Amos & Andy - The Maestro

Summary

---

Podcast Summary: Amos & Andy – The Maestro

Podcast: Harold’s Old Time Radio
Episode Date: March 26, 2026
Main Theme:
This episode of "Amos & Andy" spins a comedic tale around Andy's recent "graduation" from a piano correspondence course and his and Kingfish's ill-fated attempt to found a music school. The real fun begins when world-famous pianist Jose Iturbi guest stars, becoming an unsuspecting "student" of Andy and Kingfish’s musical misadventures, all while an upcoming charity concert sets the stage for some heartfelt and hilarious moments.

---

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Andy Graduates from a Correspondence Piano School (00:23–03:15)

• Andy shows off his impressive-looking diploma – but reveals he’s never actually touched a piano.
• Kingfish congratulates Andy and immediately proposes becoming business partners in a music school:

  "This will be the highest class school in the world. Each one of us will be a specialist. I'll learn them the white keys and you learn them the black." (Andy, 03:15)

• Humorous logic abounds as Andy justifies teaching without practical experience:

  "You don't have to be a baby to be a baby doctor. No, right. You don't have to be dead to be no undertaker." (Andy, 02:16)

2. Recruiting Students for the Piano School (03:32–06:38)

• Amos is pitched as a prospective student, with Andy and Kingfish pressuring him.
• Andy offers piano lessons at a discount, but quickly backtracks when Amos brings up an IOU.
• Classic "Amos & Andy" banter as Amos questions Andy’s qualifications.
• Amos delivers a biting line:

  "Your teaching piano playing is setting the music world back 10 years." (Amos, 06:15)

3. A Charity Concert Idea Is Born (08:31–11:03)

• Amos is offered tickets to a Carnegie Hall concert for him and his wife Ruby.
• Fred Gwendell humorously contrasts classical and jive music:

  "High class music goes in one ear and come out the other, but with the jive music, it goes in both feet and stays there." (Fred Gwendell, 09:01)

• Andy and Kingfish push their music school further but lament a lack of students.

4. An Evening at Carnegie Hall: The Maestro’s Performance (11:30–14:09)

• Amos and Ruby are awestruck by pianist Jose Iturbi’s performance:

  "Ruby, he is the best piano player I ever heard in my life." (Amos, 12:00)

• Ruby encourages Amos to invite Mr. Iturbi to play at their charity event:

  "Any man that can play music like that has a soul, and I feel sure he'd be glad to do it. And remember, you're not asking for yourself. You're just asking to help other people." (Ruby, 14:43)

5. Amos Invites Mr. Iturbi to Play at the Charity Event (15:16–16:45)

• Despite initial hesitation, Amos bravely approaches Iturbi, who kindly agrees to visit the next day to discuss:

  "If you will leave your name and address with the doorman, I will drop in and see you around 3 o'clock and we can discuss the whole matter then." (Mr. Iturbi, 16:29)

6. Still No Students: Andy and Kingfish Hold On to Hope (17:01–18:10)

• Both try (unsuccessfully) to recruit students and muse over the power and importance of their diploma.
• Kingfish displays optimism:

  "The main thing in any observatory of music is to keep the diploma neat. Oh, a diploma is everything, you know." (Kingfish, 17:41)

7. Mr. Iturbi at the Lodge: The "Pupil" Arrives (18:35–21:19)

• Iturbi arrives at Mystic Knights of the Sea Lodge to inspect the piano, graciously agreeing to play for the charity affair.
• Amos sends for Andy and Kingfish, who mistakenly assume a pupil is waiting.
• The comedic duo prepares their pitch, plotting how to convince their “student” they are real professors.

8. Comedy of Errors: Andy and Kingfish Try to Teach Mr. Iturbi Piano! (21:19–26:14)

• The two attempt to instruct Iturbi, not realizing he’s a world-renowned pianist:

  "Now this is called the piano. Now the place where all the keys is here is what we call the dashboard." (Andy, 24:25)

• Andy demonstrates "technique" and invents musical notes ("H, I, J...").
• Mr. Iturbi graciously plays along, even performing a key exercise “with his knuckles low” as instructed.
• The oblivious teachers are impressed with how quickly their "pupil" learns.

