belongs to. You see, we can't.

[Andy Brown]

It was Thompson's Market.

[George 'Kingfish' Stevens]

I say we can't. We can't. You got a Dynaflo mouth, too, ain't you?

[Andy Brown]

Listen, all I say was it was Thompson's Market.

[George 'Kingfish' Stevens]

I didn't hear a word you say. And stop hollering Thompson's Market at me. Wouldn't nobody see nothing.

[Andy Brown]

The address was 487 West 135th Street.

[George 'Kingfish' Stevens]

Listen, Andy.

[Andy Brown]

And the telephone number was Lehigh 59256.

[George 'Kingfish' Stevens]

Did you ever hear the old saying, speech is silver and silence is gold?

[Conscience]

Yeah, I hear that.

[George 'Kingfish' Stevens]

Well, why don't you put your big mouth back on the gold standard then?

[Andy Brown]

All I can tell you is what I see with my own eyes. I seed the truck.

[George 'Kingfish' Stevens]

You know what happened to you, don't you?

[Andy Brown]

What?

[George 'Kingfish' Stevens]

You done see the mirage.

[Andy Brown]

A mirage? What is that?

[George 'Kingfish' Stevens]

Well, that's a common thing, Andy. Like when you was out on the desert. You see something there that ain't there, that's all.

[Andy Brown]

Well, if it ain't there, how do you see it?

[George 'Kingfish' Stevens]

Well, binoculars.

[Andy Brown]

Yeah, I never thought of that. That's right. But it's still kind of funny that I see the truck with letters on it nearly a foot high.

[George 'Kingfish' Stevens]

Yeah, funny, all right.

[Andy Brown]

Yeah, but you say that that was a mirage that skid around that corner, huh? Sure was a big one.

[George 'Kingfish' Stevens]

There's bigger mirages than that.

[Andy Brown]

There is?

[Sapphire Stevens]

Yeah.

[George 'Kingfish' Stevens]

You take one of them steamships that cruises around the world that I hear about. It's one of them tropical islands in the Pacific. The passengers went ashore, danced with the natives, picked bananas off the trees, ate coconuts and spent two glorious weeks at the place the before they found out there was no island there at all. Yeah.

[Andy Brown]

Well, that sure make this truck mirage look like nothing.

[George 'Kingfish' Stevens]

Oh, yeah, ain't it? And now that I convinced you that you didn't see what you saw. Now, let me figure out where I gonna keep this circuit. I wonder if you would mind keeping it in your ice box and.

[Andy Brown]

Well, wait a minute here. What's the matter with that refrigerator you got Kingfish?

[George 'Kingfish' Stevens]

Well, I tell you, and I had a little difference of opinion with the electric company about two months ago and they done severed my connection. That's what they say.

[Andy Brown]

Okay, then, I'll keep it.

[Conscience]

You?

[Andy Brown]

But, King Fish, I still don't think you're doing the right thing keeping the turkey that don't belong to you. That's liable to start bothering your conscience.

[George 'Kingfish' Stevens]

Well, then I just convinced you that neither one of us know where it come from.

[Andy Brown]

Well, I know that we don't know where it come from.

[George 'Kingfish' Stevens]

Yeah? Well, then what did you expect me to do?

[Andy Brown]

Why don't you take it back to Thompson's Mirage on 135th floor?

[George 'Kingfish' Stevens]

Oh, me? It's three o' clock in the morning and I ain't had a wink of sleep yet. I don't know why I can't sleep. All my problems are solved. I got that turkey and everything. Why can't I sleep?

[Conscience]

I'll tell you why you can't sleep, George.

[George 'Kingfish' Stevens]

Who does?

[Conscience]

It's me, George, your conscience.

[George 'Kingfish' Stevens]

Conscience? What are you bothering me for now?

[Andy Brown]

It's that turkey, George.

[Conscience]

You know it doesn't belong to you. It belongs to Thompson's Market. And mark my words, if you insist on keeping that turkey, you'll never be able to enjoy it.

