Atlanta Radio Theatre Company 06-10-19 (08) Guerilla Radio Theatre

Summary

Harold's Old Time Radio - Episode Summary: Atlanta Radio Theatre Company 06-10-19 (08) Guerilla Radio Theatre

Release Date: August 7, 2025

Host: Harold's Old Time Radio

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Episode Overview

In this engaging episode of Harold's Old Time Radio, the Atlanta Radio Theatre Company presents four captivating selections from their Guerrilla Radio Theatre series. Recorded live in 2003 at Manuel's Tavern in Atlanta and co-sponsored by the Fellowship of Reason, the episode showcases a blend of comic satire and thought-provoking narratives. Each play delves into unique themes, ranging from satirical takes on law enforcement to futuristic inventions, all delivered with sharp wit and creative flair.

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1. Swatting the Books by Ron N. Butler

Timestamp: [02:44] - [07:21]

Summary: Swatting the Books is a satirical take on law enforcement zeal and bureaucratic overreach. The play unfolds with Winston and Agnes—a married couple—being forcefully entered by members of the Fulton County Library System's paramilitary unit. Mistaken for a DEA operation, the library agents aggressively seize Winston and Agnes under the guise of recovering overdue library books.

Key Points:

• Misidentification of Authority: The library agents mistakenly present themselves as a combination of DEA, FBI, and other federal units, highlighting absurd bureaucratic confusion.

  Library Agent: "You're the federal criminal library agent. I have you in the millimeter sight of my AR-15." ([04:07])

• Parody of Overbearing Institutions: The portrayal of librarians in black body armor points to a humorous exaggeration of institutional authority.

  Agnes: "And since since Agnes and I were in enforcement anyway, we got to thinking." ([04:16])

• Absurd Resolution: The confrontation ends abruptly when Winston is "shot" with a water pistol, revealing the over-the-top nature of the scenario.

  Winston: "You shot me. Blood. There's blood everywhere. I'm wet with. This is water. Oh, God. You shot me with a water pistol, you moron." ([05:36])

Notable Quote:

Library Agent: "Look, you can't get an increase in your budget unless you've got a paramilitary unit." ([03:55])

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2. Nosy Net by Daniel Taylor

Timestamp: [08:11] - [11:04]

Summary: Nosy Net explores themes of privacy invasion and bureaucratic intrusion within the banking sector. Winston applies for a loan at the District of Columbia Federal Bank, only to find that his personal and financial life is meticulously exposed through a fictional database called "Nosynet."

Key Points:

• Privacy Concerns: The play critiques the erosion of personal privacy through technological advancements and governmental oversight.

  Library Agent: "Nosynet for short. The federal government requires all privately owned databases over a certain capacity to provide an Internet gateway." ([08:47])

• Satire on Overregulated Finance: The bank agent's interrogation of Winston's personal spending habits underscores the absurd lengths to which institutions might go under the guise of financial regulation.

  Library Agent: "Your credit history is just a few keystrokes. Away now that our computer has accessed the National Online Secured Inquiry Network." ([08:47])

• Irony and Rejection: Despite detailing Winston's financial missteps, the agent nonchalantly dismisses their relevance to the loan application, highlighting bureaucratic inefficiency.

  Library Agent: "Well, I suppose it really doesn't matter, does it?" ([10:51])

Notable Quote:

Library Agent: "Only for appropriately sanctioned purposes, of course." ([08:47])

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3. In Human Rights by Ronin Butler

Timestamp: [11:08] - [16:25]

Summary: In Human Rights is a vibrant and chaotic exploration of conflicting environmental and ethical activism groups. Set in Professor Erasmus Tutwiler's office at UC Irvine, the play features confrontations between animal rights activists and a peculiar group advocating for the ethical treatment of flora and microorganisms.

Key Points:

• Conflict Between Activist Groups: The clash between PETA-like organizations for animals and their counterparts for plants and microorganisms underscores the complexities of environmental activism.

  Agnes: "People for the Ethical Treatment of Asparagus. You will pay for your crimes against the flora of the earth." ([12:25])

• Humorous Accusations: The exaggerated charges against Professor Tutwiler, such as "tree torture" and "wearing the corpses of plants," infuse the play with dark humor.

