Anderson Family - Marys Friend Visits

Summary

Harold's Old Time Radio

Episode: Anderson Family - Mary's Friend Visits

Date: April 1, 2026

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Episode Overview

This episode of "The Anderson Family" radio comedy features the chaos that ensues when Mary Anderson's old school friend, Christine, visits the family home with her new husband. Mary is determined to make a good impression, showcasing her family's happiness and success. However, tension, misunderstandings, and humorous mishaps soon expose the Andersons' reality, leading to comic relief and a valuable lesson about authenticity and self-acceptance.

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Key Discussion Points and Plot Highlights

1. The Upcoming Visit and Mary's Anxieties

[00:39–02:33]

• Mary receives a telegram from Christine, her old school friend, announcing a surprise visit with her husband, Roland.
• Determined to make a good impression, Mary fusses over the home and instructs Junior to help tidy up, aiming to present a picture-perfect family.
• Quote:
  Mary Anderson: “I have to make her think I'm happy. A nice home, lovely son, money in the bank.” (03:07)

2. Family Preparations and Tensions

[02:33–05:12]

• Oliver objects to the last-minute preparations and being roped into housework after a long day.
• Mary insists he help and meet Christine at the train station, not wanting to appear unsuccessful in front of her friend.
• Junior is bemused about why so much effort is going into impressing someone Mary hasn't seen for years.

3. The Guests Arrive

[05:12–07:27]

• At the train station, Oliver and Junior meet Christine, who is eager and somewhat theatrical, and her less enthusiastic husband, Roland.
• Humorous first impressions highlight Christine’s personality and Oliver’s skepticism.
• Quote:
  Oliver Anderson: “All we have to do is look for teeth and hair. All right, you look for the hair and I'll watch.” (05:17)

4. Awkward Introductions and Dinner

[07:27–11:12]

• Christine boasts of her ambitions to become a movie star and her connections at the local theater, with skepticism simmering among the Andersons.
• Dinner is a parade of small disasters: Roland is listless and not interested in food or conversation. Awkward reminiscences about school days further embarrass Mary.
• Quotes:
  Roland Bilgehaven: “Because I love Christine with a love that is deeper than the deepest ocean.” (07:34)
  Oliver Anderson: “Of course, it wears off a little later on.” (07:42)
• Roland’s lack of enthusiasm and the family’s forced courtesy heighten the tension.

5. Bedroom Mishaps and Increasing Frustration

[15:05–18:44]

• Arguments break out over sleeping arrangements, with Oliver and Junior both trying to avoid the cold back porch.
• A comic fiasco occurs when Oliver tries to climb into the bunk bed, resulting in it collapsing and further embarrassing the family in front of their guests.
• Quote:
  Oliver Anderson: “Her teeth aren't bad. Those teeth. She's the only woman I ever saw who could eat corn on a cob through a picket fence.” (13:09)

6. Seeking Help and The Plan to Send the Guests Packing

[18:44–21:11]

• Frustrated, Oliver seeks help from neighbor J.J. Tuttle, who claims he's skilled at diplomatically encouraging unwanted guests to leave.
• Tuttle hatches a plan to subtly undermine Christine’s Hollywood aspirations and gently nudge the guests out.

7. Tuttle’s Act and The Turning Point

[21:11–27:21]

• Tuttle delivers an exaggerated account of Mary’s own (fictional) movie screen potential, using lofty, playful jargon to impress and dissuade Christine.
• Roland, already homesick and unimpressed by the visit, becomes convinced they should return home.
• Quote:
  J.J. Tuttle: “Mary here has what we call the CLE stimuli, short for camera skin. Sought after by many of our best producers.” (22:40)

8. The Guests Decide to Leave

[27:21–29:17]

• Christine and Roland accept that Hollywood is not for them and resolve to return joyfully to their life in their hometown.
• The Andersons, especially Oliver, are relieved to have their house back.
• Quote:
  Roland Bilgehaven: “You've shown us the way to real happiness. Together, Christine and I will work out our destiny at the bank. I at the cashier's window and Christine on the accounts receivable.” (29:17)

9. Epilogue and Reflections

[29:17–End]

• With the guests gone, peace returns, but Mary is still embarrassed by the evening's antics.
• Oliver is satisfied, crediting J.J. Tuttle for deftly resolving the situation. Junior, meanwhile, took matters into his own hands and slept elsewhere for the night.
• Quote:
  Mary Anderson: "Now, is everything taken care of for the night?"
  Oliver Anderson: "Yeah. Oh, wait a minute. I better get Junior." (29:36)

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Notable Quotes and Memorable Moments

• Mary Anderson: “Don't give it another thought. They don't worry us. Not a bit.” (12:27)
• Oliver Anderson: “I'm also thinking of a way to bounce that gopher face.” (12:59)
• J.J. Tuttle: “Some of the skins I inspect have pores which under the glass look like a slice of Swiss cheese.” (27:34)
  Roland Bilgehaven: “I abhor cheese.” (27:41)
• Christine Bilgehaven: “This has been a bad dream. I want to put it behind me. Roland and I were meant to stay at home.” (28:44)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• Mary preps the family for Christine's visit: [00:39–03:15]
• Awkward welcome at the train station: [05:12–06:49]
• Dinner and reminiscences: [09:25–11:12]
• Bedroom/bunk bed fiasco: [15:05–18:44]
• Tuttle implements his plan: [21:11–27:21]
• Guests resolve to leave: [27:27–29:17]
• Family reflects and final notes: [29:17–29:48]

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Tone and Style

The episode maintains a light, witty, and fast-paced comedic style, with affectionate ribbing between family members and caricatured portrayals of both Christine’s pretensions and Roland’s blandness. The banter is sharp, with classic sitcom misunderstandings and slapstick elements, all leading to gentle moralizing about being content with one's life and not pretending to be something you're not.