[George 'Kingfish' Stevens]

I won't be able to enjoy that turkey? Conscience, you ain't got as much sense as I thought you had.

[Conscience]

And another thing, George. It's little things like taking a turkey that doesn't belong to you that lead to bigger things. This may well be your first step toward a life of crime.

[George 'Kingfish' Stevens]

Yeah, but you don't understand conscience. On one side, there might be a life of crime, but on the other side, I'd have to fe 22 of my wife's relatives without no turkey. They give Joan Arc a better deal than that.

[Conscience]

All right, all right, George, have it your way. But remember what I said about starting a life of crime. One of these days you'll find yourself in a big, big gray building with bars on it.

[George 'Kingfish' Stevens]

You mean they'll put me in a. Yes.

[Andy Brown]

And it won't be a mirage either.

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[Bleacher Report Announcer / Bubba Wallace]

The Bleacher Report app is your destination for sports right now. The NBA is heating up. March Madness is here, and MLB is almost back. Every day there's a new headline, a new highlight, a new moment you've got to see for yourself. That's why I stay locked in with the Bleacher Report app. For me, it's about staying connected to my sports. I can follow the teams I care about, get real time scores, breaking news and highlights all in one place. Download the Bleacher Report app today so you never miss a moment.

[George 'Kingfish' Stevens]

Oh, no.

[Sapphire Stevens]

Happy little wash day song Or a

[Sapphire Stevens (alternate lines)]

wash that's wider and brighter than you. Rinse the washes Rinse o new, Rinse

[Sapphire Stevens]

o whiter than new Rinse o bright brighter than new Rinse o white Rinse

[Narrator / Announcer]

o bright Rinse o new, rinse all new. It's an amazing fact. 1950 Rinso with Solium gets white clothes whiter, washable colors brighter than new Rinso New Even on rainy days, Rinso puts sunshine in your wash. No other soap can make your wash so white, so bright. Because no other soap contains the scientific sunlight ingredient Solium. 1950 Rinso gets out more dirt. Yes, gets out more dirt than any other type of wash day product. And yet Rinso is so safe for clothes so kind to your hands. Get Rinso today. See your wash become whiter brighter than you.

[Sapphire Stevens]

Rinse over, rinse over, Rinse on you.

[George 'Kingfish' Stevens]

Oh, me. I don't know why I feel so tired today. I guess because I didn't get no sleep last night with that conscience bothering me. Well, come in, Shorty. Greetings of the holiday season.

[Sapphire Stevens]

Yeah, Happy Easter. I mean, Merry Christmas. I mean, Happy New Year. You can't. What day is it?

[George 'Kingfish' Stevens]

Well, Thanksgiving is the one I was talking about, Shorty. And I gonna tell you something. You know, I was in a mess. About to sing, too. You see, I done something a little wrong and all last night, a voice kept nagging at me, keeping me awake and making me miserable.

[Sapphire Stevens]

You ought to put a muzzle on that sapphire.

[George 'Kingfish' Stevens]

Oh, Shorty. No, no, I tell you what. It was just. Just my conscience that was bothering me.

[Sapphire Stevens]

I Was not bothering you for.

[George 'Kingfish' Stevens]

Well, the disgusting thing is that I found a turkey and well, I didn't know what to do about it. So my conscience wants me to return the thing. You see, and the thing that really got me, Shorty, is that my conscience said to me that a little thing like taking a turkey, just taking one turkey now might lead to a life of crime. You think there's any truth to that, Shorty?

[Sapphire Stevens]

Oh, yeah. That's the way it is in life. That's the way it is in life. People, the little things beat up the bigger things. Just look what happened to my father.

[George 'Kingfish' Stevens]

Yeah, well, what happened to that?

[Sapphire Stevens]

Oh, one day, Papa. Papa, he went into a market and while the clerk wasn't looking, he took a can of sardines. And the next day he took a jar of pickles. And from there he went on to he take them Swiss cheese, liverwish, salami, smoke tongue and whole hams over there.

