Amos 'n' Andy 45-01-12 054 One Phony Antique

Summary

---

Podcast Summary: Amos 'n' Andy – "One Phony Antique"

Podcast: Harold's Old Time Radio
Host: Harold's Old Time Radio
Episode Air Date: August 22, 2025
Original Show Broadcast: January 12, 1945
Episode Title: One Phony Antique

---

Overview

In this classic episode from the iconic radio show Amos 'n' Andy, a "genuine antique" desk kicks off a farcical adventure. Kingfish buys a worm-eaten secondhand desk, unwittingly receives old love letters planted by Amos, and quickly convinces himself they’re valuable George Washington artifacts. Misunderstandings and slapstick maneuvers follow as Kingfish and Andy attempt to profit, only to discover the true origin of the letters – and, in the end, Kingfish is reminded of the enduring love in his marriage to Sapphire.

---

Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. Buying the "Antique" Desk

• Kingfish seeks an affordable desk at a secondhand store after his old one is repossessed.
  • [01:14] Kingfish: “Now look here, Mr. Muller, I ain't complaining because the desk is all bruised up and ready to fall apart. But ain't you got none without them little holes in it?”
• Furniture Salesman, Mr. Miller claims the holes are evidence of “genuine antique wormholes” to boost the price and mystique.
  • [01:22] Mr. Miller: “Oh, those little holes... those are wormholes. That proves it's a genuine antique.”
  • [01:42] Mr. Miller: “As a matter of fact, this desk actually belonged to George Washington.”

2. Forgetting the Anniversary

• Sapphire is hurt Kingfish forgot their 20th anniversary, confides in Amos.
  • [02:48] Sapphire: “George walked out of the house this morning and he not only didn't give me a remembrance, he didn't even mention our anniversary.”
• Amos hatches a plan: sneak Kingfish’s old love letters for Sapphire into the desk at the lodge, hoping to rekindle romance.
  • [03:54] Amos: “I'll take these five letters and I'll slip them into Kingfish's desk at the office... going to remind him of the way he used to feel about you.”

3. Mistaken Identity: The George Washington Letters

• Kingfish and Andy find the old letters. Kingfish becomes convinced they're written by George Washington himself, based on the signature "George."
  • [05:13] Kingfish: “Say, Andy, this letter signed George... And if these letters are signed George, then these letters must have been writ by the father of our country.”
  • [05:29] Andy: “To the mama of our country.”
• Their get-rich-quick plan: Sell the "historic" letters for $10,000, with the Smithsonian as the first target.

4. Comic Partner Negotiations

• Kingfish tries to exclude Andy from the windfall over who "owns" the find, but Andy leverages involvement, even offering cash for a share.
  • [06:10] Andy: “I was the one that opened the drawer.”

5. Gabby's Advice and More Scheming

• Gabby suggests finding a private collector, Professor Pepperdine, rather than the Smithsonian.
  • [10:32] Gabby: “Kingfish, you don't stand a chance there. ...What you ought to do is take him to this fellow, Professor Pepperdine.”

6. The Scheme Unravels

• Amos reveals he and Sapphire planted the letters, but Andy only realizes too late.
  • [13:12] Andy: “Amos, did I hear you say something about putting five letters into Kingfisher's desk?... It just got smaller.”
• Professor Pepperdine debunks the letters as modern and of no historical value.
  • [13:59] Professor Pepperdine: “Not only that, but the original contents of these letters weren't written more than 20 years ago.”

7. The Furniture Store Buyback

• Mr. Miller tries to buy the desk back after hearing it might be valuable, and ultimately offers $50, which Kingfish and Andy accept.
  • [22:17] Mr. Miller: “I'll make it $50.”
  • [22:18] Kingfish: “That's better. It's a deal.”

8. Rekindling Romance

• Realizing his forgetfulness, Kingfish ultimately buys Sapphire a fur coat and pairs it with a loving note—actually recycling one of his own old letters.
  • [24:59] Kingfish: “Now, the next thing I gotta do is to write Sapphire a sweet loving note that I can put in with the coat.”
  • [25:43] Kingfish: “I know exactly what to do. I was going to copy one of the love letters I done found in the desk...”
• Sapphire recognizes the letter and reveals its true origin.
  • [27:50] Sapphire: “And I'm in love with the man that first wrote the note.”
  • [28:25] Sapphire: “Why, that's the first letter you ever wrote to me...”

