Amos & Andy - Two Different People

Summary

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Podcast Summary: Harold's Old Time Radio

Episode: Amos & Andy – Two Different People
Air Date: March 25, 2026
Host: Harold’s Old Time Radio
Featured Show: Amos & Andy

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Overview

This episode features a classic “Amos & Andy” radio show titled "Two Different People." The story revolves around a vacation cottage in disrepair, double-rented by mistake to both Andy and another man, Mr. Jackson, leading to a comic chaos involving misunderstandings, attempts at deception, and a final, farcical scam to scare one tenant away. The episode is filled with era-typical humor, slapstick, and the lively dynamic between the characters, set against the backdrop of 1950s radio advertising and domestic life.

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Key Discussion Points & Plot Highlights

1. The Cottage Crisis

• [02:09-03:13]
  • Kingfish returns from inspecting the family’s cottage in the country. He humorously describes severe flood damage:

    “When I got there, the coast guard was draining out the cabin. They had a bilge pump down the chimney.” – Kingfish (02:14)

  • The family discusses renting out the place to recoup some money.

2. The Scheme to Rent the Cottage

• [03:31-07:18]
  • Kingfish hatches a plan to convince Andy to rent the ramshackle cottage, describing it with exaggerated charm:

    “Situated right between Disappointment Knowles and Gutted Glen. Beautiful spot there.” – Kingfish (03:45)

  • Andy is shown around the damaged cottage, with Kingfish offering increasingly absurd explanations for its condition:

    Andy: “If the water don’t rise around here, how come the house is up in the air on six foot pylons?”
    Kingfish: “Ventilation, Andy. Under the house they got what you call a breezeway.” (05:07)

  • Despite obvious signs of disrepair (Andy falls through the porch), Kingfish manages to talk Andy into renting it for $200.

3. The Double-Booking Blunder

• [08:05-08:46]
  • While Kingfish is bragging about renting the cottage to Andy, Sapphire announces she already rented it to Mr. Jackson for $100.
  • Both tenants plan to move in the same night, setting up the mix-up.

4. The Bedroom Encounter

• [10:27-12:27]
  • Andy, stumbling around the dark cottage, unknowingly shares a bed with Mr. Jackson; confusion leads to a panic:

    Andy: “Holy smoke. I must be tighter than I thought I was. From here it looks like I got three feet...There seems to be something here on the next pillar...I know I ain’t got two heads. Oh, me, I must be so tired of having hallucinations. Well, I’m gonna make the final test. I’m gonna reach down here and pinch my foot.”
    Algonquin Jack Calhoun (as Jackson): “Ouch.” (12:22)
    Andy: “I pinched my foot and the other head said ouch!” (12:24)

  • Both men flee in terror, believing the cottage to be haunted.

5. The Aftermath & Another Kingfish Scheme

• [13:15-16:31]
  • Andy realizes Kingfish double-rented the place:

    Andy: “Holy mackerel, Amos, he’s done it again.” (13:36)

  • Kingfish enlists Algonquin Jack Calhoun’s help to scare Mr. Jackson away by suggesting the woods are full of wild animals.

6. The Fake Mountain Lion and Gun Scare

• [20:42-24:16]
  • Andy is recruited to make mountain lion noises outside the cottage while Kingfish warns Jackson about wildlife, hoping to scare him off.
  • Mr. Jackson, unfazed but nervous after the previous night's “intruder,” has armed himself:

    “After that little episode with that prowler last night, I went into town and bought myself a gun.” – Mr. Jackson (23:40)

  • Kingfish and Andy’s plan backfires as Jackson prepares to use his gun, nearly shooting Andy, whom he mistakes for a mountain lion.

7. The Resolution

• [25:26-26:57]
  • Mr. Jackson decides to leave, demanding his money back (“I ain’t giving you your money back!” – Kingfish, 24:50), but Kingfish still wins out.
  • Sapphire insists she won’t spend the family vacation in the cottage due to flooding and her mother's lumbago, despite Kingfish’s optimistic assurances.

