Podcast Summary: Avalon Time – Income Tax Problems

Podcast: Harold's Old Time Radio
Host: Harold's Old Time Radio
Episode: Avalon Time - Income Tax Problems
Date: March 17, 2026

Episode Overview

This episode of "Avalon Time" places listeners in the frantic days ahead of the March 15th income tax deadline. Through zany skits, musical numbers, and rapid-fire jokes, Red Skelton and the Avalon cast poke fun at the woes of paying taxes, government bureaucracy, and comedic attempts to outsmart the taxman. The program delivers a blend of then-topical humor, vaudeville banter, and nostalgia for the Golden Age of Radio.

Key Discussion Points & Segments

1. Opening Skit: The Taxpayer’s Dilemma

[00:43–02:28]

• The episode opens with Del King introducing the setting: the Internal Revenue office, days before the income tax deadline.
• Red Skelton jokes about the universal misery of tax season:
  • Quote: “You know what income tax returns is? That's a nervous breakdown on paper.” (Red Skelton, 01:03)
• Skelton encounters a doctor who’s irate after paying his taxes.
  • Quote: “Did I tell that collector off? ... Shall I leave out the bad words? ... Oh, then my lips are sealed.” (The Doctor & Skelton, 02:02)
• The doctor humorously claims he’s busy due to a “sale on operations”—a nod to both the medical field and fiscal cutbacks.

2. Jokes about Avoiding Taxes

[02:29–05:35]

• Jokes fly about tax collectors marking returns with a question mark “and a picture of Alcatraz.”
  • Quote: “Those Tax collectors really mean business this year. When they mark your returns paid ... they stamp a question mark and a picture of Alcatraz. You know what Alcatraz is? That's Sing Sing with a World's fair.” (Skelton, 02:29)
• Phil Davis claims to have been taxed as a corporation due to his size, setting up an ongoing gag about personal and fiscal largesse.

3. Sponsor Comedy Break: Avalon Cigarettes

[05:35–07:15]

• Peter Grant laments not needing to plug Avalon cigarettes as much, joking that everyone’s already switched.
  • Quote: “The millions upon millions ... spreading the word around that Avalon's really are the outstanding cigarette value... why pay more for cigarettes when you can get highest quality in AvalonS for 3 to 5 cents less?” (Peter Grant, 05:56)
• Red jokes Grant could “sell a pair of eyebrow tweezers to John L. Lewis.”

4. Musical Feature: “Rainbow Valley” by Red Foley

[07:22–09:57]

• Full performance of "Rainbow Valley," giving listeners a musical interlude from the jokes and tax troubles.

5. Tax Evasion and Comic Schemes

[09:57–12:14]

• Skelton humorously exaggerates the number of his “dependents” for a bigger tax break:
  • Quote: “I've got four dependents. ... I think I'll add one more ... put the one right in front of the four. That makes 14 dependents.” (Skelton, 09:57)
• Miss Stilwell, Skelton's secretary, jokes about her brother beating the taxes “on a rock pile” (i.e., prison).
  • Quote: “How'd he work it out? ... On a rock pile.” (Stilwell, 10:53)
• The futility and danger of cheating the government is a recurring punchline.

6. Satiric Legal Advice

[13:24–15:12]

• Enter the “lawyer” from “Saggy, Saggy, Saggy & Droop,” promising to get anyone’s taxes reduced to $10.
  • Quote: “For Mr. Toe, a big rubber man from Akron, I saved $36,000. All he gave the government was $10.” (Lawyer, 14:03)
• Skelton retorts, “the least the government will give me is 10 years.”

7. Song Request: “Deep Purple”

[16:22–18:51]

• Jeanette sings the requested tune, “Deep Purple,” providing another musical break.

8. Parody: Julius Caesar Skelton and the Ides of March

[21:57–27:39]

• Red imagines the origin of tax woes with “Julius Caesar Skelton” on the Ides of March, spoofing Roman history.
  • Quote: “In those days he was assassinated.” (Skelton, 21:57)
• The senators plot against Caesar Skelton; even his wife Calpurnia warns him after dreaming he was a “pigeon... and all the senators are throwing spears at you.” (Calpurnia, 24:38)
• A knowing wink to the audience about “killing a bill”:
  • Quote: “The people will think nothing of it when they learn Senate has just killed a bill.” (Senator, 27:39)

9. Finale: “Red Skies in the Night” by Red Foley

[27:57–30:18]

• Red Foley and the Avalon Chorus perform “Red Skies in the Night.”

10. Closing: Tax Humor

[30:18–30:34]

• Red Skelton closes with a final jab at the taxman:
  • Quote: “Are you all cleared up on your income tax? ... I paid it with a smile. I tried to do that once, but they wanted money!” (Skelton, 30:21)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Red Skelton on returns: “Income tax returns is a nervous breakdown on paper.” (01:03)
• On tax evasion: “Read all about it here. Man goes to penitentiary for cheating on income taxes. Maybe I better make that four dependents again.” (09:57)
• Satirical lawyer: “Opportunity knocks any day. An ambulance, a case. I’m on my way.” (Lawyer, 15:00)
• Wordplay on historical bills: “They’ll never blame us because today we changed Caesar’s name from Julius to William... Senate has just killed a bill.” (27:34, 27:39)
• Closing tax laugh: “I paid it with a smile. I tried to do that once, but they wanted money!” (30:21)

Engaging Elements & Character Dynamics

• The banter is quick-witted, rife with puns, wordplay, and historical gags that lampoon bureaucracy and officialdom.
• Musicians and singers are drawn into the comedic narrative, with songs providing rhythm and variety to the tax-themed humor.
• The "Julius Caesar Skelton" skit is a comedic highlight, merging Roman history with contemporary gripes over taxes.
• The recurring sponsor bits are self-aware, poking fun at both advertising and tobacco branding.

Timestamps for Key Segments

• [00:43] – Episode introduction, tax office setup
• [01:03] – Red Skelton jokes about income tax returns
• [02:29] – Jokes about tax collectors and legal trouble
• [05:35] – Sponsor comedy: Avalon cigarettes bit
• [07:22] – Red Foley sings “Rainbow Valley”
• [09:57] – Dependents joke, Miss Stilwell banter
• [13:24] – Saggy & Droop lawyer scene
• [16:22] – “Deep Purple” sung by Jeanette
• [21:57] – Julius Caesar Skelton skit
• [27:57] – “Red Skies in the Night” performance
• [30:18] – Closing tax joke and farewell

Conclusion

“Avalon Time – Income Tax Problems” captures both the anxiety and absurdity of tax season, viewed through the lens of 1940s radio humor. The episode’s blend of sharp gags, clever parodies, lively music, and affectionate nods to historic events keeps the mood light even as everyone scrambles to beat the tax deadline. Red Skelton’s comic timing and the ensemble’s playful chemistry make it a classic sampling of Golden Age radio at its silliest and most relatable.