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Mary Anderson
K Pop Demon Hunters Saja Boys Breakfast Meal and Hunt Tricks Meal have just dropped at McDonald's. They're calling this a battle for the fans. What do you say to that, roomie? It's not a battle. So glad the Saja boys could take breakfast and give our meal the rest of the day.
Oliver Anderson
It is an honor to share.
Junior Anderson
No, it's our honor.
Oliver Anderson
It is our larger honor.
Mr. Good
No, really, stop.
Mary Anderson
You can really feel the respect in this battle. Pick a meal to pick a side.
Oliver Anderson
Ba da ba ba ba. And participate in McDonald's while supplies last.
Narrator
The Anderson family.
Oliver Anderson
Now wait a minute, Chapman. You don't hold a football that way at all.
Mr. Chapman
You're telling me how to kick one of those things? Stand back. And no lift, Anderson.
Mary Anderson
Let Mr. Chapman have it.
Oliver Anderson
Oliver, you're not gonna kick it on the lacings and break it.
Mr. Chapman
Who ain't gonna kick what football? On what laces?
Junior Anderson
You might puncture it.
Mary Anderson
Mr. Chapman, let me have the ball.
Mr. Chapman
Stand back, Anderson. I might miss the ball. And kick where you're not looking.
Junior Anderson
Uh oh, here we go again.
Oliver Anderson
F it,
Mr. Chapman
Sam.
Narrator
Now let's visit the Anderson family. Well, this whole thing started when Junior Anderson accidentally spoiled a football belonging to Butch Chapman. Butch's father, in no uncertain terms, insisted Oliver replace the football and have it by 6 o' clock this evening. Or else. Oliver knows what the or else means and is discussing it right this minute with Junior.
Oliver Anderson
I can't understand, Junior, why you had to destroy butcher's football when you have two of your own.
Junior Anderson
I don't have two like that one, Pop. Mine are just those little cheap kinds. Butcher's cost $11.
Oliver Anderson
$11? Why, I won't pay it.
Mary Anderson
But you agreed to replace it, Oliver, and Junior told Butch you would.
Oliver Anderson
I'm not agreeing to pay $11. I'll repair it first.
Junior Anderson
It can't be repaired, Pop. When I went through the glass, it got all cut up.
Oliver Anderson
There's no reason. Through what glass?
Junior Anderson
Well, I was going to tell you, but I forgot.
Mary Anderson
I guess it's the glass in Mr. Delancey's greenhouse, Oliver.
Oliver Anderson
Oh, that's different. Delancey's greenhouse? How did that happen?
Junior Anderson
The wind took its pop and it curved right around. And then we heard the crash.
Mary Anderson
But it's all straightened out now, Oliver. There's no need to keep this thing going any longer. It's done. There's nothing we can do about it now.
Oliver Anderson
Oh, Mary, that's just carelessness. And as long as Junior did it, he can pay for the broken window.
Mary Anderson
Windows, Oliver, it seems there Were several of them.
Oliver Anderson
I won't pay it. I didn't do it and I won't pay.
Mary Anderson
Maybe this is Mr. DeLancey.
Oliver Anderson
Now, Junior, run on out. I may have to get tough with delancey.
Mary Anderson
Oh, it's Mr. Chapman. Won't you come in?
Mr. Chapman
Yeah, thanks. Where's Anderson?
Mary Anderson
Right in here, Mr. Chapman.
Mr. Chapman
Thanks. You're sure a lady, Mrs. Anderson. It must be boring for you around this house.
Oliver Anderson
Oh, hello there, Chapman. Come in.
Mr. Chapman
I am in, bud, and I want to have a little talk with you. Maybe you should Leave the room, Mrs. Anderson.
Mary Anderson
Leave the room. Oh, come now, Mr. Chapman.
Oliver Anderson
Is something wrong, Chappie?
Mr. Chapman
It's something wrong. He asked me nothing that 11 bucks won't remedy.
Mary Anderson
Oh, the football.
Mr. Chapman
That's right.
Oliver Anderson
Well, I don't like your attitude, Chapman.
Mr. Chapman
Well, my general behavior ain't at stake, Anderson. I won 11 bucks when I left the house. I told Butch I'd come home with 11 bucks, but. Or a new football.
Oliver Anderson
Oh, well, look, I'll get another football for Butch when I go downtown today. Is that okay?
