Phil Davis (Singer) (3:25)

Yes?

Avalon Chorus / Singer (3:26)

It's time for Phil Davis to play a number.

Red Skelton (3:28)

Well, the microphone telling me where to get off at. I go for that. It's the name of the number they're gonna play. Play.

Avalon Cigarettes Announcer (5:37)

Ladies and gentlemen, consider this question for just a moment and see if it doesn't sound reasonable to you. Why pay more for your cigarettes when you can get finest quality in AvalonS for 3 to 5 cents less than other popular priced brands? Now, isn't that a logical question? Not that you can't afford it, mind you, but why pay that extra money on every pack you smoke when it isn't necessary? When you can get the high quality you demand in AvalonS for 3 to 5 cents less? And just one pack of Avalons will prove to you without question that they are a superior quality cigarette. They're 100% union made from the world's finest Turkish and domestic tobaccos, smoothly blended to give you a mellow, mild, truly enjoyable smoke. That's why you'd never guess they cost you less. What more could you possibly demand in a cigarette? Super fine tobaccos, a superior blend at a real saving. It's no wonder millions upon millions of people are switching to Avalons. The next time why don't you ask for Avalons and save the difference?

Dell King (Host) (7:08)

Here he is, folks, the singing star of Avalon time, Red Foley.

Red Skelton (7:19)

Well, howdy, Dell.

Dell King (Host) (7:20)

Howdy, folks.

Red Skelton (7:21)

And to be different. Hello, Red, Skeleton. Well, hello there, Red Foley. How are you? Say, how about starting a how to get in your song department, huh? Well, that suits me, son. Matter of fact, I'm kind of worried about how I'm going to get into this song tonight. Yeah? Well, why do you say? Over on the next page, My eyes are bad. I need glasses with beer in them, see? Don't worry though. We'll get you into something. What song you gonna sing tonight, Ray? I'm gonna sing those Funny Old Hills.

Dell King (Host) (7:50)

You're into it.

Red Skelton (7:50)

Sing it, boy.

Avalon Chorus / Singer (7:57)

I'm happy on the prairie all day Singing Lalee O lay and funny old hill Sing back to say Lele o Lee o le and far away. I love the foothills beyond the plain they love to echo my lonely place I'm happy on the prairie all the day Singing Lady Ole

Red Skelton (8:49)

Lady o' lay

Avalon Chorus / Singer (8:51)

and the funny old hill Sing back to say lady Old lady Old lady, Old lady O lilly bound far away

Red Skelton (9:03)

now Got no gal, got no pal

Avalon Chorus / Singer (9:06)

to keep me company Only got upon your heels Singing along with me But I happy and it's there I long to stay Singing Lalee O lay lady old lay While the funny old hill sing back and say Le o Leo Le oun far away Bounce all away.

Red Skelton (9:45)

Access to affordable credit helps me pay my employees, but I don't really need it. Inflation is killing me, but who cares? Big retailers are making record profits. That's why we support the Durbin Marshall credit card bill. See, banks and credit unions help small businesses make payroll. This bill would cut the vital resources they need while increasing megastore profits. They deserve it, don't they?

ZipRecruiter Announcer (10:11)

Tell Congress. Stop the Durbin Marshall money grab for corporate megastores paid for by the Electronic Payments coalition.

Avalon Cigarettes Announcer (10:17)

The following ZipRecruiter radio spot you are

Red Skelton (10:19)

about to hear is going to be

Avalon Cigarettes Announcer (10:21)

filled with F words.

ZipRecruiter Announcer (10:22)

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Red Skelton (10:59)

Fantastic.

ZipRecruiter Announcer (11:01)

So whether you need to hire four, 40 or 400 people, get ready to meet first rate talent. Just go to ZipRecruiter.com Zip to try ZipRecruiter for free. Don't forget that ZipRecruiter.com Zip finally, that's ZipRecruiter.com Zip.

Dell King (Host) (11:22)

Ladies and gentlemen, there comes a time in the life of every woman when a man needs $10. As we tune Into Red Skelton's office. We find that his secretary finds that time has come.