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Summary

"Mary's Friend Visits" is a quintessential slice of mid-century family radio humor, with frantic preparations for an old friend's visit cascading into a farcical string of mishaps. The Andersons’ attempts to impress end in chaos, only for resourceful neighbor J.J. Tuttle to save the day with a clever ruse. The episode lands on the value of authenticity, returning to ordinary life with a sigh of relief—and a few good laughs at the misunderstandings that have passed.

Transcript

[Liberty Mutual Spokesperson]

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[Liberty Mutual Spokesperson's Friend]

Hey, everyone, check out this guy and his bird. What is this, your first date?

[Liberty Mutual Spokesperson]

Oh, no. We help people customize and save on car insurance with Liberty Mutual together. We're married. Me to a human, him to a bird.

[Liberty Mutual Spokesperson's Friend]

Yeah, the bird looks out of your league anyways.

[Liberty Mutual Spokesperson]

Only pay for what you [e-mail] Liberty.

[Liberty Mutual Spokesperson's Friend]

Liberty. Liberty. Liberty.

[Narrator]

The Anderson family.

[Mary Anderson]

Now, Oliver, when Christine arrives this afternoon, please help me. She's an old school girl friend.

[Oliver Anderson]

How long is she going to stay?

[Mary Anderson]

I have no idea. Probably only a few minutes.

[Oliver Anderson]

Is that the babe who's trying to get into pictures?

[Christine Bilgehaven]

Yes.

[Mary Anderson]

She's just been married, so please be careful how you talk to them.

[Oliver Anderson]

I don't think I'm even going to

[Mary Anderson]

talk to them, Oliver. Christine would just love to go home and tell everyone I married a stoop.

[Roland Bilgehaven]

A stoop?

[Christine Bilgehaven]

What's a stoop?

[Junior Anderson]

Mom?

[Oliver Anderson]

Quiet. Okay, I'll show em how a stoop really acts.

[Mary Anderson]

No, please, Oliver.

[Oliver Anderson]

Spying on you so they can report I'm a stoop?

[Mary Anderson]

They didn't say that.

[Oliver Anderson]

Well, they intend to, according to you.

[Junior Anderson]

Uh oh, here we go again, folks.

[Christine Bilgehaven]

Sa.

[Narrator]

Now let's visit the Anderson family. Well, this whole thing started when Mary received a wire that a school day girlfriend is going to drop in on

[Oliver Anderson]

her for a short visit.

[Narrator]

The young lady is bringing her new husband with her. And needless to say, Mary is determined to make a good impression.

[Mary Anderson]

Hurry now, Junior, get all the papers off the back porch and then come in and help mother move this chair over the worn place and the rug.

[Junior Anderson]

Gee, mom, is this a visit or an event? Gosh, why don't you act like you always do?

[Mary Anderson]

Because when you have company, Junior, you have to exert yourself a bit to make their visit pleasant.

[Junior Anderson]

Well, if you haven't seen her for years, why do you care, Mom?

[Mary Anderson]

Well, because I do. Now run on and get your work done.

[Junior Anderson]

Mom, that's kind of cheating. She'll think we're always like this.

[Mary Anderson]

Oh, you just don't understand, Junior. I have to make her think I'm happy. A nice home, lovely son, money in the bank.

[Junior Anderson]

Is Pop gonna meet him, too?

[Mary Anderson]

Oh, I wish you wouldn't bring that up. Now I have enough to worry about. Run on. Your father will be here any minute.

[Junior Anderson]

Call me when Pop gets home. I want to see this.

[Mary Anderson]

Oh, I suppose the door is locked.

[Oliver Anderson]

Hi, heart Club. It's Mr. Anderson.

[Mary Anderson]

Well, I'm sorry you're so late.

[Oliver Anderson]

Oh, I stopped over and talked a few minutes with J.J. tuttle. There's a new remedy he's gonna make called youth bath.

[Mary Anderson]

Well, tell me about it some other time. And take hold of the other end of this radio.

[Oliver Anderson]

Now, wait. I've worked all day. We can do this housework Saturday.

[Mary Anderson]

He can do no such thing. Oliver. Here, read this wire.

[Oliver Anderson]

Now, wait. Your father wasn't here.

[Mary Anderson]

Only it's not Father.

[Oliver Anderson]

Oh. Arriving on eight o' clock train. We'll be thrilled to see you bringing Roland with me.

[J.J. Tuttle]

Christine.

[Mary Anderson]

Christine Johnson went to school with her. You wouldn't know her.

[Oliver Anderson]

You mean she's just barging in with no notice?

[Mary Anderson]

Well, the only thing that counts is she's arriving at 8. You have 20 minutes to meet the train.

[Oliver Anderson]

Why don't I take the newlyweds to a hotel?

[Mary Anderson]

Oliver Anderson.

[Christine Bilgehaven]

I'm about frantic as it is.

[Mary Anderson]

You can't treat people like they weren't welcome. I'm not? Well, I should think you try to help instead of having it all fall on my shoulders.

[Oliver Anderson]

Now, wait, honey. Calm down.

[Mary Anderson]

I want her to think I married well. I want her to feel that she isn't the only one who made a success of her life.

[Oliver Anderson]

Aw, come on, honey. Why pretend?

[J.J. Tuttle]

Let's just be normal.

[Mary Anderson]

Oliver Anderson. I'll not have her go back to Pleasantville and talk about me. She never did like me very well, and I know why she's coming here.

