Amos & Andy - (Unknown Tittle)

Summary

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Podcast Summary: "Amos & Andy – (Unknown Title)"

Podcast: Harold’s Old Time Radio
Episode Date: March 26, 2026

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Episode Overview

This episode of Amos & Andy hilariously centers on Andy’s perpetual struggle with money, leading him and his friends into a comical caper: they attempt to win a $500 baby photo contest for children under three years old—despite not having a qualifying child of their own. The crew’s various misadventures, attempts at trickery, and quick-witted banter unfold as they try to outsmart the contest and satisfy Andy’s irate landlady.

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Key Discussion Points & Storyline Breakdown

1. Andy’s Money Troubles and the Rent Dilemma

[02:20–05:30]

• Andy is unable to pay his rent and fears eviction by his stern landlady, Ms. McDaniel (Hattie).
• Comedic exchange: Andy tries flattering Ms. McDaniel to buy time, while Amos and Kingfish (George Stevens) suggest reporting her to the OPA for excessive nagging.

Notable Quotes:

• Ms. McDaniel: "It don't take much to make some people happy." (04:22)
• Andy: "Oh, you is the most beautiful woman I done ever seen... Pretty. Oh, you really beautiful. Ain't nobody ever told you that before?" (04:48)
• Ms. McDaniel: "Just the rumors that don't pay." (05:00)

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2. Scheme for Quick Cash: The Baby Photo Contest

[05:30–08:10]

• Amos learns of a local contest: $500 for the most beautiful child’s photo (children under three only).
• Initial idea: Enter Amos’s daughter—rejected because she’s too old.
• Kingfish and Amos hatch a plan to "borrow" a baby photo from Shorty the Barber’s shop.

Notable Quotes:

• Andy: "What I need is a big chunk of money, so I ain’t gonna have to worry for a while." (05:39)

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3. Sneaking the Photo from Shorty the Barber

[08:10–12:19]

• Kingfish and Amos distract Shorty with a fake facial massage so Andy can steal the photo.
• Shorty’s own eccentric sleep remedies are revealed.

Memorable Banter:

• Shorty, on sleeping upside down: "All my blood could reach to my head and then put me to sleep. But it didn’t work out, though." (09:16)
• Andy: "Not enough sleep, not enough blood." (09:25)

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4. Sending the Photo and Awaiting Results

[14:22–15:27]

• Andy and Kingfish submit the photo and anxiously wait for the prize.
• They joke about the sentimental value of the baby photo.

Comic Exchange:

• Amos: "When I look at the picture of that sweet, innocent little baby, it just made me wish for one of my own. Oh, fatherhood." (14:40)
• Andy: "Well, I hear that a short time after you was born, your father went around demanding his cigars back." (15:01)

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5. The Catch: Parents Must Appear in Person

[15:27–18:22]

• The contest rules state the parents are required to claim the prize in person.
• Enter Gabby Gibson, their fast-talking lawyer, who comes up with a loophole: get Andy’s landlady to pose as the baby’s mother.

Gabby’s Wisecracks:

• "You is no longer what is known as ipso facto." (17:27)
• "You is now… Oopso Creek, Oopso." (17:34)

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6. Recruiting the Landlady as 'Mother'

[18:22–20:22]

• Andy awkwardly flirts and persuades Ms. McDaniel to pose as his wife for the contest—bribing her with the promise of overdue rent money.
• Ms. McDaniel is pragmatic, agreeing for the sake of recovering her rent.

Memorable Exchange:

• Ms. McDaniel: "With the shortage of men around here, I can’t afford to hate nothing that wears pants. Sit down on the sofa." (19:09)
• Andy: “Would you be the mother of my baby? I mean…the mother of our baby.” (19:44)
• Ms. McDaniel: "If you got any sweet nothing to say to me, don't whisper em. Bark em right out!" (18:55)

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7. The Big Reveal/Contest Finale

[22:32–25:42]

• Andy and Ms. McDaniel (posing as Mrs. Brown) present themselves at the camera supply company.
• Their inability to keep their story and child’s details straight swiftly arouses suspicion.
• The company president requests to see the baby in person before awarding the prize.

Comic Back-and-Forth:

• Amos: “Little girl makes great children, all right, yeah, yeah, yeah.” (23:34)
• Andy: “...the father of my little sunny boy. Sonny boy. Sonny boy.”
• Hanover Smith: “Why, Mrs. Brown here just told me the baby was a girl.” (24:01)
• Andy: “Oh, yeah, yeah. Sunny girl, Sunny girl.” (24:04)

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8. The Final Twist at Shorty’s Barbershop

[26:06–27:23]

• Desperate, Amos and Andy try to borrow the actual baby from Shorty—only to learn the photo is of Shorty himself as a baby, from 40 years ago.
• The scheme collapses, and Andy’s original problem (unpaid rent) remains.