Red Skelton (11:33)

Let's listen. I don't see why you don't owe me ten bucks.

Ms. Stillwell (Secretary) (11:35)

No, I won't lend you ten dollars. You don't pay your bills and you've got three guys from the finance company living with you now.

Red Skelton (11:44)

You wish my uncle was out of Sing Sing. He'd make me some money. By the way, is there any fan mail?

Ms. Stillwell (Secretary) (11:50)

Well, there's a postcard from the chief of police in Vincennes, Indiana.

Red Skelton (11:54)

That's from home.

Ms. Stillwell (Secretary) (11:55)

He wants a new picture. He says the one he has now is so old that the numbers are worn off.

Red Skelton (12:02)

Well, I can save $0.03 on that deal. I'm going to Vincenz tomorrow. I'll just hand it to him. Just think, I left Vincenz six years ago a barefooted boy.

Ms. Stillwell (Secretary) (12:09)

Well, it's a fine time to go back. After your shoes.

Red Skelton (12:14)

Say, going home. Maybe they'll have a committee down the depot to meet me, huh?

Ms. Stillwell (Secretary) (12:17)

You want me to wire the mayor and tell him what train you'll be under?

Red Skelton (12:20)

Yeah. Listen, Ms. Stilwell, I'll have you to understand I don't ride under trains. I hang on the back. It's safer. Gee, I gotta get 10 bucks someplace. I don't know. Well, hello there, professor. Come on in. I'm really glad to see you. Say, you know, how are you? Oh, you got a reception tonight. It's always good to see an old face, but up till now, never realized how old yours was. Thank you. You look great tonight, professor. Yes, I've been on a vacation. Well, death takes a holiday. Well, what's on your mind, professor, besides the toffee that looks like a vulture's nest? I have a question to ask you when I can find my place in the scripture. Fruit ball. No wonder you got your script upside down. You're reading it upside down. Yes, and it's very difficult. But tell me, tell me, what is a husband? A husband? Yes, sir. A husband is a sweetheart after the nerves have been killed. Thank you so much. Have you ever been sick in bed with the doctor? Yes, I have. Must have been crowded. Oh, that professor, he's really a nice fellow. He was born in a fog that never lifted. Say, Speaking of Folks, Ms. Stillwell, do you think you could see your way clear to let me have that $10?

Ms. Stillwell (Secretary) (13:49)

Oh, sure. I'll end you $10. You can give me the right kind of security.

Red Skelton (13:52)

Well, what kind of security do you want?

Ms. Stillwell (Secretary) (13:54)

A letter from the king of Siam in your right eye.

Red Skelton (13:59)

Well, if you don't want to loan me 10 bucks, that's up to you. Maybe the sponsor, Mr. Avalon. There's nothing like calling.

Ms. Stillwell (Secretary) (14:04)

Number, please.

Red Skelton (14:05)

Oh, operator. Hello? Is that you, Mert? Thought she was on Fibber's program. They get me Mr. Avalon, the sponsor. And get the number quick like they do in the movies.

Avalon Cigarettes Announcer (14:15)

Hello?

Red Skelton (14:16)

Hello, Mr. Avalon? This is Red Skelton. No.

Ms. Stillwell (Secretary) (14:21)

Did you get your party?

Red Skelton (14:22)

Yeah, I got my party, but I didn't get my 10 bucks. Gee, I wish I had my drums out of hockey hock em. Say, that sounds like my mother out in the hall. Hey, what are you doing out there, Mom? Come on in.

Red Skelton's Mother (14:32)

Oh, I couldn't tell which office was yours.

Red Skelton (14:34)

Oh, gee, Mom, I want you to meet my secretary.

Phil Davis (Singer) (14:37)

Hello.

Red Skelton's Mother (14:37)

Oh, I'm glad to know you. Richard talks about you all the time, Ms. Screwball.

Red Skelton (14:42)

Wait a minute. Her name's Stillwell.

Red Skelton's Mother (14:52)

But you always call.

