Anderson Family - Oliver Argues

Summary

---

Podcast Summary: Harold's Old Time Radio

Episode: Anderson Family - Oliver Argues

Date: April 1, 2026
Host: Harold’s Old Time Radio

---

Overview

This episode features a classic slice of family comedy from The Anderson Family, capturing the era’s humor and warmth. The plot revolves around a high-spirited argument over a broken football, neighborly demands for fairness, and a series of moral lessons woven into the comic misunderstandings that ensue. With the Andersons caught between neighborly expectations, department store sales tactics, and a quest to do the “right thing,” the episode highlights themes of responsibility, honesty, and the enduring unpredictability of family life.

---

Key Discussion Points & Story Beats

1. The Broken Football and Neighborhood Trouble

• Junior Anderson accidentally ruins a neighbor’s expensive football, triggering a series of confrontations.
  • “I can’t understand, Junior, why you had to destroy Butcher’s football when you have two of your own.” —Oliver Anderson (02:33)
  • The football not only breaks, but also smashes panes in Mr. DeLancey’s greenhouse, adding to the cost and chaos.
• Mr. Chapman (Butch's father) storms in, demanding exactly $11—or a “genuine 2Z Schiller professional model” as restitution.
  • “Not just a football, Anderson, but a genuine 2Z Schiller professional model, nothing else.” —Mr. Chapman (04:21)

2. Negotiation, Guilt Trips, and Neighborly Reminiscence

• Oliver tries to reason with Mr. Chapman, listing factors that complicated the incident and reminding him of past favors:
  • “Did I run over to your house and want to beat you up? No, I said.” —Oliver (06:21)
• Chapman momentarily softens, feeling guilty for “shooting off his big mouth,” but snaps back to demanding the football.
  • “This little talk I’ve had with you has learnt me a lesson, Anderson.” —Mr. Chapman (06:44)

3. The Search for the Perfect Football

• Oliver and Mary go to the department store, where they spar verbally with salesman Mr. Good, who’s fiercely protective of the only 2Z Schiller left—reserved for himself.
  • “I am reserving that one for myself... Mr. Norman Oswald Good.” —Mr. Good (09:11)
• Through comic maneuvering, Oliver manages to buy the reserved football, exploiting confusion and pushing through the oddity of “NO GOOD” written on the packaging.

4. Ethics, Honesty, and a Guilt-Induced Tug-of-War

• On returning home, Mary insists Oliver return the football to Mr. Good after learning it was intended for him personally, especially upon discovering its purpose: a gift for someone in the hospital.
  • “It’s the honest thing to do, is all.” —Mary Anderson (12:36)
• After initial reluctance, Oliver relents, and Mr. Good retrieves his football for a mysterious hospital visit.

5. Deeper Revelations and Unexpected Resolution

• Mr. Good returns, confesses he fabricated the urgency about a hospitalized child; he was actually continuing his tradition of bringing a football to the hospital every time a new child is born in his family—despite always having daughters, not sons.
  • “Four times I made the trip to the hospital. Four times I bought a football... and four times I was a little disappointed.” —Mr. Good (22:25)
  • “Well, that was before I knew you. People had been so kind about the football. I just had to come back and explain my action.” —Mr. Good (21:13)

6. Full Circle: Forgiveness and New Chaos

• Mr. Chapman comes by to say he no longer wants the football, apologizes for his earlier behavior, and admires Oliver’s act of kindness.
  • “There must be some good in Anderson, and this proves it.” —Mr. Chapman (16:37)
• Mr. Good returns the football as a goodwill gesture.
  • “I hope it makes some little boy happy.” —Mr. Good (23:25)
• Chapman, now pacified, accepts the football at last—and immediately, history repeats: he kicks it, sending it smashing through DeLancey’s greenhouse again.

---

Memorable Quotes & Amusing Moments

• “There's much depend on that particular purchase?” —Mr. Good (09:30)
• “That isn’t ‘no good.’ It’s N O Good. That’s a man’s name.” —Oliver Anderson (12:11)
• “I shall not go to the hospital without that football.” —Mr. Good (13:59)
• “Well, that was before I knew you. People had been so kind...” —Mr. Good (21:13)
• “I just want to show you the right way [to kick the ball].” —Oliver Anderson (24:57)
• “There must be some good in Anderson, and this proves it.” —Mr. Chapman (16:37)
• “[Chapman kicks the ball; it smashes a greenhouse window again.] 'It’s your football, Chapman.' 'Ain’t nobody else’s. I ain’t gonna get it.'” (25:44)

---

Timestamps of Important Segments

• [02:11] — Recap of how the football broke and Oliver’s predicament
• [04:01–06:44] — Oliver and Chapman’s heated negotiation, reminiscences, and resolve
• [08:10–12:30] — Department store antics: Oliver’s banter with Mr. Good and the sneaky purchase
• [12:41–14:22] — Mr. Good’s football reclaiming, ethical debate at home
• [16:01–17:17] — Chapman’s change of heart, expressing admiration for Oliver’s kindness
• [20:24–23:43] — Mr. Good’s true story about his tradition and returning the football
• [24:23–25:49] — Chapman gets the football, kicks it into the greenhouse, chaos resumes

---

Tone and Takeaways

• Tone: Lighthearted, witty, warm, with playful ribbing among friends, neighbors, and family; classic radio comedy style with moral undertones.
• Message: Doing the right thing isn’t always simple or rewarding, but neighborly goodwill and admission of mistakes lead to forgiveness. Also, sometimes, the universe serves up a bit of slapstick karma.