Notable Quote:

• Shorty: "That there’s a picture of ME… 40 years ago." (27:04)

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Notable Quotes & Laugh-Out-Loud Moments

"This is the first time I done ever heard of a child contributing to the delinquency of an adult."
— Amos (26:17)

"In that case, gentlemen, I'll be running along."
— Andy, after learning parent appearance is required (15:52)

"He never could count."
— Ms. McDaniel, covering for Andy’s slip on the number of children (24:34)

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Important Timestamps & Segments

• Rent trouble and landlord gags: [02:20–05:30]
• Hatching the baby contest scheme: [05:30–08:10]
• Distracting Shorty & stealing the photo: [08:10–12:19]
• Results and the requirement for in-person verification: [14:22–15:27], [15:27–18:22]
• Recruiting Ms. McDaniel: [18:22–20:22]
• Contest office shenanigans: [22:32–25:42]
• The final twist at the barbershop: [26:06–27:23]

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Episode Tone & Style

• Lighthearted, classic vaudeville and sitcom humor.
• Exuberant, quick-witted exchanges laced with friendly ribbing, one-liners, and situational farce.

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Summary

This Amos & Andy episode is a prime example of the vaudeville rooted, sitcom-style storytelling that made it a Golden Age classic. Andy’s harebrained scheme to win a baby photo contest goes awry at every turn—the most audacious being recruiting his landlady to pose as his wife in an effort to claim prize money for a photo that turns out to be Barbershop Shorty himself! The signature blend of wordplay, running gags, and comic improvisation make this a standout in the series’ catalogue.

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For fans of vintage radio, situational humor, and quickfire repartee, this episode captures all the joy and mischief of "Amos & Andy" at its best.

Transcript

[Liberty Mutual Spokesperson]

And Doug, there's nowhere I wouldn't go to help someone customize and save on car insurance with Liberty Mutual. Even if it means sitting front row at a comedy show.

[Announcer/Commentator]

Hey, everyone, check out this guy and his bird. What is this, your first date?

[Narrator]

Oh, no.

[Liberty Mutual Couple / Chumba Casino Spokesperson]

We help people customize and save on car insurance with Liberty Mutual together. We're married. Me to a human, him to a bird.

[Announcer/Commentator]

Yeah, the bird looks out of your league anyways.

[Liberty Mutual Couple / Chumba Casino Spokesperson]

Only pay for what you [e-mail] Liberty.

[Announcer/Commentator]

Liberty. Liberty. Liberty.

[Emma]

Andy, did you hear that?

[Amos]

Come on, will you?

[Andy (Kingfish)]

Did I hear what?

[Emma]

That whistle. That's the Rinso White whistle.

[Andy (Kingfish)]

And Rinso means us.

[Narrator]

That's right. Rinso gets clothes Rinso White. And Rinso presents the Amos and Andy show with Shorty the Barber, Gabby the Lawyer, the Mystic Knights of the Sea quartet and Hattie McD. Rinso for a wash, that's Rinso White Rinso for a wash, that's Rinso White Rinso Safe, soapy, rich suds get out stubborn dirt fast. So as little as a five minute run in your washer gets all your whitewash dazzling. Rinso white Gaily colored washables come out Rinso bright. No wonder Rinso is the only soap recommended by the makers of 33 leading washers. Among them your treasured Kenmore. Remember though, there'll be no new Kenmore washers made for some time. So see your local Sears store for any service needs on your Kenmore. And next wash day, Remember, Sprint so pipe.

[Amos]

Sprint so pipe.

[Mystic Knights of the Sea Quartet Member]

Happy little wash day Prong.

[Narrator]

And now our stars, Amos and. And. Well, Andy's broke again. I say broke. He's demolished. To make matters worse, a few days ago he rented a room and has discovered that his landlady is a most unreasonable person. She insists on the rent being paid. At the moment, Andy is just about to enter his room to show it to the Kingfish.

[Andy (Kingfish)]

Come in, Kingfish. Come in.

[Amos]

Hello there, Andy. Say, you know, I see your new room, Mavo.

[Andy (Kingfish)]

Yeah, well, take a look around. What'd you think of it?

[Amos]

The walls cracked, the plaster falling off there, floorboards up, windows broke. General Patton ain't detoured through here by any chance, is it?

[Andy (Kingfish)]

You don't like it, huh?

[Amos]

Well, Emma, can't you talk to the landlady and get her to fix up the place a little bit?

[Andy (Kingfish)]

Look, Kingfish, I ain't gonna talk to that landlady about nothing. She's talking to me too often. As Tizzy and only about one thing, the rent.

[Amos]

Now, wait a minute. We can report her to the OPA for that. The OPA show the OPA Why, there must be a ceiling on. How many times she can ask you for your rent. I don't think she can ask you no more for the rent and more times than she did in 1942.