9. The Reveal: Mr. Iturbi’s Identity (26:14–26:41)

• Amos returns, amazed at the mix-up:

  "Oh, Andy, Mr. Iturbi happens to be one of the world's greatest piano players. He gets thousands and thousands of dollars for just one appearance." (Amos, 26:14)

• Mr. Iturbi good-naturedly brushes aside any embarrassment and proceeds to inspect the piano further.

10. Final Gags and Curtain (27:08–27:48)

• Mr. Iturbi asks for something to wipe grease off his trousers, and Kingfish sees “the time is right” for Andy to hand over his cherished diploma.
• Episode ends with an invitation to next week’s show.

---

Memorable Quotes & Moments

• "You don't have to be a baby to be a baby doctor. ...You don't have to be dead to be no undertaker."
  (Andy, 02:16)

• "Your teaching piano playing is setting the music world back 10 years."
  (Amos, 06:15)

• "High class music goes in one ear and come out the other, but with the jive music, it goes in both feet and stays there."
  (Fred Gwendell, 09:01)

• "Now this is called the piano. Now the place where all the keys is here is what we call the dashboard."
  (Andy, 24:25)

• "Now the main thing, Mr. Murky, is to. You gotta keep your knuckles low. We teaches the knuckle down low, sister. Now try hitting the keys and knuckles down, Mr. Derby."
  (Andy, 25:13)

• "Oh, Andy, Mr. Iturbi happens to be one of the world's greatest piano players. He gets thousands and thousands of dollars for just one appearance."
  (Amos, 26:14)

---

Important Timestamps

| Timestamp | Segment | |-----------------|-----------------------------------------------| | 00:23–03:15 | Andy shows off correspondence diploma, business idea with Kingfish | | 03:32–06:38 | Recruiting Amos, price negotiations, banter | | 09:21–11:02 | Amos gets Carnegie tickets, talks charity | | 12:00–14:43 | Amos and Ruby at Carnegie Hall, inspiration | | 15:16–16:45 | Amos invites Iturbi backstage | | 17:01–18:10 | Andy & Kingfish lament lack of pupils | | 18:35–21:19 | Mr. Iturbi arrives at the lodge, Andy & Kingfish summoned | | 21:19–26:14 | Andy & Kingfish teach (?) Mr. Iturbi piano | | 26:14–26:41 | The truth revealed – Mr. Iturbi’s fame | | 27:08–27:48 | Final joke and next week’s announcement |

---

Episode Tone & Legacy

The episode is filled with classic "Amos & Andy" humor—misunderstandings, wordplay, and the warmth of the characters’ relationships. The presence of a real-life musical luminary, Jose Iturbi, provides a delightful twist, skilfully blending comedic ignorance with respectful homage to genuine artistry. This episode underscores the show's knack for combining good-natured lampooning of ambition with a deep affection for community and culture.

For new listeners:
Even if you’re just tuning in, you’ll enjoy the timeless humor, sparkling dialogue, and the glimpse into a bygone era when radio brought America together for a good laugh.

---

Transcript

[Tyler Redick]

Tyler redick here from 2311 racing another checkered flag for the books. Time to celebrate with Chumba. Jump [e-mail]. let's Chumba. No purchase necessary BTW group void where prohibited by law. CTNCs21+ sponsored by Chumba Casino.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Good evening. The makers of the new Rinso bring you the Amos and Andy show with their guest tonight, the celebrated pianist and conductor, Mr. Jose Turbe. Today is a red letter day in the life of Andrew H. Brown. He has started on something that he believes is at last worthwhile. In fact, he has just graduated from a correspondence school for piano playing. At the moment he is in his office receiving the blessings of the Kingfish.

[Kingfish]

Put it there, brother Andy. Put it there. I want to congratulate you on graduating from the corresponding school of music.

[Andy]

Oh yeah, look at that diploma I got you with all the ribbons and sealing wax on it.

[Kingfish]

Oh yeah, that looks great.

[Andy]

Yeah, of course, you know, Kingfish, you was seeing this diploma at his worst. I'm gonna get me a frame for it. One with an open corner too, so the ribbon can hang down.

[Kingfish]

You know, I'm really proud of you, brother Andy. Put it there again. Gee, I'm glad you got it already.

[Andy]

Yes, sir. Yes.

[Kingfish]

And you know, this is all a great thing you got. You know, it must be great to know everything there is about piano playing.

[Andy]

Kingfish, I really worked hard on that course. I studied all them lessons till I knows them all by heart.

[Kingfish]

Oh, you did? Hu.