---

Conclusion

The episode is a masterful blend of situational humor, neighborly squabbles, and heartfelt honesty—hallmarks of Golden Age radio family comedies. The final gag (the football shattering the greenhouse again) shows that, for all the lessons learned, life’s complications are always just one mishandled football away.

---

Transcript

[Mary Anderson]

K Pop Demon Hunters Saja Boys Breakfast Meal and Hunt Tricks Meal have just dropped at McDonald's. They're calling this a battle for the fans. What do you say to that, roomie? It's not a battle. So glad the Saja boys could take breakfast and give our meal the rest of the day.

[Oliver Anderson]

It is an honor to share.

[Junior Anderson]

No, it's our honor.

[Oliver Anderson]

It is our larger honor.

[Mr. Good]

No, really, stop.

[Mary Anderson]

You can really feel the respect in this battle. Pick a meal to pick a side.

[Oliver Anderson]

Ba da ba ba ba. And participate in McDonald's while supplies last.

[Narrator]

The Anderson family.

[Oliver Anderson]

Now wait a minute, Chapman. You don't hold a football that way at all.

[Mr. Chapman]

You're telling me how to kick one of those things? Stand back. And no lift, Anderson.

[Mary Anderson]

Let Mr. Chapman have it.

[Oliver Anderson]

Oliver, you're not gonna kick it on the lacings and break it.

[Mr. Chapman]

Who ain't gonna kick what football? On what laces?

[Junior Anderson]

You might puncture it.

[Mary Anderson]

Mr. Chapman, let me have the ball.

[Mr. Chapman]

Stand back, Anderson. I might miss the ball. And kick where you're not looking.

[Junior Anderson]

Uh oh, here we go again.

[Oliver Anderson]

F it,

[Mr. Chapman]

Sam.

[Narrator]

Now let's visit the Anderson family. Well, this whole thing started when Junior Anderson accidentally spoiled a football belonging to Butch Chapman. Butch's father, in no uncertain terms, insisted Oliver replace the football and have it by 6 o' clock this evening. Or else. Oliver knows what the or else means and is discussing it right this minute with Junior.

[Oliver Anderson]

I can't understand, Junior, why you had to destroy butcher's football when you have two of your own.

[Junior Anderson]

I don't have two like that one, Pop. Mine are just those little cheap kinds. Butcher's cost $11.

[Oliver Anderson]

$11? Why, I won't pay it.

[Mary Anderson]

But you agreed to replace it, Oliver, and Junior told Butch you would.

[Oliver Anderson]

I'm not agreeing to pay $11. I'll repair it first.

[Junior Anderson]

It can't be repaired, Pop. When I went through the glass, it got all cut up.

[Oliver Anderson]

There's no reason. Through what glass?

[Junior Anderson]

Well, I was going to tell you, but I forgot.

[Mary Anderson]

I guess it's the glass in Mr. Delancey's greenhouse, Oliver.

[Oliver Anderson]

Oh, that's different. Delancey's greenhouse? How did that happen?

[Junior Anderson]

The wind took its pop and it curved right around. And then we heard the crash.

[Mary Anderson]

But it's all straightened out now, Oliver. There's no need to keep this thing going any longer. It's done. There's nothing we can do about it now.

[Oliver Anderson]

Oh, Mary, that's just carelessness. And as long as Junior did it, he can pay for the broken window.

[Mary Anderson]

Windows, Oliver, it seems there Were several of them.

[Oliver Anderson]

I won't pay it. I didn't do it and I won't pay.

[Mary Anderson]

Maybe this is Mr. DeLancey.

[Oliver Anderson]

Now, Junior, run on out. I may have to get tough with delancey.

[Mary Anderson]

Oh, it's Mr. Chapman. Won't you come in?

[Mr. Chapman]

Yeah, thanks. Where's Anderson?

[Mary Anderson]

Right in here, Mr. Chapman.

[Mr. Chapman]

Thanks. You're sure a lady, Mrs. Anderson. It must be boring for you around this house.

[Oliver Anderson]

Oh, hello there, Chapman. Come in.

[Mr. Chapman]

I am in, bud, and I want to have a little talk with you. Maybe you should Leave the room, Mrs. Anderson.

[Mary Anderson]

Leave the room. Oh, come now, Mr. Chapman.

[Oliver Anderson]

Is something wrong, Chappie?

[Mr. Chapman]

It's something wrong. He asked me nothing that 11 bucks won't remedy.

[Mary Anderson]

Oh, the football.

[Mr. Chapman]

That's right.

[Oliver Anderson]

Well, I don't like your attitude, Chapman.

[Mr. Chapman]

Well, my general behavior ain't at stake, Anderson. I won 11 bucks when I left the house. I told Butch I'd come home with 11 bucks, but. Or a new football.

[Oliver Anderson]

Oh, well, look, I'll get another football for Butch when I go downtown today. Is that okay?

[Mr. Chapman]

Not just a football, Anderson, but a genuine 2Z Schiller professional model, nothing else.

[Mary Anderson]

Is there a difference in football?

[Mr. Chapman]

Decidedly so, Mrs. Anderson. And I won't settle for nothing but a 2Z Sheller professional model.

[Oliver Anderson]

Well, suppose I can't find one.