[Andy (Kingfish)]

Well, I don't know about that. I've been stalling her off every day and she says she ain't gonna stand for it no more. I still ain't got no money, but I might have to soft soap her a little.

[Amos]

Yeah.

[Andy (Kingfish)]

Oh, me. There she is now. Come in. Oh, hello, Ms. McDaniel. Nice of you to drop in. Something you want to recus with me?

[Ms. McDaniel (Landlady/Hattie)]

Yeah, and it ain't the weather.

[Andy (Kingfish)]

Oh, must be about Durant, huh? Well, I got a little surprise for you. I'm going to pay you the room rent.

[Ms. McDaniel (Landlady/Hattie)]

Oh, you is? Well, I certainly will appreciate it, Mr. Brown, if I has been a little cross with you, you must excuse me.

[Andy (Kingfish)]

Yeah, well, there's just one thing about it I gotta explain to you.

[Ms. McDaniel (Landlady/Hattie)]

That's all, brother. Get out. Get out.

[Amos]

We're the miniature. We?

[Andy (Kingfish)]

We.

[Amos]

We. Just a miniature, Madam. You can't throw my good friend out of this place. I saw her. But you just can't do it. Who is you, madam? Permit me to introduce myself. I as happy to say that I is George Kingfish Stevens.

[Ms. McDaniel (Landlady/Hattie)]

It don't take much to make some people happy.

[Amos]

Wait a minute, Sheri. Now, you can't talk to me that way. I ain't no ordinary riff raff, you know.

[Ms. McDaniel (Landlady/Hattie)]

You ain't? What kind of riff raff is you?

[Andy (Kingfish)]

Listen, Ms. McDaniel.

[Ms. McDaniel (Landlady/Hattie)]

Listen nothing. I come here to get my rent and that's what I want. Now, I've been waiting a week and.

[Andy (Kingfish)]

Hold it, hold it, hold it, Ms. McDaniel. Hold it just a second. Just hold your face the way you got it there. Yeah.

[Amos]

Don't move.

[Andy (Kingfish)]

Don't move. Oh, you is the most beautiful woman I done ever seen. Pretty. Oh, you really beautiful. Ain't nobody ever told you that before?

[Ms. McDaniel (Landlady/Hattie)]

Just the rumors that don't pay.

[Amos]

Miltha Brown's right. You is beautiful.

[Ms. McDaniel (Landlady/Hattie)]

Listen, I got an idea you two is just trying to talk me out of the rent here. I want my money.

[Andy (Kingfish)]

We back to that again, huh?

[Ms. McDaniel (Landlady/Hattie)]

Look, I'm gonna give you just one more week to get that rent money out you go, and that's final.

[Andy (Kingfish)]

Oh, I tell you, Amos, if I don't get some money, gonna come my way fast. I'm gonna be kicked out of my room, you know.

[Emma]

Yeah, well, that ain't the nicest thing that could happen to you.

[Andy (Kingfish)]

And what I need is a big chunk of money, so I ain't gonna have to worry for a while.

[Emma]

You know, fellas, I thought that I was gonna get a lot of money there one time. $500.

[Amos]

Wait a minute. What you mean, Emma?

[Emma]

Well, a camera supply company down the street that's running a contest. The contest is the one that sends in the picture of the most beautiful child in Harlem. Gets $500 prize.

[Andy (Kingfish)]

Well, why didn't you send in your little girl Arbadella's picture? She's a beautiful child, all right.

[Emma]

Yeah, well, that was my idea. But then I found out that the contest was only for children that's under three years old. You see, Arbadella is seven and she's a big gal.

[Amos]

Yeah, well, who knows she's seven. Tell them that she's going to be three next month. Just happens. She just happens to be crazy about vitamins, that's all.

[Emma]

I wouldn't do that, Kingfish. I could get in trouble. And besides, she's very even for seven tall.

[Andy (Kingfish)]

That don't matter, Amos. He just happened to be a tall child, that's all. Was a tall baby. Well, I seen a man once in a circus that was nine feet tall. Must have been over six feet tall when he was born.

[Amos]

Yeah, the thing is, t. Looking out the window there, there's a customer out there trying to get in your cab.

[Emma]

Oh, yeah? Well, I'll see you fellas later. So long.

[Andy (Kingfish)]

So long. So long. You know, Kingfisher's. Too bad we can't get into that pitcher contest. He must. Talking about them pictures has got me thinking. All I think about now is pitchers and mo. Pitchers. Wish I had 15 cents, I'd go to movies.

[Amos]

Now, wait a minute, Ender. Wait a minute here. I got an idea.

[Andy (Kingfish)]

Yeah?

[Amos]

Say, you know that picture of a baby that Shorty has got hanging up in his barbershop?

