Andrews Sisters - Guest - Marjorie Main

Summary

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Podcast Summary: Harold's Old Time Radio

Episode: Andrews Sisters – Guest: Marjorie Main
Date: March 28, 2026

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Episode Overview

This episode of “Harold’s Old Time Radio” features the Andrews Sisters in a classic musical comedy radio show from the Golden Age, guest-starring beloved character actress Marjorie Main. Set on a lively Western ranch, the episode is brimming with toe-tapping music, country hijinks, and witty repartee. The comedy centers around the sisters, Gabby Hayes, and their eccentric ranch crew as they prepare for the arrival of a schoolteacher (Marjorie Main), while songs and satire illuminate wartime America's everyday struggles and joys.

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Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. Opening Banter & Musical Number

• Setting the Scene: The show opens with upbeat Western banter and introduces the main cast, including guest Marjorie Main. Gabby Hayes delivers a comedic monologue that quickly segues into a rendition of “When Johnny Comes Marching Home” (01:25).
  • Notable Quote: "The poor kid swoons every time she tosses a mop handle." – Gabby Hayes (03:16)
• Love Triangle Antics: Lighthearted banter about Laverne pining over the absent Frankie and the unrequited affections of Oliver brings out the playful dynamic among the ranch hands.

2. Wartime Rationing Reflection

• Rationing PSA (07:30): The narrator uses the proverb “waste not, want not” to reflect on food rationing, highlighting both the practical and patriotic spirit of the time.
  • Quote: “Don’t waste anything and don’t hanker too much after what you can’t get.” – Narrator (07:30)
• Kelvinator’s Wartime Pledge: The ad acknowledges the company's shift to wartime production and promises new innovations for peacetime.

3. Ranch Life & Comedy with Guests

• Preparing for the Schoolmarm (09:33): Staff hustle to get ready for the county seat’s schoolteacher, leading to classic misunderstandings, jokes about income taxes, and kitchen antics.
  • Quote: “If you want to cook on this here ranch, you better give me advance on my advance.” – Narrator/Alamo (09:57)
• Comedy on Income Tax:
  • “You know what income tax is. Spell that backwards. That’s apple trash.” – Narrator/Alamo (10:49)

4. Marjorie Main’s Arrival

• Schoolmarm Arrives (12:42): Marjorie Main is welcomed with characteristic ranch ribbing and boasts.
  • “She look more like the county seat.” – Oliver (13:01)
  • Playful jabs about ranch fashion and the old days of showbiz add to the nostalgic feel.
  • Quote: “Even Wally Berry looks good to me now.” – Marjorie Main (13:13)

5. “Classroom” Hijinks

• Old-fashioned Lesson (17:10): The schoolteacher tries to get the unruly “students” (ranch hands) in order. Word games, mispronunciations, and puns fly.
  • “I brought an apple.”—Gabby Hayes (17:21)
  • “What does a bee make?... That ain’t exactly right. But you’re getting close, Honey.” – Gabby Hayes (19:17)
• Song Performance - "Honey" (19:20): Musical interlude lightens the scene.

6. Meta Moments & Fourth-wall Fun

• The Gals Do the Commercial (22:04): The Andrews Sisters cheekily request to do a commercial, performing a playful, rhythmic ad about Nash motor cars and war rationing.
  • Quote: “We’ve wanted to be announcers for so long.” – Betty Andrews (22:04)
  • The commercial weaves in fun lyrics about peacetime hopes and the Nash brand.

7. Departure & Heartfelt Goodbye

• Telegram and Farewell (24:08): Marjorie Main receives a telegram that her school is repaired, signaling her imminent departure.
  • “Do you really think the kids burnt down the schoolhouse? ...I burned it down myself.” – Marjorie Main (24:53)
• Closing Song - “Ain’t We Got Fun” (25:03): The cast reflects on good times amid hard days, blending wartime optimism with musical joy.