[Mr. Chapman]

Look, let's not delve into future catastrophes. Anderson, you look around until you do find one, okay?

[Oliver Anderson]

Now, look, Chapman, let's analyze the thing.

[Mr. Chapman]

Analyze?

[Oliver Anderson]

That means take a thing apart.

[Mr. Chapman]

Oh, I'd love that. I'd been thinking about it ever since Butch told me about this.

[Oliver Anderson]

Yeah, well, what I meant was. Now, look, if Butch hadn't been there with the football, Junior wouldn't have kicked it, right?

[Mr. Chapman]

Well, yeah, I guess so.

[Oliver Anderson]

And if the wind hadn't carried it, everything would have been all right. While I'm pointing out is this, there are lots of factors which complicate this.

[Mr. Chapman]

Look, Anderson, I'm willing to listen to a certain amount of this dribble. But in the end, I won 11 bucks. Or a 2D Schiller model football. Is that the way it works out with you?

[Oliver Anderson]

Uh, yes. Yes, I guess you're correct. I always do the right thing. Now, you have a football coming, and you'll get it.

[Mr. Chapman]

I don't like the way you're referring to a 2Z Schiller professional model as just a football.

[Mary Anderson]

Well, why doesn't Oliver just shop around today and buy one? That's the point in question, isn't it, Mr. Chancellor?

[Mr. Chapman]

Yeah, that's right. Mrs.

[Oliver Anderson]

I think that's fair. Now, Chapman, I'm quite surprised you'd act this way.

[Mr. Chapman]

Eh?

[Oliver Anderson]

You've always been a very fine neighbor.

[Mr. Chapman]

I have?

[Oliver Anderson]

Yes, you have. We've been very proud of the work you did on our plumbing.

[Mr. Chapman]

Well, I try to do good work.

[Oliver Anderson]

And I know you're upset or you wouldn't act this way.

[Mr. Chapman]

Hey, yeah, I guess I am a bit upset.

[Oliver Anderson]

I'd hate to have you do anything which would make people lose that high respect they have for you.

[Mary Anderson]

Excuse me, Oliver, but you'll be late for work.

[Oliver Anderson]

Well, I just wanted to mention what a warm friendship Chapman, I have had in the past. The time I towed your car for three blocks.

[Mr. Chapman]

Yeah, yeah, you did at that, Oliver.

[Oliver Anderson]

Then the time I loaned you a saw and you brought it back with 10 teeth out of it.

[Mr. Chapman]

That was 30, Anderson. I'm ashamed. But I didn't know the fort had a nail in it.

[Oliver Anderson]

That's all right, pal. Did I run over to your house and want to beat you up? No, I said.

[Mary Anderson]

Oh, she was an act of the time, Oliver.

[Oliver Anderson]

Yeah, I know.

[Mr. Chapman]

Anderson, look, I'm ashamed.

[Oliver Anderson]

No, chap.

[Mr. Good]

No, no, no.

[Mr. Chapman]

I'm all wrong. I don't know what makes me do this thing.

[Oliver Anderson]

Oh, well, I know you're upset.

[Mr. Chapman]

It was little Butcher's football.

[Oliver Anderson]

Yeah, Fine little fella. Well, maybe we can work this thing out so we're both happy.

[Mr. Chapman]

I sure hope so. This little talk I've had with you has learnt me a lesson, Anderson.

[Oliver Anderson]

Now, that's fine. And we'll have no more trouble, will we, Chapman?

[Mr. Chapman]

Well, not if you bring home a 2Z shell of professional model football, we won't.

[Event Announcer]

Get ready to rev those engines. The 2026 Les Schwab Classy Chassis parade and car show is back in East Wenatchee, Washington. Kick things off Friday, May 1st at 6:00pm for the Big parade, plus the after party with live music. Then join us on Saturday, May 2nd at 10:00am at the Eastmont Community park for the car show. It's two days of classic cars, food, music and free family fun for everyone. For all the details, visit eastwardancheewa.gov we'll see you there.

[Alex Canceroitz]

Hi, this is Alex Canceroitz. I'm the host of Big Technology Podcast, a longtime reporter and an on air contributor to cnbc. And if you're like me, you're trying to figure out how artificial intelligence is changing the business world and our lives. So each week on Big Technology, I bring on key actors from companies building AI tech and outsiders trying to influence it. Asking where this is all going. They come from places like Envision, Nvidia, Microsoft, Amazon and plenty more. So if you want to be smart with your wallet, your career choices, in meetings with your colleagues and at dinner parties, listen to big technology podcast wherever you get your podcasts.

[Oliver Anderson]

I think they have a two dash Z sheller football here, Mary.

[Mary Anderson]

I'm sure they have, Oliver. This is the most complete department store in town.

[Oliver Anderson]

I wonder if we should disturb this gentleman over here with a wilted carnation or just hunt for the football ourselves.

[Mary Anderson]

Oh, now, don't start off the trip that way, Oliver. Of course, of course he'd be happy to help. That's what he paid for.

[Mr. Good]

You won't resent it then, Silly.

[Mary Anderson]

Pardon me. I'm looking for a football.

[Mr. Good]

Oh, how interesting. What position do you play?

[Homer]

Position?

[Oliver Anderson]

Well, now, look, she started out as a substitute, but now she's a guard. And I might add, the end.