[Oliver Anderson]

Well, I'll meet the train and tell her we've moved.

[Mary Anderson]

No, you'll do as I ask. You meet the train, be pleasant, make her feel welcome. I do so want the people back home to know how happy I am.

[Oliver Anderson]

Okay, honey, you can count on me. Now, you go ahead. I'll take Junior down to the train with me. We're bound to see him sooner or later anyhow.

[Junior Anderson]

They come in this day, Pop. Mom said she was a blonde and rather prominent frontier.

[Oliver Anderson]

All we have to do is look for teeth and hair. All right, you look for the hair and I'll watch.

[Junior Anderson]

I think this is the lady, Pop, coming over toward this post.

[Oliver Anderson]

Blonde hair, prominent teeth. Brother, she isn't kidding. Oh, hello there. Is this Christine?

[Christine Bilgehaven]

Oh, you're Mr. Anderson. I would have known it in a moment. Just like Mary wrote, only a little older.

[Oliver Anderson]

This is Junior, Mary's boy.

[Junior Anderson]

I've heard so many nice things about you.

[Christine Bilgehaven]

Oh, you darling. Looks just like his mother.

[Oliver Anderson]

Oh, a little, yes. Shall I take your bags?

[Christine Bilgehaven]

No, Roland will bring them. Oh, excuse me. Mr. Anderson, this is Roland Bilge. Haven't my husband.

[Oliver Anderson]

Oh, hello there, Roland.

[Christine Bilgehaven]

Put your hat back on your head, Roland. This man is not a producer.

[Roland Bilgehaven]

Oh. Oh, I'm happy to make your acquaintance, I think.

[Christine Bilgehaven]

Well, shall we go?

[Oliver Anderson]

Well, just don't. I mean, you bet, you bet, you bet, you bet. Mary can't wait till she sees you. He's thrilled to death.

[Junior Anderson]

May I carry one of those grips for you, sir?

[Roland Bilgehaven]

Oh, of course. Here, take this one.

[Oliver Anderson]

Junior meant the little one, mister.

[Roland Bilgehaven]

Very well.

[Oliver Anderson]

Does riding on trains make Roland ill?

[Christine Bilgehaven]

Oh, no. He's ridden on them before. But he hates to call on people he doesn't know, that's all.

[Oliver Anderson]

Roland and I should get along fine.

[Junior Anderson]

Our car is over here. Mother's waiting for him.

[Christine Bilgehaven]

Just think, 13 years since I've seen Mary. I wonder if she still has straight hair.

[Mary Anderson]

Christine, darling, how are you? Let me look at you.

[Christine Bilgehaven]

Hello, dear. I'm so happy I could cry.

[Mary Anderson]

Oh, do put your things over there and come on in the other room.

[Christine Bilgehaven]

I don't know what to tell you first, Mary.

[Oliver Anderson]

What about rolling there?

[Christine Bilgehaven]

Oh, yes, of course. I'm not used to having a husband. This is Roland Bilshaven. Mary, my husband. How nice.

[Mary Anderson]

How do you do?

[Christine Bilgehaven]

Roland is assistant teller at the Farmer's bank over in Springville. And he gave up his career to bring me here. Oh. Are you going to locate out here, Christy? Oh, yes, of course. I have a letter from Mr. Webber there at the Bijou Theater, which will give me a few starring roles and pictures.

[Junior Anderson]

Gee, are you going to be a movie star?

[Christine Bilgehaven]

You can just bet I am. And nothing is going to stop me.

[Oliver Anderson]

That's the spirit. How do you feel about it, Roland?

[Roland Bilgehaven]

I suppose it'll be boring, but I'll go through with it. Because I love Christine with a love that is deeper than the deepest ocean.

[Oliver Anderson]

I like to see that in a man, Roland. Of course, it wears off a little later on.

[Christine Bilgehaven]

Yes, I guess that sort of thing could become monotonous.

[Mary Anderson]

Roland, Will you have a cigarette, Roland?

[Roland Bilgehaven]

I don't smoke.

[Christine Bilgehaven]

Roland neither smokes, drinks or plays cards.

[Oliver Anderson]

You cook, Roland?

[Roland Bilgehaven]

I abhor the kitchen.

[Mary Anderson]

Oliver, dear, will you help Junior get dressed for dinner?

[Oliver Anderson]

Help him? Oh, my God. Sure. Of course. Excuse me, folks. Come on, Junior.

[Christine Bilgehaven]

Yeah.

[Junior Anderson]

Excuse me.

[Christine Bilgehaven]

Of course we will. You run right along.

[Junior Anderson]

Why did mom want you to help me dress for dinner?

[Oliver Anderson]

I'm probably afraid I'd raise my voice to Rollin.

[Junior Anderson]

Well, what shall I wear for dinner? This is something new.

[Oliver Anderson]

Just change your shirt and comb your hair.

[Junior Anderson]

I always do that.

[Oliver Anderson]

Well, do it again. Did you get that remark about her going to be picture star?

[Junior Anderson]

Well, yeah, but she has a letter, Pop.

[Oliver Anderson]

Yeah. Listen, your mother could give her 10 minutes. Start in the powder room and make Christine look like the back row of a burlesque chorus.

[Junior Anderson]

Well, gee, Pop, like Mom says, you're not showing the right attitude.

[Oliver Anderson]

Never mind my attitude. If she didn't go home and tell all Mary's friends how I acted, I'd really make her visit a nightmare.

[Christine Bilgehaven]

How are you coming, darling?

[Mary Anderson]

Well, Oliver Anderson, if you don't hurry, I'll scream.

[Junior Anderson]

We'll be right there, Mama.

