Amos 'n' Andy 45-01-12 054 One Phony Antique

Summary

Podcast Summary: Amos 'n' Andy – "One Phony Antique"

Podcast: Harold's Old Time Radio
Host: Harold's Old Time Radio
Episode Aired: October 26, 2025 (original episode January 12, 1945)
Episode: "One Phony Antique" (Episode 054)

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Overview

This episode of the classic radio sitcom "Amos 'n' Andy" revolves around the Kingfish's (George Stevens) efforts to replace his repossessed desk with a questionable antique, only to stumble upon old love letters in its drawer. Mistaken identity, friendship squabbles, and a forgotten wedding anniversary lead to a hilarious series of misunderstandings, culminating in a reflection on love, memory, and the value of sentiment over material wealth.

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Key Discussion Points & Story Beats

1. The "Genuine Antique" Desk (00:30–02:19)

• The finance company repossesses Kingfish’s prized desk; Kingfish visits a secondhand store.
• Mr. Miller, the salesman, tries to sell Kingfish a rickety desk, claiming its authenticity due to wormholes.
  • Mr. Miller: "The worm holes stamp this as being an authentic antique. As a matter of fact, this desk actually belonged to George Washington." (01:42)
• Kingfish haggles, pays $4 with a promise for $2 more later.

2. Forgotten Anniversary and Old Love Letters (02:34–03:53)

• Sapphire confides in Amos about Kingfish forgetting their anniversary—she feels unloved.
  • Sapphire: "The love has done went out of our marriage." (03:06)
• Amos/Lightning tries to cheer her up; Sapphire shows old love letters Kingfish wrote 20 years ago.
• Lightning hatches a plan to put the love letters in Kingfish's new desk to rekindle his affection.

3. Mistaken Identity: The Letters of “George” (04:22–06:35)

• Kingfish and Andy find the love letters in the desk's drawer, all signed "George".
• Kingfish is convinced they’re George Washington’s love letters to Martha, potentially worth $10,000.
  • Andy: "To the mama of our country." (05:29)
• Andy attempts to make himself a partner in the find, offering Kingfish $12 for a share.

4. Schemes and Plans to Cash In (06:44–10:19)

• Lightning is dispatched to pay the remaining $2 and get a receipt.
• The group debates about the Smithsonian's interest in these "historic" letters.
  • Kingfish: "Oh, they buy old broken down spinning wheels. Yeah. They even bought the first plane the Wright Brothers ever built. And that was a bad thing to buy." (08:40)
• Gabby suggests selling to Professor Pepperdine, a colonial collector, warning the Smithsonian is too savvy.

5. Realization and Deflation (12:02–14:14)

• Back at the Lodge, Amos and Lightning discuss the plan to remind Kingfish of his old feelings via the love letters.
• Kingfish visits Professor Pepperdine, only to discover the letters are not Washington’s but his own from 20 years ago.
  • Professor Pepperdine: "Not only that, but the original contents of these letters weren’t written more than 20 years ago... don’t attempt to sell them as George Washington’s or you’ll end up in jail." (13:59, 14:08)

6. The “Great Love” and $12 Switcheroo (17:53–19:36)

• Both Kingfish and Andy, realizing the letters’ true origins, try to offload their “partnership” on each other for $12 with excessive displays of friendship.
  • Kingfish: "The love I got for you is greater than all the famous loves in history. Romeo and Juliet, Anthony and Cleopatra, Barnum and Bailey and all them great people. I tell you, I got them all beat, Andy." (19:21)
• The partnership, and love, is comically insincere.

7. A Desk Turns a Profit (20:32–21:40)

• Mr. Miller, now suspicious of the desk’s value, offers to buy it back for $50.
• Kingfish and Andy split the profit, finally making something out of their absurd adventure.

8. Anniversary Redemption (22:17–27:45)

• Shorty reminds Kingfish about the forgotten wedding anniversary, prompting last-minute gift shopping.

• Kingfish decides to buy Sapphire a muskrat fur coat and, lacking inspiration, recycles the same love letter.