[Mr. Good]

I'm sure there must be humor in that remark somewhere, sir.

[Oliver Anderson]

Don't bother.

[Mr. Good]

I fail to see it. Football, you say?

[Mary Anderson]

That's right. Do you have any?

[Mr. Good]

Why, yes, I believe we do. Several of them.

[Oliver Anderson]

Two Jazzy Shell, a professional.

[Mr. Good]

Who told you we had one of those?

[Mary Anderson]

No one. We just asked.

[Mr. Good]

There must be a leak in the organization.

[Oliver Anderson]

Mean a leak or a drip?

[Mr. Good]

I'm ignoring that, sir. However, I will tell you that we have just one 2Z Schiller Professional. But you can't buy it.

[Mary Anderson]

Can't buy it?

[Mr. Good]

That's right. I am reserving that one for myself. Me, Mr. Norman Oswald. Good.

[Oliver Anderson]

Look, we're customers.

[Mr. Good]

That has nothing to do with it. But you might drop up to the third floor and ask if they have any other models of football.

[Mary Anderson]

I'm sorry, but we'll have to buy a 2Z Schiller Professional Football.

[Mr. Good]

Does much depend on that particular purchase?

[Mary Anderson]

I should say it does, doesn't it?

[Oliver Anderson]

Oliver, let's not go into detail on this. Let's go up there and have a girl browse around the merchandise and maybe she can find something. And thank you, Mr. Brood.

[Mr. Good]

It's not brewed. It's g o o d gooed er. That is good.

[Oliver Anderson]

Oh. Oh, well, I think. Okay, Mary, it's three and footballs. Now you kind of saunter around over there through the drapes and let me have a moment alone with this sales guy.

[Mary Anderson]

How interesting.

[Oliver Anderson]

Okay, now, forget the humor. Have to get this football by fair means or foul.

[Mary Anderson]

Good luck, darling. But remember, I'm watching you.

[Oliver Anderson]

I'll remember that. Pardon me? What you said nothing. I Just wanted to inquire about a football. But I didn't stop to think that such a beautiful girl probably doesn't sell footballs.

[Junior Anderson]

Yeah, you're just saying that.

[Mary Anderson]

I'll bet.

[Oliver Anderson]

No, no, I'm not. I'm serious. I'll have to congratulate Joe on his choice of employees.

[Junior Anderson]

Joe? Joe who?

[Oliver Anderson]

Joe Westerling, the owner of the store. Joe and I are like that.

[Junior Anderson]

You know, the owner. Gee, maybe you can put in a good word for me.

[Oliver Anderson]

I'm sure I can.

[Junior Anderson]

I only talked to him once. He was so kind and nice. He said I was indescribable, imbecilic and. And wait till you get this. He said I was obnoxious.

[Homer]

He did?

[Oliver Anderson]

Well, then you can see what he thinks of you already.

[Junior Anderson]

And I think he's wonderful, too.

[Oliver Anderson]

Yes. Now, there's a football in your department. A Z.2Z Schiller, professional model, I think it is. And it's all wrapped up.

[Junior Anderson]

He. How did you know? You must be a friend of Joe.

[Oliver Anderson]

Well, I'd like to look at it. The football.

[Junior Anderson]

It's right under the counter here. I saw it a few minutes ago. Oh, here it is. Oh, but see, mister, I don't want to sell a friend of yours, I mean, Mr. Westerling, a football that ain't no good.

[Oliver Anderson]

No good?

[Junior Anderson]

That's what it says here. See? N O G, O O D. No good.

[Oliver Anderson]

No, no, that's all right. I don't like the person I'm giving it to anyhow. I'm glad it isn't any good. Just wrap it up.

[Junior Anderson]

All right, if you say so. Now, let me see. $11.

[Oliver Anderson]

Here it is, bladder.

[Junior Anderson]

350.

[Oliver Anderson]

You mean that's extra?

[Junior Anderson]

50 cents for laces and. Do you want this gift wrapped, or will you take it with you?

[Oliver Anderson]

No, no, just mail it. No. Pardon me. I'm a little upset, I guess. No, I'll just take it with me. And right now, please.

[Junior Anderson]

There you are. Remember, it's not returnable. I'll write it right on your sales slip.

[Oliver Anderson]

That's all right with me.

[Junior Anderson]

And if you see Joe again, I mean Mr. Wetterling, you might say something

[Oliver Anderson]

about me you can depend on.

[Junior Anderson]

Gee, were you ever lucky, Pop. Wait a minute.

[Mary Anderson]

Huh? What's wrong, Junior?

[Junior Anderson]

Look, mom, it says no good on the wrapper. Aw, gee, Pop, they hooked you again.

[Oliver Anderson]

No one hooked me. I hooked them. That isn't no good. It's N o good. That's a man's name and a girl didn't do it.

[Mary Anderson]

Oh, now, Oliver, that's not fair. Take it back.

[Oliver Anderson]

Not me. Slip says it's not returnable.

[Mary Anderson]

But it's not fair, Oliver. Mr. Goode told you he had that football laid away for himself.

[Oliver Anderson]

Yeah, well, it's been sold, honey.

[Junior Anderson]

Jeepers, Pop, you're really shocked.

[Mary Anderson]

I won't be a party to this, Oliver.

[Oliver Anderson]

I can't see why.

[Junior Anderson]

Mr. Chapman has called twice to see if he got home yet.