---

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Antique salesmanship
  • [01:30] Mr. Miller: "There are imitation antiques with man-made wormholes, but those are less expensive."
• Amos’s optimism:
  • [03:06] Amos: “Maybe he did that on purpose, you know, so he could kind of surprise you tonight with a present.”
• Classic logic twist:
  • [05:29] Andy: “To the mama of our country.”
• Gabby’s financial wisdom:
  • [10:15] Gabby: “Well, if you start sinking that money in the bank, you ain't gonna have much fun. That's sinking.”
• Kingfish’s grand gesture:
  • [20:22] Kingfish (to Andy): “The love I got for you is greater than all the famous loves in history. Romeo and Juliet, Anthony and Cleopatra, Barnum and Bailey...”
• Anniversary revelation:
  • [27:56] Kingfish: “You…You what? That was a fine thing to tell me on our anniversary. Now, how long has this been going on, and who is the big bum?”
  • [28:25] Sapphire: “That's the first letter you ever wrote to me. The first love letter when you was courting me 20 years ago.”

---

Important Segment Timestamps

• [01:14] – Kingfish examines the "antique" desk
• [02:35] – Amos & Sapphire discuss the forgotten anniversary
• [04:22] – Kingfish and Andy discover the "George Washington" letters
• [06:44] – Andy buys into the deal for $12
• [10:32] – Gabby recommends Professor Pepperdine
• [13:12] – Amos reveals the letters’ origin to Andy
• [13:59] – Professor Pepperdine exposes the letters as fakes
• [22:17] – Mr. Miller buys back the desk for $50
• [24:54] – Kingfish decides on the fur coat and love letter for Sapphire
• [27:10] – Sapphire finds the recycled love note
• [28:46] – Kingfish, realizing his error, decides to attend a memory course

---

Tone and Style

The episode is full of classic Amos 'n' Andy vaudeville banter—witty, fast-paced exchanges with playful misunderstandings and comical schemes. The core theme is affectionate: even as fortune-hunting goes awry, old romantic feelings are reignited, bringing humor and warmth.

---

Conclusion

One Phony Antique delivers vintage Amos 'n' Andy: slapstick misunderstandings, friendship camaraderie, and heartfelt laughs. The team's get-rich-quick quest is ultimately foiled by miscommunication and their own past, but the story ends on a tender note, with Kingfish rediscovering the importance of his marriage—reminiscent of a time when a simple love letter meant the world.

---

Transcript

[Narrator/Announcer]

Imagine being on a vacation for a very long time. Now imagine saving money nightly while you do it. Sounds pretty great, right? With vrbo's long stay discounts, you can stay longer and save more. Our customers save an average of 10% when they book select properties for a week or longer. Just in case you needed another reason to extend that vacation book. The perfect summer Getaway today with VRBO Private Vacation Rentals. Your future self will thank you later.

The Amos and Andy Show. And now our stars, Amos and Andy. Well, after waiting two years for the second payment on the Kingfish's personal desk at the Lodge hall, the finance company gave up hope and took back the desk. That's why we now find the Kingfish in a secondhand furniture store about to buy a desk he can afford. At the moment, he's being convinced by the salesman that a rickety old desk he's looking at is a genuine antique.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Now look here, Mr. Muller, I ain't complaining because the desk is all bruised up and ready to fall apart. But ain't you got none without them little holes in it?

[Mr. Miller (Furniture Salesman)]

Oh, those little holes. Well, those are wormholes. That proves it's a genuine antique.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Is a genuine antique. Cause it got wormholes.

[Mr. Miller (Furniture Salesman)]

Well, naturally, of course, there are imitation antiques with man made wormholes, but those are less expensive.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Less expensive? You mean the menswear cheaper than the worm?

[Mr. Miller (Furniture Salesman)]

No, what I meant to say was the wormhole stamped this as being an authentic antique. As a matter of fact, this desk actually belonged to George Washington.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

George Washington, huh? Yeah, this must be the one he throwed across the Potomac. You want $6 for the thing, huh?