  • Kingfish (reading): "To the most wonderful woman who ever drew the breath of life. I love you." (25:00)

• Sapphire recognizes the note as the first letter he ever wrote her, revealing the source of the desk letters and misunderstanding.

  • Sapphire: "No, no. That was written many years ago by a much younger man than you... that's the first letter you ever wrote to me." (26:43)

• Memorable Conclusion: Kingfish, embarrassed and chastened, vows to join Lightning in night school for a memory course.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Haggling Over the Desk:

  • Kingfish: "Less expensive? You mean the men's work cheaper than the worm." (01:36)

• Misreading the Letters' Value:

  • Andy: "To the mama of our country." (05:29)
  • Kingfish: "If these are George Washington’s letters, they is worth a fortune. Maybe even $10,000." (05:39)

• Gabby’s Sinking Fund Joke:

  • Gabby: "If you start sinking that money in the bank, you ain't gonna have much fun. That's sinking fun up." (10:15)

• Lightening’s Absurd Literalism:

  • Lightning: "He wrote them over a hundred years ago down in Virginia, and today just come into our hands." (07:35)
  • Lightning: "That a mail sure is slow, ain't it." (07:43)

• Kingfish and Andy Swap:

  • Kingfish: "Just so I don’t embarrass you too much by doing such a great favor for you, I’ll let you pay me a measly $12 for my half interest." (18:58)
  • Andy: "I was willing to sell you back my half of the letters for $12 and let you keep the 10,000." (19:08)

• Anniversary Sentiment:

  • Sapphire: "This note means more to me than anything." (26:10)
  • Kingfish, sheepishly: "I go into night school with Lightning." (27:45)

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Timestamps of Key Segments

• Buying the “antique” desk: 00:30–02:19
• Anniversary heartbreak & love letter plan: 02:34–03:53
• Discovery of the letters & mistaken identity: 04:22–06:35
• Smithsonian/Scheme planning: 07:00–10:19
• Gabby’s advice & sinking fund joke: 09:07–10:19
• Professor Pepperdine busts the scam: 13:52–14:14
• The $12 “great love” scam: 17:53–19:36
• Miller buys back the desk: 20:37–21:40
• Kingfish’s anniversary redemption: 22:17–27:45

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Tone & Style

Humorous, fast-talking, and loaded with puns and malapropisms, the episode is classic "Amos ‘n’ Andy," playing with language, status, and slapstick misunderstandings. The affectionate bickering and exaggerated displays of loyalty and love poke fun at human nature and materialism.

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For New Listeners

This episode is a great example of "Amos ‘n’ Andy’s" blend of mistaken identity, get-rich-quick schemes, and sentimental endings. The laughs come from the characters’ foibles—Kingfish’s scheming, Andy’s opportunism, Lightning’s literal mind, and Sapphire’s longing for romance—woven together in rapid-fire dialogue and comic misdirection. It’s a lighthearted reminder that sometimes, old love notes are worth more than a "genuine antique"—even if you forget you wrote them.

Transcript

[Gabby]

Que pasa? Cuando cambias tu calentador de agua electrico Estandar puruno nuevo con bomba de calor Tu saoros crescen yo the Echo Energy star calcula que uno gar de cuatro Personas pode arrarqui niento cinquenta dolares facturas de luz Il costo de tuneba de calor se recupera en solo tres anos subed nivel conunun calentador de agua con bomba de calor visita dale upgrade punto com paramans informacion.

[Narrator]

The Amos and Andy Show. Now our stars, Amos and Andy. Well, after waiting two years for the second payment on the King Fisher's prize personal desk at the Lodge hall, the finance company gave up hope and took back the desk. That's why we now find the Kingfish in a secondhand furniture store about to buy a desk he can afford. At the moment, he's being convinced by the salesman that a rickety old desk he's looking at is a genuine antique.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Now look here, Mr. Miller, I ain't complaining because the desk is all bruised up and ready to fall apart. But ain't you got none without them little holes in it?