    Sapphire: “You know what dampness will do to Mama's Lumbago. And if anything happens to spoil this vacation, I'll never forgive you the rest of my life.” (26:09)

8. The Final Gag & CBS Columbia TV Promotions

• [27:23-28:48]
  • Back in the city, Andy thinks he’s invented a new way to tune a TV, only for Kingfish to point out that CBS Columbia already has "sweep tuning."
  • The show closes with playful banter and another tongue-in-cheek plug for CBS Columbia products, reflecting the era's sponsorship style.

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Notable Quotes & Comic Moments

• On the Cottage’s Condition:

  "In the city, the air is 1 part hydrogen and 2 parts carbon peroxide. There's only one way that you can get pure air than this, Andy. And I don't think you want to spend your vacation in no oxygen tent, do you?" – Kingfish (04:24)

• Explaining the House’s Design:

  Andy: "How you get five rooms out of this place?"
  Kingfish: "Well, like all summer places, Andy, you just draw the curtain..." (06:27)

• The Double-Bed Scare:

  "I pinched my foot and the other head said, ouch!" – Andy (12:24)

• Political Humor:

  "I is for clean government. We must wash our hands of vice and corruption..." – Algonquin Jack Calhoun (14:47)
  "Did you get many votes?"
  "No, but I sure sold a lot of soap." – Calhoun (15:14)

• Roller Coaster Routine:

  "When it goes down that first dip, I screams out loud. By the time it hits the bottom, I is blubbering like a baby...But I got a free pass." – Algonquin Jack Calhoun (16:45/17:22)

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Important Timestamps

• 03:45 – Kingfish's comedic "sales pitch" for the cottage’s beautiful (if bleak) location.
• 05:07 – Explanation about why the cottage is up on pylons (ventilation, not flooding!).
• 10:27-12:27 – The night-time mixup in the bedroom; iconic slapstick.
• 13:36 – Andy realizes Kingfish’s “double dip.”
• 16:09-17:22 – Soapbox political humor and Calhoun’s roller-coaster anecdote.
• 20:42-24:16 – The “mountain lion scare” prank, nearly ending in disaster.
• 27:23-28:48 – The TV sweep tuning gag and commercial conclusion.

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Episode Tone & Style

The episode is delivered in a lively, exaggerated 1950s radio comedy style—featuring wordplay, broad slapstick, recurring in-jokes, and direct address to the audience for commercials. The interplay between Kingfish and Andy drives the humor, with Sapphire and Calhoun providing colorful support.

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Memorable Closing

Kingfish:

“Well, folks, we'd like to say goodnight for our sponsors, CBS Columbia, manufacturers of America's most advanced radio and television receipts.” (28:59)
Andy:
“See you next Sunday.” (29:06)

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For First-Time Listeners

This episode is an excellent slice of classic radio comedy. It showcases the formulaic but effective storytelling of “Amos & Andy,” with misunderstandings, jabs, and ads woven into a single, lively world. The script’s rhythm, the punchy banter, and the comedic timing still resonate, even as it lampoons the anxieties of vacationing, consumer goods, and “getting something for nothing.”

Recommended for fans of vintage radio, classic American humor, or anyone curious about the golden age of broadcast comedy!

Transcript

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[Andy]

Man oh man, that's sharp and clear. That's the absolute finest television set I ever did see.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Well now wait a minute. How you know that's such a fine television set? Andy, you ain't even got the thing turned on.