Mr. Chapman
Not just a football, Anderson, but a genuine 2Z Schiller professional model, nothing else.
Mary Anderson
Is there a difference in football?
Mr. Chapman
Decidedly so, Mrs. Anderson. And I won't settle for nothing but a 2Z Sheller professional model.
Oliver Anderson
Well, suppose I can't find one.
Mr. Chapman
Look, let's not delve into future catastrophes. Anderson, you look around until you do find one, okay?
Oliver Anderson
Now, look, Chapman, let's analyze the thing.
Mr. Chapman
Analyze?
Oliver Anderson
That means take a thing apart.
Mr. Chapman
Oh, I'd love that. I'd been thinking about it ever since Butch told me about this.
Oliver Anderson
Yeah, well, what I meant was. Now, look, if Butch hadn't been there with the football, Junior wouldn't have kicked it, right?
Mr. Chapman
Well, yeah, I guess so.
Oliver Anderson
And if the wind hadn't carried it, everything would have been all right. While I'm pointing out is this, there are lots of factors which complicate this.
Mr. Chapman
Look, Anderson, I'm willing to listen to a certain amount of this dribble. But in the end, I won 11 bucks. Or a 2D Schiller model football. Is that the way it works out with you?
Oliver Anderson
Uh, yes. Yes, I guess you're correct. I always do the right thing. Now, you have a football coming, and you'll get it.
Mr. Chapman
I don't like the way you're referring to a 2Z Schiller professional model as just a football.
Mary Anderson
Well, why doesn't Oliver just shop around today and buy one? That's the point in question, isn't it, Mr. Chancellor?
Mr. Chapman
Yeah, that's right. Mrs.
Oliver Anderson
I think that's fair. Now, Chapman, I'm quite surprised you'd act this way.
Mr. Chapman
Eh?
Oliver Anderson
You've always been a very fine neighbor.
Mr. Chapman
I have?
Oliver Anderson
Yes, you have. We've been very proud of the work you did on our plumbing.
Mr. Chapman
Well, I try to do good work.
Oliver Anderson
And I know you're upset or you wouldn't act this way.
Mr. Chapman
Hey, yeah, I guess I am a bit upset.
Oliver Anderson
I'd hate to have you do anything which would make people lose that high respect they have for you.
Mary Anderson
Excuse me, Oliver, but you'll be late for work.
Oliver Anderson
Well, I just wanted to mention what a warm friendship Chapman, I have had in the past. The time I towed your car for three blocks.
Mr. Chapman
Yeah, yeah, you did at that, Oliver.
Oliver Anderson
Then the time I loaned you a saw and you brought it back with 10 teeth out of it.
Mr. Chapman
That was 30, Anderson. I'm ashamed. But I didn't know the fort had a nail in it.
Oliver Anderson
That's all right, pal. Did I run over to your house and want to beat you up? No, I said.
Mary Anderson
Oh, she was an act of the time, Oliver.
Oliver Anderson
Yeah, I know.
Mr. Chapman
Anderson, look, I'm ashamed.
Oliver Anderson
No, chap.
Mr. Good
No, no, no.
Mr. Chapman
I'm all wrong. I don't know what makes me do this thing.
Oliver Anderson
Oh, well, I know you're upset.
Mr. Chapman
It was little Butcher's football.
Oliver Anderson
Yeah, Fine little fella. Well, maybe we can work this thing out so we're both happy.
Mr. Chapman
I sure hope so. This little talk I've had with you has learnt me a lesson, Anderson.
Oliver Anderson
Now, that's fine. And we'll have no more trouble, will we, Chapman?
Mr. Chapman
Well, not if you bring home a 2Z shell of professional model football, we won't.
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Alex Canceroitz
Hi, this is Alex Canceroitz. I'm the host of Big Technology Podcast, a longtime reporter and an on air contributor to cnbc. And if you're like me, you're trying to figure out how artificial intelligence is changing the business world and our lives. So each week on Big Technology, I bring on key actors from companies building AI tech and outsiders trying to influence it. Asking where this is all going. They come from places like Envision, Nvidia, Microsoft, Amazon and plenty more. So if you want to be smart with your wallet, your career choices, in meetings with your colleagues and at dinner parties, listen to big technology podcast wherever you get your podcasts.