[Andy (Kingfish)]

Oh, yeah, Yeah. I think it's his nephew or something. Yeah.

[Amos]

Well, now, wait a minute. Look here. There is a beautiful baby. Every time I go in there, I look at it.

[Andy (Kingfish)]

Yeah.

[Amos]

If we sent that picture in, we'd win the $500 like nothing.

[Andy (Kingfish)]

Oh, you got something there, Kingfish. Yeah. Wait a minute. But how is we gonna get the picture with Shorty right there in the barbershop?

[Amos]

Wait a minute. That'll be easy. And wait a minute. Now, look here. We'll just convince Shorty that he look, run down. And instead of just giving everybody else fierce massages, it's about time that he had one hisself. Then when we gets the hot towel over his face and eyes, you grabs the picture.

[Andy (Kingfish)]

Well, now, wait. In case you don't remember, he got that picture in a frame nailed to the wall.

[Amos]

Well, take a hammer and a screwdriver along with you. That's all it is to it. Come on, Andy. Well, hello there, Shorty. Good to see you again.

[Andy (Kingfish)]

Yeah, hi, Shorty.

[Shorty the Barber]

Oh, hi, fellas. How is you?

[Amos]

Y. Well, we just fine, daughter. We just fine. Too bad you ain't looking so good. You seems to be on your last legs.

[Shorty the Barber]

Now, listen, my insurance company just checked me up yesterday for a new policy.

[Andy (Kingfish)]

Yeah? What'd they say?

[Shorty the Barber]

They say that I was the most perfect condition they ever did. I was one of the best specimens of manhood. That I got the most iron constitution I could look to be. A hundred turned me down.

[Amos]

Well, you really look bad. All right, Shorty, your face is all drawn and thin there.

[Andy (Kingfish)]

Yeah, that's right, Shorty. Even the bags under your eyes don't look as healthy as they used to.

[Shorty the Barber]

Well, there got cause where when I go to bed at night, I can't sleep.

[Andy (Kingfish)]

Can't sleep? Is you doing anything for it, Shorty?

[Shorty the Barber]

Well, once I tried sleeping with my feet higher than my head so that all my blood could reach to my head and then put me to sleep. But it didn't work out, though.

[Andy (Kingfish)]

Not enough sleep, not enough blood.

[Amos]

Shorty, there's only one thing that can unlatch a man as tired as you is, and that's a face massage with a hot towel. And me and Andy is going to give you one.

[Shorty the Barber]

Oh, you don't know how. It takes skill and experience. For example, don't you know how to judge the heat of a hot towel?

[Andy (Kingfish)]

Well, how did you do it?

[Shorty the Barber]

Well, when I give a customer a facial, I first picks up the hot towel. And then if it's too hot to hold in my hand. Yeah, I drops it on his face.

[Amos]

Yeah, I guess that's the best way. All right, now. Okay, Short, and I'll tell you what. Come on, just hop in a chair there and I'll show you what I mean.

[Andy (Kingfish)]

Now get up there.

[Shorty the Barber]

Well, I don't know. I would.

[Ms. McDaniel (Landlady/Hattie)]

Over.

[Amos]

Yeah. Oh, that's fine now. Now let me lay you down here. Now just lean your head back there. That's it. Now get a towel here and some hot water here. Now, this towel is just about right.

[Shorty the Barber]

Just slap it on my Face.

[Hanover Smith (Camera Company President)]

Yeah.

[Amos]

Now let me get the towel right over your eyes there. Ah, that do the trick. Now, just cover up your eyes there. Now, I'll leave your mouth uncovered so you can breathe. Dodie. Oh, do baby mine. Now is the time. Oh, baby mine.

[Andy (Kingfish)]

I got you, King.

[Shorty the Barber]

What's Andy doing?

[Amos]

Andy? My brother Andy. He's just sitting over there at your manicure table, manicuring his nails a little.

[Shorty the Barber]

Sure got tough nails, ain't it?

[Amos]

Oh, yeah, yeah. File ain't no good on his nails. Can't use a file. You really gotta smack him, that fella tough nails. All. That cuticle too.

[Andy (Kingfish)]

Okay, Kingfish. Okay. I'll see you fellas later. So long.

[Amos]

So long, brother Andy, old pal. So long. Well, Shorty, now take the towel off. Here. The face massage is over.

[Shorty the Barber]

Is that all there is to it?

[Amos]

Oh, yeah. It's the technique more than anything else. Here, take this looking glass.

[Shorty the Barber]

Yeah, give it here.

[Amos]

Now tell me the truth. Don't your face look a lot better?

[Shorty the Barber]

Oh, yeah, my face look a lot better. My skin has the smoothest texture. My skin ain't got removed them wrinkles. My skin is just like a baby. My skin is so smooth true and face.