[Andy]

Don't need to turn this set on to know it's Amos. Just got. Look at the nameplate. See what it says? Cbs.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Oh, cbs. Yeah, that makes the greatest sight unseen. Oh, cbs.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Cbs. Columbia, makers of America's most advanced radio and television receivers. Present Transcribe the Amos and Andy show. Written by Joe Connelly and Bob Mosher. Featuring Amanda Randolph, Ernestine Wade, Johnny Lee, Amos Reese, Gus Bayes, Lud Gluskin's music, yours truly, Harlow Wilkart. And starring radio's all time favorites Freeman Gosden and Charles Carell. Amos and. The Kingfish and his wife Sapphire and her mother planned on spending a month's vacation in mama's cottage up in the country. The Kingfish has just been up to look the place over after the winter and has just returned with bad news.

[Algonquin Jack Calhoun]

What's this you say, George?

[Sapphire]

They had a flood up where our cabin is?

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Flood? I'll say there was. When I got there, the coast guard was draining out the cabin. They had a bilge pump down the chimney.

[Algonquin Jack Calhoun]

Oh, my sweet little cottage in the curtains. Years ago I spent my honeymoon up there.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Yeah, well, unless you was a romantic, barracuda ain't exactly ideal honeymoon spot no more.

[Sapphire]

Now George, stop this fooling. Is there any danceness in the house?

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Well, there was a little in the living room.

[Algonquin Jack Calhoun]

A little? How much?

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

About 10ft. But de water done receded.

[Sapphire]

Well, is the floors dried out now?

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

That's hard to tell, honey. You see, when the flood receded, it receded the floor with it. That's what happened.

[Sapphire]

Well, we ain't got the money to fix it up. I guess we'll just have to give up any thought of a vacation right now.

[Algonquin Jack Calhoun]

You know, maybe we could rent it out to somebody.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Oh, don't be silly. Only a boob would want a place like that.

[Algonquin Jack Calhoun]

Then you shouldn't have no trouble. Takes one to know one mile's right.

[Sapphire]

George. You know, the thing we ought to do is put an abnormal newspaper. Come on, Mama. We'll go in and call them up.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Trying to rent that flooded cottage. This ain't gonna be easy. It would take a fish to live up there. A fish? Hey, wait a minute, sir. I think I know who's just the big, fat, pooped out porpoise to occupy that Aquari. Just keep walking, Andy. The cottage is just over this next knoll down in the little valley. Lovely location, Andy. Situated right between Disappointment Knowles and Gutted Glen. Beautiful spot there.

[Andy]

Well, listen, Kingfish, I don't know why I should be taking a vacation this time of the year.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Oh, look, Andy, I worry about you. You spend the whole winter down here in the city breathing this obnoxious air.

[Andy]

Well, you mean the air up here is better?

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Oh, certainly it is, Andy. In the city, the air is 1 part hydrogen and 2 parts carbon peroxide. There's only one way that you can get pure air than this, Andy. And I don't think you want to spend your vacation in no oxygen tent, do you?

[Andy]

Well, maybe you was right, Kingfish. But tell me something. Is the water in the lake down there been rising lately?

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Rising? Or what make you say that?

[Andy]

Well, it sure looks to me like there was a flood up here.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Well, now, here we is, Andrew, right here. Here we is, boy.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Look at there.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

There is your dream cottage.

[Andy]

Yeah, I want to. Wait a minute, Kingfish. If the water don't rise around here, how come the house is up in the air on six foot pylons?

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Ventilation, Andy. Under the hose they got what you call a breezeway. Now, come on, Andy, let's climb the steps here and take a look at your beautiful mansion, boy.

[Andy]

Yeah. Well, okay.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Yeah. Now, follow me across the porch, Andy. Watch the loose, boys there. Here, Andy, I tell you when you move in. Say, Andy, that's funny. You was here a minute ago. Andy. Andy, where is you?

[Andy]

I was down here in the breezeway. Kingfish,

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

this ain't no time to play games. Come on out of there. Yeah, give me your hand. Here, stand on that rock down there.

[Andy]

Come on.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Come on. Up, up, up.

[Narrator/Announcer]

All right, all right.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

There you.