Oliver Anderson
I think they have a two dash Z sheller football here, Mary.
Mary Anderson
I'm sure they have, Oliver. This is the most complete department store in town.
Oliver Anderson
I wonder if we should disturb this gentleman over here with a wilted carnation or just hunt for the football ourselves.
Mary Anderson
Oh, now, don't start off the trip that way, Oliver. Of course, of course he'd be happy to help. That's what he paid for.
Mr. Good
You won't resent it then, Silly.
Mary Anderson
Pardon me. I'm looking for a football.
Mr. Good
Oh, how interesting. What position do you play?
Homer
Position?
Oliver Anderson
Well, now, look, she started out as a substitute, but now she's a guard. And I might add, the end.
Mr. Good
I'm sure there must be humor in that remark somewhere, sir.
Oliver Anderson
Don't bother.
Mr. Good
I fail to see it. Football, you say?
Mary Anderson
That's right. Do you have any?
Mr. Good
Why, yes, I believe we do. Several of them.
Oliver Anderson
Two Jazzy Shell, a professional.
Mr. Good
Who told you we had one of those?
Mary Anderson
No one. We just asked.
Mr. Good
There must be a leak in the organization.
Oliver Anderson
Mean a leak or a drip?
Mr. Good
I'm ignoring that, sir. However, I will tell you that we have just one 2Z Schiller Professional. But you can't buy it.
Mary Anderson
Can't buy it?
Mr. Good
That's right. I am reserving that one for myself. Me, Mr. Norman Oswald. Good.
Oliver Anderson
Look, we're customers.
Mr. Good
That has nothing to do with it. But you might drop up to the third floor and ask if they have any other models of football.
Mary Anderson
I'm sorry, but we'll have to buy a 2Z Schiller Professional Football.
Mr. Good
Does much depend on that particular purchase?
Mary Anderson
I should say it does, doesn't it?
Oliver Anderson
Oliver, let's not go into detail on this. Let's go up there and have a girl browse around the merchandise and maybe she can find something. And thank you, Mr. Brood.
Mr. Good
It's not brewed. It's g o o d gooed er. That is good.
Oliver Anderson
Oh. Oh, well, I think. Okay, Mary, it's three and footballs. Now you kind of saunter around over there through the drapes and let me have a moment alone with this sales guy.
Mary Anderson
How interesting.
Oliver Anderson
Okay, now, forget the humor. Have to get this football by fair means or foul.
Mary Anderson
Good luck, darling. But remember, I'm watching you.
Oliver Anderson
I'll remember that. Pardon me? What you said nothing. I Just wanted to inquire about a football. But I didn't stop to think that such a beautiful girl probably doesn't sell footballs.
Junior Anderson
Yeah, you're just saying that.
Mary Anderson
I'll bet.
Oliver Anderson
No, no, I'm not. I'm serious. I'll have to congratulate Joe on his choice of employees.
Junior Anderson
Joe? Joe who?
Oliver Anderson
Joe Westerling, the owner of the store. Joe and I are like that.
Junior Anderson
You know, the owner. Gee, maybe you can put in a good word for me.
Oliver Anderson
I'm sure I can.
Junior Anderson
I only talked to him once. He was so kind and nice. He said I was indescribable, imbecilic and. And wait till you get this. He said I was obnoxious.
Homer
He did?
Oliver Anderson
Well, then you can see what he thinks of you already.
Junior Anderson
And I think he's wonderful, too.
Oliver Anderson
Yes. Now, there's a football in your department. A Z.2Z Schiller, professional model, I think it is. And it's all wrapped up.
Junior Anderson
He. How did you know? You must be a friend of Joe.
Oliver Anderson
Well, I'd like to look at it. The football.
Junior Anderson
It's right under the counter here. I saw it a few minutes ago. Oh, here it is. Oh, but see, mister, I don't want to sell a friend of yours, I mean, Mr. Westerling, a football that ain't no good.
Oliver Anderson
No good?
Junior Anderson
That's what it says here. See? N O G, O O D. No good.
Oliver Anderson
No, no, that's all right. I don't like the person I'm giving it to anyhow. I'm glad it isn't any good. Just wrap it up.
Junior Anderson
All right, if you say so. Now, let me see. $11.
Oliver Anderson
Here it is, bladder.
Junior Anderson
350.
