Avalon Time - Dinner With Edna

Summary

Episode Summary: Avalon Time – "Dinner With Edna"

Podcast: Harold's Old Time Radio
Host: Harold’s Old Time Radio
Episode Date: March 17, 2026
Episode: Avalon Time - Dinner With Edna

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Main Theme

This episode of “Avalon Time” brings listeners back to the golden era of radio comedy with Richard “Red” Skelton at the helm. The show is a light-hearted blend of offbeat news, comedic sketches, musical performances, and playful banter—epitomizing the early days of American radio entertainment when families gathered around the radio for laughter and music. The evening’s central sketch, “Dinner With Edna,” weaves classic domestic humor into Red’s on-air persona as a lovable, bumbling suitor intent on proposing marriage over a home-cooked meal.

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Key Discussion Points & Segments

1. Avalon Cigarettes Sponsor Messages

Multiple segments throughout the show feature enthusiastic and clever sponsorship for Avalon Cigarettes, emphasizing economy and quality ("3 to 5 cents less per pack," “money saving advantages”).

Notable Quotes:

• “You'd never guess, but Avalon cost you less.” – Edna Stillwell (00:37)
• “Avalons are quality cigarettes that sell for 3 to 5 cents less per pack than other popular price brands.” – Dell King (01:00)
• “Judging by the quality, you'd never guess Avalons cost you less.” – Dell King (18:04)

Timestamps: 00:35, 01:00, 17:48, 18:04

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2. Headline Hokum: Skelton’s Satirical News Monologue

Richard Red Skelton opens with a tongue-in-cheek roundup of peculiar headlines and witty social observations, poking gentle fun at current events, society, and himself.

Highlights & Quotes:

• On modern homes:
  "I built a very modern home...we even have a playroom for the termite." – Red Skelton (03:24)
• On women drivers:
  "They should be. They don't have to look at those hats." – Red Skelton (03:35)
• On prices:
  "The other day I bought a T-bone steak; it cost me 50 cents. For another dollar, I could have had meat on it." – Red Skelton (03:49)
• Playful jab at Congress:
  "I thought senators made their own bunk." – Red Skelton (04:13)
• On unlikely sports news:
  "Chicago Cubs win four straight games. That’s a misprint if I ever saw one." – Red Skelton (04:27)

Timestamps: 03:24 – 06:14

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3. Music Interlude – Jeanette’s “I Put My Heart Into a Song”

A romantic and earnest musical performance provides a tonal respite between the comedy sketches.

Notable Lyrics:
"If it never played on the hit parade, it will still contain a heart that is beating true… Here is my heart wrapped in a song. And if you take it, please don't tear my song apart." – Jeanette (06:14)

Timestamps: 06:14 – 08:30

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4. Slice of Life Sketch: “Dinner With Edna”

The comedic centerpiece: Red Skelton’s character arrives at Edna’s home for a dinner in which he intends to pop the big question. Their awkward, endearing courtship is interrupted by Edna’s wisecracking brother, Roger, leading to a series of playful negotiations, jokes about Edna’s inedible cooking, and a sweet, finally successful proposal.

Memorable Moments and Quotes:

• Setting up the date:
  “You mean that goon with the haunted look? Well, that guy should get married. He’s the most married looking single man I ever saw.” – Roger (09:16)
• Comedic sibling negotiation:
  “A dime? Hey listen, the price is $1 to everybody.” – Roger (10:23)
  “What's the extra 90 cents for?” – Red Skelton (10:27)
  “I just heard about the amusement tax.” – Roger (10:31)
• The dinner:
  “Hey, what kind of soup is this?” – Red Skelton (12:08)
  “That’s chicken.” – Edna Stillwell (12:17)
  “Must have walked through with stilts.” – Red Skelton (12:21)
  “Here, try one of my biscuits.” – Edna Stillwell (12:23)
  “Did you bake them over yourself?” – Red Skelton (12:26)
  “Brother had to help me lift them off the stove.” – Edna Stillwell (12:27)
• The proposal:
  “Look, a ring.” – Red Skelton (13:14)
  “Oh, an engagement ring.” – Edna Stillwell (13:15)
  “Do you think you can support a family?” – Edna Stillwell (13:24)
  “How many’s in your family?” – Red Skelton (13:25)
• Ending on a gag:
  “Where have you been in the rain?” – Edna Stillwell (14:58)
  “Well, you said I could stay here all night, so I went home after my pajamas.” – Red Skelton (14:59)