[George 'Kingfish' Stevens]

Smoking wolf, he took all that stuff. What finally happened to him?

[Sapphire Stevens]

Oh, well, he. He. He went to the police. He gave himself up to the det. He, he, he. He decided to come clean with. But he, he opened the delicate.

[George 'Kingfish' Stevens]

Oh, me. With that conscience bothering me half the night, I didn't get much sleep. I gonna see if I can't catch a little cat nap on the sofa here. I lay down here in the lodge hall and take a little nap. Turkey leading to a life of crime. That's the craziest thing I ever hear. I better get some sleep here and forget about that crime stuff. After all, it could never happen to me. Life a crime. Life of crime.

[Narrator / Announcer]

Calling all cars, pick up George Stevens for turkey snatching.

[Sapphire Stevens]

Calling all cars, pick up George Stevens

[Narrator / Announcer]

for jewelry store robbery.

[Sapphire Stevens]

Calling all cars, pick up George Stevens for armed bank hold up. Calling all cars, pick up George Stevens for blowing up Fort Knox. Shoot on sight.

[Narrator / Announcer]

All right, Stevens, come out of that alley. We got you covered.

[George 'Kingfish' Stevens]

I ain't coming out. You'll never take me. I won't confess. I won't confess. Where do I sign, fellas?

[Narrator / Announcer]

Gentlemen of the jury, you have reached a verdict. In the case of the State of

[George 'Kingfish' Stevens]

New York vs Mad Dog Stevens, foreman

[Narrator / Announcer]

Amos Jones, what is your verdict?

[George 'Kingfish' Stevens]

Well, we find the defendant guilty on all counts and recommend the death penalty.

[Narrator / Announcer]

Was the jury's decision unanimous?

[George 'Kingfish' Stevens]

Well, we had no disagreement. Except once there, six of us wanted to hang him and six of us wanted to burn him. Amos. Amos, you can do this to me.

[Narrator / Announcer]

The prisoner will please stand in front of the bench while the judge pronounces Sentence.

[Sapphire Stevens (alternate lines)]

George Stevens, are you ready for me to pass sentence my way?

[George 'Kingfish' Stevens]

Sapphire, the judge.

[Sapphire Stevens (alternate lines)]

You have been duly convicted by a jury of 12 turkeys. And I hereby sentence you to be taken to Thompson's market, where on January 15th at 8 o' clock in the evening, you will be put to death in the electric chair. Tickets now on sale at the box office.

[George 'Kingfish' Stevens]

Oh, no, Sapphire. Not to share, not to chair. Oh, it's you, Warden. Don't just stand there, say something to me.

[Andy Brown]

Hello,

[George 'Kingfish' Stevens]

Andy. You the warden?

[Conscience]

Yeah.

[Andy Brown]

What about it?

[George 'Kingfish' Stevens]

Andy, you gotta help me. Look, they ain't fooling. They has already slipped my pants leg. What's next, Andy? What's next?

[Andy Brown]

Well, we usual shaves the top of the prisoner's head. But you got a pretty clean job there to this.

[George 'Kingfish' Stevens]

Warden. Ain't there nothing you can do for me?

[Andy Brown]

Well, I got a little surprise for you, Mad Dog. I was gonna give you the juice at 8 o', clock, but I got you an hour's stay of execution.

[George 'Kingfish' Stevens]

Yeah, well, got some hope. What did I get to stay for?

[Andy Brown]

Well, I'm gonna watch television tonight. And I don't want the tube to go dim during Arthur Godfrey.

[George 'Kingfish' Stevens]

Oh, me, why did I ever stop? Start off by taking the turkey.

[Andy Brown]

Well, it's too late now and I gotta run along too. I gotta speak to the reporters. Who's gonna cover the thing for the papers?

[George 'Kingfish' Stevens]

Yeah, what is you gonna speak to them about?