8. Wartime Reminder

• Tax Reminder (27:11): Comedy and practical advice mix as Marjorie Main reminds everyone about filing taxes—a patriotic act in wartime.
  • “The money we pay in taxes tops the taste of victory.” – Marjorie Main (27:56)

9. Next Week's Teasers

• Looking Ahead (28:10): The Andrews Sisters tease upcoming episodes featuring Cat Colona and Bob Hope.
  • “Colona can’t come up... Because the Allies just talked to Cologne-la.” – Laverne Andrews (28:39)

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Memorable Quotes & Moments (with Timestamps)

• “The poor kid swoons every time she tosses a mop handle.” – Gabby Hayes (03:16)
• “Don’t waste anything and don’t hanker too much after what you can’t get.” – Narrator (07:30)
• “If you want to cook on this here ranch, you better give me advance on my advance.” – Narrator/Alamo (09:57)
• “She look more like the county seat.” – Oliver (13:01)
• “Even Wally Berry looks good to me now.” – Marjorie Main (13:13)
• “We’ve wanted to be announcers for so long.” – Betty Andrews (22:04)
• “Do you really think the kids burnt down the schoolhouse? ...I burned it down myself.” – Marjorie Main (24:53)
• “The money we pay in taxes tops the taste of victory.” – Marjorie Main (27:56)
• “Colona can’t come up... Because the Allies just talked to Cologne-la.” – Laverne Andrews (28:39)

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Notable Segments

| Timestamp | Segment Description | |-----------|-----------------------------------------------| | 01:25 | Opening musical number: “When Johnny Comes…” | | 07:30 | Food rationing and wartime reflection | | 09:33 | Ranch crew prepares for the schoolmarm | | 12:42 | Marjorie Main’s comical entrance | | 17:10 | Schoolteacher “classroom” hijinks | | 19:20 | Musical segment: “Honey” | | 22:04 | The Andrews Sisters’ playful commercial spot | | 24:08 | Telegram & goodbye scene with Main | | 25:03 | Closing musical performance: “Ain’t We Got Fun”| | 27:11 | Income tax and wartime patriotism message | | 28:10 | Announcements for next week’s guests |

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Summary

Brimming with nostalgia, laughter, and harmony, this episode delivers the classic charm of radio’s golden era. The Andrews Sisters and Marjorie Main navigate rural mishaps, wartime changes, and ever-present hope with wit and song. Both the script and performances offer a warm, patriotic snapshot of American humor and resilience during World War II—a perfect listen for newcomers or seasoned fans of vintage radio.

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Transcript

[Cole Swindell]

Hey, it's Cole Swindell. And when I spend 200 days a year rolling down the highway the bus can start to feel smaller than a guitar case. Everyone wonders how I stay chill while the hours crawl by. Truth is, one good luck spent on Chumba and suddenly the trip feels a whole lot shorter. Finding your space even when there isn't much to spare need some chill? Let's Chumba.

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[Narrator/Announcer]

Nator, builder of Nash Motor Cars, Kelvinator and Leonard Home Appliances, presents the Andrew Sister show with the top few Dr. Of the week. One of the stars of Bethel, Golden Mayor, Technicolor musical Mickey in St. Louis, Ms. Marjorie Maine with your George, Gabby Hayes, Marvin Miller, Dewey Alamo Marcum, Paul Willing and the writers of the Purple Sage, Vic Schoen and his Orchestra. And starring the Andrew Sisters,

[Gabby Hayes]

The Sergeant Girl. I will carry on when Johnny comes marching home Comes marching home again Alive we'll give him a hearty welcome and alone. Marching home again Around Singing shout around you'll able to find him riding in the general

[Oliver]

bravery

[Gabby Hayes]

I'll carry on when Johnny comes marching home again. All or nothing at all the knock is gone and I want you all. Oh, laverne, Frankie's been gone from the range for a week. You've got to forget him. Forget him? But he's so wonderful. The way he rides and look and LeBron look. After all, he's only a singer. Oh, no, Maxim. Frankie's a great musician. You could hear him play the pickle. Laverne, you don't have to be a great musician to do that. Anybody can learn to play the piccolo from the inside.