[Mr. Miller]

Oh, those little holes. Well, those are wormholes. That proves it's a genuine antique.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Is a genuine antique. Cause it got wormholes.

[Mr. Miller]

Well, naturally, of course, there are imitation antiques with man made wormholes. But those are less expensive.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Less expensive? You mean the men's work cheaper than the worm.

[Mr. Miller]

What I meant to say was the wormholes stamped this as being an authentic antique. As a matter of fact, this desk actually belonged to George Washington.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Oh, George Wiseman, huh? Yeah, this must be the one he throwed across the Potomac. You want $6 for the thing, huh?

[Mr. Miller]

Stevens, how can you quibble about $6? Remember, this is the desk that the father of our country actually wrote letters on.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Yeah, from the looks of the thing, I guess he rid him with his little hatchet there too, didn't he? Tell you what, Ms. Muller, I'll take it. I'll give you $4 now, and you send the desk over to my office at the Lodge hall and I'll raise the other $2 before 6 o'.

[Lightning]

Clock.

[Mr. Miller]

All right, Stevens, it's a deal.

[Sapphire]

Amos, I can't tell you how sweet it was of you to come over and bring us this anniversary present.

[Lightning]

Oh, that's all right, Sapphire. You and the Kingfish is two of our closest friends. Tell me, what did the Kingfish give you for Your anniversary.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Anniversary?

[Sapphire]

I wish you hadn't asked me that. Amos, George walked out of the house this morning and he not only didn't give me a remembrance, he didn't even mention our anniversary. I feel terrible.

[Lightning]

Well, now, look, Sapphire, maybe he did that on purpose, you know, so he could kind of surprise you tonight with a present.

[Sapphire]

No, Amos, he just forgot about it. It's because it don't mean nothing to him no more. Amos, the love has done went out of our marriage.

[Lightning]

Oh, don't say that, Sapphire. Kingfish still loves you. I know he does.

[Sapphire]

Well, not like he used to. Amos, I just took out some old love letters that he wrote me 20 years ago, just before our marriage. Here, read this one. It's short, but it certainly is beautiful. It come with some flowers.

[Lightning]

To the most wonderful woman who ever.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Drew the breath of life.

[Lightning]

I love you with all my heart, Joy. Yes, Sapphire, that really beautiful Lorraine.

[Sapphire]

Yes, ain't it? I was looking over these other four letters too. They're all just the same, sweet and affectionate. Oh, Amos, why can't George be sweet like that again?

[Lightning]

Yeah, well, what we gotta do is kinda remind him or say, wait a minute, I got an idea. I tell you what I'll do, Sapphire. I'll take these five letters and I'll slip them into Kingfish's desk at the office. And when he find them, it's going to remind him of the way he used to feel about you. See, Sapphire, I know this is going to work.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Well, look at that, Anna. They must have delivered my new desk while we was out to lunch.

[Andy Brown]

That's a new desk.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Yeah.

[Andy Brown]

Well, if that was a new desk when you bought it, we must have took longer to eat lunch than we thunk. Look at all them holes. Look at them holes in there. What is them?

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Oh, them is worm holes. And yeah, that proves the thing was owned by George Washington. Yeah, there used to be worms in that desk.

[Andy Brown]

That's a fine thing for a fella to keep in the desk. Boy, this thing sure is busted down. Look at this drawer here. What are these papers doing in here? They look like old letters.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Yeah, let me see him there, Andy. Yeah, five of them.

[Andy Brown]

That's right.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Everyone say to the most wonderful woman who ever drew the breath of life, I love you with all my heart. Signed George. Say, Andy, this letter. Signed George.

[Andy Brown]

Signed George, huh? Well, what about it? George is a common name. Even you has got it.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Say, Andy, don't you understand? This desk belong to George Washington. And if these letters assigned George, then these letters must have been writ by the father of our country.

[Lightning]

Yeah.

[Andy Brown]

To the mama of our country.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Yeah. Oh, say, Andy, this is the greatest thing that ever done happened to me.

[Andy Brown]

Yeah, it's good, all right.