[Andy]

Yeah. Now I can hardly wait to get a piano so I can try it all out.

[Kingfish]

Excuse me. I don't want to appear full of ignorance or nothing like that, but my ear been acting funny on me lately. Here, you know, I hear anything. Did you say that you was a graduated piano player and you still ain't touched the piano?

[Andy]

Yeah. Well, what's wrong with that? After all, you don't have to be a baby to be a baby doctor. No, right. You don't have to be dead to be no undertaker.

[Kingfish]

Yeah, I guess you're right. I guess I just a little old fashioned. For some reason I still like a piano player that plays the piano.

[Andy]

Oh, listen here, that's just a waste of time. But you see, Kingfish, the reason that I done took this course is so that I can give piano lessons to other people myself.

[Kingfish]

Oh, I get it.

[Andy]

You gonna be a teacher, right? And I got a gold mine right here.

[Kingfish]

Now wait a minute. Look here now, brother. And look here. I as your pal, now how about taking me in as your partner. Now, don't forget, I knows a little about piano playing myself.

[Andy]

Yeah, well, that ain't a bad idea. All right, we'll work together.

[Kingfish]

Oh, great. Put it there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, this is going to be great.

[Andy]

Oh, yeah. This will be the highest class school in the world. Each one of us will be a specialist. I'll learn them the white keys and you learn them the black.

[Amos]

Well, frankly, boys, I just wouldn't be

[Andy]

interested in taking any piano lessons. Well, Henry, you making a big mistake. You is passing up one of the greatest things that life has got to offer. Ain't he, Kingfish?

[Kingfish]

Oh, sure you is, Henry. Wouldn't you like to be able to sit down at the piano and play Rat Rubinoff's Sympathy and D Major?

[Amos]

Well, I am sure, Kingfish, that if I did pick up the piano, it would be Mrs. Van Porter's desire as well as mine to play nothing but the classics.

[Andy]

Classics? What's that?

[Kingfish]

You know, brother, and them are the pieces that when you play them, you never know when they're over till the piano player gets up off the stool.

[Andy]

Oh, yeah, yeah. That kind of stuff, huh?

[Amos]

You see, in the circle that me

[Andy]

and my wife travels in, we all leans to Beethoven, Schubert and Bach. Yeah, Well, I is new in the business, but I guarantee you that I'll give you lessons cheaper than them fellows.

[Kingfish]

Now, don't get the idea that we is pushing you into these piano lessons. Cause we can get all the pupils we want.

[Andy]

Yeah, that's right. We just trying to do you a favor. You go out visiting a lot. Wouldn't you like to be the life of the party?

[Amos]

I sure would.

[Andy]

And you is going to be a success, Lightning. Because I can tell one thing and it's important and necessary.

[Amos]

What is that, Ms. Andrews?

[Andy]

Lightning, let me look at you. Yeah, I can see that you has got great talent.

[Amos]

I asked how much do the lessons cost?

[Kingfish]

$8 for the whole course.

[Amos]

All right, miss, and I'll start tomorrow. I tell you what. I'll pay you with that $10 IOU of yours that I was holding. And you can give me $2 change.

[Andy]

Come to think of it, Lightning, you ain't got as much talent as I thought. So what do you think of the population, Brother Crawford?

[Amos]

Andy, I do not want to take any piano lessons, particularly from you. You don't even look like a piano teacher, Brother Crawford.

[Kingfish]

Ability is never on the surface. Underneath them dirty hands of Anders is

[Andy]

a world of talent.

[Amos]

All I can say is that if I were to take piano Lessons? You two would be the last ones in the world that I would take from.

[Kingfish]

Now look here, Brother Crawford. We've been insulted enough.

[Andy]

Yeah, we can't take an awful lot more.

[Amos]

Well, don't stand there at the door then. I am not interested. The whole thing is ridiculous. Your teaching piano playing is setting the music world back 10 years.

[Kingfish]

That settles it. That is final. We'll give you one more chance.

[Amos]

I don't want another chance. Now, as I have said, I'm a very busy man.

[Andy]

Come on, Kingfish. I got an idea that brother Crawford ain't interested.

[Amos]

Well, now get out of here.