[Oliver]

Is laverne still mooning around over that chernoply maverick tip? She sure got it bad.

[Gabby Hayes]

Bad. Why, the poor kid swoons every time she tosses a mop handle.

[Oliver]

Laverne, I don't see what you want to pine over that buzzard fer with a husky man like me around.

[Gabby Hayes]

Thank you, Oliver. Walk over with the mop handle when you can have the mop.

[Oliver]

Never mind the mop. Look at my physique. Why, the gals look at me and say, what a pair of shoulders. Then they look at that skinny coyote

[Narrator/Announcer]

and say, what's a pair of shoulders?

[Gabby Hayes]

Oh, now, Gabby, you couldn't be jealous, could you?

[Oliver]

Oh, be jealous of sir not break. I'd sooner be jealous of a motherless calf. Why, he's so anemic that when he stays out all night, Only one eye gets bloodshot.

[Gabby Hayes]

Where's the phone? I'll get it. Kids and your sister's ate to the by ranch. Patty, to keep one in the middle speaking. It did. Oh, that's wonderful. That'll make the children in town very happy. Pat, what happened? Oh, the school house with the commie seat just burned down.

[Oliver]

I hope my old man got out all right.

[Gabby Hayes]

Oh, yes, we'll be glad to have you. We'll reserve a room just for you. Goodbye. Another reservation, Tom? Yes. The school mom at the county seat wants to spend a few days on the ranch while repairs are being made on the schoolhouse. Cool, mom, eh?

[Oliver]

Well, now, that's for me. Reminds me of the time in Dodge City when two school moms was just mad about me. I'll never forget the day they decided to shoot it out, see which one would get me.

[Gabby Hayes]

Well, which one got you?

[Oliver]

Both of them. One of them in the leg and t' other in the hip.

[Gabby Hayes]

Oh, Gabby. Say, come to think of it, kid, this school teacher might teach those talents to manners. And then when we have city dudes on the ranch, they'll know how to act. And incidentally, Gabby, you need to be taught some manners.

[Oliver]

What have I done now?

[Gabby Hayes]

Well, for instance, last night you reached all the way across the table for the bread. Then you reached across the table for the meat. Gabby, don't you have a tongue?

[Oliver]

Yeah, but my arms are on there.

[Gabby Hayes]

You see, that's what I mean. I think this school teacher will help our ranch a lot. Well, that's good. Well, that's good. Good, good,

[Narrator/Announcer]

Good, good.

[Gabby Hayes]

Like you, like you. Good, good, good. Like you, like you. You take. She lives like sweeter than a lollipop and every time I kiss you I hate to stop I wreck my brain A gentleman. Yum, yum, yum. I love a word you eat mer city. The day I ever learned is vocabulary. And so I use the language that I have on me by making love to you I never. You're doing a lot of studying lately. What are you cramming for?

[Narrator/Announcer]

Oh, I'm not exactly cramming, cat. I just like to take old proverbs and break them down. Take, for example, the old saying, waste not, want not. Well, that's been given a new twist in these days of food rationing. For in addition to its original meaning, we've learned to interpret it as follows. Don't waste anything and don't hanker too much after what you can't get. Yes, we Americans have learned to conserve vital supplies and to take shortages of many items right in our stride here at Kelvinator. Today we're producing solely for the fighting front. But we do pledge you that when our war job is done, we will bring you new Kelvinator refrigerators, electric ranges and home freezers. New and finer home appliances that will make your kitchen truly the heart of your home. Meanwhile, depend on this, your Kelvinator dealer and all other home appliance dealers stand by to help you keep your appliances at top efficiency until that day when you and he will have the great new products of tomorrow.

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[Narrator/Announcer]

I got Caliphins and Blisses waking for Andrew Sisters.

[Gabby Hayes]

Remember me, Miss Betty? I sure did, Alamo. You know we are the ranch guests coming in for the county seat and we want you to fix up a real good dinner.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Hey, Ms. Patty, how about a meal fit for key?