Timestamps: 08:30 – 15:12

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5. Music Segment – "Beale Street Blues" (Bob Strong’s Orchestra)

After the proposal sketch, the show transitions to a performance of “Beale Street Blues” featuring Bob Strong’s arrangement—meant to conjure the spirit of classic blues as a musical palette cleanser.

Timestamps: 15:12 – 17:48

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6. Final Sponsor Plug and Program Wrap-up

Dell King and Red Skelton seamlessly blend in one last cigarette sales pitch, reemphasizing the affordability and quality of Avalon Cigarettes while employing plumber-related humor for added charm.

Notable Quotes:

• “They plugged up the leak that was draining my pocketbook.” – Roger (17:53)
• “Maybe I forget my tools, see? But I never forget my Avalons.” – Roger (17:58)

Timestamps: 17:48 – 18:59

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Standout Quotes

• Red Skelton's signature self-deprecating humor:
  “Well, I didn't get over my water on the knee till yesterday.” (14:07)
• On braving the weather for love:
  “Well, you said I could stay here all night, so I went home after my pajamas.” – Red Skelton (14:59)
• Classic pun-laden one-liners:
  “Termite playroom,” “Meatballs in solitary confinement,” “Ripley sent it back—‘I don’t believe it.’” (various)

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Episode Flow and Tone

“Avalon Time – Dinner With Edna” is a breezy, quick-witted trip into nostalgia and farce. The comic timing, running gags (often at Red’s own expense), and gentle ribbing among cast members create an inviting, wholesome atmosphere emblematic of golden-age radio comedy. Every segment—be it news parody, romantic misadventure, or sponsor plug—delivers the show’s hallmark blend of warmth, wordplay, and musicianship.

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For New Listeners

This episode showcases why "Avalon Time" and Red Skelton became household names in the era before television, presenting a pitch-perfect blend of radio variety—topical standup, situation comedy, and classic musical numbers—all peppered with enduring humor and gentle mockery of everyday life.

Transcript

[Grainger Announcer]

If you work in university maintenance, Grainger considers you an MVP because your playbook ensures your arena is always ready for tip off. And Grainger is your trusted partner, offering the products you need all in one place, from H Vac and plumbing supplies to lighting and more. And all delivered with plenty of time left on the clock. So your team always gets the win. Call 1-800-GRAINGER visit grainger.com or just stop by Granger for the ones who get it done.

[Dell King]

A pack of Avalon cigarettes, please.

[Edna Stillwell]

Yes, sir. Just a moment, sir. Don't forget your change. You'd never guess, but Avalon cost you less.

[Richard Red Skelton]

So why not always Revlon with.

[Dell King]

Good evening, friends. Good evening. This is Dell King saying welcome to Avalon Time with Kurt Massey, Edna Stillwell, Jeanette, the Avalon chorus, Bob Strong and his orchestra and radio's redheaded ragamuffin, Richard Red Skelton. Ladies and gentlemen, do you know what one thing makes Avalons entirely different from any other cigarette on the market? Do you know why Avalon stand in a class by themselves? Simply one reason. Avalons are quality cigarettes that sell for 3 to 5 cents less per pack than other popular price brands. 3 to 5 cents less, mind you. A repeated saving that will net you many, many extra dollars in very short order. And certainly you can use a few extra dollars now and then. But bear this in mind, friends, without knowing, you'd never guess Avalon's cost you less. They're union made from a perfect blend of the finest Turkish and domestic tobaccos that money can buy. In fact, you couldn't get finer quality tobaccos in any other cigarette, regardless of price, guardless of brand. Truly, friends, Avalons offer you advantages. Money saving advantages that you'll certainly want to take advantage of. Why not try a pack of Avalons tonight? And now for our first flash in the fountain of uselessness, we bring you headline hokum as compounded, culled, cornered, coaxed and concocted from current questions by that querulous quixotic quindux red skeleton.

