
Anderson Family - Marys Friend Visits
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Liberty Mutual Spokesperson
And Doug, there's nowhere I wouldn't go to help someone customize and save on car insurance with Liberty Mutual. Even if it means sitting front row at a comedy show.
Liberty Mutual Spokesperson's Friend
Hey, everyone, check out this guy and his bird. What is this, your first date?
Liberty Mutual Spokesperson
Oh, no. We help people customize and save on car insurance with Liberty Mutual together. We're married. Me to a human, him to a bird.
Liberty Mutual Spokesperson's Friend
Yeah, the bird looks out of your league anyways.
Liberty Mutual Spokesperson
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Liberty Mutual Spokesperson's Friend
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Narrator
The Anderson family.
Mary Anderson
Now, Oliver, when Christine arrives this afternoon, please help me. She's an old school girl friend.
Oliver Anderson
How long is she going to stay?
Mary Anderson
I have no idea. Probably only a few minutes.
Oliver Anderson
Is that the babe who's trying to get into pictures?
Christine Bilgehaven
Yes.
Mary Anderson
She's just been married, so please be careful how you talk to them.
Oliver Anderson
I don't think I'm even going to
Mary Anderson
talk to them, Oliver. Christine would just love to go home and tell everyone I married a stoop.
Roland Bilgehaven
A stoop?
Christine Bilgehaven
What's a stoop?
Junior Anderson
Mom?
Oliver Anderson
Quiet. Okay, I'll show em how a stoop really acts.
Mary Anderson
No, please, Oliver.
Oliver Anderson
Spying on you so they can report I'm a stoop?
Mary Anderson
They didn't say that.
Oliver Anderson
Well, they intend to, according to you.
Junior Anderson
Uh oh, here we go again, folks.
Christine Bilgehaven
Sa.
Narrator
Now let's visit the Anderson family. Well, this whole thing started when Mary received a wire that a school day girlfriend is going to drop in on
Oliver Anderson
her for a short visit.
Narrator
The young lady is bringing her new husband with her. And needless to say, Mary is determined to make a good impression.
Mary Anderson
Hurry now, Junior, get all the papers off the back porch and then come in and help mother move this chair over the worn place and the rug.
Junior Anderson
Gee, mom, is this a visit or an event? Gosh, why don't you act like you always do?
Mary Anderson
Because when you have company, Junior, you have to exert yourself a bit to make their visit pleasant.
Junior Anderson
Well, if you haven't seen her for years, why do you care, Mom?
Mary Anderson
Well, because I do. Now run on and get your work done.
Junior Anderson
Mom, that's kind of cheating. She'll think we're always like this.
Mary Anderson
Oh, you just don't understand, Junior. I have to make her think I'm happy. A nice home, lovely son, money in the bank.
Junior Anderson
Is Pop gonna meet him, too?
Mary Anderson
Oh, I wish you wouldn't bring that up. Now I have enough to worry about. Run on. Your father will be here any minute.
Junior Anderson
Call me when Pop gets home. I want to see this.
Mary Anderson
Oh, I suppose the door is locked.
Oliver Anderson
Hi, heart Club. It's Mr. Anderson.
Mary Anderson
Well, I'm sorry you're so late.
Oliver Anderson
Oh, I stopped over and talked a few minutes with J.J. tuttle. There's a new remedy he's gonna make called youth bath.
Mary Anderson
Well, tell me about it some other time. And take hold of the other end of this radio.
Oliver Anderson
Now, wait. I've worked all day. We can do this housework Saturday.
Mary Anderson
He can do no such thing. Oliver. Here, read this wire.
Oliver Anderson
Now, wait. Your father wasn't here.
Mary Anderson
Only it's not Father.
Oliver Anderson
Oh. Arriving on eight o' clock train. We'll be thrilled to see you bringing Roland with me.
J.J. Tuttle
Christine.
Mary Anderson
Christine Johnson went to school with her. You wouldn't know her.
Oliver Anderson
You mean she's just barging in with no notice?
Mary Anderson
Well, the only thing that counts is she's arriving at 8. You have 20 minutes to meet the train.
Oliver Anderson
Why don't I take the newlyweds to a hotel?
Mary Anderson
Oliver Anderson.
Christine Bilgehaven
I'm about frantic as it is.
Mary Anderson
You can't treat people like they weren't welcome. I'm not? Well, I should think you try to help instead of having it all fall on my shoulders.
Oliver Anderson
Now, wait, honey. Calm down.
Mary Anderson
I want her to think I married well. I want her to feel that she isn't the only one who made a success of her life.
Oliver Anderson
Aw, come on, honey. Why pretend?
J.J. Tuttle
Let's just be normal.
Mary Anderson
Oliver Anderson. I'll not have her go back to Pleasantville and talk about me. She never did like me very well, and I know why she's coming here.