[Oliver Anderson]

You see, why. Why take it back and compromise me?

[Mary Anderson]

It's the honest thing to do, is all.

[Junior Anderson]

Gee, mom, they're hard to get.

[Oliver Anderson]

Of course they are.

[Mary Anderson]

Take it back.

[Mr. Chapman]

No.

[Oliver Anderson]

I'll call Chapman and tell him to come and get his football.

[Mary Anderson]

It's not fair to Mr. Good, Oliver.

[Oliver Anderson]

Let Goode be on his toes then, not on mine.

[Mr. Chapman]

Chapman speaking. Contracting the cement. White. Chapman speaking. We ain't got any.

[Oliver Anderson]

This is Oliver Anderson.

[Mr. Chapman]

We still ain't got who?

[Oliver Anderson]

Oliver Anderson.

[Mr. Chapman]

Oh, yeah, Anderson. Where's that football?

[Oliver Anderson]

I got one.

[Mr. Chapman]

I'm sure glad at that. It saved me a nasty job.

[Oliver Anderson]

Now just calm down and come and get it.

[Mr. Chapman]

I'll be right over. And brother, it better be a two dank d shill of professional football.

[Junior Anderson]

You see, mom, you go on being kind to everyone and being fair. What does it get you?

[Oliver Anderson]

Junior's right. I bought the football and it's mine. Gee, Chaplin isn't kidding when he says he's the fastest plumber in town. You get it, Mary.

[Mary Anderson]

I still think you're wrong, Oliver. Oh, Mr. Good, come in.

[Mr. Good]

Yes, indeed, I'll come in. Where's that. That football thief?

[Mary Anderson]

Now, just a moment, Mr. Good.

[Mr. Good]

I'll not be thwarted in my determination to retrieve that football. My dear lady, where is that man?

[Homer]

Oh.

[Oliver Anderson]

Oh, hello there, Mr. Good.

[Mr. Good]

We shall eliminate the niceties, my good fellow. I'm determined to get that football.

[Oliver Anderson]

I paid for it.

[Mr. Good]

It had my name on it.

[Mary Anderson]

Oliver, dear, I think it would very.

[Mr. Chapman]

Please.

[Oliver Anderson]

Okay, Mr. Good, I'll show you the sales slip. Now. There. Right there. It's written, not returnable.

[Mr. Good]

I shall not go to the hospital without that football.

[Oliver Anderson]

If you reach for it, you will.

[Mr. Good]

Brother Oliver, stop this.

[Mary Anderson]

You know it's Mr. Good. Football.

[Oliver Anderson]

I'll fight for this football.

[Mary Anderson]

That's the old spirit.

[Oliver Anderson]

Now, you stay out of this.

[Mr. Good]

And don't think I won't fight for it, sir. I'll not go to the hospital without it.

[Mary Anderson]

Oliver, give me that football, please.

[Oliver Anderson]

Oh, well, here.

[Mary Anderson]

That's fine. Now, Mr. Good, if you'll refund the money, you may have the football that rightfully belongs to you.

[Mr. Good]

Thank you, madam, I'll reimburse you this moment. I shall never forget your kindness.

[Oliver Anderson]

Oh, fine thing you tried, Pop.

[Mary Anderson]

You mentioned taking it to the hospital.

[Mr. Good]

Oh, my goodness, I almost forgot. I hope I'm not too late. I must get there on time.

[Mary Anderson]

Taking it to the hospital, darling? Maybe he has a boy like Junior lying in a bed there just waiting for that football.

[Oliver Anderson]

Yeah, I guess I was kind of wrong. Poor kid.

[Mary Anderson]

Don't you feel better about it now, Oliver?

[Oliver Anderson]

I guess so. You're right, of course, I don't want

[Junior Anderson]

to make you feel worse, pop, but Mr. Chapman is coming up the walk, and he ain't smiling.

[Narrator]

And now back to the Anderson family. Oliver Anderson bought a football to replace one Junior had broken. But unfortunately, Oliver had bought the football in a rather unorthodox manner and had to return it. Now all he has to do is either avoid or face the irate Mr. Chapman, who at this moment is coming up the front walk.

[Oliver Anderson]

Now, look, Mary, tell him I've stepped out. And you won't be lying, because I'm leaving right now. I'll be over at Homermeister's garage. But don't tell Chapman.

[Mary Anderson]

This is no way to handle this, Oliver.

[Oliver Anderson]

Now, let's not argue about the right

[Homer]

and wrong of it.

[Oliver Anderson]

I'll have to have time to think.

[Mary Anderson]

Oh, Junior, you go to the door.

[Junior Anderson]

I'm not afraid, Mom. He likes me. Oh, gee, this is a surprise. Come on in, Mr. Chapman.

[Mr. Chapman]

Come in? Why, yeah. Junior. Much obliged.

[Mary Anderson]

Oh, well, it's Mr. Chapman. Sit down, won't you?

[Mr. Chapman]

Thanks. Where's Anderson?

[Junior Anderson]

He's out.

[Mr. Chapman]

Oh, out, eh? Where's the football?

[Mary Anderson]

Football? Why, the football?

[Mr. Chapman]

Yeah, yeah, he called me and told me to come and get it. He wasn't lying, was he?

[Mary Anderson]

Oh, no. He had the football.

[Mr. Chapman]

Oh, he had it, eh? You mean he ain't got it now?