[Andy Brown]

Oh, I'm gonna tell them to control their laughing and giggling during the festivities. All right, guards, you can bring in the prisoner's last meal.

[George 'Kingfish' Stevens]

Oh, me, My last meal. What is it, guard?

[Sapphire Stevens]

It's gonna be parking. It's gonna be time. Nice. A nice baked Virginia roast turkey with Thompson dressing.

[George 'Kingfish' Stevens]

No, no, I don't want no turkey. Take it away. Take it. Oh, what a terrible dream that was. Two minutes morning I woke up dead. Oh, me, I don't know whether to give up the turkey or face them 22 relatives. I don't know what to do.

[Andy Brown]

Hi, King Face.

[George 'Kingfish' Stevens]

Andy, you just a man I want to see. You sure is a fine pal.

[Andy Brown]

What's the matter, Kingfish?

[George 'Kingfish' Stevens]

Watching television while I sitting there burning in the electric chair. Annie, don't ever speak to me again.

[Narrator / Announcer]

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[George 'Kingfish' Stevens]

Get on into Calhoun's office here. I gotta do something about that turkey. I couldn't stand no more of them awful dreams. Hello there, Calhoun.

[Sapphire Stevens]

Be with you in a minute, King Fish.

[George 'Kingfish' Stevens]

I just dictating a letter here to my secretary.

[Sapphire Stevens]

And so, gentlemen, if you will take care of this matter referred to above, I'm sure we can come to terms which will be mutually satisfactory. Yours very truly, Algonquin J. Calhoun.

[George 'Kingfish' Stevens]

Wait a minute, Calhoun. Who is you dictating this letter to? Ain't nobody here but the two of us, Robert.

[Sapphire Stevens]

Doggone, I keep forgetting that gal quit this morning.

[George 'Kingfish' Stevens]

Calhoun, the reason I come to see you, I really in a dilemma here today.

[Sapphire Stevens]

What's it about, Kingfish?

[George 'Kingfish' Stevens]

Yeah, well, now look, I found a turkey that didn't belong to me and my conscience is telling me to take it back. So on one side I got my conscience bothering me and on the other side I got a 15 pound turkey. Now what would you do in a spot like that with a turkey?

[Sapphire Stevens]

Set the oven at 470 degrees and baste it every hour.

[George 'Kingfish' Stevens]

But you see, my conscience won't let me do it.

[Sapphire Stevens]

Well, tell me this, does you know who really owned the turkey?

[George 'Kingfish' Stevens]

Well, I guess I does if I forces myself. Thompson's Market.

[Sapphire Stevens]

Well, the only thing I can see for you to do do King Fish, is to raise the money and then pay Thompson.

[George 'Kingfish' Stevens]

Yeah, but who I gonna raise the money from? That's the problem.

[Sapphire Stevens]

Well, Andy Brown is your best friend, ain't he?

[George 'Kingfish' Stevens]

Yeah, he the best friend I got.

[Sapphire Stevens]

Well, what good is a friend if you can't jipping?

[George 'Kingfish' Stevens]

That's what I'll do. I'll figure out some way to get the money for Amanda.

[Sapphire Stevens]

Well, if I don't see you for the next few days, Kingfish, I hope you have a very happy Thanksgiving.

[George 'Kingfish' Stevens]

Yeah, thank you. Why are you eating Thanksgiving, Calhoun? Well, you see, every Thanksgiving for the

[Sapphire Stevens]

past three years, I've been Taking the turkey up to my girlfriend's house. Yeah. Boy, she really love it. She always so grateful when I bring to Tiger that she throws her arms around me and we smooch for an hour.

[George 'Kingfish' Stevens]

Boy, is that right? Yeah, but you know something? I got a faint suspicion that gal

[Sapphire Stevens]

is cheating on me.

[George 'Kingfish' Stevens]

What you mean?

[Sapphire Stevens]

I looked in the ice box last night.

[Narrator / Announcer]

And?