[Mr. Miller (Furniture Salesman)]

Stevens, how can you quibble about $6? Remember, this is the desk that the father of our country actually wrote letters on.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Yeah, from the looks of the thing, I guess he wrote them with his little hatchet there too, didn't he? Tell you what, Ms. Muller, I'll take it. I'll give you $4 now and you send the desk over to my office at the Lodge hall and I'll raise the other $2 before 6 o'. Clock.

[Mr. Miller (Furniture Salesman)]

All right, Stevens, it's a deal.

[Sapphire Stevens]

Amos, I can't tell you how sweet it was of you to come over and bring us this anniversary present.

[Amos]

Oh, that's all right, Sapphire. You and the Kingfish is two of our closest friends. Tell me, what did the Kingfish give you for your anniversary?

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Anniversary?

[Sapphire Stevens]

I wish you hadn't asked me that, Amos. George walked out of the house this morning and he not only didn't give me a remembrance, he didn't even mention our anniversary. I feel terrible.

[Amos]

Well, now, look, Sapphire, maybe he did that on purpose, you know, so he could kind of surprise you tonight with a present.

[Sapphire Stevens]

No, Amos, he just forgot about it. It's because it don't mean nothing to him no more. Amos, the lovers went out of our marriage.

[Amos]

Oh, don't say that, Sapphire. Kingfish still loves you. I know he does.

[Sapphire Stevens]

Well, not like he used to. Amos, I just took out some old love letters that he wrote me 20 years ago, just before our marriage. Here, read this one. It's short, but it certainly is beautiful. It come with some flowers.

[Amos]

To the most wonderful woman who ever drew the breath of life, I love you with all my heart. Joy. Yes, Sapphire, that really beautiful Lorraine.

[Sapphire Stevens]

Yes, ain't it? I was looking over these other four letters, too. They all just the same. Sweet and affectionate. Oh, Amos, why can't George be sweet like that again?

[Amos]

Yeah, well, what we gotta do is kind of remind him. Or say, wait a minute, I got an idea. I tell you what I'll do, Sapphire. I'll take these five letters and I'll slip them into Kingfish's desk at the office. And when he find them, it's going to remind him of the way he used to feel about you. See, Sapphire, I know this is going to work.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Well, look at that, Anna. They must have delivered my new desk while we was out to lunch.

[Andy Brown]

That's a new desk.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Yeah.

[Andy Brown]

Well, if that was a new desk when you bought it, we must have took longer to eat lunch than we thunk. Look at all them holes. Look at them holes in there. What is them?

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Oh, them is wormholes, Anna. Yeah, that proves the thing was owned by George Washington. Yeah, there used to be worms in that desk.

[Andy Brown]

That's a fine thing for a fella to keep in the desk. Boy, this thing sure is busted down. Look at this drawer here. What are these papers doing in here? They look like old letters.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Yeah. Let me see em there, Andy. Yeah, five of them.

[Andy Brown]

That's right.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Everyone say, to the most wonderful woman who ever drew the breath of life, I love you with all my heart. Signed George. Say, Andy, this letter signed George.

[Andy Brown]

Signed George, huh? Well, what about it? George is a common name. Even you has got it.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Say, Andy, don't you understand? This desk belong to George Washington. And if these letters are signed George, then these letters must have been writ by the father of our country.

[Amos]

Yeah.

[Andy Brown]

To the mama of our country.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Yeah. Oh, say, Andy, this is the greatest thing that ever done happened to me.

[Andy Brown]

Yeah, it's good all right, but listen.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Andy, don't you understand that these are George Weinson's letters? They is worth a fortune. Or people collect this kind of stuff and they pay anything for them. Maybe even $10,000.

[Andy Brown]

$10,000? Well, this has certainly been our lucky day, ain't it, Paul? Partner there.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Yeah, well, I thought. And there was a word you done used there that kind of gridded up against me there. You know the word partner. Now, that word only is used when there's two or more peoples in a deal. And there's just one people in this deal. And I as both of them. That's what it is.