[Odoo Advertiser]

Running a business is hard enough, so why make it harder With a dozen different apps that don't talk to each other. One for sales, another for inventory, a separate one for accounting. Before you know it, you are drowning in software. Instead of growing your business, this is where Odoo comes in. Odoo is the only business software you'll ever need. It's an all in one, fully integrated platform that handles everything. CRM, accounting, inventory, E commerce, HR and more. No more app overload, no more juggling log. Just one seamless system that makes work easier. And the best part, Odoo replaces multiple expensive platforms for a fraction of the cost. It's built to grow with your business whether you are just starting out or already scaling up. Plus, it's easy to use, customizable and designed to streamline every process so you can focus on what really matters running your business. Thousands of businesses have made the switch, so why not you try Odoo for [e-mail] that's o d o o dot com.

[Andy]

Hey, it's Cole Swindell. And when I spend 200 days a

[Amos]

year rolling down the highway the bus can start to feel smaller than a guitar case. Everyone wonders how I stay chill while

[Andy]

the hours crawl by. Truth is one good luck spin on Chumba and suddenly the trip feels a whole lot shorter. Finding your space even when there isn't much to spare.

[Amos]

Need some chill? Bless Chumba.

[Tyler Redick]

No purchase necessary VGW group VOID were prohibited by law 21/ TNC supply sponsored

[Andy]

by Chumba Casino well, let's go over to see Emma.

[Kingfish]

I know he is home because he got appointment with Fred Gwendell to talk to him about our Christmas charity affair. Emos is chairman this year.

[Fred Gwendell]

I know you as chairman of the affair, Amos. And I want to tell you that my newspaper will be right behind you. Oh, by the way, Amos, is you and Ruby doing anything tonight?

[Amos]

No, we ain't, Fred.

[Fred Gwendell]

Why well, the music critic on the newspaper where I work give me a couple of tickets to a concert tonight and I can't use them. You see, I got a date with a girl and I give her her choice of taking her to Carnegie hall or to the Harlem Gyre Palace.

[Amos]

Oh, I see.

[Fred Gwendell]

And she done picked out the Jive Palace.

[Amos]

Oh, she likes that better, huh?

[Fred Gwendell]

Oh, yeah, she claims that that high class music goes in one ear and come out the other, but with the jive music, it goes in both feet and stays there.

[Amos]

Oh, so you gonna take her to the palace, huh?

[Fred Gwendell]

That's right. So you and Ruby can have these two tickets to Carnegie hall if you want them. It won't cost you nothing.

[Amos]

Oh, gee, thank you, Fred. Thank you a lot. Oh, that can't be Ruby. She's over at the Women's Auxiliary. Well, come in, Andy. How are you, King Feet?

[Kingfish]

Hello, Amos.

[Andy]

How are you?

[Kingfish]

Hello there, boy.

[Fred Gwendell]

Hello, fellas.

[Mr. Turby]

How is you?

[Andy]

Amos, I got great news for you. Look at my diploma here. Well, don't touch it, don't touch it. Get away from there.

[Amos]

Oh, you done graduated from the piano playing school correspondence to. Oh, congratulations, son.

[Fred Gwendell]

Yeah, looks like good work there, Andy. Got a diploma, huh?

[Kingfish]

Gentleman's eyes. Happy to announce that I is now associated up with Professor Brown in the Andrew Edge Observatory of Music. Piano lessons for the masses. That's our slogan.

[Amos]

Well, Andy, you mean that after just taking that short course by correspondence, you was gonna give piano lessons already?

[Andy]

Amos, I wants to give my knowledge to the world.

[Kingfish]

Maybe get a few bucks for it too. You want to take lessons, Amos? Excuse me for not asking you first, Fred, but this is Amos's house.

[Amos]

No, I don't want to take no piano lessons.

[Kingfish]

All right, Fred, now it's your turn.

[Fred Gwendell]

Me neither. Mm, mm, not me. Yeah, you fellas really gonna start a music school, huh?

[Kingfish]

Yeah, we done already started one. All set. We just got everything now except a pupil.

[Andy]

Yeah, and the trouble is, it's kind of hard to run a successful school without a pupil.

[Kingfish]

Amos, you gets around a lot. Maybe you could speak to some of the fellows. You know, you see a lot of fellows that might want to take some piano lessons from us.

[Amos]

Well, I don't know. I'll see. But I tell you, fellows, I was all excited right now.

[Andy]

About what?

[Amos]

Me and Ruby is going to Carnegie hall tonight.