  Agnes: "Do you deny that you have mutilated and stunted the growth of trees for your sadistic amusement?" ([12:36])

• Absurd Arrest Procedures: The futile attempts to arrest with nonsensical justifications and the playful banter between activists highlight the ridiculousness of extreme advocacy measures.

  Professor Erasmus Tutwiler: "Smallpox is only the most endangered viral species on Earth..." ([15:00])

Notable Quote:

Agnes: "We would have had Tutwiler usefully fertilizing the daisies by now if your lot hadn't come busting in." ([15:27])

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4. Shape of Things to Come by Daniel Taylor

Timestamp: [16:25] - [23:57]

Summary: Shape of Things to Come ventures into the realm of futuristic inventions and societal impacts. The play features Dr. Nikolas Tesla demonstrating his latest creation, the "Ergonomic Response Induction Engine," humorously dubbed the "orgasmatron," to host Jane Handley Page. The interaction delves into themes of technology, human desire, and the unpredictability of innovation.

Key Points:

• Futuristic Inventions: The introduction of the "ergonomic response induction engine" satirizes the blend of advanced technology with human intimacy.

  Winston (as Dr. Tesla): "I call it the ergonomic response induction engine." ([17:08])

• Technological Miscommunication: The humorous misunderstanding between Tesla and the host about the device's function adds a layer of comedy.

  Jane Handley Page: "So what does it do?"
  Winston: "It's a virtual sex chamber." ([17:33])

• Exploration of Human-Technology Interaction: The failed attempts to use the device underscore the unpredictable nature of integrating technology into human experiences.

  Jane Handley Page: "It didn't work. I mean, it didn't work." ([20:11])

• Climactic Chaos: The episode culminates in a chaotic scene involving the device malfunctioning, leading to humorous tension and unresolved tension.

  Winston: "This is the same thing that happened with the volunteers. Try a cold shower." ([21:12])

Notable Quote:

Winston: "Anybody could have built this thing. I wouldn't be surprised if there were a few thousand of them scattered around the country in home workshops and such." ([17:37])

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Concluding Insights

This episode of Harold's Old Time Radio masterfully blends humor with social commentary through its four distinct plays. From bureaucratic satire in Swatting the Books and privacy concerns in Nosy Net to the absurdity of extreme activism in In Human Rights and the unpredictable nature of futuristic inventions in Shape of Things to Come, each narrative offers a unique lens on contemporary issues. The inclusion of sharp dialogue, witty exchanges, and exaggerated scenarios not only entertain but also provoke thought on the societal structures and technological advancements that shape our lives.

Overall Notable Quote:

Podcast Host: "If they offend you or make you think, then the writers will be gratified and would love to hear from you." ([01:08])

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For more engaging episodes and productions, visit the Atlanta Radio Theatre Company's website at www.artc.org.

Transcript

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[Library Agent]

Try.

[Podcast Host]

Welcome to this week's podcast of the Atlanta Radio Theatre Company. For your listening enjoyment, we present four selections from Guerrilla Radio Theater as presented live in 2003 at Manuel's Tavern in Atlanta and co sponsored by the Fellowship of Reason. Tonight's pieces are comic satire. If they offend you or make you think, then the writers will be gratified and would love to hear from you. Both writers may be contacted via our website at www.artc.org, which also carries studio quality CDs of our other works for sale. On Saturday, October 28th at 8:00pm and Sunday, October 29th at 2:30pm the Atlanta Radio Theatre Company will bring you a collection of original audio dramas with a focus on horror and dark fantasy. Into the Labyrinth preserves the time honored tradition of using the magic of radio to spark the imaginations of its listeners, this time with a slant towards the macabre. We will present a selection of short comic subjects with a Halloween theme, culminating with our feature horror presentation, Throne of Shadows by Thomas E. Fuller. This year's performance will be at Stage Door Players near Perimeter Mall in the North DeKalb Cultural Arts Center, 5339 Shambly Dunwoody Road, Dunwoody, GA 30338. Our first program is Swatting the Books by Ron N. Butler.