Oliver Anderson
You mean that's extra?
Junior Anderson
50 cents for laces and. Do you want this gift wrapped, or will you take it with you?
Oliver Anderson
No, no, just mail it. No. Pardon me. I'm a little upset, I guess. No, I'll just take it with me. And right now, please.
Junior Anderson
There you are. Remember, it's not returnable. I'll write it right on your sales slip.
Oliver Anderson
That's all right with me.
Junior Anderson
And if you see Joe again, I mean Mr. Wetterling, you might say something
Oliver Anderson
about me you can depend on.
Junior Anderson
Gee, were you ever lucky, Pop. Wait a minute.
Mary Anderson
Huh? What's wrong, Junior?
Junior Anderson
Look, mom, it says no good on the wrapper. Aw, gee, Pop, they hooked you again.
Oliver Anderson
No one hooked me. I hooked them. That isn't no good. It's N o good. That's a man's name and a girl didn't do it.
Mary Anderson
Oh, now, Oliver, that's not fair. Take it back.
Oliver Anderson
Not me. Slip says it's not returnable.
Mary Anderson
But it's not fair, Oliver. Mr. Goode told you he had that football laid away for himself.
Oliver Anderson
Yeah, well, it's been sold, honey.
Junior Anderson
Jeepers, Pop, you're really shocked.
Mary Anderson
I won't be a party to this, Oliver.
Oliver Anderson
I can't see why.
Junior Anderson
Mr. Chapman has called twice to see if he got home yet.
Oliver Anderson
You see, why. Why take it back and compromise me?
Mary Anderson
It's the honest thing to do, is all.
Junior Anderson
Gee, mom, they're hard to get.
Oliver Anderson
Of course they are.
Mary Anderson
Take it back.
Mr. Chapman
No.
Oliver Anderson
I'll call Chapman and tell him to come and get his football.
Mary Anderson
It's not fair to Mr. Good, Oliver.
Oliver Anderson
Let Goode be on his toes then, not on mine.
Mr. Chapman
Chapman speaking. Contracting the cement. White. Chapman speaking. We ain't got any.
Oliver Anderson
This is Oliver Anderson.
Mr. Chapman
We still ain't got who?
Oliver Anderson
Oliver Anderson.
Mr. Chapman
Oh, yeah, Anderson. Where's that football?
Oliver Anderson
I got one.
Mr. Chapman
I'm sure glad at that. It saved me a nasty job.
Oliver Anderson
Now just calm down and come and get it.
Mr. Chapman
I'll be right over. And brother, it better be a two dank d shill of professional football.
Junior Anderson
You see, mom, you go on being kind to everyone and being fair. What does it get you?
Oliver Anderson
Junior's right. I bought the football and it's mine. Gee, Chaplin isn't kidding when he says he's the fastest plumber in town. You get it, Mary.
Mary Anderson
I still think you're wrong, Oliver. Oh, Mr. Good, come in.
Mr. Good
Yes, indeed, I'll come in. Where's that. That football thief?
Mary Anderson
Now, just a moment, Mr. Good.
Mr. Good
I'll not be thwarted in my determination to retrieve that football. My dear lady, where is that man?
Homer
Oh.
Oliver Anderson
Oh, hello there, Mr. Good.
Mr. Good
We shall eliminate the niceties, my good fellow. I'm determined to get that football.
Oliver Anderson
I paid for it.
Mr. Good
It had my name on it.
Mary Anderson
Oliver, dear, I think it would very.
Mr. Chapman
Please.
Oliver Anderson
Okay, Mr. Good, I'll show you the sales slip. Now. There. Right there. It's written, not returnable.
Mr. Good
I shall not go to the hospital without that football.
Oliver Anderson
If you reach for it, you will.
Mr. Good
Brother Oliver, stop this.
Mary Anderson
You know it's Mr. Good. Football.
Oliver Anderson
I'll fight for this football.
Mary Anderson
That's the old spirit.
Oliver Anderson
Now, you stay out of this.
Mr. Good
And don't think I won't fight for it, sir. I'll not go to the hospital without it.
Mary Anderson
Oliver, give me that football, please.
Oliver Anderson
Oh, well, here.
Mary Anderson
That's fine. Now, Mr. Good, if you'll refund the money, you may have the football that rightfully belongs to you.