[Andy]

Holy mackerel, Kingfish. I went right through the porch.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Well, like any place, the boys need a little tightening up, you know. Come on, let's go in the door here. The door needs A little tightening too, don't it? Just step over the thing, Danny. Just leave it down the floor. Now, here we are, look. The living room over there, Andy. See there? Nice new floors were put in you.

[Andy]

Well, listen, Kingfish, this is all just one big room. How you get five rooms out of this place?

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Well, like all summer places, Andy, you just draw the curtain. Now, you see, you draw as a curtain like this. And there you is. On this side of the curtain you got a bedroom. And on the other side you got a nice 8 by 4 living room.

[Andy]

That don't give me much of a living room. Suppose I want to have a big housewarming party. I got about 30 or 40 friends I'd like to have up. How's I going to entertain them all in that little bitty living room?

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Well, you can stagger the guests you like to do at the airport. Have them circle around outside till you was ready for them to come in and make a landing at the punch bowl. That's it.

[Andy]

Yeah. Well, all right. Tell me something. What is this curtain here?

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Well, if you're having a dinner party, Andy, you just pull this across like this, you see, and there's your dining room.

[Andy]

But I don't know about this place, Kingfish, with the curtains and everything.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Now, look, Andy, I admit the thing needs a little fixing up. But you can have the place for the whole summer for just 200 bucks. What do you say, boy?

[Andy]

Well, that ain't bad. Oh, great bargain there. Okay, it's a deal, Kingfish. I'll take it.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Fine. And now let's go back to the city and we'll sign the iron bound contract there. You go ahead, Anna, and we'll follow you on the Porsche.

[George Stevens (possibly alternate or related speaker)]

All right.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Behind you.

[Andy]

Yeah, okay, let's go. Say, Kingfish, I was gonna tell. I. Well, that's funny. I thought the kingfisher was following me. Hey, Kingfish. Kingfish, where is you?

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Down here, Andy. Just drop down to inspect the breeze.

[Algonquin Jack Calhoun]

Wait.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Oh, me, what a break. I'm just glad I got that cottage rented. The ender. Let me get in department here and tell Sapphire. Sapphire Home got some good news for you.

[Sapphire]

Well, I got wonderful news for you today, George. We got an answer to our ad and I rented the cottage today to a Mr. Walter Jackson for $100. He's moving in there tonight.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Honey, wait a minute. This the other mess. I done rented the cottage to Andy and he moving in there late tonight.

[Sapphire]

Oh, you ain't, George.

[Algonquin Jack Calhoun]

Oh, that's awful.

[Sapphire]

Mr. Jackson is a very nervous man. He said as soon as he got there, he was gonna go right to bed. Oh, I wonder what'll happen.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Well, I don't know, but I got an idea. There's gonna be more screaming and yelling up there than the time that Grandma was slapping the hogs and fell into the pig. Hello there.

[Freeman Gosden (Narrator/Announcer)]

This is Freeman Gosden. Tonight's Amos and Andy show is a little special because it marks the start of our second six months of sponsorship by CBS Columbia. And this is a good time to tell you about something my partner Charles Correll and I have talked about a number of times. And it is this. It's really a pleasure to be selling a top notch product like CBS television sets. The CBS Columbia people build a truly fine television receiver. And we just come right out and tell you so without any ifs, ands or buts. It makes us feel good to know that when you go down to your dealers and see the fine picture on a CBS set, when you hear the 360 full fidelity sound, and when you try CBS sweep tuning, you'll discover what we have said about CBS television sets is not exaggerated at all. These CBS sets are exceptional sets, and each one represents solid value. Of course, there's a mighty good reason for it. CBS Columbia is the set manufacturing division of the Columbia Broadcasting System, the greatest name in home entertainment.