[Narrator]

The mystic knights of the sea. Quartet singing the Little White Horse and the mare

[Mystic Knights of the Sea Quartet Member]

Romeo and Juliet Were quite a famous pair According to the books of history.

[Amos]

And here's another great romance.

[Andy (Kingfish)]

You'll see it at the fair on exhibition.

[Mystic Knights of the Sea Quartet Member]

Anyone can see the little white horse on the merry go round. Fell in love with the little gray mare. He's been tagging her round at the bell. Now the little white horse on the merry go round. Popped the question to the little gray mare. Ask her if she'd marry him on the merry go round. At the fair the calliope played the wedding march. All the animals began to sing old the zebra winked at the tall giraffe as the mare took the little brass ring. Now the little white horse and the little gray mare still honeymoon round and round. You'll always see them at the fair, Father. Merry go round wouldn't go around without the little. The white horse and the mare. The calliope plains the wedding march. All the animals began to sing. The zebra winked at the tall giraffe as the mare took the little brass ring. Now the little white horse and the little gray mare still honeymoon round and round. You'll always see them at the fair. While the merry go round wouldn't go around. The musical ride would all break down. And a little brass ring wouldn't be

[Amos]

a thing thing without the little white

[Mystic Knights of the Sea Quartet Member]

horse and the mayor. Without the little white horse and the mayor.

[Amos]

Well, Henry, me and Ann had done sending the baby picture to the contest more than a week ago, and we ought to be getting the $500 prize money any day.

[Andy (Kingfish)]

Yes, I see.

[Hanover Smith (Camera Company President)]

You feels that the infant is charming

[Andy (Kingfish)]

enough to grab the first prize, huh?

[Amos]

Oh, we can't miss. What a baby. Well, when I look at the picture of that sweet, innocent little baby, it just made me wish for one of my own. Oh, fatherhood.

[Andy (Kingfish)]

Fatherhood.

[Amos]

What could be more maternal?

[Andy (Kingfish)]

Yes, yes. Well, babies are something to be proud of, all right.

[Amos]

Oh, you said something there, Henry. I know my folks was proud of me when I was.

[Andy (Kingfish)]

Well, I'm not too sure about that, Kingfish. Not if what I done hear it is correct.

[Amos]

Oh, what's that?

[Andy (Kingfish)]

Well, I hear that a short time after you was born, your father went around demanding his cigars back.

[Amos]

Oh, wait a minute. You say, look here. Look, look who coming in. Here's Andy coming here. You're all excited looking. Look at him there.

[Andy (Kingfish)]

Hey, Kingfish. Kingfish, I just got the letter. We. We done won the contest.

[Amos]

Oh, we done won it. Agreed and agreed. Like I was saying before, Henry, there's nothing like a baby or fatherhood or baby.

[Andy (Kingfish)]

And don't forget the 500 prize.

[Amos]

Oh, money hood. Oh, yeah.

[Andy (Kingfish)]

Take it easy, take it easy, Kingfish. I ain't told you about the catch anything.

[Amos]

Catching the thing. Don't tell me the contest is crooked.

[Emma]

Yes.

[Andy (Kingfish)]

What seems to be the trouble? Well, the letter part is okay, but it's the P.S. that's the trouble. It say that the mother and father has gotta appear in person at the camera company to get the prize money.

[Amos]

Oh, me.

[Narrator]

Well, it don't look like he was

[Amos]

going to get any money.

[Andy (Kingfish)]

In that case, gentlemen, I'll be running along.

[Hanover Smith (Camera Company President)]

Goodbye.

[Andy (Kingfish)]

Goodbye.

[Amos]

Oh, what is we going to do now, Ander?

[Andy (Kingfish)]

Oh, I don't know. It's a mess.

[Amos]

Say, wait a minute, Andy. This is the break. Here comes Gabby Gibson, our lawyer. He is just the man that might help us.

[Andy (Kingfish)]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Amos]

Come in, Gabby.

[Gabby Gibson (Lawyer)]

Oh, hello, boy. Just passing by. Just passing by. I thought I'd drop in.

[Andy (Kingfish)]

Glad you did. Glad you did. Gabby, we in a jam here. And as a lawyer, you might be able to help us.

[Gabby Gibson (Lawyer)]

Sorry, boys, sorry. I just put in 10 hours working in my office. 10 hours and I'm through working for the day. And my working day is over.

[Andy (Kingfish)]

Oh, but Gabby, you gotta help us.

[Shorty the Barber]

Sorry, boys.

[Gabby Gibson (Lawyer)]

My day is over.

[Amos]

This matter revolves $500.

[Gabby Gibson (Lawyer)]

Uh, a new day just dawned. What's the case, boys?

[Andy (Kingfish)]

What's the case?

[Amos]

Well, Gabby, you remember us telling you conferential last week about us entering a picture in the baby contest?