Mr. Good
Thank you, madam, I'll reimburse you this moment. I shall never forget your kindness.
Oliver Anderson
Oh, fine thing you tried, Pop.
Mary Anderson
You mentioned taking it to the hospital.
Mr. Good
Oh, my goodness, I almost forgot. I hope I'm not too late. I must get there on time.
Mary Anderson
Taking it to the hospital, darling? Maybe he has a boy like Junior lying in a bed there just waiting for that football.
Oliver Anderson
Yeah, I guess I was kind of wrong. Poor kid.
Mary Anderson
Don't you feel better about it now, Oliver?
Oliver Anderson
I guess so. You're right, of course, I don't want
Junior Anderson
to make you feel worse, pop, but Mr. Chapman is coming up the walk, and he ain't smiling.
Narrator
And now back to the Anderson family. Oliver Anderson bought a football to replace one Junior had broken. But unfortunately, Oliver had bought the football in a rather unorthodox manner and had to return it. Now all he has to do is either avoid or face the irate Mr. Chapman, who at this moment is coming up the front walk.
Oliver Anderson
Now, look, Mary, tell him I've stepped out. And you won't be lying, because I'm leaving right now. I'll be over at Homermeister's garage. But don't tell Chapman.
Mary Anderson
This is no way to handle this, Oliver.
Oliver Anderson
Now, let's not argue about the right
Homer
and wrong of it.
Oliver Anderson
I'll have to have time to think.
Mary Anderson
Oh, Junior, you go to the door.
Junior Anderson
I'm not afraid, Mom. He likes me. Oh, gee, this is a surprise. Come on in, Mr. Chapman.
Mr. Chapman
Come in? Why, yeah. Junior. Much obliged.
Mary Anderson
Oh, well, it's Mr. Chapman. Sit down, won't you?
Mr. Chapman
Thanks. Where's Anderson?
Junior Anderson
He's out.
Mr. Chapman
Oh, out, eh? Where's the football?
Mary Anderson
Football? Why, the football?
Mr. Chapman
Yeah, yeah, he called me and told me to come and get it. He wasn't lying, was he?
Mary Anderson
Oh, no. He had the football.
Mr. Chapman
Oh, he had it, eh? You mean he ain't got it now?
Junior Anderson
Well, I'm sorry, Mr. Chapman, but the man wanted to take it to the hospital.
Mr. Chapman
Oh, the man wanted to. Say, what is this double talk? What hospital?
Mary Anderson
Well, Oliver bought one, but it really belonged to another man, and the man came and got it back. He had to take it to the hospital?
Junior Anderson
Yeah. I think maybe his little boy was hurt or something.
Mr. Chapman
Hey, you mean his kid was hurt?
Mary Anderson
Well, he mentioned he had to take the football to the hospital. So it must be a little boy.
Mr. Chapman
Well, kid. And Anderson let him take it?
Mary Anderson
Why, yes. What could Oliver do?
Mr. Chapman
Gee, I admire the jerk for that. You know, there must be some good in Anderson, and this proves it.
Junior Anderson
Oh, he's a swell guy when you get to know him, Mr. Chapman.
Mr. Chapman
Gee, poor kid. Lying there in a hospital. Maybe run over or something. Gee, I gotta hand it to Anderson. I'd have done the same thing. And think I acted like a heel.
Mary Anderson
Oh, now, Mr. Chapman, you were within your right.
Mr. Chapman
No, no, I'm just no good. I'm always shooting off my big mouth. Look, tell Anderson to forget about the football. He don't owe me nothing.
Mary Anderson
But I'm sure he intends to find another ball.
Mr. Chapman
No, no, I don't want it and Butch don't want it. And I'm apologizing for acting like I did.
Mary Anderson
That's very nice of you, Mr. Chapman. And I know Oliver will be happy to hear of it when he gets home.
Mr. Chapman
I'd sure like to see him.
Mary Anderson
I'll tell him. Then he could talk to you.
Mr. Good
Okay.
Mr. Chapman
Any way you say, Mrs. Anderson. Well, gee, I feel a lot better now about Anderson. Gee, giving up a football to some poor kid lying in a hospital.
Oliver Anderson
Hey, hey, have you seen Chapman leave yet, Homer?
Homer
No. No, there is a sign of him.
Oliver Anderson
Well, maybe I should face him, have it out with him.