[Oliver Anderson]

Don't worry, honey. I'll pass the stuff to Christine first.

[Mary Anderson]

Oh, and the husband makes me so nervous.

[Oliver Anderson]

Oh, come now. In 10 minutes I'll have meeting out of your hand or else on his way to the railroad station.

[Mary Anderson]

Oliver, dear, will you bring the soup?

[Oliver Anderson]

Right away, Mary.

[Christine Bilgehaven]

My, you've a perfectly trained husband, Mary. Does he always help this way?

[Mary Anderson]

Well, he does now, but it took a lot of patience on my part.

[Christine Bilgehaven]

I do hope Roland will cooperate.

[Oliver Anderson]

Excuse me, Christine. It's hot.

[Christine Bilgehaven]

Oh, my goodness, I should say it is.

[Oliver Anderson]

And you, Roland?

[Roland Bilgehaven]

What kind of sort?

[Oliver Anderson]

Split pea.

[Roland Bilgehaven]

I don't eat it.

[Oliver Anderson]

Not either. These peas are different. They're split sideways.

[Mary Anderson]

Junior, please, you're spilling your milk.

[Roland Bilgehaven]

I don't care for any, thank you.

[Oliver Anderson]

Okay, Mary, thanks. How about you, Junior?

[Junior Anderson]

Oh, yes, thank you.

[Oliver Anderson]

We'll spend a few minutes with the soup. But there's more coming. You just read the paper, Rollin.

[Roland Bilgehaven]

Thank you.

[Oliver Anderson]

Comics are on page 11.

[Christine Bilgehaven]

Roland, dear, you're not yourself. You're generally so quick with witty answers.

[Roland Bilgehaven]

Please leave me be. Christine, don't nag.

[Christine Bilgehaven]

Oh, Mary, I must tell you. Remember Creeper Christiansen, the boy with six fingers?

[Mary Anderson]

Vaguely, yes.

[Christine Bilgehaven]

Well, he married a girl from the city, and when he brought her home, people just gas.

[Oliver Anderson]

It's a matter. Did you have two heads?

[Christine Bilgehaven]

Well, no, but she was a side. And they have three children now. And how. Oh, I know what I wanted to tell you. Remember that little dark girl, Irma Crumbs, who sat right behind you in the eighth grade?

[Oliver Anderson]

What was the matter with her?

[Christine Bilgehaven]

Oh, nothing. But I do remember that day the teacher sent you home to have your hair combed. Remember that?

[Mary Anderson]

Seems as though I do. I guess the wind had blown in

[Christine Bilgehaven]

and now Mrs. Buskirk begged you to curl it.

[Mary Anderson]

Well, yes, but remember, I was young then. Christine.

[Junior Anderson]

If you'll excuse me, Mama, I'll take the plates.

[Oliver Anderson]

All right, all right. Go ahead, Junior, but look out. Now, be quiet. You'll wake Roland.

[Christine Bilgehaven]

I hope you'll excuse Roland, but strangers seem to subdue his will to be exuberant.

[Oliver Anderson]

But look, don't you think he should take his chin out of the salad?

[Christine Bilgehaven]

Oh, my goodness. Roland. Roland, dear.

[Roland Bilgehaven]

Yes, darling, you're right.

[Christine Bilgehaven]

You're right. Roland. Roland, darling, please, your tie.

[Roland Bilgehaven]

Have I eaten yet?

[Christine Bilgehaven]

Not yet.

[Roland Bilgehaven]

Then why am I sitting here?

[Christine Bilgehaven]

Just be patient, dear. You've had a long, tired day. Mary, would you mind very much if Roland retired early?

[Oliver Anderson]

Of course not. If he can make it.

[Roland Bilgehaven]

I do seem to be sort of worn thin. Possibly I should tub and retire. Darling.

[Mary Anderson]

Oh, I'm so sorry. Oliver, come help me put Christine's things in their room.

[Oliver Anderson]

Oh.

[Junior Anderson]

Oh.

[Oliver Anderson]

Oh, sure, sure, sure. Oh, excuse me, folks. I'll be right back. Huh?

[Christine Bilgehaven]

Why don't you act like a human being, Roland?

[Roland Bilgehaven]

They bore me.

[Christine Bilgehaven]

What do you think they're doing to me? There isn't a hotel room in town.

[Roland Bilgehaven]

He's the type person I abhor.

[Mary Anderson]

Junior, what are you doing in our bedroom?

[Junior Anderson]

Oh, gee, I don't know. Mom and I. I know it isn't the thing as. But, gosh, I wish they'd never come.

[Mary Anderson]

Oh, come now, honey. Don't give it another thought.

[Oliver Anderson]

Ah, they don't worry us. Not a bit. What?

[Junior Anderson]

The thing she said about Mom.

[Mary Anderson]

She doesn't do it to be mean, darling. She's just reminiscing.

[Junior Anderson]

But surely you did something that was

[Mary Anderson]

all right when you were young.

[Oliver Anderson]

Sure. She married me.

[Christine Bilgehaven]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Junior Anderson]

She probably thinks that was a mistake, too. Pop.

[Oliver Anderson]

Yeah, I know. I wish I could put some cinders in their bed.

[Christine Bilgehaven]

Oliver, you don't know where we can

[Junior Anderson]

get some, do you?

[Mary Anderson]

Pop, I apologize.

[Oliver Anderson]

Please.

[Mary Anderson]

They'll hear you. Christine was always like this. I understand her.

[Junior Anderson]

Now, let's just all relax.

[Oliver Anderson]

I'm going to relax. But I'm also thinking of a way to bounce that gopher face.

[Mary Anderson]

Why, Oliver?

[Oliver Anderson]

Kid likes it now.