[Andy]

Oh, me, it sure is dark in this cottage. Well, I got my night shirt on here in the washing area. Too bad I fell down that breezeway and busted my kerosene lamp. Let me feel my way across the living room here. Kingfish must have pulled all the curtains. Now, here he is. Here he is. Here's the bed. Yeah, let me sit down on the edge of it. Oh, me, is I tired. Yeah, I was really exhausted. How you like that? I really must be tired. I ain't asleep, but I snoring already. Well, let me lay down. Pull the covers up around me here. Uh oh, this is one of them short beds. My feets are sticking out of the bottom. Yeah, there he is. There's my foot with the corn plaster on it. There's my foot with the busted toe. And there's my foot with the sock on it. Holy smoke. I must be tighter than I thought I was. From here it looks like I got three feet. I wonder what done. I'm snoring again and I ain't asleep. Hey, wait a minute. There seems to be something here on the next pillar. Oh, there's something wrong here. Cause I know I ain't got two heads. Oh, me, I must be so tired. Of having hallucinations. Well, I'm gonna make the final test. I'm gonna reach down here and pinch my foot with the sock on it there.

[Algonquin Jack Calhoun]

Ouch.

[George Stevens (possibly alternate or related speaker)]

Holy mackerel.

[Andy]

I pinched my foot and the other head said, ouch.

[George Stevens (possibly alternate or related speaker)]

I'm getting out of here.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Wait a minute. Who's here in this room?

[Andy]

Ain't nobody here, mister.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

You is all alone. Wait a minute.

[Algonquin Jack Calhoun]

Stop. Stop.

[Andy]

Out of my way.

[George Stevens (possibly alternate or related speaker)]

Help.

[Andy]

Let me out of. Yeah, Amos. And that's the whole story. Yeah.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

That was a terrible thing, Andy, finding another man in your bed.

[Andy]

Oh, yeah, it was a mess, Amos. He run out the back way and I run out the front way.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Yeah. Well, how did you get that bump on your head, Andy?

[Andy]

Oh, well, that. On the way out, I slipped on a dead fish and landed in the breezeway again.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

You say that you ain't got no idea who this man was you found in bed?

[Andy]

No. When the Kingfish rented me the place, he didn't say nothing about no other

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

man I'm beginning to see here. You rented the players from the Kingfish, huh?

[Andy]

Yeah.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Did you ever stop to think that the Kingfish might have rented this place to one other fella?

[Andy]

Well, now, why would the Kingfish want to do that? After all, in the past, we has always been buddies. I mean, he never tried to gyp me to. I mean, he ain't never tried to pull. No. I mean, holy mackerel, Amos, he's done it again.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

You know, if I was you, I'd get hold of that King face right away and straighten this nonsense out and.

[Andy]

Yeah, I'm gonna call him up right away. Say, by the way, Amos, could any of your kids use a turtle? I found this in the pocket of my nighty when I got out of the breezew.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Now, take it easy. And there ain't no sense in hollering me on the telephone. Yeah, well, the whole thing was a mistake. No, you can't have your money back. I'll work the thing. I'll just Give me time, Andy. Well, I know. All right, all right. I'll call you back later. Goodbye. Oh, me, What a mess. I rent the place to Andy and Sapphire rents it to Mr. Jackson. One of them has got to go.

[Andy]

I.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Well, if it ain't Algonquin Jack Calhoun.

[Algonquin Jack Calhoun]

Hiya, King Fish.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Come on in here. What brings you over here, Algonquin?

[Algonquin Jack Calhoun]

Oh, I was over making a political speech in the park.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Oh, making a political speech. Oh, making a speech, huh?

[Algonquin Jack Calhoun]

I'll say I climbed up on my soapbox and made the greatest Speech of my career. I stood on that soapbox and I said, ladies and gentlemen, I is for clean government. We must wash our hands of vice and corruption. The time has come to scrub away the stigma of bribery. To bathe ourselves in democracy and freedom.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Yeah, well, did you get many votes?