[Lightning]

But listen, Andy, don't you understand?

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

If these are George Weinson's letters, they is worth a fortune. Oh. People collect this kind of stuff and they pay anything for them. Maybe even $10,000.

[Andy Brown]

$10,000? Well, this has certainly been our lucky day, ain't it, partner? Dear?

[Shorty]

Yeah.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Well, I thought there was a word you done used there that kind of gridded up against me there. You know the word partner. Now, that word only is used when there's two or more peoples in a deal. And there's just one people in this deal. Now it's both of them. That's what it is.

[Andy Brown]

Now, just a second, King.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Now, just a second nothing. Them letters is mine. That's my desk. Picked it out myself, and I bought it with my own money.

[Andy Brown]

Yeah, that's right. You put up the capital, and I as done put up the labor.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

What labor?

[Andy Brown]

I was the one that opened the drawer.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Nothing doing, Anders. No partners.

[Andy Brown]

But, Kingfish, I. As your friend.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

But I tell you, I ain't taking no partner in this deal.

[Andy Brown]

But we has been partners in dozens of deals.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Sorry, son. The answer is definitely no.

[Andy Brown]

I'll give you $12.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Here's your receipt. Now, look here. Now, I can pay the rest of the ooze on the desk with this money of yours.

[Andy Brown]

Yeah, well, here's your money.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Yeah, thanks, Andy. Lightning's out in the hall there. Call him there, will you, Andy?

[Andy Brown]

Okay. Hey, Lightning.

[Lightning]

You want me? Ms. Andrew?

[Andy Brown]

Yeah, you ain't busy, is you?

[Lightning]

Well, I just been sweeping up the hall again.

[Andy Brown]

Yeah, well, the Kingfish want to see.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

You in here, brother.

[Lightning]

Kingfish, I ain't got much time. What I gotta do is go to my memory course at night school.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Well, I don't care nothing about that, Lightning. Now, look, Lightning, this is reporting. I want you to take this $2 over to Miller's Secondhand Furniture Store and pay it to him for me. Now, whatever you do, Lightning, get this in your head.

[Lightning]

Yeah.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Sir, I want you to get a receipt, okay, Kingsley.

[Andy Brown]

Yeah, that's right. That receipt is reporting, Lightning. You see, we done kind of struck it big here. We got some letters that George Washington done read.

[Lightning]

Did you say George Washington unread them?

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Yeah, that's right. Leighton. He wrote them over a hundred years ago down in Virginia, and today just come into our hands.

[Lightning]

That a mail sure is slow, ain't it.

[Andy Brown]

Listen, listen, Lightning, they didn't come in the mail.

[Lightning]

Ah, you say they didn't come by the mail?

[Andy Brown]

No, no. We done found them in this genuine George Washington desk that the Kingfish bought at Miller's. These letters might be worth $10,000.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Yeah, and that's why you pay us when you pay us the money. Now, give the man $2. You gotta be sure and get a receipt proving that the desk is mine. Now get going.

[Lightning]

Okay, Brother Kingfish, I'll whiz over there.

[Andy Brown]

All right. Now, Kingfisher, where do we take these letters and get the money from?

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Well, now, look here. I just thinking here, and I've been thinking of something done hit me in the head here right smacking my brain.

[Andy Brown]

Yeah, go ahead.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Now, look here. We might take them down to the Smithsonian Institution and in Washington, D.C. you know, this will go to Columbia. Take them right down there because they collects all that historic stuff.

[Andy Brown]

Yeah, but do you think they're going to be crazy enough to pay $10,000 for five old letters?

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Oh, sure. They ain't so smart about the things they buy. Oh, they buy old broken down spinning wheels. Yeah. They even bought the first plane the Wright Brothers ever built. And that was a bad thing to buy.

[Andy Brown]

Was, huh? Yeah.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Since they bought it, ain't nobody down there ever see them fly it. I don't know what they want with the thing.

[Andy Brown]

Well, then that might be the. Wait a minute. Wait a minute.

[Gabby]

Oh, good morning, boys. Good morning. Glad to see you.