Oliver Anderson
Well, I'll meet the train and tell her we've moved.
Mary Anderson
No, you'll do as I ask. You meet the train, be pleasant, make her feel welcome. I do so want the people back home to know how happy I am.
Oliver Anderson
Okay, honey, you can count on me. Now, you go ahead. I'll take Junior down to the train with me. We're bound to see him sooner or later anyhow.
Junior Anderson
They come in this day, Pop. Mom said she was a blonde and rather prominent frontier.
Oliver Anderson
All we have to do is look for teeth and hair. All right, you look for the hair and I'll watch.
Junior Anderson
I think this is the lady, Pop, coming over toward this post.
Oliver Anderson
Blonde hair, prominent teeth. Brother, she isn't kidding. Oh, hello there. Is this Christine?
Christine Bilgehaven
Oh, you're Mr. Anderson. I would have known it in a moment. Just like Mary wrote, only a little older.
Oliver Anderson
This is Junior, Mary's boy.
Junior Anderson
I've heard so many nice things about you.
Christine Bilgehaven
Oh, you darling. Looks just like his mother.
Oliver Anderson
Oh, a little, yes. Shall I take your bags?
Christine Bilgehaven
No, Roland will bring them. Oh, excuse me. Mr. Anderson, this is Roland Bilge. Haven't my husband.
Oliver Anderson
Oh, hello there, Roland.
Christine Bilgehaven
Put your hat back on your head, Roland. This man is not a producer.
Roland Bilgehaven
Oh. Oh, I'm happy to make your acquaintance, I think.
Christine Bilgehaven
Well, shall we go?
Oliver Anderson
Well, just don't. I mean, you bet, you bet, you bet, you bet. Mary can't wait till she sees you. He's thrilled to death.
Junior Anderson
May I carry one of those grips for you, sir?
Roland Bilgehaven
Oh, of course. Here, take this one.
Oliver Anderson
Junior meant the little one, mister.
Roland Bilgehaven
Very well.
Oliver Anderson
Does riding on trains make Roland ill?
Christine Bilgehaven
Oh, no. He's ridden on them before. But he hates to call on people he doesn't know, that's all.
Oliver Anderson
Roland and I should get along fine.
Junior Anderson
Our car is over here. Mother's waiting for him.
Christine Bilgehaven
Just think, 13 years since I've seen Mary. I wonder if she still has straight hair.
Mary Anderson
Christine, darling, how are you? Let me look at you.
Christine Bilgehaven
Hello, dear. I'm so happy I could cry.
Mary Anderson
Oh, do put your things over there and come on in the other room.
Christine Bilgehaven
I don't know what to tell you first, Mary.
Oliver Anderson
What about rolling there?
Christine Bilgehaven
Oh, yes, of course. I'm not used to having a husband. This is Roland Bilshaven. Mary, my husband. How nice.
Mary Anderson
How do you do?
Christine Bilgehaven
Roland is assistant teller at the Farmer's bank over in Springville. And he gave up his career to bring me here. Oh. Are you going to locate out here, Christy? Oh, yes, of course. I have a letter from Mr. Webber there at the Bijou Theater, which will give me a few starring roles and pictures.
Junior Anderson
Gee, are you going to be a movie star?
Christine Bilgehaven
You can just bet I am. And nothing is going to stop me.
Oliver Anderson
That's the spirit. How do you feel about it, Roland?
Roland Bilgehaven
I suppose it'll be boring, but I'll go through with it. Because I love Christine with a love that is deeper than the deepest ocean.
Oliver Anderson
I like to see that in a man, Roland. Of course, it wears off a little later on.
Christine Bilgehaven
Yes, I guess that sort of thing could become monotonous.
Mary Anderson
Roland, Will you have a cigarette, Roland?
Roland Bilgehaven
I don't smoke.
Christine Bilgehaven
Roland neither smokes, drinks or plays cards.
Oliver Anderson
You cook, Roland?
Roland Bilgehaven
I abhor the kitchen.
Mary Anderson
Oliver, dear, will you help Junior get dressed for dinner?
Oliver Anderson
Help him? Oh, my God. Sure. Of course. Excuse me, folks. Come on, Junior.
Christine Bilgehaven
Yeah.
Junior Anderson
Excuse me.
Christine Bilgehaven
Of course we will. You run right along.
Junior Anderson
Why did mom want you to help me dress for dinner?
Oliver Anderson
I'm probably afraid I'd raise my voice to Rollin.
Junior Anderson
Well, what shall I wear for dinner? This is something new.
Oliver Anderson
Just change your shirt and comb your hair.
Junior Anderson
I always do that.
Oliver Anderson
Well, do it again. Did you get that remark about her going to be picture star?
Junior Anderson
Well, yeah, but she has a letter, Pop.
