
Avalon Time - Edna Stillwell Joins Cast
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Avalon Cigarettes Announcer
A package of Avalon cigarettes, please.
Ms. Stillwell (Secretary)
Yes, sir. Oh, just a moment, sir. Don't forget your chain. You never guess, but Avalons cost you
Phil Davis (Singer)
less,
Avalon Chorus / Singer
so why not always?
Red Skelton
Revlon River.
Dell King (Host)
Good evening, friends. Good evening. This is Del King saying welcome to Avalon Time with greetings from Red Foley and the entire company. But first tonight we bring you that fast comedian. By fast we mean the sponsors haven't caught up with him yet. Red Skelton.
Red Skelton
Thank you very much. Thank you, ladies and gentlemen. Good evening, everybody. Hello there, microphone.
Avalon Chorus / Singer
Hello there, Skelton.
Avalon Cigarettes Announcer
I bet you got a nice reception tonight.
Red Skelton
Yeah. Don't you wish you were a comedian?
Avalon Chorus / Singer
Yes, don't you?
Phil Davis (Singer)
Yeah.
Red Skelton
Listen, I won't be bothered with you much longer. I understand the television's just around the corner. Ah, television. There's the thing. You drop a quarter in the slot and you get Jack Benny. Drop a half a dollar in the slot, you get Fred Allen. Drop a dollar in the slot, you get red skelton. 95 cents change. I really feel great tonight, though. I've been out riding all afternoon. My new airplane. I got a Sally Rand plane, two fans and it takes off anywhere. I don't know everything. Pardon me. Oh, gee, now here I have to go mess up things and fella looking me over tonight for a major bulls unit. The but everything's aviation nowadays. Even time flies the. Oh, I just heard. I just heard that Grover Whalen flew out to the San Francisco World Fair opening today and he put a big sign up over the gate says main entrance 3122 miles east. I don't know, they much funnier on paper for some reason. Okay, but that's the life of the life of a pilot. Every morning at 6, ice cold shower going up about 5,000ft in the air and then back down to another ice cold shower. Ah, boy, there's nothing like it. Of course I don't do it, but there's nothing like it. Last week I flew out to Hollywood. You know what Hollywood is? That's where people get married for better or for worse, but not for long. Well, now, all marriages are not like that Out. There's a friend of mine out in Hollywood got married and I understand that he loves his wife so much he's going to hold her over the second week. I really flew. I really flew out. I laugh myself at times to keep from getting lonesome. The I really flew out though, to see the preview of the new picture that I'm in. Pygmillion. I have a big part in the banquet scene. I'm the pig. Of course, the critics said I couldn't have been hammier. The really a marvelous picture. And when I came on the screen, no kidding, you could hear the people laughing across the street. Marx Brothers picture was playing there. Hollywood's a lovely place, though. Hey, Skelton.
Phil Davis (Singer)
Yes?
Avalon Chorus / Singer
It's time for Phil Davis to play a number.
Red Skelton
Well, the microphone telling me where to get off at. I go for that. It's the name of the number they're gonna play. Play.
Avalon Cigarettes Announcer
Ladies and gentlemen, consider this question for just a moment and see if it doesn't sound reasonable to you. Why pay more for your cigarettes when you can get finest quality in AvalonS for 3 to 5 cents less than other popular priced brands? Now, isn't that a logical question? Not that you can't afford it, mind you, but why pay that extra money on every pack you smoke when it isn't necessary? When you can get the high quality you demand in AvalonS for 3 to 5 cents less? And just one pack of Avalons will prove to you without question that they are a superior quality cigarette. They're 100% union made from the world's finest Turkish and domestic tobaccos, smoothly blended to give you a mellow, mild, truly enjoyable smoke. That's why you'd never guess they cost you less. What more could you possibly demand in a cigarette? Super fine tobaccos, a superior blend at a real saving. It's no wonder millions upon millions of people are switching to Avalons. The next time why don't you ask for Avalons and save the difference?
Dell King (Host)
Here he is, folks, the singing star of Avalon time, Red Foley.
Red Skelton
Well, howdy, Dell.
Dell King (Host)
Howdy, folks.
Red Skelton
And to be different. Hello, Red, Skeleton. Well, hello there, Red Foley. How are you? Say, how about starting a how to get in your song department, huh? Well, that suits me, son. Matter of fact, I'm kind of worried about how I'm going to get into this song tonight. Yeah? Well, why do you say? Over on the next page, My eyes are bad. I need glasses with beer in them, see? Don't worry though. We'll get you into something. What song you gonna sing tonight, Ray? I'm gonna sing those Funny Old Hills.