[Gabby Gibson (Lawyer)]

Oh, yes, the baby contest. The picture you got shortest. Tell me, did it win the prize? Did it win the prize?

[Amos]

Yes. No, and maybe.

[Gabby Gibson (Lawyer)]

You certainly grooved that one right in the middle, didn't you?

[Amos]

Yeah.

[Andy (Kingfish)]

Here, here, Gabby, read this letter.

[Gabby Gibson (Lawyer)]

Let me see here, let me see what it say.

[Mystic Knights of the Sea Quartet Member]

Dear Mr. Brown.

[Amos]

That's wonderful.

[Andy (Kingfish)]

That's great.

[Gabby Gibson (Lawyer)]

Sensational.

[Andy (Kingfish)]

Now read the psych.

[Gabby Gibson (Lawyer)]

They certainly can ruin the letter, can't they?

[Amos]

Now what does we do about that, Gary?

[Gabby Gibson (Lawyer)]

Well, before I read the last part, I gonna say you boys were sitting pretty. The case was ipso facto.

[Andy (Kingfish)]

Yeah, well, after reading the last part, what do you think?

[Gabby Gibson (Lawyer)]

Well, you see, the complexion done changed in the legal profession. You is no longer what is known as ipso facto.

[Andy (Kingfish)]

Well, what did we know it as?

[Gabby Gibson (Lawyer)]

Upso Creek, Oopso.

[Narrator]

Creco.

[Amos]

Now look what else we do about it though, Gabby. That is the question.

[Gabby Gibson (Lawyer)]

Wait a minute, boys. I think I got it. I think I got it. Andy, the letters addressed to you and they think you is the father. Now all we got to do now is get a mother. Who can we get for a mother?

[Amos]

Say, I know I got an idea. And I know exactly who. I know just the one Who? Your landlady.

[Andy (Kingfish)]

Oh, you mean that homely old mean face.

[Gabby Gibson (Lawyer)]

And this is no time to select faces. What you gotta have now is a body.

[Andy (Kingfish)]

Yeah, well, listen, how is I going in there and ask her to pretend to be the mother of my baby though?

[Amos]

Yeah, well, now look here, just play up to her, Andy. Play up to her. Make her think that you agree as a butter. And take my word for it, she'll do anything for you.

[Andy (Kingfish)]

Well, all right. I hope I doing the right thing. Hello, Ms. McDaniel. I just thought I'd drop in.

[Ms. McDaniel (Landlady/Hattie)]

Have you got the room rent?

[Andy (Kingfish)]

Oh, look, Ms. McDaniel, why has we always gotta be talking about the room rent?

[Ms. McDaniel (Landlady/Hattie)]

What else you wanna talk about?

[Andy (Kingfish)]

Me and you? Ms. McDaniel, I might as well tell you. All I think about is you from the first moment I done set eyes on you. Let me sit down on the sofa there and whisper sweet nothings in your ear.

[Ms. McDaniel (Landlady/Hattie)]

Listen, if you got any sweet nothing to say to me, don't whisper em. Bark em right out wide, Henry.

[Andy (Kingfish)]

Yeah, well, you does like me a little, don't you? You don't hate me, does you?

[Shorty the Barber]

Hate you?

[Ms. McDaniel (Landlady/Hattie)]

With the shortage of men around here, I can't afford to hate nothing that wears pants. Sit down on the sofa.

[Amos]

Yeah.

[Andy (Kingfish)]

You don't mind if I called you Hattie, does you?

[Ms. McDaniel (Landlady/Hattie)]

That's my name.

[Mystic Knights of the Sea Quartet Member]

Yeah.

[Andy (Kingfish)]

Well, there's something I want to ask you.

[Shorty the Barber]

There he is.

[Andy (Kingfish)]

Yeah. Now this is going to be a kind of a sudden to you.

[Ms. McDaniel (Landlady/Hattie)]

Sit closer, Andy. What does he want to ask me?

[Andy (Kingfish)]

I don't know how you're going to take it.

[Ms. McDaniel (Landlady/Hattie)]

Well, ask me. That's the best way to find out. What did you want to ask me, darling?

[Andy (Kingfish)]

Would you be the mother of my baby? I mean, the mother of our baby.

[Ms. McDaniel (Landlady/Hattie)]

What was that?

[Andy (Kingfish)]

I mean Shorty's baby.

[Ms. McDaniel (Landlady/Hattie)]

Shorty who's sorry?

[Andy (Kingfish)]

Oh, me. I was all mixed up here. Let me explain the whole thing to you.

[Ms. McDaniel (Landlady/Hattie)]

Yeah, I'm telling you right now, you're gonna have to explain this.

[Shorty the Barber]

Good.

[Andy (Kingfish)]

Yeah, well. But look, Hattie, here's the thing in a nutshell. If you believe. If you make believe that you as the mother in a baby picture contest I done entered, I'm going to win enough money to pay you to rent. Is it a deal?