[Gabby Hayes]

Oh, that's fine, alamo.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Looky here. Ms. Patty, in regard to that matter of foreign policy.

[Gabby Hayes]

Foreign policy?

[Narrator/Announcer]

Yes, ma'.

[Oliver]

Am.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Could you possibly consider Lynn leasing me a few dollars to pay?

[Gabby Hayes]

But I don't know. I've already advanced you some money, Ms.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Petty. If you want to cook on this here ranch, you better give me advance on my advance.

[Gabby Hayes]

What do you mean?

[Narrator/Announcer]

Well, you see, I just got left from Mr. Morgenthau and I quote from the letter. Then, Mr. Alamo, concern of your income tax for last year, to wit, please repent.

[Gabby Hayes]

Why you shouldn't mind paying your income tax.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Oh, I don't mind paying my income tax at all. I love it.

[Gabby Hayes]

You do?

[Narrator/Announcer]

Yes, ma', am, for three good reasons. In the first place, I love my country. And in the second place, I am patriotic. And in the third place, Mr. Marvin Carr won't take it anyway.

[Gabby Hayes]

Well, I get the point. You mean you're broke?

[Narrator/Announcer]

No, ma'. Am not. Unless you call not having any money for you being broke. And you know what income tax is. Sell that backwards. That's apple trash.

[Gabby Hayes]

Well, we'll take care of that later, Alamo. Say, what are you gonna have for dinner? You know, that chicken you cooked last week was pretty good.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Oh, Ms. Petty, don't remind me of that chicken.

[Gabby Hayes]

No. Why not? It tasted all right, I know it.

[Narrator/Announcer]

But I got so mad stuffing that chicken that he and I got together and I could have killed him.

[Gabby Hayes]

Oh, Alamo, how you carry on.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Well, I'm going on back in the kitchen because here comes right over the purple sage singing Twiddle them tweedle them

[Oliver]

tweet twiddle them all Boys sing that.

[Narrator/Announcer]

They feel lazy running out maybe get that thrill we won't thrill we low thrilling and breathing we low thrill Wake up,

[Gabby Hayes]

Gabby. Gabby, for goodness sake.

[Oliver]

Hey, you mavericks, cut that shooting out there. We're expecting a school mom any minute.

[Gabby Hayes]

Oh, who do you think I am? Get your. Hi. Welcome to my man. Well, Ms. Main, welcome to the H. Barad. So you're the school teacher from the county seat.

[Oliver]

She look more like the county seat.

[Gabby Hayes]

I know. This is our ranch foreman, Gary Haynes. Is that Gary Haynes? It sure is. Even Wally Berry looks good to me now.

[Oliver]

Man, I've seen the water company dig up better looking manes than you.

[Gabby Hayes]

Hang them till Billy Haymick are on that alfalfa patch on that chili yarn. Ms. Main, we have a nice comfortable room for you. We hope you'll enjoy your stay here. Thanks. You know, you've got a smart couple ranch out here. Yes, we have 16 rooms and three baths. And we used to have four barrels, but Gabby took one.

[Oliver]

Yeah, there is a strong ways under.

[Gabby Hayes]

Well, you captive chicken, I may not be a raven duty now at all. I can look back on the days when I had plenty of good looks. That's just when I was on the stage. I was really something to look at in them days when I come out in them high bucking shoes and singing my buckle.

[Oliver]

Who was that?

[Gabby Hayes]

A calico version of both those men.

[Oliver]

Hey, I remember the day one of them shows come to our town. My PA told me not to dare go see it. Said there was things in the show a little boy shouldn't see. One day I sneaked in anyway.

[Gabby Hayes]

Did you see anything you shouldn't see?

[Oliver]

Yeah, my PA

[Gabby Hayes]

quiet daddy from his Main.

[Oliver]

We're sure.