[Algonquin Jack Calhoun]

No, but I sure sold a lot of soap.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Well, I got a different vibe on my gunky. Look here. I rented a vacation cottage up in the Catskill Mountains to Andy and my wife, then rented it to a Mr. Jackson. And last night they both discovered each other up there in the place at the same time.

[George Stevens (possibly alternate or related speaker)]

Uh oh, that's a nasty business, Kingfish.

[Algonquin Jack Calhoun]

A nasty business. Somebody got to go.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Well, now, I tell you what I want to do. I want Kee Band up there. Cause he paying me $200. Yeah, he's a $200 man. But I want to unrent it from Jackson. Cause he only paying me a hundred dollars. You see, the idea that he paying me halfway. Yeah, yeah.

[Algonquin Jack Calhoun]

Well, the thing to do is to scare this fella Jackson out of there.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Scare him or scare him?

[Algonquin Jack Calhoun]

Yeah, you know, that's pretty wild country up there in the Catskills. And you could make him think it's too dangerous to live up there. Tell him that there's some wild animals

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

or something in the woods. Oh, that's a great idea, Calhoun. Yeah, yeah, tell him the animals. Yeah, I'll tell Andy the truth about this and get him to go up there and help me scare this fellow Jackson up.

[Algonquin Jack Calhoun]

Yeah, yeah.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Well, when it comes to your vacation, I hope you don't have no trouble like this, Calhoun. Oh, I ain't gonna have no trouble.

[Algonquin Jack Calhoun]

I does the same things every summer. Well, every Sunday I goes out to Coney island and rides the biggest roller coaster they got.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Yeah, well, don't you get scared on that roller coaster, Calum?

[Algonquin Jack Calhoun]

Scared, Kingfish. When it goes down that first dip,

[Sapphire]

I screams out loud.

[Algonquin Jack Calhoun]

By the time it hits the bottom, I is blubbering like a baby. When the ride is over, it takes two minutes to get me out the car. Oh, King Victor has a wife. Whimpering, blubbering mess. I have to spend three days in bed before I was well enough to go back and ride that thing again on the next Sunday.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Holy smoke, Calhoun. If the roller co to make you that sick, why do you keep going on it?

[Algonquin Jack Calhoun]

I got a free pass.

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[Sapphire]

Well, Mr. Jackson, it was nice of you to phone me. And I'm awfully sorry to hear you had all this trouble.

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[Algonquin Jack Calhoun]

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[George Stevens (possibly alternate or related speaker)]

Yes, Mrs. Stevens, I'm phoning you from the hardware store in the village near the cottage. After what happened last night, I came down here to the hardware store and bought myself a gun.

[Sapphire]

Well, I'm sure when My husband gets there tonight.

[Algonquin Jack Calhoun]

He.

[Sapphire]

He'll straighten the whole thing out.

[Andy]

Sure is dark up here. Dismay l tonight, ain't it, Kingfish?

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Well, now, Andy, here's the cottage. Now, listen to this. I going in and talk to Mrs. Jackson like I told you I was going to do. Now, you know what you going to do to help me scare him away?

[Andy]

Yeah, sure. I'm going to hide in the bushes and pull this string with the rosin on it through this big tin can. Like this.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Yeah. Good, Andy.

[George Stevens (possibly alternate or related speaker)]

Good.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Now, that really sound like a mountain lion, all right.

[Andy]

Yeah.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Oh, that really oughta skin. Now, get over in the bushes there. And when I gets in the cottage and I there for about two, three minutes.

[Andy]

Yeah.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

You make a noise like a mountain lion. Yeah.

[Andy]

Well, say, tell me something. You sure we doing the right thing here, Kingfish? Couldn't backfire nothing, could it?

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Oh, of course not, Andrew.

[Andy]

Yeah. Well, I hope this string and can don't make no noise like a female mountain lion. Cause if a male mountain lion heard a thing and come around, I sure hate to see his expression when he found out it was just a tin can.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Well, never mind that. And I tell you what. You get on over there in the woods and I go in there and talk to Mr. Jackson.