[Richard Red Skelton]

Thank you very much. What a quick nut. Thank you and good evening, ladies and gentlemen. And now for gossip news from coast to Coast, Washington, D.C. a famous educator said that children should be taught more about birds and bees. I agree with them. I think that the mother should tell the kids about the bees. My mother told me about the bees. And when I went into vaudeville, I found out about the birds. Building booms in the United States. Seem like everybody's building a new house. In fact, I just built a little place out in the suburbs. Suburbs, that's French For a long bus ride, I built a very modern home, though. In fact, it's so modern we even have a playroom for the termite. Chicago, Illinois experts say that women are better drivers than men. They should be. They don't have to look at those hats. But you know, women are getting to be better drivers. The other day I saw a woman hold out her hand to make a left turn and so help me, she actually turned left. In fact, three cops dropped dead. I sent it to Ripley, he sent it back. Says, I don't believe it. The price of food's going up. You know, that's really a fact. The other day I bought a T bone steak. It cost me 50 cents. For another dollar, I could have had meat on it. Atlantic City, New Jersey. A well known group of child psychologists decide that if a child is naughty at the dining room table. Do not spank them on an empty stomach. I mean on a full stomach. Rather turn them. Washington, D.C. the president of the United States called special session of Congress. One senator was hurrying to Washington, got indignant because the Pullman porter didn't have his berth ready. The porter says, how was I to know? I thought senators made their own bunk. News in the world of sports. Chicago Cubs win four straight games. That's a misprint if I ever saw one. Philadelphia Tony Galinto wins the heavyweight battle from Lou Nova. Last night after the fight, Tony Galinto was walking up Market street in Philadelphia. A tavern and one keg neds the other keg and says, there's the one with legs I was telling you about. Well, that just about takes care of the news for tonight. So I'll step aside and let Jeanette pour her heart into a song. Sing it pretty, Jeanette, but pretty.

[Jeanette]

I put my heart into a song and when you hear it, please remember from the star. You won't be hearing just the words and tune of a song. You will be listening to my heart. I put my heart into a song and I'm afraid the words I choose are not so smart. I couldn't think of clever things to say in my heart. I had to say it with my heart. If it never played on the hit parade, it will still continue contain a heart that is beating true. If it's not a hit, I won't mind a bit long as it conveys the love that I feel for you. Here is my heart wrapped in a song. And if you take it, please don't tear my song apart. For if you do, you won't be just destroying a song. You will Be tearing out my heart.

[Richard Red Skelton]

And now, ladies and gentlemen, we come to our slice of life. A short playlet about things that happen in everyday life. Things that you do and that I do. In fact, everybody does.

[Dell King]

What's this one about tonight, Red?

[Richard Red Skelton]

Well, it's about a young fellow that's in love and he's going to call on his girl. She's fixing dinner, see? And it's their first time alone. You set the scene, Dell.

[Dell King]

All right, Red. The place somewhere in your hometown. The time, 7 o'. Clock. The girl, Edna Stillwell. The boy, Red Skelton. The dinner hash. The girl is at her house fixing. The boy is at his house drooling. The scene opens at her house.

[Edna Stillwell]

Now, brother, you get out of here. Richard's coming over and I think he's going to ask me to marry him.

[Roger]

You mean that goon with the haunted look? Well, that guy should get married. He's the most married looking single man I ever saw.

[Richard Red Skelton]

Hey, Sis.

[Edna Stillwell]

Yes, what is it?

[Roger]

I think the wrong answer to a maiden's prayer is here.

[Edna Stillwell]

Well, let him in. I'm putting supper on the table.

[Roger]

Okay.

[Richard Red Skelton]

Hello, darling.