[Winston]

What the dickens is that?

[Agnes]

Open up. I think so. It's knocking on the front door.

[Winston]

At this hour? It's. It's.

[Library Agent]

I said open up in there.

[Winston]

Three o' clock in the morning.

[Library Agent]

Okay, get the battering ram.

[Agnes]

Oh my God. They've broken down the front door. Burglars free.

[Library Agent]

Hands up.

[Agnes]

Yo, move.

[Winston]

Assume the position, please don't shoot. My wallet's on the dresser.

[Library Agent]

Screw your wallet. This is a bust.

[Agnes]

Police. The SWAT team?

[Melanie]

Not exactly.

[Winston]

Dea. There aren't any drugs in this house.

[Library Agent]

There aren't?

[Winston]

No, there aren't.

[Agnes]

No, we're not dea.

[Library Agent]

FBI? Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and. What is that last one?

[Melanie]

Firearms. No, we're not the batf. Jeez, just read our body armor.

[Winston]

It's kind of dark in here. It's fcls. Federal Criminal.

[Melanie]

Actually, it's Fulton County Library System.

[Agnes]

Librarians.

[Library Agent]

Your librarians? I'll ask the questions. What is the library doing breaking down our door in the middle of the night?

[Agnes]

And since when do librarians run around in black body armor pointing guns at.

[Melanie]

People like it's a funding thing?

[Winston]

Funding?

[Library Agent]

Look, you can't get an increase in your budget unless you've got a paramilitary unit. I mean, first the FBI had the hostage rescue team, and Homeland Security is all over the place. Police departments have had SWAT teams for years.

[Melanie]

And look at the Immigration and Naturalization Service. With the great job they did rescuing that little Cuban boy, you can bet they'll get an uptick in their budget next year.

[Winston]

Funding.

[Melanie]

And since Agnes and I were in enforcement anyway, we got to thinking.

[Library Agent]

Wait a minute. Enforcement at a library? Well, I keep the kids from pulling up porn on the Internet and I.

[Melanie]

Wake up the homeless guys at closing time and prod them outside. And let me tell you, phew, there was this one guy, Stanley. Anyway, we set up the publication Repatriation Assault Team. This is our first night out, and you're our first perps.

[Winston]

But what exactly does the publication. Repatriation Assault Team.

[Library Agent]

Just a second. Six weeks overdue. 1. A copy of ISBN 05254 906242. Alice's Adventures in Wonderland by Carol Lewis.

[Melanie]

Oh, that's a great book. Especially the opium imagery. I can't blame you for keeping.

[Library Agent]

I returned that book a month ago. That's what they all say. Can you prove it? Have you got a receipt?

[Winston]

A receipt for a library? Fine. Who gets it?

[Library Agent]

Yes, I do. The librarian was this peculiar little girl with her hair in braids. She had studs in her lower lips, so I couldn't understand her very well, but she was very insistent that I take a receipt. Dammit, Melanie. Okay, well, where is it? Well, I guess it's still in my wallet in my purse.

[Winston]

Here, I'll get it.

[Library Agent]

Don't move.

[Agnes]

Don't move.

[Winston]

Look, I'll just get her purse.

[Agnes]

Shut him. Shut.

[Jane Handley Page]

Shut.

[Professor Erasmus Tutwiler]

Oh, my God.

[Winston]

You shot me. Blood. There's blood everywhere. I'm wet with. This is water. Oh, God. You shot me with a water pistol, you moron.

[Melanie]

Look, I'm real sorry, mister. It's all I had.

[Library Agent]

Stop right then. This is no water pistol I'm holding.

[Winston]

Oh, what is it? A Super Soaker?

[Library Agent]

A paintball gun?

[Agnes]

Don't move a muscle, Winston.

[Winston]

It's just a.

[Agnes]

Do you want to get paint out.

[Library Agent]

Of my mother's goose down comforter?

[Agnes]

Do what she says.

[Winston]

This is ridiculous. I'm going to turn on the light.

[Agnes]

Winston, no, that's the one with the. With the short circuit.

[Library Agent]

Oh, Winston.