[Andy Brown]

Yeah, come in, Gabby.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

How are you, Gabby?

[Gabby]

I just met Lightning. Just met him out in the hall. He told me all about divorce and letters. All about them letters. Valuable property. Yes, indeed.

[Mr. Miller]

Valuable property.

[Gabby]

Let me see a couple of them.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Valuable property, huh? Here you is, Gabby.

[Andy Brown]

Look at him.

[Mr. Miller]

Yeah.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Mm, mm, mm.

[Gabby]

He sure was crazy about Martha, wasn't he?

[Andy Brown]

Oh, yeah, he was fixing it, all right.

[Gabby]

These are old letters, all right. Must have been writ with a quill.

[Andy Brown]

A quill?

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Oh, yeah. And that's where they used to do it in the old days. They used to rape with the tail feathers of a chicken.

[Andy Brown]

They did, huh? Didn't the chicken get in the way?

[Gabby]

Oh, Andy, they plucked out the feathers for us.

[Andy Brown]

Oh, they pulled the. Oh, I see.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Now, look here, Gabby. Me and Andy is singing on getting $10,000 for these letters.

[Gabby]

$10,000? Ooh, goodness, that's a lot of money. Is indeed a lot.

[Andy Brown]

Yeah, and when we gets it, we each gonna take our share and put it right smack in the bank, too.

[Gabby]

Is that what you're gonna Do? Is that what you're gonna do with 10,000? In financial circles, that's what they call sinking fund.

[Andy Brown]

Sinking fund? How you figure?

[Gabby]

Well, if you start sinking that money in the bank, you ain't gonna have much fun. That's sinking fun up.

[Sapphire]

Ivy had it.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Now, look here, Gabby. You might be able to help us on selling these letters. Now, we was figuring that we might take them down to the Smithsonian institution in Washington, D.C. now, what you think?

[Mr. Miller]

Bad, Very bad.

[Gabby]

Kingfish, you don't stand a chance there. No, indeed, not a chance. What you ought to do is take him to this fellow Professor Pepperdine. I done read about Professor Pepperdine. He's a famous collector of everything of the colonial period. I can get his address for you.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Uh, Professor Pepperdine? Yeah. Well, now, that sound like a good idea. I'll go down there to see him.

[Andy Brown]

Yeah, Kingfish do that. Well, Gabby, I guess this whole thing make me and the Kingfish about the smartest mens in Harlem, don't it, Andy?

[Gabby]

I'd rather not answer that, if you don't mind.

[Andy Brown]

Why not?

[Gabby]

That's like George Washington.

[Mr. Miller]

I can't tell a lie neither.

[Lightning]

Well, there's the $2 for the desk, Ms. Miller.

[Mr. Miller]

Yes, yes, yes, thanks. And here's Stephen's receipt. Oh, say, before you go, would you mind telling me about those George Washington letters again?

[Lightning]

Yes. Well, all I know is that the Kingfish found them letters in the desk he done bought from you, and they worth $10,000.

[Mr. Miller]

Yes. Well, that's fine. Yes, thanks, Yasa.

[Lightning]

Goodbye.

[Mr. Miller]

That broken down piece of junk really was a George Washington desk. Well, I'm going over and buy that back from Stevens before this day's over.

[Andy Brown]

Come in, Amos.

[Mr. Miller]

Come in.

[Lightning]

Hi there, Anders.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Where's the Kingfish?

[Andy Brown]

Oh, he gone down to see a fellow by the name of Professor Pepperdine. He gonna sell him something. I'm glad you dropped in, though, Amos. I got big news to tell you. Me and the Kingfish done recovered something.

[Lightning]

Oh, wait a minute. Oh, that kingfish, Andy, he makes me mad. Somebody ought to give him a good talking to.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

You know it.

[Andy Brown]

What's the matter?

[Lightning]

Well, today is Sapphire's and his 20th wedding anniversary, and he done clean forgot about it. Sapphire's all broke up. He crying and everything else.