[Roger]

How are you, sweetheart?

[Richard Red Skelton]

Oh, pardon me. I thought you were Edna.

[Roger]

No, I always look this way after I take a hot bath.

[Richard Red Skelton]

Well, look, Edna said we were going to be here alone. Are you going to eat with us?

[Roger]

No, I don't think so.

[Edna Stillwell]

Oh, I'll be right out, Richard.

[Richard Red Skelton]

Okay, honey. Well, Roger, you better be going now. You'll be late for your scout meeting.

[Roger]

Ah, there ain't no scout meeting. Ain't no scout meeting tonight. Besides, I quit the Boy Scouts last week.

[Richard Red Skelton]

What's the matter?

[Roger]

My knees got cold. Anyway, I think I'll stick around. My sister's a nice girl and I don't like that glint you're trying to get in your eye.

[Richard Red Skelton]

Ah, come on, take a walk or something. Gee, you know how it is. Here's a dime.

[Roger]

A dime? Hey, listen, the price is $1 to everybody.

[Richard Red Skelton]

What's the idea? Used to scram when I give you a dime. What's the extra 90 cents for?

[Roger]

I just heard about the amusement tax.

[Richard Red Skelton]

Yes, well, here's a dime. Take it or leave it.

[Roger]

Now listen, I need a buck. Yeah, and by the way, who is that girl you were talking to yesterday? Huh?

[Richard Red Skelton]

Oh, well, it wasn't anybody in the particular.

[Roger]

Yeah, Sis sure would be sore if she found out about.

[Richard Red Skelton]

Yeah, she. Sure, you wouldn't dare. You know, you're a regular troublemaker, you are. Gee, you make anything out of nothing. All I did was Ask the girl what time it was.

[Roger]

You must be off lan minded. I saw you write it down.

[Richard Red Skelton]

Okay, here's your buck. Now beat it before I give you a bop of the head.

[Roger]

So long, fella. Hope you enjoy your dinner. And whatever happens, keep your chin up. Why, we just put a clean tablecloth.

[Richard Red Skelton]

So long, sis.

[Roger]

I'm going down to the drugstore.

[Edna Stillwell]

All right, but remember, no gambling. Oh, hello, dear. Are you hungry?

[Richard Red Skelton]

Yeah, a little bit. Gee, how are you? Gee, isn't it wonderful? Alone at last. Just you, me and my appetite.

[Edna Stillwell]

Oh, Richard, you're so romantic. I hope you like it. Here. I want you to act just like you're at home.

[Richard Red Skelton]

You mean I can't smoke?

[Edna Stillwell]

Don't be silly. Now take off your coat and let's eat.

[Richard Red Skelton]

All right. We have a tough time trying to digest those buttons.

[Edna Stillwell]

Oh, Richard, you're always making jokes. Sort of. Now, come on. I hope you like my dinner. I'm not a very good.

[Richard Red Skelton]

I'll bet you're a good cook.

[Edna Stillwell]

No, not very. Here, take the coffee and see if it's all right.

[Richard Red Skelton]

Okay. Is the coffee just a little chewy? Hey, what kind of soup is this?

[Edna Stillwell]

That's chicken.

[Richard Red Skelton]

Chicken? Yes, chicken. Must have walked through with stilts.

[Edna Stillwell]

Here, try one of my biscuits.

[Richard Red Skelton]

Did you bake them over yourself?

[Edna Stillwell]

Yes, but of course. Brother had to help me lift them off the stove.

[Richard Red Skelton]

I think I'll try one. Gee, who is your brother? Charles Atlas. Say, what are those things over there?

[Edna Stillwell]

They're stuffed peppers.

[Dell King]

What?

[Edna Stillwell]

Stuffed peppers? You know, meatballs in solitary confinement. I'll bet you're not enjoying your dinner. You've stopped eating.

[Richard Red Skelton]

I gotta get my breath once in a while. Besides, there's something I want to ask you for. You don't mind?

[Grainger Announcer]

Yes.

[Jeanette]

Well, you.