[Winston]

My heart. My chest hurts.

[Agnes]

If he has a heart attack, I swear I'll sue Fulton county and you too, personally for every penny that.

[Library Agent]

Oh, forget it, sister.

[Professor Erasmus Tutwiler]

What?

[Library Agent]

Sovereign immunity. What do you mean, sovereign immunity?

[Melanie]

That means we're public servants, you know, just doing our job. And you can't sue us unless the government decides to let you that chance.

[Winston]

Calm down, hon. I'm feeling a little better. I think I'll be okay.

[Library Agent]

Yeah, well, let's just let it go this time. Tell you what, we'll just assume you've got that receipt. Okay?

[Melanie]

So this was all just a little mistake in we're square. Okay.

[Agnes]

What about our front door?

[Library Agent]

Sovereign immunity. Oh, just a moment. Does a Henderson comma Ian live around here? 5:50 promenade.

[Agnes]

I am not going.

[Library Agent]

Oh, two doors down on the left. Thank you. You're welcome.

[Winston]

Wow.

[Melanie]

Eight weeks overdue. Hit the White Bart by Ayub Masad.

[Winston]

Are they gone?

[Library Agent]

Finally. Oh. Are you gonna be all right?

[Winston]

I think so. Wait a sec. Were they looking for Henderson down the street?

[Library Agent]

Yes.

[Winston]

Gun nut Henderson.

[Library Agent]

I've never called him that.

[Winston]

The guy who won't buy Girl Scout cookies unless the Girl Scouts join the nra? Does he do.

[Jane Handley Page]

Does he do that?

[Winston]

I think we need to call the police right now. In fact, I think we'd better call 911.

[Library Agent]

Oops.

[Winston]

On second thought, I guess there's no great big hurry.

[Library Agent]

Yes, dear, anything you say.

[Podcast Host]

Our second program is Nosy Net by Daniel Taylor. Welcome to a new era in banking.

[Library Agent]

Thanks for coming in to apply for a loan. Have you finished filling out the form?

[Winston]

Is this all of it?

[Library Agent]

Of course. Just my name and National Identification Number. That's right.

[Winston]

My what?

[Library Agent]

I'm sorry. I mean your Social Security number, of course.

[Winston]

I see. That's all?

[Library Agent]

That's all.

[Winston]

No. How long in my present house?

[Library Agent]

Not necessary.

[Winston]

How many credit cards do I have?

[Library Agent]

I'll have that in a moment.

[Winston]

What?

[Library Agent]

Your credit history is just a few keystrokes. Away now that our computer has accessed the National Online Secured Inquiry Network.

[Winston]

The what?

[Library Agent]

Nosynet for short. The federal government requires all privately owned databases over a certain capacity to provide an Internet gateway through which licensed agencies can access their data. Only for appropriately sanctioned purposes, of course.

[Winston]

Of course.

[Library Agent]

And one of those appropriate purposes is verification of credit history. Ah, here we are. The report's finished. Now, let's see. Here's your house payment. Oh, you missed an opportunity to refinance six months ago. That would have saved you a third thousand dollars a year in interest.

[Winston]

Really?

[Library Agent]

Yes. But don't worry, that's not an automatic rejection anymore. Sometimes it's to our favor if you don't pay that much attention to your financial options.

[Winston]

What?

[Library Agent]

Oh, never mind. Oh my. That was an expensive vacation in Orlando last year, wasn't it?

[Winston]

No, no, that was work related. It was a seminar.

[Library Agent]

Really? But you charged two three day passes to Disney World on your Visa. And here. Here's where you took your wife to Lord and Taylor and charged almost $600 of ladies clothes.

[Winston]

That is.

[Library Agent]

Oh, wait, no, no, wait a minute. Here's your wife's signature on your Chevron credit card receipt. She bought gasoline at the service station across the street from your son's dentist. That happened about the same time. I guess you didn't take your wife to Orlando after all.

[Winston]

No, I didn't.

[Library Agent]

I see. But then who was the other person at dinner?

[Winston]

What?