[Mary Anderson]

Her teeth aren't bad at all. Oliver.

[Oliver Anderson]

Her teeth aren't bad. Those teeth. She's the only woman I ever saw who could eat corn on a cob through a picket fence.

[Junior Anderson]

We should tell them that.

[Oliver Anderson]

Don't worry. I'll tell you what I'll do. I'll have him out of this house in an hour from now.

[Liberty Mutual Spokesperson]

And, Doug, there's nowhere I wouldn't go to help someone customize and save on car insurance with Liberty Mutual. Even if it means sitting front row at a comedy show.

[Liberty Mutual Spokesperson's Friend]

Hey, everyone. Check out this guy and his bird. What is this, your first date?

[Liberty Mutual Spokesperson]

Oh, no. We help people customize and save on car insurance with Liberty Mutual. Together we're married. Me to a human, him to a bird.

[Liberty Mutual Spokesperson's Friend]

Yeah, the bird looks out of your league.

[Liberty Mutual Spokesperson]

Anyways, only pay for what you [e-mail] Liberty.

[Liberty Mutual Spokesperson's Friend]

Liberty. Liberty. Liberty.

[Event Announcer]

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[Narrator]

And now back to the Anderson family. A girlfriend of Mary's has dropped in to see her. Mary is trying very hard to make an impression on her. So the report back in Mary's hometown will be a good one. Junior rather goes along with his father in disliking both the girl and her husband and has told Mary that he'd do what he can to send her on her way. Oliver isn't too sure of success because right now he's trying to talk Junior out of his upper bunk for the night.

[Oliver Anderson]

Look, there's nothing wrong with the back porch, Junior. You're young and healthy.

[Junior Anderson]

Well, it's pretty cold out there, Pop.

[Oliver Anderson]

That isn't the idea. Of course it's cold, but I'll see that you have a couple of extra blankets. Gee, look, just like camping out in the woods. Should be fun.

[Junior Anderson]

Mom says I don't get my rest out there.

[Oliver Anderson]

Well, you slept out there when your grandfather was here.

[Junior Anderson]

Well, sure, but it was summer then.

[Christine Bilgehaven]

And warm.

[Oliver Anderson]

Look, just get it out of your head that you're gonna talk me into sleeping out there. Huh?

[Mary Anderson]

Oliver, I put the bed clothes out on the back porch.

[Oliver Anderson]

Yeah, I know. I was just talking to Junior about it.

[Mary Anderson]

You're going to sleep out there, Oliver.

[Oliver Anderson]

Now wait just a minute. Not me.

[Mary Anderson]

But, darling, Junior must have eight hours of uninterrupted sleep.

[Oliver Anderson]

I don't care about that. I'm not sleeping on that back porch. Chapman's dog barks at six and wakes me up.

[Junior Anderson]

Oh, shucks. You don't have to worry about that. If you pull the covers over your

[Christine Bilgehaven]

head, you won't hear the dog.

[Junior Anderson]

Pop, that's the way I did.

[Oliver Anderson]

I don't care how you arranged it. I'm not sleeping on that porch. Put Roland out there.

[Mary Anderson]

Now, Isn't that lovely? You treat a guest that way.

[Oliver Anderson]

I don't like it.

[Mary Anderson]

I think the feeling's mutual.

[Oliver Anderson]

Why can't I just climb in with Junior for the night?

[Junior Anderson]

Well, gee, Pop, it'll hardly hold me.

[Oliver Anderson]

Honest, it's ridiculous. These bunk beds are built to hold grown people.

[Mary Anderson]

Well, there's not room, Oliver, but we'll make room.

[Junior Anderson]

But, Pop.

[Oliver Anderson]

Just tell your friends that I'm retiring.

[Christine Bilgehaven]

Oliver, I won't say it again.

[Mary Anderson]

You're sleeping on the back porch.

[Oliver Anderson]

Now, wait. Look, here's what I mean. I can get way back in the box, Ian. And when Junior gets out in the morning, he won't even wake me.

[Mary Anderson]

What are you doing, Oliver?

[Oliver Anderson]

I'll show you what I mean. Now, here, I'll get up there and show you what I mean.

[Junior Anderson]

You better use the ladder, Pop.

[Christine Bilgehaven]

Ladder?

[Oliver Anderson]

That's for sissies. Right. Up we go.

[Christine Bilgehaven]

Oh, you broke my bed around there like dummies.

[J.J. Tuttle]

Get the stuff off of me.

[Junior Anderson]

Get that in, Junior.

[Christine Bilgehaven]

Hurry.

[Mary Anderson]

Now lift.

[Junior Anderson]

Hey, Mom. Now where am I gonna sleep?

[Christine Bilgehaven]

Oh, I'm trippin with a go.

[Junior Anderson]

Fracturing.

[Oliver Anderson]

You're worried about where you're gonna sleep.

[Mary Anderson]

There. Now. Now get up, Oliver. Get up. Oh, I see the springs.

[Christine Bilgehaven]

Junior.

[Mary Anderson]

Lift that end up.

[Junior Anderson]

Okay, give me your hand, Mary.

[Mary Anderson]

Here.

[Christine Bilgehaven]

Now, up you come. Look how. Mom, you're falling. I saw him strike you, Mary.

[J.J. Tuttle]

You beast.

[Narrator]

Striking a woman.

[Oliver Anderson]

I didn't strike her. Now, get out of here.

[Junior Anderson]

No, Pop just fell through the bed.

[Oliver Anderson]

Get out of here.

[Christine Bilgehaven]

Here, Mary, darling, let me help you up. I'm sorry Roland saw all of this.