[Junior Anderson]

Well, I'm sorry, Mr. Chapman, but the man wanted to take it to the hospital.

[Mr. Chapman]

Oh, the man wanted to. Say, what is this double talk? What hospital?

[Mary Anderson]

Well, Oliver bought one, but it really belonged to another man, and the man came and got it back. He had to take it to the hospital?

[Junior Anderson]

Yeah. I think maybe his little boy was hurt or something.

[Mr. Chapman]

Hey, you mean his kid was hurt?

[Mary Anderson]

Well, he mentioned he had to take the football to the hospital. So it must be a little boy.

[Mr. Chapman]

Well, kid. And Anderson let him take it?

[Mary Anderson]

Why, yes. What could Oliver do?

[Mr. Chapman]

Gee, I admire the jerk for that. You know, there must be some good in Anderson, and this proves it.

[Junior Anderson]

Oh, he's a swell guy when you get to know him, Mr. Chapman.

[Mr. Chapman]

Gee, poor kid. Lying there in a hospital. Maybe run over or something. Gee, I gotta hand it to Anderson. I'd have done the same thing. And think I acted like a heel.

[Mary Anderson]

Oh, now, Mr. Chapman, you were within your right.

[Mr. Chapman]

No, no, I'm just no good. I'm always shooting off my big mouth. Look, tell Anderson to forget about the football. He don't owe me nothing.

[Mary Anderson]

But I'm sure he intends to find another ball.

[Mr. Chapman]

No, no, I don't want it and Butch don't want it. And I'm apologizing for acting like I did.

[Mary Anderson]

That's very nice of you, Mr. Chapman. And I know Oliver will be happy to hear of it when he gets home.

[Mr. Chapman]

I'd sure like to see him.

[Mary Anderson]

I'll tell him. Then he could talk to you.

[Mr. Good]

Okay.

[Mr. Chapman]

Any way you say, Mrs. Anderson. Well, gee, I feel a lot better now about Anderson. Gee, giving up a football to some poor kid lying in a hospital.

[Oliver Anderson]

Hey, hey, have you seen Chapman leave yet, Homer?

[Homer]

No. No, there is a sign of him.

[Oliver Anderson]

Well, maybe I should face him, have it out with him.

[Homer]

It must be a better and safer way. Oliver, in my younger days, I used to swing a mean fist. Yep, even as late as last year. Yeah. Had a bruise and fight with a pretty tough hombre, Belcher, down at the real estate office. Yeah.

[Oliver Anderson]

Belcher. Why, he's 65 years old.

[Homer]

He ain't no such thing. That's what he wants people to believe. He's just 62, and I know it.

[Oliver Anderson]

And you fought with him, Homer?

[Homer]

Yep, yep, I led him on, just like a cat leading a mouse. But he was a coward and he wouldn't fight at first.

[Oliver Anderson]

Oh, no, not old man Belcher.

[Homer]

Yep, yep. I circled around him looking for an opening, and finally I found one.

[Oliver Anderson]

Through the back door.

[Homer]

Through the back door? No, no, twa'n't no such thing.

[Oliver Anderson]

Now, look, this isn't helping me. And suppose you and I go right up to Chapman's door.

[Homer]

Suppose just you go up to. I didn't break no football, did it?

[Oliver Anderson]

Well, you're my friend, aren't you?

[Homer]

Well, yes. Yes, I be, Oliver. But I've been having trouble with Marthy over that same thing. Fighting? Yep. And he can't afford to carry it no further. I see.

[Oliver Anderson]

Well, I still have to face it. Delancy, too. I owe him for some windows out of his greenhouse.

[Homer]

Well, well, now you're talking. If you want him pushed around a bit, well, that's different.

[Oliver Anderson]

Now, wait a minute. He's an old man.

[Homer]

That's the Kind I push around here.

[Oliver Anderson]

No, no, no. Never mind. I'll take care of my own problem.

[Homer]

He's leaving. Chapman's leaving? Yep.

[Oliver Anderson]

Well, look, suppose I stop him and have it out with him. He'll see you standing there.

[Homer]

He ain't seeing me standing there. No, sir. Not me.

[Oliver Anderson]

No. Okay, then I'll let it go for a day or two.

[Homer]

Yep, I guess that's the best way. Once I had a run in with Marthy's Paul.

[Oliver Anderson]

Yeah, you told me.

[Homer]

And he come right at me. Of course, I was younger then and didn't stare easy.

[Oliver Anderson]

Look, I've heard that twice. You ran under a wagon and he chased you and hit his head on a whipple tree. Right.

[Homer]

Hit his head on a whiff. Yep. Yep, that's right.

[Oliver Anderson]

I thought so. Now, look, I'm going over and find out just what I'd better do about this Chapman.

[Junior Anderson]

Come on in, Pop. I guess everything's going to be all right.

[Oliver Anderson]

All right? How do you mean?

[Junior Anderson]

He's sorry.

[Oliver Anderson]

What about losing the football?

[Junior Anderson]

No, about the kid in the hospital.

[Mr. Chapman]

Oh.

[Mary Anderson]

What's going on out here? Oh, you.

[Oliver Anderson]

Yeah. Junior says Chapman's all right.

[Mary Anderson]

He is? I think he acted very much the gentleman.

[Oliver Anderson]

How do you mean?

[Mary Anderson]

Well, he said to forget the football.