[Library Agent]

At dinner? You went to a different night spot every night. Polynesian on Tuesday, French on Wednesday, and the Shakespearean theme restaurant on Thursday. A very expensive dinner for two every time.

[Winston]

Well.

[Library Agent]

And then you got back to your hotel room and ordered a bottle of champagne from room service and two breakfasts the next morning.

[Winston]

Well.

[Library Agent]

Well, I suppose it really doesn't matter, does it? I mean, this isn't really relevant to a loan application, is it?

[Winston]

Not really.

[Library Agent]

Of course not. Just as it isn't relevant that when your wife signs her own charges she buys size 11 dresses and she could never wear the size 7 wardrobe you bought in Orlando.

[Winston]

I suppose not.

[Library Agent]

Now let's discuss my fee first.

[Winston]

District of Columbia Federal Bank. Don't worry. We are from the government. We're here to help.

[Podcast Host]

Our third program is In Human Rights by Ronin Butler.

[Jane Handley Page]

Good afternoon. This is Jane Handley Page for I Am, You Are. He is a journal of alternative views and opinions. We're in the UC Irvine office of Professor Erasmus Tutwiler, prominent animal rights activist. Thank you for talking with us today, Professor.

[Winston]

A pleasure, Ms. Handley.

[Jane Handley Page]

Page, could you explain A bit about your philosophy for our audience, Professor.

[Winston]

Happy to. We in the animal rights movement believe that our fellow creatures are as entitled to the basic rights to life, life, health and security as any human. Our philosophy recognizes the underlying unity of.

[Agnes]

Erasmus Touchweiler, I arrest you in the name of the PETA Direct Action Strike Group and of the life forms you have slaughtered. Hands up.

[Jane Handley Page]

My. That's a very big gun you have.

[Winston]

Thank you, PETA, but I'm on the board.

[Agnes]

Not that PETA. People for the Ethical Treatment of Asparagus. You will pay for your crimes against the flora of the earth.

[Winston]

Crimes? What crimes?

[Agnes]

The first charge is tree torture. Do you deny that you have mutilated and stunted the growth of trees for your sadistic amusement?

[Winston]

I do bonsai in the evenings.

[Agnes]

You are condemned out of your own mouth. Do you deny that you have stolen and eaten the ungerminated young of plants? The evidence of your crime is right in front of you.

[Winston]

Evidence by evidence. All that's on my desk is a.

[Agnes]

Sack of sunflower seeds and it makes me sick. By Goddess Tutwiler, what depraved feast will you stoop to next?

[Jane Handley Page]

Eggs?

[Agnes]

And the third charge? Wearing the corpses of plants on your vile body?

[Winston]

It's from Banana Republic. They never told me.

[Jane Handley Page]

Is that why you're all dressed in those polyester disco outfits?

[Agnes]

No excuses. Tutwiler. I. I find you guilty of malicious herbicide. Prepare to atone for your crimes against flora by becoming fertilizer. One, two.

[Professor Erasmus Tutwiler]

Arrest Ms. Tutwiler. I arrest you in the name of the.

[Library Agent]

Hey.

[Professor Erasmus Tutwiler]

Who are you?

[Agnes]

The Peter Direct Action Strike Group.

[Professor Erasmus Tutwiler]

Peter. Hey, come on. Tutweiler's on your board. Geez, did he miss paying his dues or what?

[Agnes]

Not that, Peter. People for the Ethical Treatment of a Special Asparagus. Now. Who the hell are you?

[Professor Erasmus Tutwiler]

We're the Micro Rights Defense League, and we're here to terminate Erasmus Tutwala for his crimes against the microorganisms of this planet and his false consciousness as a phony booze worm animal rights activist.

[Agnes]

Well, you can't have him. We were here first.

[Professor Erasmus Tutwiler]

Doesn't count.

[Agnes]

Does.

[Professor Erasmus Tutwiler]

Doesn't.

[Agnes]

Does.

[Professor Erasmus Tutwiler]

Doesn't.

[Agnes]

Does.

[Jane Handley Page]

What does your group want Professor Tutwiler for?

[Professor Erasmus Tutwiler]

Well, first, for the criminal exploitation and mega murder of microorganisms. He was observed committing the crime earlier today at lunch at the faculty lounge.