Homer
It must be a better and safer way. Oliver, in my younger days, I used to swing a mean fist. Yep, even as late as last year. Yeah. Had a bruise and fight with a pretty tough hombre, Belcher, down at the real estate office. Yeah.
Oliver Anderson
Belcher. Why, he's 65 years old.
Homer
He ain't no such thing. That's what he wants people to believe. He's just 62, and I know it.
Oliver Anderson
And you fought with him, Homer?
Homer
Yep, yep, I led him on, just like a cat leading a mouse. But he was a coward and he wouldn't fight at first.
Oliver Anderson
Oh, no, not old man Belcher.
Homer
Yep, yep. I circled around him looking for an opening, and finally I found one.
Oliver Anderson
Through the back door.
Homer
Through the back door? No, no, twa'n't no such thing.
Oliver Anderson
Now, look, this isn't helping me. And suppose you and I go right up to Chapman's door.
Homer
Suppose just you go up to. I didn't break no football, did it?
Oliver Anderson
Well, you're my friend, aren't you?
Homer
Well, yes. Yes, I be, Oliver. But I've been having trouble with Marthy over that same thing. Fighting? Yep. And he can't afford to carry it no further. I see.
Oliver Anderson
Well, I still have to face it. Delancy, too. I owe him for some windows out of his greenhouse.
Homer
Well, well, now you're talking. If you want him pushed around a bit, well, that's different.
Oliver Anderson
Now, wait a minute. He's an old man.
Homer
That's the Kind I push around here.
Oliver Anderson
No, no, no. Never mind. I'll take care of my own problem.
Homer
He's leaving. Chapman's leaving? Yep.
Oliver Anderson
Well, look, suppose I stop him and have it out with him. He'll see you standing there.
Homer
He ain't seeing me standing there. No, sir. Not me.
Oliver Anderson
No. Okay, then I'll let it go for a day or two.
Homer
Yep, I guess that's the best way. Once I had a run in with Marthy's Paul.
Oliver Anderson
Yeah, you told me.
Homer
And he come right at me. Of course, I was younger then and didn't stare easy.
Oliver Anderson
Look, I've heard that twice. You ran under a wagon and he chased you and hit his head on a whipple tree. Right.
Homer
Hit his head on a whiff. Yep. Yep, that's right.
Oliver Anderson
I thought so. Now, look, I'm going over and find out just what I'd better do about this Chapman.
Junior Anderson
Come on in, Pop. I guess everything's going to be all right.
Oliver Anderson
All right? How do you mean?
Junior Anderson
He's sorry.
Oliver Anderson
What about losing the football?
Junior Anderson
No, about the kid in the hospital.
Mr. Chapman
Oh.
Mary Anderson
What's going on out here? Oh, you.
Oliver Anderson
Yeah. Junior says Chapman's all right.
Mary Anderson
He is? I think he acted very much the gentleman.
Oliver Anderson
How do you mean?
Mary Anderson
Well, he said to forget the football.
Oliver Anderson
Oh, yeah, he wants me to forget it so he can go around and say I don't pay my debt.
Mary Anderson
You're just making that up, Oliver.
Oliver Anderson
And no, sir, I'm going to get that Chapman a 2 dash Z shell of professional model football if it's the last thing I do.
Junior Anderson
How, Pop?
Oliver Anderson
Oh, not all right this minute, but I'll get him one somehow.
Mary Anderson
Now what?
Oliver Anderson
Wait. Maybe you're wrong about Chapman being happy.
Junior Anderson
Want me to go to the North, Pop?
Oliver Anderson
No, I'll go myself.
Mary Anderson
Now, don't have any trouble on the front porch, Oliver.
Oliver Anderson
Oh, Mr. Good. Well, now you have your football. What do you want?
Mr. Good
I'm a rat.
Oliver Anderson
I don't care if you're.
Mr. Good
What, Mr. Anderson? I'm a rat.
Oliver Anderson
You are? Well, come on in, I guess.
Homer
Now, look. Good.
Oliver Anderson
I didn't think you were going to make this a habit. You have your football, and I was happy to give it to you for the kid's sake.
Mr. Good
May I sit down a moment?
Oliver Anderson
Sit down a little? Well, I guess so. Come on in here. You remember my wife?
Mary Anderson
Oh, of course. How are you, Mr. Good.