[Andy Brown]

Now, just a second, King.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Now, just a second nothing. Them letters is mine. That's my desk. Picked it out myself and I bought it with my own money.

[Andy Brown]

Yeah, that's right. You put up the capital and I as done put up the labor.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

What labor?

[Andy Brown]

I was the one that opened the drawer.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Nothing doing, Anders. No partners.

[Andy Brown]

But, Kingfish, I as your friend.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

But I tell you, I ain't taking no partner in this deal.

[Andy Brown]

But we has been partners in dozens of deals.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Sorry, son. The answer is definitely no.

[Andy Brown]

I'll give you $12.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Here's your receipt. Now, look here. Now, I can pay the rest of the ooze on the desk with this money of yours.

[Andy Brown]

Yeah, well, here's your money.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Yeah, thanks, Andy. Lightning's out in the hall there. I call him there, will you, Andy?

[Andy Brown]

Okay. Hey, Lightning.

[Amos]

You want me? Ms. Andrew?

[Andy Brown]

Yeah, you ain't busy, is you?

[Amos]

Well, I just been sweeping up the hall again.

[Andy Brown]

Yeah, well, the Kingfish want to see.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

You in here, brother.

[Amos]

Kingfish, I ain't got much time. What I gotta do is go to my memory course at night school.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Well, I don't care nothing about that, Lightning. Now, look, this is reporting. I want you to take this $2 over to Miller's second hand furniture store and pay it to him for me. Now, whatever you do, Lightning, get this in your head.

[Amos]

Yeah.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Sir, I want you to get a receipt.

[Amos]

Okay, Kingsley.

[Andy Brown]

Yeah, that's right. That receipt is reporting lightning. You see, we done kind of struck it big here. We got some letters that George Washington done read.

[Amos]

Did you say George Washington unread them?

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Yeah, that's right, Leighton. He wrote them over 100 years ago down in Virginia and today just come into our hands.

[Amos]

That a mail sure is slow, ain't it?

[Andy Brown]

Listen, listen, Lightning, they didn't come in the mail.

[Amos]

Ah, you say they didn't come by the mail?

[Andy Brown]

No, no, we done found them in this genuine George Washington Desk that the Kingfish bought at Miller's. These letters might be worth $10,000.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Yeah, and that's why you pay us when you pay us the money. Now, give the man $2. You gotta be sure and get a receipt proving that the desk is mine. Now get going.

[Amos]

Okay, brother Kingfish, I'll whiz over there.

[Andy Brown]

All right. Now, Kingfisher, where do we take these letters and get the money from?

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Well, now, look here. I just thinking here, and I've been thinking of something done hit me in the head here. Right smacking my brain.

[Andy Brown]

Yeah, go ahead.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Now, look here. We might take them down to the Smithsonian Institution. And in Washington, D.C. you know, District of Columbia. Take them right down there because they collects all that historic stuff.

[Andy Brown]

Yeah, but do you think they're gonna be crazy enough to pay $10,000 for five old letters?

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Oh, sure. They ain't so smart about the things they buy. Oh, they buy old broken down spinning wheels. Yeah. They even bought the first plane the Wright Brothers ever built. And that was a bad thing to buy.

[Andy Brown]

Was, huh?

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Yeah. Since they bought it, ain't nobody down there ever see them fly it. I don't know what they want with the thing.

[Andy Brown]

Well, then that might be the. Wait a minute. Wait a minute.

[Gabby]

Oh, good morning, boys. Good morning. Glad to see you.

[Andy Brown]

Yeah, come in, Gabby.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

How are you, Gabby?

[Gabby]

I just met Lightning. Just met him out in the hall. He told me all about divorce and letters. All about them letters. Valuable property. Yes, indeed.

[Mr. Miller (Furniture Salesman)]

Valuable property.

[Gabby]

Let me see a couple of them.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Valuable property, huh? Here you is, Gabby. Look at him.

[Gabby]

Yeah.

[Sapphire Stevens]

Mm.

[Gabby]

He sure was crazy about Martha, wasn't he?

[Andy Brown]

Oh, yeah. He was affectionate, all right.

[Gabby]

These are old and it's all right. Must have been written with a quill.

[Andy Brown]

A quill?