[Winston]

What are you talking about? All I had for lunch was a cup of yogurt.

[Professor Erasmus Tutwiler]

See? See? He boasts of his crimes. Second charge. This. Ow.

[Winston]

Look at all my arm.

[Professor Erasmus Tutwiler]

See?

[Winston]

See? See? What? That's just my smallpox vaccination.

[Professor Erasmus Tutwiler]

Just a smallpox vaccination?

[Winston]

You're gonna want one soon.

[Professor Erasmus Tutwiler]

Smallpox is only the most endangered viral species on Earth, existing only as two, three tiny, pitiful, imprisoned colonies where once great tides of smallpox virus flourished within the bodies of Earth's mammals. Hey, come back here. Hey, guys with a window. Shoot him. Shoot him.

[Agnes]

I can't. The coward is hiding behind those azaleas.

[Professor Erasmus Tutwiler]

So what? Shoot em.

[Agnes]

But they're azaleas.

[Professor Erasmus Tutwiler]

They're just bushes. Waste em.

[Agnes]

Just bushes.

[Professor Erasmus Tutwiler]

Right?

[Agnes]

Right. Some respect for lifekind you have. We would have had Tutwiler usefully fertilizing the daisies by now if your lot hadn't come busting in. Damn. There he goes. This is all your fault.

[Professor Erasmus Tutwiler]

Hey, I'm not the one who let him get through the window.

[Agnes]

Why didn't you go gross some herpes? Germ kisser.

[Professor Erasmus Tutwiler]

Tree hugger.

[Agnes]

Go play with your puss collection.

[Professor Erasmus Tutwiler]

Petty bourgeois mackerel.

[Jane Handley Page]

Guys, don't do it. Guys, we wouldn't want to interrupt your ideological discussion, but is it okay if the crew and I go now?

[Winston]

Yes.

[Library Agent]

Get out of here.

[Agnes]

Just a minute. Is that a cotton blouse you're wearing?

[Jane Handley Page]

This is Jane Henley Page, concluding another installment of I Am. You are. He is. We'll be back next week with another show.

[Professor Erasmus Tutwiler]

Hey, and let's talk about that mouthwash I sell on your breath, shall we?

[Agnes]

You get used.

[Jane Handley Page]

Or at least. At least I hope we will.

[Podcast Host]

Our final program is the Shape of Things to Come by Daniel Taylor.

[Jane Handley Page]

Good evening and welcome to the Shape of Things to Come, where the Future Is Today. I'm your host, Jane Handley Page. And joining us today is Dr. Nikolas Tesla.

[Winston]

Good evening.

[Jane Handley Page]

Who is here to demonstrate his newest invention. So, Dr. Tesla, what does it do?

[Winston]

I'm so glad you asked. There are twin electromagnetic coils in the base and apex of the cylinder. They produce what I call a magnetoharmonic aura that passes through the human body like an ocean wave through water.

[Jane Handley Page]

I see. So what does it do?

[Winston]

It stimulates certain portions of the occupant's tactile awareness center and simultaneously sets up a localized oscillating wave directly in the pleasure center of the brain. I don't know how much more plainly I can say it.

[Jane Handley Page]

Nor I. So what does it do?

[Winston]

I call it the ergonomic response induction engine.

[Jane Handley Page]

Organomic. This is an orgasmatron.

[Winston]

Crudely put, but correct.

[Jane Handley Page]

A virtual sex chamber.

[Winston]

Don't be condescending. A lot of science nerds can't get Dates. You know, it's surprisingly simple. Anybody could have built this thing. I wouldn't be surprised if there were a few thousand of them scattered around the country in home workshops and such. I'm just the first person to tear myself away from it long enough to reach the patent office.

[Jane Handley Page]

You mean it actually works?

[Winston]

I'm here to tell you that it does, yes.

[Jane Handley Page]

And you're expecting me to try it?

[Winston]

Well, your program's exposure would help me secure funding.

[Jane Handley Page]

Well, what about this spandex body stocking you insisted I wear?