Oliver Anderson
She's a rat.
Mary Anderson
Why, Oliver Anderson.
Mr. Good
Oh, he's right, Mrs. Anderson. I'm a rat.
Mary Anderson
Well, I don't understand.
Oliver Anderson
I don't either.
Mr. Good
I was afraid you wouldn't understand without an explanation. So I came back to tell you about it.
Mary Anderson
How's the little boy?
Mr. Good
It's a little girl.
Mary Anderson
Is she ill?
Mr. Good
No, she's doing splendidly. Seven pounds and eight ounces.
Oliver Anderson
Oh, you mean she's shrunk?
Mr. Good
No, the little darling was born just an hour ago.
Oliver Anderson
And you were taking the football to her.
Mr. Good
Well, that was before I knew you. People had been so kind about the football. I just had to come back and explain my action.
Mary Anderson
Junior, dear, close the door when you go out and be back in 10 minutes.
Homer
Okay, Mom.
Junior Anderson
I'll be out back.
Oliver Anderson
Mary Junior is not a baby anymore. All right, now let's hear the story.
Mr. Good
Well, I've been married 12 years.
Oliver Anderson
Congratulations.
Mary Anderson
Oliver, please.
Mr. Good
Well, we were married two years when I received my first call to the hospital. 11:15am I think. I rushed downtown, bought a football for the new arrival. And I won't say I was disappointed, but there she was. Six pounds, even. Fragile as spun glass.
Mary Anderson
Oh, a little girl. How lovely.
Mr. Good
Yes, we became very fond of her later. Then two years went by. I was summoned again. 4:12 in the afternoon. This time I rushed to the sporting goods store and got the finest football money could buy.
Oliver Anderson
A2 dad shell, a professional model.
Mr. Good
That's right. I rushed to the hospital. And we named her Cynthia. Cute as a bug and fragile as fine spun glass.
Mary Anderson
Mommy. A little sister.
Mr. Good
Yes, that's right. Four times I made the trip to the hospital. Four times I bought a football.
Oliver Anderson
They must have got tired taking it back, Oliver.
Mr. Good
And four times I was a little disappointed.
Oliver Anderson
And then this time today.
Mr. Good
Yes, that was why I was desperate. I had to have the two Z Schiller professional football. I left your house and rushed to the hospital. I waited four hours and the nurse came out.
Oliver Anderson
Same nurse?
Mr. Chapman
Yes.
Oliver Anderson
You probably call her by her first name by this time, huh?
Mary Anderson
Go on, Mr. Good.
Mr. Good
Well, the nurse laid the little bundle
Oliver Anderson
in my arm and you started blowing up the football.
Mr. Good
I did not, sir. I looked down into that beautiful little
Oliver Anderson
face and it was a fragile and fine fun glass.
Mr. Good
Oh, she was a beautiful little creature.
Mr. Chapman
Yeah.
Oliver Anderson
It's a shame.
Mr. Good
Yes.
Mr. Chapman
Yes, it is.
Oliver Anderson
You're young yet.
Mary Anderson
Oh, no, no.
Mr. Good
I'll never have need for that football again.
Oliver Anderson
Oh, if you don't need it, I
Mr. Good
and anticipated that, Mr. Anderson. And I've brought the football back.
Mary Anderson
Oh, how nice, Mr. Good.
Mr. Good
Yes, I. I hope it makes some little boy happy. I believe the whole bill was 1510. With the tax, of course, Oliver.
Mary Anderson
1510?
Mr. Good
Yes. How I envy you, you lucky people.
Oliver Anderson
You mean about the football?
Mary Anderson
Yes.
Mr. Good
Well, I'll run on now. I have to pick up a few things. I, I, I saw where they have a special on strained carrots.
Mary Anderson
Well, Mr. Good, I hope your new little girl will make you happy and that everything works out right.
Mr. Good
Oh, thank you. And when you're watching the eager face of the little boy as he kicks the football, think of me trying to wrap up a doll buggy.
Mary Anderson
That's Mr. Chapman. Now, Oliver, we can straighten this whole thing up right now.
Mr. Chapman
Good evening, Mrs. Anderson. The missus said you folks wanted to see me.
Mary Anderson
Yes, come on in. Oliver wants to see you.
Homer
Oliver.
Mary Anderson
Oliver, it's Mr. Chapman.