[Ms. McDaniel (Landlady/Hattie)]

Well, if it mean I'm going to get my rent, it's a deal.

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[Narrator]

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[Andy (Kingfish)]

Oh, thank you, Harry. My troubles is over.

[Narrator]

Aren't so whitewashed with ease Are in so brightwash with safety Is it any wonder that women here, there everywhere are singing Rinse O ho For a wash

[Mystic Knights of the Sea Quartet Member]

that's white as it can be Rinso

[Ms. McDaniel (Landlady/Hattie)]

fright B R I G H T

[Mystic Knights of the Sea Quartet Member]

yes Rinse oh, keeps your colors bright get out for dirt boil or so bite here's great advice, you can't go

[Ms. McDaniel (Landlady/Hattie)]

wrong Rinse o white, Rinse o print

[Mystic Knights of the Sea Quartet Member]

Happy middle wash day song.

[Narrator]

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[Ms. McDaniel (Landlady/Hattie)]

Puts an end to wash day sneezing spell.

[Narrator]

Yes, ma'. Am. Rinso is anti sneeze. It's made by an exclusive anti sneeze process and is 98 free of Sneezy soap dust. No other granulated soap can make this claim. So next wash day, remember Arinso white wash with ease. A rino bright wash with safety.

[Amos]

There sure will some office. This camera supply company got you, ain't it?

[Andy (Kingfish)]

Yeah, sure is. I wonder when they're going to call us in.

[Ms. McDaniel (Landlady/Hattie)]

I ain't going to sit here much longer.

[Andy (Kingfish)]

Yeah. Oh, who is this?

[Hanover Smith (Camera Company President)]

I take it you are Mr. And Mrs. Brown.

[Ms. McDaniel (Landlady/Hattie)]

That's right.

[Andy (Kingfish)]

Yeah, that's us. And this is my friend George Stephens.

[Amos]

How you do, sir? How do you do?

[Hanover Smith (Camera Company President)]

I'm Hanover Smith, the president of the company. Mr. Brown, I wonder if you'd step into the next office and identify the picture of your baby. Just as a formality. My secretary has it in there.

[Andy (Kingfish)]

Oh, sure. Be glad to do it. I'll do it right away.

[Amos]

Yes.

[Hanover Smith (Camera Company President)]

Well, Mrs. Brown, I guess you're quite surprised at did having your baby win the prize.

[Ms. McDaniel (Landlady/Hattie)]

Yeah, I was even surprised at having the baby.

[Hanover Smith (Camera Company President)]

Oh, I think I understand. Born a little early, eh?

[Amos]

Oh, yeah. So. Yeah, so it does, Ms. Smith does.

[Andy (Kingfish)]

Exactly.

[Hanover Smith (Camera Company President)]

Say, I couldn't quite tell from the picture.

[Andy (Kingfish)]

What?

[Hanover Smith (Camera Company President)]

Is the baby a boy or girl?

[Mystic Knights of the Sea Quartet Member]

Boy or girl?

[Amos]

It's a girl.

[Hanover Smith (Camera Company President)]

A little girl. Oh, how nice.

[Amos]

Oh, yes, sir. Yes, sir. Little girl makes great children, all right. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Hanover Smith (Camera Company President)]

Well, I hope this little baby has a big brother or sister to keep her company.

[Amos]

Oh, yes, yes. The Browns has got four other children, ain't you, Ms. Brown?

[Ms. McDaniel (Landlady/Hattie)]

Oh, sure. Wouldn't be without them.

[Hanover Smith (Camera Company President)]

Well, that certainly is.

[Andy (Kingfish)]

Well, well, well, I just checked the picture and everything's all right. Oh, what a baby that I. The father of my little sunny boy. Sonny boy. Sonny boy.

[Hanover Smith (Camera Company President)]

Why, Mrs. Brown here just told me the baby was a girl.

[Andy (Kingfish)]

Oh, yeah, yeah. Oh, sunny girl, Sunny girl.

[Amos]

Take it easy, Daddy.

[Andy (Kingfish)]

Yeah, well, yes, just a case of. Me, I got a bad memory. Cause just with one child, I ought to be able to remember whether it's a boy or girl. I gotta jot that down so I don't forget it again.

[Amos]

Oh, yeah, I'd keep a record of that, my child, if I was you.

[Hanover Smith (Camera Company President)]

Why, Mrs. Brown, didn't you tell me you had four other children?

[Ms. McDaniel (Landlady/Hattie)]

That's right.

[Hanover Smith (Camera Company President)]

Well, Mr. Brown just said you only had one child.

[Ms. McDaniel (Landlady/Hattie)]

He never could count.

[Amos]

They just joking with you, Mr. Smith. Great joke, huh?