Red Skelton (14:54)

I know. Gee, mom, you embarrass me. I embarrass you?

Red Skelton's Mother (14:58)

You ask all those nice people for $10. Why don't you borrow it from Uncle Fred? Fred's my brother, Ms. Stillwell. He's a doctor, and he saved Richard's life once.

Phil Davis (Singer) (15:07)

Yeah?

Red Skelton (15:08)

I was sick and we sent for him and he didn't come.

Red Skelton's Mother (15:12)

Why, Richard, he sat up with your case for three days.

Phil Davis (Singer) (15:15)

Yeah.

Red Skelton (15:15)

Then he finished it all by himself.

Red Skelton's Mother (15:19)

Now, young man, you're getting too smart. Don't think you're too big to be whipped.

Red Skelton (15:23)

Aw, gee, Mommy talked to me like I was a little boy.

Red Skelton's Mother (15:27)

And what do you want with $10?

Red Skelton (15:29)

Well, I didn't want to say anything, but I wanted it for dear old dad, you see.

Red Skelton's Mother (15:33)

For his dear old dad?

Phil Davis (Singer) (15:35)

Yeah.

Red Skelton's Mother (15:36)

Oh, Richard.

Ms. Stillwell (Secretary) (15:38)

Oh, Mr. Skelton. Why didn't you say so? I'll lend you the $10.

Red Skelton (15:42)

You will? Gee, that's fine. I hope it's not too late. Hello. Give me Brian 7900, will you? Hello. This is Red Skelton. $10 to win on Pop.

Dell King (Host) (16:06)

Brothers and sisters, you ain't seen nothing until you see them stomping at the Savoy. Stomp it out, Phil. One of the nicest places to be, says Jeanette, is between a kiss and a sigh. Bob Strong arranged it for her.

Phil Davis (Singer) (19:14)

Sam, Love needs no debating. It's hello or goodbye yet I'm between a kiss and a sigh. You keep hesitating. Can I get some reply? I'm between a kiss and a sigh. Won't you explain the case? What will I have to face? Would I be out of place when you are? I Don't mind the waiting. If I only knew why, But I'm between a kiss and a song.

Avalon Cigarettes Announcer (21:04)

Ladies and gentlemen, when you're about to make a purchase and a friend says

Red Skelton (21:08)

to you, listen, I can get it for you much cheaper. Are you interested?

Avalon Cigarettes Announcer (21:11)

Friends? I'll guarantee you'll reply interested.

Red Skelton (21:14)

Why I should say so, that'll save me money.

Avalon Cigarettes Announcer (21:17)

And you're absolutely right. When you can get identically the same quality for less, you want that saving. Then why not use this same smart thinking when you buy cigarettes, smoke Avalon Avalons, the outstanding cigarette value on the market today. Avalons give you highest quality yet. They cost 3 to 5 cents less than other popular priced brands. And when you can get the high quality you demand in a cigarette for 3 to 5 cents less per pack, why shouldn't you take advantage of that saving? Friends give Avalon's a trial. They're 100% union made from the world's choices, Turkish and American domestic tobaccos. You could want no finer quality cigarettes, regardless of price, regardless of brand. That's why you'd never guess they cost you less. The next time, forget price habit. Give your thrifty judgment a chance.

Red Skelton (22:18)

Ask for Avalon cigarettes and don't forget your change. I'm sorry Mary Jane, I took your line like that. I. I couldn't resist it. So say, how about going out tonight? We'll have a bite to eat, huh?

Ms. Stillwell (Secretary) (22:46)

Oh, I'd love to.

Red Skelton (22:46)

What time?

Ms. Stillwell (Secretary) (22:47)

About 8 o'.

Phil Davis (Singer) (22:48)

Clock.

Red Skelton (22:48)

Okay.

Phil Davis (Singer) (22:48)

Goodbye.

Ms. Stillwell (Secretary) (22:49)

Goodbye.

Red Skelton (22:50)

Woo.

Ms. Stillwell (Secretary) (22:51)

Oh, so you're going to take Mary Jane to dinner?