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Oh, yeah. And that's what they used to do it in the old days. They used to write with the tail feathers of a chicken.

[Andy Brown]

They did, huh? Didn't the chicken get in the way?

[Gabby]

Oh, Andy, they plucked out the feathers first.

[Andy Brown]

Oh, they pulled the. Oh, I see.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Now, look here, Gabby. Me and Andy is figuring on getting $10,000 for these letters.

[Gabby]

10. $10,000? Oh, goodness. That's a lot of money. That's indeed a lot of money.

[Andy Brown]

Yeah. And when we gets it, we each gonna take our share and put it right smack in the bank, too.

[Gabby]

Is that what you're gonna do? Is that what you gonna do with 10,000? In financial circles, that's what they call sinking fund.

[Andy Brown]

Sinking fund? How you figure?

[Gabby]

Well, if you start sinking that money in the bank. You ain't gonna have much fun. That's sinking.

[Amos]

Fund up, Ivy Allen.

[Andy Brown]

Now.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Now, look here, Gabby. You might be able to help us on selling these letters. Now, we was thinking that we might take them down to the Smithsonian institution in Washington, D.C. now, what you think? Bad.

[Mr. Miller (Furniture Salesman)]

Very bad.

[Gabby]

Kingfish, you don't stand a chance there. No, indeed, not a chance. What you ought to do is take him, this fellow, Professor Pepperdine. I done read about Professor Pepperdine. He's a famous collector of everything of the colonial period. I can get his address for you.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Professor Pepperdine? Yeah. Well, now, that sound like a good idea. I'll go down there to see him.

[Andy Brown]

Yeah, Kingfish do that. Well, Gabby, I guess this whole thing make me and the Kingfish about the smartest mens in Harlem, don't it, Andy?

[Gabby]

I'd rather not answer that, if you don't mind.

[Andy Brown]

Why not?

[Gabby]

That's like George Washington.

[Amos]

I can't tell a lie neither. Well, there's the $2 for the desk, Ms. Miller.

[Mr. Miller (Furniture Salesman)]

Yes, yes, yes, thanks. And here's Stephen's receipt. Oh, say, before you go, would you mind telling me about those George Washington letters again?

[Amos]

Well, all I know is that the Kingsley found them letter and the desk he done bought from you.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

And they.

[Amos]

They worth $10,000.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Yes.

[Mr. Miller (Furniture Salesman)]

Well, that's fine. Yes, thanks.

[Amos]

Yeah, goodbye.

[Andy Brown]

Hmm.

[Mr. Miller (Furniture Salesman)]

So that broken down piece of junk really was a George Washington desk. Well, I'm going over and buy that back from Stevens before this day's over.

[Andy Brown]

Come in, Amos. Come in.

[Amos]

Hi there, Anders.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Say, where's the Kingfish?

[Andy Brown]

Oh, he gone down to see a fella by the name of Professor Pepperdine. He gonna sell him something. I'm glad you dropped in, though, Amos. I got big news to tell you. Me and the Kingfish done discovered something.

[Amos]

Oh, wait a minute. Oh, that kingfish, Andy, he makes me mad. Somebody ought to give him a good.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Talk until you know it.

[Andy Brown]

What's the matter?

[Amos]

Well, today is Sapphires and his 20th wedding anniversary, and he done clean forgot about it. Sapphires all broke up. Keep crying and everything else.

[Andy Brown]

Oh, well, believe me, Amos, the Kingfish got a good excuse for having to slip his mind today.

[Amos]

Oh, no, he ain't neither. And I tell you what. Me and Sapphire done figured out a way to kind of jog his memory and remind him of the way he.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Used to feel about her.

[Amos]

And we done it, you see, but he didn't pay no attention to it. Well, I tell you what. You see, I put five old love letters that he writ to her 20 years ago in that old desk that he bought for the office.

[Andy Brown]

Yeah. Well, the big news that I'm going was. Amos, did I hear you say something about putting five letters into Kingfisher's desk?

[Amos]

Yeah, that's right, Andy. Yeah, but it didn't do no good. Tell me, Andy, what was the big news that you was going to tell me?