[Narrator/Announcer]

We go now to Carnegie Hall. Amos and Ruby are seated in the audience. One of the world's outstanding pianists, Mr. Hosea Turbi, has just concluded the last selection before intermission. But the applause and cheers force him to do a short encore. He's returning to the piano.

[Amos]

Ruby, he is the best piano player I ever heard in my life.

[Ruby]

This is wonderful. I'll always remember this night. He's going to play again. Listen,

[Andy]

It's sam.

[Amos]

Oh, Ruby, that was wonderful, wasn't it?

[Ruby]

I like that last election best of all.

[Amos]

You know, Ruby, I was just thinking about something.

[Ruby]

What's that?

[Amos]

Oh, I don't know. I. I won't even tell you. Cause if I tell you, I know what you're going to think. You're going to say that it's too crazy.

[Ruby]

Why tell me what it is, honey?

[Amos]

Well, I was. I was just thinking. Oh, I. I kind of hate to tell you, but tell me this. Wouldn't it be wonderful if we could get, say, Mr. Turby to come up and play for our Christmas charity flare? You know, that. That really would bring the people in there. All right.

[Ruby]

Well, it's intermission.

[Amos]

Intermission?

[Ruby]

Why don't you go back to the stage door and ask him?

[Amos]

Oh, now, wait a minute. Don't make fun of me, honey. You see, I. I told you it was crazy.

[Ruby]

No, I mean it, darling.

[Amos]

Oh, no, honey, I couldn't do that.

[Ruby]

Any man that can play music like that has a soul, and I feel sure he'd be glad to do it. And remember, you're not asking for yourself. You're just asking to help other people.

[Amos]

Yeah, I know you're right, but I don't know. I.

[Ruby]

Now, Amos, go on around to the stage door and try to see.

[Amos]

You really mean it, honey?

[Ruby]

Certainly I mean it.

[Amos]

All right, honey, I will.

[Andy]

Well, I'm sorry. Mr. Turby always uses these few minutes for resting in his dressing room.

[Amos]

Yes, I just wanted to see him for a second attempt.

[Andy]

Yeah, besides that, he'll be going back on the stage very shortly now.

[Amos]

Yes, well, the only thing, mister, is it's kind of important. If I could just see him to say. Say, ain't that Mr. Turvey there now, coming out of his dressing room?

[Andy]

Yeah, that's him. Well, I'll see what I can do. Oh, Mr. Turby. Excuse me, sir. This young man here would like to speak to you for a second. Have you got the time?

[Mr. Turby]

Well, I'm about to go on the stage. What is it you want, please?

[Amos]

Yes, I know you're in a hurry, and I'll tell you as quick as I can. Mr. Mr. Turvey, we are having a charity affair up at our Large hall in Harlem before the Christmas Holidays so that we can raise some money to take care of the poor families and, well, I was just wondering if you would consider coming up there and playing for us. I know if you would, why, we could get a lot of people to come in and raise a lot of money for charity.

[Andy]

I see.

[Mr. Turby]

What is the place?

[Amos]

It's up in Harlem. It's a large hall called the Mystic Knights of the Sea.

[Mr. Turby]

Well, I'll tell you, I'm in a great hurry now, but it so happens that tomorrow I'm passing through Harlem. If you will leave your name and address with the doorman, I will drop in and see you around 3 o' clock and we can discuss the whole matter then.

[Amos]

Oh, thank you, Mr. Turvey. Thank you a lot.

[Andy]

Well, Kingfish, what have you got to repo, brother?

[Kingfish]

And I done walked my feet off again today and still no luck. I never would have believed that there are so many people in the world that didn't want to play the piano.

[Andy]

Yeah, well, I ain't had no luck neither. Not even after I put on my flowing bow tie. If that didn't prove to him that I was a piano teacher, I don't know what to do.

[Kingfish]

Yeah, I know, Andrew. I had my glasses on with the long black ribbon hanging down the side, you know, didn't mean a thing.

[Andy]

The thing that give me courage, though, Kingfish, is this diploma I got here. Ain't that pretty? Look at that ribbon on there.

[Kingfish]

Yeah, you ought to get that frame right away before that ribbon gets dirty and throws a frazzle load on you there. You know, Andy, the main thing in any observatory of music is to keep the diploma neat. Oh, a diploma is everything, you know.

[Andy]

Oh, sure. Maybe I ought to get it insured.