Dell King (Host)
You're into it.
Red Skelton
Sing it, boy.
Avalon Chorus / Singer
I'm happy on the prairie all day Singing Lalee O lay and funny old hill Sing back to say Lele o Lee o le and far away. I love the foothills beyond the plain they love to echo my lonely place I'm happy on the prairie all the day Singing Lady Ole
Red Skelton
Lady o' lay
Avalon Chorus / Singer
and the funny old hill Sing back to say lady Old lady Old lady, Old lady O lilly bound far away
Red Skelton
now Got no gal, got no pal
Avalon Chorus / Singer
to keep me company Only got upon your heels Singing along with me But I happy and it's there I long to stay Singing Lalee O lay lady old lay While the funny old hill sing back and say Le o Leo Le oun far away Bounce all away.
Red Skelton
Access to affordable credit helps me pay my employees, but I don't really need it. Inflation is killing me, but who cares? Big retailers are making record profits. That's why we support the Durbin Marshall credit card bill. See, banks and credit unions help small businesses make payroll. This bill would cut the vital resources they need while increasing megastore profits. They deserve it, don't they?
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Avalon Cigarettes Announcer
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Red Skelton
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Avalon Cigarettes Announcer
filled with F words.
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Red Skelton
Fantastic.
ZipRecruiter Announcer
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Dell King (Host)
Ladies and gentlemen, there comes a time in the life of every woman when a man needs $10. As we tune Into Red Skelton's office. We find that his secretary finds that time has come.
Red Skelton
Let's listen. I don't see why you don't owe me ten bucks.
Ms. Stillwell (Secretary)
No, I won't lend you ten dollars. You don't pay your bills and you've got three guys from the finance company living with you now.
Red Skelton
You wish my uncle was out of Sing Sing. He'd make me some money. By the way, is there any fan mail?
Ms. Stillwell (Secretary)
Well, there's a postcard from the chief of police in Vincennes, Indiana.
Red Skelton
That's from home.
Ms. Stillwell (Secretary)
He wants a new picture. He says the one he has now is so old that the numbers are worn off.
Red Skelton
Well, I can save $0.03 on that deal. I'm going to Vincenz tomorrow. I'll just hand it to him. Just think, I left Vincenz six years ago a barefooted boy.
Ms. Stillwell (Secretary)
Well, it's a fine time to go back. After your shoes.
Red Skelton
Say, going home. Maybe they'll have a committee down the depot to meet me, huh?
Ms. Stillwell (Secretary)
You want me to wire the mayor and tell him what train you'll be under?
Red Skelton
Yeah. Listen, Ms. Stilwell, I'll have you to understand I don't ride under trains. I hang on the back. It's safer. Gee, I gotta get 10 bucks someplace. I don't know. Well, hello there, professor. Come on in. I'm really glad to see you. Say, you know, how are you? Oh, you got a reception tonight. It's always good to see an old face, but up till now, never realized how old yours was. Thank you. You look great tonight, professor. Yes, I've been on a vacation. Well, death takes a holiday. Well, what's on your mind, professor, besides the toffee that looks like a vulture's nest? I have a question to ask you when I can find my place in the scripture. Fruit ball. No wonder you got your script upside down. You're reading it upside down. Yes, and it's very difficult. But tell me, tell me, what is a husband? A husband? Yes, sir. A husband is a sweetheart after the nerves have been killed. Thank you so much. Have you ever been sick in bed with the doctor? Yes, I have. Must have been crowded. Oh, that professor, he's really a nice fellow. He was born in a fog that never lifted. Say, Speaking of Folks, Ms. Stillwell, do you think you could see your way clear to let me have that $10?
Ms. Stillwell (Secretary)
Oh, sure. I'll end you $10. You can give me the right kind of security.
Red Skelton
Well, what kind of security do you want?
Ms. Stillwell (Secretary)
A letter from the king of Siam in your right eye.
Red Skelton
Well, if you don't want to loan me 10 bucks, that's up to you. Maybe the sponsor, Mr. Avalon. There's nothing like calling.
Ms. Stillwell (Secretary)
Number, please.
Red Skelton
Oh, operator. Hello? Is that you, Mert? Thought she was on Fibber's program. They get me Mr. Avalon, the sponsor. And get the number quick like they do in the movies.