Red Skelton (22:54)

Yeah.

Ms. Stillwell (Secretary) (22:54)

All right then, go ahead. And I hope she makes you pay the check.

Red Skelton (22:57)

Now wait a minute, Lambie.

Dell King (Host) (22:59)

Well, looks like Lambie took it on the Lambie. Say, you know, it looks pretty serious when your secretary gets jealous.

Red Skelton (23:06)

Yeah, but you know Dell, it's a funny thing. The skeletons have always been cursed with jealous secretaries. But back in ancient Egypt in the year of 52 B.C. that's before cigarettes I might add. Avalon cigarettes. The sponsors are here tonight. The Pharaoh Skelton had the most jealous secretary of them all.

Dell King (Host) (23:22)

I remember reading about Pharaoh Skelton in History. Say, if you don't mind Red, I'll turn back the pages of history for you and you can tell the story.

Avalon Cigarettes Announcer (23:29)

Okay.

Red Skelton (23:29)

D.

Dell King (Host) (23:39)

The place, Ancient Egypt, the time 52 BC we see Pharaoh Skelton and his secretary approaching Cleopatra's palace. They're riding across the desert on a huge white elephant.

Red Skelton (23:52)

Egypt must be heaven cause my mummy come from there.

Ms. Stillwell (Secretary) (23:58)

The desert, nothing but sand, sand, sand. I've never seen so much sand. In all my life.

Red Skelton (24:04)

Yeah, and you're just looking at the top of it. Oh, what a great spot for a spinach farm.

Ms. Stillwell (Secretary) (24:10)

Boy, this elephant sure is slow. He isn't a thoroughbred, is he?

Red Skelton (24:14)

Not so loud. Don't let the elephant hear you say that. He's just a mongrel, but he thinks he's sacred. Maybe I better talk to him. How you doing down there, elf? You think he'll make it?

Avalon Chorus / Singer (24:24)

Yeah, but my feet are killing me. Better get me some water.

Phil Davis (Singer) (24:28)

Okay, elf.

Red Skelton (24:29)

Hey, Salome Stillwell, pull into that oasis. Where? Over there. The first Nile to the right. Say, that attendant spez looks familiar. Why, it's Faro Foley. Hiya, Foley. Aye, skeleton. How many gallons do you owe? I'll fill her up. Yes, well, sure. It's a hot day, isn't it? Yet it is so hot the water on my knee is boiling. That's a nice place you have here, Foley. Is that a new pyramid over there? No, it took them 3,000 years to build that one. Oh, must have been a government job. Say, what are those slaves doing over there in the hot sun? Why, they're building a sphinx. You know, everybody thinks they're beautiful, but confidentially, it. Sphinx. That's my line. What happened here? What is this? Well, I'll be seeing you, Pharaoh Police. Say, that reminds me, Salome Stillwell, you better set that hourglass back an hour. We're having daylight slaving time here.

Ms. Stillwell (Secretary) (25:38)

I better set it back two hours. It's running fast. Somebody put quicksand in it.

Red Skelton (25:44)

Ah, look, there's Cleopatra's palace. And there's Cleo sitting on her big balcony.

Ms. Stillwell (Secretary) (25:57)

Are you really going up to see that siren?

Red Skelton (25:59)

They're still laughing. Repeat it again.

Ms. Stillwell (Secretary) (26:03)

Are you really going to see that siren?

Red Skelton (26:05)

Siren? Did you ever see her? She's the whole fire department.

Ms. Stillwell (Secretary) (26:10)

Well, I hope she puts you out.

Red Skelton (26:11)

Yeah.

Ms. Stillwell (Secretary) (26:11)

Well, here we are.

Phil Davis (Singer) (26:13)

Whoa.

Red Skelton (26:14)

You really stopped that elephant, didn't you? Well, I'm going up to see Cleo now. You take that elephant over the stable and give him a rub down.

Ms. Stillwell (Secretary) (26:21)

Okay, I'll see you later.