[Winston]

The matrix suit is saturated with locator sensors. That will help the onboard computer find you.

[Jane Handley Page]

Can I keep the robe on over it?

[Winston]

It's best if you don't. At least for the first session.

[Jane Handley Page]

If you insist. I'm glad this is radio.

[Winston]

After that, the computer's built its map and it doesn't matter what you. What you.

[Jane Handley Page]

It's very snug, isn't it?

[Winston]

What? Oh, I mean. Well, the computer needs the most precise locator response in order to map your.

[Jane Handley Page]

Your.

[Winston]

I mean, the suit stretches to fit every part of your. Oh, God.

[Jane Handley Page]

Yes. Well, now what? Doctor, my eyes are up here.

[Winston]

What? Oh, sorry. Well, we use the keypad to set the duration of your session. I think that three seconds will do.

[Jane Handley Page]

Three seconds.

[Winston]

Best not to overdo on your first time. In you go. Watch your step. Ah, there you are. Ready?

[Jane Handley Page]

Well, as much as I will ever be, I suppose.

[Winston]

Splendid. I'll close the door then. And there.

[Library Agent]

And.

[Winston]

Done. Now. Now, how was that, Ms. Henley? Paige. I.

[Library Agent]

It stopped.

[Winston]

How do you feel?

[Jane Handley Page]

I. How do I feel? Is this thing soundproofed?

[Winston]

What? Yes.

[Jane Handley Page]

Oh, good. So can I try it again?

[Winston]

Again? Why?

[Jane Handley Page]

Why? Why? It didn't work. I mean, it didn't work. Yes, that's it.

[Agnes]

It didn't work.

[Jane Handley Page]

Could we just try it again?

[Winston]

It didn't work. That's funny. It worked this morning. Let me just check the calibration on this thing.

[Jane Handley Page]

Can we please just try it again?

[Winston]

Well, I don't see why not.

[Jane Handley Page]

Maybe for a little more time.

[Winston]

More time? Oh, why not? Maybe it needs to warm up. I'll set it for five seconds at 10. Five. Ready?

[Jane Handley Page]

Oh, yes.

[Winston]

Hang on. There. And now. How was that, Ms. Henley? Page.

[Jane Handley Page]

I'm sorry. It's a very moving experience, isn't it?

[Winston]

So it worked this time?

[Jane Handley Page]

This time? Oh, yes. This time. Perhaps I should try it again, just to be sure.

[Winston]

Fool me once, shame on you.

[Jane Handley Page]

You have to let me try it again, Doctor.

[Winston]

This is the same thing that happened with the volunteers. Try a cold shower.

[Jane Handley Page]

You can't just leave after.

[Winston]

You're getting irrational, Ms. Hadley Paige. Besides, I have an appointment with Katie Couric in 30 minutes. I'm really looking forward to that.

[Agnes]

Katie Couric.

[Winston]

Wait. What are you doing? Get away from those controls.

[Jane Handley Page]

You can't have it. It's mine, I tell you.

[Agnes]

Mine.

[Winston]

Wait. Come out of there this instant.

[Professor Erasmus Tutwiler]

Come out. What?

[Winston]

What are you doing? Jane. Stop this crazy thing.

[Professor Erasmus Tutwiler]

Jan.

[Podcast Host]

This has been Guerrilla Radio Theater, a pastiche by the Atlanta Radio Theater Company.

[Winston]

We would like to thank our hosts.

[Podcast Host]

And sponsors, the Fellowship of Reason and Manuel's Tavern.

[Winston]

And we are your hosts, Terry Sanders and Alton Leonard.

[Podcast Host]

Thank you for listening. For further information on the Atlanta Radio Theater Company, please Visit our website, www.artc.org which carries studio quality CDs of our other works for sale. The Atlanta Radio Theater Company is a non profit 501c3 organization which is supported entirely through sales of RCDs, donations from listeners like you and ticket sales to our live performances. I am your host, Hal Wideemann and we are the Atlanta Radio Theater Company. And remember, there is adventure in sound.

[Winston]

All material is copyright by its creators or the Atlanta radio theatre company.

[Agnes]

Artc.org.