Avalon Cigarettes Announcer
Hello?
Red Skelton
Hello, Mr. Avalon? This is Red Skelton. No.
Ms. Stillwell (Secretary)
Did you get your party?
Red Skelton
Yeah, I got my party, but I didn't get my 10 bucks. Gee, I wish I had my drums out of hockey hock em. Say, that sounds like my mother out in the hall. Hey, what are you doing out there, Mom? Come on in.
Red Skelton's Mother
Oh, I couldn't tell which office was yours.
Red Skelton
Oh, gee, Mom, I want you to meet my secretary.
Phil Davis (Singer)
Hello.
Red Skelton's Mother
Oh, I'm glad to know you. Richard talks about you all the time, Ms. Screwball.
Red Skelton
Wait a minute. Her name's Stillwell.
Red Skelton's Mother
But you always call.
Red Skelton
I know. Gee, mom, you embarrass me. I embarrass you?
Red Skelton's Mother
You ask all those nice people for $10. Why don't you borrow it from Uncle Fred? Fred's my brother, Ms. Stillwell. He's a doctor, and he saved Richard's life once.
Phil Davis (Singer)
Yeah?
Red Skelton
I was sick and we sent for him and he didn't come.
Red Skelton's Mother
Why, Richard, he sat up with your case for three days.
Phil Davis (Singer)
Yeah.
Red Skelton
Then he finished it all by himself.
Red Skelton's Mother
Now, young man, you're getting too smart. Don't think you're too big to be whipped.
Red Skelton
Aw, gee, Mommy talked to me like I was a little boy.
Red Skelton's Mother
And what do you want with $10?
Red Skelton
Well, I didn't want to say anything, but I wanted it for dear old dad, you see.
Red Skelton's Mother
For his dear old dad?
Phil Davis (Singer)
Yeah.
Red Skelton's Mother
Oh, Richard.
Ms. Stillwell (Secretary)
Oh, Mr. Skelton. Why didn't you say so? I'll lend you the $10.
Red Skelton
You will? Gee, that's fine. I hope it's not too late. Hello. Give me Brian 7900, will you? Hello. This is Red Skelton. $10 to win on Pop.
Dell King (Host)
Brothers and sisters, you ain't seen nothing until you see them stomping at the Savoy. Stomp it out, Phil. One of the nicest places to be, says Jeanette, is between a kiss and a sigh. Bob Strong arranged it for her.
Phil Davis (Singer)
Sam, Love needs no debating. It's hello or goodbye yet I'm between a kiss and a sigh. You keep hesitating. Can I get some reply? I'm between a kiss and a sigh. Won't you explain the case? What will I have to face? Would I be out of place when you are? I Don't mind the waiting. If I only knew why, But I'm between a kiss and a song.
Avalon Cigarettes Announcer
Ladies and gentlemen, when you're about to make a purchase and a friend says
Red Skelton
to you, listen, I can get it for you much cheaper. Are you interested?
Avalon Cigarettes Announcer
Friends? I'll guarantee you'll reply interested.
Red Skelton
Why I should say so, that'll save me money.
Avalon Cigarettes Announcer
And you're absolutely right. When you can get identically the same quality for less, you want that saving. Then why not use this same smart thinking when you buy cigarettes, smoke Avalon Avalons, the outstanding cigarette value on the market today. Avalons give you highest quality yet. They cost 3 to 5 cents less than other popular priced brands. And when you can get the high quality you demand in a cigarette for 3 to 5 cents less per pack, why shouldn't you take advantage of that saving? Friends give Avalon's a trial. They're 100% union made from the world's choices, Turkish and American domestic tobaccos. You could want no finer quality cigarettes, regardless of price, regardless of brand. That's why you'd never guess they cost you less. The next time, forget price habit. Give your thrifty judgment a chance.
Red Skelton
Ask for Avalon cigarettes and don't forget your change. I'm sorry Mary Jane, I took your line like that. I. I couldn't resist it. So say, how about going out tonight? We'll have a bite to eat, huh?
Ms. Stillwell (Secretary)
Oh, I'd love to.
Red Skelton
What time?
Ms. Stillwell (Secretary)
About 8 o'.
Phil Davis (Singer)
Clock.
Red Skelton
Okay.
Phil Davis (Singer)
Goodbye.
Ms. Stillwell (Secretary)
Goodbye.
Red Skelton
Woo.
Ms. Stillwell (Secretary)
Oh, so you're going to take Mary Jane to dinner?