[Roland Bilgehaven]

Positively revolting.

[Oliver Anderson]

Now, look, I didn't strike her.

[Christine Bilgehaven]

I'd expect you to say that.

[Mary Anderson]

Oh, Christine, don't be ridiculous.

[Roland Bilgehaven]

Shall I strike him, Christine?

[Christine Bilgehaven]

No, Roland, don't bring yourself to his level.

[Oliver Anderson]

Look, get this fop out of here before I wind this bed post around his neck.

[Christine Bilgehaven]

Oh, I've never been so insulted in my life.

[Oliver Anderson]

Well, it's the first time, Roland.

[Christine Bilgehaven]

And control your temper.

[Oliver Anderson]

Well, you better listen to her, Roland. That's the first sensible thing she said today.

[Mary Anderson]

Now, look, Christine, this was an accident. There's no reason for this excitement. Just calm down and go out with Roland.

[Oliver Anderson]

I'll be right here.

[Christine Bilgehaven]

13 years with him and you can act calm.

[Mary Anderson]

I don't get it, Oliver Anderson. I've never been so humiliated in my life.

[Oliver Anderson]

You haven't? Who fell through the bed?

[Junior Anderson]

Yeah, that brings us up to sleeping again, Mom.

[Oliver Anderson]

All right, you and mom figured out I know where I can get a good night's sleep.

[Mary Anderson]

Now, Oliver, don't you go over to Meister's garage and disturb poor Mr. Tuttle.

[Oliver Anderson]

Listen, I'm gonna get a night's sleep regardless of who it disturbs. Tuttle. Hey, tuttle. Let me in. Tuttle.

[J.J. Tuttle]

Great caesar. Who is it?

[Oliver Anderson]

It's oliver anderson. Come on, open up. Come in, come in quickly.

[J.J. Tuttle]

The air is quite chilly.

[Narrator]

Careful.

[J.J. Tuttle]

And don't step in that oil on the floor.

[Oliver Anderson]

Oil? Don't tell me you're drilling for oil in here.

[J.J. Tuttle]

No, no, it's that peasant, Homer. He changed oil in the car and the pan leaked. Now, my boy, to what may I attribute this late call?

[Oliver Anderson]

Just wondering if it's for sleeping. For facilities over here.

[J.J. Tuttle]

Sleeping facilities?

[Oliver Anderson]

Yeah.

[J.J. Tuttle]

Good heavens, man, there's no room for more than one since Homer stored that old couch out here. Why do you ask?

[Oliver Anderson]

Oh, some school girlfriend of Mary's and her husband are using our beds for the night.

[J.J. Tuttle]

Ah, me? I know what you mean.

[Oliver Anderson]

Oh, do you?

[J.J. Tuttle]

I remember when Esther and I were first married.

[Oliver Anderson]

Esther? Ah, yes.

[J.J. Tuttle]

Esther was my second wife. His friends would drop in and stay. Finally I had to put me foot down. Poor Esther was so tired when she left for work each morning, I was afraid they would terminate her.

[Oliver Anderson]

Well, how'd you get rid of.

[J.J. Tuttle]

It's a very simple matter.

[Oliver Anderson]

Is it?

[J.J. Tuttle]

In fact, I'd rather do it for you than listen to your confounded snoring out here all night.

[Oliver Anderson]

You don't insult him, do you? Oh, no, no, no, of course not.

[J.J. Tuttle]

Just how good a friend is this school girl?

[Oliver Anderson]

I don't think she's a friend at all. Just remembers the bad things about Mary. Nothing good. Says she's gonna be a star in pictures.

[J.J. Tuttle]

Ah, just the type I love to play with as a cat, dog, a mouse.

[Oliver Anderson]

Mary won't stand for any rough stuff now, J.J. rough stuff?

[J.J. Tuttle]

That's medieval, Oliver. When I get through with them, they're on the train before they know it. You run on now and I'll be right with you.

[Oliver Anderson]

No, no, no. I'd rather you go back with.

[J.J. Tuttle]

Very well, but let me warn you, don't contradict the thing I say. India's what I'll do.

[Oliver Anderson]

All right, I'll go along.

[J.J. Tuttle]

I'll pretend to be a well known personality who just arrayed from the sea.

[Christine Bilgehaven]

Is that you, Oliver?

[Oliver Anderson]

Yeah. Mr. Tuttle's with me. Come on in, J.J. now let me handle this, Oliver. Go ahead. I'll follow you.

[Mary Anderson]

Mr. Tattle, I'd like to have you meet. Meet some friends of mine.

[J.J. Tuttle]

Well, well, happy indeed. But you have so Many friends.

[Oliver Anderson]

Mary, My dear, this Mr. And Mrs. Bilgehaven.

[Roland Bilgehaven]

Ah, how do you do?

[Oliver Anderson]

Captain Pleasantville over here.

[J.J. Tuttle]

Yes, and I assume you're strangers in our fair city.

[Christine Bilgehaven]

Yes, that's true. I'm going to be in pictures. Pictures?

[J.J. Tuttle]

How wonderful. However, I can perceive that you are a newcomer to. We call it the cinema.

[Oliver Anderson]

Cinema?

[Christine Bilgehaven]

That is yours. How wonderful.

[Oliver Anderson]

Sure, he is the old school.

[Mary Anderson]

J.J. why don't you sit down, Mr. Tle?

[Oliver Anderson]

Mary, J.J. does better when he's standing up. Go on, tell Christine more.

[Christine Bilgehaven]

J.J. my, and you call him J.J. sure.

[J.J. Tuttle]

Yes. My dear girl, we're old friends for a while. You know, Mary was rather perturbed with me for insisting she be the lead in my play Born in the Tulips. A Frederick H. Korn production.