[Mystic Knights of the Sea Quartet Member]

Oh, I see.

[Hanover Smith (Camera Company President)]

Well, you people are certainly fortunate having such a wonderful baby. And what impresses me more is the baby's so healthy looking, especially after being born early.

[Andy (Kingfish)]

Yeah, well, that being born early didn't

[Amos]

hurt the baby a bit.

[Andy (Kingfish)]

We let her take a nap later in the day.

[Hanover Smith (Camera Company President)]

What was that?

[Ms. McDaniel (Landlady/Hattie)]

Look, I don't want to rush nobody, but when does we get the prize money?

[Amos]

Oh, yes, yes. What about that, Ms. Smith?

[Hanover Smith (Camera Company President)]

Well, this is a little embarrassing.

[Andy (Kingfish)]

Now, mind you, not that I doubt

[Hanover Smith (Camera Company President)]

for a minute that you are the parents of the baby, but I'll just have to ask you to bring the baby up here with you before I can award you the prize money.

[Andy (Kingfish)]

Yeah, but I don't know why you can't give me the prize money right now.

[Hanover Smith (Camera Company President)]

Well, let me put it this way. We wouldn't want anyone that isn't the baby's father to get the money, would we?

[Andy (Kingfish)]

Yeah. I mean, no. No.

[Hanover Smith (Camera Company President)]

So you bring the baby up here and I'll give you the check. Good day.

[Andy (Kingfish)]

Well, how about that? You'd think I was dishonest or something.

[Ms. McDaniel (Landlady/Hattie)]

Andy, beginning now, I ain't your wife no more, which I ain't no how. And beginning tonight, I as your landlady the same as I as your wife, which I ain't.

[Amos]

Now, don't get under the courage. And we still have one chance that we can get the baby from Shorty.

[Andy (Kingfish)]

Yeah, but that cameraman is mighty respectful. We liable to get in trouble counter that baby.

[Amos]

Yeah, this is the first time I done ever heard of a child contributing to the delinquency of an adult.

[Andy (Kingfish)]

Yeah, well, I hope Shorty knows where the baby is, then we can collect.

[Amos]

Yeah, well, we'll soon find out here at the barber shop. Here now.

[Shorty the Barber]

Oh, hi, fellas.

[Andy (Kingfish)]

Hello, Shorty.

[Amos]

Hello, Shorty. We got some business to discuss with you.

[Shorty the Barber]

Yeah, but I can't loan you no money.

[Andy (Kingfish)]

No, no, Shorty, this will make you money. Tell me this is that baby picture that you had on the wall anywhere around Harlem.

[Shorty the Barber]

Oh, so.

[Amos]

Oh, good, the baby's around you, huh? Good. Now, tell you what, Shorty. We'll give you $10 if we can borrow the baby for about one hour.

[Shorty the Barber]

That's a deal. Give me the $10.

[Amos]

Okay, here it is. Right here. Now, where is the baby?

[Shorty the Barber]

Right here. That doesn't picture me 40 years ago.

[Emma]

Well, poor Andy didn't get his $500, so he's still in trouble. But here's Harlow Wilcox to tell you how to save yourself a lot of

[Narrator]

trouble this time of year. Well, it's the time of year for spring cleaning. And one way to cut hours of hard work out of your schedule is to use Rinso for all your soap and water jobs. Woodwork, walls, tiles, linoleum, windows. Everything comes sparkling bright quickly and easily with soapy, rich Rinso. It's swell for dishes, too, and so easy on your hands. So get Rinso for house cleaning, for dishwashing and for a wash, that Rinso, White Rinso, bright.

[Emma]

Well, that's just about the way I would have said it.

[Amos]

Get Rinso.

[Andy (Kingfish)]

Yeah, do that. Good night, folks.

[Narrator]

Be sure to be with us next Friday evening at this same time when the makers of Rinso will again present Amos and Andy Show. Our program is broadcast to our fighting men all over the world through the facilities of the Armed Forces Radio Service. This is Harlow Wilcox saying good night to all of you from all of us and reminding you that one pound of used fats brings you cash plus two red ration points. One pound of used fats helps supply enough medicine to care for a wounded serviceman for 12 days. Ladies, saving used fats is your war job. Don't fall down on it. Save every drop of used fats and greases in a clean tin can. When the can is full, take it to your butcher right away. You'll get cash plus two red ration points for every pound.

[Andy (Kingfish)]

All mothers calling all fathers.

[Amos]

Important information for you.

[Ms. McDaniel (Landlady/Hattie)]

Swan is pure as fine cat feel. See how smooth your hands will feel. Baby mouth for everything. Swan's a stove that makes us sing.

[Andy (Kingfish)]

Swan for baby, for your bath, for dishes, light laundry. That is all that is plenty.

[Amos]

This is the National Broadcasting Company.

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[Andy (Kingfish)]

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