[Sapphire Stevens]

And there was 18 taken.

[George 'Kingfish' Stevens]

Well, I'll get an answer room here. That Santa Calhoun. What good is a friend if you can jiff him? Sound like old proverb of mine.

[Andy Brown]

Come in. Oh, hi, King Fish.

[Sapphire Stevens]

Yeah.

[George 'Kingfish' Stevens]

Well, hello there, brother. Glad to see you, Val. Glad to see you. Well, what you doing sitting down in the chair there, brother?

[Andy Brown]

Oh, I'll be with you in a minute, Jeff. You know, I've been walking around all day and I just changing my socks.

[George 'Kingfish' Stevens]

Changing your socks?

[Andy Brown]

Yeah, I'm changing the right one to the left foot and the left one to the right.

[George 'Kingfish' Stevens]

Yeah. Yeah, I guess that's good. All right. Rotating the socks a good idea. Yeah. Then the hole don't always come up on the big toe, do it? Yeah.

[Andy Brown]

What you doing? You come up here to get your turkey out of my ice box?

[George 'Kingfish' Stevens]

Not yet. And old Palma friend, I just come

[Sapphire Stevens]

up here to cheer you up.

[George 'Kingfish' Stevens]

Poor lonesome boy.

[Andy Brown]

To cheer me up?

[George 'Kingfish' Stevens]

Let me put my arm around you here.

[Sapphire Stevens]

I love you.

[Andy Brown]

I know.

[George 'Kingfish' Stevens]

You know, me and Sapphire was talking about you this morning. Talking about how sad it is that you got to spend this gay holiday season all by yourself. You know, I. I got all choked up, buddy.

[Andy Brown]

Then you did, huh?

[George 'Kingfish' Stevens]

Oh, yeah. I blubbered so much at breakfast, I cried right in my plea. Oh, yeah. My tears filled up all them little squares in my waffle I was eating. I tell you, it's a sad thing, Andy, you being all alone in this miserable room here. Yeah.

[Andy Brown]

What is you driving at, Kingfish?

[Sapphire Stevens]

Wellander, I was extenuating you invitation to

[George 'Kingfish' Stevens]

have Thanksgiving dinner with us.

[Andy Brown]

No fooling? You mean you want me to come up to your place for Thanksgiving dinner?

[George 'Kingfish' Stevens]

Yes, Ander, I inviting you into consideration of our long friendship, our lifelong superstition and small sum of $15.

[Andy Brown]

Yeah, $15. You know, kingfish, when you start slapping me on the back, sooner or later your hand always slips down to my wallet.

[George 'Kingfish' Stevens]

Wait a minute. Think of what you're getting for your money. That 15 entails you to a turkey, cranberry sauce, all the fixings, plus the love and affection of 22 genuine relatives. That's what you get.

[Andy Brown]

The love and affection of 22 relatives.

[George 'Kingfish' Stevens]

That's right. The ordeal maul all over you just like you was one of the family. Yes, not only that, Andrew, but your 15 bucks entitles you to a ringside seat for the carving too.

[Andy Brown]

Ringside seat?

[George 'Kingfish' Stevens]

That's right, Andrew. You'll be right up there with the breast in the second joint set. Not back in the bleachers with the stuffing and gravy crowd.

[Andy Brown]

I tell you, Kingfish, I'd like to get. But tell you the truth, I only got a couple of dollars to tide me over the holidays.

[George 'Kingfish' Stevens]

Only got $2?

[Andy Brown]

Yeah, that's all.

[George 'Kingfish' Stevens]

Well, you wouldn't enjoy it anyway, Andy. I tell you what. You just bring the tiger by one o' clock on Thursday, come to the back door and then be on your way.

[Andy Brown]

Yeah, but wait a minute, Kingfish. What was I gonna do for Thanksgiving? I ain't got no place to go.

[George 'Kingfish' Stevens]

Well, the best thing for you to do is drop down to the mission. You liable to run into some other penniless bum down there and the two of you can be thankful together. See you later.