Red Skelton
Yeah.
Ms. Stillwell (Secretary)
All right then, go ahead. And I hope she makes you pay the check.
Red Skelton
Now wait a minute, Lambie.
Dell King (Host)
Well, looks like Lambie took it on the Lambie. Say, you know, it looks pretty serious when your secretary gets jealous.
Red Skelton
Yeah, but you know Dell, it's a funny thing. The skeletons have always been cursed with jealous secretaries. But back in ancient Egypt in the year of 52 B.C. that's before cigarettes I might add. Avalon cigarettes. The sponsors are here tonight. The Pharaoh Skelton had the most jealous secretary of them all.
Dell King (Host)
I remember reading about Pharaoh Skelton in History. Say, if you don't mind Red, I'll turn back the pages of history for you and you can tell the story.
Avalon Cigarettes Announcer
Okay.
Red Skelton
D.
Dell King (Host)
The place, Ancient Egypt, the time 52 BC we see Pharaoh Skelton and his secretary approaching Cleopatra's palace. They're riding across the desert on a huge white elephant.
Red Skelton
Egypt must be heaven cause my mummy come from there.
Ms. Stillwell (Secretary)
The desert, nothing but sand, sand, sand. I've never seen so much sand. In all my life.
Red Skelton
Yeah, and you're just looking at the top of it. Oh, what a great spot for a spinach farm.
Ms. Stillwell (Secretary)
Boy, this elephant sure is slow. He isn't a thoroughbred, is he?
Red Skelton
Not so loud. Don't let the elephant hear you say that. He's just a mongrel, but he thinks he's sacred. Maybe I better talk to him. How you doing down there, elf? You think he'll make it?
Avalon Chorus / Singer
Yeah, but my feet are killing me. Better get me some water.
Phil Davis (Singer)
Okay, elf.
Red Skelton
Hey, Salome Stillwell, pull into that oasis. Where? Over there. The first Nile to the right. Say, that attendant spez looks familiar. Why, it's Faro Foley. Hiya, Foley. Aye, skeleton. How many gallons do you owe? I'll fill her up. Yes, well, sure. It's a hot day, isn't it? Yet it is so hot the water on my knee is boiling. That's a nice place you have here, Foley. Is that a new pyramid over there? No, it took them 3,000 years to build that one. Oh, must have been a government job. Say, what are those slaves doing over there in the hot sun? Why, they're building a sphinx. You know, everybody thinks they're beautiful, but confidentially, it. Sphinx. That's my line. What happened here? What is this? Well, I'll be seeing you, Pharaoh Police. Say, that reminds me, Salome Stillwell, you better set that hourglass back an hour. We're having daylight slaving time here.
Ms. Stillwell (Secretary)
I better set it back two hours. It's running fast. Somebody put quicksand in it.
Red Skelton
Ah, look, there's Cleopatra's palace. And there's Cleo sitting on her big balcony.
Ms. Stillwell (Secretary)
Are you really going up to see that siren?
Red Skelton
They're still laughing. Repeat it again.
Ms. Stillwell (Secretary)
Are you really going to see that siren?
Red Skelton
Siren? Did you ever see her? She's the whole fire department.
Ms. Stillwell (Secretary)
Well, I hope she puts you out.
Red Skelton
Yeah.
Ms. Stillwell (Secretary)
Well, here we are.
Phil Davis (Singer)
Whoa.
Red Skelton
You really stopped that elephant, didn't you? Well, I'm going up to see Cleo now. You take that elephant over the stable and give him a rub down.
Ms. Stillwell (Secretary)
Okay, I'll see you later.
Red Skelton
Wait a minute. I'm still the master. You slam me.
Phil Davis (Singer)
What?
Red Skelton
Slam me. Slam me.
Ms. Stillwell (Secretary)
Okay, brother, you asked for it.
Red Skelton
You're fired. See you later.
Ms. Stillwell (Secretary)
Oh, so I'm fired. Well, I'll fix him. I'll tell Mark Anthony that he's up there wooing Cleopatra.
Red Skelton
Ah, there you are, Cleopatra, fair queen of all Egypt, the ruler of the Nile.
Phil Davis (Singer)
Graham Bum. I got a headache designed for a horse. I was on a party last night with Mark Anthony. Oh, what a headache.
Red Skelton
Over indulgence, eh? Nope. Over in Rome.
Ms. Stillwell (Secretary)
Now, listen, bum, bum.