[Oliver Anderson]

Oh, yeah, he wants me to forget it so he can go around and say I don't pay my debt.

[Mary Anderson]

You're just making that up, Oliver.

[Oliver Anderson]

And no, sir, I'm going to get that Chapman a 2 dash Z shell of professional model football if it's the last thing I do.

[Junior Anderson]

How, Pop?

[Oliver Anderson]

Oh, not all right this minute, but I'll get him one somehow.

[Mary Anderson]

Now what?

[Oliver Anderson]

Wait. Maybe you're wrong about Chapman being happy.

[Junior Anderson]

Want me to go to the North, Pop?

[Oliver Anderson]

No, I'll go myself.

[Mary Anderson]

Now, don't have any trouble on the front porch, Oliver.

[Oliver Anderson]

Oh, Mr. Good. Well, now you have your football. What do you want?

[Mr. Good]

I'm a rat.

[Oliver Anderson]

I don't care if you're.

[Mr. Good]

What, Mr. Anderson? I'm a rat.

[Oliver Anderson]

You are? Well, come on in, I guess.

[Homer]

Now, look. Good.

[Oliver Anderson]

I didn't think you were going to make this a habit. You have your football, and I was happy to give it to you for the kid's sake.

[Mr. Good]

May I sit down a moment?

[Oliver Anderson]

Sit down a little? Well, I guess so. Come on in here. You remember my wife?

[Mary Anderson]

Oh, of course. How are you, Mr. Good.

[Oliver Anderson]

She's a rat.

[Mary Anderson]

Why, Oliver Anderson.

[Mr. Good]

Oh, he's right, Mrs. Anderson. I'm a rat.

[Mary Anderson]

Well, I don't understand.

[Oliver Anderson]

I don't either.

[Mr. Good]

I was afraid you wouldn't understand without an explanation. So I came back to tell you about it.

[Mary Anderson]

How's the little boy?

[Mr. Good]

It's a little girl.

[Mary Anderson]

Is she ill?

[Mr. Good]

No, she's doing splendidly. Seven pounds and eight ounces.

[Oliver Anderson]

Oh, you mean she's shrunk?

[Mr. Good]

No, the little darling was born just an hour ago.

[Oliver Anderson]

And you were taking the football to her.

[Mr. Good]

Well, that was before I knew you. People had been so kind about the football. I just had to come back and explain my action.

[Mary Anderson]

Junior, dear, close the door when you go out and be back in 10 minutes.

[Homer]

Okay, Mom.

[Junior Anderson]

I'll be out back.

[Oliver Anderson]

Mary Junior is not a baby anymore. All right, now let's hear the story.

[Mr. Good]

Well, I've been married 12 years.

[Oliver Anderson]

Congratulations.

[Mary Anderson]

Oliver, please.

[Mr. Good]

Well, we were married two years when I received my first call to the hospital. 11:15am I think. I rushed downtown, bought a football for the new arrival. And I won't say I was disappointed, but there she was. Six pounds, even. Fragile as spun glass.

[Mary Anderson]

Oh, a little girl. How lovely.

[Mr. Good]

Yes, we became very fond of her later. Then two years went by. I was summoned again. 4:12 in the afternoon. This time I rushed to the sporting goods store and got the finest football money could buy.

[Oliver Anderson]

A2 dad shell, a professional model.

[Mr. Good]

That's right. I rushed to the hospital. And we named her Cynthia. Cute as a bug and fragile as fine spun glass.

[Mary Anderson]

Mommy. A little sister.

[Mr. Good]

Yes, that's right. Four times I made the trip to the hospital. Four times I bought a football.

[Oliver Anderson]

They must have got tired taking it back, Oliver.

[Mr. Good]

And four times I was a little disappointed.

[Oliver Anderson]

And then this time today.

[Mr. Good]

Yes, that was why I was desperate. I had to have the two Z Schiller professional football. I left your house and rushed to the hospital. I waited four hours and the nurse came out.

[Oliver Anderson]

Same nurse?

[Mr. Chapman]

Yes.

[Oliver Anderson]

You probably call her by her first name by this time, huh?

[Mary Anderson]

Go on, Mr. Good.

[Mr. Good]

Well, the nurse laid the little bundle

[Oliver Anderson]

in my arm and you started blowing up the football.

[Mr. Good]

I did not, sir. I looked down into that beautiful little

[Oliver Anderson]

face and it was a fragile and fine fun glass.

[Mr. Good]

Oh, she was a beautiful little creature.

[Mr. Chapman]

Yeah.

[Oliver Anderson]

It's a shame.

[Mr. Good]

Yes.

[Mr. Chapman]

Yes, it is.

[Oliver Anderson]

You're young yet.

[Mary Anderson]

Oh, no, no.

[Mr. Good]

I'll never have need for that football again.

[Oliver Anderson]

Oh, if you don't need it, I

[Mr. Good]

and anticipated that, Mr. Anderson. And I've brought the football back.

[Mary Anderson]

Oh, how nice, Mr. Good.

[Mr. Good]

Yes, I. I hope it makes some little boy happy. I believe the whole bill was 1510. With the tax, of course, Oliver.

[Mary Anderson]

1510?

[Mr. Good]

Yes. How I envy you, you lucky people.

[Oliver Anderson]

You mean about the football?

[Mary Anderson]

Yes.

[Mr. Good]

Well, I'll run on now. I have to pick up a few things. I, I, I saw where they have a special on strained carrots.