Red Skelton (26:22)

Wait a minute. I'm still the master. You slam me.

Phil Davis (Singer) (26:26)

What?

Red Skelton (26:26)

Slam me. Slam me.

Ms. Stillwell (Secretary) (26:28)

Okay, brother, you asked for it.

Red Skelton (26:31)

You're fired. See you later.

Ms. Stillwell (Secretary) (26:34)

Oh, so I'm fired. Well, I'll fix him. I'll tell Mark Anthony that he's up there wooing Cleopatra.

Red Skelton (26:41)

Ah, there you are, Cleopatra, fair queen of all Egypt, the ruler of the Nile.

Phil Davis (Singer) (26:45)

Graham Bum. I got a headache designed for a horse. I was on a party last night with Mark Anthony. Oh, what a headache.

Red Skelton (26:55)

Over indulgence, eh? Nope. Over in Rome.

Ms. Stillwell (Secretary) (26:58)

Now, listen, bum, bum.

Red Skelton (26:59)

Huh? You don't love me no more, hey? Well, tomorrow morning they'll drag the Nile from my body, but it won't be there to be home in bed. Ah, Cleo, my beautiful Cleo.

Ms. Stillwell (Secretary) (27:08)

Hey, but what are you doing?

Red Skelton (27:09)

I'm running my hands through your beautiful hair.

Phil Davis (Singer) (27:11)

Bring it over here and I'll put it on.

Red Skelton (27:17)

Shall I bring your teeth too?

Ms. Stillwell (Secretary) (27:20)

There they are. Mark Anthony.

Red Skelton (27:21)

Hey, kittens.

Ms. Stillwell (Secretary) (27:22)

Ferris Skelton.

ZipRecruiter Announcer (27:23)

He'll kill you.

Red Skelton's Mother (27:23)

He's a maniac. The only thing he cares about is

Red Skelton (27:25)

power and money, money, money. Oh, Mark Anthony.

Phil Davis (Singer) (27:28)

Me?

Red Skelton (27:28)

I'm a poor man. But an honest man. That's why I'm a poor man. Don't kill me. I haven't much money, but I'll give you all the money I've got. How much do you want? Well, goodness me, I don't know. Do you think 25 cents would be too much?

Dell King (Host) (27:51)

The best things in life are free. Well, almost free. Red Foley and the Avalon Chorus. Prove it with penny serenade.

Avalon Chorus / Singer (28:05)

Once I stray neath the window of a lovely, lovely lady and she smiled while I softly played my penny Rene

Avalon Cigarettes Announcer (28:29)

C. You can hear it for a

Phil Davis (Singer) (28:35)

penny

Avalon Cigarettes Announcer (28:38)

C C C Just a penny serenade

Avalon Chorus / Singer (28:47)

in her eyes show the tender dawn of love and swee. As for me in my heart I played a lover serenade.

Avalon Cigarettes Announcer (29:16)

Hear my love song for a penny C C C Just a penny serenade

Avalon Chorus / Singer (29:30)

In a dream so divine she was mine no word had been spoken

Dell King (Host) (29:39)

When

Avalon Chorus / Singer (29:39)

I woke from my dream she was gone My poor heart was broken

Phil Davis (Singer) (29:48)

Still

Avalon Chorus / Singer (29:48)

I pray that wherever she may be she will remember in her heart

Avalon Cigarettes Announcer (30:04)

she

Avalon Chorus / Singer (30:05)

will always hear my penny Salon.

Avalon Cigarettes Announcer (30:17)

You can hear it for a penny. Just a penny serenade

Avalon Chorus / Singer (30:30)

Just a penny serenade Just a penny ser.

Red Skelton (30:55)

Forever.

Dell King (Host) (31:08)

Be with us Next Saturday evening at the same time when the Brown and Williamson Tobacco Corporation will again present Avalon Time. Funny Old hills is from Paris Honeymoon and I go for that is from St. Louis Blues. Dell King speaking. Good night, everybody. Remember, folks, you'd never guess Avalon's cost you only 10 cents per pack. The National Broadcasting Company.