Oliver Anderson
Yeah. Listen, your mother could give her 10 minutes. Start in the powder room and make Christine look like the back row of a burlesque chorus.
Junior Anderson
Well, gee, Pop, like Mom says, you're not showing the right attitude.
Oliver Anderson
Never mind my attitude. If she didn't go home and tell all Mary's friends how I acted, I'd really make her visit a nightmare.
Christine Bilgehaven
How are you coming, darling?
Mary Anderson
Well, Oliver Anderson, if you don't hurry, I'll scream.
Junior Anderson
We'll be right there, Mama.
Oliver Anderson
Don't worry, honey. I'll pass the stuff to Christine first.
Mary Anderson
Oh, and the husband makes me so nervous.
Oliver Anderson
Oh, come now. In 10 minutes I'll have meeting out of your hand or else on his way to the railroad station.
Mary Anderson
Oliver, dear, will you bring the soup?
Oliver Anderson
Right away, Mary.
Christine Bilgehaven
My, you've a perfectly trained husband, Mary. Does he always help this way?
Mary Anderson
Well, he does now, but it took a lot of patience on my part.
Christine Bilgehaven
I do hope Roland will cooperate.
Oliver Anderson
Excuse me, Christine. It's hot.
Christine Bilgehaven
Oh, my goodness, I should say it is.
Oliver Anderson
And you, Roland?
Roland Bilgehaven
What kind of sort?
Oliver Anderson
Split pea.
Roland Bilgehaven
I don't eat it.
Oliver Anderson
Not either. These peas are different. They're split sideways.
Mary Anderson
Junior, please, you're spilling your milk.
Roland Bilgehaven
I don't care for any, thank you.
Oliver Anderson
Okay, Mary, thanks. How about you, Junior?
Junior Anderson
Oh, yes, thank you.
Oliver Anderson
We'll spend a few minutes with the soup. But there's more coming. You just read the paper, Rollin.
Roland Bilgehaven
Thank you.
Oliver Anderson
Comics are on page 11.
Christine Bilgehaven
Roland, dear, you're not yourself. You're generally so quick with witty answers.
Roland Bilgehaven
Please leave me be. Christine, don't nag.
Christine Bilgehaven
Oh, Mary, I must tell you. Remember Creeper Christiansen, the boy with six fingers?
Mary Anderson
Vaguely, yes.
Christine Bilgehaven
Well, he married a girl from the city, and when he brought her home, people just gas.
Oliver Anderson
It's a matter. Did you have two heads?
Christine Bilgehaven
Well, no, but she was a side. And they have three children now. And how. Oh, I know what I wanted to tell you. Remember that little dark girl, Irma Crumbs, who sat right behind you in the eighth grade?
Oliver Anderson
What was the matter with her?
Christine Bilgehaven
Oh, nothing. But I do remember that day the teacher sent you home to have your hair combed. Remember that?
Mary Anderson
Seems as though I do. I guess the wind had blown in
Christine Bilgehaven
and now Mrs. Buskirk begged you to curl it.
Mary Anderson
Well, yes, but remember, I was young then. Christine.
Junior Anderson
If you'll excuse me, Mama, I'll take the plates.
Oliver Anderson
All right, all right. Go ahead, Junior, but look out. Now, be quiet. You'll wake Roland.
Christine Bilgehaven
I hope you'll excuse Roland, but strangers seem to subdue his will to be exuberant.
Oliver Anderson
But look, don't you think he should take his chin out of the salad?
Christine Bilgehaven
Oh, my goodness. Roland. Roland, dear.
Roland Bilgehaven
Yes, darling, you're right.
Christine Bilgehaven
You're right. Roland. Roland, darling, please, your tie.
Roland Bilgehaven
Have I eaten yet?
Christine Bilgehaven
Not yet.
Roland Bilgehaven
Then why am I sitting here?
Christine Bilgehaven
Just be patient, dear. You've had a long, tired day. Mary, would you mind very much if Roland retired early?
Oliver Anderson
Of course not. If he can make it.
Roland Bilgehaven
I do seem to be sort of worn thin. Possibly I should tub and retire. Darling.
Mary Anderson
Oh, I'm so sorry. Oliver, come help me put Christine's things in their room.
Oliver Anderson
Oh.
Junior Anderson
Oh.
Oliver Anderson
Oh, sure, sure, sure. Oh, excuse me, folks. I'll be right back. Huh?
Christine Bilgehaven
Why don't you act like a human being, Roland?
Roland Bilgehaven
They bore me.
Christine Bilgehaven
What do you think they're doing to me? There isn't a hotel room in town.
Roland Bilgehaven
He's the type person I abhor.
Mary Anderson
Junior, what are you doing in our bedroom?