[Andy Brown]

Oh, well, believe me, Amos, the Kingfish got a good excuse for having to slip his mind today.

[Lightning]

Oh, no, he ain't neither. And I tell you what. Me and Sapphire done figured out a way to kind of jog his memory and remind him of the way he.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Used to feel about her.

[Lightning]

And we done it, you see, but he didn't pay no attention to it. Well, I tell you what. You see, I put five old love letters that he writ to her 20 years ago in that old desk that he bought for the office.

[Andy Brown]

Yeah, well, the big news that I'm going was. Amos, did I hear you say something about putting five letters in the cat fish's desk?

[Lightning]

Yeah, that's right, Andy. Yeah, but it didn't do no good. Tell me, and what was the big news that you was going to tell me?

[Andy Brown]

It just got smaller. Oh, me? Why don't nothing ever work out right? It seemed like my castles always come crumbling down. Amos, would you mind leaving me alone? I got some heavy figuring to do.

[Lightning]

Oh, sure, Andy.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

What is it?

[Andy Brown]

You gotta figure out how I was gonna get $12 back.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

But, Professor Pepperdine, I can't understand it. Is you sure these letters wasn't written by George Washington?

[Mr. Miller]

Not only that, but the original contents of these letters weren't written more than 20 years ago.

[Andy Brown]

My advice to you, Stevens, is not.

[Mr. Miller]

To even attempt to sell them as George Washington letters or you'll end up in jail.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Well, I sure like to get my hands on the big bum that writ these letters in the first place. Well, thanks anyway, Professor. So long.

[Andy Brown]

Goodbye.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Well, there's only one thing to do. I gotta get ahold of Andy and sell him my half of the partnership for another 12 doll.

[Narrator]

Andy and the Kingfish seem to have similar thoughts involving a sum of $12. We'll learn who comes out ahead in just a moment.

[Andy Brown]

Intermission time on the Amos and Andy Show. And that means our intermission orchestra, directed.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

By Raymond Scott with Dorothy Collins.

[Shorty]

Sam, for you.

[Sapphire]

Imagine you imagining that you love me and starting on a family tree Imagine starting on a family tree the papa is you and the mama is me if your heart goes bump a deep bump it's love, love, love if your throat comes up with a love it's love, love, love if your knees go and not get enough it's love, love, love if you're cuckoo like the cuckoo in the CL.

[Shorty]

Ram.

[Narrator]

And now back to Amos and Andy. Well, now that Professor Pepperdine has convinced the Kingfish that the letters he had were not written by George Washington. And now that Andy knows they actually are the Kingfish's old love letters, both partners are looking for each other in the hope of disposing of his interest in the partnership without tipping off the other as we join them. Now they're getting down to business in the Kingfish's office.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

And glad you dropped in because just sitting here saying to myself, andy Brown is the best friend I got and I certainly loves him.

[Andy Brown]

Yeah, Well, I just came over here to tell you that I was crazy about you, too.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Now, look, Andy, I want to tell you about my love first. And I'd appreciate it if you wouldn't interrupt me.

[Andy Brown]

All right. Sorry.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Sorry. Anyway, I keep saying to myself, Andy Brown is always doing things for me. Lends me money when I wants. It comforts me in my hour of needs.

[Andy Brown]

Is that me?

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Sure, it's you. Yeah. And then I finally. I ask myself this question. I say, george Stephens, when is you gonna do something for Andy? When is you gonna pay back that great friendship of this noble, generous, wonderful man?

[Andy Brown]

Is that still me?

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

That's still you. Yes. And the answer come back to me, Andy. Here, I got these George Washington letters. Why don't I give them to Andy? I say to myself, let him make the $10,000. Cool. Sandy, just so I don't embarrass you too much by doing such a great favor for you, I'll let you pay me a measly $12 for my half interest.

[Shorty]

Yeah.

[Andy Brown]

Tell me this, King Fish. Is you all through with the love stuff now?

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Yeah, I think I done covered everything there.

[Andy Brown]

Yeah. Of course, I come over to tell you about how crazy I is about you.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Me?