[Mary Anderson]

Well, Mr. Good, I hope your new little girl will make you happy and that everything works out right.

[Mr. Good]

Oh, thank you. And when you're watching the eager face of the little boy as he kicks the football, think of me trying to wrap up a doll buggy.

[Mary Anderson]

That's Mr. Chapman. Now, Oliver, we can straighten this whole thing up right now.

[Mr. Chapman]

Good evening, Mrs. Anderson. The missus said you folks wanted to see me.

[Mary Anderson]

Yes, come on in. Oliver wants to see you.

[Homer]

Oliver.

[Mary Anderson]

Oliver, it's Mr. Chapman.

[Mr. Good]

Oh.

[Oliver Anderson]

Oh, yeah. Sit down, Chapman.

[Mr. Chapman]

Thanks. What's on your mind? Footballs. Yeah, what's that, eh?

[Oliver Anderson]

Yeah.

[Mr. Chapman]

Don't be ridiculous, Anderson. I don't want no football. I forgot the whole incident. You don't owe me nothing.

[Oliver Anderson]

But I have a two dad's Eshill, a professional model.

[Mr. Good]

Oh, you have?

[Mr. Chapman]

Well, it's different. Is it a genuine one?

[Homer]

Sure is. Here, look.

[Mr. Chapman]

It's too good for a kid. They always are busting something with it.

[Oliver Anderson]

Yeah, I know, but you can watch, Butch.

[Mr. Chapman]

It sure is a beauty, Anderson. Gee, I bet I could kick it a mile.

[Oliver Anderson]

Not holding it that way, you couldn't. Here, here, let me show you.

[Mr. Chapman]

Let go of that ball. I know how to kick him, but

[Oliver Anderson]

I just want to show you the right way.

[Mr. Chapman]

Oh, I'm a stoop, huh? Well, don't know nothing. You're going to show me.

[Oliver Anderson]

Now, wait a minute, brother. You kick it any way you want, but you don't hold the laces down.

[Mr. Chapman]

Say, look, Anderson, I kick footballs before you even know how to hold them.

[Mary Anderson]

Oh, boys, it's late now. Maybe Mr. Chapman should take the ball on home.

[Mr. Chapman]

Yeah, yeah, you're right. But don't try to tell me how

[Oliver Anderson]

to hold a football, okay? You know?

[Mr. Chapman]

Of course I do. Come on outside and I'll show you how it works.

[Mary Anderson]

It's kind of dark, Mr. Chapman.

[Mr. Chapman]

Ah, that's okay, that's okay. I'll just boot it easy. It ain't like some kid doing it. Come on. Come on out.

[Junior Anderson]

Be careful now.

[Mr. Chapman]

Don't worry, don't worry. Stand back.

[Oliver Anderson]

The strings are down.

[Mr. Chapman]

Oh, what? Stand back now. Here she goes. I'm going to boat her a mile, brother.

[Oliver Anderson]

Look at it go up.

[Mr. Chapman]

Nothing to it. Theory's all right, but. Hey, hey, where's it going?

[Junior Anderson]

The wind.

[Mary Anderson]

It's going over the house.

[Oliver Anderson]

Remember, it's your football, Chapman.

[Mr. Chapman]

Ain't nobody else's. I ain't gonna get it.

[Mary Anderson]

Oh, my goodness. Right through Mr. DeLancey's greenhouse. If you just left well enough alone.

[Oliver Anderson]

Oliver, he didn't hold it right.

[Junior Anderson]

He sure can kick, though, Pop.

[Oliver Anderson]

Well, that's beside the point. I'm out $15 and he's out 15 more for the glass. You know, Mary, boys and footballs are a menace, dear.

[Mary Anderson]

Maybe Mr. Good had something after all with that fragile as fine spun glass idea.

[Oliver Anderson]

Now, don't start that, uh oh, here we go again.

[Mary Anderson]

Fol.

[Narrator]

The Anderson Family is written by Howard Swart, directed by Herb Litton, and features Dick Lane as Oliver, Louise, Arthur as Mary, Walter Tetley as Junior and Herbert Rollinson as Homer. Mr. Good was played by Ray Erlenborn Chapman by Doug Young and the sales girl by Ginny Johnson. Music by Gordon Kibbe and your announcer is Ken Peters. The Anderson Family is a Hollywood broadcaster's production. Transcribed from Hollywood.

[Event Announcer]

Get ready to rev those engines. The 2026 Les Schwab Classy Chassis Parade and car show is back in East Wenatchee, Washington. Kick things off Friday, May 1st at 6:00pm for the Big parade plus the after party with live music. Then join us on Saturday, May 2nd at 10:00am at the Eastmont Community park for the car show. It's two days of class, classic cars, food, music and free family fun for everyone. For all the details, visit eastwanachiwa.gov we'll see you there.

[Cool Stuff Daily Host]

Every day, the world gets a little weirder and a lot more awesome. Cool Stuff Daily takes a look at everything from mining in space to the latest in the fight against cancer to how AI is, well, basically changing everything. It's all the cool stuff you didn't know you needed to know. Join us for Cool Stuff Daily as we take a quick look at science, tech and the.

[Mr. Chapman]

Wait, what?

[Cool Stuff Daily Host]

Stories that make you sound way smarter at dinner. Subscribe to Cool Stuff Daily now because the future's happening fast and it's way too fun to miss.