[Christine Bilgehaven]

You mean Mary? Mary Anderson.

[Oliver Anderson]

My wife remembers Mr. Tupper.

[J.J. Tuttle]

Now don't be mad as Mary, my dear me? I can remember how I pleaded with Mary to take her test.

[Christine Bilgehaven]

Why, I can hardly believe it. Why, I remember Mary had such straight hair in school.

[J.J. Tuttle]

Straight hair? My Maya could name a dozen of my closest associates who started out life with straight hair.

[Oliver Anderson]

And now they're on straight salary.

[Christine Bilgehaven]

Yes, but Mr. Cuttle, Mary's skin was never very good.

[Junior Anderson]

I understand.

[Christine Bilgehaven]

You have to have a good skin.

[Junior Anderson]

A good skin?

[J.J. Tuttle]

My goodness. Ms. Bill Shaven. Mary here has what we call the CLE stimuli, short for camera skin. Sought after by many of our best producers.

[Oliver Anderson]

Roland, we aren't keeping you up, are we?

[Roland Bilgehaven]

I'm comfortable, thank you.

[Mary Anderson]

Well, maybe I should put on a little coffee. It isn't too late.

[J.J. Tuttle]

Coffee?

[Roland Bilgehaven]

Oh yes, yes, of course.

[J.J. Tuttle]

It would be splendid, Mary.

[Mary Anderson]

It won't take but a minute.

[Christine Bilgehaven]

I just can't understand it at all. Mr. Tuttle, the manager of the theater at home,

[Liberty Mutual Spokesperson]

and Doug. There's nowhere I wouldn't go to help someone customize and save on car insurance with Liberty Mutual. Even if it means sitting front row at a comedy show.

[Liberty Mutual Spokesperson's Friend]

Hey everyone. Check out this guy and his bird. What is this, your first date?

[Liberty Mutual Spokesperson]

Oh no. We help people customize and save on car insurance with Liberty Mutual together. We're married. Me to a human, him to a bird.

[Liberty Mutual Spokesperson's Friend]

Yeah, the bird looks out of your league anyways.

[Liberty Mutual Spokesperson]

Only pay for what you [e-mail] Liberty.

[Liberty Mutual Spokesperson's Friend]

Liberty. Liberty. Liberty.

[Event Announcer]

Get ready to rev those engines. The 2026 Les Schwab classy chassis parade and car show is back in East Wenatchee, Washington. Kick things off Friday May 1st at 6pm for the big parade plus the after party with live music. Then join us on Saturday, May 2nd at 10:00am at the Eastmont Community park for the car show. It's two days of classic cars, food, music and free family fun for everyone. For all the details, visit eastwardancheewa.gov we'll see you there.

[Christine Bilgehaven]

Told me I had the perfect face and skin for pictures. And I was always the lead in our school plays.

[J.J. Tuttle]

My dear young lady, that is behind you. Forget it. Erase it from your mind and start over. What does your husband do?

[Christine Bilgehaven]

An assistant cashier at our bank at home.

[Roland Bilgehaven]

And a mighty good one.

[J.J. Tuttle]

And Milad? Are you happy here, Mr. Biljaven? I can answer that. You're the type who would never consent to be called the husband of that star. You have too much fire, my dear chap. Your personality scintillates. Too much determination in your makeup.

[Roland Bilgehaven]

I am somewhat tenacious.

[Christine Bilgehaven]

Then you think I am wasting my time, Mr. Tuttle.

[J.J. Tuttle]

But certainly not. We never know till we try, my dear. Some of my friends have tried for years. Homes have been broken up, lives have been thrown to the wolves. And how me heart aches when I see you two young people just starting out in life. It reminds me vest in the second way.

[Oliver Anderson]

JJ, show Christine what you mean by that kind of.

[J.J. Tuttle]

Scott.

[Christine Bilgehaven]

Oh, are you a dermatologist?

[J.J. Tuttle]

Well, I dabble in it a bit yet.

[Oliver Anderson]

You mean you've never heard of blister fix for tired feet? And that wonderful remedy, youth back.

[Christine Bilgehaven]

My. I hope you don't think I'm stupid, Mr. Tuttle.

[J.J. Tuttle]

Of course not, of course not. We all do foolish things when the bloom of youth rests lightly upon us.

[Christine Bilgehaven]

Then you think it's foolish for me to go on with my career?

[Roland Bilgehaven]

Let's go back home, Christine.

[Oliver Anderson]

Yeah, sure. Go home.

[J.J. Tuttle]

Ah, yes. Had I but the foresight, the vision which your husband possesses, Mrs. Bilgehaven, I would have made a success of my life. But for you it's not great.

[Mary Anderson]

Oh, it's terrible for me to be running out this way. The coffee will be ready in a couple of minutes.

[J.J. Tuttle]

Ah, Mary, step to the light a moment, my dear, please. Under the lamp.

[Mary Anderson]

Under the lamp. Why?

[Oliver Anderson]

Just to test it.

[J.J. Tuttle]

Yes, I would like to show Mrs. Bilgehaven what I mean.

[Oliver Anderson]

There, there. Now, now, now, chin up. Chin up, Mary. Come on.

[Mary Anderson]

Just a little bit to the left, please, Mary. All right.

[J.J. Tuttle]

Relax the facial muscles.

[Oliver Anderson]

Come on. Relax your face muscles, Mary. Come on.

[Mary Anderson]

Yes, that's.

[Oliver Anderson]

Hold it, hold it.

[J.J. Tuttle]

Just like that. Yes, yes. Now, Mrs. Bilshaven, come close, please. I'll show you what the expert looks for in a skill. Professional secrets.