[Andy]

Yeah, okay. Yeah, I'll be going over there. I'll see you.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Jackson got his lights turned on. He must be in. All right. I better knock on Tobias here. I don't want to go go through that breezeway again. I shouldn't have too much trouble with this fellow.

[George Stevens (possibly alternate or related speaker)]

Yes? Yes, what is it?

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Don't be alarmed, Ms. Jackson. I ain't no wild beast from out of the woods. I was only your landlord.

[George Stevens (possibly alternate or related speaker)]

Oh, you must be Mr. Stevens. Won't you come in?

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Just dropped in to see if you was comfortable up here in this lonely, desolate spot.

[George Stevens (possibly alternate or related speaker)]

Well, I was telling your wife I had quite an experience last night. Woke up in the middle of the night and there was this man in my bed.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

You don't mean to tell me. Well, you got a break anyway. At least you wasn't sharing the covers with a coyote or something like that.

[George Stevens (possibly alternate or related speaker)]

It was a frightening experience.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Well, just being such a wild part of the woods, almost anything could happen, you see.

[Andy]

Yeah.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

I tell you.

[George Stevens (possibly alternate or related speaker)]

Good heavens.

[Algonquin Jack Calhoun]

What was that?

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

That? Oh, that was just one of them men eating ferocious mountain lions. Sounds like he's pretty hungry tonight, don't he?

[George Stevens (possibly alternate or related speaker)]

You mean there are mountain lions up here?

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Oh, yeah. Yeah, the woods is full of them. I rented a place last year to a man and woman with eight kids. And he took my advice and he counted them every morning before breakfast. The second week, he started coming up shy. Of course, I reduced to rent as the season wore on. You see. Sound like you're ready for a blue plate dinner tonight, don't it?

[George Stevens (possibly alternate or related speaker)]

Well, I'm certainly glad I'm prepared for something like this.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Prepared?

[George Stevens (possibly alternate or related speaker)]

Yes. After that little episode with that prowler last night, I went into town and bought myself a gun.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Yeah, well, I'm glad you. You say about a gun?

[George Stevens (possibly alternate or related speaker)]

Yeah.30 caliber with a telescopic sight. I'll go and get it.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

I'll fix that mountain. Yeah, well, while you going, I'll go out on the porch and see if I can scare the mountain lion away. Mountain lion? Mountain lion.

[Algonquin Jack Calhoun]

Shut up your fool and lessons.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Mountain. There's a man coming out your a gun.

[Algonquin Jack Calhoun]

Petty caliber?

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Remington. Beat it, mountain lion. Beat it.

[Algonquin Jack Calhoun]

I got my gun.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Well, it's too late, Mr. Jackson. He done going off in the woods.

[Algonquin Jack Calhoun]

Wait a minute. I see it between the trees. Maybe I can get a shot.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Oh, you missed him. Something wrong, mister?

[George Stevens (possibly alternate or related speaker)]

Well, I know I'm nervous, but I could have sworn that mountain lion had

[Algonquin Jack Calhoun]

on a dirty

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

steven. I don't know what's going on here,

[George Stevens (possibly alternate or related speaker)]

but I'm moving out. I want my money back.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Well, I sorry myself. You can move out if you want to, but I ain't giving you your money back.

[George Stevens (possibly alternate or related speaker)]

Look, are you trying to jip me here?

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

No, I can't help it if you scared. Move it out on your own violation. You can't get no money back from me.

[George Stevens (possibly alternate or related speaker)]

Ha ha ha.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

What was that?

[George Stevens (possibly alternate or related speaker)]

I was just cocking the gun here.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

That was a hundred dollars even, wasn't it?

[Sapphire]

George Stevens, I ain't gonna spend my vacation up there in Dismal Dell, and that's that.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Yeah, but we got her, honey. Mr. Jackson done moved out. And after the shooting. And they won't have no party to play it. He demanded his money back.