[Andy Brown]

It just got smaller. Oh, me? Why don't nothing ever work out right? It seemed like my castles always come crumbling down. Amos, would you mind leaving me alone? I got some heavy figuring to do.

[Amos]

Oh, sure, Andy. What is it?

[Andy Brown]

You gotta figure out how I was gonna get dollar.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

But, Professor Pepperdine, I can't understand it. Is you sure these letters wasn't writ by George Washington?

[Mr. Miller (Furniture Salesman)]

Not only that, but the original contents of these letters weren't written more than 20 years ago.

[Andy Brown]

My advice to you, Stevens, is not.

[Mr. Miller (Furniture Salesman)]

To even attempt to sell them as George Washington letters or you'll end up in jail.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Yeah, well, I sure like to get my hands on the big bum that writ these letters in the first place. Well, thanks anyway, Professor. So long.

[Andy Brown]

Goodbye.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Well, there's only one thing to do. I gotta get ahold of Andy and sell him my half of the partnership for another 12 doll.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Andy and the Kingfish seem to have similar thoughts involving a sum of $12. We'll learn who comes out ahead in just a moment.

[Andy Brown]

Intermission time on the Amos and Andy Show. And that means our intermission orchestra, directed.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

By Raymond Scott with Dorothy Collins.

[Andy Brown]

Warning.

[Gabby]

The following ZipRecruiter radio spot you are.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

About to hear is going to be filled with F words when you're hiring.

[Narrator/Announcer]

We at ZipRecruiter know you can feel frustrated, forlorn, even, like your efforts are futile. And you can spend a fortune trying to find fabulous people, only to get flooded with candidates who are just fine. Fortunately, ZipRecruiter figured out how to fix all that. And right now you can try ZipRecruiter for free at ZipRecruiter.com Zip with ZipRecruiter you can forget your frustrations because we find the right people for your roles fast, which is our absolute favorite F word. In fact, four out of five employers who post on ZipRecruiter get a quality candidate within the first day.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Fantastic.

[Narrator/Announcer]

So whether you need to hire four, 40 or 400 people, get ready to meet first rate talent. Just go to ZipRecruiter.com zip to try ZipRecruiter for free. Don't forget that's ZipRecruiter.com zip. Finally. That's ZipRecruiter.com Zip.

[Sapphire Stevens]

Imagine you imagining that you love me and starting on a family tree Imagine starting on a family tree the papa is you and the mama is me if your heart goes up a diva it's love, love, love if your throat comes up with a love it's love, love, love if your knees go and not good enough it's love, love, love if you're cuckoo like the cuckoo in the cl. Ram.

[Narrator/Announcer]

And now back to Amos and Andy. Well, now that Professor Pepperdine has convinced the Kingfish that the letters he had were not written by George Washington, and now that Andy knows they actually are the Kingfish's old love letters, both partners are looking for each other in the hope of disposing of his interest in the partnership without tipping off the other as we join them. Now they're getting down to business in the Kingfish's office.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

And glad you dropped in, because just sitting here saying to myself, andy Brown is the best friend I got, and I certainly loved him.

[Andy Brown]

Yeah, Well, I just came over here to tell you that I was crazy about you, too.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Now, look, Andy, I want to tell you about my love first. And I'd appreciate it if you wouldn't interrupt me.

[Andy Brown]

All right. Sorry. Sorry.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Anyway, I keep saying to myself, andy Brown is always doing things for me. Lends me money when I wants. It comforts me in my hour of needs.

[Andy Brown]

Is that me?

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Sure is you. Yeah. And then I finally. I ask myself this question. I say, george Stephens, when is you going to do something for Andy? When is you going to pay back that great friendship of this noble, generous, wonderful man?

[Andy Brown]

Is that still me?

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

That's still you? Yes. And the answer come back to me. Andy, here, I got these George Washington letters. Why don't I give them to Andy? I say to myself, let him make the $10,000. Cool. Sandy, just so I don't rebarrass you too much by doing such a great favor for you, I'll let you pay me a measly $12 for my half interest.

[Andy Brown]

Yeah. Tell me this, King Fish. Is you all through with the love stuff now?

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Yeah, I think I done covered everything there.