Junior Anderson
Oh, gee, I don't know. Mom and I. I know it isn't the thing as. But, gosh, I wish they'd never come.
Mary Anderson
Oh, come now, honey. Don't give it another thought.
Oliver Anderson
Ah, they don't worry us. Not a bit. What?
Junior Anderson
The thing she said about Mom.
Mary Anderson
She doesn't do it to be mean, darling. She's just reminiscing.
Junior Anderson
But surely you did something that was
Mary Anderson
all right when you were young.
Oliver Anderson
Sure. She married me.
Christine Bilgehaven
Yeah. Yeah.
Junior Anderson
She probably thinks that was a mistake, too. Pop.
Oliver Anderson
Yeah, I know. I wish I could put some cinders in their bed.
Christine Bilgehaven
Oliver, you don't know where we can
Junior Anderson
get some, do you?
Mary Anderson
Pop, I apologize.
Oliver Anderson
Please.
Mary Anderson
They'll hear you. Christine was always like this. I understand her.
Junior Anderson
Now, let's just all relax.
Oliver Anderson
I'm going to relax. But I'm also thinking of a way to bounce that gopher face.
Mary Anderson
Why, Oliver?
Oliver Anderson
Kid likes it now.
Mary Anderson
Her teeth aren't bad at all. Oliver.
Oliver Anderson
Her teeth aren't bad. Those teeth. She's the only woman I ever saw who could eat corn on a cob through a picket fence.
Junior Anderson
We should tell them that.
Oliver Anderson
Don't worry. I'll tell you what I'll do. I'll have him out of this house in an hour from now.
Liberty Mutual Spokesperson
And, Doug, there's nowhere I wouldn't go to help someone customize and save on car insurance with Liberty Mutual. Even if it means sitting front row at a comedy show.
Liberty Mutual Spokesperson's Friend
Hey, everyone. Check out this guy and his bird. What is this, your first date?
Liberty Mutual Spokesperson
Oh, no. We help people customize and save on car insurance with Liberty Mutual. Together we're married. Me to a human, him to a bird.
Liberty Mutual Spokesperson's Friend
Yeah, the bird looks out of your league.
Liberty Mutual Spokesperson
Anyways, only pay for what you need@libertymutual.com Liberty.
Liberty Mutual Spokesperson's Friend
Liberty. Liberty. Liberty.
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Narrator
And now back to the Anderson family. A girlfriend of Mary's has dropped in to see her. Mary is trying very hard to make an impression on her. So the report back in Mary's hometown will be a good one. Junior rather goes along with his father in disliking both the girl and her husband and has told Mary that he'd do what he can to send her on her way. Oliver isn't too sure of success because right now he's trying to talk Junior out of his upper bunk for the night.
Oliver Anderson
Look, there's nothing wrong with the back porch, Junior. You're young and healthy.
Junior Anderson
Well, it's pretty cold out there, Pop.
Oliver Anderson
That isn't the idea. Of course it's cold, but I'll see that you have a couple of extra blankets. Gee, look, just like camping out in the woods. Should be fun.
Junior Anderson
Mom says I don't get my rest out there.
Oliver Anderson
Well, you slept out there when your grandfather was here.
Junior Anderson
Well, sure, but it was summer then.
Christine Bilgehaven
And warm.
Oliver Anderson
Look, just get it out of your head that you're gonna talk me into sleeping out there. Huh?
Mary Anderson
Oliver, I put the bed clothes out on the back porch.
Oliver Anderson
Yeah, I know. I was just talking to Junior about it.
Mary Anderson
You're going to sleep out there, Oliver.
Oliver Anderson
Now wait just a minute. Not me.
Mary Anderson
But, darling, Junior must have eight hours of uninterrupted sleep.
Oliver Anderson
I don't care about that. I'm not sleeping on that back porch. Chapman's dog barks at six and wakes me up.
Junior Anderson
Oh, shucks. You don't have to worry about that. If you pull the covers over your
Christine Bilgehaven
head, you won't hear the dog.
Junior Anderson
Pop, that's the way I did.
Oliver Anderson
I don't care how you arranged it. I'm not sleeping on that porch. Put Roland out there.
Mary Anderson
Now, Isn't that lovely? You treat a guest that way.
Oliver Anderson
I don't like it.
Mary Anderson
I think the feeling's mutual.
Oliver Anderson
Why can't I just climb in with Junior for the night?
Junior Anderson
Well, gee, Pop, it'll hardly hold me.
Oliver Anderson
Honest, it's ridiculous. These bunk beds are built to hold grown people.
Mary Anderson
Well, there's not room, Oliver, but we'll make room.
Junior Anderson
But, Pop.
Oliver Anderson
Just tell your friends that I'm retiring.
Christine Bilgehaven
Oliver, I won't say it again.
Mary Anderson
You're sleeping on the back porch.