[Gabby Hayes]

God you came to the ranch. You see, we think the boys could use a little more polish in handling the doodle. Come up yet? Well, now, maybe they do need polish it up. Gee, thanks. We have the bunk house cleared out for a costume. I'll be glad to have to go. Especially you, Patty. You remind me of a sweet young pupil I used to have. Quinn Malone's daughter Molly. You mean Sweet Molly Malone? Yes. Do you know it? Do I know Sweet Molly Malone? In golden times there go a story of love. Very true. It's very old.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Quiet.

[Gabby Hayes]

I will like that. All right, you chill, quivers. Now stay quiet. Macalla rose. Debbie hayes.

[Oliver]

Here.

[Gabby Hayes]

Marvin miller.

[Oliver]

Here.

[Gabby Hayes]

Julie judge wasn't and alamo martin.

[Narrator/Announcer]

We is all here.

[Gabby Hayes]

I'm her. I'm she. In who am I Blessed A little dang Drake the piper Come to order, Teacher. I brought an apple. Oh, that's nice of you. Now may I take a bite? Yes. Save the cor for me. Yes, here is something all you rank ham got to know about my st. Longhorn. Longhorn? Longhorn.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Leprechaun, ain't it?

[Gabby Hayes]

That's right.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Show up V O W. Longhorn.

[Gabby Hayes]

Correct. Sheppy Hayes.

[Oliver]

Yes.

[Gabby Hayes]

Well, Mississippi.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Mississippi.

[Oliver]

The state or River.

[Gabby Hayes]

All the ridiculous things ever heard of. I don't think you ever went to school.

[Oliver]

River went to school.

[Gabby Hayes]

Well, you must just dance. Cause you didn't learn very much. And they tell me at the square dance the other night she wouldn't do no dancing.

[Oliver]

Well, it was too proud.

[Gabby Hayes]

Too proud?

[Oliver]

None of the gals had danced with me. And I was too proud to ask any of the men.

[Gabby Hayes]

While we're on the subject of manners, Alamo, I saw you eating your peas with a knife. You know that ain't right, don't you?

[Narrator/Announcer]

Yes, sir. And now I'm going to eat like a gentleman.

[Oliver]

That's right. And I'm going to put them on

[Narrator/Announcer]

my shoulder and just roll them down.

[Gabby Hayes]

Now, let's. That's the kind of a thing I was referring to, Gabby. What's the idea of throwing that paper job at Marvin Miller? Stop it, Gabby, before you get in trouble.

[Oliver]

I don't care if I do get in trouble.

[Gabby Hayes]

Didn't you hear what I said, Debbie? You miss.

[Oliver]

That was my slow one.

[Gabby Hayes]

That's enough of you, Gabby. And now we're going to learn about life. The birds, the bees. What does a bee make? A bee mixed with the bees. That ain't exactly right. But you're getting close, Honey. Honey oh, we know that. I in love with you honey. No one else could do Honey.

[Oliver]

Every day will be.

[Gabby Hayes]

I in love with you honey Girl, you love me too Honey no one else will do my Little honey guy. He's very funny, but it's true. Don't let you come the side. Honey, your little heart, honey. Every day will be so funny.

[Oliver]

Honey, I'm in love.

[Gabby Hayes]

It's only. You are. Honey, I'm in love with you.

[Narrator/Announcer]

You know, a friend of ours remarked not long ago when the war is over, I'm going to pin a medal on this nice star of mine. Because I've learned that it was really Delta tapas. And if that Nancy could talk, it would probably say. And I'll pin one on you too because.

[Gabby Hayes]

Marv.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Oh, Daddy, what's mad?

[Gabby Hayes]

Look, Marv, how about giving us gals a chance to do the commercial? You know, we've wanted to be announcers for so long.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Sure, Betty, if you want to. That bad?

[Oliver]

Here.