Red Skelton
Huh? You don't love me no more, hey? Well, tomorrow morning they'll drag the Nile from my body, but it won't be there to be home in bed. Ah, Cleo, my beautiful Cleo.
Ms. Stillwell (Secretary)
Hey, but what are you doing?
Red Skelton
I'm running my hands through your beautiful hair.
Phil Davis (Singer)
Bring it over here and I'll put it on.
Red Skelton
Shall I bring your teeth too?
Ms. Stillwell (Secretary)
There they are. Mark Anthony.
Red Skelton
Hey, kittens.
Ms. Stillwell (Secretary)
Ferris Skelton.
ZipRecruiter Announcer
He'll kill you.
Red Skelton's Mother
He's a maniac. The only thing he cares about is
Red Skelton
power and money, money, money. Oh, Mark Anthony.
Phil Davis (Singer)
Me?
Red Skelton
I'm a poor man. But an honest man. That's why I'm a poor man. Don't kill me. I haven't much money, but I'll give you all the money I've got. How much do you want? Well, goodness me, I don't know. Do you think 25 cents would be too much?
Dell King (Host)
The best things in life are free. Well, almost free. Red Foley and the Avalon Chorus. Prove it with penny serenade.
Avalon Chorus / Singer
Once I stray neath the window of a lovely, lovely lady and she smiled while I softly played my penny Rene
Avalon Cigarettes Announcer
C. You can hear it for a
Phil Davis (Singer)
penny
Avalon Cigarettes Announcer
C C C Just a penny serenade
Avalon Chorus / Singer
in her eyes show the tender dawn of love and swee. As for me in my heart I played a lover serenade.
Avalon Cigarettes Announcer
Hear my love song for a penny C C C Just a penny serenade
Avalon Chorus / Singer
In a dream so divine she was mine no word had been spoken
Dell King (Host)
When
Avalon Chorus / Singer
I woke from my dream she was gone My poor heart was broken
Phil Davis (Singer)
Still
Avalon Chorus / Singer
I pray that wherever she may be she will remember in her heart
Avalon Cigarettes Announcer
she
Avalon Chorus / Singer
will always hear my penny Salon.
Avalon Cigarettes Announcer
You can hear it for a penny. Just a penny serenade
Avalon Chorus / Singer
Just a penny serenade Just a penny ser.
Red Skelton
Forever.
Dell King (Host)
Be with us Next Saturday evening at the same time when the Brown and Williamson Tobacco Corporation will again present Avalon Time. Funny Old hills is from Paris Honeymoon and I go for that is from St. Louis Blues. Dell King speaking. Good night, everybody. Remember, folks, you'd never guess Avalon's cost you only 10 cents per pack. The National Broadcasting Company.
Date: March 17, 2026
Theme: A delightful trip into the Golden Age of Radio, centered on the comedy-variety show "Avalon Time," which this episode celebrates with the introduction of Edna Stillwell to the cast. Listeners are treated to vaudeville-style banter, musical numbers, and a taste of old radio's playful advertisements, anchored by Red Skelton's trademark humor.
This episode revisits "Avalon Time," a classic radio variety show, spotlighting the arrival of Edna Stillwell as a new cast member. The episode is a medley of musical performances, witty comedy skits, and sponsor messages, capturing the family-friendly entertainment style that defined pre-television radio culture. Red Skelton takes center stage with his fast-paced slapstick and wordplay, backed by the musical talents of Phil Davis, Red Foley, and the Avalon Chorus.
[01:11–03:25]
[07:08–09:45]
[19:14–21:04]
[28:05–30:55]
[11:22–16:06]
[23:29–27:51]
[22:18–23:29]
Red Skelton:
Ms. Edna Stillwell (Secretary):
Red Skelton's Mother:
The episode is brimming with buoyant banter, quick puns, musical interludes, and period-typical sponsor spots—with each segment designed for quick laughs and a lighthearted, inclusive feeling. The interplay between Skelton and Stillwell is especially sharp, toeing the line between cheeky and familial.
"Avalon Time – Edna Stillwell Joins Cast" is a charming showcase of 1930s/40s radio entertainment, full of slapstick, song, and time-capsule wit. Skelton’s comic persona, Edna Stillwell’s sharp-tongued secretary, and a cast of musical and comedic sidekicks keep the episode brisk and engaging. Listeners get a taste of radio’s golden era humor—timeless in its ability to amuse through wordplay, character-driven sketches, and a sincere sense of fun.