Oliver Anderson
Now, wait. Look, here's what I mean. I can get way back in the box, Ian. And when Junior gets out in the morning, he won't even wake me.
Mary Anderson
What are you doing, Oliver?
Oliver Anderson
I'll show you what I mean. Now, here, I'll get up there and show you what I mean.
Junior Anderson
You better use the ladder, Pop.
Christine Bilgehaven
Ladder?
Oliver Anderson
That's for sissies. Right. Up we go.
Christine Bilgehaven
Oh, you broke my bed around there like dummies.
J.J. Tuttle
Get the stuff off of me.
Junior Anderson
Get that in, Junior.
Christine Bilgehaven
Hurry.
Mary Anderson
Now lift.
Junior Anderson
Hey, Mom. Now where am I gonna sleep?
Christine Bilgehaven
Oh, I'm trippin with a go.
Junior Anderson
Fracturing.
Oliver Anderson
You're worried about where you're gonna sleep.
Mary Anderson
There. Now. Now get up, Oliver. Get up. Oh, I see the springs.
Christine Bilgehaven
Junior.
Mary Anderson
Lift that end up.
Junior Anderson
Okay, give me your hand, Mary.
Mary Anderson
Here.
Christine Bilgehaven
Now, up you come. Look how. Mom, you're falling. I saw him strike you, Mary.
J.J. Tuttle
You beast.
Narrator
Striking a woman.
Oliver Anderson
I didn't strike her. Now, get out of here.
Junior Anderson
No, Pop just fell through the bed.
Oliver Anderson
Get out of here.
Christine Bilgehaven
Here, Mary, darling, let me help you up. I'm sorry Roland saw all of this.
Roland Bilgehaven
Positively revolting.
Oliver Anderson
Now, look, I didn't strike her.
Christine Bilgehaven
I'd expect you to say that.
Mary Anderson
Oh, Christine, don't be ridiculous.
Roland Bilgehaven
Shall I strike him, Christine?
Christine Bilgehaven
No, Roland, don't bring yourself to his level.
Oliver Anderson
Look, get this fop out of here before I wind this bed post around his neck.
Christine Bilgehaven
Oh, I've never been so insulted in my life.
Oliver Anderson
Well, it's the first time, Roland.
Christine Bilgehaven
And control your temper.
Oliver Anderson
Well, you better listen to her, Roland. That's the first sensible thing she said today.
Mary Anderson
Now, look, Christine, this was an accident. There's no reason for this excitement. Just calm down and go out with Roland.
Oliver Anderson
I'll be right here.
Christine Bilgehaven
13 years with him and you can act calm.
Mary Anderson
I don't get it, Oliver Anderson. I've never been so humiliated in my life.
Oliver Anderson
You haven't? Who fell through the bed?
Junior Anderson
Yeah, that brings us up to sleeping again, Mom.
Oliver Anderson
All right, you and mom figured out I know where I can get a good night's sleep.
Mary Anderson
Now, Oliver, don't you go over to Meister's garage and disturb poor Mr. Tuttle.
Oliver Anderson
Listen, I'm gonna get a night's sleep regardless of who it disturbs. Tuttle. Hey, tuttle. Let me in. Tuttle.
J.J. Tuttle
Great caesar. Who is it?
Oliver Anderson
It's oliver anderson. Come on, open up. Come in, come in quickly.
J.J. Tuttle
The air is quite chilly.
Narrator
Careful.
J.J. Tuttle
And don't step in that oil on the floor.
Oliver Anderson
Oil? Don't tell me you're drilling for oil in here.
J.J. Tuttle
No, no, it's that peasant, Homer. He changed oil in the car and the pan leaked. Now, my boy, to what may I attribute this late call?
Oliver Anderson
Just wondering if it's for sleeping. For facilities over here.
J.J. Tuttle
Sleeping facilities?
Oliver Anderson
Yeah.
J.J. Tuttle
Good heavens, man, there's no room for more than one since Homer stored that old couch out here. Why do you ask?
Oliver Anderson
Oh, some school girlfriend of Mary's and her husband are using our beds for the night.
J.J. Tuttle
Ah, me? I know what you mean.
Oliver Anderson
Oh, do you?
J.J. Tuttle
I remember when Esther and I were first married.
Oliver Anderson
Esther? Ah, yes.
J.J. Tuttle
Esther was my second wife. His friends would drop in and stay. Finally I had to put me foot down. Poor Esther was so tired when she left for work each morning, I was afraid they would terminate her.
Oliver Anderson
Well, how'd you get rid of.
J.J. Tuttle
It's a very simple matter.
Oliver Anderson
Is it?
J.J. Tuttle
In fact, I'd rather do it for you than listen to your confounded snoring out here all night.
Oliver Anderson
You don't insult him, do you? Oh, no, no, no, of course not.