[Kingfish]

Now, don't let's get down in the dumps. You know, I feel in my bones that this thing is going to be a success. Come on, Andy, let's go over to the large hall in the room that we is going to use for teaching and kind of fix it up. Bring your diploma with you.

[Andy]

Yeah, that sure would make a good room for a studio, all right. I hope the members will let us use it.

[Kingfish]

Yeah, and I know just where we'll put the piano to learn the pupils on.

[Andy]

If we get the piano, if we gets the pupil, if we get the room, we show load of good ifs, ain't we?

[Amos]

Mr. Turby, it sure is nice of you to say that you'll play for our Christmas charity fair. We all sure will appreciate it.

[Mr. Turby]

I will be only too happy to do it.

[Amos]

Oh, gee, that's nice. It sure must be wonderful to be able to play a piano like you can, Mr. Turvy. By the way, this is the piano right here that we are going to use for the affair. Maybe you better sit down there a second, if you don't mind, and see if it's in tune and everything. You can adjust the stool.

[Mr. Turby]

All right. All right, my friend, I'll try.

[Amos]

How is it, Mr. Turby?

[Mr. Turby]

The piano is all right. The stool needs a little tuning.

[Amos]

Yeah, well, I'll get that fixed. Mr. Turby, I'd like to have you meet a couple of our lodge members before you go. I know they'd like to meet you. Excuse me just a second, will you? Lightning. Lightning, come here right away.

[Mr. Turby]

Quick.

[Amos]

Come here right away. Did you want me for something else? Amblin, go down the hall there and tell the Kingfish and Andy there in the second room and tell them that Mr. Turby, the piano soloist is here for them to come right over. Yeah, sir. All right, sir, I'll tell him. Ms. Amos told me to tell him that Mr. Somebody was in there with a piano.

[Andy]

Yeah. This room ought to make us a great studio. What you want, lightning?

[Amos]

Excuse me, Ms. Andy, but Mr. Amos wants y' all to come across the hall and meet some fellow that's interested in piano playing.

[Andy]

Kingfish, Amos has got us a pupil.

[Kingfish]

Oh, brother Anderson, we ought to soak him double for the honor of being our first pupil.

[Andy]

Oh, sure. I'm gonna have to charge him about a dollar and a half. Cause maybe I ought to give Amos 25 cents for getting this.

[Kingfish]

Don't forget to bring a diploma, Andy.

[Andy]

No, no, I don't want nothing to happen to that thing. Let's handle this diploma with care. Yeah.

[Kingfish]

Now, look, there's a certain time that you pull the diploma out. You see, there's what they call a psychological minute there to do it.

[Andy]

Yeah. Let me know when the flash is on it.

[Kingfish]

Yeah, I'll tell you when. I'll say to you, now is the time. Come on.

[Andy]

Here's my flow and bow on tight. Straight there. Kingpiece. Yeah.

[Kingfish]

Now, now, now, you look great. Now remember, Andy, you. You. We got to do a selling job when we get in there.

[Andy]

Yeah.

[Kingfish]

We'll tell the man that if he pays attention to us and study it hard, someday he might be as good as Fats Waller.

[Amos]

Come in, fellas. Mr. Turby, this is Mr. Brown and the Kingfish, Mr. Stevens.

[Andy]

How do you do? Glad to know you.

[Kingfish]

Oh, yeah. Us Professors are pleased to meet you.

[Amos]

I wanted you to have the pleasure of meeting the greatest piano player in the world.

[Andy]

Oh, Amos, there's a lot of other piano players just as good as I is.

[Amos]

No, no, you don't understand. Andy who?

[Andy]

Don't listen, amos.

[Amos]

Excuse me, Ms. Amos, there's a phone call out here. You better take it. Thank you. Lightning. Excuse me, Mr. Turvy.

[Kingfish]

Tell us this. Mr. Herbert.

[Mr. Turby]

Just a minute. E. Turvy.

[Amos]

Eat turvy.

[Kingfish]

I mean, Mr. Turbin. How did you happen to come up here?

[Mr. Turby]

Well, you see, I. I came to New York to go into Carnegie Hall.

[Kingfish]

Oh, that's enough, that's enough. Yeah, you done made a smart move and decided to switch over to us. As you know, Mr. Wemby, Them long haired fellows down there don't know nothing about teaching the piano or the hair gets in the eyes. They can't see the notes.

[Andy]

Yeah, half of them is playing in the cracks. You see, Mr. Turkey, You see, the first rule that we got in our school is that all of us professors has got to keep their hair cut short.