[Andy Brown]

Yeah. Of course. I come over to tell you about how crazy I is about you.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Me?

[Andy Brown]

Yeah. Tell you the truth, I was willing to sell you back my half of the letters for $12 and let you keep the 10,000.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Sorry, Ander. I love you too much.

[Andy Brown]

Not as much as I does you.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Much more. Much more, brother. Anda, the love I got for you is Greater than all the famous loves in history. Romeo and Juliet, Anthony and Cleopatra, Barnum and Bailey and all them great people. I tell you, I got them all beat, Andy.

[Andy Brown]

Yeah, well, the only thing is I. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wait a minute.

[Amos]

Hello, gentlemen.

[Andy Brown]

What you want, Lightning?

[Amos]

I give the furniture man the $2, you give me King Feast, and I come to give you the receipt.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Yeah. Receipt, huh? Okay, give it to me.

[Andy Brown]

What's the matter, Lightning? You look like you're dreaming.

[Amos]

Yes, I know I had that receipt someplace. I just don't remember where I put it.

[Andy Brown]

Lightning, you don't ever remember nothing.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Yeah, you ought to do something about that memory of yours, Lightning.

[Amos]

I is king. Speech. Like I told you, I already done made plans. Starting tonight, I go into night school to take a memory course.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

A memory course in night school, huh? Well, that's a good idea for you. You need it. You're gonna start there tonight, huh?

[Amos]

Yes, sir. If I don't forget. Well, I guess I gotta be going now.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Yeah.

[Andy Brown]

Well, so long, Lytton.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Oh, so long, Leighton.

[Andy Brown]

Now, look, kingfish. Bout that $12.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Mm.

[Andy Brown]

Hold it. Who is this coming in now?

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Oh, it look like Mr. Miller. The man has done so many deaths.

[Mr. Miller (Furniture Salesman)]

Oh, well, hello, Stephen. Glad I found you in.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Yeah. You got the $2 I sent you for the desk, didn't you?

[Mr. Miller (Furniture Salesman)]

Oh, yes, yes, yes. But I want to speak to you about that desk.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

What about it?

[Mr. Miller (Furniture Salesman)]

Well, you see, there were some other people looking at the desk before you bought it. And when they found out that it was gone, being collectors of antiques and all that, they were very much upset. So I offered to come over and see if you wouldn't feel like selling it for a small profit.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Oh, well, I might be interested. How much you give me for it? Well, that ain't enough.

[Andy Brown]

Yeah. Double whatever you was thinking, and we'll take it.

[Mr. Miller (Furniture Salesman)]

I'll make it $50.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

That's better. It's a deal. That first figure was way too low.

[Mr. Miller (Furniture Salesman)]

Well, okay, boys. Here. Here's your money, and I'll send my truck over to pick up the desk.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Okay, Mr. Miller. Thank you.

[Amos]

Yes.

[Mr. Miller (Furniture Salesman)]

So long, boy.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

So long. Oh, boy, that fella sure wanted that desk bad, didn't he, Andy? Look, here. Here's the money. Here. Here's $25 for you. And never say that I wasn't a good partner to you.

[Andy Brown]

Oh, that's great. Thanks a lot, Kingfish. And another thing I was thinking of.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Here.

[Andy Brown]

Let's forget about them George Washington letters. Maybe they right to try and sell them.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Yeah.

[Andy Brown]

I know. I don't want nobody going around trying to sell my letters after I is gone.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Yeah, well, I agree with you, Andy. Now, let's forget about them. Anyway, I got another deal that I can go into right now. And I got $25 capital to go in the deal with. I gonna check on the thing right now. I'll see you later. Hello, Shorty. How is you?

[Shorty]

Oh, how is you, King Fish?

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Give me a shave, will you, Shorty? I gotta go out on a big deal.

[Shorty]

Okay. You know something? I was looking for you today. I wanna congratulate you and seth on your 20th wedding anniversary.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Yeah, well, you see. 20th wedding anniversary today. That's right. Oh, me, I done clean forgot about it, Shorty.

[Shorty]

Yeah, well, congratulations anyway, King Fig. I want to tell you how happy you must married life must be. Must be one of the fine. Must be wonderful being married to all that. Marriage must be a beautiful. How do you stand it?