J.J. Tuttle
Just how good a friend is this school girl?
Oliver Anderson
I don't think she's a friend at all. Just remembers the bad things about Mary. Nothing good. Says she's gonna be a star in pictures.
J.J. Tuttle
Ah, just the type I love to play with as a cat, dog, a mouse.
Oliver Anderson
Mary won't stand for any rough stuff now, J.J. rough stuff?
J.J. Tuttle
That's medieval, Oliver. When I get through with them, they're on the train before they know it. You run on now and I'll be right with you.
Oliver Anderson
No, no, no. I'd rather you go back with.
J.J. Tuttle
Very well, but let me warn you, don't contradict the thing I say. India's what I'll do.
Oliver Anderson
All right, I'll go along.
J.J. Tuttle
I'll pretend to be a well known personality who just arrayed from the sea.
Christine Bilgehaven
Is that you, Oliver?
Oliver Anderson
Yeah. Mr. Tuttle's with me. Come on in, J.J. now let me handle this, Oliver. Go ahead. I'll follow you.
Mary Anderson
Mr. Tattle, I'd like to have you meet. Meet some friends of mine.
J.J. Tuttle
Well, well, happy indeed. But you have so Many friends.
Oliver Anderson
Mary, My dear, this Mr. And Mrs. Bilgehaven.
Roland Bilgehaven
Ah, how do you do?
Oliver Anderson
Captain Pleasantville over here.
J.J. Tuttle
Yes, and I assume you're strangers in our fair city.
Christine Bilgehaven
Yes, that's true. I'm going to be in pictures. Pictures?
J.J. Tuttle
How wonderful. However, I can perceive that you are a newcomer to. We call it the cinema.
Oliver Anderson
Cinema?
Christine Bilgehaven
That is yours. How wonderful.
Oliver Anderson
Sure, he is the old school.
Mary Anderson
J.J. why don't you sit down, Mr. Tle?
Oliver Anderson
Mary, J.J. does better when he's standing up. Go on, tell Christine more.
Christine Bilgehaven
J.J. my, and you call him J.J. sure.
J.J. Tuttle
Yes. My dear girl, we're old friends for a while. You know, Mary was rather perturbed with me for insisting she be the lead in my play Born in the Tulips. A Frederick H. Korn production.
Christine Bilgehaven
You mean Mary? Mary Anderson.
Oliver Anderson
My wife remembers Mr. Tupper.
J.J. Tuttle
Now don't be mad as Mary, my dear me? I can remember how I pleaded with Mary to take her test.
Christine Bilgehaven
Why, I can hardly believe it. Why, I remember Mary had such straight hair in school.
J.J. Tuttle
Straight hair? My Maya could name a dozen of my closest associates who started out life with straight hair.
Oliver Anderson
And now they're on straight salary.
Christine Bilgehaven
Yes, but Mr. Cuttle, Mary's skin was never very good.
Junior Anderson
I understand.
Christine Bilgehaven
You have to have a good skin.
Junior Anderson
A good skin?
J.J. Tuttle
My goodness. Ms. Bill Shaven. Mary here has what we call the CLE stimuli, short for camera skin. Sought after by many of our best producers.
Oliver Anderson
Roland, we aren't keeping you up, are we?
Roland Bilgehaven
I'm comfortable, thank you.
Mary Anderson
Well, maybe I should put on a little coffee. It isn't too late.
J.J. Tuttle
Coffee?
Roland Bilgehaven
Oh yes, yes, of course.
J.J. Tuttle
It would be splendid, Mary.
Mary Anderson
It won't take but a minute.
Christine Bilgehaven
I just can't understand it at all. Mr. Tuttle, the manager of the theater at home,
Liberty Mutual Spokesperson
and Doug. There's nowhere I wouldn't go to help someone customize and save on car insurance with Liberty Mutual. Even if it means sitting front row at a comedy show.
Liberty Mutual Spokesperson's Friend
Hey everyone. Check out this guy and his bird. What is this, your first date?
Liberty Mutual Spokesperson
Oh no. We help people customize and save on car insurance with Liberty Mutual together. We're married. Me to a human, him to a bird.
Liberty Mutual Spokesperson's Friend
Yeah, the bird looks out of your league anyways.
Liberty Mutual Spokesperson
Only pay for what you need@liberty.libertymutual.com Liberty.
Liberty Mutual Spokesperson's Friend
Liberty. Liberty. Liberty.
Event Announcer
Get ready to rev those engines. The 2026 Les Schwab classy chassis parade and car show is back in East Wenatchee, Washington. Kick things off Friday May 1st at 6pm for the big parade plus the after party with live music. Then join us on Saturday, May 2nd at 10:00am at the Eastmont Community park for the car show. It's two days of classic cars, food, music and free family fun for everyone. For all the details, visit eastwardancheewa.gov we'll see you there.