[Mr. Turby]

Pardon me. Am I to understand that you are going to give me piano lessons?

[Kingfish]

Oh, yes sir, Mr. Turmoil Yasu. We can give you the beginners or

[Mr. Turby]

the advance, but I have been playing

[Amos]

the piano for certain years.

[Andy]

Yeah, well, don't get undiscouraged. You'll get the knack of it all of a sudden, you know.

[Kingfish]

Oh, yeah, we had them worse than you.

[Amos]

Now,

[Kingfish]

about the money. We has got several courses. We has got the $8 course that learn you in six. So we got the deluxe $10 course that will learn you in a month.

[Mr. Turby]

Well, I think I better take your quickest course because I'm playing with the New York Philharmonic Orchestra tomorrow night.

[Andy]

Oh, well, in that case I better take off my coat and get busy right away. Yeah. Now, now, coach, you know what a beautiful instrument the piano is?

[Mr. Turby]

Yes, I do. It is the instrument of the immortals.

[Andy]

That's right. And they got to learn to play it same as anybody else.

[Kingfish]

Here is the instrument right over here. Step this way, Mr. Jerky.

[Andy]

Now this is called the piano. Now the place where all the keys is here is what we call the dashboard.

[Mr. Turby]

Oh, I see, I see.

[Andy]

Now sit down on the stool here. Now, the idea is to hit these keys right smack on the nose like this. Now that note there, that's, that's a white one. That's in your department.

[Kingfish]

Oh, Professor Brown is going to tell you that that note is C. Yes,

[Mr. Turby]

that's C, D, E, F, G. Then

[Andy]

it goes right on H, I, J,

[Amos]

K, L, M. Thank you.

[Andy]

Thank you very much. Thank you. Now the main thing, Mr. Murky, is to. You gotta keep your knuckles low. We teaches the knuckle down low, sister. Now try hitting the keys and knuckles down, Mr. Derby. You mean.

[Amos]

You mean like this?

[Andy]

You see that kingfish? He learned it already.

[Kingfish]

Well, that does go to show you my that it appears to come to the best teachers.

[Andy]

Oh yeah. You is a lucky man, you know that?

[Amos]

That phone call was for you, Mr. Turbo. They want you to come down for a rehearsal at the New York Philharmonic.

[Andy]

Well, why didn't you tell him? He was busy taking a piano lesson.

[Amos]

You ain't trying to give Mr. Turvy piano lessons, is Andy?

[Andy]

You think you're going to be too dumb to learn?

[Amos]

Oh, Andy, Mr. Kirby happens to be one of the world's greatest piano players. He gets thousands and thousands of dollars for just one appearance. Why, he is one of the highest paid, most famous concert artists in the world.

[Andy]

He is, huh?

[Amos]

Oh yes. Mr. Turby is going to play for our charity concert. And to tell you the truth, why, I was. I was even ashamed I asked him if he would use this old piano here.

[Mr. Turby]

Oh, that's all right, my friend. I'm sure this piano will work out. Let me, let me try it once more. Look. Look at this. There was some oil or grease on the piano stool. Do you have something I can use to wipe it off my trousers?

[Kingfish]

Yowza. We sure do, Brother Andy. Now is the time.

[Andy]

Hand the man your diploma, Sam.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Be sure to join us next Friday evening at this same time when the makers of the new Rinso will again present the Amos and Andy show. At that time, Amos and Andy will have as their guest the fine star of Pictures and stage, Mr. Walter Houston. Meantime, this is Harlow Wilcox speaking for all of us thanking Hosea Turby for appearing with Amos and Andy tonight and bidding you all a very pleasant good night.

[Andy]

This is the National Broadcasting Company.

[Q Care Plus Advertiser]

It's the original HBIC here. If you are out here living your life, being fabulous, being booked, being busy, being the hbic, you need to be taking care of yourself. That's why I love Q Care Plus. Doxy pep, baby. It's fast, it's easy, it's online and it comes straight to you. And now they even offer easy and hair loss treatment with a prep prescription. Get into Q Care plus and stay ready.

[Tyler Redick]

Tyler Redicure from 2311 Racing another checkered flag for the books. Time to celebrate with Chumba jump [e-mail] let's chompa no purchase necessary. BTW Group void where prohibited by law. CTNCs 21/plus sponsored by Chumba Casino.