[Andy Brown]

Yeah. Tell you the truth, I was willing to sell you back my half of the letters for $12 and let you keep the 10,000.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Sorry, Ander. I love you too much.

[Andy Brown]

Not as much as I does you.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Much more. Much more, Brother. Anda, the love I got for you is greater than all the famous loves in history. Romeo and Juliet, Anthony and Cleopatra, Barnum and Bailey and all them great people. I tell you, I got them all beat, Andy.

[Andy Brown]

Yeah, well, the only thing is I. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wait a minute.

[Lightning]

Hello, gentlemen.

[Andy Brown]

What you want, Lightning?

[Lightning]

I give the furniture man the $2, you give me King Feast and I come to give you the receipt.

[Shorty]

Yeah.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Receipt, huh? Okay, give it to me.

[Andy Brown]

What's the matter, Lightning? You look like you're dreaming.

[Lightning]

Yes, I know I had that receipt someplace. I just don't remember where I put it.

[Andy Brown]

Lightning, you don't ever remember nothing.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Yeah. You ought to do something about that memory of yours, Lightning.

[Lightning]

I is King Feast. Like I told you, I already done made plans. Starting tonight, I go into night school to take a memory course.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

A memory course in night school, huh? Well, that's a good idea for you. You need it. You're Gonna start there tonight, huh?

[Lightning]

Aye, sir. If I don't forget. Well, I guess I gotta be going now. Yeah.

[Andy Brown]

Well, so long, Lytton.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Oh, so long, Leighton.

[Andy Brown]

Now, look, King kids bought that $12.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Mm.

[Andy Brown]

Hold it. Who is this coming in now?

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Oh, it look like Mr. Miller, the man that done sold me to death.

[Mr. Miller]

Oh, well, hello, Stephen. Glad I found you in.

[Shorty]

Yeah.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

You got the $2 I sent you for the desk, didn't you?

[Mr. Miller]

Oh, yes, yes, yes. But I want to speak to you about that desk.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

What about it?

[Mr. Miller]

Well, you see, there were some other people looking at the desk before you bought it. And when they found out that it was gone, being collectors of antiques and all that, they were very much upset. So I offered to come over and see if you wouldn't feel like selling it for a small profit.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Oh, well, I might be interested. How much you gimme for it? Well, that ain't enough.

[Andy Brown]

Yeah, double whatever you was thinking, and we'll take it.

[Mr. Miller]

I'll make it $50.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

That's better. It's a deal. That first figure was way too low.

[Mr. Miller]

Well, okay, boys. Here. Here's your money. And I'll send my truck over to pick up the desk.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Okay, Mr. Miller. Thank you.

[Lightning]

Yes.

[Mr. Miller]

So long, boy.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

So long. Oh, boy, that fella sure wanted that desk bad, didn't he, Andy? Look, here. Here's the money here. Here's $25 for you. And never say that I wasn't a good partner to you.

[Andy Brown]

Oh, that's great. Thanks a lot, Kingfish. And another thing I was thinking of here. Let's forget about them George Washington letters. Maybe they right to try and sell them. Yeah, I know. I don't want nobody going around trying to sell my letters after I is gone.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Yeah, well, I agree with you, Andy. Now, let's forget about them. Anyway, I got another deal that I can go into right now. And I got $25 capital to go in to deal with. I gonna check on the thing right now. I'll see you later. Hello, Shorty. How is you?

[Shorty]

Oh, how is you, Kingfish?

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Give me a shave, will you, Shorty? I gotta go out on a big deal.

[Shorty]

Okay. You know something? I was looking for you today. I wanted to congratulate you and seth on your 20th wedding anniversary.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Yeah, well, you see. 20th wedding anniversary today. That's right. Oh, me, I done clean forgot about it, Shorty.

[Shorty]

Yeah, well, congratulations anyway, King Fig, I want to tell you how happy you must married life must be. Must be one of the fin. Must be wonderful being married to all that marriage Must be a beautiful. How do you stand it?