Christine Bilgehaven
Told me I had the perfect face and skin for pictures. And I was always the lead in our school plays.
J.J. Tuttle
My dear young lady, that is behind you. Forget it. Erase it from your mind and start over. What does your husband do?
Christine Bilgehaven
An assistant cashier at our bank at home.
Roland Bilgehaven
And a mighty good one.
J.J. Tuttle
And Milad? Are you happy here, Mr. Biljaven? I can answer that. You're the type who would never consent to be called the husband of that star. You have too much fire, my dear chap. Your personality scintillates. Too much determination in your makeup.
Roland Bilgehaven
I am somewhat tenacious.
Christine Bilgehaven
Then you think I am wasting my time, Mr. Tuttle.
J.J. Tuttle
But certainly not. We never know till we try, my dear. Some of my friends have tried for years. Homes have been broken up, lives have been thrown to the wolves. And how me heart aches when I see you two young people just starting out in life. It reminds me vest in the second way.
Oliver Anderson
JJ, show Christine what you mean by that kind of.
J.J. Tuttle
Scott.
Christine Bilgehaven
Oh, are you a dermatologist?
J.J. Tuttle
Well, I dabble in it a bit yet.
Oliver Anderson
You mean you've never heard of blister fix for tired feet? And that wonderful remedy, youth back.
Christine Bilgehaven
My. I hope you don't think I'm stupid, Mr. Tuttle.
J.J. Tuttle
Of course not, of course not. We all do foolish things when the bloom of youth rests lightly upon us.
Christine Bilgehaven
Then you think it's foolish for me to go on with my career?
Roland Bilgehaven
Let's go back home, Christine.
Oliver Anderson
Yeah, sure. Go home.
J.J. Tuttle
Ah, yes. Had I but the foresight, the vision which your husband possesses, Mrs. Bilgehaven, I would have made a success of my life. But for you it's not great.
Mary Anderson
Oh, it's terrible for me to be running out this way. The coffee will be ready in a couple of minutes.
J.J. Tuttle
Ah, Mary, step to the light a moment, my dear, please. Under the lamp.
Mary Anderson
Under the lamp. Why?
Oliver Anderson
Just to test it.
J.J. Tuttle
Yes, I would like to show Mrs. Bilgehaven what I mean.
Oliver Anderson
There, there. Now, now, now, chin up. Chin up, Mary. Come on.
Mary Anderson
Just a little bit to the left, please, Mary. All right.
J.J. Tuttle
Relax the facial muscles.
Oliver Anderson
Come on. Relax your face muscles, Mary. Come on.
Mary Anderson
Yes, that's.
Oliver Anderson
Hold it, hold it.
J.J. Tuttle
Just like that. Yes, yes. Now, Mrs. Bilshaven, come close, please. I'll show you what the expert looks for in a skill. Professional secrets.
Mary Anderson
Oh, this is so silly, gj.
J.J. Tuttle
Now you'll notice the closeness of the pores in Mary's skin. The lack of oily surfaces which catch the lights in the camera's eye. And notice, too, the texture of the hair. The stem, we call it. It's what we call versatile strength. Now, we take that hair and make it do anything we desire. Because of the chemical which we know in the trade as Scravinik.
Oliver Anderson
That's.
Christine Bilgehaven
I don't think I care to discuss it any further, Mr. Cutle.
Roland Bilgehaven
You don't have a chance. Christine. Let's go home.
J.J. Tuttle
Oh, my dear, I hope I haven't hurt your feelings. Some of the skins I inspect have pores which under the glass look like
Roland Bilgehaven
a slice of Swiss cheese. I abhor cheese.
Mary Anderson
Well, Mr. Tuttle, it's getting rather late now and I think.
Oliver Anderson
J.J. stand for coffee, Mary.
Roland Bilgehaven
There's a train at 11. Christine, let's get back.
Mary Anderson
Oh, no, no, please, Christine.
Oliver Anderson
I guess Roland knows what he wants to do, Mary.
Christine Bilgehaven
I think you're right, Roland.
J.J. Tuttle
It does my heart proud, Mr. Bilshaven, to see such fine family spirit. And in the years to come, I pray that you will think kindly of the old man who showed you the way to real happiness. Ah, me. I may even drop in at the bank in the future and pay a friendly call.
Oliver Anderson
He means when the bank's open, of course.
J.J. Tuttle
Oh, my, my, my. If you're going to catch that 11 o' clock train, you'd better hurry.
Roland Bilgehaven
Mr. Anderson. I started out hating you, Violin.
Oliver Anderson
That's all right. Everybody does that.
Roland Bilgehaven
But I certainly think Mary should be very happy to have found such an understanding person.
Oliver Anderson
You might mention that around town when you get home.