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

You know, I just thinking here, Shorty. Sapphire must be crying her eyes. Of course, I didn't say nothing about it this morning. Maybe I better take a nice present when I goes home tonight for our 20th anniversary.

[Shorty]

You better, if you expect to have a 21st.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Yeah. Well, now. Oh, me. Here goes my $25 and the big deal. I wonder what I can get her for a present. Oh, that fur store down the street got a muskrat fur coat in the window for $25.

[Shorty]

Yeah, I see that.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Wait a minute. Maybe I might get a better idea. Let me see. The 50th anniversary is gold. The 25th is silver. The 15th is crystal. I wonder what the 20th is.

[Shorty]

Well, I know it ain't Muskrat.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Well, I think I'll get her that coat anyway. Oh, yeah, I know she been looking at it.

[Shorty]

I was looking at it too. It's nice, Kingfish, but are you sure it's brand new?

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Of course it's brand new, Shorty. Ain't no person ever wore it before.

[Shorty]

Well, then all I got to say that Muskrat must have led a hard life.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Oh, now, wait a minute. Don't talk silly, Shorter. Now, the next thing I gotta do is to write Sapphire a sweet loving note that I can put in with the coat. You got any ideas on what I can write ashore?

[Shorty]

Oh, why, sure. Just say, to the prettiest girl in the world. No, to the most gorgeous. To the lovely, to the shabrier. I'd like to meet her.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Now, wait a minute. I know exactly what to do. I was going to copy one of the love letters I done found in the desk, put that in the fur coat and bring it right home to Sapphire. Here, listen to this letter here. Here's what. Yeah, listen. To the most wonderful woman that ever drew the breath of life. I love you. How did that sound?

[Shorty]

No, no, that's too short. It don't express the real. It ain't got enough sentiment. It's beaut.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Uh, Sapphire, honey, you is just the prettiest woman I done ever seen in that new fur coat.

[Sapphire Stevens]

Oh, George, I've wanted a fur coat like this for 10 years. But that ain't what means the most to me. When you come down to breakfast this morning, darling, you looked at me as if. Well, as if this day was no different to no other day. You can laugh now, but honest, I could have cried, George. Then after you left, I did cry. But now, sweetheart, now I know that you didn't forget.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Honey, if you'll just reach in the pocket of the fur coat there, you'll see just how much you means to me.

[Sapphire Stevens]

The pocket? Why, George, it's a no to the most wonderful woman who ever drew the breath of life. I love you. Oh, George, this note means more to me than anything.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Yeah, I thought you'd like it, honey. That's why when I was. Well, I was overcome with the original idea. A while ago, the note, you know, just come to me a little while ago. I just couldn't wait to sit down and write it.

[Sapphire Stevens]

Wait a minute, George. You didn't just write that note?

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Uh, I didn't?

[Sapphire Stevens]

No, no. That was written many years ago by a much younger man than you.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Um, it was? Yes.

[Sapphire Stevens]

And I'm in love with the man that first wrote the note.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

You. You what? That was a fine thing to tell me on our anniversary. Now, how long has this been going on, and who is the big bum? That's what I want to know. Now, wait a minute, sir.

[Sapphire Stevens]

Well, George, I've been in love with that man for 20 years.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

20 years? Right from the kickoff. Huh. Does you mean to tell me that our whole married life has been nothing but an infernal triangle?

[Sapphire Stevens]

Oh, darling, don't be silly. What's happened to your memory?

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

My memory?

[Sapphire Stevens]

Why, that's the first letter you ever wrote to me. The first love letter when you was courting me 20 years ago.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Oh, I wrote that letter?

[Sapphire Stevens]

Why, yes, dear. I had Amos put it and a few of the others in your desk drawer today.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

Where's my hat?

[Sapphire Stevens]

George, where are you going?

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

I go into night school with lightning. Amos and Andy will be back with.

[Andy Brown]

You again next week.

[Kingfish (George Stevens)]

And now, to close our program, here's Raymond Scott and the orchest.

[Andy Brown]

This is the Armed Forces Radio Service.

[Shorty]

Sam.