[Gabby Hayes]

Oh, no thanks, Marv. You keep that one. We've got one of our own. Bought a car in Trinidad Best D car we ever had. Over up this road it goes like a flag, you know name and it rhymes with cash finance and tell the makers Must wake your afterwards you find a way better to stem high learned yucky dog. Oh, it's a fact, man, it's a fact. I hope that's now done. In our plan we use the Y government we work for boys who fight so well make us up to win and not to sell Buying ash and T N must wait till after war you find. No way,

[Narrator/Announcer]

Girls, that's it. I mean Strang. And so will your Nash dealer. When the day comes, he'll be ready to offer you new nice cars with the even greater comfort, the even greater dependability and the amazing gasoline economy that will make your new Nash the automobile that was worth waiting for.

[Gabby Hayes]

Charlie. Nice really makes a great.

[Oliver]

Hey, Miss Maine.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Almost forgot.

[Oliver]

Here's a telegram for you. Come this morning.

[Gabby Hayes]

Thank you, Cabbage. Jamie, wait a minute. Well, did you lose your classes? No, I've been so busy teaching so many. 20 years and ever won grade. Well, all it says is that your school has been repaired. And that school as accounting chief resumes tomorrow. Well, I reckon now I'm a happy vacation. And I bet you'll be glad to be back. Do you really think the kids burnt down the schoolhouse? No, they didn't do it. And what makes you so sure that I want a vacation? I'll burn it down myself. Well, Marjorie, we appreciate your coming up and we've enjoyed having you. Oh, thank you, girls. We sure had fun. Every morning.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Every.

[Gabby Hayes]

Not much money. Oh, honey, we got fun.

[Narrator/Announcer]

We

[Gabby Hayes]

have an adult. Our smile were made here all people Are good if we are closing our shows we have fun that our X is getting closer Here we have fun there's nothing sure, the rich get rich and the poor get poorer in the meantime in between time Ain't we got fun. Every evening, every morning don't we have fun? Queen bankers here pumping cares here don't we have fun? We're English stars Mama and pop are

[Oliver]

we down hard

[Gabby Hayes]

Come on, Ma the landlord's neighbor mad and it's getting madder

[Narrator/Announcer]

Ain't we got time?

[Gabby Hayes]

Oh, times are good but they're getting

[Narrator/Announcer]

better still we have fun there's nothing

[Gabby Hayes]

sure, it gets rich and we have children in the meantime in the meantime Ain't we got fun. Sunday breakfast on the table and we are fun in my head Locked in the table we can't say the felt on the morale who cares for feet, Bill? Oh, we've got a morale these darling guests are coming don't we have fun? Hope is gonna stand Corona Hope we have fun Things all can flabby but you can have hope Wish stuff with Jabby in the meantime in between time. Hey, Maggie, don't you have something to say about income taxes? Well, it's just this, pat. Everyone whose 1944 income was $500 or more must file an income tax return not later than midnight of March 15th. That's next Thursday night. And don't forget, folks, the money we pay in taxes tops the taste of victory.

[Oliver]

Don't look at me, Ms. Maxine. All made out and paid.

[Narrator/Announcer]

Ms. Patty, you have a telegram that's come over the telephone and I trust you can extinguish the massage.

[Gabby Hayes]

Well, let me look at it. Andrew Sisters, MK8 to the Barb student coming up to look at your cab. Hope you're in good shape. Next Sunday. Signed, Jerry Cole. Doing all the. Okay, Cat. Colona's coming up next Sunday. And get this week after that. Bob Hope will be here, but Colona can't come up. Why not, Laverne? Because the Allies just talked to Cologne La. See y' all next week, everybody. And thanks, Marjorie Maine, for dropping in today. We'll be with you next Thursday afternoon.

[Narrator/Announcer]

The Andrew Sister show is brought to you from Hollywood by Nash Kelvinator, peacetime manufacturer of Nash motor cars and Leonard home appliances now devoted 100% of production for war. The Andrew Sister show with larger remain will be transmitted to our troops overseas by short waves and through the worldwide facilities of the Armed Forces Radio Service. Marine may be seen in the new metro golden male picture called the Harvey Girl. Gabby Hayes is under contract to Republic Pictures. This is Marvin Miller Speaks.

[Oliver]

Broadcasting company.

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