[Richard Red Skelton]

I've known you for about two years and. And as you know.

[Roger]

And?

[Richard Red Skelton]

And as you know, I. Well, there's a woman in back of every man's success. Except if she's a fan dancer.

[Roger]

And.

[Edna Stillwell]

And.

[Dell King]

Well.

[Richard Red Skelton]

Look, a ring.

[Edna Stillwell]

Oh, an engagement ring.

[Richard Red Skelton]

Yeah, On a clear day, you can see the d.

[Edna Stillwell]

Beautiful.

[Richard Red Skelton]

Are you like it?

[Edna Stillwell]

Yes, but do you think you can support a family?

[Richard Red Skelton]

Oh, I guess so. How many's in your family? Oh, gee, it's starting to rain. Oh, gee, what am I gonna do? I catch cold every time I get wet. And every time I get wet, I get pneumonia. Every time I get pneumonia, I'll stop

[Edna Stillwell]

it a few minutes. And besides, you just proposed to me.

[Richard Red Skelton]

Yeah, I know.

[Edna Stillwell]

Of course, I've had a lot of chances to get Married. But I figure, why take chances? Why, only yesterday I was asked to get married and I said I would.

[Richard Red Skelton]

Oh, gee, who asked you?

[Edna Stillwell]

My mother and father.

[Richard Red Skelton]

Well, I guess I'll just have to give up. You mean, wait You. You'll marry me?

[Edna Stillwell]

Certainly, silly. I've been waiting for you to ask me for a whole year.

[Richard Red Skelton]

Well, I didn't get over my water on the knee till yesterday. Oh, gee, this is wonderful. We get married tomorrow, huh? Look, I'll go home and then I'll pick you up early. Gee, it's raining awful hard out, though, isn't it?

[Edna Stillwell]

Well, we have a spare room if you don't mind sleeping in the attic.

[Richard Red Skelton]

Oh, I wouldn't mind the attic. I spent some of the happiest years of my life in the attic.

[Edna Stillwell]

Well, I wouldn't want you to get pneumonia.

[Richard Red Skelton]

No, I don't look so good in an oxygen tent. Well, it is kind of raining kind of hard. I hope I won't be putting you out.

[Edna Stillwell]

Oh, not at all. I'll go right up and fix it. You wait here. I'll be back.

[Richard Red Skelton]

All right. Oh, boy, I'm gonna stay up. Gee, I just happen to remember something.

[Edna Stillwell]

Come in. Look at you.

[Dell King]

Where?

[Edna Stillwell]

You're all wet.

[Richard Red Skelton]

I know.

[Edna Stillwell]

Where have you been in the rain?

[Richard Red Skelton]

Well, you said I could stay here all night, so I went home after my pajamas.

[Dell King]

The fellow that rode Beale Street Blues really had something. And we think that we've really got something here in Bob Strong's arrangement of it. Heading for Beale Street. Bob. Ladies and gentlemen, I asked a plumber who was working at my house if he ever smoked Avalon cigarettes.

[Richard Red Skelton]

And he said, sure, brother, I smoke Avalons. They save me plenty of dough.

[Roger]

They plugged up the leak that was draining my pocketbook.

[Richard Red Skelton]

You know, when I go on a

[Roger]

job, maybe I forget my tools, see? But I never forget my Avalons.

[Dell King]

Yes, friends, millions upon millions of people from coast to coast know that they've really found something in Avalons. A cigarette that positively cannot be surpassed in quality but costs 3 to 5 cents less per pack than other popular price brands. You'll certainly want to give Avalon cigarettes a trial. They're union made from extra select Turkish and domestic tobaccos masterfully blended to give you a smoke that wins the highest praise from those people who are hardest to please. Now, judging by the quality, you'd never guess Avalons cost you less. Three to five cents less. Perfect. A saving that will mean many, many extra dollars to you. So the next time you need cigarettes, remember, Avalons give you exceptional quality outstanding money saving economy. Buy a pack of Avalons tonight.

[Edna Stillwell]

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