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

You know, I just thinking here, Shorty. Sapphire must be crying her eyes. Of course, I didn't say nothing about it this morning. Maybe I better take her a nice present when I goes home tonight for our 20th anniversary.

[Shorty]

You better, if you expect to have a 21st.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Yeah.

[Lightning]

Well, now.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Oh, me. Here goes my $25 and the big deal. I wonder what I can get her for a present. Oh, that fur store down the street got a Muskrat fur coat in the window for $25.

[Shorty]

Yeah, I see that.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Wait a minute. Maybe I might get a better idea. Let me see. The 50th anniversary is gold. The 25th is silver. The 15th is crystal. I wonder what the 20th is.

[Shorty]

Well, I know it ain't Muskrat.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Well, I think I'll get her that coat anyway. Oh, yeah, I know she'd been looking at it.

[Shorty]

I was looking at it, too. It's nice, Kingfish, but are you sure it's brand new?

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Of course it's brand new, Shorty, and no person ever wore it before.

[Shorty]

Well, then, all I got to say that Muskrat must lead a hard life.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Oh, now, wait a minute. Don't talk sooner, Shorty. Now, the next thing I gotta do is to write Sapphire a sweet, loving note that I can put in with the coat. You got any ideas on what I can write as Shorty?

[Shorty]

Oh, why, sure. Just say, to the prettiest girl in the world. No, to the most gorgeous, to the lovely, to the shapely of. I'd like to meet her.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Now, wait a minute. I know exactly what to do. I was going to copy one of the love letters I done found in the desk, put that in the fur coat and bring it right home to Sapphire. Here, listen to this letter here. Here's what. Yeah, listen. To the most wonderful woman that ever drew the breath of life. I love you. How did that sound?

[Shorty]

Oh, no, that's not. That's too shy. It don't express the real. It ain't got enough sentiment. It's beautif.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Uh, Sapphire, honey, you is just the prettiest woman I done ever seen in that new fur coat.

[Sapphire]

Oh, George, I've wanted a fur coat like this for 10 years. But that ain't what means the most to me. Mm. When you come down to breakfast this morning, darling, you looked at me as if. Well, as if this day was no different to no other day. You can laugh now, but honest, I could have cried, George. Then after you left, I did cry. But now, sweetheart, now I know that you didn't forget.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Honey, if you'll just reach in the pocket of the fur coat there, you'll see just how much you means to me.

[Sapphire]

The pocket? Why, George, it's a no. To the most wonderful woman who ever drew the breath of life. I love you. Oh, George, this note means more to me than anything.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Yeah, I thought you'd like it, honey. That's why when I was. Well, I was overcome with the original idea. A while ago. The note, you know, just come to me a little while ago. I just couldn't wait to sit down and write it.

[Sapphire]

Wait a minute, George. You didn't just write that note?

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Uh, I didn't?

[Sapphire]

No, no. That was written many years ago by a much younger man than you.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Um, it was?

[Lightning]

Yes.

[Sapphire]

And I'm in love with the man that first wrote the note.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

You. You what? That's a fine thing to tell me on our anniversary. Now, how long has this been going on, and who is the big bum? That's what I want to know. Now, wait a minute, sir.

[Sapphire]

Well, George, I've been in love with that man for 10, 20 years.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

20 years. Right from the kickoff. Huh? Does you mean to tell me that our whole married life has been nothing but an infernal triangle?

[Sapphire]

Oh, darling, don't be silly. What's happened to your memory?

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

My memory?

[Sapphire]

Why, that's the first letter you ever wrote to me. The first love letter when you was courting me 20 years ago.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Uh, I wrote that letter?

[Sapphire]

Why, yes, dear. I had Amos put it and a few of the others in your desk drawer today.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Mm. Where's my hat?

[Sapphire]

George, where are you going?

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

I go into night school with lightning.

[Andy Brown]

Amos and Andy will be back with you again next week. And now, to close our program, here's.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Raymond Scott and the orchest.

[Andy Brown]

This is the Armed Forces Radio Service.

[Shorty]

Sam.