Avalon Time - “Marco Polo Skelton”

Podcast: Harold's Old Time Radio
Episode Date: March 17, 2026
Host: Harolds Old Time Radio
**Featured: Red Skelton, Del King, Kurt Massey (subbing for Red Foley), Peter Grant, and others
Theme: Radio comedy-variety from the golden age, centerpiecing a satirical sketch on Marco Polo, along with comic banter, musical numbers, and classic cigarette ads.

Episode Overview

This episode captures the comedic, whimsical, and lighthearted spirit of late-1930s radio variety. While championing Avalon Cigarettes (with sponsor banter woven throughout), the show delivers signature Red Skelton routines, a musical performance filling in for an ailing Red Foley, and a featured comedy sketch: "Marco Polo Skelton." Listeners experience a blend of slapstick, witty exchanges, and period humor, capped by musical interludes and a lively company cast.

Key Discussion Points & Highlights

1. Opening Banter & Cigarette Jingles (00:04–01:14)

• The show dives in quickly with a satirical cigarette purchase routine, using jingles and tongue-in-cheek sponsor messaging.
• Hosts and Red Skelton riff off each other, blending humor and promotion.
• Notable quote:
  • "You never guess, but Avalon's cost you less." (A & B, 00:07, and recurring)

2. Red Skelton’s Standup: New York Adventures (00:45–04:43)

• Skelton returns from filming in New York and launches into a monologue filled with verbal slapstick and self-deprecating jokes about his appearance.
• Anecdotes cover subway crowds ("like a sardine can"), giving up his seat to a fainting lady, and short spring dresses (“like a barbed wire fence…”).
• Notable quote:
  • “I got one brother that's so ugly he's got a job standing in front of a drugstore to make people sick.” (D, 01:22)
  • “Dresses this year? Like a barbed wire fence. They protect the property, but they don't obstruct the view.” (D, 01:44)

3. Sponsor Play & Flirtatious Spring Banter (04:43–06:22)

• Extended sponsor comedy, linking the coming of spring to the urge for Avalons.
• Flirtatious, pun-filled exchanges between Red Skelton and Peter Grant keep the tone light.
  • “Feel that tremendous urge to travel on with Avalon.” (A, 05:08)
  • “I'll buy your flowers. I mean, give me a pack of Avalons, please.” (D, 05:29)

4. Musical Interlude: "Old Folks" (06:22–08:35)

• With regular singer Red Foley out sick, Kurt Massey steps in to perform scheduled songs.
• The sentimental tune “Old Folks” is performed, offering a gentle interlude.

5. Male Escort Service Comedy: Skelton at the Phones (08:35–14:48)

• Red Skelton attempts running a “male escort service,” resulting in a whirlwind of puns and misunderstandings.
• Characters jockey for date opportunities; running jokes about mustaches and “stylish stout” men abound.
• Noteworthy exchanges:
  • “If a man answers, we hang up.” (B, 08:35)
  • “I'm kind of afraid of that mustache, Del.” (D, 09:56)
  • “My grandfather had a mustache that was so long, one day he was twirling it and someone yelled contact and he took off.” (D, 10:26)
• Self-aware humor and skits play on gender roles, with Red poking fun at himself and his friends.

6. More Musical Numbers & Banter (15:46–18:26)

• Jeanette and others perform “Heaven Can Wait,” a romantic ballad fitting the spring motif.
• The host and performers continue tongue-in-cheek interactions, shifting smoothly back to sponsor content.

7. Sponsor Monologue & Cigarette Pitch (20:16–21:50)

• Extended advertisement for Avalon Cigarettes delivered in-character by show regulars.
• Emphasis on affordability and comparison with other brands.

8. The Big Comedy Sketch: "Marco Polo Skelton" (22:01–27:19)

• Satirical historical adventure: Red Skelton stars as Marco Polo (“Skelton”) visiting Kubla Khan’s palace.
• Puns, slapstick, and culture gags abound: mistaken translations, “colorblind Venetians,” and wordplay about harem sizes.
• Memorable Lines:
  • "Say, did this happen in Brooklyn? Was the kid light complected? ...Brown eyes? ...Curly white teeth?" — lampooning melodramatic lost-family clichés (D & A, 15:15–15:24)
  • “That was supposed to be 12 colored Venetian blinds.” (D, 24:31)
  • “I'd like to take you into my torture chamber and spring one of those trap doors to the lion's den.” (G, 25:46)
  • “I'm reading between the lines.” (D, 27:03)
• Cheeky tension as Skelton ‘escapes danger’ through comic wit.

9. Final Musical Number: "Chapel in the Moonlight" (27:19–29:46)

• Kurt Massey and the Avalon Chorus deliver a lush, sentimental closing song.

10. Closing Comedy & Farewells (29:46–30:42)

• More cigarette wordplay, affectionate nods to “Avalon brothers,” and a final invitation to tune in next week.
• Skelton’s closing:
  • “I hope that my little quibs have brought a grin to your face.” (D, 30:30)
• Show credits roll out.

Notable Quotes & Comic Moments

• On Avalon Cigarettes:

  • “You never guess, but Avalon's cost you less.” (multiple times throughout)
  • “That's why millions are changing to Avalons. The outstanding cigarette value on the market today.” (A, 05:45)

• On Skelton’s Look:

  • “I don't say I have to say funny things to make people laugh.” — “No, not with a face like yours.” (D & A, 01:14–01:16)

• On Adventure:

  • “Only three more miles. Then it's my turn to carry you.” (D, Marco Polo sketch, 22:55)
  • “I'm reading between the lines.” (D, 27:03; after dodging danger in Kubla Khan’s palace)

Timestamps for Key Segments

• 00:04 – Cigarette Jingle & Show Start
• 00:45 – Red Skelton’s Standup & New York Anecdotes
• 04:43 – Spring Banter, Sponsor Comedy
• 06:22 – “Old Folks” Song by Kurt Massey
• 08:35 – Skelton’s Male Escort Service Sketch
• 15:46 – Romantic Ballad: “Heaven Can Wait”
• 20:16 – Sponsor Solo: Cigarette Monologue
• 22:01 – "Marco Polo Skelton" Feature Sketch
• 27:19 – Closing Musical Number: “Chapel in the Moonlight”
• 29:46 – Comic Wrap-Up & Goodnights

Summary

This episode of Avalon Time delivers a fast-paced blend of Red Skelton’s patented slapstick, clever sponsor integration, and full-cast skits. Musical relief is provided by Kurt Massey, standing in for Red Foley, adding warmth and variety. The episode’s highlight—an irreverent spoof of Marco Polo’s adventures—demonstrates Skelton and company’s knack for twisting history into comedic gold, while affectionate group banter, running gags (mustaches, Avalons), and quick-tongued repartee make for a nostalgic and spirited listen.

Perfect for fans of golden-age radio, lovers of classic comedy, or anyone curious about America’s pre-TV entertainment era.