[Mary Anderson]

Oh, this is so silly, gj.

[J.J. Tuttle]

Now you'll notice the closeness of the pores in Mary's skin. The lack of oily surfaces which catch the lights in the camera's eye. And notice, too, the texture of the hair. The stem, we call it. It's what we call versatile strength. Now, we take that hair and make it do anything we desire. Because of the chemical which we know in the trade as Scravinik.

[Oliver Anderson]

That's.

[Christine Bilgehaven]

I don't think I care to discuss it any further, Mr. Cutle.

[Roland Bilgehaven]

You don't have a chance. Christine. Let's go home.

[J.J. Tuttle]

Oh, my dear, I hope I haven't hurt your feelings. Some of the skins I inspect have pores which under the glass look like

[Roland Bilgehaven]

a slice of Swiss cheese. I abhor cheese.

[Mary Anderson]

Well, Mr. Tuttle, it's getting rather late now and I think.

[Oliver Anderson]

J.J. stand for coffee, Mary.

[Roland Bilgehaven]

There's a train at 11. Christine, let's get back.

[Mary Anderson]

Oh, no, no, please, Christine.

[Oliver Anderson]

I guess Roland knows what he wants to do, Mary.

[Christine Bilgehaven]

I think you're right, Roland.

[J.J. Tuttle]

It does my heart proud, Mr. Bilshaven, to see such fine family spirit. And in the years to come, I pray that you will think kindly of the old man who showed you the way to real happiness. Ah, me. I may even drop in at the bank in the future and pay a friendly call.

[Oliver Anderson]

He means when the bank's open, of course.

[J.J. Tuttle]

Oh, my, my, my. If you're going to catch that 11 o' clock train, you'd better hurry.

[Roland Bilgehaven]

Mr. Anderson. I started out hating you, Violin.

[Oliver Anderson]

That's all right. Everybody does that.

[Roland Bilgehaven]

But I certainly think Mary should be very happy to have found such an understanding person.

[Oliver Anderson]

You might mention that around town when you get home.

[Christine Bilgehaven]

Mary, dear, I owe this all to you. I'd have blindly staggered on, determined to be something which I could never, never be.

[Oliver Anderson]

Yeah, mention that too, around Pleasantville, will you?

[Mary Anderson]

Oliver, do you really have to go now? Christie.

[Christine Bilgehaven]

Yes, Mary. This has been a bad dream. I want to put it behind me. Roland and I were meant to stay at home.

[J.J. Tuttle]

Ah, me. Tis such wonderful people that this great country can well boast. And the best of luck to you both.

[Roland Bilgehaven]

You've shown us the way to real happiness. Together, Christine and I will work out our destiny at the bank. I at the cashier's window and Christine on the accounts receivable.

[Oliver Anderson]

Gee, it's quiet with them gone. Mary.

[Mary Anderson]

Oliver Anderson. I've never been so humiliated in all my life.

[Oliver Anderson]

Just a minute. How long do you think Roland would have stayed around and starved with. I don't know about Two weeks. Now they're home and happy. What else could you wish for but

[Mary Anderson]

the way it was done? Oliver? Oh, yes.

[Oliver Anderson]

An artist to his fingertips. You know, Mary, that Tuttle's a mighty handy fellow to have living around you now.

[Mary Anderson]

Maybe you're right, dear. Now, is everything taken care of for the night?

[Oliver Anderson]

Yeah. Oh, wait a minute. I better get Junior.

[Mary Anderson]

Junior? Why, of course. There's no need of his sleeping out there on that cold porch.

[Oliver Anderson]

I'll go get him. Barry.

[Christine Bilgehaven]

Yes.

[Oliver Anderson]

There's a note on his cot here.

[Christine Bilgehaven]

Huh?

[Oliver Anderson]

He's sleeping in Homer's garage tonight,

[Christine Bilgehaven]

Sam.

[Narrator]

The Anderson Family is written by Howard Swart, directed by by Herb Litton and features Dick Lane as Oliver, Louise Arthur as Mary, and Walter Tetley as Junior. Others in the cast were Jenny Johnson, Doug Young and George Peroni. Music by Gordon Kibby, sound effects by Ray Erlenborn and your announcer is Ken Peters. The Anderson Family is a Hollywood Broadcasters production. Transcribed from Hollywood.

[Christine Bilgehaven]

It.

[Liberty Mutual Spokesperson]

And Doug. There's nowhere I wouldn't go to help someone customize and save on car insurance with Liberty Mutual. Even if it means sitting front row at a comedy show.

[Liberty Mutual Spokesperson's Friend]

Hey, everyone. Check out this guy and his bird. What is this, your first date?

[Liberty Mutual Spokesperson]

Oh, no. We help people customize and save on car insurance with Liberty Mutual. Together we're married. Me to a human, him to a bird.

[Liberty Mutual Spokesperson's Friend]

Yeah, the bird looks out of your league.

[Liberty Mutual Spokesperson]

Anyways, only pay for what you [e-mail] Liberty.

[Liberty Mutual Spokesperson's Friend]

Liberty. Liberty. Liberty.

[Event Announcer]

Get ready to rev those engines. The 2026 Les Schwab classy chassis parade and car show is back in East Wenatchee, Washington. Kick things off Friday, May 1st at 6:00pm for the Big parade plus the after party with live music. Then join us on Saturday, May 2nd at 10:00am at the Eastmont Community park for the car show. It's two days of classic cars, food, music and fun. Free family fun for everyone. For all the details, visit Eastwananchiwa.

[Liberty Mutual Spokesperson]

Go.

[Event Announcer]

We'll see you there.