[Sapphire Stevens]

Happy. Thanks.

[George 'Kingfish' Stevens]

Well, I done made an honest effort to raise the money to pay back Thompson's Market. Now, it ain't my fault that Andy didn't have no money. I'll just keep that turkey and my conscience is clear.

[Andy Brown]

George,

[George 'Kingfish' Stevens]

It's you again.

[Conscience]

Conscience, you're not doing the right thing. Take that turkey back to Thompson's Market.

[George 'Kingfish' Stevens]

Now, wait a minute now, Conscience, why do you make such a fuss about? After all, I'll be eating for you too.

[Conscience]

No, no, George. No. You've got to listen to me.

[George 'Kingfish' Stevens]

Well, now listen, I gonna do what I want to do.

[Conscience]

All right, all right, George. But mark my words, you'll never be able to enjoy that turkey. You'll never enjoy it.

[George 'Kingfish' Stevens]

What did that conscience know anyway? I was in the clear. Even if Thompson didn't miss the turkey, ain't nobody gonna find out I had it. When them 22 relatives get through with that bird, there ain't even gonna be no caucus dialecti. Well, Sapphire, I see all the relatives is in there.

[Sapphire Stevens (alternate lines)]

Oh, yeah, George, they all showed up.

[Sapphire Stevens]

All 22 of them?

[George 'Kingfish' Stevens]

Yeah, that sure is a mess of them, all right. I just walked through the living room. They all perched up there like a pack of timberwolves.

[Sapphire Stevens (alternate lines)]

What time did you say Andy be here with the turkey?

[George 'Kingfish' Stevens]

Well, I told him to be over here at 1:00'.

[Andy Brown]

Clock.

[George 'Kingfish' Stevens]

He ought to been here five minutes ago. Hey, wait a minute. That's him at the back door. Now, wait a minute, I. I'll open the door and let him in there. Oh, brother. Andy.

[Andy Brown]

Hi, King Fish. Hi.

[George 'Kingfish' Stevens]

Yeah, well, see you got the turkey there. And my conscience said that I ain't going to enjoy this thing. Now give me that turkey and you get on down to the mission before they run out of beans.

[Andy Brown]

And you know something, Kingfish? I've been thinking. The other day when you found this turkey, you say that truck it fell off was just a mirage.

[George 'Kingfish' Stevens]

That's right. And mirages is a common thing, all right.

[Andy Brown]

It certainly is. And you've got another mirage on your hands.

[George 'Kingfish' Stevens]

What you mean, Andre?

[Andy Brown]

Well, this ain't no real turkey. This is one of them plastic jobs the market decorates the window with happ.

[George 'Kingfish' Stevens]

Well, Andy, you know what's just as good as a box of Rinso for washing clothes?

[Andy Brown]

Certainly another box of Rinso.

[Narrator / Announcer]

Millions of women say there's nothing like Rinso. And today more women use Rinsoe than any other wash day Soap in the world. 1950 Rinso with Solium actually gets your white clothes whiter than you and washable colors brighter than you. Your wash is Rinso. New Rinso is great for dishes too. It makes the hardest part of dishwashing easier. Pots and pans really shine. Get the economical giant size rensor with a red sodium label.

[George 'Kingfish' Stevens]

Good night, folks.

[Andy Brown]

See you next Sunday.

[Narrator / Announcer]

Be sure to be with us next

[Sapphire Stevens]

Sunday at the same time when Lever

[Narrator / Announcer]

Brothers company, the makers of new rinse though with sodium will again present the Amos and Andy.

[Andy Brown]

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[Narrator / Announcer]

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[Andy Brown]

Get Lifebuoy right away.

[Narrator / Announcer]

Be sure and listen the Amos and Andy show at this same time next Sunday. And stay tuned for the Edgar Bergen Charlie McCarthy show which follows immediately over most of these stations.

[Sapphire Stevens]

This is cbs, the Columbia Broadcasting System.

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