[Sapphire]

Well, I ain't going to no place that's liable to be flooded.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Now, look south by look here, a couple of days of sunshine and the place will be as dry as toast. The rainy season's over, I guarantee you that. Ain't gonna rain no more.

[Sapphire]

Well, all right, George.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Oh, good. I guarantee you.

[Sapphire]

Yeah, but I hope you're right. Cause we ain't got no money to go no place else. Guess we'll just have to make the best of that cottage. But let me warn you, George. You know what dampness will do to Mama's Lumbago. And if anything happens to spoil this vacation, I'll never forgive you the rest of my life.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Well, good morning, Sapphire darling. Your mama's still sleeping behind the other curtain there, so I brung your breakfast in to you. How'd you sleep your first night at good old Dismal Dell?

[Sapphire]

George, I was just looking out the window here. It's raining.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Oh, no, honey. Just a little slight spring drizzle we call it.

[Sapphire]

Now look, George Stevens, you don't think there's gonna be another flood, do you?

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

No, no, honey. You read in the newspaper the flood season is over. Oh, we is a good mile from the lake. And anyway, the house is on six foot piling. No water can come in here this time of year.

[Sapphire]

Well, all right, George. Oh, say, you forgot the coffee.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Yeah, I was waiting for the milk. I'll go out on the porch and see if it's come in here. Yeah, it's. Holy mackerel, Sapphire. Look what's floating in the front door.

[Freeman Gosden (Narrator/Announcer)]

Hey, Andy, what is you doing to

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

that poor old TV set?

[Freeman Gosden (Narrator/Announcer)]

Trying to wreck it?

[Andy]

No, sir, I as unwecking it. I is creating the greatest contribution ever made to the ancient art of tuning in a TV set.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Yeah, well, that's nice, Andy. Tell me about it.

[Andy]

Well, you know the nuisance y way you always had a tune a TV set, all them twiddly little dials with the squinty little numbers, all that bending down and reaching around. Yeah, boy, that's gone with my new system. The channel numbers is big and easy reading and they are spread out clean across the front of the set. And under the numbers there's just this one handy little knob. Then when you wants to switch from channel four to channel two, you just whoosh that knob across and there you is.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Ah, where is that?

[Andy]

You is locked in tune for good. That's where you is.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Well, Annie, there's just one thing about

[Freeman Gosden (Narrator/Announcer)]

this invention of yours.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

It's already been invented by the CBS Columbia people.

[Freeman Gosden (Narrator/Announcer)]

They calls it sweep tuning.

[Andy]

You mean to say that CBS Columbia has done beat me to the draw? They already got this quickest, handiest station selector ever invented.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

They sure has. That's the sweep tuning everybody's been talking about.

[Freeman Gosden (Narrator/Announcer)]

What's more, you can get sweep tuning in a 21 inch CBS TV set for only $149.95. Hey, where you going there, Andy?

[Andy]

Gotta get to Medilla before he's sold out of them CBS sweep tuning sets.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Yeah, wait a minute. Here, take your old set along with you.

[Freeman Gosden (Narrator/Announcer)]

Get yourself a real nice trade in.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Well folks, we'd like to say goodnight for our sponsors, CBS Columbia, manufacturers of America's most advanced radio and television receipts.

[Freeman Gosden (Narrator/Announcer)]

It thank you and good night.

[Andy]

See you next Sunday.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Be sure to be with us at this same time next Sunday for the Amos and Andy Show. Transcribed and directed by Cliff Howell. Tonight's program was brought to you by CBS Columbia, manufacturers of Full Fidelity television receivers. And for a real treat in TV entertainment, tune in Life with Father presented every week by CBS Columbia over the CBS Television Network. See your paper for time and station

[Andy]

now.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Stay tuned for our Ms. Brooks which follows immediately over most of these same radio stations.

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