Christine Bilgehaven
Mary, dear, I owe this all to you. I'd have blindly staggered on, determined to be something which I could never, never be.
Oliver Anderson
Yeah, mention that too, around Pleasantville, will you?
Mary Anderson
Oliver, do you really have to go now? Christie.
Christine Bilgehaven
Yes, Mary. This has been a bad dream. I want to put it behind me. Roland and I were meant to stay at home.
J.J. Tuttle
Ah, me. Tis such wonderful people that this great country can well boast. And the best of luck to you both.
Roland Bilgehaven
You've shown us the way to real happiness. Together, Christine and I will work out our destiny at the bank. I at the cashier's window and Christine on the accounts receivable.
Oliver Anderson
Gee, it's quiet with them gone. Mary.
Mary Anderson
Oliver Anderson. I've never been so humiliated in all my life.
Oliver Anderson
Just a minute. How long do you think Roland would have stayed around and starved with. I don't know about Two weeks. Now they're home and happy. What else could you wish for but
Mary Anderson
the way it was done? Oliver? Oh, yes.
Oliver Anderson
An artist to his fingertips. You know, Mary, that Tuttle's a mighty handy fellow to have living around you now.
Mary Anderson
Maybe you're right, dear. Now, is everything taken care of for the night?
Oliver Anderson
Yeah. Oh, wait a minute. I better get Junior.
Mary Anderson
Junior? Why, of course. There's no need of his sleeping out there on that cold porch.
Oliver Anderson
I'll go get him. Barry.
Christine Bilgehaven
Yes.
Oliver Anderson
There's a note on his cot here.
Christine Bilgehaven
Huh?
Oliver Anderson
He's sleeping in Homer's garage tonight,
Christine Bilgehaven
Sam.
Narrator
The Anderson Family is written by Howard Swart, directed by by Herb Litton and features Dick Lane as Oliver, Louise Arthur as Mary, and Walter Tetley as Junior. Others in the cast were Jenny Johnson, Doug Young and George Peroni. Music by Gordon Kibby, sound effects by Ray Erlenborn and your announcer is Ken Peters. The Anderson Family is a Hollywood Broadcasters production. Transcribed from Hollywood.
Christine Bilgehaven
It.
Liberty Mutual Spokesperson
And Doug. There's nowhere I wouldn't go to help someone customize and save on car insurance with Liberty Mutual. Even if it means sitting front row at a comedy show.
Liberty Mutual Spokesperson's Friend
Hey, everyone. Check out this guy and his bird. What is this, your first date?
Liberty Mutual Spokesperson
Oh, no. We help people customize and save on car insurance with Liberty Mutual. Together we're married. Me to a human, him to a bird.
Liberty Mutual Spokesperson's Friend
Yeah, the bird looks out of your league.
Liberty Mutual Spokesperson
Anyways, only pay for what you need@liberty.libertymutual.com Liberty.
Liberty Mutual Spokesperson's Friend
Liberty. Liberty. Liberty.
Event Announcer
Get ready to rev those engines. The 2026 Les Schwab classy chassis parade and car show is back in East Wenatchee, Washington. Kick things off Friday, May 1st at 6:00pm for the Big parade plus the after party with live music. Then join us on Saturday, May 2nd at 10:00am at the Eastmont Community park for the car show. It's two days of classic cars, food, music and fun. Free family fun for everyone. For all the details, visit Eastwananchiwa.
Liberty Mutual Spokesperson
Go.
Event Announcer
We'll see you there.
This episode of "The Anderson Family" radio comedy features the chaos that ensues when Mary Anderson's old school friend, Christine, visits the family home with her new husband. Mary is determined to make a good impression, showcasing her family's happiness and success. However, tension, misunderstandings, and humorous mishaps soon expose the Andersons' reality, leading to comic relief and a valuable lesson about authenticity and self-acceptance.
[00:39–02:33]
[02:33–05:12]
[05:12–07:27]
[07:27–11:12]
[15:05–18:44]
[18:44–21:11]
[21:11–27:21]
[27:21–29:17]
[29:17–End]
The episode maintains a light, witty, and fast-paced comedic style, with affectionate ribbing between family members and caricatured portrayals of both Christine’s pretensions and Roland’s blandness. The banter is sharp, with classic sitcom misunderstandings and slapstick elements, all leading to gentle moralizing about being content with one's life and not pretending to be something you're not.
"Mary's Friend Visits" is a quintessential slice of mid-century family radio humor, with frantic preparations for an old friend's visit cascading into a farcical string of mishaps. The Andersons’ attempts to impress end in chaos, only for resourceful neighbor J.J. Tuttle to save the day with a clever ruse. The episode lands on the value of authenticity, returning to ordinary life with a sigh of relief—and a few good laughs at the misunderstandings that have passed.