Mr. Good
Oh.
Oliver Anderson
Oh, yeah. Sit down, Chapman.
Mr. Chapman
Thanks. What's on your mind? Footballs. Yeah, what's that, eh?
Oliver Anderson
Yeah.
Mr. Chapman
Don't be ridiculous, Anderson. I don't want no football. I forgot the whole incident. You don't owe me nothing.
Oliver Anderson
But I have a two dad's Eshill, a professional model.
Mr. Good
Oh, you have?
Mr. Chapman
Well, it's different. Is it a genuine one?
Homer
Sure is. Here, look.
Mr. Chapman
It's too good for a kid. They always are busting something with it.
Oliver Anderson
Yeah, I know, but you can watch, Butch.
Mr. Chapman
It sure is a beauty, Anderson. Gee, I bet I could kick it a mile.
Oliver Anderson
Not holding it that way, you couldn't. Here, here, let me show you.
Mr. Chapman
Let go of that ball. I know how to kick him, but
Oliver Anderson
I just want to show you the right way.
Mr. Chapman
Oh, I'm a stoop, huh? Well, don't know nothing. You're going to show me.
Oliver Anderson
Now, wait a minute, brother. You kick it any way you want, but you don't hold the laces down.
Mr. Chapman
Say, look, Anderson, I kick footballs before you even know how to hold them.
Mary Anderson
Oh, boys, it's late now. Maybe Mr. Chapman should take the ball on home.
Mr. Chapman
Yeah, yeah, you're right. But don't try to tell me how
Oliver Anderson
to hold a football, okay? You know?
Mr. Chapman
Of course I do. Come on outside and I'll show you how it works.
Mary Anderson
It's kind of dark, Mr. Chapman.
Mr. Chapman
Ah, that's okay, that's okay. I'll just boot it easy. It ain't like some kid doing it. Come on. Come on out.
Junior Anderson
Be careful now.
Mr. Chapman
Don't worry, don't worry. Stand back.
Oliver Anderson
The strings are down.
Mr. Chapman
Oh, what? Stand back now. Here she goes. I'm going to boat her a mile, brother.
Oliver Anderson
Look at it go up.
Mr. Chapman
Nothing to it. Theory's all right, but. Hey, hey, where's it going?
Junior Anderson
The wind.
Mary Anderson
It's going over the house.
Oliver Anderson
Remember, it's your football, Chapman.
Mr. Chapman
Ain't nobody else's. I ain't gonna get it.
Mary Anderson
Oh, my goodness. Right through Mr. DeLancey's greenhouse. If you just left well enough alone.
Oliver Anderson
Oliver, he didn't hold it right.
Junior Anderson
He sure can kick, though, Pop.
Oliver Anderson
Well, that's beside the point. I'm out $15 and he's out 15 more for the glass. You know, Mary, boys and footballs are a menace, dear.
Mary Anderson
Maybe Mr. Good had something after all with that fragile as fine spun glass idea.
Oliver Anderson
Now, don't start that, uh oh, here we go again.
Mary Anderson
Fol.
Narrator
The Anderson Family is written by Howard Swart, directed by Herb Litton, and features Dick Lane as Oliver, Louise, Arthur as Mary, Walter Tetley as Junior and Herbert Rollinson as Homer. Mr. Good was played by Ray Erlenborn Chapman by Doug Young and the sales girl by Ginny Johnson. Music by Gordon Kibbe and your announcer is Ken Peters. The Anderson Family is a Hollywood broadcaster's production. Transcribed from Hollywood.
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Mr. Chapman
Wait, what?
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Date: April 1, 2026
Host: Harold’s Old Time Radio
This episode features a classic slice of family comedy from The Anderson Family, capturing the era’s humor and warmth. The plot revolves around a high-spirited argument over a broken football, neighborly demands for fairness, and a series of moral lessons woven into the comic misunderstandings that ensue. With the Andersons caught between neighborly expectations, department store sales tactics, and a quest to do the “right thing,” the episode highlights themes of responsibility, honesty, and the enduring unpredictability of family life.
The episode is a masterful blend of situational humor, neighborly squabbles, and heartfelt honesty—hallmarks of Golden Age radio family comedies. The final gag (the football shattering the greenhouse again) shows that, for all the lessons learned, life’s complications are always just one mishandled football away.